Thank you for the support of my work. I appreciate it when readers send feedback. As my first story posted in the "College" category, A Bed, A Desk and My Unfortunate Soulmate has been very enjoyable to write.

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As a reminder, Chapter 1 was told from Aiden's perspective. This one is from Corey's. The chapters will alternate through their freshman year.

 

 

2 – September

Corey

Aiden and I had differing schedules on Tuesdays/Thursdays. I worked on lyrics in the room last night. I tried to put them to music this afternoon.

A knock came at the door. I answered.

"I heard ya playing," Ace said. "I knew you were here. Geoff and I are grabbing pizza tonight and wondered if you and Aiden might wanna join us."

"Nice," I said. "I think Aiden has a date though."

"Well, the three of us can go."

"Sure."

"By the way, the walls are thin. You have a really good voice."

"Yikes. I didn't know I was so loud."

"You're not. I can just hear."

"Really? I don't hear you guys. Well, I do when football is on."

"Yeah. I love my football. I played in high school."

"Cool."

Ace looked at the keyboard. "Play something for me."

"Nahhh," I said, putting it away.

"Whoa. Don't let me stop ya."

"I was just working on something. It's not ready. I don't want to share it yet."

"Songwriter, musician, singer, sculptor — you are quite the talent."

"And you haven't seen me in the kitchen. I'm a dang good chef. For a little while, I thought about pursuing that as a career."

Ace looked blank. "Hmm. Gosh, Corey. I kinda feel like a nobody around you."

I was stunned. "What? Me? I'm not anybody."

"Aiden told me you were valedictorian. You're a freaking handsome blond. Talent is just oozing from your armpits ... gotta say, man, you are livin' the dream."

But I wasn't living the dream. None of those things he listed seemed to matter. Aiden had started seeing Donny in the first three weeks of school. I was nowhere even close to meeting a girl. I knew I hadn't tried very hard, but I felt I held back. Since arriving, something seemed weird with me. What was I afraid of?

"What time tonight?" I asked.

"Does 6:30 work?" Ace answered.

"Sounds like a plan."

Shortly after Ace left, I grabbed my carving. I always sculpted outside because of the tiny shavings. The weather was so nice; I loved that it wasn't too chilly yet, but the hot days were subsiding.

I had found "my tree" that I leaned against while carving. I could still detect a few shavings sifted in the grass from last time. I stared at my piece of wood. I seemed to just be carving for carvings sake. I wasn't inspired. It was more therapy than art. I sort of felt lost with it.

Hm.

In those seconds, I was inspired. My work would be titled "Lost." I looked at my smoothed work and began to visualize how I wanted the forms to go. I hadn't brought out the tools to make major changes, but I did carve into some areas that I knew I could accomplish some progress with what I had. In those moments, I felt soothed. Time slipped away.

Off in the distance, I saw Aiden entering the main doors to Dunne. I hadn't realized how late in the afternoon it had become. I gathered my things.

Minutes later, I entered our room. I noticed Aiden shirtless. He was reaching for what the two of us would call a "nicer" shirt.

"Date, huh? Where are you and Donny going?"

"Movie. We haven't decided which one yet."

"Okay. Ace and Geoff invited us to join them for pizza, but I told them you had plans."

Aiden looked troubled for a moment.

"Did you tell them I was dating a guy?" he asked softly.

"No. I think I said you had a date, but that's all."

"'K."

"You all right?" I asked, still unsure of his expression.

"Yeah. I ..." He stopped talking. "I'm just ... trying to figure out my way here. I guess."

"Well, we should start a club because I'm kind of floundering too."

Aiden walked over and put his arms around me. I held him for several seconds.

"You're awesome, Corey. And I've got your back."

I squeezed harder. "Ditto."

Aiden walked to the mirror to check his look. He moved his hair with his hand in self-examination. His hands pressed his shirt against his stomach.

"You look good."

"Thanks. Tonight ... after the movie, I'm kind of hoping ..."

"Hoping?"

"More than kissing."

"Ah."

 

—

 

Rocco's was fairly full, but we were able to get a table right away. Had we been ten minutes later, we probably would have had to wait.

Geoff and Ace mostly concentrated on the pepperoni pizza, but they had tried at least one slice of my sausage, green pepper and mushroom. One of them wasn't a "big fan" of mushrooms. The other didn't care for peppers. But they tried it. I probably should have selected something we all liked. I kind of felt like a dick for choosing something just for my tastes, but I was paying for it, so ... I was going to enjoy it.

"So, Aiden's date," Ace started. "Have ya met this girl?"

Crap. I wasn't going to out Aiden to our friends. That wasn't my place.

"We haven't been introduced yet."

"Well, good for him for finding someone so quickly," Geoff said.

"Have ya been out with anyone?" Ace asked me.

"No. Not yet," I answered, thinking it came out louder than it actually did.

"Me neither," said Geoff.

"I went out with a girl named Bonnie twice," said Ace. "The second time was Milkshake Mass. She suggested another mass service. I ended it there. I need my dates to be a little more fun."

"By dates, do you mean the girl or the activity?" I asked.

"Both, I `spose," said Ace.

Ace's preferences made me doubt myself again. Would I be a fun date? Now that I was in college, did girls expect more? As an adult, was I supposed to act a certain way? Suddenly, I felt fourteen.

"Do you guys feel peer pressure now that we're in college?" I asked. "I mean, how much do you think girls expect a guy to spend on a date? For some reason, I'm kind of second-guessing myself."

But I didn't think that was it. I was second-guessing more than money. Would I ... live up to a girl's expectations? Would they expect more "experience"? Would I be a wimp romantically?

"Well, if they expect you to shell out big every time, then that's not the girl you should go after," said Geoff.

"I'm considering getting a job," I said. "Just a few hours a week, maybe ten or twelve. That would give me some cash."

"As good lookin' as ya are, all they'll want to do is make out with you, Corey. You have no worries," said Ace.

But I did. I had no confidence. I was supposed to be some "catch;" I just didn't feel it.

Geoff and Ace finished the pepperoni pizza. I had my two final slices boxed up.

Back at the room, with Aiden gone, I got my reading for tomorrow's eight o'clock done. I found it dry, but I underlined a few things that should help me in any discussion or if I'm asked any questions.

Aiden opened the door at 9:40.

"How was the movie?"

"Fine. Actually, it was good."

"... but??"

"We just kissed good night outside his dorm."

"Ah. Well, ... I hope it was still an enjoyable evening."

Aiden flopped on his bed and pulled his shirt off.

"It was. I guess."

"I just had pizza and then studied for over an hour. There's a slice left if you want."

"Thanks."

Aiden didn't mind that it was cold. He could have heated it up in the common area, but he just chewed on it at room temperature.

"Ace and Geoff asked if I had met your girlfriend yet, but I didn't clarify."

Aiden sighed. "It probably doesn't make much of a difference anyway. I came to college wanting to be myself. I wanted to be open and out and ... doing more than I am with Donny."

"I'm sorry. At least you're dating. That's better than the three of us."

"Maybe," he muttered with a mouthful of crust and mozzarella.

Aiden kicked off his shoes. I didn't know what would make him feel better, other than a blowjob that he didn't get on his date, and that wasn't my territory.

Neither of us were in the mood to stay up late. With an early class, I was ready to turn in. With our teeth brushed and clothes put in their proper baskets, we moved together for our nightly hug. He held me longer tonight. I wondered what Ace and Geoff would think if they walked in and saw two guys in their underwear hugging. It all seemed fine to me. But that only made me feel even more that I wasn't like other people.

Aiden hit the lights. His name art glowed purple, but he reached for his remote to dim it to almost nothingness. The slightest of illumination allowed us to walk around the room without bumping into anything.

My insecurities kept me up for a while. I had been in college only a month, and I seemed to be floundering personally. My self-doubt was keeping me awake. It had been about forty minutes. Aiden must have assumed I was asleep. I could barely hear him, but he was lightly moaning. It was more like heavy breathing. I opened my eyes just the slightest bit. With my eyes adjusted to the darkness, the hint of violet made his fist bobbing under the sheet visible enough.

Back in high school, we had jacked off a few times together. I didn't think much of it. At least until the night he kissed me. I freaked out on him. I almost walked away from our friendship because of the awkwardness. Thankfully Laramie helped me to not overthink it. Now, we are closer than ever. I wondered if he would ever want to jack off together again. Or was that "kid stuff"?

His breathing got heavier in his throat. He wasn't loud. Had I been asleep, it would have been imperceptible. His breathing boarded on panting. I could see him pull down the sheet. There was his dick I remembered. It was bigger than mine. I felt the whole world had a bigger dick than I did. Man, that bugged me. He was yanking it so hard. He lifted his hips and shot cum on his chest. I didn't know why I was even watching. It felt invasive. I couldn't really make out the cum. A brief flash of one spurt caught the light. I just saw his fist working overtime.

Aiden breathed out. He was still.

I saw him lift his head to look at his chest. He flopped his head back down. He had no tissue or sock or rag or anything.

"Fuck," he whispered.

He wiped his hand through it all. He smeared his hand on the sheet at the side of the bed down by his leg. He made a second swipe.

We totally needed to do laundry.

My own dick was hard as a rock.

 

—

 

"I miss you too, Laramie," I said. "I'm not sure when I'll be home, but I won't wait too long. Yeah, I love you too. Put Dad back on."

Aiden watched me from across the room. He made a slight wave.

"Before I forget, Aiden says, `hi,'" I told my father. Looking at my roommate, I said, "Dad says `hey' back. He says he misses us."

Both of them wished me "Happy birthday" one more time. I thanked them.

I wrapped up the call.

I looked at the card that arrived from Emory and Don that afternoon. I stood it with the others on my desk.

"Dude, look how many cards you got."

"Mostly from relatives," I said. "It's just a handful really."

"I'll be lucky to get one from my parents," he said. He thought about the phone call. "Your dads are so cool."

"They may come up in two weeks," I told Aiden.

"Awesome. I love your family."

"Eh. They're okay. They are just like everyone else." I paused and reflected for a moment. "Well ... my dad sleeps with another man, soooo ... maybe not everyone."

Aiden laughed.

"I bet they are so hot in bed," he said to himself.

"Ew. I don't even want to think about that."

Aiden laughed harder. "Sorry. I didn't think you'd hear me say that."

"Did I ever tell you I heard them having sex one time?"

"I remember! Tell me everything all over again."

"Ugh. No. But I was ... a junior. I think. I came downstairs for something in the kitchen. I heard groaning. I stepped closer to their door and ... then it was very obvious."

"What were they saying?" Aiden's eyes were very wide.

"I'm not going to tell you that. Gross. To be honest, I don't remember. I just ... blocked it out."

Aiden leaned back against the wall. "Man. Just thinking about your dads making love gets me hard."

"Stop! You're demented."

