Date: Thu, 13 Nov 2008 10:34:02 -0800 (PST) From: Jo Jo Subject: The Living Years Chap 22-"With Great Care We Heal" Disclaimer: The following story contains activity that would be considered of homosexual nature between consenting college students. While none of it crosses into a gratuitous nature, if such material is offensive to you or you are not of the legal age to read such material in your area, please do not. Other than that, please enjoy the story! The Living Years Chapter 22 "With Great Care, We Heal" "What about Statham?" Trey asked, as they all continued to stare at the remodeling in progress. "Ooh, no, that place got a funny smell. Like feet," Grace objected, wrinkling her nose. "Rhyner is nice. I hear they have chefs that prepare special meals for you," Zoey suggested. "Accept that Rhyner is ten minutes away and I don't think any of us are upperclassmen," Noah replied, arm around Trey. With the second semester back in session for a little over a week, everyone had settled back into their lives nicely since taking time away from their families to spend winter break together in the dorms. They'd actually managed to successfully spend 31 days living in the dorm hall that they were supposed to have vacated with the 1700 other residents that were housed there with them. And despite a few bumps along the way, they all agreed that spending time with each other was a lot better than going home. Of course, that world was now over and it was time to get back to the one which they lived in. The world in which they had school to deal with. A school that was remodeling it's Ark Hall cafeteria and forcing it's residents to alter their afternoon rituals of meeting there to eat lunch, now having to look elsewhere. "What do you think Jesse?" Grace asked. "Don't ask him, he's a loser," Sierra replied, bitterly. And she was bitter, right along with Jesse, after finding out that they shared each of their six classes together. It was the worst string of luck either one of them could have received after smooth sailing thus far and neither one of them was happy about it. "Hey, Jesse, are you okay?" Grace asked. "You don't look so good, boy." "Maybe it's because I haven't seen a spa in ages," Jesse replied. "Royalty enjoys its perks." "What would know about royalty other than being king of nothing?" Sierra spoke. "Well, we have to pick somewhere because I didn't eat breakfast this morning and I'll fight a bitch to get a damn burger," Grace said, watching as one of the construction workers passed along her left side carrying a dirty ladder in his arms. She continued watching until her eyes landed upon a familiar but unwanted face, causing her to jump behind Trey using him as her shield from sight. "Oh my god, what's wrong with you girl?" Trey asked, a large grin on his face. "He's here. Again. Let's go fast before he follows me around all day," Grace replied. "Am I missing something here?" Noah asked. "That guy over there, reading the book, that Grace will tell you is actually pretending to read the book, is apparently her stalker," Trey replied. Everyone looked over at the guy in question as Grace frowned, slapping Trey on the back. "Ooh, cute," Sierra commented. "Very," Zoey added. "Boy don't lie to these people. That idiot IS stalking me. I have half a mind to call security on his freaky ass." "And tell them what? That some random guy on campus is paying more attention to you than you seem to be to him when it's really the other way around?" Trey asked. "Take it from someone with experience dealing with crazy random sickos. Your first suspicion is generally your greatest one," Sierra took the moment to announce. "Too much of a loaded statement for me to even begin to attack you for," Jesse groaned. "So are we gonna eat soon or just stand around talking about eating and stalkers?" Zoey asked. "I don't know, I think I'm kinda liking all the talk about the stalkers," Noah replied, a grin on his face. "Yes, you would, wouldn't you?" Jesse spoke, continuing to sound even more bitter than usual. "Please, someone kindly inform me as to how my life has come to me lacking the ability to find decent people to spend my free time with?" "Don't flatter yourself, ass," Sierra replied. "We're doing YOU the favor." "Let's just leave them," Noah whispered to Trey as he started to walk him away from their friends, arms still wrapped around him from behind. "Ya'll don't leave me out here," Grace spoke, catching up. "Unless you wanna see my face on the news tonight." "You over-exaggerate way too much, Grace," Zoey replied. "I mean, I know some stuff about stalkers. People thought my boyfriend was stalking me before we got together." "Was he?" Sierra asked, suspiciously. "No, of course not. But it just goes to show the places your mind will go when you really need some kind of relationship, sex or not," Zoey replied as she and everyone else started walking forward, no particular destination in mind. "So, what you're trying to say is that my black ass needs a man?" Grace asked. "I'm saying the only way to know if hot stalker guy really is hot stalker guy and not just some random dude is to talk to him," Zoey replied. "How else would you know for sure?" "After he slits my throat," Grace mumbled more to herself than anyone. Trey let himself feel at ease with Noah as the two of them walked along silently. He never would have imagined that he'd go from doubting his sexuality to having two guys fighting for his affection to feeling so in love with one that he wasn't even worried about what people might think or say when they saw them together. He was happy to be with Noah and he could feel everyday just how happy Noah was to be with him every day that they were together. And they'd been spending everyday together. Through the comfortable silence that had fallen over the group came a sudden round of sneezes from Jesse, who stopped walking for a moment after the fourth one before just shrugging them off altogether. Everyone else stopped with him, Grace and Sierra exchanged glances of concern. "Boy if you don't take yo sick white ass to the damn doctor before you get me sick-" "Seriously, if I get sick I'll-" "Would you two come off it already?" Jesse spoke, sounding flustered. "We Yorkshires don't get sick. I have the immune system of the strongest lion, let me assure you." "What kind of immune systems do lions have, babe?" Trey asked Noah looking up at him from in front. "I don't know, but since some lions tend to eat people, I'd say that makes their immune systems better than Jesse's," Noah replied. "Piss off, fucking retard," Jesse mumbled. "And now you see why I have my very own I Hate Jesse voodoo doll," Sierra muttered. "Girl, no, that shit is creepier than a stalker," Grace said, frowning. Everyone else mumbled in agreement as they continued headed nowhere in particular. All Shawn could wonder to himself as he sat across from Ben three tables away was how he could have let such a friendship as the one they used to share just dissolve into the current state that it was. Ben was, after all, the one that told him girls had cooties in the first grade. He was the one that stood up for him in the fifth grade when the class bully tried to steal his lunch money. He was the one that told him about the birds and the bees. He was the one that stayed home for school with him when he was out with pneumonia for two weeks. He was the one that