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And with that, the concluding chapter to this book...

 

 

10 – May

Corey

 

I didn't feel well. I wasn't sick. My side hurt. I could tell I was waking up, but things were ... off. This wasn't my bed. Where was I? Pain struck my side again.

Then I realized I was in a hospital. The room was mostly dark. There was a dim light over the sink to offer a little light. The window blinds were open just enough to let me know the sun wasn't up. I lifted my head up a little to glance around the room.

I saw Aiden. He was curled up in a chair. He looked terribly uncomfortable, but he seemed to be asleep. When did he get to the hospital? How did he know? I wasn't going to wake him up. I let him sleep.

The door was open. The hallway wasn't bright, but enough lights were on for me to tell it was very quiet with no one about.

I didn't know what time it was, but I shut my eyes again. A few minutes later, I fell back asleep too.

 

—

 

A light knock on the door slightly eased me into consciousness. "Good morning," a voice said. It was a different nurse than last night.

I looked up. Aiden had moved the chair to lay his upper body on the bed. His head and arms were near my feet. He lifted his head.

"What time is it?" he groggily asked.

"Not quite 8," the nurse replied. "We just need to check some things on Corey here."

The nurse looked at blinking machines and felt my wrist.

"When did you get here?" I asked Aiden, not really paying attention to the nurse and what she was doing.

"About 10:30. I had to wait in the lobby while they took tests on you. I got back to your room after 11. Sam, Donny, Ace and Geoff were here for a while. Once the doctor told us you were going to be fine, they went back to campus. Well, Donny stayed in Forrest's room."

"Why did you stay overnight?"

"Because my best friend is in the hospital. Obviously."

"You didn't have to do that."

"I didn't want to be anywhere else."

I smiled at him. I said, "Thank you," but I think I mouthed it more than it actually being heard.

I felt Aiden gently grab my foot. It was a replacement for a hug. I could tell. Even with a blanket over me, I was comforted by his touch.

"You have classes today," I told him.

"I don't care."

"Please. We are preparing for finals; don't let me stand in the way of your grades."

"Do you feel up for eating?" the nurse asked.

"Uhhh. Yeah. I think that would be fine," I answered.

"We'll have something for you shortly."

A male nurse came in a few minutes later with some oatmeal and graham crackers. I could tell by watching Aiden that he thought the nurse was good-looking. I smiled; I knew him well.

"Enjoy this incredible feast of deliciousness," the nurse joked. I chuckled.

"Thank you."

"From what I can tell, you should be released by lunchtime, but the doctor will be in shortly, and she'll explain everything.

"'kay."

Aiden didn't say anything as I ate. He rested his head on my leg with one of his hands holding my knee. I knew he was tired. He probably got very little restful sleep. I loved him for being with me. In its own little symbolic way, him holding me, touching me on top of the blanket was a comfort.

As I put the carton of juice back on the table, I wheeled the dishes and items over to the side. I had eaten most everything.

I heard voices in the hall. "Right here," the female nurse who had been in earlier said.

"Dad! What are you doing here!?" I asked in surprise. He and Laramie stepped into the room.

"What am I doing here? When a hospital calls and says your son has been admitted, you kind of want to go make sure he is okay."

"You didn't have to. That took hours."

"I want to be here. We want to be here."

I had known Laramie for about six years now. I had learned his moods. I'd seen him be all tough, and I knew — and loved — his marshmallow side. His expression was one I hadn't seen, but I figured it out. Seeing me in a hospital bed disturbed him. He didn't conceal it well.

"Hi, son," he softly said, leaning over to kiss me on the forehead.

Dad attempted a hug, but it wasn't easy with me in the bed.

"Careful," I said.

"How are you doing?" my father asked.

"I'm ... I'm not sure. One of the nurses said I would probably be released before lunch, but ... I'm not sure."

"Are you in pain?" Dad asked.

"A little, I guess. Yeah. Depending how I move ... how fast I move, it hurts some."

"We'll give you something for that in a little while," a voice said. My doctor had entered the room.

Aiden stood to hug Laramie. They held each other at the foot of my bed.

"How is he? I'm Corey's father."

"Well, he's somewhat lucky."

"My side doesn't feel lucky."

"I can imagine, but had you not had a shirt on or if the fence had cut into you a few inches to your left, you could have broken a rib ... or worse, punctured a lung."

"Oh my God!" Laramie quietly cried out.

"He's fine," the doctor said. "Because he had a shirt on, the cut wasn't too long. It's basically a long scrape down your side. However, you do have about two inches of stitches where we think the tear to the skin was deep enough to warrant that."

Dad put his hand on my shoulder. "What's next?"

"Well, the night team did a series of tests and x-rays. Nothing is broken. We've given him antibiotics. Nothing appears to be infected. It's ... it's just going to hurt like a booger for a week or so. We have medications for that, but they are very timed. You'll get your next one in about forty minutes."

Aiden, still in Laramie's arms, reached down to hold my foot again.

"When you feel you can stop taking the pain medication, I want you to start weaning yourself off. It might be the end of the week; it might be a day or so. The clinic on campus can look at your stitches at the end of the week and remove them. I'll be sending all the paperwork to them. Really, for now, it's just a matter of letting your side heal up."

"What happened?" Dad finally asked.

"There was ... kind of a scuffle."

"A scuffle?" Laramie said. "That sounds like a dance move. How does your side get ripped open?"

I sighed. "Sam had just gotten back from the funeral. Forrest and I walked with him just to ... you know, kind of listen. We just wanted to be there for him."

I sat up in alarm. "Forrest!"

"He's fine," the doctor said, touching my arm. "We're going to keep him here another day out of a sense of caution. Since his injuries were near his head, we just want to keep him for observation. Don't be too concerned. Just know, his injuries can't be covered up by his shirt."

"What happened!?" Aiden said, insistently.

I looked at him. "It might be hard for you to hear. You sure?"

Aiden almost looked terrified at my words. "I guess."

"We were over by the grotto — Grotto of Our Lady of Lourdes," I said, turning to my fathers. I looked back at Aiden. "We were just talking. Cy ... you know who he is, right?" Aiden nodded. "He came up to Forrest and started giving him grief."

"Like what? Why?"

"I don't know why. But ..." I paused, knowing this was going to be hard for Aiden to hear. "He started teasing — verbally bullying, actually — Forrest. It was just mean."

"What did he say?"

My face twisted in pain telling this part. "He called Forrest names like cocksucker and fag and queer."

"Forrest isn't gay," Aiden said.

"Right. Forrest said that. I stepped between them. I asked Cy to just move on. Then he yelled at me too. He told me because I was your roommate that we were ..." I looked at Dad and Laramie and shut my eyes. "He said that you and I sucked dick all the time. I told him I wasn't gay either."

"Asshole," Laramie muttered.

"Then he just started shouting things about gay people in general, that they all needed to be rounded up and shipped off. He said they were sinful and disgusting. When he said ..." I took a breath. "He said that you needed to be expelled from school and made to leave. Forrest stood up for you. When Cy said it would be better off if you were dead ..."

Laramie and my father gasped.

"...Forrest screamed, `You take that back!' And then he punched Cy in the gut. A real uppercut. I knew this was all going south real fast, so I stepped in again, and that's when Cy shoved me. I knocked over Forrest. He hit his head on the rocks. I landed against the fence railing. One of the pointy tops ripped down my side. Forrest's face was all bloody. Sam quickly called 911 and got the paramedics to us. He followed the ambulance to the hospital. He started texting people. I guess. Once we got here, I was given medications, I think. I don't remember things that well after that."

"Should we press charges?" Laramie said.

"Cy completely provoked it, but Forrest actually threw the first punch."

"Good for him," Laramie said. "Where can I find this Cy kid? I want to beat the shit out of him."

"Laramie!" my dad scolded. "Let's keep our heads about us. Please."

"It might not be a bad idea to fill out a report, regardless," the doctor said.

"For sure," Aiden muttered.

"What if Forrest gets punished for hitting Cy?" I asked.

"It was provoked!" Laramie defended.

The doctor left the room, saying she would finalize papers and that I should be released within the hour.

One of the nurses gave me my pain medication at 9. At about 9:20, I was receiving instructions on how to care for the injury: cleaning, showering, pain med intervals, etc. I was listening but wasn't really listening. Thankfully, Aiden hung on every word to make sure he got things right. My mind was more on Forrest than me. I wondered how bad his pain was. How bad did he look?

"You have a 10, Aiden. Please. Go. Make it to class."

Aiden looked hesitant to leave me. My dads noticed.

"We'll take it from here, and we will see you this afternoon," Dad told him. "We'll all come visit Forrest tonight."

I was surprised Dad considered that, but what a wonderful thing it was for him to say.

Aiden squirmed. He didn't like leaving me. I saw him clench his fists. He leaned over me and gave me a quick kiss.

"It'll be okay."

Once he left the room, I felt the stares of my fathers.

"That's ... unexpected."

"You guys kiss Lance and Jakob all the time."

"We're also gay," deadpanned my father.

"It freaked you out when he kissed you in high school," Laramie said.

"That was then. It's not like we were making out here. He just kissed me goodbye to let me know he cared."

"Fine. Fine," Dad said.

Two minutes later, a wheelchair arrived.

"I can walk," I said.

"Formality," Dad said.

As I was being wheeled down the hall, Laramie darted ahead to get the car. My ripped bloody shirt was in a bag. Aiden had brought me a clean one.

"Can we stop by Forrest's room?" I asked the nurse. She paused a few rooms down.

Forrest saw me and my father at his doorway. "Oh wow. Come in."

"How are you?" I asked.

"I'm sure I look pretty gruesome."

There was a padded bandage on the side of his head held in place by strips of gauze.

"You've had more flattering looks." I gestured to my father. "You remember my dad?"

Laramie found us.

"Hi, Mr. Snow. Hi, Mr. Jenkins."

"Please, call me Larry."

"Call him Laramie," I said.

Laramie winked at me. "My friends call me that, so ... yes, Forrest, you can call me Laramie. You're a friend."

A weak smile crossed Forrest's face.

"Aiden just left," I said.

"I know. He stuck his head in and grabbed Donny. Donny stayed here all night."

"Nice," Dad said. "We'll let you rest, but we'll be back tonight to visit."

"Oh. Are you sure? Are you sure you want to spend your time here in ... here?" he said, gesturing to the room.

"We're sure," I said.

Minutes later in Laramie's SUV, I asked, "Did you drive all night?"

"We made it over halfway last night, and then we stopped for a few hours of sleep in a hotel. We got an early start. We should probably find a hotel to clean up this afternoon."