"So, would it be worse to hear your mom?"

"Gah!!! YUCK! Don't even say such things." I stuck my fingers in my ears and sang "La-la-la-la."

Aiden was all giggles. He was enjoying tormenting me. Curiously, I could tell he had a hard-on though. He always thought Dad and Laramie were hot.

"We totally need to drop this conversation. That night weirded me out. Slightly. But ... a tiny bit of me felt good knowing how much they loved each other. It took me a while to realize that."

"I hope to find that one day," Aiden said.

I changed the subject to cheeseburgers. He was taking me out for my birthday.

"I'm sorry it is all I can do. I don't have a gift or anything."

"I think it's nice. I appreciate it."

"I can always give you a blowjob."

"Pass!"

 

—

 

We used a laundry facility off campus because so many people tried to do their laundry on the weekend. One was across from the burger place, so that had given us a head start while we were eating.

I loved my fabric softener. Putting away my clothes smelled extra fresh. Since making our ground rules on our first night, Aiden and I had kept our commitment to a clean room. While walking down the hall, I could occasionally see into a couple of rooms that were totally wrecked in just mere weeks. As weird as I had been feeling lately, I was at least proud of that.

Or should I have been? Was it just one more thing to make me feel different? Surely not every guy in college was a slob.

"I'm going out with Donny tonight. Just dinner. We're trying not to blow a lot of money just doing things to do something. Besides, maybe tonight ..."

I looked at him. I wasn't going to say anything.

"That's free," he smiled.

Aiden seemed to want sex more than I did. It wasn't that I didn't have such feelings. They just didn't seem right to me. Was that Mom talking in my head?

"I know what you mean about blowing money. I can't eat out too much. I feel that the two of us have been pretty responsible."

"Your father is an accountant and investor. Maybe his expertise with money has rubbed off on you," Aiden said.

"He's always been good at teaching me about handling money."

"What about your mother? Did she teach you stuff?"

"Only how to not have fun."

"What?"

"That's mean," I sighed. "I shouldn't have said that. She just stressed so much about avoiding drugs and alcohol and sex and ... wasn't keen on me even dancing."

Aiden looked at me blankly. He seemed lost in trying to figure out what to say.

"Corey, do you want to do those things?"

"No! I mean ... no. I tried a beer once and hated it. Drugs never tempted me. But I am sure that was because I didn't hang with the cooler kids. I was okay with that in high school, but now..."

Something in my voice concerned Aiden. He came and sat next to me.

"Are you saying ... you want to try drugs now?"

"No. Oh, no." I wanted to ask Aiden a question but was afraid to. He put his hand on my arm because he could tell something was on my mind. "Remember our first night here, we promised not to lie to each other?" I asked.

"Yeah," Aiden said cautiously.

"Our senior year, when we were at Manuel's house ... you went off with a few guys in the backyard. You smoked pot with them."

"Yeah."

"You didn't ask me to join you. Did you think I was too lame to do it?"

"No. That wasn't it. Is that what you thought?"

"Yeah. You're not lying, are you?"

"No. I swear."

"It kind of hurt."

Aiden hugged me. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you felt that way."

I held him firmly. I wasn't sure why that memory surfaced. Maybe all my insecurities were bringing up stupid feelings from the past.

"Corey, that's a knife in my heart. I'm so, so sorry. I would never want to hurt you."

"It's okay," I lied. It took two weeks before I even talked to Aiden after that. I finally let it go, but I didn't forget it.

"If it makes a difference, I can't say I really liked it. I felt ... different. I didn't think it was necessarily good. Just different. Then I became so self-conscious in how bad it smelled, I don't think you could call it a high."

I laughed. "You never did it again?"

"I didn't have any desire to. I can't say I would never do it again. Maybe if I was with the right people in the right place, but it doesn't have an allure for me. It smells."

 

—

 

Aiden checked his appearance in the mirror one last time.

"I'm off."

"Have fun with Donny."

Soon, I was alone. I contemplated carving. Or writing song lyrics. Or studying (briefly, but ... no). I had no idea what to do with myself.

A rap came at the door. I answered it. It wasn't a big surprise that it was Ace, but I wasn't expecting him.

"'sup?" he asked.

"Aiden is on a date. I'm not sure what I want to do."

"Same here. Geoff is finally going out with a girl. She looked pretty from what I could tell."

"Good."

"Want to grab a bite?"

For some reason, fast food was the last thing I wanted. I reflected back on the day when I actually cooked for Mom and Dad at their houses.

"Um. Do you mind if I cook us something?"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. I'm in the mood. Let's hit the grocery store."

Forty minutes later, I was cooking up a chicken stir-fry in the common kitchen area.

"Dude, that smells awesome."

"Well, it should be healthier."

"I'm sure. I still work out on the basketball court several days a week, picking up with other players, but I know I could be better."

"I feel my jeans getting a little snug. Clearly, I am putting on a few pounds."

"Don't worry. Ya look like a god," Ace complimented.

"I don't feel like a god," I muttered, stirring in some snow peas.

"I hear ya."

"Oh?"

Ace let out a big sigh. As I added a bit more sauce, Ace said, "I was top dog at my high school. On the basketball team. I really wanted to receive a scholarship. But ... I didn't get a free ride. There are much better players on the team. I'm not what I was. I still enjoy playing, but I can tell basketball isn't my future."

"Didn't you receive some financial aid or something?"

"Yep, but no full scholarship."

I thought about Ace's words. I felt a little the same. I had direction in high school. Here, I had been adrift for weeks. Why did I feel different about myself?

"So, is Aiden getting serious with this chick?" Ace said to change the subject.

"Uhh... I don't think I know the answer. He'd like to take things further. You know..."

"Sex? They haven't fucked?"

I hated it when my friends cussed. I wasn't sure why. I never heard it growing up in my home. When Laramie cussed, it didn't bother me. It was weird how I could box in traits and approve them for some people and not others.

"Well ... he is hoping to be more intimate."

"She's holding out on `im."

I shrugged, not knowing how to keep the conversation going. I didn't feel I could talk knowledgably on the topic.

"Geoff confided that he isn't planning on hopping into bed anytime soon. I think he'd like to make out, but his upbringing was pretty strict. I'm not sure if he'll hold out for marriage, but he isn't in a rush. He confided in me a few days ago."

"It's nice that he trusts you in that way."

"Yeah. I `spose. We don't tell each other a lot of personal stuff."

"Aiden and I have been friends for so long. We can tell each other anything."

"Cool."

"I take it your attitude doesn't align with Geoff's?"

"Nah. Don't get me wrong. I don't hold anything against him. It's like a Catholic school and everythang."

"Right."

"I'm sure everyone has their own wants and path to take. I'd just like some tits in my hands. I haven't fucked a girl in a few months."

And I had never done any-thing. King virgin. I had only kissed. I had never even touched a girl sexually. That made me feel more like a zero. But then I thought that it was exactly what Mom would want of me. The truth was, I didn't even know what I wanted. Mr. Lost.

Our conversation stopped when I plated up our meals.

"Whoa. That smells fantastic," someone I didn't know said as he walked through.

"Thanks," I smiled.

"Way better than the burrito I will probably be farting off all night."

"Dude!" Ace snickered. "Have you met Corey?"

"Nope." The young man extended his hand. "Hi, I'm Sam."

I set down my fork to shake his hand. "Nice to meet you, Sam."

"Well, I've got a date for an 8 o'clock movie. I better get ready."

The two of us sighed. "Everyone has a date," we moaned in unison.

 

—

 

At 9:20, our door opened. It was Aiden. I wasn't expecting him to come back so soon.

"You're earlier than I thought you'd be."

"Yeah." He didn't look happy.

"Did things not go well?"

"I don't know." He looked me in the face. "I like him, Corey. I do. I think he'd be a great boyfriend, but ... I'm feeling pushed away."

"What happened? Uh ... if you want to talk about it."

He sat on his bed and buried his face in his hands. "You sure?" he said into his palms.

"I'm here." I sat next to him.

He nudged my shoulder. "Thanks."

"We enjoyed each other's company. Burgers and fries, that kind of thing. He asked me up to his room. He said his roommate had gone home for the weekend. `Finally!' I thought. It was ... really nice. We kissed for a while. Then I pushed him down and rolled on top of him. We made out, sucked face. I was hard and started pressing my crotch into his. That went on for a few minutes. It felt great. Then he rolled over and was on top of me."

"Were you guys still dressed?" I asked.

"Yeah. But we could tell each other was hard. I felt him push his dick into my body. We just kind of ... grinded. He started breathing hard. I clutched his ass and pushed his crotch harder into me. He started gasping and then ... stopped. Everything."

I wasn't sure what to say. That was a little personal, but I still listened. Aiden looked me in the eyes.

"He finally sighed and said he had come in his pants."

"Oh."

"I tried to go with it. I unbuttoned his pants, unzipped them, pulled them down and licked all the cum of his dick and bush that I could. For that moment, it was hot."

"Oh. Wow." There wasn't any expression in my response. I had no idea what to say to all that.

"When I had licked him for a minute or so, he moved me off him. He pulled up his clothes. He said he should get out of the sticky underwear. I nodded but thought he could wait until I got off." Aiden paused. "Then he said, `Is it okay if I'm alone for a while.' He didn't say the words exactly, but his eyes pleaded for me to leave."

"Aiden, I'm sorry. I know that wasn't how you wanted it to turn out."

"Fuck no. I mean, I didn't get to come. I liked his dick, but he all but hid it from me shortly after he blew his load."

"This ... this really isn't my comfort zone," I meekly uttered.

"I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't unload my shit on you."

"Don't cuss. Just know I am always here for you. I may not know what to say or do..." I wrapped my arms around him and held him. "But I'm here. I'll have your back. I will listen."

"Because you are an awesome best friend."

Between those words and my successful stir fry, I felt a touch better about myself. I felt bad for Aiden though. I still hadn't wrapped my head around several of my friends being so comfortable with sex — and I frustratingly wasn't — but I could tell he was hurt. I squeezed him tight. He squeezed back even tighter.

We didn't say anything else the next hour. I got ready for bed at an embarrassingly early 10:15.

I hugged Aiden good night. "I'm sorry your date didn't go the way you wanted. And I'm sorry I don't know the right thing to say."

"Trust me, you're awesome," he said, letting go. "I love you."

I didn't feel awesome. I felt helpless. I didn't know how to make my friend feel better. "Love you too."

I crawled into the sheets. Aiden lowered the lights, but he sat at his desk staring into the illumination on his tablet.

I was tired for some reason, and I knew I would fall asleep soon. The last thing I remembered was realizing that we told each other we love them. It wasn't in a romantic way. We were close, but we had never said that. Maybe that would make him feel better. I always liked hearing it from my family.

 

—

 

I rummaged around the room just enough to stir Aiden from his sleep.