had pretty much taught him everything he knew about life and he knew that without Ben, he more than likely would have spent his entire life in the shadows, afraid to get out and live his life. And now they were nothing. Shawn knew that he couldn't just let what Ben had done to that guy at the bar go and mean absolutely nothing but he cared too much about Ben to just let their friendship end over something like that. And if he knew Ben half as well as he thought, he was probably feeling the same way. They had to talk. He knew that much. The hard part was getting there. Every time Shawn had tried, Ben had pretty much shut him down. But he knew that he had to keep trying or else he'd end up losing out on probably what would be the most important friendship in his entire life. Currently, Ben was alone, looking over one of his textbooks while eating something that looked like pasta. Shawn figured it was the perfect opportunity to go talk to him while he was alone so that he wouldn't lose his nerve and forget about doing it entirely. Passing a group of chatting girls as he walked over, Shawn made eye contact with Ben, who he noticed sigh and roll his eyes in return. Not wanting to turn back, Shawn kept forward until he was standing in front of Ben. He was feeling a rush of emotions before he walked over and even as he stood standing before Ben. All it took was a look from Ben that said he was more than pissed to see him to send Shawn feeling like he was ready to head for the hills. And at the moment, he even was considering doing just that. "What?" Ben asked, every inch of disdain for Shawn evident in his tone. Shawn took a moment before sitting down in front of Ben wondering how exactly he was going to go about trying to win his best friend back. "Can we talk?" he asked "Can you go away and let me eat my lunch?" Ben replied, still annoyed. Shawn stared at Ben staring at him before sighing and looking down. He was so discontent he was ready to give up. Or at least he felt that way. But he knew that he couldn't let himself do that. "When are we gonna grow up and try to act halfway like adults, Ben?" Shawn asked. "What?" "This whole thing that we're doing...not talking because-" "Because YOU were a fucking prick about something that was humiliating and weird and-" "And I know. And I'm sorry. I...I freaked out. Okay? Shit, what do you want me to say?" "How about the truth? Or is that just not something you ever considered would need to be talked about by us." Shawn shifted in his seat as the uncomfortable feeling he was behind their conversation was starting to unnerve him. "The way it came out...it was bad, I'll admit that," Shawn started. Ben scoffed as Shawn continued. "But I was feeling like I had nobody. I mean you and I weren't talking and I was mad at Trey and Noah and I felt like I just had to tell somebody about it even if I had to tell everyone. I never really thought about what I was doing and it was stupid and weird and crazy and-" "Yeah it was all of the above and fucked up. What's your point?" "My point is that I made a shitload of mistakes that I'm trying to make right and I'd love it you could cut me some slack and let me try." Ben stared at Shawn. Shawn stared back. Shawn sat in their silence waiting for what seemed like to him too long before Ben even made a move, leaning forward across the table as if finally ready to get serious about their entire dilemma. "So how long?" he started. Shawn stared quizzically at Ben. "You mean...how long have I-" "You been..." Shawn blinked a few times before responding. "I don't know. I guess it has more to do with Trey than anything. I mean now that he's with Noah I don't even think about guys that way. I fucked a girl last night if that means anything." "Not when you've already had your dick up some guy's ass no but thanks anyway," Ben replied. Shawn could almost tell whether or not Ben was being serious but not quite yet. He wasn't sure where the two of them stood yet. "Ben-" "Shawn, what do you want from me? What do you think you'd do if I was the one telling you all this?" Shawn didn't respond. In fact he didn't do much of anything as he watched Ben sigh and look past him briefly. He hadn't been expecting their conversation not to end on a positive note. But the fact of the matter was that they hadn't made much progress in either direction. "I'm trying to tell you that whatever you think I am, I'm not," Shawn figured he'd try. Ben looked over at him semi confused but didn't say anything. "I mean, I don't like guys...just one, and he's...it doesn't matter, I'm not gay." Ben stared at Shawn. Shawn stared at Ben. Time continued to pass and neither one of them seemed willing to be the bigger man and just get over things that weren't even as bad as they were making them seem. "So are we done here?" Ben suddenly asked, jolting Shawn out of his thoughts. It took him a moment to come back to reality but he finally did manage to say something. "What?" "Look, I don't know what to tell you other than I need my space right now. Maybe I'll get over it, maybe not." Shawn just stared at his friend as he started to stand up. "Life's too short to waste time on shit like this Shawn. Why don't you go find somebody else to play best friend with?" Shawn realized that this conversation was not unlike the previous ones he'd attempted to have with Ben. The difference this time was that he refused to leave their future completely open and uncertain. He wanted to know for sure whether or not he was ever going to have his best friend back. "Eighth grade.You'd just asked Tina Elroy to go to the school winter formal with you and you were completely over the moon about it." Ben, knowing the story that Shawn was telling just sighed, feeling a little too intimidated to stare back at Shawn. "You actually went around the school telling everyone you could that you'd managed to get her to say yes. You went home that very day and picked out your outfit for the formal, which wasn't for another three weeks and you put it together, hanging outside the door to your room." "Shawn-" "So the day comes for the formal and you, being the good best friend that you were, realized that you had been so wrapped up in your date that you hadn't asked to see if I found one yet. And of course I hadn't because I was still shy about dating. Which the other kids noticed because they started calling me gay because I didn't have a date." Ben continued to listen. "Remember what you did when Chris Thompson tried to get everyone to pin `kick me, I'm gay' signs on my back that day?" Ben remembered but was starting to feel ashamed of himself. "Of course you do because I'll always remember it. You dumped Tina and announced to everyone that if you didn't have a date, that it must have made you gay too then. Of course, you were Ben, king of the school so no one thought you were gay." Ben stared into Shawn's eyes, fondly remembering what his friend was talking about. "No one ever messed with me again. That was the day I became me, the Shawn I am today and the Shawn I still am even if..." Ben looked down at the table, too nervous to speak. "Ben-" "There you are! God, you're like the slowest eater on earth," one of Ben's female companions spoke, jumping into his lap and putting her arms around his neck. "I don't have chem until six. Wanna go fuck around?" "Uh.." Ben looked over at Shawn looking slightly exasperated. "Vik-" "You