Gregory Patrick
07/23/2023
Jaiden – Chapter 196
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Everyone
was gathering in the lobby of the hotel to decide where everyone wanted to eat
breakfast. "Jaiden, what do you want for breakfast this morning? "Peyton, I'd love to have another traditional
English breakfast." Charley heard what
Jaiden said he wanted to eat and chimed in with, "NO HELL HE DOESN'T - not
unless he eats half a bottle of Beano!"
Jim was standing by the window snickering when Charley said what he
did. He glanced over at Peggy, who was
about to roll on the floor laughing.
When she regained her composure, she looked at Jaiden and said, "Son, if
you eat another traditional breakfast and do what you did yesterday –
especially in the synagogue – I am going to make you miserable the entire
day." Jaiden knew she would, so he
changed his mind and decided to have a more traditional breakfast as he would
at home: a pecan waffle, hot maple
syrup, melted butter, one piece of England's version of bacon, and two
eggs. Peyton had hash, eggs, and country
potatoes. Most of the adults followed
Jaiden's breakfast idea.
Lunch
was going to be interesting in that Peggy and Jim had gotten together and
cooked up a plan for the children to have cabbage at lunch without taking
Beano. Before lunch, everyone went to
Buckingham Palace to see the Changing of the Guard. The Prince and Princess of Wales had attended
a charity event earlier in Wales and had flown back to the palace in a
helicopter. As the chopper landed,
William and Kate caught a glimpse of the children and immediately knew who they
were. When they deplaned the chopper,
they walked to where the children and their parents stood and talked with the
children for at least twenty minutes and invited the entire crowd to have
dinner at their home the next evening.
The children were excited at having met the Prince's and Princess's children
and at the prospect of getting to play with them the following day. They could hardly contain themselves all day.
After
seeing the palace and meeting the Royals, the dads took the boys to ride the
huge Ferris wheel, from which you could see most of London. Then they took a boat ride down the River
Thames. The boys had a great time
standing at the bow of the boat and letting their hair blow wild in the
wind. When they completed their boat
ride, Jim and Peggy had scouted out a traditional British restaurant they
thought everyone would enjoy, a restaurant where they could get the children
Bubble and Squeak, a dish which would make their little stomachs bubble and the
tiny butts squeak, emitting a ferocious odor that would repay the dads for the
horrible ride home Peggy, Jim, and Phyllis had with the children a year or so
ago in Erie.
After
lunch, they boarded the tube for a ride up to Peterborough to see the old
burial mound that the children would get to crawl in and out of and tour some
of the parks where they could see much wildlife: birds, mule deer, and
such. About halfway to Peterborough,
Charley was sitting in the back of the rail car with the other dads when he
wrinkled his nose and said, "Holy shit!
Do you guys smell that?" Peyton
replied, "Yes, Charley, I smell it, and I can guarantee it may be shit, but it
definitely is not holy!" Dale poked
Peyton in his side and motioned for him to take a look at Jaiden, who by now
had turned green and was doing all in his power not to throw up.
He
never could handle a smell like that in their vehicles, and as when he pulled
over in the mall parking lot and exited the van in Erie, he was looking for the
fastest way out of the train car he was in.
Peyton was able to guide him into the next train car, and while they
were headed that way, Jaiden said, "I am going to pay your dad back if it takes
me the whole trip." "Babe, I hate to
tell you this, but your mom was in on it too."
"Oh, REALLY!" "Yep, I saw her and
my dad feeding the children Bubble and Squeak."
"What the heck is that, Peyton?"
"Love, it's mashed potatoes loaded with ground cabbage."
"Why
that..." "Jaiden, don't call my dad an
SOB; he's a mischievous asshole, but not an SOB. My grandmother is with us on this trip, and
you know what a sweet lady she is."
"Babe, I wasn't going to call him an SOB; I was going to call him a male
Jenny!" "Peyton lost it with that comment
because it was true, and he had used it himself in the past."
"When
we get to where we are going, Peyton, we are going to get you, me, Dale, and
Charley two peanut butter sandwiches, two bananas, and two glasses of
milk."
"Jaiden,
you are planning a full-frontal assault on our parents, aren't you?" "I most certainly am not planning a
full-frontal assault on our parents; I am planning a full assault from the rear
every chance we get." Peyton went back
to the other train car and told Dale and Charley what Jaiden was planning. Charley laughed so loud and hard that the guy's
parents turned to look back to see what was going on. They knew something was up but didn't know
what and began worrying.