"ut-time-sit?" he mumbled.

"Nine. I'm going to church services this morning."

"Really?"

"Yeah. How do you feel?"

"Half asleep, but when I fully wake up, last night will probably hit me."

I walked to the mirror to comb my hair. Aiden slogged out of bed.

When I turned, he held out his arms, and I walked into his hug. We silently held each other.

"It's going to be okay." Then I lightly kissed him on his lips.

Aiden jumped back. "What was that?"

"Sorry. Mom and Daryl do that all the time before leaving the house. It's like they are saying, `Have a good day' or `Everything's all right.'"

More likely it was to say, "I love you," but they usually said that.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it. I'm not sure why I did. It was a reflex. I'm sorry."

"You're sure you're not bi? ... or curious?"

"I'm sure. Again, I'm sorry. That was my mistake."

All through the church service I obsessed over the simple, quick peck. I had no conscious thoughts of doing that beforehand. It just happened. Was it weird? Did I freak Aiden out? It reminded me of the kiss he gave me in high school. I freaked out and worried I had given him mixed signals. Now I knew I probably was. Why was I so weird? I just wanted him to feel okay. Was I a good roommate, or was I a problem?

I didn't feel bad about the kiss. I just hoped he was okay. Dang, I messed up. I didn't hear a single word the minister said. At least I enjoyed the song service.

Affection never bothered me.

I opened our dorm room door at 11:20. Aiden was sitting on his bed staring at his phone.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," I said back.

We were quiet for a minute. I sat next to him.

"I want to apologize."

He looked at me but didn't respond to what I said.

"I should have asked if that was okay before I did it. I don't even know why I did it. It ... just seemed like what an adult would do."

"Adults who are a couple. We're not a couple, Corey."

"I know."

"I mean, I'd love that, but ... you're not gay."

"Right." I looked at him. "But I did mean it when I said I wanted you to feel everything was going to be okay."

"Doubtfully. I texted Donny twice. He hasn't responded."

 

—

 

Donny didn't reply to Aiden on Monday.

Donny didn't reply to Aiden on Tuesday.

Donny didn't reply to Aiden on Wednesday.

He decided not to text him on Thursday. He felt ghosted. As I grabbed my textbook for my 9 o'clock, Aiden looked at me. "Can you tell me it's going to be okay?"

"It's going to be okay. I promise."

"Can you kiss me again?"

I did. Short. Simple. A peck.

"Have a good day," I said as I moved through the doorway.

We kissed again Friday. It wasn't romantic; it was friendly. It was followed with "Bye."

I seemed lost with everything in life. Except Aiden. I knew he was my best friend. I didn't want him to hurt.

 

—

 

That evening, Geoff came by after our last classes and asked if the two of us wanted to join them for pizza. We agreed.

Aiden went next door first. When I walked in, a funky smell hit me immediately. I looked at my roommate, who nodded in agreement.

"Dudes! Your room ... smells!" I looked around. There was trash and dirty clothes strewn everywhere. "It smells like sock and chips and underwear and armpits and sex."

Why on earth did I say that? Like I knew what sex might smell like? I was embarrassed for having said it.

"Well, there ain't no sex happening in here," Ace said.

"Seriously. Invest in some Febreze," I announced.

"I guess we could clean up some," Geoff said.

"The only person getting' some is Aiden," Ace said, returning to my stupid comment.

"Not really. I guess we've kind of broken up."

The guys turned to my roommate. "Sorry, man," Geoff said.

"I know. I thought he'd make a great boyfriend, but I guess he didn't want me."

Booom! Aiden came out to them. Just like that. No dramatic announcement or confession. He just said it, like it was just everyday talk. I worried what their reaction might be, but I was immediately proud of him.

"Ohhh," Geoff and Ace said in unison. They immediately didn't know what else to say.

Our two friends looked at each other. They tried to conceal their shock, but they did a poor job of it. Luckily Aiden was looking down.

Geoff put his hand on Aiden's shoulder. "Ready?"

"Yeah. I'm hungry."

 

—

 

Aiden's phone rang. I typically would have let it go, but I noticed it was his father. I decided to answer.

"Hey, Mr. Dressel. It's Corey. Aiden's in the shower down the hall."

"Hi, Corey. Well, it's good to know he isn't sleeping in until noon on a Saturday."

"How are things in Jackson Bend?"

"Good. The same. Busy at work. As you know, the town seems more crowded when the university here is in session."

"Do you regret that we didn't go to W. Travis?"

"No. I'm a Notre Dame alum. I'm pleased Aiden is there."

"I see."

"I'll call back later." His response seemed abrupt.

"Do you want me to give him a message?"

"No. I'll call later."

"Do you want me to tell him you miss him? Or love him?"

"Uh." It almost sounded like he didn't know what to say. "I'll call him back later. Just let him know I called."

We hung up. I was in shock. I'm not sure why that moment threw me, but it did. Big time. My father would tell me he loved me a million times a day if I didn't complain about it. Aiden had always indicated his family wasn't warm and fuzzy, but — man! For some reason I felt angry.

Three minutes later, Aiden walked into the room just wearing a towel.

"Your dad called," I said blankly. "He said he would call back later."

"Oh. Okay."

Aiden dropped his towel.

We had seen each other naked numerous times. Several here at college and our jack off sessions in high school. People said I was really handsome even though I didn't necessarily see it. It seemed like I had too many imperfections. But Aiden's body was better than mine. His stomach was a little flatter, although neither of us worked out. Maybe we should. His dick was bigger than mine. A lot. It hung almost four inches limp. Mine was ... nothing. If I were gay, no guy would ever want my cock.

He slipped on briefs and wriggled a university T-shirt over his head.

We were going to try working part-time. We needed to leave shortly for our first shift at the Center for Culinary Excellence. They allowed us to work on Saturdays and then one evening shift during the week. That would give us a little cash.

I had no idea what working there would be like. I'd love to be preparing dishes for catering, but my guess was that it would primarily be lugging boxes and unloading trucks. I had no idea. The CCE was very student friendly though.

"Let's do this," he said, now fully dressed.

The fall morning was wonderful. We could easily walk without working up a sweat. Maybe we would during work; I had no idea. However, spending cash was going to be nice. Fast food was burning through my expendable dough more quickly than I had planned. Dad had always taught me how to handle money well. I thought I had resisted some frivolous expenditures other friends were doing from time to time. I was okay, but ... yeah, extra money in the wallet would be nice.

The Dressels came from more money than I did. Aiden never really seemed stressed over cash. I think his father transferred some money into his account here each month. Not that it was any of my business.

My thoughts drifted back to when Mitchell cheated on Dad. We moved into a small apartment all those years ago. It seemed like we had so little. Dad had let Mom keep everything in the house. We just had basic furniture when we started over. Well, when he started over. I only got to see him every other weekend. Man, that seemed ages ago. Now I realized that Dad just needed time to get things into place. I knew some big bonuses helped us get the house, but Dad was just smart. I didn't realize that at the time.

"I'm excited to see your dads next week," Aiden said during our walk.

"Me too. I think Lance and Jakob are coming too."

"Really? Man, you rate."

I thought about Mr. Dressel hesitating to say he missed his son. I got angry again. If there was a bright side to Aiden's day, it was that he hadn't mentioned Donny at all.

"Lance ... Lance. Is he the buff guy that works in a gym?"

"Yeah. Super built nowadays. When my father met him, he said he was a little pudgy."

I didn't feel the need to tell Aiden it was because of alcohol. That wasn't my business.

"And Jakob is ... his husband, right? The one that was dealing with all the food at Friendsgiving?"

I chuckled. "That's him. He is such a sweet guy. I had so much fun in Vegas and the National Parks with them."

"What a dream trip. Six gorgeous gay men in one vacation."

"I sometimes think life would be easier if I was just gay."

Aiden stopped. He glared at me like I had just offended him.

"No. NO! I – I – I think it's sweet that you are accepting of us ... of me. But being gay isn't easy, Corey. There is a whole period of just a person accepting it. Then fear of being lashed out at. And when you do become comfortable in who you are, your choices of finding someone to love is like ten percent of what straight people have. I mean, I'm okay being gay. I am. But ... don't think it is easy."

"I'm sorry. I didn't intend for my words to trivialize anything."

Aiden smiled. "You sound like a valedictorian." We walked further. "I'm glad you are my best friend. Not everybody on campus would be so accepting as a roommate. Donny was worried about his."

Dang. Thoughts of Donny resurfaced.

"I was proud of you last week when you were open with Ace and Geoff."

"Yeah." He paused. "My first big coming out on campus, and it wasn't much."

"Would you have been happier if I was shaking pink pom poms and sparklers were going off?"

Aiden laughed. "I think seeing you with pom poms would be a riot."

We were quiet, but then I was brave enough to present my question. "Has Ace or Geoff said anything?"

"About me being gay? No. Not really. I think they look at me slightly differently, but they aren't running from me. I'm used to people needing a little time to adjust. I'm okay."

"I wonder if they've cleaned their room."

"We should stage an intervention."

 

—

 

Wednesday night in the dining hall, Aiden and I were waiting for Ace and Geoff to join us. A taller guy sat next to Aiden. We didn't know him. He whispered something to him, and they both walked off to the end of the table.

Geoff, Ace and Sam sat down where we were positioned at the table. We said our hellos, and they all made small talk over something that had happened during their day. I told them we had worked two shifts at the CCE and were enjoying it. I explained it wouldn't be a windfall of cash, but it would make things easier.

I looked over at Aiden. He was smiling and nodding. The tall man looked to be a student but a little older than us. As guys went, I felt he was pretty good looking. Nice beard, dark hair. If people were into chest hair, his was noticeably sticking out of his collar.

Aiden returned to us.

"Who was that?" I asked.

"His name is Roy. He saw me at the LGBTQ thing where I met Donny. He ... he asked me out. He wanted to make sure you and I weren't a couple."

"So." Sam started. "What Geoff and Ace told me was true."

"DUDE!" Geoff barked, feeling exposed.

Aiden's look at Sam was unclear to me. Did it say, "Do you have a problem with me?" Did it say, "Are you going to hurt me?" Did it say, "I'm proud of who I am regardless of what you think?" And I realized my comment from a few days ago was kind of naïve. It was indeed not easy being gay. At least not as easy as fitting into the straight stereotypes.

"Hey, I'm okay with that," Sam quickly defended. "I – I – I've just never known anyone ..."

"Is gay the word you are struggling to say?" Aiden pointedly asked.

Sam nodded, but quickly said, "But really. I'm fine with it."

"Isn't it funny that people never have to say, `I'm fine with it that you're straight.'?" I spoke.

"Hey, Aiden," Geoff said. "I want you to know, we're good. Know that we are your friends. I'm not sure if we've been really clear about that, but ... Ace and I, we're all good."