two are done right? I mean, I'm not interrupting anything am I?" Ben and Shawn stared at each other. As far as Shawn was concerned the ball was in Ben's corner now. He'd laid everything on the proverbial table for them to deal with and sort out. "No," Ben replied, standing up and looking away from Shawn. "Let's go." "Awesome. My roommate's like...dead or something. I mean, I don't know I haven't seen her in like forever so we totally have the place all to ourselves." "Sweet," Ben replied, heading past Shawn, not before flashing him a brief look that Shawn couldn't quite decipher. Shawn decided that was going to be his first and most important priority now that he'd realized he needed to get his priorities in order. As he was starting to realize, he didn't do quite so well on his own. "Now why do people do that shit? If yo ass is fat, you don't need to be wearing no damn daisy dukes. Shit!" Grace complained as a semi overweight black girl passed her and made her way out of the Ark Hall. "How was she fat Grace?" Trey asked. "Hey a fat ass is a fat ass. Don't go mocking me," Grace said, crossing her arms firmly. "Hey you think if we sit here long enough they'll actually let us in the cafeteria to look around or something?" Sierra asked. "You speaking right now is like nails on a chalkboard," Jesse spoke in a highly annoyed tone, hand on his head. "And may I be frank?" "Aren't you always?" Noah mumbled. "You all have been almost unbearably too happy since school has been back in, as if to say there actually is something to be so excited about." "Well, I'm still alive," Grace commented. "I didn't have to repeat my freshman year," Trey added "I still have the greatest friends in the world," Noah also added. "I made it through an entire semester with a steady boyfriend," Zoey spoke, proudly. "That none of us have ever seen," Jesse replied. "I believe that's been commented on before." "Well I made it through the semester without-" "What, getting pregnant?" Jesse finished for Sierra. Everyone exchanged glances before Grace spoke up. "Boy, what the hell is wrong with you lately?" she asked. "Yeah, I mean you've always been a pain in the ass but now you're just being mean," Sierra replied. "So sorry that your non existent feelings are so susceptible to being hurt," Jesse replied. "By all means, let's continue on with our little share circle. Perhaps we'll even stumble onto a remotely interesting topic." "Ignoring the psycho grouch over there, yeah, I think he's right about one thing," Zoey started. "We are in pretty good places in our lives right now so I guess we are all happy huh?" "For how long should be the more appropriate question," Jesse mumbled. "God, would it kill you people to add some sort of café to the lobby here? I could use a macchiato." "Could you use my foot up your-" "I THINK what Sierra means, Jesse, is that you're getting our damn nerves, boy," Grace replied. "Did you see your brother or something?" "Believe me, whatever mood you think I'm in now would pale in comparison to the one I'd be in had I seen my brother," Jesse replied. "And I don't know why everyone is acting like this is out of character for me. I thought living in America makes us all naturally snide people." "That's funny, we say that exact same thing about the British," Noah commented. "Yes but do you actually mean it?" Jesse replied. As Noah was formulating a response there a sudden loud burst of pandemonium coming from one of the back hallways in the outer foyer.Once everyone started to look around the chaos was soon accompanied by the loud whirring of the fire alarms, seemingly going off in ever which direction. "Jesus christ, bloody hell!" Jesse shouted, springing up. "Someone's ass better be on fire and running down them damn stairs or I'ma be seriously pissed!" Grace shouted, looking all around her as several dozen students started running around unsure of what to do with themselves. Meanwhile, Noah promptly grabbed Trey's hand and held him back, as if protecting him from a charging lion. Trey didn't mind one bit and actually felt comfort in the fact that Noah's first instinct was to protect him and not himself. "Everyone, please try not to panic!" came the booming voice of one of the Residence Hall assistants standing atop the front desk. "Yeah, we'll be sure not to panic every time alarms go off!" Sierra shouted right back. "This is a fire drill. Please proceed out the front doors and over to the back parking lot-" "Why can't we just go out the back doors straight into the parking lot?" Noah asked. "Because everyone likes a burnt little American, apparently," Jesse mumbled in response as he gathered his jacket and started towards the doors, not waiting for anyone. "Uh, it's cold outside," Grace started. "Fire drill means ain't no real fire. I ain't bout to freeze my ass off for a fake fire." "It's so you know what to do in case there's a real fire, Grace," Zoey said. "Oh right, when was the last real fire you've been in?" Sierra asked, sarcastically. "Can we just do like everyone else and leave already?" Trey asked, pulling Noah's arm into the air leading him outside. Grace, Sierra and Zoey all followed in tow. Along the way, Trey crossed paths with Shawn who seemed just as annoyed yet confused as to what was going on as everyone else. "What's going on?" Shawn shouted over the chaos. "I don't know," Trey replied. Lately, Trey had been feeling like he wanted to reconcile things with Shawn provided he was ready, but felt more like he had to check things over with Noah first. He didn't know why he felt that way, he just knew that he did and it was really starting to bother him. Noah noticed the look Trey seemed to be giving Shawn and made sure to hold his hand as he led them through the crowd of people making their way towards the parking lot. "This reminds me of the running of the bulls in Spain," Sierra commented. "Although I guess the people are the bulls in this case." "No no, just one bull," Jesse sneered. "They really ARE all running from you." "You're an asshole," Sierra replied simply. Everyone continued to follow along with the crowd until they were all safely placated in the parking lot, gathering around and talking as if they weren't currently involved in a fire drill. "Damn, this is the WORST time to have a fire drill," Grace shivered, clenching her arms together and looking around. "Oh yes, next time when there's a, you know, REAL fire, we'll all be sure to bring along chocolate and graham crackers. Make it an event to remember." "There's not gonna be a real fire, Jesse," Sierra replied. "Hey, hey, now, I'm superstitious. Don't be talking about fires and shit like they can't happen. Cuz they can you know." Deciding to tune his friends out, Noah turned to face Trey, who grinned at him as he rubbed his hands together in the cold. "You know that's what you have me for," Noah said. "Boyfriends make good cold debuffers." "Debuffer?Is that even a real word?" Trey asked. "Possibly," Noah replied, wrapping his coat around Trey while pulling him closer. "You know, we haven't exactly had an actual date yet." "What are you talking about? Sure we have," Trey replied, feeling a bit awkward with all the peering eyes he thought were staring surrounding him. "Trey, all we do is the same two things. Hang out in one of our rooms watching South Park reruns or go to Welts for coffee. And all that's BEFORE we end up hanging