Gregory Patrick

02/27/2022

Jaiden – Chapter 157

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Greg Patrick

 

Leon was at school, Peter was working at the hospital in Boone, the children were playing in the leaves in the yard, and their parents and grandma watched them.

 

Jaiden's mom had a sly grin on her face as she said the cooing she heard on the porch the other night sounded just like the doves in the trees. Her grin increased to a chuckle as she watched Charley, Dale, Peyton, and Jaiden turn blood-red in the face. She played up their embarrassment for the longest before saying, "You boys need to stop getting embarrassed about the night before last."

 

"Really, Mom?" "Really, Jaiden. I only said what I did because you and Peyton were on the couch almost asleep when I went to get some coffee I could enjoy while reading my book."

 

"Jaiden, you were holding Peyton on the couch, and Dale, you were sitting with Charley on the chaise lounge chair. I saw and heard nothing but the owls up the mountain."

 

One could see the guys relax upon realizing they had not been caught as they `exercised' on the rear porch the night in question.

 

"Hey, Jaiden, this is Peter. Are you too busy to answer a quick question?" "No, sir, what's up?"

 

The other day when you and the guys took the children for a ride through the mountain before heading home, where did you put the spare key I left for you? I looked where we discussed you would hide it, and I couldn't find it."

 

"Peter, I thought I put it under the right rear leg of the chaise lounge. Why - what's wrong?"

 

Leon and I are in a bit of a predicament. If I had to work today, I would be in a panic."

 

"This sounds like it is going to be good, Peter. `Splain the predicament." "Well, it is like this, Jaiden: Leon and I got inspired by you, Peyton, Dale, and Charley the night y'all had your rondeveauxs on the back porch last week."

 

"Peter, how did you know about that?" "Well, I didn't tell you that while you can't see the corner with the chaise lounge in it from the kitchen, you can see it from Leon's and my bedroom. Leon heard something, so I got up and looked out the window to see you and Peyton hugging and hopping. Then about thirty minutes later, I heard the same sound, and when I looked out the window, it was Dale and Charley. They were hopping up and down, hugging tightly, and Leon and I laughed our asses off."

 

"Then the following night, it all happened again, but you guys reversed the positions you were in at that time. The more Leon and I thought about those two nights you, Peyton, Dale, and Charley had on the back porch, the hornier we got."

 

"So, we got this wild hair last night and decided we were going to do the same damn thing. Needless to say, when we finished `exercising,' we got up and tried to go inside and discovered we had locked ourselves outside on the back porch."

 

"I told Leon that must mean we need to have another go at `exercising,' and he said we couldn't."

 

"When I asked him why not, he said he couldn't find his johnson. I was really intrigued at that point and asked him what he meant by not being able to find his johnson."

 

"Leon started laughing so hard he had a time staying on his feet as he said, "It's so damned cold out here that it shrunk and I can't find it. So, I looked at him, thinking I could help him find his johnson, and sure enough, the thing was missing; it looked like he had a virginia. I'm a doctor like you and Peyton, and that is something I've never seen or heard of."

 

"I don't have much of an ass, and what I do have is about to freeze off, so hang on a minute and let me look under the right rear leg of the chaise lounge chair and see if the key is there."

 

"Oh, bless you, Jaiden, it was right where you said; now we can go inside, get warm, and continue our morning activities." "TMI, Peter, but have a good time anyway!" We will, Jaiden, talk to y`all later."

 

When Jaiden hung up his phone, he slunk down the wall and sat on the floor LHBO! Peyton walked up and wanted to know what was so funny. When Jaiden told him, he leaned against the wall and almost died laughing.

 

The nurses got tired of wondering what was so funny, so Jaiden told them. Candice, the temporary ward secretary, had just taken a mouth full of coca-cola. When Jaiden said Peter and Leon got locked out on the back porch – naked as jaybirds, Candice spit the coke across the counter and onto the floor. Everybody was howling at that point.

 

Peyton was nice enough to get a towel, wipe the coke off the floor, and then go over the `spill' with some wet paper towels so the floor wouldn't be sticky.

It was funny that every time the staff and the doctors would look at each other during the day, they would start hysterically laughing.

 

At lunch, Jaiden told Dale, Charley, and Richard about what had happened to Leon and Peter; their reactions were the same as the floor staff's – complete and utter hysterics.

 

When the four guys got home that evening, they were still howling about the Brevard incident, and Ginny and Granny wanted to know what was so funny.

 

Peyton said, "I'm not sure you ladies really want to know what is so funny."

 

Granny looked at Peyton and said, "Peyton, the way you young men are laughing, it has to be good; so, what is so funny?"