"And it ain't like we went door to door telling all o' Dunne," Ace interjected.

"I guess I should expect word to get around," Aiden softly admitted. "I suppose I should just expect a few weird looks from time to time."

"Fuck that," said Sam.

"So ... Roy," I said.

"He's a junior! Even though I am a freshman, he thought I was cute. He wanted to know if I was unattached, if I would like to go out tonight."

"Wow," I said. "Good for you." And good that Donny was forgotten.

 

—

 

I looked at the clock. 11:03. Aiden wasn't back from his date with Roy. Notre Dame didn't have a curfew, so it was no big deal. I had an 8 o'clock in the morning. His first class was at 9. I turned out the lights.

I must have been slightly out of it, because when Aiden came in, I was having thoughts of people talking about barrels of root beer, which made no sense. I turned my head. 11:20.

"So...?"

Aiden sat on my bed. It was fairly dark, so I couldn't tell for sure, but I thought he was smiling.

"It was great. It was so different than with Donny. Roy wanted to get right to it in his room."

"...right to it."

"He gave me a spectacular blowjob. SO good."

"Oh."

"I know you don't want to hear the details. But he's big. Scott was easier to suck in high school, but ... man, what a cock."

"You're right. I don't need the details," I said turning over. "Good night."

"Good night, Corey."

I knew those three words were something that would never be spoken about me: What a cock. It made me never want to date.

 

—

 

Ace had talked me into playing some music with him Thursday night. I found it uplifting. I played keyboards while the two of us sang. A little Bieber, a little Coldplay. I even admitted I knew some Taylor Swift. Soon, our door was open, and several people stood in the doorway. The two of us received applause, which really made me feel better than it should. It was a moment of acceptance that I needed.

Somehow a dozen people came into our room, and we rocked the third floor of Dunne. I couldn't wait to tell Dad and Laramie on Saturday.

At 9:30, I called the impromptu concert finished. It was nice to see a bunch of guys — a few I hadn't even met — smile and thank me as they left our room. It was down to Sam, Geoff and Ace.

Ace and I basked in the afterglow of our unexpected triumph. "You are amazing, Snow," Ace said, putting his arm around me.

A text notification sounded on my phone. It was from Aiden.

"Oh." I put my phone away.

"Anything wrong?" Sam asked.

"No."

The three of them looked at me as if there was more to my "Oh."

"Aiden is out on another date with Roy. He ... he said he was sleeping over there."

"Oooo ... fast," Sam said. "I guess gay guys get action immediately."

"He didn't with Donny," I noted.

For some reason, the conversation then felt awkward.

"Corey ... I'm okay with Aiden being ... who he is," Geoff said. "But do you ... do you ever feel like ... you know ... he looks at you ... in that way?"

"Yeah, dude," Ace said. "Think he looks at ya like he wants your body?"

Deep down, I knew Aiden had feelings for me. Or once had. He kissed me in high school. And then I kissed him last week! But that was different. But if I was gay, yeah, I knew Aiden and I would be together. But I wasn't. And I never wanted to hurt him.

"We're just best friends. We have been for years."

"I dunno," said Ace. "You're hot as fuck."

"Says a straight man," Sam joked.

"Are you all ever naked in front of each other?" Geoff asked.

"Yeah. Does he show ya his dick?" Ace asked.

"Guys! Guys! We are sharing a dorm room, for heaven's sake. So, yeah, on occasion, one of us might be naked. I mean, we do get dressed, you know."

"Wow," said Ace.

"C'mon, man. Haven't you seen Geoff with no clothes on?" Sam asked Ace.

"Not his penis. He always turns away."

I couldn't be sure, but I thought Geoff felt embarrassed.

"I don't need to show my hot bod to another dude," he mumbled.

Of our group, Geoff was the one most modest like me. Ace had shared that his roommate wasn't into sleeping around. I wondered if he had any of the same anxieties I had.

"Ya don't think seeing you might turn him on?" Ace asked me.

"Enough! It's not like either of us dance around the room swinging a hard-on at each other. We're friends. He's supposed to be your friend too. This ... this all seems a little mean."

"Sorry, man. We didn't mean anything. We were just shit talking," said Sam. "And, yes, he is our friend. We should always remember that."

"Yes," I said, not looking at any of them. And Aiden's words of telling me it wasn't easy to be gay all but suffocated me. I had never put thought into it. I hated that people were talking about my best friend. I loved him. He didn't deserve any of this crap.

"Sorry, man. We'll leave. Hey, the music was great. Nice job."

I didn't say thank you.

I sat on my bed and sighed. I had been in such a good mood, and then it all changed.

I heard another text come in. It was from Mr. Dressel. It was strange that he would text me.

"Are you with Aiden?"

"No. He's out. I'm in the room alone."

He then called.

"Hi, Mr. Dressel." I wasn't sure what to say next. He had never called me, even though we both had each other's numbers.

"Hi, Corey. I, um ... I was wondering ... um." Then he went silent.

"Is anything wrong, Mr. Dressel?"

"Well, that's just it. I don't know."

"I'm sorry, sir. I don't understand."

"What you said last week has played over in my head every day since. Like a hundred times."

"What I said?? I'm sorry, sir. I still don't understand."

"You asked me if I wanted to tell him if I missed him. If I ... loved him."

I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say. I just remembered how angry I felt when he didn't want to leave that message.

"Corey, does your father tell you that ... those things ... over the phone."

"Yes, sir. He does. Every time. In fact, so much so that I have to tell him not to get mushy."

"I see." I detected a slight quiver in his voice. "Do – do you think ... Aiden expects me to say those things?"

Wow. This was heavy. For someone who had just turned 19, I had no idea how to respond. Was there a right thing to say?

"I – I can't speak for Aiden, sir, but I can tell you ... even if he gets mushy, it makes me feel so much better every time my dad — and mom — tells me that. I have no idea what Aiden expects, sir."

From years of conversations, I knew Aiden never expected anything emotional from his parents.

"I see. Well. It's just been on my mind. I'm sorry that I bothered you."

"It's no bother, sir. Have a good evening."

With a bladder drained and teeth minty fresh, I was in my sheets twenty minutes later. There was no way I was going to drift off quickly. My mind was a cyclone.

What was going through Mr. Dressel's head?
What did Aiden's blowjob feel like? What more was he getting?
"Sky Full of Stars" was our best number. Or was it "Levitating"?
Aiden would show me his dick, but I would turn away.
Why did my friends talk about Aiden that way?
Would Roy and Aiden fall asleep in each other's arms? That sounded nice.
Aiden and I had kissed goodbye almost every morning this week. Was that weird?
What were Aiden's feelings for me nowadays?
Would I ever date? Was I making it more difficult the longer I resisted?
Why was I so lost?

 

 

—

 

"I have a favor to ask."

I looked at my roommate. "Yeah?"

Aiden looked awkward. "I don't know how to say this."

"You and I are best friends. You can tell me anything."

"Well ... I think ... tonight will be the first night."

"First night for what?"

"First night for ... me."

"I don't follow."

"Fucked! Roy and I talked last night and he wants to ... fuck me. Tonight."

"Okay." What was a person supposed to say to that?

"Well. I want him to do it here."

"In OUR room?"

"Yeah. I'm going to ask him to sleep over."

"Where am I supposed to sleep?!" I wasn't angry, but I didn't understand the entirety of the plan.

"We'd expect you to be in your bed. We'll be ... we'll be `done' by 10:30. Do you think you could stay out until then?"

Well, this was a curveball. It was Friday night. I could go see a movie. I could see if Sam or the guys next door wanted to do something. But did I want a stranger in our room? Overnight? These beds are so small. How do two people even make it a whole night? Well, I assumed they did last night.

"I don't know."

"Please? I know it is a big ask, but ... I think this night is going to be something special."

Dang. "Okay, but just one thing. When you are `done,'" I said using air quotes, I expect you to put something back on."

"I can agree to that."

"Did you last night?"

"I did. He didn't. I felt a little weird in the room when his roommate came back. But that was midnight. We just held each other. I get the impression that Roy sleeps naked often."

"Hm. That demands a little of a roommate." I hadn't formed an opinion of Roy whatsoever, but that was the first thing I placed on my list of traits.

"I just melted in his arms. We held each other tight the entire night," Aiden said in his dreamiest voice. It was the gayest thing he had ever said to me. I was ashamed that I wanted to roll my eyes. I resisted but wanted to.

 

—

 

We were still a week from our first paycheck. Sam, Ace and I decided to go watch the girls' basketball team. That filled the evening, cheaply. We had eaten in the dining hall, so we were being smart with money. Geoff was out on a date.

I wasn't sure if I should say anything about Roy and Aiden or not. I felt it best to not bring up anything gay.

They drove off to find a Sonic for a late-night milkshake. It was 10, so I still needed to wait. I decided to take a simple jog around campus. Maybe that would help burn a few calories. So many of the guys in my hall would work out. I should do better to exercise.

It was cool enough, so I didn't really work up a sweat, but I was out of breath. I checked the time. 10:25. By the time I got to Dunne, it would be after 10:30 and I would have fulfilled my obligation.

Then it felt weird.

Would they still be in bed? Or would they be up doing something? How undressed would they be? Obviously, Aiden would introduce me, but then what would I say ..." How did the fucking go?" Should I wear a T-shirt to bed? How regularly would they want me to give them the room? Did I want to even see them sleeping together? Man, I felt weird.

I took a deep breath and opened our door. It was dark. Aiden had his wall art illuminated enough to where I could see my way around. I saw that he was alone.

"Hey," he sadly said from under his sheet.

I sat on his bed and put my hand on his shoulder. "Where's Roy?"

"He left almost an hour ago."

"What happened?"

Aiden rolled over to where he was looking up at me. "Sure you want to know?"

"Do you want to tell me?"

"Yeah. I know I can trust you."

"Of course, you can."

"It started off nicely. We kissed. We started removing each other's clothes. It was like last night. We talked about ... going further. I saw him roll on a condom. He told me to roll over. There was the sound of lube being squirted. He put ... some on both of us. I was all excited that I was finally going to be fucked."

Aiden sniffled. I didn't need light to know his eyes were watery.

"What happened?" I softly said.

"It hurt. Corey, it hurt so bad. I told you before. He's big. It just hurt. I tried to hold out and thought it might get better, but after about thirty seconds I told him to stop. I didn't like it." Aiden sobbed. "I didn't like it!"

He rolled back over to stare at the wall.

I felt sorry for my friend. I wasn't wild about him just having immediate sex with someone he barely knew or who he didn't even have any feelings for, but it broke my heart to see him sad.

I curled up behind him and put my arm around him. "I'm sorry," I whispered close to his ear.

"I asked if we could just finish jacking off. We were done in five minutes, and then he decided to leave. I get the feeling he won't call me back."

"That sucks," I said.

"I'm just a freshman. He would probably do better with people who have more experience."