out with Zoey and Grace anyway." "What about what we do after?" Trey thought he'd try. "What you mean the nine, maybe even ten minutes of pure, uninterrupted making out? I haven't even seen your...I don't have a clue how big you are." Trey was feeling on edge. He felt like not only was everyone staring at him but that they were all somehow listening in on the conversation that his boyfriend was apparently unafraid to have in front of them. Either way, he didn't feel like it was the place or the right time. "Can we please talk about this later?" Trey asked, feeling more embarrassed with each passing second. Noah looked around before sighing with annoyance. "Yeah, sure, whatever," he replied, none too happy with Trey at the current moment. "Oh, naw boy get away from me if you ass is sick," Grace complained, pushing away from Jesse after displaying quite a nasty cough. "Sick? Might I remind you that I've never been...sick, as you call it, a day in my well provided for life," Jesse replied in defense. "It's this below zero degree weather the school has seen fit to keep us loitering in. I have half a mind to sue." "And say what? That the school was trying to prepare you for what to do to survive in the event of a fire?" Sierra asked. "I've read about that sort of thing you know. Schools setting fire to their own buildings to gain access to the insurance money that is always double their actual school budget." "Where do you get all these conspiracy theories from?" Sierra asked. "I mean, we know it's not your ass. That's where the rest of the trash comes from." "You know, one of these days you're going to realize that the reason no one wants to befriend or date you has nothing to do with your flat chest or average appearance and more to do with your innate ability to make even the sound of your voice cringe worthy." "And one of these days, you're going to realize that people actually do only put up with you because of daddy's money," Sierra shot back. "I've already realized that unfortunate truth. What's your excuse, love?" "Okay can we just stand here and freeze to death with normal conversation like everyone else?" Zoey asked. "Yeah that's right school of mine. Give my black ass an excuse to sue," Grace mumbled. Trey couldn't help but to notice the looks that Shawn was flashing him out the corner of his eye. The funny thing was, he was with Noah and cared a lot about him. But there wasn't a day that went by that he wasn't questioning his decision. Part of him felt that he was missing out on something that he could only find with Shawn. That was the same part of him that actually wanted to find out what that something was. But then he'd look into Noah's piercing dark eyes and remember the reason he choose him over Shawn in the first place and it would make everything right again. The problem he was having lied in the fact that it kept happening. That was what had him worried. "Attention students. We apologize for the inconvenience of alarm systems. You may now all return inside the building." "Wait so that wasn't a drill?" Sierra asked. "No, just one more thing to add to my very long list of reasons why the British are better than the American's," Jesse mumbled as they all started back inside. "Hey, keep talking like that and yo ass is gonna have to find some actual British people to hang around," Grace replied. "Yeah good luck," Sierra chuckled. "My guess is, even the British students wouldn't want you." "Well we can already safely put to rest the insane idea that they'd ever want YOU," Jesse shot back, again re establishing the fact that he loved to have the last word. Trey was in a hurry. He had a test coming up that he really needed to find time to study for but hadn't really made the time for because of Noah. Noah was in class and he figured he could steal a few minutes away in his room to study before Noah, who liked to routinely walk with Trey to any of their classes, finished with the one he was already in. He was almost certain that someone had said hi to him as he passed down the hallway, but being in the semi rush he was in, he hadn't really stopped to think about it. He fished his keys out of his left pocket with one hand while trying to hold tight to three of his textbooks in the other, nearly dropping them in the process. A fellow freshman running behind him buck naked and shouting something about bringing death to the fur wearers apparently thinking he was doing someone somewhere some good. Trey hadn't dropped his book that time but he did however get around to dropping them once he entered his room and saw Shawn, shitless and on the ground doing pushups with one hand. Trey allowed his eyes to follow the bead of sweat making its way down Shawn's already completely sweaty back and into the loose fitting sweats he was wearing. Shawn hadn't missed a beat in his workout, not even looking up as Trey gathered up his books and threw them on his bed, trying to find a way to play it cool and get himself under control. "We have a workout room, you know," Trey started, not looking over at Shawn as he took of his jacket. "On the third floor." "Yeah, "Shawn panted, continuing his workout. "I do." Trey sighed, annoyed and a little unsure of what to do with himself. It was obvious that being this close to Shawn doing what he was doing was turning him on but he also knew that there wasn't much he could do about it since it was half his room too. "So, you finally playing college student from THIS universe and skipping class like the rest of us?" Shawn asked, standing up and wiping his forehead with a hand towel. "Actually I'm playing college student who wants to graduate with a job offer and people halfway around my age," Trey relied. Shawn rolled his eyes as he took a bottle of water out of his mini fridge and took a sip, looking Trey over. "Guess you don't care much about working out yourself huh?" Shawn asked. "No because I kinda have something called a 4.0 GPA to maintain," Trey replied. "Doesn't leave me a lot of time to do what the rest of you have to do to get along in this world. You know, the making yourself pretty for change?" "When did you get to be so snarky?" Shawn asked, pulling a shirt over his sweaty frame. "About the same time you decided to stop talking to me," Trey replied. "That's always fun." "Did you ever think I might be in some sort of pain?" Shawn asked. Trey looked over at Shawn, trying to gauge if he was being serious. The thought really hadn't crossed his mind actually, but now that he thought about it... The room grew silent for a few moments, the two of them staring at each other. "I don't...know why I do it," Shawn replied. "I'm not usually such a moody person." "Really?"Trey asked, not believing the ridiculous words coming out of Shawn's mouth. Trey took a seat at his desk and started taking out his notebooks from his back pack as Shawn stood up and started pacing around. "It's just life for me keeps stacking up-" "Stop," Trey cut Shawn off. Shawn wasn't expecting that. He semi had his entire spiel planned out. They usually worked, until he screwed things up again. "What?" "Look, I already told you I'm not gonna be responsible for you and your pathetic life anymore," Trey replied. "Your problems are YOUR problems and I'm tired of hearing about them every five minutes-" "It's not even like that Trey-" "Oh really?" Trey asked, turning around to face Shawn. This wasn't really