"It was sweet of you to come. Thank you. I'm sorry you came all this way for nothing."

"You're not nothing," Laramie chided from behind the wheel. "You are everything. To us, you are everything."

"Thanks, Dad," I said to Laramie, which made my father smile. "I suppose I should feel fortunate that it wasn't as bad as the doctor said it could have been."

"Thank heavens," my father barely said under his breath.

"Do you have classes today?" Laramie asked.

"I missed the first one. I have a 1 o'clock and 2."

"Perhaps we can find a hotel to let us check in early," Dad said.

We grabbed sandwiches and chips just before noon. Following lunch, they dropped me off. I made it to my 1 o'clock without a problem. They asked me multiple times if I was sure I wanted to go. I did. I wanted normalcy.

At 2:15, I felt a buzz of a text coming in.

"We were able to check in at the Courtyard a little early. We'll clean up and nap. If you'd like to take a shower here, we can help you with the bandages if you want to bring all that."

The thought of being naked near my father creeped me out. Not that they would climb in the shower with me. I just didn't even want to think about it.

He texted me the address. I told them I'd be there around 4.

Back in the room, Aiden was there. His look was of immediate concern for my wellbeing.

"I'm fine. Relax."

"I just hate that whole thing happened."

"It's not like you're to blame."

"But Forrest was defending me."

"Cy's just a dick. That's all."

"Is it okay if we can all go see Forrest? Manny, Geoff and Ace want to. Sam too."

"That's fine. I feel like I need to spend some time with my dads though. They came all this way."

"Why don't we all go out for pizza, and then we can head back to the hospital."

"Is the dining hall okay? I think I want them to meet Zoey."

"Ooooo. Big," Aiden said, his tone shifting.

"Normally, I'd say, `Not really. But ... I guess meeting your boyfriend's dad — and his husband — is somewhat of a deal. It's nothing to me, but I have to remember not everyone gets to see it as a day-to-day thing."

"Zoey won't mind."

"I don't think so." I stepped closer to Aiden. "Do I stink?"

"What?"

"I didn't shower because I was in the hospital. Do I smell bad?"

He took a sniff. "I wouldn't say that, but your hair has seen better days."

"Hm. Dad said he and Laramie could help me with the bandages if I wanted to shower there."

"Well then. There you go."

"I hate the idea of them dawdling on me while I'm undressed."

"Corey! They love you. They came all the way here. It would mean something to them if they felt they were taking care of you."

"I suppose."

 

—

 

The Courtyard by Marriott was only a few minutes away by car. I knocked on the room number Dad had texted me. Laramie answered.

Dad rolled over on the bed and looked at me. He smiled. "How do you feel?"

"Hanging in there, I suppose. I'm kind of watching the clock to take the next pain killer, but ... that's partially in my head because I'm aware of what time I can take the next pill. But ... it's not horrible. Just sore. Until I move the wrong way."

"It will probably be that way for a few days, but at least the healing has started. Day One," he said.

"I guess I'll take a shower." I set down a bag of bandages, clear wrap, gauze, a cream and tape.

After a few minutes, we peeled off the bandages. I saw the stitches for the first time. "Yikes."

"That looks pretty red, but I guess that's to be expected," Dad said. "Sure you don't want to wait another day?"

"You're meeting Zoey tonight. I'd rather look a little more presentable. They said it should be safe as long as water doesn't get in."

"OOOO. We get to meet this lovely Zoey," Laramie exclaimed.

"Both of you, please be on your best behavior. DO NOT embarrass me in front of her."

They laughed. "Us?" they said in mock offense.

The two of them got the wound covered with plastic wrap and made it watertight.

"Do you want us to go in there with you?" Dad asked.

"I'd rather have my lung punctured."

"Okay, fine."

I tried to keep the shower brief. Getting my hair right was the most important thing. I aimed my side away from the shower spray. Having seen my injury, it sort of hit home of how I could have been seriously injured. I was pleased that my skin now smelled like soap and not overnight hospital funk.

I made sure I was completely dry and then emerged into the hotel room once again. Dad thoroughly investigated the injury. We put disinfectant and cream on the recommended areas. It was sensitive, but I had almost become used to the throb of pain. With care, the wound was covered with bandages once again.

"Well, I accidentally fell asleep the moment we got to the room. I still need to shower. I won't be long," Dad said.

"I showered first thing," Laramie said. "When I got out, he was snoozing away."

"You guys didn't get much sleep."

Dad opened the suitcase and pulled out a fresh pair of boxers. He entered the bathroom, closed the door, and we could hear the shower turned on again.

Laramie was lying on the bed. He patted his stomach for me to see.

"Belly talk?" I asked.

"Yep. If you want."

For years, he and I had shared an unusual bond of me being able to talk to him when my head was on his stomach while I stared at the ceiling. I guess I hadn't outgrown it. Or didn't want to.

My legs hung off the side of the bed. My body stretched out with my head on his stomach.

"Want to talk about anything?" he asked.

"Like?"

"Well ... Zoey. Finals. Your injury. Aiden. The kiss."

"Don't read anything into that. It's just a friendly thing."

"Does it happen often?"

"I wouldn't say often, but ... sometimes."

"Are you two...?"

"We aren't a couple. He's with Donny."

"Fine." He paused. "Does ... he want ... to be a couple?"

I hesitated. "We're just friends. He knows that, accepts that. I was afraid I was messing with his head, but ... we're really close. I can show him affection just like you and Dad do with your friends."

"I see."

"As long as he's fine with it. I would never want him to feel bad."

"Anything else between you?"

I sighed and groaned at the same time. "Do you really need to know all this?"

"I'm just here to listen, buddy. That's all. You know I care. You know I love you."

"And you're easy to talk to. I appreciate that."

"Thanks." He rubbed his fingers through my freshly washed hair.

"He doesn't want to cheat on Donny, so we make sure we don't really do anything beyond a hug and an occasional kiss. We will still ... do something ... at the same time, but that doesn't involve anything romantic or anything. No touching."

Did I really just tell Laramie that Aiden and I occasionally masturbate?

"Friends can do that."

"Some. I guess. I just ... share everything with Aiden. Neither of us had brothers or sisters growing up. We've loved living together this year. Does it sound strange to say we make each other happy?"

"It sounds like a great friendship."

"It is. He's ... great."

Laramie was silent for a moment. "Have you ever questioned if you are bisexual? Would you be okay with that?"

"I'd be fine if I was GAY. Aiden and I are perfect for each other. But ... I know I'm not a bisexual."

"You seem to be extremely close to Aiden."

"That's how I know. If I had ... sexual feelings, if you want to call them that, I'd be all over him. I just ... don't. I love him so much. In fact, I love him so much that if – if – if there was an attraction to another guy, he'd be the one. The One. I love him that much. But ... I don't feel attracted to him that way. I'm not that person he needs ... or deserves. He needs someone who can be 100 percent the love of his life."

"Okay. As long as you both have each other's best interests at heart, then you should be fine. I'd hate for him — or you — to get hurt."

"I used to worry about that. I never wanted to hurt him. Growing up in Mushyville with Mom and Dad, it's so easy to be affectionate with my friends. I've learned that isn't necessarily a common thing with all of them though."

"My brother Grayson and I got closer as adults," Laramie said. "When we were kids, I didn't want him hanging around much. Now, I love his company. You're very grown up in being able to show affection."

"Or very weird."

"The world would be a better place with such weirdness."

I sat up and looked down at him. I felt extremely lucky that Dad had chosen Laramie to spend his life with — and marry. I loved Mitch before . I always would. But Laramie was such a gift. He had something special that I felt very fortunate to have in my life. I leaned down to hug him.

"It was nice of you to come." I kissed his cheek. "Dad."

"Don't make me cry."

"Oh, please. Butterflies can make you cry," I said with snark, getting off the bed.

Dad came out of the shower. He got dressed. I texted Zoey the time to meet us at the dining hall.

 

—

 

Dad and Laramie brought their own vehicle back to campus. We walked to the dining hall. Waiting outside were Aiden, Ace, Manny, Geoff, Sam and Zoey.

"Dad, Laramie, this is Zoey."

I looked at her catch her breath.

"Told yoooooou," Donny whispered. I assumed a compliment about their looks had been given before we arrived.

"It's wonderful to meet you, Zoey. Corey talks so fondly of you," Dad said. They all shook hands.

"And you remember Ace, Geoff, Manny. This is Sam. He wasn't with us on Spring Break."

"Nice to meet you, Sam," Laramie said.

Since they were visitors, my fathers had to pay for their meal. We all sat at a long table.

"I texted Forrest that we would be there in a little while. He said he was eating in his hospital room now. He said it wasn't up to Corey's cooking," Aiden chuckled.

My dads smiled.

"Sam, with all that's happened in the last 24 hours, I haven't really asked you how things went at home?" Aiden asked. "How was the funeral?"

"It was nice. There was a large turnout at the church. Mom and her new husband wanted me to get back quickly and finish up the semester right."

"It's sad the timing wasn't better. I know you would have liked to stay at home a while," I said.

"I know. I won't call him my step-dad, but Mom's new husband didn't want to see my tuition go down the drain. I suppose since he paid part of it. Ironically, it was my aunt who paid a big chunk. Overall, it was nice to see relatives, I guess."

"I'm sorry for your loss," Dad said. "Were you close?"

"Very. She helped raise me when Mom had to be at work. I didn't have a father in the picture."

"Hang on to your good memories," Laramie said.

"I think we're planning on celebrating her in some way on her birthday this summer."

"Nice," Zoey said. "You should send us all pictures."

I thought it was interesting that Zoey wanted to be included in our group texts. I had mentioned them to her. I always pictured it as a guy thing. I wondered if the others would be interested in her being a part of the group. I wasn't sure if they even liked her, but everyone had been very nice to her the last month whenever they saw the two of us together.

After dinner wrapped up, Sam, Ace, Geoff and Manny took a car to go see Forrest. We knew it would be a crowded room if everyone was there at the same time. Dad and Laramie could enjoy a little more time with Zoey if we let the guys go first.

My fathers seemed to like her a lot, and she didn't seem thrown in the slightest that they were gay.

We dawdled over banana pudding.

"How long are you staying?" she asked them.

"Well, Corey doesn't seem to be in any dire condition, so we'll head back in the morning. Besides, the school year is winding down. You all don't need any additional distractions."

"It was very sweet of you to come to see him," she said.

"I'm surprised Mom didn't come fawn all over me."

"Oh, trust me, she has texted me about every hour."