"I'm sorry," I whispered again.

I held him in his bed for a long time. I could tell he wiped his eyes on his sheet. I wasn't sure how long it was before I released my embrace, but I went down the hall to pee and then came back to brush my teeth.

I grabbed his remote and dimmed the lights completely. We had purchased a small nightlight that I turned on, just so there was a slight bit of illumination to move around the room. I slipped into my sheets wondering if Aiden had fallen asleep. I knew Dad was coming tomorrow. I wondered if he could tell if it had been three weeks since I washed them. I wished I had time to do laundry before they arrived, but we had a morning shift at the CCE beforehand.

"Corey?"

"Yeah?" I replied to my roommate's voice in the darkness.

"Could you hold me for a little bit more?"

"Okay."

I got out of my bed and walked over to his. He moved closer to the wall. I was still on top of the sheet, but I moved my body as tightly against his as I could. My arm wrapped around him. I remembered Laramie often kissing the top of my head in years past. I did the same to Aiden hoping it would be comforting.

"Thanks."

"I always have your back," I whispered. "You're my best friend."

 

—

 

Something in my dream woke me up. The clock said 1:41. I took my arm from around Aiden and moved to my bed.

 

—

 

The alarm went off at 8. We were supposed to be at the CCE at 9. Both Aiden and I went down to the showers together.

"I think I'm more excited about seeing your dads than you are," Aiden said, as he stepped in to turn on the hot water in his shower.

"Why's that?"

"They're so cool. I like being around them."

I didn't used to understand Aiden's reactions to Dad and Laramie, but after that brief conversation with his father last week, I now did.

The shower room wasn't crowded. It was Saturday. Most of the residents liked sleeping in. Or not showering. We both stripped and stepped in the hot spray. Steve was finishing his shower. When he stepped out naked, I could tell Aiden was trying hard to not look but still snag a glance.

Our shower wasn't long. I finished first and toweled dry. I pulled up fresh boxers.

Both Aiden and I intended to shave. He wrapped his towel around his shoulder and stood at his sink naked. We foamed up our faces and grabbed our razors.

"So, what's this surprise?" Aiden asked, scraping off a stripe of foam on his cheek.

"I'm not sure. They didn't even give me hints."

A couple of other students walked in. Emanuel Canales took a leak. Someone we just knew as Slater stepped up to shave. He had a razor and a can of shaving cream. Steve took his towel and wrapped it around his bare waist to walk down the hall.

Slater looked our way.

"Jeez, Aiden. None of us are gay. You don't have to show us your dick."

"What!?" I remarked, insulted on behalf of my roommate.

"No one wants to see your penis, Aiden," he continued.

Aiden remained calm.

"You didn't say that to Steve," he calmly said. "I'm just shaving."

"You're being a prick, Slater," Emanuel said.

"Shut up, Canales."

"That's good advice for you. Your immaturity and ignorance are showing," Emanuel fired back.

"Piss off, fat boy."

Emanuel admittedly was on the larger side. It was still unkind of Slater to point that out.

"You're a child," he rebutted.

"Screw all of you," Slater said and grabbed his items and washcloth and left.

I saw Aiden sigh and bow his head. His hands were on both sides of the sink.

"Don't let him get to you," I told Aiden.

"You didn't have to stand up for me," Aiden calmly told Emanuel.

"Yes, I did. When anyone treats others poorly and you say nothing, then it is as if you condone it. Trust me, as someone fat and Hispanic, I got my share of teasing."

"I wouldn't say you're..." I started.

"I'm fat, Corey. You can use words like plump and stocky and a little overweight, but ... I know I'm fat. I should eat better."

"Thanks for being my friend," Aiden said. "Please know I appreciate that."

I was slightly pissed that all this was a trickle-down effect from Aiden opening up to Ace and Geoff. People just couldn't keep their mouths shut. I'm sure Aiden — like me — assumed the whole floor knew. Possibly the whole building. I couldn't believe I said a couple of weeks ago that it would be easier if I was just gay. No wonder Aiden went on the offense.

We were doing good on time. Each of us stuck a breakfast bar in our pocket to eat during the walk.

Aiden's phone rang.

"Hi, Dad," he said.

Then it became suddenly real to me that Aiden stopped talking. He was just listening. I looked from across the room. Aiden sat down on his bed.

"That's nice to hear, Dad. Yeah, I miss you, too."

There it was. There was the connection between those two that seemed missing. I felt just a tiny bit of pride for having initiated the conversation.

Aiden wiped his eyes with his arm for a second. "Thanks. I love you too."

He turned to look at me in surprise and awe and enthrallment and disbelief. I just smiled at him.

"Dad ... you know ... you know that I'm gay, right?"

I couldn't make out the response, but it wasn't my business to eavesdrop. I patted him on the shoulder and let him know I was going to start my walk. I'd let them talk things out.

 

—

 

Because of a parental visit, the team at the CCE was willing to let our shift be a little shorter. When I heard the text come in, I knew it had to be Dad and Laramie. I checked my phone; they were ten minutes out. We had finished our shift and should make it back to Dunne about the time they pulled in. The two of us were starving. The game plan was to go out for a late lunch.

As we walked, Aiden got visibly excited again. I admitted to myself that I had missed my family. We saw Dad's SUV drive up. We ran to meet them.

Doors flung open and it was a fiesta of arms and hugs and smiles.

"I've missed you SO much," Dad declared in a bear hug. Laramie's arms were an even stronger vise. He followed his greeting with a sloppy smooch on my cheek.

"I'm not sure why you came," I said to Lance and Jakob. "But it is awesome to see you."

"It's so good to see you too," Jakob said.

"You'll see in a while," Lance said. "But any excuse to come visit is a gift. We need to get out of town every now and then. Plus, we get to visit with Cooper and Laramie on a long drive too."

"Like a mini men's trip," I said.

"Well, I don't think a drive to a university qualifies as Las Vegas, but ... it's all good."

I reflected back on the men's trip to Vegas between my sophomore and junior year. I was so comfortable being around adults for a week. I was surer of myself then than I was now. What had happened to me?

They agreed to follow us to our favorite burger joint. Talk never stopped. I was glad that Aiden got to know Lance and Jakob better. I got to know them better on the Vegas trip, but Dad was so close with them. They had a bond through AA that would connect them for life. We talked about our classes, dorm life and our impeccable room. I asked about Emory, Don and Mitchell, and Dad said the coffee group was fine. Our spirits were great.

"So, are you guys seeing anyone?" Laramie asked.

And then our spirits were low.

"No." I said.

"I don't think so," Aiden mumbled.

Laramie figured he had somehow stepped in the poop, so he changed the subject.

"How's the food?"

Conversation recovered.

Once we were back at Dunne Hall, Lance and Jakob were really excited to see our room. I took them in. Aiden lingered, helping Dad and Laramie carry in a large flat box.

"What is this?" I asked, as they crossed through our door.

I knew it couldn't be a big flat screen TV. Or was it? I guess we could figure out how to hang it. But where?

"When we were here that first weekend, and Aiden had something on his wall and you didn't, I got an idea," Laramie started. "When we got home, I asked Jakob if he was willing to work on something."

"Of course, I immediately said yes," Jakob interjected.

No way. It couldn't be what I thought they were implying. Lance ripped the tape off of one end of the box. Laramie gently pulled out the contents, which were wrapped in a blanket.

"What IS this?" Aiden asked.

Laramie and Jakob flipped off the blanket and revealed what I expected. It was art. Their art.

"I can't believe you did this."

"Do you like it?" Laramie asked.

"Of course, I do!"

"It's titled: `The Journey.' If you like it enough, we'll hang it on your wall."

"Tell me about it," I said.

Like Jakob's and Laramie's previous works, the backdrop was woven pieces of stiff fabric. There were carvings of wavy figures with rounded ends to the left and a similar group to the right. A circle connected the two groups. In the center was a more realized figure. It reached toward the group at the right but looked back to the group at the left.

"The figure in the middle is you," Laramie started.

"Wow," Aiden said, not realizing he did so out loud.

"These woven wooden figures at the left represent the people in your past."

"They look like lasagna noodles with heads," Aiden said. I shot him a disapproving glare.

"The people to the right are all the people in your future. You can look at the past, but you always reach for what's ahead."

"What if I don't want to leave the people in the past?" I asked.

"That's why the circle connects it all. Many people in your past will be in your future. And some people in your future will eventually become your past."

"Wow. Deep," I said. I looked at the figure representing me. "I seem kind of alone." I wasn't sure if I should have said that. It seemed like a criticism.

"Well, the piece isn't necessarily finished. Nor does it have to be," Jakob said.

"What do you mean?"

Jakob pulled a small fabric bag from the box. He reached in and pulled out a figure. It was stained giving it just a touch of purple.

"This is to represent friendship. For now, that could be Aiden," Jakob said.

"Wait!! I'm in a work of art!?" my roommate blurted.

I smiled at him and then turned back to the wall hanging.

"This figure can one day be a wife, fiancé, girlfriend, ... whatever you choose," Jakob continued, holding a different figure from the bag.

"How do they fit in?"

Laramie showed me a small hook behind the central figure. He demonstrated how to attach a companion.

"Of course," Laramie said. "You can be strong and independent on your own. The art can continually be changing. You don't have to add anything."

"Choose me choose me choose me choose me!" Aiden begged.

I hugged him and nodded. I inserted Aiden (Friendship) into the artwork.

For about fifteen minutes, some minor work was done to the wall to support the artwork. It wasn't supremely heavy, but it weighed several pounds. The way Laramie suspended it conveyed the expertise he had gained from his business. The Vegas picture was moved further down the wall. Jakob measured everything to make sure everything was equidistant.

"Is this okay?" Aiden muttered to me from the side of his mouth.

"I hope so. I don't think there will be any major noticeable holes at the end of the year." If we had to pay a fine, we'd pay a fine.

We stood back and sat on Aiden's bed appreciating the art. Laramie was pushed up against the wall and I moved in between his legs. He wrapped his arms around me.

"I love it," I softly told him. He kissed me on the cheek. Aiden smiled watching us two.

"Jakob, I don't know what to say. It's ... almost too much."

"If you don't like it, you don't have to keep it up. It's okay if you want us to take it back."

"Are you kidding?! It's ... incredible. What other dude on campus has a legit work of art on the wall?"

"Think anyone will try to steal it?" Aiden asked.

"It's not a Picasso," I said.

"Aren't these worth a lot of money?"

"Not until someone buys it," Jakob said.

"And I'm never letting it go," I said, looking into Jakob's eyes. He smiled back.

"Whether I'm one of the people in your past or future, I'm always proud of your journey," he told me.

I put my hand on my heart to show his words meant something.

The time was a quarter after 4. None of us were hungry for dinner since we had a late lunch.

"Ooooo. Can I fix us all dinner tonight?"