a conversation he really wanted to be having. Usually Trey liked to think of himself as a non confrontational person but Shawn was usually the one to bring out that rare confrontational side of him. "How many times have we had a variation of this exact same conversation, or screaming matches I should say?" Trey continued. "You just don't seem to understand that I'm not the one who's gonna put up with you and your bullshit." "Because putting up with your own bullshit is too much for you to handle huh?" "Excuse me?" Trey asked. "Half of my current problems revolve around you. I never looked at another guy until I saw you Trey. You're all I think about every day and it's driving me crazy that I can't have you." Trey was caught off guard now. He wasn't expecting Shawn to be so bold. He knew that Shawn still had feelings for him, he'd already told him that. But this was different. He turned back around slowly, trying to regain focus on his work. "I...I have to study," he spoke dully as if reading the words from something. "Noah'll be out of class soon and he's gonna want to-" "Did you hear anything I just said Trey?" Shawn asked, almost pleadingly. Trey thought for a moment, swallowing hard and shutting his eyes before opening them. "Yeah," he replied. "I heard you." And that was all he could allow himself to say. Because the weaker part of him was starting to become the stronger part of him. And he was afraid for Noah what would happen once it did. "Jesse?" Amber asked quizzically. There were several things wrong with the current picture before her. Jesse, usually one keen on keeping up his ultra expensive appearance, was standing at her bedroom door wearing a cheap `kiss me, I'm Irish' t shirt, some tattered blue jeans and a long bathrobe over the entire outfit, complete with house slippers on his feet. His hair, always meticulously styled was an unkempt mess, not unlike the rest of him. His breath stunk, signifying that he hadn't brushed his teeth and he smelled a little like he'd spent the night surrounded by homeless people in a soup kitchen. There was all that and the most surprising yet most important fact that he was even standing before her door with a wide smile on a face that looked happy to see her. "Well aren't I going to be invited in? It's rude to keep guests waiting you know," Jesse replied. "Whose guest are you supposed to be? Osama Bin Laden's?" Amber asked. "I stopped in to see you, my dear," Jesse replied, taking the opportunity to show himself into the room Amber hadn't seen fit to invite him inside of. "I like what little you've done with the place." "Yeah, I like to change the scenery every...what are you doing here Jesse?" Amber asked, crossing her arms in front of Jesse, who was now seated comfortably atop her bed. "Traded up I see. I know Egyptian cotton when I feel it," Jesse replied, feeling Amber's bed. "Jesse!" "Visiting...a...friend," Jesse replied simply. Amber did a double take as Jesse fell back atop her bed, giggling as he pretended to be making snow angels in the sheets. "Jesse...are you like, high or something?" Amber asked. It would explain why he looked like a crack addict, Amber figured. "No, just high on the prospectus of life," Jesse replied, cheerily. "What are you like a vampire or something? Let's get some light in this room." As Amber watched Jesse get up and head towards her blinds, a thought quickly popped into her head that quickly had her rushing to hide her face. "Look, I don't know what the hell this is but it's sick to put me on your weird reality show when I haven't done my morning yoga." "Reality shows are all a bunch of generalized filth. I'm above that. What, can we not just hang out like friends do?" Amber removed the towel over her face and threw it on top of her bed. "The last time we `hung out' you called me a cheap tart with chain smoker skin and a walrus's ass." "Really?That doesn't sound like something I'd say." "I mean, pop tarts and walruses are types of food, duh," Amber chuckled. "Well, if I did all that I do sincerely apologize." The words had barely left Jesse's mouth before Amber let out a high pitched and very audible shriek. "What?" Jesse asked. "Did you just apologize to me for something?" Amber asked. "Don't sound surprised, plenty of people do it every day around the world," Jesse replied. "Yeah, just not you." "Interesting," Jesse mumbled as if in a deep thought session before suddenly jumping up. "I have an idea!" "What?" Amber asked, still feeling unsure as to what was going on. "How about we go play right Jesse's wrongs? Attempt to make up for all the harm I've no doubt caused people. After all, it is a new year and I do have a lot of resolutions I want to stick to for once." Amber thought for a moment before getting up, walking slowly towards the window. "You mean like a team or something?" "Can't you picture it? Us on the same side? Me the good looking Brit from London that everyone talks about. You the effervescent Texan cheerleader with great hair and teeth. It's almost like a modern day fairytale." "Whoa, hold your horses there Cinderfella," Amber said, quickly turning around. "How exactly do I know if I can trust you?" "Amber look at this face," Jesse replied, complete with crust filled eyes and five o clock shadow. "Would I lie to you?" "Actually-" Amber's words were cut off as Jesse started hacking up a series of phlegm filled coughs before stopping suddenly and looking over at her. "What?" he asked, completely serious as if nothing had just happened. "Are you like, dying?" "I don't think so, no," Jesse replied. "You made up your mind about our day's adventure yet?" Amber despised Jesse because it was more convenient for her than the alternative, which she knew rested in the fact that she'd always had feelings for Jesse and still did. And if it looked like he was coughing up his last days on Earth, she was going to be right by his side, coughing with him so to speak. At the very least she wanted Jesse to see a pretty face before he died, if that was where he was headed and she needed to stick around to keep him out of trouble. "Sure, what the hell," she responded promptly. "But if you expect me to go anywhere with you, you're gonna have to go as Jesse Yorkshire the rich playboy, not Jesse Yorkshire the just started walking upright two weeks ago caveman." "Deal," Jesse replied. "Are these edible?" Amber looked over at the fake apple that Jesse was looking over. "No," she replied sighing. "We have A LOT of work to do." Normally Trey and Shawn walked together to class but today was different. Today Noah had an exam to take in his previous class. An exam that had been so difficult for him that he had to stay after twenty extra minutes just to attempt to finish. He left still feeling bad about the way he left his test, but he had no time to walk his boyfriend to class and had to go directly to his next one. This had been what Trey had learned from Noah on the phone. Since Trey didn't have another class for two more hours, he essentially had nothing to do with his time other than to study for his own exam. Normally he picked the library as his place of choice to study but he had a lot on his mind and knew that if he even attempted to leave his room, he'd probably wander into the street and end up getting crushed by a student going 70 on a 20 mph street. So he stayed in his room along with Shawn, who as far as Trey could