I laughed and smiled at the same time.

"Before leaving, I promised her I would give detailed reports," Dad said. "If needed, she was poised to run to her car."

"That's her," I said.

"Hey, it's your mom," Zoey chided. "She's supposed to be concerned."

"I know. I know. She's great. I don't give her enough credit."

Outside the dining hall, Dad and Laramie gave Zoey a hug, which she readily accepted. I was relieved that they all got along well, but I was even more relieved that they didn't embarrass me in front of her. I kissed her goodbye, and we then loaded into Laramie's SUV to go see Forrest.

"Zoey seems very nice," Dad said from the front seat.

"Thanks. I think so."

"Way better than Patty," Aiden grumbled.

"You liked Patty. Until you found out she was a homophobe."

"Exactly."

"So ..." Laramie said from behind the wheel. "What happens this summer?"

"Meaning?" I followed.

"You haven't had the discussion? Will you two break it off for a few months? Or are you going to go see her? Or are you just going to stay boyfriend/girlfriend without seeing each other?"

"Gosh. I guess we have a couple of weeks to figure that out."

"I'm not looking forward to that conversation with Donny either," Aiden said sadly.

When we walked into Forrest's room, it became packed with visitors.

"Oh, wow." Forrest's face continued to light up seeing so many people come to see him. "Somehow I have an entourage."

Forrest's eyes scanned us all one at a time. He didn't cry, but I could see his eyes moisten by how many people were there for him.

"Donny has a paper due in the morning, but he sends his love," Aiden softly said.

"He'd have to stand on a chair if he was here," Forrest joked.

"How do you feel?" Laramie asked.

"They have me on a lot of pain meds, so ... is fuzzy an appropriate word?"

"Better than `in pain.' It doesn't hurt?" I asked.

"Comes and goes." Forrest looked directly into my eyes. "I'm so sorry you were between Cy and me. How do you feel?"

"Sore. But I'll live."

"What's going on in here? Is there a rock concert?" the nurse jested, entering the room.

"Just visiting a friend," Manny said.

"Well, Forrest. It's nice to have so many friends," she said, checking a monitor.

"Yeah, it is," he could barely say without crying.

After checking cords, monitors and vitals, the nurse looked at all of us. "Just so you know, the hospital policy is only four visitors at a time unless immediate family. But if you all don't cause a ruckus, I won't say anything."

"We won't be long," Geoff said. "We just needed to see him."

Forrest tried to innocently wipe his eye.

"Have you ... have you heard from your family?" Aiden asked.

"Mom has called twice. They talked to the doctor on the phone. It sounds like I'll be released tomorrow. They have to check on things in the morning. I heard delightful words like discoloration, leakage and stuff. Nice. I'm sure I look like Frankenstein's monster under these bandages."

Aiden held his arm.

"We need a group shot," Geoff said. He stepped into the hall to find the nurse.

When she entered, Geoff handed her his phone. We gathered toward the front of the bed on both sides.

We all smiled.

"I'm sure that is flattering," Forrest moaned. But there was something in his expression that he appreciated having so many friends with him in a photo.

"Manny, you're like the Incredible Shrinking Man. You look so thin," Forrest said.

"Thanks," he said sheepishly. "If I lose two more pounds in the next couple of weeks, I will have lost forty since the start of the year."

"Fantastic," Laramie said. "Congratulations on reaching your goals."

"Most of my clothes are a little big on me now. I can only buy so many new ones."

"Let's go shopping this weekend," Forrest said. "I want to buy you something to show up in when you arrive home. Something sharp."

Emanuel looked touched. "I'd like that. But ... you shouldn't buy."

"Don't worry about it."

Someone new walked into the room. We didn't know who it was.

"Hi, Forrest."

"Perry. Hi. I ... didn't expect you."

Perry seemed familiar, but I didn't know how to place him. He must have been another friend of Forrest's from campus.

"Everyone, this is my roommate, Perry." Forrest went on to introduce us all by name, stumbling on Dad's and Laramie's name, but still remembering them. "I can't believe you came."

I think all of us felt it. We had gone a whole school year without knowing who Forrest's roommate was. We didn't even know his name. How was that possible?

"All right gentlemen, we're probably exceeding fire codes or something now," the nurse joked.

"We'll give y'all some space," Ace said. His carload of friends moved out of the room, wishing Forrest good vibes and telling him they would see him tomorrow. I saw Forrest reach for Aiden's arm to make him stay. I stood next to him. Dad and Laramie said they'd wait in the foyer.

"It was nice of you to come," Forrest softly said to his roommate. "I ... I didn't think you even liked me."

Perry looked at Aiden and me, contemplating how to answer.

"I was a little surprised myself," he said, looking down. "I did some thinking I guess." He looked back at Forrest. "Last night, I didn't even know what happened. I didn't hear until today. I just figured that you were staying out with someone else last night. I – I didn't know."

"I understand."

"When I heard, I sat down on my bed. I wasn't sure what to feel. Yeah, at the beginning of the year, I ... didn't like you. The first week of school you told me, `Keep your stuff on your side of the room.' It caught me off-guard."

"I was an asshole."

"Well ..."

"I was."

"We just never became close. You went your way; I went mine. I learned to study in the library. You didn't like me; I didn't like you. Then the whole hall turned on you. I thought you got what you deserved." Perry cleared his throat. "Then these past few months, you've ... you've changed. You say, `Good morning.' You're polite. Today I realized I didn't hold anything against you. When I heard you got hurt, it bothered me. I'm sorry that I haven't been as quick to be friendly back."

"You had reason to keep your distance."

"That's changed. I think you're a nice person."

"I am? You do?"

Perry nodded. "I brought you a card," he said, reaching for the card he had set down on a side table.

Forrest opened it.

"It's nice. Thanks, Perry." He reached for a sheet and dabbed his eyes. "Thank you."

"I won't stay long, but I thought I'd let you know that I stopped by to let most of your professors know what happened to you so they would know why you were out. They wish you well."

"That was nice of you."

"I didn't get a chance to talk to Professor Goldman. He wasn't there. You had your schedule on your bulletin board, so I could track it down fairly easily."

"I appreciate that, Perry. Thank you."

Perry didn't talk long. He just spoke of Dunne and how a few people had asked about him.

"If you need anything when you get back, let me know."

"They say tomorrow."

"Good. I'll look forward to you getting back."

He started to head out. Aiden and I told him it was nice to meet him.

"Well, that was a surprise," Forrest said.

"I can't believe we've never met him," I said. "I vaguely remember seeing him at Dunne, but I never made any type of connection."

Forrest took a deep breath. "Perry was always sort of a reminder that ... that I wasn't a good person. He didn't want to have anything to do with me."

"Well, that changed," Aiden said.

"Yeah," Forrest said blankly, almost in disbelief.

"You're a good person, Forrest. It's time you let yourself admit that," I said.

"We'll let you rest, but we'll see you when you get back to campus tomorrow," Aiden said.

I gently hugged him, trying to be careful around the bandages on his head.

Aiden leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I love you, Forrest."

We waved and exited the room. I heard Forrest sniff before we got out of earshot.

 

—

 

Having showered at the hotel yesterday, I didn't worry about it the next morning. Aiden took one. We met Dad and Laramie for breakfast at a diner off campus.

We timed it for us to be back at Notre Dame for our first class at 9.

"You're fine with us taking off?" Dad said.

"Yes, yes. Of course. Go take care of your jobs. I'm fine, and I'll be home before you know it."

"Just keep in touch with your mother."

"Oh, I am. I called yesterday afternoon, and she called before I went to bed last night."

"She loves you very much."

"I know."

Aiden smiled at our conversation. I still felt bad that he didn't hear such loving terms at his house, but I felt things were getting better for him.

Laramie was gentle with his hug. "Does it feel any better?"

"It's only been a day, but I took a pain killer an hour ago, so ... sure. Right now, it's fine."

He brought me in for a second hug in his chuckle.

Dad hugged me next. "I love you, buddy."

"You've never told me that before," I joked.

"Grrr. Don't make me hurt you."

"I love you too. It was nice of you to drive up."

Aiden was hugging Laramie; they had a tight embrace. Dad let go of me and stepped up to my roommate. Open arms became a closed hug.

"Take care of him."

"Absolutely," my roommate said. Dad kissed him on the top of the head.

We waved to them as they backed out.

"I hope I can spend more time with them this summer," Aiden said.

"I'm sure they would enjoy that."

 

—

 

Zoey was in tears in our walk after dinner.

"What's wrong?"

"I think I bombed a test today. If I don't do well on the final, I – I – I hope I don't fail the course."

"You won't. It will be okay." I kissed her cheek.

"I've got to do well on finals, Corey. If my grades fall, I'm not sure my parents will send me back next year."

Aiden always told me things came easier for me. Like a soldier with survivor's guilt, I felt bad for doing well in my classes.

"If there's anything I can do to help you study, just let me know."

"Thanks. I'm just sad that studying is taking up so much time of our last two weeks."

"Well, that's why we are here. It's understandable. We're still doing fine seeing each other at lunches and dinners."

"Yeah, but not the fun stuff," she moaned.

It amused me that what she considered "fun stuff" would be first-date stuff to most of my friends. Everyone else was having sex, and she and I had decided to hold off. Part of that innocence is what drew me to Zoey. She was pretty, but it was her honesty that made me like her.

She composed herself, and we resumed our walk. Aiden, Josh and a couple we didn't know were headed in our direction.

"Corey, this is Charlie. I told you about him," Aiden said.

Josh completed the introduction. "This is his girlfriend, Dana."

Zoey and I shook hands and offered pleasant greetings.

"Aiden says you are quite the songwriter," Charlie said.

"Ha. Quite the songwriter?? I simply write songs. On occasion. And carve. On occasion."

"Would you be interested in spending a little time this weekend? I play guitar. You have the keyboards. It might be fun to write something before we head home for the summer."

"Can I watch? I've never heard Corey sing," Zoey asked.

"He has a beautiful voice," Aiden beamed.

"As do you," I said, looking at Aiden. "We were both in Choir," I said, looking at Charlie.

"I'll get your phone number from Josh and text you a good time," I said.

"Here." Josh sent me the number immediately.

Zoey looked at me. "I'm sorry. I really should go study."

"Understood."

We walked back to her dorm. I kissed her goodnight.

Aiden and I stopped by Forrest's room when we got back to Dunne.

"How are you?"

"VERY glad to be out of a hospital room."

"We're glad you're back. Hi, Perry."

His roommate waved.

"How bad do I look?"

