Roland ran to his room, rather upset. At the beginning he was angry with Hervé for having dared to lean his hands on him, for having dared to kiss him, for having made him feel his erection... But then he forgot all that because a tiny voice inside him was repeating to him, "But you liked it, you too became aroused!" Yes, he had to acknowledge it, at least with himself, that feeling Hervé becoming aroused and understanding he was aroused for him, gave him a strong excitation... and this also justified the kiss that preceded it, also the hands that touched him...
Roland had also to acknowledge that, in spite of the fact that he ran away, he felt at least for a moment the desire that the young man dared to touch him there, that he overcame the limits established by the clothing and by the convenience, and that he leaned his hands on his hard and quivering member... Thinking of that, the boy became again aroused. After all he didn't run away from Hervé, but from himself, from his own desire. And he threw it in Hervé's face because he didn't have the courage to throw it in his own face.
He suddenly saw Hervé in a totally new light. He reconsidered all the attitudes of his young tutor... and he had to admit that Hervé was the first person who not only looked after him, but who really "cared" for him. He had to admit that he was important to Hervé... it was the first time that Roland was aware he was important to somebody and this filled him with astounded pleasure...
The young tutor was lit with desire for him... and he so lit his own desire... But before that, and beyond that, Hervé, with his free and teasing behaviour, was really taking care and taking trouble for him... he really listened to him, he opened his heart to him... he treated him with respect and affection, he treated him as a peer and not as a spoiled brat, and...
Roland was feeling confused. He recalled the wonderful feeling that his hands and his genitals were able to arouse in his body until he emitted that scented liqueur... and he understood that when he had just felt on top of him, against him Hervé's arousal, was in a close relation with that. Therefore, he concluded that he would have liked experiencing those wonderful feelings with Hervé and thanks to Hervé... and he understood that if it happened, he would finally feel less lonely... because Hervé would give him something more precious than some simple, even if good, sensations.
He desired to be able to experience the body of the young tutor on top of him again, around him... be in his arms... feel his desire, read it in his eyes...
But he ran away, he yelled at him with anger that he should not have done it... so, what could he do now? He surely couldn't go to see him and tell him, "Come on, let's do it again!" No, he could not. It would not be dignified and... above all, he could not find the courage to do so.
Who knows why in that moment he recalled King David who was dancing naked in front of the Ark of the Covenant... out of his love for his God. And the word "naked" now had a special sound, a special taste. Naked for love, Hervé said... Naked, naked, naked... Unconsciously, without thinking of it, Roland slipped a hand into his shorts, after opening some of the buttons, and started to massage his member hard again... Naked for love... naked... naked... Hervé aroused on top of him, for him... naked for love... They weren't naked up there, it is true... but their souls for a short moment were like undressed... out of love? Or just out of desire?
He let his shorts and underpants slip down and started to masturbate, closing his eyes... and it was as if he felt Hervé's kiss... that kiss that had invaded his mouth, that had lit a fire in him... that he now desired to experience again... and dreamed that it wasn't his hand but that of Hervé who was taking care of his hard member, as hard as it had ever been before... "He takes care of me... I'm important to him... oh, Hervé!" the boy murmured while he was feeling the orgasm rapidly approaching...
With a long moan, wrapping his member with a handkerchief at the last moment so not to soil everything, Roland unloaded and in the ecstasy of pleasure he thought that it never had been so good, never so intense, because he never associated it to another person... Desire? Love? "Hervé..." he softly murmured, relaxing, almost trying to feel his presence there, near him.
In the evening they ate supper all three together - after that fact this was the first time that Hervé and Roland met again. Supper was silent as usual. From time to time they were looking at each other out of the corner of their eyes, in that curious game where one tries to look at the other without being caught looking...
Monsier Laforest, when the supper was over, invited Hervé to his office. The young man felt like a hand gripping his stomach, squeezing his bowels. "Here we are!" he thought.
The industrialist had Hervé have a seat in front of his desk.
"Monsieur Brout, this evening just before supper, I had the chance to exchange a few words with my son Roland..."
"Yes. Well, he confided to me, and I can assure you I was rather... rather astounded, I would say almost speechless, something that I really didn't expect to hear from him."