"Seriously?" Lance asked. "Where?"

"We can cook in the common area."

"Dude. Just grabbing pizza would be fine."

"Aw. I haven't cooked for you all in a long time."

Everyone looked at each other. Apparently, I had thrown them a curveball. I was sure the group felt it was an imposition on me to do it, but I wanted to.

Dad went with me to pick up some groceries. I knew exactly what I wanted to fix. He insisted on paying. I just found the car ride with him to be oddly enjoyable. I shouldn't tell him that I had missed him as he would retaliate with accusations that I was getting mushy. But it was the truth.

Aiden toured them around Dunne while we were shopping for dinner ingredients. Lance and Jakob had never been on campus.

As dinner cooked in the common area, several friends and students poked their heads toward me to see what I was doing. I didn't have enough to offer anyone anything as I was cooking for six, but they all said it smelled good.

We had picked up a gallon of iced tea, so the rest of the guys sipped on a beverage as I continued preparing our meal. I had chosen something that didn't require an abundance of spices since I didn't have the stocked cabinets like I did back in Jackson Bend. A bottle of Cajun seasoning wasn't too much.

"Man, watching you go back and forth is like watching a cooking competition on TV," Jakob commented.

I laughed. "Ha. Not really feeling that type of pressure. I'm just going back and forth between the linguine and skillet items."

I knew I had red pepper flakes in the room from the times we got pizza to go. The recipe called for parsley to garnish, but that was an easy sacrifice. My small supply of spices were near me.

Within a half hour, I was plating up a Cajun chicken and vegetable skillet dish over pasta. My family and friends "oohed" over it, which made me feel good.

"Outstanding, champ," Laramie said after his first bites.

"What all is in here?" Lance asked.

"Chicken, zucchini, red bell peppers, broccoli, onion and some chicken broth. And a few spices."

"Sounds rather healthy," he commented. "It's delicious."

I thought so too. A few more people walked by and asked where we ordered from. I told them I had cooked it. They seemed impressed. They complimented me that it smelled really good and looked fantastic. I glanced at Dad who was smiling at my friends' praise. I felt he was proud of me. I introduced my father to most of them. I called everyone else by name. It felt weird introducing Laramie. I wanted to say, "Dad's partner," but with all the crap Aiden was dealing with, I decided to keep it low-key.

And I then sort of felt guilty. I wasn't ashamed of a single person there. Certainly not Laramie. There was no reason to broadcast my father was gay, but I felt bad for slightly hiding it.

After we had all finished, all the adults pitched in to make sure the area was completely clean and spotless.

"Ice cream is on me later," Lance said.

"How can you eat ice cream and look like a sculpted Greek god?" Aiden asked.

"I like you!" Lance said, hooking Aiden into a head lock. "I allow myself something sweet every now and then."

True to his word, once it was dark, we were all spooning our ice cream sundaes.

"What a fantastic day," my father said, looking at the group.

"Agreed," said Jakob.

"Thank you all for coming. It was really nice of you to make the drive," I said. "I've loved seeing you."

I had another customer quickly take a picture of our group. We all had cheesy smiles.

Darkness had fallen, and the men stated they had yet to check into their hotel. We all called it a night, although it was not late. We gave each other hugs. I couldn't imagine us ever being "hugged out." Dad asked if we attended church services, but I told him our morning could be free. They would head back mid-afternoon.

Back at Dunne, Sam, Ace and Geoff stopped by. They had seen the large box being carried into our room. Although I had introduced them down in the common area, they had not seen the art.

"Dude," said Geoff. "That's ... that's cool. What is it?"

I took a couple of minutes to explain the symbolism behind Jakob's and Laramie's design.

"And that's me. That's me!" Aiden said.

"Fancy stuff," Sam observed.

I wasn't sure what they really thought of it, but they seemed impressed that I would just have real art in my room.

"It's like worth a couple thou," said Aiden.

"Whoa," said Geoff.

"Again, until someone buys it, it has no value," I said.

"But the ones at the museum — I mean the art ... gallery ... thingy ... place had price tags like that."

"Yes, they did," I confirmed.

"Your dad seemed very nice. Who were all the other guys?" Sam asked.

"Well, Jakob and Lance are in a ... group with Dad — or they were before they moved to another town."

I didn't feel it was right for me to tell them Lance and Jakob were alcoholics. They all met and became especially close through AA. And what did I say about Laramie? Aiden had been given so much flak for being gay. I had never brought up Dad to Sam.

"Laramie is my father's partner."

"Like, at work?" Sam said.

I just stared at them for a moment. It took several seconds, but my silence allowed him to process what I meant. I could tell by Geoff's and Ace's faces they were waiting for Sam to realize the situation.

"Oh," said Sam. "So... your ... dad is ..."

I nodded. "Gay. He is. And he's awesome. Laramie is incredible too."

"Okay," Sam softly said.

I knew they all wanted to ask questions. I was certain of it. But they didn't know how. I was going to let them know it was fine to ask me, but Aiden jumped in.

"And don't fucking tell the whole building!"

"We won't, we won't," Geoff said.

"Corey can tell who he wants when he chooses," Aiden insisted.

"Heaven knows I have started getting up earlier just to shower before everyone else does."

"Ya do?" Ace spoke.

"Yes!!" Aiden took in a deep breath. "Yes. I don't want to have to put up with any shit. Nor do I want anyone to think it is weird to be around me."

"It's not weird to be around you. I'll shower with you," Geoff said.

That broke the tension. We laughed.

"Well, not shower with you. But it won't bother me to be in the room."

"Wouldn't bother me none either," said Ace.

"Thanks," Aiden said, looking at the floor.

The three of them said they would see us tomorrow evening. We told them we would enjoy having dinner with them. They walked toward the door. Geoff stopped. He turned and walked back to Aiden. My roommate looked up, and Geoff hugged him. Aiden wrapped his arms around him.

I could have been way off. That hug could have said a million things. It could have said, "You're okay." It could have said, "I'm your friend no matter what." It could have said, "Don't let the pricks get to you." It could have said, "I support you." Part of me felt it said, "I'm sorry that I opened my mouth."

Once they were gone, we both sat on Aiden's bed looking at "The Journey."

"Are you okay with this in the room?" I asked.

He turned to me. "Yeah. Do you not like it?"

"Yes. I do. Totally. But ... they didn't really ask you."

"It's your side of the room. You can do with it whatever you want. I'll take it over a poster of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders."

I chuckled.

"Considering what I've heard around here, it was kind of brave of you to tell our friends your dad is gay."

"I felt guilty at dinner not introducing Laramie as his partner." I put my head on Aiden's shoulder. "I was ashamed."

"Don't be. I don't think he was offended in any way." Aiden looked me in the eyes. "Why aren't they married?"

"That's a good question. They didn't in high school because they ... well, Laramie said he wasn't the marrying `type.' They told me at graduation they didn't want me to be teased or bullied."

"Guys can be jerks."

"Yeah," I softly said. Seeing what Aiden had gone through the past weeks, maybe Dad was right. It wouldn't have bothered me though.

We were quiet. I got lost in the colors in the background fabric of the art.

"Think all of them are in the same hotel room?" Aiden asked. "Like shirtless?"

I grabbed his pillow and hit him over the head.

We did our nightly routine: peed, brushed, stripped to underwear, hugged, lights out.

 

—

 

True to his word, Aiden was up earlier than the "church rush" to shower and be out of there. I knew he used to like to sleep in.

I had decided to take a morning jog. When he returned from the shower, I noticed he had underwear and a T-shirt on when he walked down the hall. He just held his towel and shampoo.

Once I was showered, we set a time to meet the men for a big breakfast. At 9:30, all of us were being served calorie-packed entrees from Nick's Patio.

Aiden looked so happy being with my family and friends, even more so than with our own friends here at ND.

The weather had a surprising nip in the air. It was officially fall, so we weren't too surprised.

We had no plans, and I felt slightly awkward about what to do. I didn't want them to leave, but I wasn't sure what to do with them. Inside me, I wanted to talk. But I felt comfortable talking with Laramie the most. But how was I to separate ourselves from the others?

"Dad, is it okay if I carve with Laramie for a little while?"

My father looked perplexed for a brief second, but then he smiled because he appreciated how much I bonded with his life partner.

"Sure."

I looked at Aiden. "We've shown them Dunne, but can you walk them around the campus to the other places you and I go?"

Aiden stood tall being requested to be the guide in charge. "You bet. Follow me guys."

My father and friends slipped on their jackets again. I went over to get my sculpture and tools.

Outside, we paused at "my tree" and watched them continue to walk off into the distance. We sat down with our backs against the trunk.

"Tell me about your sculpture," Laramie said. "What are you going for?"

"Well, it's called `Lost.' I wasn't sure where I wanted to go with it at first."

"I see."

"I want this central figure to represent me, but then I want these other objects to go around it, kind of swirling me and confusing me."

"Interesting."

"But I won't know how to attach them."

Laramie spent a few minutes showing me how wood glue could complete it when the surfaces were done. We examined the parts closely to make sure the surfaces were flat in certain areas to where it could be assembled easily yet strongly. I appreciated his knowledge.

I started to smooth and flatten one object. He asked if he could do another. Tiny shavings went into the grass.

"So... you asked to be alone with me ... and ... your sculpture is you feeling lost. Want to talk?"

"I guess."

"What's up, buddy?"

"Promise not to tell Dad?"

"You aren't in trouble, are you?"

"No. Nothing like that. I just ... I don't know, Laramie. By the time I graduated high school, I had a grip on who I was. I didn't feel I had to prove anything to anyone."

"And now?"

"I'm not that at all. I mean, I was always kind of ... awkward my sophomore and junior years. I wasn't sure if I fit in with most kids. But by senior year, I kind of felt okay about myself."

"And you don't now?"

I stopped carving. "No." I bowed my head.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know, Laramie. I feel ... well, lost. I'm not sure I know who I'm supposed to be."

"Explain. Help me understand."

"Now that ... well, okay, 19 isn't truly an adult, but..."

"Legally it is."

"Yeah. I was okay being a kid wanting to be an adult, but here ... I don't know if I fit in."

"People like you, don't they?"

"Yeah. Yeah." I sighed. "A lot of them have sex. Aiden does, and I just don't feel..." I paused. "I don't think I'm ... ready."

"Buddy, there's no agenda; there's no schedule. Your parents waited until they were married. Don't make yourself feel pressure you don't have to."

"I know, but I just feel different."

"Isn't this a Catholic joint? Surely there have to be some people abstaining. Or have Christians changed in the past year?"

I chuckled.

"I'm kind of scared to date."

"You are so good looking and nice and polite. Why be afraid?"

"What if she wants to ... go further than I do? What if she expects me to spend more? What if ... my body isn't good enough."

Laramie had never seen me naked. Would he know what I was implying there?