"You just got out of a hospital for having your face split open on rocks. You aren't supposed to look like a model."

"Well, I never looked like a model. Think I'll look scary to people in class with all the bandages?"

"Hm. I'm sure you will get some questions from those who don't know," I said.

Forrest put on a ballcap. "Does this help?"

"Totally," Aiden said. "It covers up a lot of the bandages. Puts your face in shade."

"And it doesn't hurt to wear it. Of course, if I took off the bandages, my face would look like cold pizza."

"Time heals all wounds, or so they say," I offered.

"Well, let us know if you need anything," Aiden said.

"I need this." He walked up and hugged Aiden.

I saw Perry's card standing up on Forrest's desk. I could tell it meant something to him.

"Thanks for everything," Forrest softly said to my roommate in their hug.

"But ... I didn't do anything."

"You did everything." He lowered his voice to a whisper, but I still heard it. "I love you. I've never said that to anyone. Ever."

We waved to both of them.

 

—

 

"How was the clinic?" Aiden asked.

"Eh. They want to wait two more days before they remove the stitches. I think it looks okay. They are just being extra cautious. They said it all seemed to be healing well."

"Does it hurt?"

"Weellllll ... I'm out of the pain meds, so I have to get used to it. It's sort of a combination of soreness and itchiness. It's been five days. They said the day after the stitches come out, I won't have to cover it up in the shower."

"It's not as red," Aiden said, as I lifted the corner of my bandage.

"More like purple, but yeah."

Geoff came in to check on me. I asked him if he was interested in joining Charlie and me in songwriting the next day.

"Totally! That sounds fun. Anything sounds fun compared to cramming for finals. Scraping gum off my shoe sounds fun."

"Good."

"Ace threw me a curve ball today." We looked at Geoff, indicating he should clarify. "He told me he is going to move to a new dorm next year. He's going to room with two of his jock friends. I'm bummed."

"OOOOHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," Aiden groaned.

"Um. He said that to me, not to you," Geoff said, confused but smiling.

My roommate looked at me. "I've been avoiding telling you something." He gestured for me to sit.

"When you were being taken to the hospital, I was in Donny's dorm. He – he – he asked ..." Aiden didn't want to finish. "... he asked me to room with him next year."

"Everybody's bailing," wailed Geoff, throwing his arms in the air.

"Well, actually, Donny knows I have friends here. He wants to move here."

I stopped hearing everything. All noise ended. The Earth didn't rotate. I just felt an arrow pierce my heart. How could this be? Aiden and I wouldn't be roommates next year?? I couldn't comprehend it. I didn't WANT to comprehend it. My heart stopped.

"... and I'm out of pain meds."

"What?" Aiden asked.

"Nothing. I'm – I'm ..." I couldn't complete a sentence.

"I'll leave you guys alone," Geoff awkwardly said.

He shut our door.

"I'm so sorry," Aiden breathed more than said. "I didn't want to tell you at the hospital, and I've wrestled with it all week."

"Did you tell Donny yes?"

Aiden was silent. He laid his body on his bed. "Not yet. I can't bare the thought of you and I not being roommates." He rolled to look at me. "But ... I think I should do it. If we are really in love with each other, then ... I think it's the right thing to do."

"I get that," I blankly said.

"We'll both still be here at Dunne."

"Yeah," I blankly said.

"We'll still be best friends."

"Sure," I blankly said.

The silence in the room was deafening. It was if we were both suddenly born without hearing.

"I'm going to go for a walk."

"Corey ..."

I was numb. I felt nothing. I thought nothing. I saw nothing, heard nothing, absorbed nothing.

I just felt alone. Wandering. Alone.

I didn't even know where I had walked. I was just standing on a grassy lawn between buildings. No one was near me.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" My fists were clenched. "FUUUUUUCK!"

I felt stabbed. Not in the back but through my heart.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't my fault that I couldn't love him as a boyfriend. It wasn't fair that our love as best friends wasn't enough.

My life was upside down.

My body collapsed on the grass. I sat in a stupor for a minute. I flopped on my side; a blade of grass entered my nostril, my face smashed into the ground.

The universe sucked.

Twenty minutes later, I reentered our room. Aiden's hands were threaded through his hair, his elbows on his desk. He looked up at me. His eyes were noticeably red.

"Do you completely love him?"

"Yes," he whimpered.

"Then you two should be together."

"Really?"

"Really. But I want you to think. The two of you haven't spent lots and lots of time together — like all-the-time together like we have. It may not be like living with me."

"Nothing can compare to rooming with you. I know that."

"I'll just ask this once, and then I'll leave it alone." He looked me in the eyes. "I hope you guys love each other forever. But what if — IF! — something doesn't work out. Won't it be hard if you break up and still have to room together?"

"Would it really be harder than knowing that you can never love me every day I wake up in the room with you?"

And I was frozen.

Every day. That must have been agonizing for him. The two of us loved each other to the max, but my love had a stopping point. We both knew that. He just had to accept that. Every day.

A tear went down my cheek. "Okay."

We didn't say much else. We didn't attempt to open a book. We decided to turn in early. We peed, brushed our teeth and undressed.

Our hug before bed was distant.

I lay there, staring at the darkened ceiling for five minutes.

Ten minutes.

Fifteen minutes. I could tell when Aiden was sleeping. He wasn't either.

"It's not a bright light; it's darkness," I said.

"Huh?" he grunted, turning toward me.

"Last semester we talked about the moment you became an adult and if there was a bright light that shone down letting you know when the moment arrived. It's this. It's darkness. It's now that I know I'm an adult. Life is going to suck. And being an adult means you have to face the suckiness. That's what grown-ups do. They face it and figure it out."

"Man. I'm sorry."

"Fuck!"

"Don't cuss," Aiden said to me.

I grinned for just a moment hearing my words thrown in my face. It broke through to my blackened soul.

I crawled out of bed and lumbered across the room.

"Move over."

I got under the sheet with Aiden and put my arm around him. His body moved back into mine.

Minutes later, we fell asleep.

 

—

 

Charlie and I were going to work on music Saturday morning. Following lunch with everyone, Geoff, Zoey and Aiden would join us. Manny and Forrest planned to go off shopping. I knew that was just the thing to make Forrest feel better.

Charlie was awesome. He played some acoustical guitar, and I enjoyed listening to him sing. He shared songs that he had written.

Halfway through our morning session, Aiden came back to the room.

"I'm sorry to interrupt. I know I don't get to sing along with you until this afternoon, but ... I was taken with something in our Psych class last week. I can't remember why it was even part of the lesson, but ... it's a poem by Walt Whitman. When I heard it, the first half reminded me of ... you and me," he said, looking at me.

He handed me the poem.

 

WE TWO BOYS TOGETHER CLINGING

 

By Walt Whitman

 

We two boys together clinging,

One the other never leaving,

Up and down the roads going, North and South excursions making,

Power enjoying, elbows stretching, fingers clutching,

Arm'd and fearless, eating, drinking, sleeping, loving.

 

"I love it," I said.

"It's short, but I thought it might make a simple song."

He left us alone.

Knowing they would hear us through the walls, Ace and Geoff had been studying in the library. Sam came to Forrest's room to keep him company, although they both studied in silence. Manny and Zoey had their rooms to themselves. Aiden went to Donny's room, but they weren't going to study. He was going to help Donny pack some first things.

As we all met for lunch, Josh and Dana joined our group and asked how things were going. Brady saw us and joined us. In my heart, I knew it was the last time all these people would be together in one place. I contemplated fixing one last dinner, but I knew our schedules during finals week weren't going to be the time to do it.

I missed these people already, and they were right next to me.

Forrest showed us what it looked like under the bandage. He said it was getting better, but it still looked bad to us.

Following lunch, Forrest and Manny were off on their excursion at the mall. I told Geoff, Aiden and Zoey to join us at 2. Charlie and I needed just a little more time.

 

—

 

Zoey, Aiden and Geoff were right on time. Zoey had never heard me sing a note, so we started off just playing some Dua Lipa and Coldplay. She said I had a wonderful singing voice and complimented Aiden and Geoff as well.

Charlie strummed his guitar and began the new song based on the poem.

"Here it is, Aiden."

We had put Whitman's verse of "We Two Boys Together Clinging" to music. It was mostly Charlie's guitar, but there were a few strands where my keyboards accompanied him.

In my heart, I thought it was a beautiful piece. I couldn't wait to play it for Trent back home, since he sat down with me years ago to begin my music writing journey. I wanted Mom and Dad to hear it too. Sadly, I wouldn't have Charlie's guitar with me.

I hoped Aiden would like it.

He didn't say anything.

Our eyes locked.

"It's my favorite thing you've ever written."

I smiled at him. He smiled back. Our eyes said a thousand other things.

"I wish people back home could hear it," I said.

"Why can't you play it for them?" Zoey asked.

"Because Charlie doesn't live in Jackson Bend."

"Oh!" Charlie said, almost sounding startled. "There's a recording studio on campus. We could do it there next week. I'm familiar with it from one of my classes."

"Really??"

"Would you like to?"

"Record our songs!?" Geoff asked. "Can we sing backup??!"

"Of course."

In that moment, the music session got more energetic.

Twenty minutes later, Aiden and I got a text from Manny. It was a picture of him in a new outfit. He and Forrest had done well. It looked very sharp.

 

—

 

"Well, we had the talk," Aiden said, coming in from his Sunday evening date with Donny.

"Tell me more."

"Chas was out, so we fucked in the afternoon and did it the other way this evening."

"TMI," I grumbled. "That doesn't sound like talking."

"We figured it was our last time this year. BUT ... we had a serious talk about what happens this summer."

"Ohhh. I'm going to have to do that with Zoey this week. How did it go?"

"We promised to be faithful. No cheating. No seeing other guys. We're going to talk every week and try to text every day. On Saturdays, we are going to FaceTime each other and jack off together."

"Oh my. That's very scheduled."

"We think it will keep us connected while we're apart."

"Somehow I don't see Zoey and me doing that."

Aiden laughed hysterically.

"You haven't even seen each other naked." He laughed harder. "I can just picture you watching her on a phone fingering her pussy."

"Hey! That's my girlfriend. Get those images out of your head."

He laughed harder. Oddly, he put the pictures in my head, and I started to get an erection.

I knew she and I had to have this talk.

Would we break up just for the summer?
Would she be interested in seeing other guys?
Would she be heartbroken if I went out with someone back home?
Would we feel the same when we came back?
Would we have sex next year?

It was too much to think about.

"I do have some news," I said.

"Do tell."

"Geoff and I are going to room together next year."