 

"Ginny, suffice it to say that Leon and Peter were up to mischief and got locked out of their house on their back porch – naked as jaybirds."

 

"We had talked about where to hide the key Peter had given Jaiden so we could get in when we got back from some activities with the children. But, I put it somewhere else because I thought it would be safer, and I forgot to tell Peter or Leon."

 

It was thirty degrees there, snow was on the ground, and they were standing on the back porch naked as naked could be."

 

Ginny was clapping her hands and laughing so hard she could hardly breathe. Granny was slapping her hand on the kitchen counter and stomping her foot on the floor as she had a good laugh with Ginny.

 

Grany looked heavenward and said, "Lord, thank you for letting this day end on such a funny note!" Ginny let out a resounding "AMEN!"

 

The ladies were still laughing as they walked next door to their homes. It was evident when they told their husbands why they were laughing because one could hear the husbands howling a block away.

 

Jaiden said, "you know, guys, this has been such a fun and funny day; we need to go out to dinner and celebrate. Charley, grab two bottles of Beano – one for us and one for the kids." Charley told Jaiden they only needed one bottle for everybody, and it would be in his pocket.

 

"Hey boys, would you and Alaina Noelle like to go to B. B. Kings and get some chicken livers?" "Charles Logan yelled, "Kicken ivers, Daddy; ets go!"

 

They got the children's coats on them, got them in the van, and drove to the restaurant. When they went inside the restaurant, the children quickly got into their chairs. When the waitress came to the table, Jaiden ordered a large platter of chicken livers for everybody. And since Charley had the Beano in his pocket, they all had boiled cabbage, broccoli salad, and glazed carrots.

 

On the way home, Charley said, "Damn, who didn't put Beano on their broccoli or cabbage?" Peyton said, "I plead the fifth!" Charley then said, "Damn, Peyton, you stink. I'm glad I don't have to sleep with you tonight."

 

Jaiden said, "Peyton, build up some spit in your mouth, drop two drops of Beano into it and swallow; otherwise, I'm gonna have to sleep downstairs." Awe, Babe, you know it smells like roses." "The hell you say, love; it smells like bovine fecal matter, swallow the Beano - quickly!"

 

The van stunk so badly Charley and Dale opened the vent windows in the back of the vehicle. When they got home, Jaiden opened the French doors and let the cold air waft through the screens on the doorway even though it was cold outside.

 

"Jaiden, I'm freezing! Please close the doors." "Peyton, I love you dearly, but you stink so badly I am suffering trying to breathe. When the Beano starts working, and you stop farting, I'll close the doors; not before."

 

"Awe, Babe; come on." Sweetheart, I'll cum all over you as soon as you stop releasing that horrible methane gas. Hell, a dead mule would get up and run from that smell."

 

Nearly twenty minutes passed before the Beano worked for Peyton. Finally, Elijah James looked at Peyton and said, "Daddy, you no stink no more." That sent Jaiden, Dale, and Charley into hysterics.

 

"I guess we learned a lesson from our son, Jaiden." "I would say so, Peyton, and a funny lesson at that."

 

Jaiden called his mom to check on her, and when he told her what Elijah James had said, she nearly died laughing. When he told her what had occurred with Leon and Peter, you could have heard her laughing a city block away. "Jaiden, that is the funniest thing I have heard in a long time. Wait until I tell Becky; she is going to RITFLHBO!" They said they loved each other and then hung up the phone.

 

Peyton called his parents and told them what happened at Leon's and Peter's. They howled when they got the word, and Peyton's dad said he was going to call the following evening to check on Leon."

 

About 7 pm the following evening, Dad Riley called Leon. He said, "Son, I just wanted to call and make sure Peter took care of your pneumonia today." "Dad, I don't have pneumonia, maybe a little cold, but not pneumonia." "Well, it's a wonder you don't have pneumonia after getting locked out of your house while you were as naked as a newborn baby." "Dad, so help me, I'm gonna kill Peyton," and then he started laughing.

 

"When you talk to Peyton again, Dad, please tell him to hide the key where we discussed leaving it. I needed to pee badly, and I couldn't because wee little willy disappeared in the cold."

 

"Damn, son, that's hilarious! Be careful; we don't want you winding up sick because of cold exposure." "Believe me, Dad, I don't want to wind up sick either."

 

"We love you, Leon, and we'll talk to you later." I love you and mom, too, Dad."

 

Leon looked at Peter and asked, "Peter, how many table and chair legs are on the back porch?" There are twelve chair legs, four table legs, and four legs under the propane fireplace; so, twenty legs in all."