Jim
looked at Peggy and asked, "Peggy, do you reckon they know what we did at
lunch?" "Jim, be serious!" You smell this train car just as much as they
do; they have to know we did something at lunch. The question is, what is the payback going to
be?" "Oh, hell, we are going to catch it
royal style; excuse the pun." "Jim, it isn't, `Oh, hell,' it will be hell, at
least for us for a while."
"Dad." "Yes, Peyton." "Have you learned your lesson? Do you think you can go the rest of the trip
without giving the children food that is going to make them fart and
stink?' "Son, somehow, I think Peggy and
I have learned just how far the stench will carry on a train car, and I don't
think we will be allowing the children to have any more cruciferous vegetables
without taking the Beano."
"Dad,
I think that would be a very good idea.
By the way, Jaiden, Dale, Charley, and I have had two bottles of milk,
two peanut butter sandwiches, and two bananas."
"Peyton, please tell me y'all didn't actually eat that."
"Oh,
no, Dad, we did. There has to be some
punishment for what you had the kids do to us.
Dale's and Charley's parents will watch the children on the bus and
train until we get back to the hotel tonight.
Dale, Charley, Jaiden, and I will be giving you, Mom, and Dr. Mom our
undivided attention for the rest of the day."
"Oh, God!" "Yeah, I can see
calling on God; you just thought the children stunk; just wait."
Chuck
walked to his grandpa and said, "Gwanpa, Nathan Robert is farting, and it
stinks real bad; can I sit in your lap?"
"Yeah, big fellow, climb up in Grandpa's lap." Chuck climbed onto his lap, wiggled around,
and then cut the stenchiest fart of the day.
"Holy
crap! Dale, do you smell that?"
"Chuck,
nobody can help smelling that. How in
the world can something that bad come out of a fellow who is so cute?" "I don't know, Dale, but watch this."
"Hey,
Charley." "Yes, Dad." "Come over here for a minute." Charley walked over to his dad, smelled what
little Chuck had done, and exclaimed, Holy cow, did my son do that?" "
Indeed,
he did, Charley, and I intend to make you pay for it tonight." Charley knew that when his dad was playing
payback, things could get rather rough, and when his dad made that statement,
Charley turned white. Big Dale was doing
everything he could not to burst out laughing at Charley.
When
Charley walked off, Big Dale asked Jim, "What do you intend to do to Charley
tonight?" "Not a damned thing, Dale; I
am going to let him stew in his own worry all day and this evening. I guarantee you that will be payback enough."
"Jim,
that is truly mean." "You're damned
right it is, Dale; it's also fun. That
boy of mine is gonna be jumping out of his skin all day, and I will have so
much fun watching him fret."
A
little while later, Charley's mom noticed he seemed nervous for some reason,
looked at Chuck, and asked, "Hon, Charley seems really nervous; do you know
what is eating at him?"
"Yep. He had Chuck come over, crawl up in my lap,
and cut the smelliest fart I have smelled in a long time, so I lit a fire under
the red-haired bubble ass of his."
"You
didn't!"
"Oh
yes, I did, and I am going to let him worry all day about what I am going to do
to him tonight."
"And
that is Chuck?"
Not
a thing. I got him making him think I
was going to do something. Our son may
have a new Ph.D., but I am still leagues above him in smarts."
"Chuck,
Charley is my son, too. Don't go to
sleep tonight." With that said, Lindsey
turned and walked off to play with her grandchildren.
"Charley.
"Yes,
mam, Mom."
"Come
here for just a minute. Take a look at
your dad." Mom, he is almost solid
white." "That he is, son, he was born
that way; I just helped him become a little whiter. He isn't going to do anything to get back at
you tonight, and he never was; he was ensuring you were going to fret over what
he might be planning, which is nothing – and don't go telling him I told
you. Now you know what he is nervous
about - you don't piss off mother nature when it comes to her children."
Charley
leaned over, kissed his mom, smiled, and told her he loved her."
Alaina
Noelle saw her dad do that, and she went over and hugged and kissed her grandma
and said, "I love you, Grandma."
Her
brothers eyed her closely, and they weren't about to be outdone by their
sister. Guess what they did; you got it,
except it was to both of their grandmothers.
Special treats would be the rule of the day.
Phyllis
asked her grandsons, "Aren't you going to kiss your grandmas and your grandpa
like your brothers did?" "We can't,
Grandma; Daddy Jaiden told us we couldn't sucker you for anything." "Did your Daddy say it like that?" "Uh-huh!"
"Hmm.