"Really??" Aiden lit up. "I love that. I LOVE THAT!"

"He suggested it. It totally made sense."

"Totally!" He leaped across the room and hugged me. "Oh, I feel so much better."

He suddenly became alarmed that he squeezed me too tightly.

"It's fine. Stitches came out this afternoon. If I'm careful, I don't have to put a bandage on it. They said if I felt safer in still doing so, I could."

Aiden looked at it. "Still a scar. Will that go away?"

"I don't think so."

"That sucks."

"It does and doesn't."

"Why on earth would you say that?"

"I have to realize that things will be different next year. This ... this scar will remind me of my freshman year. You. Sam. Forrest."

"A scar is a terrible memento."

"True. But if the memories of people are important, it let's me look at it a little better."

"You're amazing, Corey."

"Nah." I sighed. "Just mushy. I want to remember this year."

"Oooo, let's get matching tattoos!"

"Let's not," I flatly said.

 

—

 

Monday. 1:10.

My phone rang. It was Donny.

"Hey, Donny. Uh, Aiden isn't here. I think he is working on something at the library for his final in the morning."

"I know. That's why I'm calling now. Can you come outside?"

Odd. But I walked down the hall to go downstairs.

He was near the front door. It was a magnificent 78 degrees outside, and I was annoyingly fiddling with Statistics.

"What's up?"

He walked us over to a bench and sat down. It almost made me feel like something was serious.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Oh?"

"About next year."

"Oh."

"I wanted to thank you for being supportive of Aiden and I rooming together next year. If you threw up a red flag, I don't think he would have agreed to it."

"I'll be honest, Donny. It's a dagger in my heart, and I'm doing my best to deal with it."

"I hope you don't take it personally. I like you, Corey."

"And I like you. Obviously. That's not the issue. I understand. I do. It doesn't hurt any less though."

"Aiden loves you more than anyone else in the world."

"But he's IN love with you. I know he is," I interrupted.

"I know. For a while, I felt like I was in competition with you."

"No. You're not."

"I understand more now. I used to think I could never measure up. He would always love you more, but now I see you and Aiden are different than me and Aiden."

"Exactly. Lance and Jakob told him about the different kinds of love over the holidays. I think the friendship kind was ... Philia. I believe. But that only goes so far. I can't give Aiden everything. You can. You two have romantic love where I can't give him that."

"I can only hope that our love is as strong as what you two have."

"I hope you two make each other happy."

"Thanks. If you stood in the way, I don't think we would even have a chance. I wanted to thank you."

"Donny, I really do hope the best for you two, as much as it kills me to not have my best friend as a roommate." I paused. "I'm going to ask you this question though. I asked Aiden. I really, really hope you two live happily ever after. But ... if you don't. If you break up, how hard will it be to be stuck together as roommates?"

"I know. It's a risk. But we really love each other. I think if we were to split up, we know each other well enough that the other one won't become a psycho bitch."

I laughed.

"I can confirm he is a very considerate roommate. But ... we're both neat and clean. Be aware of that."

"It'll be a nice change from my current roommate."

"Hmm. I suppose I should discuss some ground rules with Geoff, now that you mention it."

"Good luck. Their room — on the couple occasions I was in there — was nothing like yours."

"I'm glad you agreed to be in Dunne Hall. At least we'll all still be close."

"Exactly."

I hugged him, and then I went back inside to study.

 

—

 

Tuesday. Dinner.

"Hi."

"Hi, Zoey," I said.

"You're all alone," she said, putting her meal down.

"I asked to be."

"To be with me? How sweet."

"Well, partially, I guess. But I think we should talk."

"Ooo. Those are scary words."

"No. No, they don't have to be." She looked at me with her fork suspended in the air. "Aiden mentioned he and Donny had a talk ... and I think we should."

"Hmm. I can't imagine. But ... two gay guys. It had to be hot."

"No. Well ... maybe. But no." I took a bite of chicken parmesan and swallowed. "I think we should come to a decision for the summer."

"A decision on...?"

"What are WE over the summer? Do you want to date other people back home and then see if we pick it up in the fall? Do you want us to remain loyal to each other? Do you want ..." I wasn't sure how to convey my questions. "I just don't know what you want."

"Oh. Wow. I didn't think about it that way." She set her silver down. "Corey, I will tell you that I don't intend to date. I don't need to look. I hope we can pick up in the fall right where we leave off. But ... three months is a long time to ask you to commit ... long distance. With nothing. Is that too big of an ask?"

"No. If you want us to just pause but still pick back up in August, I'm fine with that. Really. I don't need to go looking."

"I appreciate that. Most boys would be looking for a girl to get into the sack."

"You know that's not me."

"I do. And that's why you're so special. I feel you are right for me."

I took a breath. "Well, I'm glad we got that out of the way."

 

—

 

Wednesday. 3 o'clock.

Most of us were through the majority of our finals. We all had one or two left. There was a weight lifted off our shoulders, but we didn't get too relaxed. Even one last final was important.

But for two hours, finals weren't a concern. We were in the recording studio. Charlie walked us through the tech equipment. Our goal was to record the songs we had written during our freshman year.

Charlie had two songs of his own. I had "Pillar of Strength" and "Out of the Cold." Geoff and I had written "Endless Stream of Endless Dreams." He had helped me a little on "Disillusion." Geoff had written "Temptation" on his own. Saturday morning, Charlie and I had worked on the song from Walt Whitman's poem.

Eight songs were a lot to accomplish in one afternoon, but we were going to try.

The one we had just written over the weekend was first up. It was fresh. We decided to call it "We Two Boys." Charlie sang a little back up, but mostly it was just me.

Since we were recipients of Charlie's expertise, we did his two songs next. I had learned to accent what he had written in a few places, but it was mainly for guitar. My keyboard inserted some drums where he thought they were appropriate.

Geoff and I rehearsed "Endless Stream of Endless Dreams." Charlie asked if he could add some guitar chords. We played around with it. Geoff really liked it. I thought it was only okay, but this was primarily Geoff's song, so I let him have final approval.

 

ENDLESS STREAM OF ENDLESS DREAMS

 

By Geoff Hampton and Corey Snow

The current and mind it seems
An endless stream of endless dreams
That flow and crash in waves before me
A distant future for me to see
An endless map of shifting doubts
I sort through facts and hopes
Unsure of uncharted waters

Every now and then things seem clear
Is my dream based on hope or fear?
Am I the captain or a stowaway?
Compared to the river, what role do I play?
An endless map of shifting doubts
I sort through facts and hopes
Unsure of uncharted waters

Can nothing point the way?
Can nothing bring me back?
Are my dreams for today?
Or is it something that I lack?
There is nothing that will change the past
An endless stream that can never last
I don't know how I got so lost
And when do I finally face the cost?
I don't know if I'm heading for a dream or a waterfall

I tell everyone that I'm just fine
I have all my dreams all in line
Must I reach my dreams on my own?
Or is it not necessary to be all alone?
An endless map of shifting doubts
I sort through facts and hopes
Unsure of uncharted waters

Can nothing point the way?
Can nothing bring me back?
Are my dreams for today?
Or is it something that I lack?
There is nothing that will change the past
An endless stream that can never last
I don't know how I got so lost
And when do I finally face the cost?
I don't know if I'm heading for a dream or a waterfall

Can nothing point the way?
Can nothing bring me back?
Are my dreams for today?
Or is it something that I lack?
There is nothing that will change the past
An endless stream that can never last
I don't know how I got so lost
And when do I finally face the cost?
I don't know if I'm heading for a dream or a waterfall

An endless stream of endless dreams

 

 

Geoff was excited to contribute vocals. "I liked that," he said. We had both worked on the song since last fall, so it was great to actually record it.

 

My works were next. I started with "Out of the Cold."

 

 

OUT OF THE COLD

 

By Corey Snow

 

Lying beside you
Escape from the cold
All our words so wrong and blind
It now fades away
With you next to me
The warmth of your skin next to mine

Just you
Right now
Come through
Know how

So I reach for you
Out of the cold
Into my arms
For us to be us again

What went wrong didn't matter
All that matters is you
I so desperately need you to see
What your heart means to me

It doesn't matter
Who really was right
I can't feel an empty space
The cold cuts deeper
I'm falling through air
My life is in your embrace

Be here
See me
It's clear
You me

So I reach for you
Out of the cold
Into my arms
For us to be us again

What went wrong didn't matter
All that matters is you
I so desperately need you to see
What your heart means to me

So I reach for you
Out of the cold
Into my arms
For us to be us again

 

 

"I – I hadn't heard that one." Aiden looked at me. "Is that about what I think it is about?"

 

"It is."

 

"What is it?" Charlie asked.

 

"Maybe another time," I said, not wanting to explain Aiden and I sleeping together in the blackout.

"You're killing me," Aiden whispered in my ear. "That was wonderful."

"Thanks."

"I can't wait to hear it again."

Charlie got up to check on some readings. We looked at the time. I was concerned we wouldn't get through everything.

"Disillusion" was the next song.

 

"Can I sing on this one?" Aiden asked.

"Absolutely," I said.

"I remember this one. Can I add, `Fuck you, bitch!' as the final line?"

"Aiden! No! Patty's not a bitch. She ... just has different views."

"Hateful ones," Aiden muttered.

 

DISSILUSION

By Corey Snow

Whenever I lie awake
Thinking of each touch we take
Every question that I get
But I haven't seen it yet

Every touch on my skin
And each moan letting me in
All the feelings you give me
Make me wonder really

I'm sorry you're not it

You were drawing me in
You had me defenseless
You were drawing me in
Until it became senseless

I'm sorry you're not it

Your expert kind illusion
Became my disillusion
You wanted to be the one
Your words made it come undone

I'm sorry you're not it

You were drawing me in
You had me defenseless
You were drawing me in
Until it became senseless

I'm sorry you're not it

You're anything but steady
But made me feel so ready
I wanted you, you had me
But you killed it sadly

I'm sorry you're not it

You were drawing me in
You had me defenseless
You were drawing me in
Until it became senseless

I'm sorry you're not it

I'm sorry you're not it

 

 

Charlie didn't contribute anything to that one. Aiden loved joining me on the chorus.

"It's kind of fun to have a breakup song on here," Charlie said.

"So Taylor Swift," I said.

I brought out new music we had written down. "Your turn, Geoff. Solo time."

We played it first. Charlie added some chords. Geoff would make the final call. We had one more song after this and only 25 minutes left. We finally got it right.