"I understand... I, sir, I tried to do my best, I can assure you... even if I admit I acted on impulse..."
"That's right. Well, I did have some reservations about you, partly because of your young age, and partly also because of your behaviour, rather... self-assured and non-conformist, we can say, but I would have never thought that..."
"I don't think I can justify my behaviour, Monsieur. I assume the full, total responsibility of what I did..." Hervé said in a low voice, then added, "and I accept any decision about me you judge fair."
"Yes, very well. Then I ask you to go on as you are doing. My son desires that you go on taking care of him as you did up to now. After he made a hell of the lives of all the governesses who cared for him, this is something... something miraculous and I cannot help being grateful to you."
Hervé suddenly raised his eyes and looked at the man filled with amazement, almost unbelieving, asking himself if he heard well what the man was telling him.
Monsieur Laforest was aware of the deeply stupefied glance of the young tutor and smiled, "It seems that you didn't expect what I just told you. Yes, it seems that you have really been able to open a door to my son. It seems that your behaviour... on impulse, and your... non-conformism, was exactly what my son needed. Oh, you know well that Roland is a boy of few words. But when he said that he was grateful to me for having hired you... well, he really caught me agreeably unawares. I wanted you to know that. Is there anything you would like to tell me, before we end this conversation?"
"I... well, Monsieur... I didn't think that your son... he never gave me proof that... on the contrary... but... did he tell you, exactly, what... the reason why..." the young tutor almost stammered.
"No, you too know very well that Roland is a boy of few words. This, in certain limits, is even a virtue. Anyway I already noticed for some time that he ceased complaining about you to me, and this evening he even thanked me for having hired you, as I told you. That is all. Good, I wish you a good night, Monsieur Brout, and good work with my son."
At that explicit dismissal Hervè stood up, hinted a bow and, almost in a trance, went upstairs to his room. He still couldn't make it out... he feared, or rather he was sure, he would have been fired and on the contrary... Roland, evidently, didn't report what happened that afternoon to his father. Why he didn't report him? Did he forgive him? Or else was he thinking doing so, to have him in his hands and to be able to make him do anything he wanted?
He felt tempted to go to knock at Roland's door... but at the same time he didn't have the courage. During supper the boy was more silent than usual... but to tell the truth, he didn't seem angry, hostile, even if he clearly avoided his eyes...
Hervé undressed, keeping on only his cotton underpants, and lay on his bed, leaving only the small light on his night table lit. He crossed his arms under his head, and crossed his legs. He recalled what happened between them in the afternoon. Should he talk about it with the boy, or should he pretend that nothing happened? After all he was, at least officially, the "teacher" therefore it was up to him to decide what would be the best behaviour...
But from the moment when he acknowledged to himself he was in love with the boy, how could he still think he was really, besides appearances, beyond the work for which he had been hired, the boy's teacher? Who loves a person cannot be at the same time his teacher, and a teacher cannot at the same time be in love with his pupil...
It was clearly up to the boy to decide if he wanted him to be his teacher or his lover... But, honestly, could he accept getting a salary if he was the boy's lover? He thought it would not be fair. But on the other side if he refused the salary he could not live in that house any more, and so he would lose everything - the money, that he needed to make a living, and the boy, that he needed for his love...
Love! Yes, even though it was the first time he felt it in his life, he could recognize it - it was real love. Usually the first time you met something you don't know you ask, what is it? But in this case it was different, it was his first time and yet he perfectly knew what it was - love, coloured with desire, and not vice versa. He accepted it, at least for what concerned him. Of course, if Roland also was feeling like him and would return it, it would be perfect...
Immersed in these reflections, in the semi-darkness of the room, through the open door towards the sitting room Hervé was looking at the pendulum clock that was sending its tick-tock from the other room and imagined the slow proceeding of the minute hand.
A light knocking at his door distracted him from his thoughts.
"Come in, it's open!" he said.
He heard the door of the sitting room open, then saw the slender figure of Roland standing in the bedroom door, wrapped in his damasked, honey coloured silk dressing gown.
"I didn't know if you were already asleep..." the boy said, without moving from the door.
Hervé didn't notice at once that the boy's voice had a peculiar warmth - he was too moved by that unhoped-for apparition.
"May I come in?" the boy asked again.