 

"Tomorrow, we're going to get twenty keys made and hide one under each leg sitting on the back patio floor." "Leon, don't you think twenty keys is a bit of overkill?"

 

"Let me put it this way, Peter, would you rather have twenty keys and be able to get to one to get into the house if we get locked out again, or would you rather stand outside naked and freeze off that cute bubble butt?" "Where would you like to get the keys made, Leon?"

 

Peyton and Jaiden got a little box in the mail a few days later. When they opened the box, inside was a sterling silver key to Leon's and Peter's house. The note in the box read: "Dear Peyton and Jaiden, here is your own key to our house. There isn't a chance in hell that we will ever be locked out of our home – especially when we are butt-naked and there is two feet of snow on the ground. Love, Leon and Peter."

 

The guys started laughing when the four of them looked at the silver key. Dale said he guessed they were adamant about not getting stuck outside naked again. Charley said, "Well if they do get locked out of the house in the snow again, they know how to create friction to get warm." Jaiden just walked off, shaking his head with Charley laughing at being able to get to him.

 

Charley looked at Peyton and said, "Peyton, Jaiden may be the king of rhymes, but I'm King Splinter under his skin." "Yep, that you are, Charley, and it's funny as crap."

 

The family finished dinner, and the children sat with their dads in the den while Dale read them a book. He had the children's attention for at least an hour. When he finished reading the book, the dads bathed the children, got them ready for bed, and let their children lie with them on their bed to watch some nighttime television until they fell asleep.

 

When they were asleep, the dads put each child in his bed, took Alaina Noelle to her room, and put her in her Princess Bed. Then they went back to their bedrooms and closed and locked their doors.

 

"Charley got a wild look in his eyes as he started to undress Dale and then himself. Then, finally, he pushed Dale back on their bed, stretched his legs apart, and went down on his husband. Charley lay on top of him when Dale had his release and didn't say a word; he simply stared into Dale's eyes.

 

Dale looked at Charley and said, "Hon, why didn't you spit it out if you were having trouble swallowing? We can wash the sheets so Granny won't find anything."

 

"That isn't what was going on, Love." "Then what was the problem, Charley?" "I never said there was a problem, Dale. You simply tasted that good; it was like a peach cobbler's sweet taste and texture, and I wanted to savor it."

 

"You've never said that before, Love." "You never tasted that good before, Dale. I could go for another round if we didn't need to get to sleep so we can get up and go to work in the morning."

 

"Charley?" "Yes, sweetheart" "Maybe you can give me a shot tomorrow night." "That sounds like fun, Babe; we'll have to do that."

 

Jaiden and Peyton looked like death warmed over when they met Dale and Charley in the kitchen the next morning.

 

"Y'all look really tired, guys; are y'all OK?" "Yeah, I guess so," Peyton said, "I think we had too much fun for too long last night."

 

"Perhaps you did because you look like you used to look after pulling a 24-hour shift in the emergency room back home. Peyton said, "Believe me, Charley, it feels like I've pulled a 24-hour shift in the ER, except last night's shift was a whole lot more fun and satisfying!" "You're a nut, Peyton." "No, Charley, I'm not a nut, but I busted two last night." Jaiden chimed in and said, "they were good, too!"

 

When the guys were heading to work the next morning after feeding the children their "bwekfus," Peyton looked at Dale and asked, "See you two at lunch around one?" "Sure, I would love that; I enjoy getting to sit and relax and not feel rushed; plus, we get to talk."

 

When Jaiden and Peyton got to the hospital, they ran into a situation they had not previously experienced: a day when everything was going well. Everyone was happy, and their patients actually felt good, so Jaiden and Peyton decided to spend time getting the children out of bed and walking with them in the corridor.

 

Jaiden called the Pink Ladies, who brought mail and other goodies to the children, and put in an order for fruit popsicles for each patient on his floor.

 

When the ladies delivered the fruit pops, they told each patient that Dr. Jaiden and Dr. Peyton said they had been outstanding patients and that they deserved a treat.

 

The two young doctors were already loved by the children, but the fruit pops – they ensured the patients would continue to work hard at getting well.

 

When Peyton and Jaiden met Dale, Charley, ad Richard at lunch, Charley asked how their day was going. Jaiden said he would start worrying about having something to do if it went any better. Richard chimed in and said that it was that way all over the hospital and that the new patients he had done workups on were in the best mood of any patients since he arrived at St. Jude's.

 

The guys got home from work and played with their children for a few minutes. Then, the boys wanted to go outside, so Dale let them go out while he and the other dads changed clothes.