Your Granny and I will fix that; come give us a kiss and a hug." The boys complied and did as they were
told. Jaiden watched them closely, and
when they did that, he walked over to where the grandparents were sitting and
started to ask a question when his mom stopped him in mid-sentence and said, "If you say one word
to those boys, you will be scratching the backs of your eyeballs with my
beautifully painted toenails." As
Phyllis finished saying that to Jaiden, Phyllis chimed in and said, "And when
your mom wrestles her foot out of your rear-end, you can scratch the backs of
your eyeballs with my south Alabama toenails with cow manure under them!"
Jaiden
turned and said, "Damn!"
His
mom asked, "Son, what do you mean by `Damn'?"
"Mom, I told the boys not to try to sucker you out of anything and to be
polite." "Well, son, they did as you
instructed them, so Phyllis and I took care of that – or at least we
will."
"Yeah,
I know, Mom. It's a hell of a note when
five little boys can sucker their dad like they just did me!"
Peggy
started laughing heartily and clapping her hands in her usual fashion. Jaiden turned and walked back to where Peyton
was sitting with and talking to his dad.
Jim asked, "OK, Jaiden, what did those ladies do to you?" "Well, Dad, they just helped the boys sucker
me in Royal fashion - excuse the pun."
"I knew something happened, son."
Jaiden's
cell phone rang, and he walked to a quiet spot to answer it. When he hung up, Peyton asked who in the
world called him in England, of all places.
"Hubby,
that was the Palace Protocol office. We
are to be at the Palace tomorrow evening at six pm, and I was instructed to
wear jeans, a comfortable shirt, and sneakers.
We'll be having a British cookout outside at Williams' and Katherine's
home so all the children can play together.
They understand we don't partake in alcohol, so the office said no
aperitifs would be served." Peyton said,
"Good. I wouldn't be comfortable turning
down a drink the Prince and Princess offered me."
The
children were having a great time crawling in and out of the old burial mound –
and getting wet and muddy. While they
were playing, a lady was sitting on a scooter watching the family
interact. She eventually rode over to
where the adults were sitting and commented on how much fun she had watching
the children and how much good it had done her heart watching them play and be
so happy.
Another
lady came up with a walker and a rather handsome young man. The lady on the scooter introduced herself as
Donna, and the other lady introduced herself as Linda and said the handsome
young man was her boyfriend, Chris, and explained that Chris was Donna's carer
and that they were all good friends.
They
asked Donna where a good place was to feed their large crowd, and she suggested
the American Restaurant in Peterborough.
Charley
said trying Britain's version of American cuisine would be interesting, so they
loaded up and headed to the restaurant.
Jaiden told Donna and crew to join them for dinner and experience the
confusion of feeding ten children something they would eat, so she, Chris, and
Linda joined the crowd at the restaurant.
When
everyone had finished their dinner, and the children had been taken to the loo
prior to going for the train ride back to London, Donna and her trio went to
pay for their meal and discovered the cost had been covered by the `doctors.'
She
had no idea any of the young men were doctors, so she asked them about
that. Peyton explained that he, Jaiden,
Peter, and Richard were pediatricians specializing in oncology and related
surgeries and that Leon was the Clinical Psychologist for the medical
practice. He then said that in two more
semesters, Seth would become a doctor of veterinary medicine like his dad.
Donna
was amazed that she was in the midst of young men of such talents and
brilliance. She uttered to Chris that
she wondered what the children would become when they grew up.
Chris
replied, "I have no idea, but with dads and grandparents who are doctors, they
will probably go into medicine. That
little girl, though, is tough as nails, and I can see her being a professor of
Criminology in a major university somewhere."
About
that time, Alaina Noelle snapped and got her brothers in line as they huddled
together, quivering at the fear of upsetting their little sister. Donna really giggled when she saw that and
said, "You go, girl!"
When
the trio got back to Donna's house, she looked at Chris and Linda and said,
"That's what you two need - a bunch of little children." Chris didn't say anything as he walked to the
kitchen, picked up a bottle of dishwashing liquid, and handed it to Donna. "What's that for," Donna asked. Chris told her to put a couple of drops on her
tongue.
"Why
in the world would I do that," Donna asked.
"Chris replied, "to get the thought of Linda and me having ten children
off your mind and out of your head." The
three had a good chuckle at what Chris said.
Donna knew it was true that the last thing either of them needed was ten
little children running around their homes.
The
following day, the children would be taken to the London Zoo. Since there are over 750 species in the zoo,
that would be an all-day affair before going to the Palace to have dinner with
Prince and his family.
One
of the animals the children enjoyed seeing was the monkeys with beards, as they
called them. Alaina Noelle was
mesmerized and thrilled at getting to feed and pet the meerkats. Chuck was thrilled at getting to see and feed
a giraffe. He looked at Dale and said,
"Daddy, that giraffe has a sticky tongue."