"Come..." the young man whispered, stretching an arm towards the boy in an instinctive gesture of invitation.
Roland went forward with a light step and stopped at the side of the bed. He looked at Hervé's face, then his eyes lowered and ran along the half naked body lying on top of the sheets.
"May I sit on the edge of your bed?" the boy asked.
"Of course..." Hervè answered and did so as to move aside to give him room.
"No... don't move." Roland said almost in haste, and sat on the bed edge, astride, in order to be turned as much as possible towards Hervé.
For some time they looked at each other in the eyes, in silence.
Then Roland said, "About this afternoon..."
"About this afternoon?"
"About this afternoon... up there... you and I... you kissed me."
"And... do you regret it? Are you angry with me, for that?"
"No... no. Would you do it again?"
"Yes. But only if you asked me. I was wrong doing it as I did..."
"I caught you unawares. But the fact is that... I too caught myself unawares. It wasn't... premeditated. I swear."
"But you didn't repent of it."
"No... unless I have... I gave rise to problems for you."
"Did you kiss other boys, before me?"
"No, never. Really never, I didn't even think of doing it."
"Then why you did it with me?"
"It came to me spontaneously, just so... I just had to do it... I simply had to do it. Not like a duty, do you understand? One breathes because he has to, but it's not a duty, can you see?"
"It is... natural... nature that reveals itself, you mean?"
"Something like that. I have never been aware, I never thought before I could desire a boy."
"Do you desire me?"
"You felt it, didn't you?"
"And you felt me, didn't you?"
"So, then, you too desire me?"
"Possibly like for you... I didn't know, but... but, up there, this afternoon, my body told me I desire you."
"But you? Your soul? Your heart? Your mind?"
"I am trying to understand it... but I think so. This is why I had to come here, now."
"You had... like one has to breathe?"
"Yes, I really think do. Do you desire me?"
"Yes, but I, you see, I discovered I don't just desire you, but..."
"But?" Roland asked.
"I believe I also... I also fell in love with you."
Good, he had said it. But he couldn't avoid saying it. Roland needed to have the complete picture, before he could tell him a yes, a no, or an I don't know, or even a perhaps...
"In love with me... What happens when one falls in love?"
"That the object of his love becomes the only one really important thing in his life... Or at least the most important one, the first one... and the second one comes much after..."
"And am I so important for you?"
"You are, even though I became aware of it in such a clear way only today."
"But if we were wrong, both of us?"
"We can only give it a try, I think."
"Give it a try, you say... Now?"
"If you want. When you want."
"I know nothing about it, but..."
"I neither." Hervé declared.
"So then... it would be better if I lock the door, don't you think?"
Roland stood up; Hervé heard the key turn making a very light click. Then Roland went back near the bed of the young man, untied the belt of his dressing gown and let it slip away from his shoulders, onto the floor. Under it he was wearing nothing, so he remained totally bare in front of Hervé, who looked at him and felt terribly moved.
"Here I am, I stripped myself in front of you... of all the frills I was caring so much about... I'm naked like King David..." Roland murmured.
"You are so very beautiful!" Hervè sighed admiring the slow rising of the boy's member, to which at once answered the turgidity of his member still hidden and prisoner of his cotton underpants.
"And you?" the boy asked lightly, without moving.
"Why don't you finish undressing me? I too want to give you my nakedness, but would like if you did it..."
They were one in the other's arms, lying on the fresh sheets, their limbs tightly intertwined; their strong erections pressed one against the other, while their tongues were playing, lightly but more and more filled with desire, in and out of the companion's mouth in a kiss more and more hot and intimate.
After that first night, where they limited themselves to mutually touch, caress, and kiss, they met again four more times in the welcome silence of Hervé's room, and each night they took a step forward along the road of desire as well as along that of love.
Roland emitted a light sigh, "Hervé... I think I am... I am in love with you, and what we are doing isn't enough any more. I need... more."
"Neither of us has experience, we have to discover this world all by ourselves..." the young tutor whispered.
"But I... I know how... what we can do." Roland said and blushed.
"You know? And how can you know?" Hervé asked him with a tender incredulity.
"In the library of my school... there are some books that are kept under lock... with some parts written in Latin... and I managed to steal the key... and I can read Latin... and now I know... I know what you and I can do... to dance naked one for the other... to mutually tell how much we love each other..."