 

Dale came back downstairs and went to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. As he was getting the grounds ready to brew, Jaiden asked, "Dale, did you let the children go outside?"

 

"I did; why?" "You may want to check on the boys." "What's going on with them?" "You have to find that out for yourself, bro. I'm not gonna tattle on them!"

 

"Come on, Jaiden, what are the kids doing?" "As I said, Dale, come look."

 

Dale walked to the French doors in the den, looked outside, and almost had a fit. "Jaiden, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you go bring them in?" "Because I'm not the one who let them out for that to happen."

 

Peyton and Charley walked into the den as Jaiden said that and asked what was up. Jaiden told them to walk over to the doors and take a look. When they did, Charley and Peyton busted a gut laughing.

 

Charley asked, "who let that happen" and Dale turned crimson red, giving himself away. Peyton was having a gut-wrenching laugh as he said, "now that's funny as hell. I can't wait to tell mom and dad."

 

"I guess we should go outside and get them." "Why, Dale. They're only three years old. If anybody says anything or has a problem, tell them to grow the hell up!"

 

"You're not mad, Jaiden?" About what? I have no doubt that the two miscreants who led the calvary on this were Nathan Robert and Charles Logan. The only problem we're going to have is figuring out who's clothes are who's."

 

I think Granny put our boy's initials on their underwear and tee-shirts, so that shouldn't be a problem." Peyton said Ginny did the same thing for his and Jaiden's boys.

 

"Well, should we go outside and get them, or should we let them keep running naked in the wind?"

 

Charley raised his hand and voted to let the children run around naked until they could get pictures to show their parents how they found the children - after Dale let them outside to play – on their own.

 

The dads got their phones out and took pictures of the children playing sans clothing. They made sure to comply with the law and not have any frontal images that could cause them to get into serious trouble with state and federal law.

 

As soon as Jaiden's text hit his mom's phone, she called, laughing her butt off. "Jaiden, how did that happen?" "Dale let the kids out to play and went into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. Peyton, Charley, and I went upstairs to change clothes, and when I came downstairs, I looked out the doors, and wallah, the children were as naked as newborns."

 

"Son, thanks for the pictures; Becky and the ladies are still laughing, and so am I. That's the funniest thing I have seen in a long time, and they seem to be having a blast." "They are, Mom; they are running as free as the birds in the trees and laughing like hyenas on the plains of Africa."

 

"Hilarious, Jaiden! I have some patients who just came in, so let me get back to work. I'll talk to you guys later." "Bye, Mom; love you." "I love y'all, too."

 

"Peyton's parents called, and his dad said, "Peyton, you've gotta stop!" "Stop what, Dad." "Stop teaching those children to be so free-spirited. The next thing you know, they'll be teenagers with leather straps and colored Indian beads strung around their heads, and they'll be marching down the center of Main Street wearing nothing but moccasins."

 

"And you know what, they'll probably be smoking wacky weed as they march down the middle of the street." "If they do, Dad, one thing is for sure: they'll be happy and feeling good!"

 

"That's true, son, but I'd prefer them to be happy and feeling good at home versus in the county jail." "Think of it this way, Dad: my grocery and power bill will go down significantly, and the boys will each get free cots and three hots a day!" "Yeah, but the food at the jail won't be as good as Dale's." "Son, I hate to run; Jake just came in with a problem cow, and I have to fix the problem."

 

"What's the problem with the cow, Dad?" "Jake was checking to see if the cow was pregnant, and he got his hand stuck up the cow's ass; I have to get it out. Damnedest thing I've ever seen."

 

"He's gonna have to literally push himself up hard against old Betsy and hold onto the front of her hind leg." "Why?" "Because when I pull his hand out, I want to make sure he's covered from head to toe with pontificated bovine fecal matter for causing this kind of problem so late in the day."

 

"Dad, that's mean!" "Yes, it is Peyton; it's truly mean of him to cause me to have to work so hard at the end of the day. Later, son." "Later, Dad."

 

Dale walked into the den looking kind of sheepish. "What's wrong, Dale?"

 

"Peyton, when my mom and dad got the pictures, he sent the photos to his office computer and then sent them to everyone he works with. You could hear the entire office rolling on the floor laughing their butts off - including the big boss who was laughing harder than anybody." "Dale, you must admit because the jury will acquit, it was damned funny."

 

"You're right; I just hate it was I who made the mistake." "Don't look at it as a mistake, bro; look at it as something funny that happened that you can laugh at years down the road."

 

"I didn't think of that, Peyton; I'll try my best to do that." "Please do, Dale; it was, and still is hilarious, and the children are as happy as larks.