 

TEMPTATION

By Geoff Hampton

There's no love in this cold bed
I've just got strong screams inside my head
I know there is hope in the right one
But I've skipped the steps to get it done
When I am drowning in my own thoughts
Please don't let me in

I was a child I know
The man in me wouldn't take it slow
You'd think I'd be smart enough
To not make it so hard for us
I didn't think with my heart
Temptation

Who was I to be so brave?
To foolishly act on what I crave
I don't deny how weak I've been
But can God tell me where or when?
And I do and don't want to give in

I was a child I know
The man in me wouldn't take it slow
You'd think I'd be smart enough
To not make it so hard for us
I didn't think with my heart
Temptation

Why is the pull so strong?
It's only going to make me get it wrong
I resisted for so long

I was a child I know
The man in me wouldn't take it slow
You'd think I'd be smart enough
To not make it so hard for us
I didn't think with my heart
Temptation

 

 

The final recording was my solo song, so there wasn't a lot to do. I just had to do my best. I closed my eyes and simply sang how I felt about Aiden.

PILLAR OF STRENGTH

By Corey Snow

A path
A destination
A journey

Write the passages, turn the page.
Obstacles won't be your cage.
You breathe
Dive in
Determination lets you begin.
You're a pillar of strength.

Learning to deal the cards you play
But new steps don't always go your way.
Accept
Step back
Your self-worth won't turn to black.
You're a pillar of strength.

Haters move through your world, for sure.
Your heart's forgiveness is your cure.
You bend
You land
So that others can understand.
You're a pillar of strength.

Stand tall
Reach higher
Stand tall
Inspire.

Stand tall
Reach higher
Stand tall
Inspire.

Belief in yourself, know it now.
You can't deny, you don't know how.
Your truth
You share
So that family knows you care.
You're a pillar of strength.

You're my pillar of strength.

 

"Nice!" Charlie said. "That was awesome."

I smiled and looked at Aiden. His eyes were almost full of tears; I don't know how he contained them. He mouthed the words, "I love you" but didn't say them. I lightly nodded acknowledging that I understood.

"Okay guys. I'll work in the mixing booth tomorrow. I should be able to clean up any stray sounds and make sure all the levels are right. I have an 11 o'clock time slot. I'll make sure we all get flash drives. You can copy them from there."

"Thanks, Charlie. Thanks for everything. You've been awesome," I said. "I'm going to call them `The Freshmen Recordings."

"You know I'm a sophomore, right?"

"Yes. You can call it whatever you want. I'm just thinking for myself. It just sums up so much of this year."

We sincerely thanked Charlie for his time and expertise. He was equally as enthusiastic about having the opportunity to collaborate.

 

—

 

Thursday.

Zoey had her last final. "I feel I didn't do well," she said.

"Just wait until you get the results. Don't stress about what you don't know."

"That's just it. I felt I didn't know a lot on the test. I had a 2.8 GPA last semester. I don't think it will be as high this time. I'm scared, Corey. What if my parents don't send me back next fall?"

"Again, let's not work ourselves up over something that may never happen."

The next hour was spent loading up her car.

"This is it," she said.

She went in to check out with the office. When she came out, her expression was one that was not happy.

"I hate to leave you. I'd just be hanging out doing nothing while you prepared for your last final, but at least I'd be with you another day."

"I understand. Whether if it is today or tomorrow, we have to say goodbye."

"Please call me. Like all the time."

"I will," I said. Then I went in for the final kiss.

We embraced for a long time, then I knew I needed to let go. Zoey and I had found many things in common even though we had some differences as well. I liked her. I would miss her. I waved a final time as she drove away.

That night at dinner, our core group of friends met in the dining hall. It was our last night to do so.

"This don't feel right," Ace said.

"What do you mean?" Manny asked.

"This being the last meal. The dining hall already looks like half the campus is gone."

"Because they are," I said. "Only a minority have a final left."

"Some are just using tomorrow to pack up," Geoff said. "Like me. Us."

"I guess this is the appropriate time to say this then ..." Forrest started. He hadn't worn a patch in a few days. His face still looked scraped up and scabby and red, but it was slowly getting better. "I'm not really looking forward to leaving you all. I can't remember a time in my life when I've felt better."

"Your face is all torn up!" Ace said.

"That's just physical. I've never felt so ... at peace ... with me. I owe that to all of you."

"That's nice of you to say so," said Aiden.

"We enjoy your friendship," Donny said.

"I know what friendship actually is now. I used to think I was happy when I made fun of people. Belittled them. I suppose it somehow made me feel bigger to make others smaller. What an idiot."

"It's a good thing the real Forrest came out," Sam said. "We were happy to say goodbye to Slater."

"I just hope I don't slip up when I get home. I don't want to revert back."

"Just remember you don't have to pretend to be anything to anyone. This is you. Be you. Be proud to be you," Aiden said.

"I kind of am." Forrest tilted his head. "Want to hear something that makes me sound really dumb?" We all looked. "I've started praying to God, thanking Him for me meeting you guys."

"Aw. Forrest, that's like the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me," Emanuel said.

"I just might miss you the most, Manny," Forrest said. "Hell. I'm going to miss all of you. Every one of you."

"All of us have each other's numbers," I said. "And emails."

"Ace, is Beth gone?" Sam asked.

"Don't know. We broke up two weeks ago."

"You did!? Why didn't you say anything?" Geoff asked.

"Didn't matter."

"Your feelings always matter," his roommate said. "I'm sorry."

"Summer was comin'. Ain't no big deal. She said she couldn't promise she wouldn't see other guys over the summer. I felt it was her telling me that ... we weren't a thang. At least a long-term thang."

There was a murmur of "I'm sorry" along the table.

"That don't bother me as much as me ... not being at Dunne next year."

"You'll still see us," Aiden said.

"I hope. I really do hope. I want you guys to know I ain't leavin' `cause I didn't like being with y'all. That ain't it. I'm just ... sports is kind of me, kind of my thang." Ace buried his face in his hands. "I don't like this."

Geoff put his hand on Ace's shoulder. "We love you too."

Ace lifted his head and took a deep breath. "Right." He exhaled. "Well, ain't we a table full of pansies."

"Speak for yourself, loser. I'm totally macho butch," Donny joked.

The table roared.

"Did you and Aiden not want some candlelight dinner on your last night?" Sam asked.

"We're too broke for candlelight dinners," Aiden said.

"By the way," Geoff started. "I emptied the envelope today. I made it four months. The $400 was safe."

The table cheered.

We continued to eat. Most of us didn't know what to say during our last meal. A few people walked by and waved goodbye to us — or to those of us who knew them.

"I heard Cy being here next year was under review," Sam said. "I hope that's turned down."

"Yeah," Manny said. He was the last one to put down a fork.

Then we got quiet as we realized we were finished. Done.

Then we got sad.

As we took care of our plates for the last time, we all walked out zombie-like, as if in slow motion.

We stood in front of the dining hall as a group.

"I'll be leaving about the time you guys are taking your tests, so ... I guess I'll just say goodbye now," Sam said.

"Same here," Manny said.

It was a solid minute of fierce hugs.

"Love you, Manny," Geoff said.

"Whatever," Emanuel grumbled.

Donny gave Aiden a kiss, and then he headed to his dorm. They had tomorrow afternoon together.

The rest of us entered Dunne.

"I don't like this," Ace said. He and Geoff put their arms around each other.

Little by little, our group broke off and we all finally entered our rooms.

Aiden and I studied for our last test, but each of us felt a sense of loss.

 

—

 

Friday.

"Bingo!" Aiden said, bursting into the room.

"I take it you feel you did well?"

"Abso -freakin' – lutely."

"Fantastic."

Geoff walked in.

"I thought I heard both of you. I'm – I'm heading out."

"This is just so weird. Corey and I go back to our hometown together, but ... just not having all our friends around, it just seems ... empty," Aiden said.

"I get that. I know Ace will be happier with his jock friends, but I think he was torn up. His goodbye this morning was tough. On both of us."

"There's a tenderness under that hard exterior," I said.

"Speaking of hard ..." Geoff sheepishly said. "He let me give him a blowjob last night."

"WHAT!!??" Aiden and I screamed.

"We were all sad and mopey. He muttered something about not having sex in two weeks, and I just ... threw out ... an offer ... and ..."

"Get out! He really took you up on it?"

"As long as he didn't have to do anything and the lights were out, he muttered something like ... `a blowjob's a blowjob' ... and it ... just happened."

"I don't believe it," said Aiden.

"PLEASE don't let him know you know that. He'd die."

We stared at each other not wanting to have to say final words. The silence lasted too long.

"Okay. Gotta go."

Geoff hugged Aiden goodbye. Then he reached for me. "Goodbye ... roomie."

I kissed him on the cheek. "Bye."

Once Geoff had left, Aiden sat down. "This is really hard. I wish we had been the first to leave."

"I agree."

"This afternoon with Donny should be brutal."

"You'll get sex out of it probably."

"Just a blowjob."

"JUST a blowjob. You poor thing."

While Aiden was at Donny's for the afternoon, I worked on getting the final things packed. I didn't want everything visible in the back seat, but I crammed as much as I could into the trunk. With each box and bag that made it in the trunk, I wiped away tears. It seemed like I had a moment of weakness every day during the week. When I slammed the trunk for the final time, tears were streaming down my face. I wasn't doing a good job facing the end. I wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand, praying no one would see me being a total wimp.

As I waited for Aiden to get back, I strolled through Dunne. It seemed abandoned. There were a few guys around, but it didn't have anything like the usual feel. I didn't mind going back to Jackson Bend, but I already felt hollow. Last summer I was excited for college, but I had no idea how it would really make me feel. These friendships were my life. I was so incredibly lucky that I would at least get to see Aiden over the summer.

I took a walk. Notre Dame just seemed deserted. It still had students here and there, but it just wasn't the same. It was unsettling. I guessed that was the sign I needed to know it was time to go home.

Aiden got back to the room at about 4:30.

"So how was the blowjob?"

"Fine," he said. His bottom lip quivered. Then I saw my best friend burst into tears. He sobbed in front of me.

I jumped up. "Hey. What is it?"

"I FUCKING hate this! I feel sad that our friends are gone. I feel terrible that Donny and I won't be together. I already feel bad that you and I aren't going to room together. I – I – I just want to go back to last fall and start over."

"I understand," I softly said in a hug.

"I don't think the rest of the hall felt like this. Why is it hitting me so hard?"

"Because you became a man."

Aiden pulled back. "What?"