"You know? Do you want to tell me?"
"Possibly... possibly it would be easier showing it than telling it, don't you think?"
"If you know... lead me and I'll follow you. I'll follow you with love."
"Well... that book didn't really explain everything, but... but enough, I think... So... you should..." the boy started to say, somewhat hesitant.
He freed himself from his lover's embrace and went down with his head between Hervé's legs. He took his lover's hard member in his hands and started to kiss and lick it and being aware that this was giving an intense pleasure to the young man, he felt more self-confident and devoted himself to that with greater passion. The sensations he was feeling, and that he was waiting to analyse with some hesitation, resulted to be much better than he could have imagined, so that in a short while he was fully devoting himself to the warm and hard member of his companion, without any more problem.
When, recalling what he read in that book, he let it slip inside his mouth and felt its tip throb against his throat walls, he thought it was really wonderful being able to welcome his beloved one in that way, giving him and receiving from him so much pleasure. Hervé instinctively started to move his pelvis back and forth while the boy was sucking and moving his tongue and his hands were caressing the beautiful body of his first lover.
Hervé felt very intensely the desire to devote himself in the same way to his boy and, again following his instinct, he turned on the bed and took the beautiful member of Roland with his lips... So the ring of pleasure and passion was closed and the intensity of their feelings were heightened in an exponential way. They were devoting themselves to each other with increasing joy and pleasure. Roland had already tasted the fruit of his own pleasure, therefore he was now waiting with high eagerness the pleasure of discovering the taste of his young lover, determined to quench his love thirst with Hervé's seed.
When he heard him moan and his member twitch with more energy, he understood that the magic moment was close, and he devoted himself to suck him with more vigour, making it sink as deep as possible, then withdrawing to work with his tongue the member's so sensitive tip, in a joyous and determined up and down. And finally he could drink with big gulps the manly liqueur that Hervé was pouring for him with strong jets. Besides finding its taste really agreeable, Roland thought that he was receiving into himself the fruit of Hervé's pleasure and love, and felt happy.
In a short while he too reached a strong orgasm and his friend, who had just experienced the great pleasure with which Roland did it, readily drank all his creamy and lukewarm seed, and found that it had an indefinable taste, unusual but extremely agreeable. Then, after he sipped all of it to its last drop, panting, they parted, Hervé again turned on the bed and they kissed, so mixing their tastes which still lingered in their mouths, on their tongues.
"Oh my God, that was wonderful... sublime... The book explained all this?"
"Not everything, but enough that I could guess what wasn't written... it was good, wasn't it?"
"Good, my love? More than good!"
"I love you, Hervé, I love you... and now part of you is inside me."
"And I love you... Do you know that I really like your taste? It is an unusual taste, but so agreeable... because it is the taste of my Roland and of his love for me... When I was a child, my father explained me several things, but this one... My father anyway told me that pouring his seed into the person one loves is above all a sign of love besides giving a great pleasure... he was right, even though possibly he was not referring to this."
"My father never told me about these matters..."
"My father did, and mainly while we were bathing together."
"It would be great taking a bath together... you and I... and possibly also making love in the water. Wouldn't you like that, Hervé?"
"I would certainly like it, but here at home we certainly cannot do that... if we went to the river shore, possibly... if we found a spot where nobody could see us..."
They caressed and kissed each other some more.
"It's so good being here in your arms... and just think that at first I didn't like you at all..." Roland said with a smile.
"No, I didn't dislike you. You are way too beautiful... but above all I discovered, hidden in your eyes, the glimmering of a smile..."
"You gave and are giving me a reason to smile... But now it would be better I go back to my room... unhappily. But one night soon... there were other things explained in that book, do you know? One night soon... there is another way to show each other all our love."
Really Roland was burning with desire to try the "other ways" also explained in that book, but as the book had been written to mainly condemn "some unnatural practices" (a thing that didn't at all interest Roland, to tell the truth) it didn't indulge in accurate enough descriptions of those practices. Therefore Roland had to try to work his imagination to complete all that didn't appear in the learned Latin sentences there contained.