 

The dads got the children inside, bathed them more thoroughly than usual, and dressed them for bed. Then everyone sat in the den while Jaiden animatedly read the children an old Uncle Remus story. From the children's laughter, one might think they were living the story, that the characters and the situations were right in front of them.

 

"Jaiden, the way you presented that story to the children was brilliant. I love how you make them laugh and feel as though they are a part of the stories you read to them." "Thanks, Dale. I hope I make the stories enjoyable enough to the children that they will want to and enjoy reading as they grow up."

 

Charley said, "you know they're going to enjoy reading and living the stories they read by the way they react when your read to them, Jaiden; you're an incredible storyteller." "Thanks, Charley; reading to the children and having them enjoy the stories is one of the things I love to do most at home."

 

"Do you ever wish you and Peyton had waited to have a family until after your residency?" "It may have been the more prudent thing to do, Charley, but wishing we waited to have a family, that's never happened. If anything, having the children has helped Peyton and me understand and be better able to relate to our pediatric patient's and their needs."

 

"That's a perspective that flew over my head, Jaiden; I probably wouldn't have thought of that until you said it." "Peyton and I didn't think of it either, Charley, until we sat down one day and talked about the very question you posed to me."

 

"Would I ever want to change the way our family began? Never! My children and your children have been the biggest blessing I have ever received. I feel like the kids have made me more observant, accepting, forgiving, understanding, and, in more ways than one, more loving. What about you, Charley."

 

"I feel the same way. I'm most thankful that the children have helped me calm down and better control my temper. I wish I could describe the love I have for those babies, but I can't. I have never experienced anything that even remotely makes me feel the way they do." "That's two of us, Charley. It's like nothing else in this world matters when it comes to our children. Peyton is, and always will be, my first love, but our children – they're definitely my second and most protected love."

 

"You know, Jaiden, I can honestly picture you in my mind having a horde of grandchildren and thoroughly enjoying spoiling them rotten." "Yeah, wasn't Hashem loving beyond measure by giving us a way to pay our children back for dragging us through all their shenanigans?" "Don't you know it, Jaiden!"

 

"Is either of your children your favorite, Jaiden?" "No, Charley, and I will never let that come about. I love my children equally, but they each have their own ways about them that are favorites."

 

"Nathan Robert is the child I anticipate being the rascal in the family, the naughty one. Elijah James is the joker like Jenny, and Mark Anthony is the scholar amongst the boys. Abraham Dovid, I think, will be the most reliable of my and Peyton's children, and the most tender-hearted is definitely Jason Scott."

 

"Jaiden, you pretty much hit the nail on the head, because that is what Dale and I have thought and talked about. With us, Charles Logan is so much like my dad that he is our most interesting child; you never know what he will get into. You think he will react one way, and then he totally fools you."

 

"Alaina Noelle appears, by far, to be the most intelligent and most focused of the children; she knows what she wants, and she doesn't settle for anything less. And when she's had enough of something, she puts her foot down with a ginormous thud that gets everybody's attention."

 

"Benjamin Dale is probably the child who is most like Dale: calm, level-headed, and having a heart of gold; he loves with unmatched ferocity."

 

"David Alexander is without a doubt the most inquisitive of our boys; he must observe and figure out everything around him. Jason Alexander, we think, will be the scholar of the group next to Alaina Noelle."

 

"Very observant, Charley. We have the most intriguing and exciting family and the brightest children of anybody we know." "I totally agree, Jaiden; isn't life interesting and fun for us?" "More than anybody will ever know, Charley."

 

"Do you ever feel like we don't do enough with the children, Jaiden?" "Not really, Charley. Peyton and I spend an enormous amount of time with all ten children compared to some of our associates, who have fewer children than we. And we expose our children to different things in the community: the zoo, the riverboat, ducks, and geese in the cove they get to feed. Additionally, we take them to the park a couple of times a week, even though most of that time is on the weekend. Then, when we go to restaurants, they get to experience new foods and be around people and see how they act."

 

"The children love to go to the temple, even if it is because they are bribed by the ladies with lollipops." "They are what, Jaiden?"

 

"They are bribed by the ladies with lollipops. That's why they are in such a hurry to get inside the nursery when we get to the synagogue." "How did you find out about that?"

 

"Seth saw the ladies checking to make sure we had gotten upstairs in the sanctuary and then giving the children their lollipop." "And you didn't say anything to anybody?"

 

"Absolutely not. The nursery ladies are setting a pattern of behavior in the children to get them to go to the temple every weekend. That is important to me because I feel it honors my grandfathers."

 

"Long live the ladies and the lollipops, Jaiden." "Amen, Charley, I couldn't agree more."