"You're a man now. You have stronger feelings. Deeper feelings. Both of us learned to love these people. They're important. Some of the students cared more about their studies. We learned to love our friends. In turn, they learned to love us back. We matured. We grew up."

"That's the first time you've ever called me a man."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You always call me a guy; you never call me a man."

"Well, you are. WE are, like it or not. Life dumps things on us."

Aiden looked up at "The Journey."

"I see you still haven't taken it down."

"No. It's the last thing to put in the car. Tomorrow."

"I have one last night to be in it."

"You will always be in it."

"You'll switch to Zoey. Or a woman or wife."

"YOU are my journey, Aiden. We're on it together. I couldn't do it without you."

"But I'll be with Donny next year."

"That doesn't matter. My best friend will always be in `The Journey.' You can come to my room if you ever want to see it."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

For the next hour, we carried some of Aiden's things to his car. We talked about what time we should leave in the morning, if we should have breakfast, what town to stop in for lunch, where we would need gas ... and yet neither of us probably remembered any of the decisions we made.

 

"Are you hungry?" Aiden asked.

"Not yet. I just don't know what to do. I suppose we could have driven home today."

"I wasn't ready." Tears flowed from Aiden again. "I don't want it to be over," he sobbed.

I held him. "Me too." My eyes welled.

"I thought I was all cried out," he sniffed. I felt him rub his eyes on my shoulder.

We stepped apart.

"You know, when we're seniors, we'll probable be all `I am so ready to blow this joint.' We'll be so ready to graduate," I said.

"Maybe. It's the first time in my life that I realized I hate goodbyes. I didn't feel it after high school. Leaving Jackson Bend, the only ones I really had to say goodbye to were my parents. You came with me. This is different."

"I know what you mean. Our high school friends were friends, but ... we lived with these guys. I'm terrified it won't feel the same next year. What if this was the best year and ..."

"... and now it's gone."

With nothing to do, we decided to walk. We noticed our parking lot had only a handful of cars. The weather was glorious, so we didn't talk. We just enjoyed spring. We appreciated the campus that was our home for the past year. When our stroll took us near the grotto, Aiden turned us.

"I can't think about it," he softly said. "I can't."

We went in another direction.

It wasn't close to sunset, but the sun was lower in the sky. The bright blue slowly transitioned into an evening indigo. How fitting that nature itself was bringing closure to our freshman year.

"How about we go all out and splurge on McDonald's tonight," Aiden suggested.

"Sounds good."

We walked arm-in-arm to the parking lot.

When presented the choice, we decided to take it back to the room instead of eating there. We wanted to cling to every last minute of being roommates as we could.

Instead of eating at our desks, Aiden sat in the middle of the room, leaning back against his bed. I joined him, leaning against mine. I looked at his name art on the wall. I would miss its subtle glow, an aura that illuminated the name of my best friend.

"Ooo," Aiden grunted, jumping up.

He reached into a box near the door. He pulled out a small candle inside a glass holder and a box of matches. Striking a match, he lit the candle and placed it between us. He turned out the light.

"Big Macs by candlelight," he proclaimed. It made me smile.

"Why do you even have a candle? Open flames are prohibited."

"I know. Back before Christmas, you were out with Patty and ... I was really farty one night ... and ... I just didn't want you to come back to a room that stank to high heaven. I rushed to Wal-Mart and bought this."

Corey laughed. "They sell Lysol."

"Yeah, but this was cheaper ... and continuous. Trust me, I was really farty."

I laughed again. In fact, I got the giggles, and Aiden caught it too. Just when we thought it was winding down, we started over again and laughed uncontrollably.

"You're such a good roommate," I finally said, regaining my composure.

"You too. We're the best roommates on campus."

"You think so?"

"I know it," Aiden said, determined.

"Why do you think it is?"

"We loved each other before we got here. Living together just made it more apparent why."

"I can see why you did so well in your Psychology class." I looked across the room at Aiden's face glowing in the flickering candlelight. "You really do bring out the best in me."

"For the life of me, I don't know why. I'm not sure how we ever became close."

"One weekend junior year, I came to stay at your place. I wanted to go with the other friends at the last minutes, remember?"

"Yeah. The `cool kids.'"

"I opened up to you about something that night. I can't even remember. I just remember how you made me feel. You let me know I could share anything with you. From that moment on, I have felt a comfortableness with you that I don't with anyone else."

"When I stayed with you following the tornado, that was it for me. I just knew I wanted to know you for my entire life. I never wanted you to slip away."

"I feel that way now."

"Think we are the closest friends on campus?" he asked.

"Possibly. Someone has to be, why not us?"

We both watched the candle's flame dance for a moment.

"This may sound really strange," I said. "But I don't mind saying it. Most people think of their spouse or partner as their soulmate, but ... you make me feel good about the world, Aiden. It's kind of dumb, since we can't be romantic and all, ... but you're my soulmate, Aiden. You always will be."

"It doesn't sound dumb at all. I've looked at you all year knowing you are my soulmate," he said.

"It's unfortunate."

"Why so?"

"Because I'm not gay. I can't romantically love you the way you deserve to be loved."

"I think being loved and accepted and encouraged by the best friend in the world makes for an ideal soulmate."

Aiden crawled a few feet over to me, making sure to not knock over the candle. His lips met mine, and I was glad to feel them pressed against me. Then he went back to his side.

His side of the room: a bed, a desk, my unfortunate soulmate and his name illuminated above him as if it was a sign from heaven.

Then he farted.

"You did that on purpose."

We got the mad giggles again, and he lifted the candle to clear the air.

I caught my breath. "You mean the world to me, Aiden."

"Think we make a difference to our friends?"

"I hope so. I know you do."

"Me?"

"Look at the change you made in Forrest's life."

"I just forgave him. He did all the work."

"You were the inspiration."

"We both showed Geoff and Manny support," Aiden said. "We even got beneath the tough exterior of Ace."

"Good `ol Presley."

"We WERE good friends, Corey. I'm sure they will all remember our dinners in the kitchen."

I moved over to sit next to him.

"Brady should remember you. You really helped him accept who he is. There are a lot of lives here you've impacted. You're an amazing person."

Aiden put his head on my shoulder.

"WE are amazing."

"Who cares if we aren't like everyone else."

For a few minutes, we just sat there. The illegal candle was our sole source of entertainment, yet we were just content to be.

Aiden leaned forward to crumple up our wrappers from McDonald's.

A text came in. It was from Sam.

"I'm home. It has been weird to unpack. I'm so glad I don't have to study for three months, but it won't be the same without you all."

Manny responded. "Halfway home. Staying with a cousin. Miss everybody. I hope my family doesn't freak out when they see me tomorrow."

"You look fabulous, you little spear of jicama," Geoff texted.

Emanuel texted a scowl emoji.

The texts stopped. We decided to call it a night.

"This place is like a ghost town," Aiden said, peeing in the urinal next to me.

"I know, right?"

Back in the room, we brushed our teeth. The room was only illuminated by the purple backlight of his name art and a sole candle in the middle of the floor. We stood there, painfully realizing this was the last night.

Very. Last. Night.

"Sleep with me," I said.

"Sure. Want to jack off?"

"Is the pope Catholic?"

"From what I hear."

Aiden reached for his remote to turn off the art. He picked up the candle and placed it on my desk.

"By candlelight," he softly said.

He stood before me. We hugged — for what seemed the millionth time this week, but it would never be enough.

He moved his hands down to grip the bottom of my T-shirt. I let him pull it up and over my head. I did the same. My knuckles grazed his skin as I moved the T-shirt up his torso.

His hands moved to my shorts. He unfastened them, unzipped them, spread them to where they slid over my rear and let them drop to the floor.

I repeated the steps.

We stood in our underwear.

"You just had sex with Donny this afternoon."

"Just a blowjob."

"You still came."

He shrugged. "I'm up for it again."

We smiled at each other and dropped our remaining piece of clothing. Each of us pulled off our socks. I crawled into bed first. He followed.

The candlelight shone over our heads enough to flicker flashes of light on our chests. On our navels. On our dicks.

Aiden's was longer than mine. As always.

Neither of felt like starting. Neither of us was hard.

He inched over to where his hip touched my hip; his leg touched my leg.

Aiden's penis moved. It began to lengthen. I watched it become a cannon.

"You will always make me hard, Corey."

"I love it that you can say that to me and that I feel good about it. I love that we share everything."

Aiden traced his erection with a finger. He made a promise to Donny not to cheat. I knew for Aiden that meant he couldn't touch me. Touch my cock. Feel my cock. Hold my cock.

Cocks.

Men.

Two men with cocks.

Male bonding.

We two men together clinging.
One the other never leaving.
Armed and fearless, eating, drinking, sleeping, loving.

My penis became a lead pipe.

I thought again about how different Aiden and I were than most friends. I was okay with that. I loved that we could share moments like this one. I felt as comfortable right then as I did sharing a hamburger with him. It was as if we were two halves of the same person.

He and Donny had just had oral sex. While it didn't gross me out, I never wanted a guy's penis in my mouth. But as I groped my rigid pole, for a second, I pictured it being pushed inside him. Connecting us. Our arms wrapped around each other. Our faces together. Joined. One.

One body.

One person.

One heart.

One soul.

I wasn't turned off by the thought of being inside him. If it were to happen, I'd just feel closer. But it couldn't happen because no matter what it might mean to me, it would be more than friendship to him, and he couldn't cheat on Donny.

"I hate the universe," I said, stroking my cock.

"Why?" he asked, stroking his cock.

"Because as much as I wish I could be, I can't be everything to you."

"You're enough. You'll always be enough."

He jerked his cock harder.

For some reason, I wished I could do it for him. He had done it for me in the past. I felt like I didn't hold up my end of the bargain. But there was no bargain. He was feeling sex. I was feeling love. I loved him so much. Just not in the right way.

We knew no one was on either side of our room. Aiden groaned a little. I moaned in return.

"I'm glad we can do this one last time," he panted.

"Me too. I love you."

"I love you too. I always will."

The candle illuminated pulling and cocks and stroking and hair and dicks and chests and balls and erections and ... love.

I gasped. "Ooohhhhoooo." My hips writhed. Aiden knew I was going to unload.

He put his hand in front of my dick. At first, I didn't understand until I realized that he knew he couldn't touch my dick, but he could touch my cum.

I was there. "UNGH!" I shot on his hand. "UNGH!" The second stream seemed more powerful. "Ungh! Ungh. Ungh." I felt it drip to my navel.

Aiden took his hand, splattered with me on it, and wrapped it around his dick.

"Fuck. Yeah." He moaned as he slid my cum up and down his big shaft. "Fuck. Corey."