Luckily the boy had on one side a good imagination and on the other side enough practical spirit to see the problems and to find their solutions. Therefore, even though he was impatient to try "everything", he didn't feel yet sure enough about the "other things" he wanted to experience with Hervé. Anyway to him it was not just a matter of "experiencing", not at all, in his mind it was rather a way to reach a more total, more complete union with the person with whom he so suddenly fell in love...
So finally the two lovers, under the lead of the younger one, reached also the complete union, penetrating each other. The first times they were awkward and the penetration didn't give them a so great pleasure, a little because the one who did the penetration was not yet so skilled (a problem was that of a lubricant - the texts in Latin of course didn't explain about it) a little because together with the pleasure, at least the first times, there was also some pain...
And yet, both pushed by the mutual desire to welcome their lover's meat inside themselves, to "give" themselves to the other, they went on to try until they reached some skill and the pleasure became strong. Also about the positions to assume for the penetrations, a little relying on their instinct and a little on their imaginations, they gradually found and experienced different positions.
But beyond the physical aspect of their love, it was the intensity of their sentiments that was increasing and deepening for them. Roland was visibly changing, so much that his father was stupefied and glad, and also the household staff were making comments about that transformation. As a consequence Hervé was now considered with a greater respect by everybody, and above all by Monsieur Laforest.
Notwithstanding they had to be very careful to hide the real nature of their friendship, and to be really careful in their love encounters, they both were favoured by the fact that, being only five years apart, their evident and strong friendship not only didn't raise any suspicion, especially in a society that didn't allow friendship between the two sexes, but was rather seen with a rather positive and benevolent eye by everybody.
Hervé and Roland, mainly when the young Laforest had school vacations, started to also do some "instructional travels" to various parts of France, and they were real and perfect honeymoons. It was not strange that, stopping in a hotel, they booked only one room or two connecting ones. Roland's father was willingly paying all the expenses for those journeys. He moreover decided to increase the young tutor's salary.
The fact that they were lovers didn't prevent Hervé at all from being at the same time a mentor for the boy, who willingly accepted the advice and the suggestions of Hervé, for whom he nourished, besides a deep love, also a great esteem and respect. On the other side, Hervé did really care for the intellectual and moral growth of his beloved boy. They opened totally to each other, and so gradually they got to deeply know each other, and this did increase the mutual love.
But the years were passing, even too fast, and when Roland got his graduation at the high school, in 1907, his father sent him to Paris to attend the university, and enrolled him at the Sorbonne. At first the boy didn't want to go, as he didn't want to be separated from Hervé. But the young man, even though he too was suffering as much as his boy from that separation, pushed the boy not to rebel at his father's decision.
"My love, even if we are far apart, even if life will take us on different roads, what there has been and there is between us will never cease. You now are part of me as I of you, nothing and nobody can erase it. But you have to go and study. I will find another job. We will remain in close contact, we will write each other, possibly at times we can meet again, who knows? Anyway, I will always be near you and you near me, wherever our bodies may really be..." Hervé said him.
When they finally had to separate, they both cried sadly, embraced each other with vigour, almost in the attempt to avoid the other going away, almost with the illusion they could melt and finally become one only thing, like their souls were yearning for.
Hervé got a very good, or rather enthusiastic, reference letter from Roland's father. He therefore got a teaching place in a high school in Tours, in spite of the fact that he was just twenty-three years old. The two lovers were writing quite often very long letters to each other, where they told the other all they were doing, thinking, what was happening them. Each time they answered immediately, by return post.
So one day Hervé wrote to Roland that he met a girl whose name was Madeleine, the only daughter of the school dean, a delicate, good-hearted, intelligent and pretty girl. Roland, through the letters of his Hervé, saw that he was gradually falling in love with the girl. Roland wasn't jealous, above all because real love, desiring above all the happiness of the beloved one, can't give room to jealousy, but also because he always knew that Hervé desired to have a family and children, something that he couldn't give him.
Therefore, when in 1908 Hervé wrote him that he was going to marry Madeleine, Roland wanted to know the exact date as he wanted to attend to the ceremony. Hervé was really happy and so asked Roland to be his best man, and Roland accepted more than willingly.