tell, had forgone going to class entirely this semester. Shawn was at his computer, chatting away with the friends he had that actually were in class, where he should have been right along with them. Trey was just thinking about how nice it would have been if their school was close enough to home for him to live there and just commute before the loud buzzing of the fire alarms began to sound once again. It had startled him but had done nothing to Shawn, who just continued on doing what he was doing, ignoring them entirely. Trey looked over at Shawn, amazed that he didn't seem to care that their building was possibly on fire. "Shawn!" he shouted over the buzzing. "What?" Shawn asked simply, not even looking over at Trey. "Do you not hear that?" Trey asked. "We have to get out of here." "Ah, no we don't," Shawn replied. "What do you mean no we don't?" Shawn sighed and turned to face Trey. "The fire alarms have gone off three times since the semester started, and always at the same time. And those were just the times that I was here to hear them." Trey stared at Shawn incredulously. "So what you're just gonna sit there and talk about how dull your life's become until you roast in a fire?" "Would you chill out, Trey? There's no fi-" "FIRE!" came shouting from outside their dorm room. Trey immediately jumped up and threw open their door, looking around the hall outside at all the students running past him and over to the stairwell located directly left of their door. "See!" Trey exclaimed. "Please," Shawn replied, still not showing the slightest bit of interest in their situation. "How many times do you think I've heard THAT this week?" Trey was trying to keep from panicking while simultaneously trying to keep in the rage he was starting to feel behind Shawn's complete lack of care regarding their situation. He knew Shawn to be lazy, even when they were getting along, but this definitely topped the cake. "Shawn, we can't stay here. What if there's a real fire? Smoke...do you smell smoke? I think I'm asphyxiating." "Look, Trey, you're REALLY starting to bug me," Shawn started, turning around to face Trey. "I told you there's not a real fire. Now sit down and shut up!" Trey stared at Shawn amazed at his tenacity. "You know what? No!" Shawn stared at Trey. "What?" "You may be okay with roasting like a Thanksgiving turkey but I don't want my room smelling like burnt white people, so we're leaving." Trey hadn't left Shawn much of a choice. In fact, he rushed over to Shawn, grabbed him by the arm, pulled him upward and started leading him towards the door. Shawn, not one to be bullied or bossed around, let himself free from Trey's grip and crossed his arms. "No," Shawn replied, sounding like a rejected five year old. "I'm not going anywhere." "Yes you are," Trey started, grabbing Trey again. "Find me first!" Shawn exclaimed rushing past Trey and out into the halls. "Shawn, come back here! Shawn!" Even when Shawn was being a reckless loser did Trey find himself concerned for him, as he was realizing. The last thing he could take was something happening to him if he could have prevented it. He had to find Shawn and get him out of the building, fire or no fire. "So you're an orphan from Mexico in need of a few extra dollars? Here, take this unsigned check. Make it out to yourself and feed the children. Because why? Because I care," Jesse crooned, looking into the eyes of a shapely Hispanic student that had just finished telling Jesse her life story, him actually sticking around to hear the whole thing. "Uh, okay, enough Nelson Mandela-ing for today," Amber replied, secretly grabbing the check Jesse had given to the girl away from her as he walked forward and tearing it to pieces. Amber quickly ran up behind Jesse to catch up to him. The two of them were in the student union. They had originally set out to find all the people that Jesse had ever wronged so that he could apologize to them. However, despite their best efforts, Jesse had never been one to remember faces and had pretty much forgotten about everyone he'd ever come into contact with, let alone wronged. "Um, Jesse, don't you think you've had enough of this by now?" Amber asked. "You don't remember anyone that you pissed off but everyone remembers you thanks to that checkbook you keep flashing around." "What this thing? Why, it's a rather elementary piece of a very complex puzzle. But if you want me to get rid of it..." Jesse strayed before tossing the checkbook behind him without missing a beat in his walking pattern. Amber sighed, annoyed before rushing to pick up the fallen checkbook. "Back off bitches! Go find another richie to con!" "You know Amber, I don't really understand why I've been so unpleasant with my peers. I mean, it isn't anyone's fault they were born American. They can't help that." "What?" Amber asked, confused as she removed tree from her hair after running into a branch trying to catch up to Jesse, who was walking into people instead of around them. It was almost like he was blind, Amber figured. She knew something was wrong. She just had no idea how wrong until now. "Everything is greener when you walk amongst the unwashed," Jesse spoke, optimistically. "Tell me Amber, have you ever been camping?" "Um, camping? Jesse, what-" "Oh nevermind, who needs to pitch some sodding tent when you can just wile away the hours outside in the freshly mowed grass." "Except that it's like really cold out here-" "How do you think the homeless get along then, Amber? You have to have sympathy. Not everyone is as well off as me." Amber stared at Jesse with the utmost sympathy. "Jesse, maybe we should just go back to-" "The world looks so much brighter when you're brighter. Come Amber, let's go find a homeless soul to save." Amber sighed as she struggled to keep up with a very obviously sick Jesse. Trey didn't have a good feeling about the current situation he'd managed to find himself in. There were alarms going off all over the place and not a student to be seen or heard anywhere yet he was playing some stupid game of hide and seek with his immature and self centered roommate. It was exactly the thing that had always gave him pause when thinking about the possibility of starting a relationship with Noah. It wasn't like either one of them was so perfect that it was just so hard to decide between them. It was just trying to decide whether or not he'd be able to get over their drawbacks and which one of them had the greatest one. Now that he was here in this current moment the most obvious answer was definitely Shawn. "Shawn!" Trey called out. After not getting a response, not surprisingly, Trey sighed and let his face rest in his hand for a moment before a familiar smell filled his nostrils. He thought he'd been exaggerating before but now it actually seemed like there was smoke somewhere nearby. And not just a little of it either. "Shawn!" Trey called out again, this time feeling more afraid. He didn't want to be alone if the place was on fire. He wanted to leave, get out and save himself. But at the same time he didn't want to just up and leave if Shawn was anywhere still inside the building. He had to find him and end this nonsense before they wound up hurt or dead. "Shawn!" he tried again, before deciding to try looking on another floor. He turned around, ready to start towards the stairs behind him but didn't even get to do that much before realizing that