I felt his arm drape around me.

"Is this a dick thing?"

"I guess."

"Well, you've probably seen your dad. He isn't hung either. And I totally love him. It doesn't matter at all. In fact, it makes it easier to suck."

"Ew."

Laramie laughed.

"Sorry. Okay, let me put it this way. If I recall, Grace didn't have a huge chest. She was kind of average, I guess."

"Yeah."

"Did you hold that against her?"

"Of course not."

"Well, there you are. Bodies are just shells. The person is what is inside. And, son, you are just like your father; you are so handsome. Don't get caught up in something irrelevant like penises. They do the job when the time comes. No matter the size."

"I can't believe we are having this conversation."

"But I'm glad you feel comfortable talking to me."

"Only you."

"You and Aiden don't talk?"

"Oh, we do. We share a lot. He's had to put up with some crap here about being gay."

"Fuck. That sucks. You are there for him, aren't you?"

"One hundred percent."

"Bless his heart."

We resumed carving. We went a few minutes in silence.

Eventually he shared some things about Mom and Daryl. I felt a twinge of guilt that I didn't call frequently enough to know those details.

I wanted to ask him if the fact that Aiden and I hugged before bed and kissed before we left in the morning made me a freak. I was too afraid. That had to be weird. Even though I felt a little better, I still felt pretty lost.

We pressed our carved pieces together. They were smooth enough to join easily.

I hadn't realized how long we had been there. It had been thirty minutes. The others walked up to us.

"Before they get here, I want to say thanks for listening," I told Laramie.

"Any time. ANY time. I love you, Corey."

"Same here." I lowered my voice. "Sadly, Aiden hardly ever hears that."

"That's sad," he whispered as they walked up.

"Breakfast was huge, so we're not super hungry. We thought we might just share a slice or two of pizza," Lance told us. "Does that work for you two?"

"Pizza? Always," I said.

Two large pizzas divided between six men was just fine. Each of us had two slices; Laramie had three. The rest we boxed up for later tonight.

At their SUV, my father looked deeply into my eyes. "Man, it is hard to drive away from you."

"Dad..." I warned.

"Okay, okay."

I squeezed him hard. "I love you." He squeezed me harder.

"Same here, son. Same here. More than you know."

Lance and Jakob gave me a hug, and I thanked them for coming and especially thanked Jakob for the artwork. Aiden hugged them as well.

Laramie looked at me sternly. His eyes bore into my very soul. "Just remember how great you are ... because you are."

We were in a bear hug for a long time. Laramie wasn't my father, but I still felt blessed that he was like a second father.

"Love you," we said at the same time. Then he rustled his hand through my hair.

He then hugged Aiden, and I noticed Laramie kissed him on the cheek. I wasn't sure what my roommate would think of that.

"You two take care of each other," Laramie softly told him.

"Yes, sir."

Then we all waved. Dad smiled but I saw a tear dart down his cheek. What a mushy marshmallow. But I was glad he was my father.

Back in the room, we flopped on our beds.

"What a great visit! I love your family."

"Yeah. Me too."

I moved over to his bed, and we stared at "The Journey." We didn't talk, we just looked. He moved closer to where his arm was pressed up to mine, his body leaning into my body.

"I didn't have a chance to ask. How was your talk with your dad yesterday," I inquired.

Aiden didn't reply right away. I could tell he was thinking.

"Fine. Fine. It – it was good."

"Okay."

"Corey, your family tells you they love you like every ten seconds. My parents ... well, they don't. It wasn't a long conversation, but my dad said it. He doesn't often. Hardly ever. Then we talked about me being gay, and he was okay with it. He knew. We had never discussed it, but he knew."

"Good."

"His – his last words before he hung up were: `No matter what, I will always love you.' It kind of floored me. I didn't think my father was capable of saying such words. He's been a total cardboard cutout my whole life."

"Hmm. I'm sorry it was that way in the past, but ... maybe we're both on a journey."

Aiden put his head on my shoulder. "Yeah."

Thirty seconds later he got up and grabbed a Dr Pepper out of our fridge. We both settled in to do a little homework for tomorrow's classes.

 

—

 

The leftover pizza was gone. Geoff and Ace asked how our visit went later that night. Not that there was much to tell, but I said it was a good one. They looked at the art again. Ace gave me a look indicating how amazing my life was. I still didn't feel it. We agreed to meet together for dinner tomorrow. They said they would text Sam too.

We went down the hall to pee. After brushing our teeth, we just lay on our beds, not ready to turn out the lights yet.

"I really, really enjoyed talking with your dad and his friends today."

"Good."

"They helped me feel better with the Roy thing."

"What do you mean?"

"I told them about how I felt when the two of us ... did it, and-"

"You talked about sex with my dad??!!"

"Yeah, they were willing to listen, so I-

"I can't believe you talked about sex with my father. Gross!"

"Fuck you, Corey!"

Huh!? My body lurched up; my neck snapped, jolting my face to look at him. My gaze burned in shock at his cussing at me.

"What?!"

"You heard me."

"First, don't cuss. Second, why the anger?"

"You can talk to anyone. All our friends are straight; you can bond with any of them. I – I – I ... I have nobody to talk to. When your dad and Jakob and Lance were willing to listen to me ... I don't have that. I don't have anyone gay to talk to. Donny ghosted me, and Roy dumped me. It was just nice to have somebody to talk to. You know, for once."

Aiden sat with his back against the wall and pulled his knees up to his chin.

I felt like a hypocrite since I had danced around the topic of sex with Laramie.

I moved over to sit next to him.

"You can talk to me," I said softly, nudging up to him. "You really can."

"You're not gay."

"But I can listen. And I'm sorry that you feel like you can't be open with me. I'm sure that is hard."

He buried his face in his hands. "Thanks." He let his eyes emerge, but they looked at the floor. "I'm sorry I cussed at you."

"It just startled me to think about you and my father talking about sex."

"It's not like I just blurted out that Roy and I fucked. Jakob is really nice, and-"

"He is."

"And he remembered me saying when Lance asked if we were seeing people, `I don't think so.' He asked what I meant. And ... they said they were willing to listen when I told him things weren't going well. It led to a discussion of my ... first time."

It was still weird for my roommate and my father and his friends to be talking about intimate sexual details, but I wanted to be there for Aiden. He'd had enough people on our floor kind of push him away. I couldn't do that to him.

"Was it helpful?"

"Yeah. Apparently, Lance has a huge cock."

"Did he ... did he say that?"

"Yeah." Aiden turned his head to me. "It was like the flipside of my situation. The first time he tried to screw a guy, that dude reacted the same way I did. He encouraged me to not give up. He and Jakob make things work. He says the right person will make it happen when it is supposed to happen."

"Man."

"I could say practically anything, and they ... heard me. I felt ... heard. I wasn't alone. It was ... nice." He leaned over and placed his head on my shoulder. "They were really nice."

I put my arm around him, and his body leaned into my neck and chest. "I'm glad."

"Did you and Larry talk about anything."

"Yeah." I wasn't sure I wanted to share.

"... and?"

"It's nothing."

He sat up. "Corey, I talked about anal sex with your dad. Spill."

I rolled my eyes. "Ew. Still weird. But ... Aiden, I'm here for you. Please know you can talk to me. I promise not to judge."

"I know you can't relate to the gay details. I get that. But thank you. I'm lucky to have you as a best friend. You're pretty awesome."

"But I don't feel awesome. I feel ... lost. That's what I talked about with Laramie."

"What's wrong?"

"Everything. It seems like everything should make me happy, but for the first time in my life, I feel younger than I am."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"All through high school, I felt cool that I had these adult friends along with my school friends. I felt kind of grown up. Here ... it feels like everyone else is fitting into college and I'm ... twelve."

"Why?"

"I don't know. That's why I'm lost. I mean ... most of it is about me feeling ... like I'm not worthy of dating."

"You're beautiful. You're nice. What do you mean?"

"I don't know how to date as an adult. What should I spend? What does a girl in college expect? You are having sex, but I never have."

"Does being a virgin bother you?"

It was then my turn to pull my knees to my chin. "Kinda," I mumbled.

"I'm sure there are tons of people NOT having sex. Geoff for one."

"But what if I ask a girl out and she expects it?"

"Don't you think all girls feel the same way when a guy asks them out and they're not ready?"

"I suppose," I said, my chin still on my knee.

"Do you want to have sex?"

I thumped my body back to the wall. "I'm not sure. I mean ... kind of, yeah. My dick does. But ... what if the girl..." I stopped. "Never mind."

Aiden put his hand on my knee. "Go on."

"No."

"I'm here for you too. I won't judge."

From out of nowhere, my eyes watered. I wasn't expecting it.

"Corey?"

I sniffed and a tear ran down my face. "What if she doesn't think ... you know ... my dick isn't good enough?"

"What!?? Why would any girl think that? Do they care?"

"Society seems to lead me to believe they do."

"Society??"

"Do you ever hear of a guy feeling proud he has a small dick?"

"It's not small when it's hard. I've seen it. It gets the job done."

"Even in high school, guys in Gym made fun of other guys who had smaller cocks."

"To their face?"

"No, I guess not. Just ... in general. In jokes."

"A lot like gay jokes, huh?"

I looked Aiden directly into his eyes. "Yeah."

"Your dick is fine. Trust me, I'm gay, and I can tell you it's fine. I'd give you a blow job any time you want it."

I laughed. "Pass."

"It's okay, Corey. Everything is going to be okay."

And then Aiden gave me a peck on the lips. We did it most mornings, but this was the first time the message was directed more at me. I did it again in return, hugged hm and moved back to my bed.

Our friendship seemed closer than ever. Each day, we opened up more to each other. I was sad that I underestimated the crap he had to go through. And yet, he still listened to my stupid feelings.

I pulled off my T-shirt, leaving only my briefs on. Aiden did the same. We both hung our shirts off the back of our beds.

I flopped back down on my bed but on top of the sheet. I looked up at the artwork hanging above me. I figured it was secured enough that it wouldn't come loose and fall on me in my sleep. It was harder to make out from this angle, but I saw the two figures in the middle. I turned to look at Aiden's name art above his bed. It wasn't brightly lit but also not fully dimmed. As I glanced down at him below, I could tell he had a big bulge in his briefs. He randomly rubbed it with his hand. He reached in for a second to rearrange. A moment later, even in the half-light, I could see it move in the cotton fabric.

My erection started.

"Aiden?"

"Yeah?"

"Want to jack off?"

"Seriously?!"

"Yeah."

"Fuck yeah."

"Don't cuss."

He jumped up and ripped off his underwear. His boner jutted out and continued to rise further.

"Can I be next to you?" he asked.

"Yeah."

I scooted over next to the wall. He moved in next to me. I pulled down my underwear and lifted my knees to fully remove it. We both lay naked with our hips touching.