So Roland saw his Hervé again and met Madeleine and was conquered by her - the girl was really delightful, gentle, good-hearted and very clever. Both at once felt a mutual liking and Roland was happy that his beloved man found such a pretty and agreeable wife. The only moment of regret for him was in the moment of the ceremony, in the beautiful Tours' cathedral, when his Hervé pronounced the decisive "yes". He would have liked to be there, in the place of the spouse... he would have liked that that "yes" was uttered for him, and that he could answer with his own "yes"...
Back to his studies at the Sorbonne, before the end of that same year, Roland got the news that Madeleine and Hervé were expecting their first child and when he was born, he was christened Serge Roland.
"I wanted his name to be also Roland like you, because this child is the fruit of love, and in my heart you always have a place of honour. In some ways, even though not physically, this child is a little also your child, because in my love there is always your love also..." Hervé wrote him.
Roland felt moved. He couldn't go to Tours again for the child's christening as he would have liked, but he sent as a gift a gold chain with carved on it the name and the birth date.
At the Sorbonne Roland met a boy, one of his classmates in the faculty of law, the son of a member of parliament, whose name was Marc. They at once felt a mutual liking and often studied and prepared for tests together. When Marc started to assiduously court Roland, he wrote about that to his Hervé who, having the feeling that Marc was a sound, honest and agreeable boy, and that his Roland was all but indifferent to his graces, pushed him to accept Marc's attentions.
So Roland started a relationship with Marc. Surely Marc was not his Hervé, but the two boys were fitting very well together. So much so that they decided to rent a small apartment together not far from the Sorbonne.
Roland and Hervé were going on to regularly write long letters to each other telling everything to each other, and going on to express their mutual love through their writings. Marc knew about this epistolary relationship and, having a good character, he accepted it, as he well understood that Roland, even though being totally faithful to him, couldn't forget his first, great love.
Then Roland graduated and went back home to work with his father. He would have liked to take Marc with him, but Marc's father had different plans for his son, and sent him to the Colonies where he could have a good and fast career as the Governor's lawyer. So Roland, for the second time, in 1912 was separated from his companion.
He immersed himself in his father's business, taking care of all the legal side of it. Besides the continuous exchange of letters with Hervé, the love life of Roland in this period was empty. About his sexual life, besides a couple of very short encounters, the first one with one of the workmen in the industries of his father and the second one with a junior journalist, he didn't find a new lover.
1914 came and several things happened in that year.
One was the news that Hervé had twins, and christened them Michel Antoine and Jean-Marie Claude.
Another was that on August 3, Germany declared war on France, and this was the start of the First World War.
This gave a remarkable boost to Monsieur Laforest's steelworks, as he converted all his production to war industry, so getting important work orders from the French army, and with them huge sums of money piled up in the Laforest's safes.
When Roland came to know that Hervé had been called for military service as an artillery officer, he insisted that his father made him get a call into the same company as Hervé. At first the father didn't want to hear of it, but when Roland told him that if he didn't help him he could enrol as a volunteer, without saying he had a university degree, so that he would be enrolled as a simple soldier and sent to the front, his father thought that all summed up his son would run less risks if he made him happy making him get a place as an officer...
So, one day, at the camp, lieutenant Hervé Brout, thirty years of age, welcomed his direct superior, a young officer whose name was Roland Laforest, twenty-five years of age, captain of the artillery company. The two soldiers, in front of other members of the company, saluted each other half way between formal and friendly, first in the military way, then shaking hands.
"Roland! What a pleasure seeing you again! I bet that... it's not just luck that you are our captain, am I wrong?" Hervé said with a wide smile.
"You are right. In a war one has to leave nothing to chance, isn't it so?" the young captain answered with a light smile.
The war was long and horrible, with ups and downs, so that the front was advancing and retreating all the time. The nations engaged in it were devoting all their resources to it, and spending hundreds of thousands of human lives for it. In this war artillery had a first line role, was more important than infantry and also than aviation which was just beginning.
At first the two young lovers seemed to hesitate to renew again their old relationship, Roland out of respect for Hervé's wife and family, and Hervé because he was feeling some hesitation in Roland and didn't want to force him. But their mutual love was so strong, and the reciprocal desire so intense, that finally, after a year of ordinary life, one day they were no longer able to resist and were again in each other's arms. It was not so easy to find time alone, to devote themselves to each other as they would have liked, but neither was it impossible.