he couldn't move anywhere as his foot had partially sank into the floor below him. He looked down, puzzled with what was going on before nearly dodging out of the way as the ceiling above him came crashing down, landing on the ground. That was about when he realized that the place actually was on fire, and that it wasn't a good thing at all. He wasn't stuck and the ceiling hadn't, fortunately, fallen on him but he was trapped in the middle of a burning hallway with only a limited amount of space to move in between. He didn't want to panic but he realized how badly the entire situation he was in could turn worse if he didn't stop and think about what he was going to do. His first instinct was to pull out his cell phone and call the one person he knew that made him feel safe wherever he was. But then he quickly realized that it was impossible. Even if Noah wasn't in class right now there'd be nothing he could do about seeing as though he was never going to be able to get into a burning building unnoticed. And there was no way that he wanted to risk Noah's life like that. His next instinct was to just blame Shawn. After all, if he hadn't decided to run off like some idiot 13 year old junior high school punk, they would have been outside watching the place go up in flames with everyone else, not trapped inside watching the flames firsthand. His final, and most disturbing yet surreal thought, was that he was going to die here alone in the burning hallway without ever having really gotten anywhere in his relationship with Noah. Without ever having told his mother who he really was. Without ever really getting to live his life. Without ever resolving things with Shawn. He never really thought he'd be at the point in his life that he'd have so many regrets before he died, but he was and he did and it sucked. The truth was, he was more afraid of those regrets of his rather than dying. That was exactly what he'd allowed himself to fall into thinking as he sat, trapped beneath a pile of burning rubble, smoke beginning to fill his lungs, eyes beginning to tear up from the pain and heat. And that was the last thing he remembered before he heard his name being called and saw his face... "I'm doing it-" "Jesse, you totally can't be serious," Amber scoffed at the thought. Amber had basically been spending her time playing mediator for Jesse as he, as best as he could, tried to do what he thought necessary to right all the various wrongs he'd ever committed. Their little adventure had led them directly to the student union, where, after failing to gain much attention from passing students who were all either too busy to care about him or knew who he was and had been wronged by him in one way or another, he'd decided to hold an impromptu speech of sorts, declaring his apologetic sympathies school wide. Amber felt it was a terrible idea. She brought her video camera to document it for that very reason. "Well if it isn't the Skank and the Ho," Sierra smiled, crossing her arms as she came across Jesse and Amber in the center of the student union quad. "You only get to guess once which one of you is which." "You're like, following me now aren't you?" Amber asked, placing her hands on the sides of her hips as she readied to get into another verbal war with Sierra. "That's like, SO creepy." "Please get over yourself numnut," Sierra replied. "I'm here because a friend of mine told me there was some crazy homeless guy preaching about the world ending in the quad. I thought I missed it but I do see a guy and you do look homeless." "Who shops at Old Navy and GAP, bitch?" Amber asked, as if someone had even mentioned either store. Sierra stared at Amber amused before Amber turned her look of contempt to one of concern as Jesse started to climb on top of the piano located in the middle of the quad. "Jesse! Get down from there!" she called out in a hoarse whisper. Jesse, finally taking note of Amber's presence looked down at her. "Amber, what was the first thing I ever said to you?" he asked. "This oughtta be good," Sierra smirked, crossing her arms. Amber thought for a moment. "Ugh, do I look better from my right side or my left side?" she replied. "Alright, how about something more recent?" Amber thought again. "Something about a bright less bulb- "You see how meaninglessly all my conversations begin and end? I'm of little or no use to anyone around here in my current state. I'm affixed to change my current state of affairs. You have to let me do this. For karma's sake." "When Jesse goes Ghandi, that's a sign that the guy is actually sick," Sierra said, actually concerned for Jesse. "Well, that or the apocalypse. How could you let him go around here looking and acting like that?" "What are you accusing me of, you ugly troll?" Amber shot back. "At least I've been with him. Where were you?" "Out, um, having a life," Sierra replied simply. "I could've done a better job looking after my gold-diggers trophy though." "Ugh, I am NOT a gold-digger." "Right, and all that love and affection you show for Jesse is all for show right? Please, I can tell, you like him." "Are you serious right now?" "Totally." The girls had been so wrapped up in their arguing that they had completely missed the gathering crowd around them and Jesse, who had started gathering everyone nearby's attention in preparation of his impending speech. "Attention fair peers of mine," Jesse began, very professionally as if what he had to say was very important. "Many, if not all of you must know of me and my reputation by now, but seeing as it is a new semester, I'll fill those of you in that might not." "Oh my god," Sierra and Amber spoke in unison, cutting their argument short. "I'm Jesse Yorkshire, son of publishing mogul Thomas Yorkshire..." "This is so like the second thing he ever said to me," Amber spoke as she watched the situation in front of her unfurl. "What are we gonna do?" Sierra asked, actually feeling a bit panicked. "I know that I may have wronged a lot of you and for that I'm very truly and deeply sorry. I know that there isn't much I can say to you that will make up for it all, but I do believe there is something that I can do." "Oh my god," Amber mumbled, placing her forehead in the palm of her left hand. "My brother's a football player. I know how to tackle people," Sierra suggested. "Yeah, we just wanna stop him not infect him with HIV," Amber replied. "What?" Sierra asked, not believing Amber's stupidity. Jesse reached into his back pocket, pulling out his checkbook. As he started to do so, he noticed his vision getting a bit fuzzy, but he just shook it off, instead letting out a few sneezes that pushed some of the crowd back in turn. "This here is one of my father's company checkbooks," Jesse started. "Any money I take from the company accounts never gets reported because, well, honestly we just have so much of the stuff." That had gotten many peoples attention as the crowd started closing in. "Now now, there's plenty for all but you will have to come one at a time. You can't all have a go at once now-" Realizing that they were about to be given free money, everyone wanted to be first before there was no more free money to be given out, which pretty much meant that no one was listening to Jesse as he tried to get everyone to line up. "People, please, there's plenty for-" "Okay, let's go," Amber spoke grabbing Sierra's arm and pulling her through