Date: Wed, 06 Sep 2006 16:04:42 -0400 From: Frank Russ Subject: My Almost German Man I am not sure if this qualifies as a "First Time" experience or not, but at least it's a true story... "My Almost German Man" As a college student I spent a semester in Germany. It was a great experience and it was also where I had my first gay encounter. I had always had gay feelings but never acted on them or even allowed myself to consider acting on them until this day. As an American in Europe, I always made an effort to meet as many Europeans as possible. I would often go out at night with American friends but frequently end up with Europeans all night. At that time they loved meeting Americans. Pre-Bush era of course. My buddy and went to a club and started talking to four German guys about women, politics, etc. We all hung out and got along but this one guy focused on me mostly. He was very sexy with a beautiful smile and spoke English very well. I was 18. He was probably 25. He asked me a lot of questions about American life and we compared differences in culture. The other guys went to hit on some women and we stayed at the table. I think we were flirting with each other but not intentionally (for me at least) and we were doing that "dance" where you both are thinking "is he or isn't he?" We started comparing dating and sex stories and that allowed him to ask me if I had a girl friend back home (I didn't) and my experiences sexually (not much at that time). He mentioned how Europeans were more open minded than Americans and gave a "for example" that he had slept with both women and men. "I prefer men actually" he said and I am sure he could see I was getting uneasy. "What about you?" Instead of saying I only like women, I replied "I've only had experiences with women" which is is very different from says I only LIKE women. He didn't jump on it there, except to say "Well if you ever want to try it..." which I laughed off but I didn't back off from him otherwise. We all eventually left the club and walked around the city. I said my good bye to the group and announced I was heading off to catch my train, he said he was "going in that direction" and came along. We kept talking and he kept brushing up against me and touching me in the course of laughing, etc. It was late and several comments were made like "if you miss your train, you can stay at my place but I only have one bed and I can't promise that I'd be able to control myself." I never discouraged but I never gave a clear positive answer either. By the time we got to the train station I had missed the last train to my place and so the invite was real now. "Come over. It could be fun and I promise not to be too rough" he said with a smile. All I could muster was a sheepish "Maybe, we'll see." When his train arrived, I chickened out and said I'd just walk around until my morning train arrived. I could see his disappointment as I let him ride off alone. The stories of "what if" were swirling in my brain, but it would be several years before I eventually acted on them. I don't remember his name, but I'll always remember my first man. My "almost" first man in Germany.