Dale asked him if he knew why, and Chuck said, "No, sir; why?" "Son, it helps them to pull leaves to eat
from the tops of trees." "Oh, Daddy,
sort of like when Nathan Robert pulls grapes off the vine at the house with his
mouth and tongue?" Dale howled at
Chuck's comment, saying, "Yes, buddy, pretty much just like the way Nathan
Robert gets grapes off the vine at home."
When
they got to the lion's section of the zoo, Jaiden and Peyton were curious as to
what comment their boys would make when they saw the big cats. They almost fell rolling on the ground when
nearly every one of their boys pointed at the lions and said, "Look, Daddy, big
damn cat."
Jaiden
looked at Peyton, Charley, and Dale as he asked them if they thought they would
ever get the boys to stop calling cats `damn cats.' All said, "Probably not. Let's just hope the comments don't get
terser."
That
evening, when Alaina was playing with Princess Charlotte and the boys were
playing with Princes George and Louis, the boys told George and Louis that they
had been to the zoo. Prince George asked
the boys if they had seen the `big damn cat.'
Kathryn
heard her son say that, quickly rebuked him, and told him to watch his
language. The guys were about to bust a
gut to laugh when Jaiden said, "Kathryn, we've been fighting that description
for the last three years, and we don't know if we will ever get the boys to
stop describing cats that way."
She
replied, "Please don't tell me that."
Peyton said, "OK, we won't; but I will suggest you learn to do the same
thing we do."
"And
what would that be, Peyton?" "Ya just
gotta learn to laugh at it and let it go.
The less you call attention to what they say when they see a cat, the
quicker they will get over saying it."
"As
soon as we hear the children describe a cat with their words, we quickly say,
`Beautiful cat.' Once in a while, the
boys will slip up and say beautiful cat instead of uttering the other phrase." Kathryn said she and William would have to
try that technique.
Dinner
was more than delicious; everyone was stuffed with the great `British'
hamburgers and chips.
The
adults let the children play for maybe another hour and a half before they
parted company to return to the hotel to get them bathed and in bed. The way the two Princes looked and the way
the guy's sons looked, they definitely had a good time playing and getting
dirty.
The
next day, the guys got another call from the protocol office. They were shocked when they were asked if it
would be OK if their children spent the night with the Royals so they could
play together one more time before they flew back to the States.
Of
course, the dads said yes, and the next morning, they took the children, and a
change of clothes for each, back to the Palace grounds. While the children were under the care of the
Prince and Princess of Wales, all the adults would take in a play at the London
Theatre.
The
guys and their entourage saw the play I Believe In Unicorns which
they thoroughly enjoyed. Afterward, they
toured the Tower of London, Westminster Abby, explored the underground tombs,
heard haunting stories about past happenings, and walked around the old Royal
Naval College. They wouldn't have been
able to do that with the children in tow.
Not
missing the opportunity, all the young doctors turned in early for obvious
reasons. Seth and Andrew stayed on the
roof of the motel with Seth's parents (Andrew's grandparents) while Sally and
Richard enjoyed, shall we say, rather amorous activities leading into the wee
hours of the morning.
Peyton
and Jaiden cuddled and whispered sweet nothings into each other's ear. Jaiden gave Peyton a long, sensual massage, after
which he laid on his lover as they writhed together like snakes in a mating
ritual. When the two had spent
themselves and were out of breath, they cuddled and went peacefully to sleep,
holding each other as they have since day one of their relationship.
When
they arose the next morning and had showered, they called Dale and Charley, and
the four decided to go to the Wolseley Restaurant for a traditional British
breakfast of curried kedgeree, Scottish haggis with fried eggs and grilled
kipper with mustard butter. Their fruit serving consisted of caramelized pink
grapefruits, served with a bowl of Bircher muesli and baskets piled high with
croissants. When they finished their breakfast, they strolled down Piccadilly
and through Green Park to Buckingham Palace to retrieve their children after
lunch.
The
Dads went to William's and Kathrine's home shortly before noon and were
escorted to the Royal residence by Palace security. When they arrived, all of the children were
playing in sprinklers outside and having the best time ever.
The
children saw their dads and ran to them for a hug and the traditional Riley
kiss on the forehead. Strangely, all
three of the Royal children ran to the dads and received the same hug and kiss.
When
the amigos arrived, William and Katheryn were sitting at a table on the patio,
watching the children playing and laughing their heads off.