the growing mob. Jesse could barely feel or so the tugging going on around him. His body suddenly felt like it was losing all feeling. He was growing increasingly warm and he could barely see anymore. "Uh, I think there might be a problem," Jesse muttered before collapsing backwards into the arms of Amber and Sierra. Everyone who'd been desperate to get a hold of Jesse, the same people that had been hooting and hollering for his attention were now all silent, not moving. This silence and non commotion only lasted less than ten seconds before someone called out: "Did you guys hear? Ark Hall caught on fire. For real this time!" And with that, just as quickly as they'd lined up to receive their free money did they all leave to watch a building burn. "They literally have NO attention spans whatsoever," Sierra yelled after them as they left. "You don't deserve anything from him you greedy fuckers!" "Sierra, who cares just help me get him back to my place," Amber grunted as she struggled to hold onto a passed out Jesse. "Your place? Why your place?" Sierra asked. "Because YOUR place might be on fire, duh," Amber replied. "Oh my god, you're right! I have to go!" Sierra exclaimed before rushing off. "No, Sierra...wait...whore!" Amber shouted before looking down at a sweaty, very knocked out Jesse and realizing that for whatever reason, karma had decided to stick them together. Shawn sat by Trey's bed, watching him as he rested. It had been an intense few hours for the both of them. After narrowly escaping being burned alive, they had medical people swarm them and take them to the on campus health center. After that it was time to answer several questions as well as filling out several different incident reports. No one was allowed to see them and they weren't allowed to see anyone. No one even knew were they were although they did know they were alive. Shawn had decided that, while he'd been perfectly okay, he wanted to make sure that Trey got the rest he needed and he'd snuck him out of the health center, bringing him back to the one place he knew that Trey would want to be. It nearly killed him to bring him there, but he was doing what was best for Trey and had decided to get over his selfish personal reasons for not wanting to bring him. Trey had since awaken and was completely aware of where he was and who was with him, which was the reason he'd kept his back turned to Shawn, just laying in bed, thinking about how lucky he was to still be alive and what he was going to do now that he didn't have a place to stay or a single belonging to his name. His thoughts were going everywhere and he had no idea how to begin to sort them out. They were travelling all at once but came to a complete stop once he heard a familiar and welcome voice fill the room, sounding rushed and concerned. "Where is he!? Jeremy said he was here!?" Noah asked, looking around before resting his eyes on the lump laying in his bed. "He's sleeping," Shawn replied. "And you're welcome. I didn't have to bring him here, you know." "Can we not right now?" Noah asked, taking a seat on the edge of his bed, doing his best to look over Trey without wanting to wake him up. Shawn did his best to keep from getting emotionally jealous at the scene before him, trying to stay distanced. "What happened? Why were you two the only ones in the entire building?" Noah asked. "It's my fault, I didn't think it was a real fire and Trey did," Shawn replied. "If anything would have happened to him-" "I would've killed you," Noah said shortly and simply. The part that gave Shawn chills was the way it seemed like Noah fully meant what he'd just said. Even worse was that he believed him. "I'm gonna take off," Shawn spoke, the words hurting him as they left his mouth. He wanted nothing more than to be the one that Trey saw whenever he awoke but he knew why he couldn't, and every reason why. "Take care of him." Noah didn't respond as Shawn silently left the room. He reached over and took a hold of Trey's left hand, holding it tightly in between his own and tears started to drop from his face. He'd almost lost the one person that he cared about the most in the entire world, all because he thought he'd been too busy to stay with him like he normally did. He was never gonna let anything like this happen ever again to Trey. "Your hands are sweaty," Trey figured he'd say to let Noah know he was up. He turned around and sat up, facing his boyfriend, who now had tears welling in his eyes. "Hey, babe," Noah greeted, attempting to smile. "I'm fine," Trey replied. "Homeless, but fine." "Trey, you know you can stay here," Noah replied, wiping his tears away, not wanting to look weak in front of his boyfriend. "Look, there's something I have to tell you." "Okay," Trey replied, ready for whatever Noah had to say to him. "I almost lost you today. I mean, I could have lost you today. And that's scary to think about. We haven't had that much time together." Trey continued to listen, not daring interrupt. "And I realized..." Trey stared silently and intently into Noah's slowly watering eyes. When Noah looked away and didn't continue, Trey took a hold of his shoulders and forced himself into his line of vision. "Noah...what?What did you realize?" Noah looked up, visibly shaking from his head down, feeling a rush of emotions that had his heart beating faster than his mind could think and had his mouth dry and palms sweating. He was nervous but he knew that what he felt was right. He knew that now. "I love you Trey, okay? I love you so much and when I thought...I just don't wanna lose you." That was about when Trey realized something for the first time since he'd gotten involved in his love triangle with Shawn and Noah. He loved Noah. He truly and actually loved Noah. And now Noah was telling him that he loved him. It was the most definite answer he needed and would ever get to show that they really were supposed to be together. He no longer had any lingering doubts. This was supposed to happen for him. "I love you too," Trey replied, letting the words fall easily out of his mouth. Noah and Trey stared at each other for a moment before Noah pulled Trey into a light kiss, the ended with Noah kissing him on the forehead. "You wanna rest?" Noah asked. Trey was feeling more connected to Noah than ever in their moment. The last thing he wanted to do was rest. "No...no, I think I'm ready," he replied. Noah stared at him, unsure that he'd even heard him right. "Wha...I mean..." "Lock the door," Trey replied. "I'm definitely ready." "You sure?"Noah asked. Trey had never been more sure about anything in his life. "Yeah," he replied. Noah stared at Trey for a few moments, trying to get a clear answer as to whether or not his boyfriend really was ready to go to the next and most intimate level in their relationship before realizing that the love he felt for him and that he knew was now being returned was answer enough. "Okay," he replied, getting up and walking over to the door. The last sound heard to anyone outside was the low but audible click from the door as it locked the outside world out and left Noah and Trey in their own, now completely doubt free, world. Yahoo Group featuring advanced chapters of the story and other works by me: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JoJoPresents-GayFiction/ Personal email: sidewaysfictionman@yahoo.com Feedback always welcome. Copyright 2007