It didn't take long.

His cum glistened in the candlelight when it fired up his chest. Aiden groaned and squirmed and his hips lifted ... until he gave a final gasp. His body was motionless. His dick reflected my cum when he let go. His chest was shiny in the candlelight.

We lay in silence. Just breathing. We didn't clean ourselves off. We shared the bond. I let my pinky touch his. He hooked his finger into mine.

"I'm so glad we did this," he whispered.

"Me too."

"I wish we could do it our whole lives."

"Me too."

"Your wife would probably have an issue with it."

"Probably not as much as your husband."

We both chuckled. We lay there. Silent. Sticky. Together. Friends.

Finally, he got up and reached for his cum rag out of a duffle bag. He wiped his chest, then gave my crotch attention.

"Want a washcloth?" he asked.

"Nah. I don't mind being slightly sticky."

"Me too."

He blew out the candle and got under the sheet with me.

He turned onto his side. My arm wrapped around his and pressed both of them to his chest. My leg crossed over his. I pushed my chest into his back. My face buried itself into his shoulder blade. My small penis pressed into his ass cheek.

"You're a perfect cocoon."

"I'm not perfect at anything," I disagreed.

"Yes, you are. You're the perfect best friend."

I kissed Aiden's shoulder with a soft peck. We lay there, wrapped together for one last night.

"You know, in the bible, David tells Jonathon, his best friend, that his love for him surpasses that of his love for women."

"Really?"

"Yep. 2 Samuel."

"Wow."

"You're my Jonathan, Aiden. I'm blessed to have you."

Aiden rolled toward me. His face craned toward mine. He gave me a kiss. I gave him a harder one.

"Good night, best friend," he said.

"Good night, soulmate," I said.

I was all cried out. I just felt his warmth and thought of nothing else. Not that it was our last night together. Not that we wouldn't room together ever again. Only him. Only us. Only now.

 

—

 

We had packed our clocks, so we didn't really know what time it was. We had nowhere to be. The sun was up, sending slivers of light through the blinds.

At some point in the middle of the night, we had turned. I was now in his arms. I felt a stiff dick pressed into my hip. I would have petted it, but Donny wouldn't have approved. Not that lying naked with his best friend would be high on his list. But he knew Aiden and I were exceptionally close. Donny just got to enjoy Aiden in all the ways I couldn't.

My hand gently caressed the hair on his leg. I rubbed it up and down as far as I could reach.

"Do we have to get up?" Aiden mumbled.

"Yeah. We should hit the road soon."

I grabbed my phone. It was 7:45. We had slept almost nine hours.

We both grabbed towels and toiletries.

As we walked to the shower room, we didn't hear a soul on our floor. We knew there still had to be a few, but they were either asleep or loading their cars.

I hung my towel; Aiden did the same. Each of us started the water. We stripped off our underwear and entered our showers. As I felt the hot water pour over my head and shoulders, I heard the shower curtain open. I looked to see Aiden entering. He didn't say anything. I didn't argue.

I saw his towel hung on top of mine, hugging it, holding it.

My best friend reached down and squirted some of my shampoo in his hand. He lathered up my hair; I steadied myself against the wall.

He didn't say anything. I didn't say anything.

As I rinsed the shampoo from my hair, I felt his hands spreading suds down my back.

He didn't say anything. I didn't say anything.

I felt more soap spread on my butt. The side of his hand entered my crack, and then a finger washed my hole. I didn't mind. I didn't argue. I didn't say anything.

His hands gripped each leg in a soapy vice, sliding up and down. I spread my stance further. While rinsing me off, his hands would graze the edge of my testicles.

While crouched, Aiden turned me around. He now saw me from the front, and I saw him. He wasn't hard; I wasn't hard. He didn't say anything. I didn't say anything.

My chest, arms and armpits were lathered up. He paused to run a finger along my scar. He fixated on it and gently rubbed it with gel. After he had rinsed me, his lips lowered to the scar and gently pressed against it.

Aiden lathered my crotch and rubbed his fingers through my bush and thoroughly washed my cock and balls. I wasn't hard. He wasn't hard. I didn't say anything. He didn't say anything.

I was completely clean.

I reached for his shampoo. I inhaled the scent of his designer brand. Aiden faced me as I shampooed his hair and washed his face. He held my hips to steady himself. I moved his head underneath the shower to rinse. Aiden's arms reached up, and he turned to wash the soap and suds from his face.

Repeating his steps, I washed his back, his butt, his legs.

He turned toward me again. My fingers spread, rubbing suds through his chest hair, his armpits and up and down his arms. I prolonged my touch as my fingers washed his.

For the first time, I touched Aiden's dick. Rubbing his crotch full of soapy suds, I knew it was the only other penis other than my own that I might touch in my entire life. I was okay touching it. It wasn't hard. I wasn't hard.

He was clean.

For the first time in the shower, we looked at each other. Our eyes spoke: love and pain and appreciation and torture. Our foreheads touched. I rubbed my nose alongside his and kissed him. He kissed me back.

We heard a toilet flush and knew someone else was in the shower room. We didn't care. We figured they wouldn't know two people were in one shower. We held each other in a hot, wet embrace. It was our goodbye. The water poured over our shoulders and necks. We were alone again and didn't want to let go. Aiden could feel my body vibrate as I began to cry. I squeezed him tighter and sobbed as quietly as I could. His arms comforted me around my back. Our chests were touching; our dicks were touching; our hearts were touching.

I broke us apart and turned off the water.

"Thank you," he softly said. He traced a finger down my scar, and then turned to open the curtain. He handed me my towel, and he stepped out.

Both of us were completely dry. Figuring we would be alone, we walked down the hall with just towels wrapped around us.

Back in the room, we tossed our dirty clothes and towels in our laundry bags.

Pulling "The Journey" off the wall, I carefully placed the two figures into the bag of carved objects. I sighed, laying it on the sheets and carefully folding them around the art to protect it.

Aiden did the same with his name art.

"I guess that's it," I said.

We hugged.

"Number 197," he said.

"What?"

"That's the 197th hug you've given me since we started school."

"You kept count?"

"Hey, you've known I was weird since junior high."

I put my hand on his head and pressed it into my cheek.

"It seems like we should get it up to 200. You know, just to be even."

We each carried two boxes stacked on each other and put them in the back seats of our cars. Back at the room, we hugged before the next trip. Duffle bags were placed in front of the boxes.

In our last time in the room, we looked thoroughly — every drawer, every plug, behind the closet doors. We were truly done.

We hugged in our room for the final time.

We each picked up our wall hanging, taking one last glance at the bare bed, bare desk and the stark emptiness of our room.

After placing the final objects in our backseats, we went into the office and turned in our keys. We were checked out.

It was over. We were done.

At our cars, I hugged him one final time.

"200."

"It'll be okay," I said. I kissed him on the lips.

We got in, backed out, and pulled out of the parking lot to begin the drive home.

 

 

Epilogue

One Week Later – Group Texts

Emanuel Gonzales
"For three days, my abeula has tried to stuff food down me. I have resisted. She thinks I look sickly. The rest of my family was impressed. My mother says I look very handsome."

Forrest Slater
"I'm so happy for you. You are a true inspiration."

Geoff Hampton
"You're a rock star, Manny!"

 

 

Ace Barto
"Bored! Missing you guys. Not missing classes though."

Sam Riddle
"Amen to that! Both. I wish we could be at one of Corey's dinners."

Corey Snow
"Drive on over. I'll whip us up something."

 

 

Forrest Slater
"I'm not sure why I am telling you this, but I can tell you guys stuff. My older brother is in jail. I'll spare you the humiliating details. He's guilty. That's one less jerk at home. Everyone here thinks I'm a real badass for how my face looks. If they only knew how scary it was two weeks ago."

Donny Bamford
"You're still a catch no matter what you look like. And you look great."

 

 

Geoff Hampton
"Got a job. Believe it or not, it's at our church. Maybe that will keep me in line. Ha."

Corey Snow
"Stay strong, Geoff. Keep the faith."

Aiden Dressel
"Save a ton for next fall. Corey likes to go out for milkshakes a lot."

Corey Snow
"Hey. Don't tell him everything."

Geoff Hampton
"Works for me."

 

 

Corey Snow
"I'm attempting something. I'm trying not to sit around and be lazy. If all goes well, I want to carve each of you something for when we get back to ND."

Donny Bamford
"Wow. That's a lot. We aren't worthy of your talents."

Sam Riddle
"They're sure to be worth a million dollars one day."

Corey Snow
"Probably if I'm dead."

 

 

Geoff Hampton
"Is it pathetic that I listen to my song every day?"

Ace Barto
"I like it too. All the songs are great."

Corey Snow
"They are! My friend Trent who has written songs for plays was very impressed."

Aiden Dressel
"So were my parents. They think I'm like this whole mature grown-up now."

Sam Riddle
"You sure have them fooled."

Aiden Dressel
"Bite me."

 

 

Sam Riddle
"I won't call him my step-dad, but I'm getting along with Mom's husband fairly well. They were only married for two months before I left for school. He seems to be an okay guy. It looks like he is picking up the slack for what my aunt paid in tuition. I even got a little inheritance."

"Which I can't touch until I'm 25. Grrr."

Ace Barto
"You'd blow it on junk food and women at school next year."

Sam Riddle
"Beer!"

 

 

Forrest Slater
"Most of the dried, red crap is off my face. It looks fairly normal. Got a job in an office in town. Kind of a paid intern thing. I'm helping accountants."

Corey Snow
"Accountants? How horrible!"

Forrest Slater
"Why?"

Corey Snow
"My dad's one."

Forrest Slater
"There's a girl intern in the next office. She thinks I'm nice. I like her."

Sam Riddle
"Rowr. Go get `em, tiger."

 

 

Manny Gonzales
"Arizona is stupid hot already. I miss school. I miss you guys. I miss Dunne."

Geoff Hampton
"Come stay with me for the summer."

Manny Gonzales
"I wish. My grandmother continues to try to make me eat more. She doesn't like me thin. I've lost two more pounds since being home."

Donny Bamford
"Don't disappear completely! We want you back."

Geoff Hampton
"Love you, Manny!"

Manny Gonzales
"Love you too, Geoff."

 

 

* * * *

 

And with bittersweet sadness comes the closure of this book. I appreciate you coming along with me and our freshmen boys.

I have a lot to share on the blog, as well as if we might see them again. Look for the post "Corey and Aiden: The Final Night" on timothylane414stories.blogspot.com

Email is always welcome. timothylane414@gmail.com