Richard,
Sally, Leon, and Peter were with the four amigos at the Palace to pick up the
children and got swarmed by their niece and nephews. William remarked about how well-behaved the
children were the day and night before and what a joy it had been to have them
spend time with George, Charlotte, and Louis.
Kate
spoke up and said, "There was one particular thing we noticed about the children: George, Nathan-Robert, and Chuck are three of
a kind, and Jason, Abraham, Mark, and our Louis are so much alike we would
almost swear they were quadruplets. All
of the children were an absolute joy to have in our home. It was the first time that George, Charlotte,
and Louis had friends over to spend the night, and they thoroughly enjoyed
spending time with their new friends."
Jaiden
grinned at the comparison between Nathan-Robert, Chuck, and Prince George and
told Kate and William that he would daven for them, which drew a laugh from
everybody. He also said how proud he was
that Prince Louis, Jason, Abraham, and Mark got on so well.
The
Royals invited the American entourage to have pizza with them and the children,
but the guests politely declined, stating that they had a huge, traditional
British breakfast at Wolseley's.
William
asked, "So, did you guys try the curried kedgeree?" "We did, and Dale has already gotten the
recipe and will prepare the dish for us when we get home." "What did you think about the Haggis?" "It was definitely interesting, but we
enjoyed it immensely – especially considering you can't buy it in the
States."
William
asked, "Why not?" "It seems our
government has decided that sheep lungs are unfit for human consumption, yet
they allow pig intestines to be cooked and served a hundred different
ways."
"Pig
intestines! What do those things taste
like?" "Charley jumped at the chance to
answer that question, and Jaiden and Peyton hung their heads and said a quick
prayer that Charley's explanation would be somewhat appropriate.
Charley
said, "William, the first thing you do is sling the crap out of the
intestines. Then you tie them to a hose
and flood them with water until they look clean. You are supposed to strip the white lining
out of them before you boil, bake, or batter and fry them. Then when you taste them, you spit them out
as hard and fast as possible because they taste just like what you slung out of
them." William died laughing and said,
"You are kidding, aren't you?" Jaiden
assured William that Charley's assessment of chitlins was very accurate and
told the story about when Charley ordered some for the children to try when
they lived in Memphis.
"What
did the children do when they tasted them, William asked. Charley said, "You know when I said you bake,
boil, or batter and fry them after properly cleaning them? Well, that was done,
and when the children tried them, they hurriedly spit them out onto their
plates and promptly got me told. I have
never lived that down with the children."
William and Kate snickered at what Charley had to say.
Lunch
was completed, and the dads gathered the children and headed back to the hotel,
where they would meet up with the others in the group and decide what to do
next. Everybody said they enjoyed the
trip because nothing was scripted and they had fun flying by the seat of their
pants while doing whatever they wanted.
As
the week was drawing to a close, castles across the UK had been seen inside and
out, children's parks and zoos had been experienced, many restaurants had been
visited, and weird foods (for Americans) had been tried and enjoyed.
Charley,
Dale, and Peyton having been born and raised in the South, particularly enjoyed
the Haggis. Jaiden turned green at the
thought of having tried it.
Saturday
morning came around too quickly, and the crowd headed to Heathrow Airport to
catch their flight home. They flew to
the UK on United Airlines and would fly home with the same company.
As
they boarded the jet, the crew they flew to the UK with was waiting eagerly to
see the children to whom they would be giving special gifts. As each child got on the plane, they were
given United Airlines jumpsuits similar to the ones Ford had sent to them.
True
to nature, the children weren't bashful at being seen scantily clad and shucked
off their clothes and donned the United Airlines jumpsuits they had been
given. Then they went to each flight
crew hostess and gave them a hug and a kiss and handed them one card each with
a gift inside.
During
the flight, those children didn't want for anything because the stewardesses
kept them supplied with nutritious drinks and snacks and served them meals that
even the first-class passengers didn't get.
When
the flight landed in Erie, each stewardess got another hug and kiss from the
children, but the pilots got something extra special: a kiss on the cheek from Alaina Noelle, who
then looked up at Dale and said, `Daddy, they're CUTE!" which made Dale and
Charley blush a bright, crimson red. It
gave the pilots a nice chuckle.
Their
trip was featured on the evening news in Erie, and the final comment from the
anchors was, "Once again, the Riley-Reynolds and Leonard-Anderson children
amazed everyone on the flight with their amazingly good behavior. Rick Martin, the Pilot, and Nelson Peterson,
the First Officer, said, "we thoroughly enjoyed having the incredibly
well-behaved children on our flight, especially Alaina Noelle - who said we are
cute."