"No kissing," I said.

"I just kissed you a minute ago."

"That's different."

"Sure."

Aiden was the first to start stroking his erection. I couldn't help but compare that his dick was an inch longer than mine.

"This is like high school," he softly said.

"Yeah," I said, pulling on my stiff rod.

We both fully reclined with our heads laid flat.

We pulled.

We yanked.

We stroked.

We tugged.

Aiden was the first to moan. It wasn't loud, but it was audible. It was part moan, part gasp, part breathing.

"Ungh," I softly said as my cock felt better and better. "Oh, ungh, yeah."

"Yeah," he softly moaned back. "Ungh... Oh ... Oh .. Yeah ... Ungh."

We were a few minutes into it, and I saw his hips start to buck and writhe. "Ohhhh. Oh yeah, Corey."

It was obvious he was close to coming. I wasn't, but in the past, he had always come first every time except once.

"Ungh. Ungh. Ungh. OhhhhhhhhhHHHH. UNGH!"

I wondered if anyone next door could hear that, but quickly got more interested in seeing cum shoot from my roommate's cock. It fired up to his nipples. Aiden kept coming. And coming. Until he just dripped.

"Uuuuunnnnnnggh."

"Think Ace and Geoff heard you?"

"I wasn't that loud."

My fist still worked my dick. It felt great. It felt hot. It felt wired.

I stroked and jerked. I wondered if he wanted to get up and wipe his chest, but he stayed next to me, tilting his head up to watch me work.

"May I?" he asked.

It wouldn't be the first time his hand would be on my erection. I didn't answer orally. I moved my arm behind his head pulling him into me closer. He reached for my cock. I let go.

Having someone else grip my organ felt ... different. Sensual. Wonderful. Great.

He stroked me tenderly. His fingers gripped my cock differently than I did. Just enough to be noticeable. I liked it.

"Jerk me harder," I whispered.

"Yeah," he whispered back.

He increased the speed of his strokes. Aiden was getting me closer to orgasm.

"Harder."

He pumped my cock.

"Yeah, that's it," I moaned.

My arm pulled him to me tighter.

"OHHHHH," I groaned. Cum intersected my nipples, then above my navel, then mingled in the bits of chest hair I had in between. "Aaaaaaaiiiid', ooooohhhhh." The last dribbles of cum oozed into my bush.

A bit of it was on his hand. He licked it.

"Really?" I watched him move it away from his mouth. "What's it taste like?"

"You've never tasted your cum?"

"Ew. No. Why would I?"

Suddenly he leaned further into me, and he ran his tongue through my first launch on my chest.

"Hey. What's that about?"

He licked his lips. "Knowing you, you'd find it lacking. Like it needed salt or something."

We laughed. Loud. If anyone could hear through the walls, it didn't sound anything remotely sexual.

"Maybe some lemon pepper?" I joked.

We laughed again. This time he reached down and just held my cock, which wasn't very big any more. His hand still felt nice on it.

"We're kind of messy," he said.

Hopping up, he got a washcloth, warmed it with hot water and wiped his chest and dick. He walked over to me. I stood and reached for the cloth, but he chose to wipe me down himself. I watched him clean my crotch first and then my chest.

He tossed the washcloth to the floor. We looked at each other and smiled.

"Thanks," he said.

"Thanks," I said back.

We hugged. It was the first naked hug we'd ever had. Our dicks pressed into each other. They both still felt slightly damp.

We climbed into our beds. Neither of us put our underwear back on.

 

—

 

The next morning, I couldn't muster the energy to get up. As soon as I shut off my alarm, I became aware of my nudity below the sheet.

I remembered the night before. It was fun in its own way, but was it good for Aiden? Is it some kind of tease to do ... stuff ... naked stuff with a gay guy when you can't really reciprocate? Was I a dick?

Speaking of, I had morning wood.

I threw off the sheet.

"Nice cock," I heard mumbled from the other bed.

"Oh, stop."

I grabbed fresh underwear and my towel and began my lumber down the hall. It was immature, but I kind of liked the bulge my morning erection gave the towel wrapped around my waist.

As I turned on the hot water and stepped in, I reached down and could feel dried cum in my bush. I sighed, wondering if I was a good roommate. Was I messing with Aiden's head?

 

—

 

The next morning, Aiden and I both got up early. He liked to try to beat the rush in the shower room to avoid any taunts. Since Slater's ridicule, he never allowed his crotch to be exposed.

As we headed for the door, we looked down.

"What's this?" I asked.

It was a folded sheet of paper that had been slipped under our door. Aiden's name was written on the top of it. I handed it to him.

"Wha...?"

He unfolded it. We both looked at the wording at the same time.

Aiden,

I just wanted you to know that you
aren't the only one at Dunne.
I have been disappointed to hear
some things and witness some
things. I know it is sometimes
hard. But don't feel alone.

You aren't the only one. I hope
things keep getting better. I
do also hear nice things too.
I hope you do as well.

 

"No one signed it," I said.

"Yeah. Weird."

"What do you make of it?"

"I – I dunno."

"At least you know there is someone else gay in Dunne. Strange that they would tell you that but not say who they were."

"I get it," Aiden muttered.

"Oh?"

"Sure. They aren't out. They are still hiding it. Maybe after seeing me go through shit-"

"Don't cuss."

"Maybe they thought knowing I wasn't the only one would make me feel better."

"Does it?"

"I'm not sure. I wish I knew who they were, so we could ... you know, like ... talk if we needed to."

"Hm."

We looked at each other. We leaned in for a quick peck on the lips. "It's okay," we both said. We smiled.

 

—

 

Aiden was heading to a Prism meeting right after dinner. Ace and I just enjoyed the evening with a walk.

"How's Aiden?" Ace asked.

"I'm not sure I understand."

"Is he feeling okay about ... Dunne?"

"Meaning accepted?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not 100 percent sure. I'm sure there are days, but no one has really given him any grief lately. At least, nothing he's told me about."

"Do you guys share stuff?"

"Everything."

"Nice."

"We've known each other for years. It's funny, at the beginning of high school, I thought he was kind of a loner. I liked him okay. We were both in Choir, but we weren't super close. But things brought us together."

"Yeah?"

"His house was hit by a tornado a couple of years ago."

"Ho-lee shit!"

Guh. I hated it when my friends cussed.

"He stayed with me for a week, so we ... you know, really got to know each other better that week."

I felt no need to tell Ace that was the first time we jacked off together. That would sound weird. I didn't even know Aiden was gay then. I thought a lot of guys just did that in high school. Maybe I heard wrong.

"Later, during our senior year, I knew Aiden was gay then."

"How'd you find out?'

"He kissed me."

"WHOA!!! No way!" Ace threw his arms up to his head. "Man, I'd freak."

"I did." I stopped walking. Ace followed suit. "And I almost ruined our friendship."

Ace looked at me earnestly. "What ya mean?"

"I thought I had somehow led him on. But I ... I just like instantly ghosted him. And I felt terrible. I mean ... the kiss was kind of a compliment."

"You're a stud."

"Oh, pfff. Forget that. But ... it was kind of brave in a way."

"I s'pose."

"We resumed our friendship. It was actually stronger. Anyway, at prom, he had a boyfriend at that time. I kind of knew it, but he wasn't out to everyone. Then — right on the dance floor — he kissed Scott. People gasped. I saw them pull out their phones to film it before they stopped dancing. The kiss went on for a long time. I started clapping. Then my girlfriend did. Soon a lot of people did."

"You're a good friend."

"I hope."

Was I? We hugged every night. We hugged naked the other night! I was kissing him goodbye most mornings. What friends do that?? As much as I cared for Aiden, was I messing with his head? He was my best friend, and I didn't mind our level of affection. It warmed me. But was it wrong? Were we weird? It was my fault.

Ace resumed our walk. I was becoming trapped in my thoughts.

"Hey, Corey. Can I ask you ... never mind."

"What is it, Ace?" I was glad to be distracted from my thoughts.

"I don't want to hurt your feelin's."

"How would you do that?"

"I was just curious about you ... and your dad ... and all."

"Go on."

"When did you find out he was like ..."

"Gay?"

"Yeah. That."

"It's okay to say it, Ace. I know he's gay. I found out in junior high. It was kind of bad. Can I share a secret?'

"Sure."

"You won't tell the whole floor?"

Ace grabbed my arm. "Swear I won't! I feel real bad about what happened to Aiden."

"My father struggled with who he was. He – he kind of buried his gay feelings. He was married to Mom; he wanted to be a good father. But he was living a lie. It ate him alive."

"Shit."

"Don't cuss. Anyway, he ... he tried to push it away, bury it. He started drinking. It got bad."

"I'm sorry."

"He's been a recovered — or they may say recovering, I'm not sure — alcoholic for seven years. He's been sober for seven years."

"Good for `im."

"And he's awesome. He's happy. It took me a few months, but when I saw the Dad I remembered and loved start to come back, I was happy to see it again. It ... just came without he and Mom being together."

"Rough."

"Yeah. A little. But ... he was great to be with. He was ... himself. I liked his first boyfriend. We all still get along. Now."

"Was it weird seein' `im with another man?"

"Once he was honest with me ... no. If I had been in high school, it may have freaked me a bit, but I ... accepted it okay. He was in a good place. That made me in a good place."

"Ya been through a lot."

"Nothing like Aiden."

"Yeah." Ace looked sad. "He don't deserve all that."

"Just be his friend."

"He got lucky with you."

And yet I questioned that very statement.

Back in the room, I listened to Aiden tell me about the LGBTQ meeting. I didn't know how to add anything to the conversation, but I was glad I could just let him talk; I was okay with just listening. I couldn't tell if he enjoyed it or not, but I could tell it was good for him to be with people like him. Not people like me, people who sent him weird signals. I was glad he met a few more people.

"A couple gave me their numbers. Not like ... let's go out on a date or anything. I think. Just as ... friends, you know."

"Good. Nice."

"Yeah." He looked down. "I saw Roy."

"Wow. How did that go?"

"It didn't. He just waved and then turned to other people he knew."

"Dick."

"I was the one who messed up," Aiden muttered.

"No, you weren't. It was hurting. That's not what sex should be."

"Says the virgin."

I slapped him on the arm. "I may not have experience, but I know it's supposed to feel good."

"Right." He looked at me. "Thanks for asking about my night."

"I'm always here to talk to."

We walked down the hall to pee. After brushing our teeth, we turned out the lights and stripped to our underwear. We turned to hug. It was usually brief, but Aiden held me a moment longer.

"Good night," we both said.

How deep were Aiden's feelings for me? Why did I ever start the "It'll be okay" kiss? Good lord, he had his hand on my dick the other night. I was a jerk. I was confusing him; I was screwing him up. Other than actual sex, I was sending an entire barrage of mixed signals.

I was a terrible roommate.

 

 

* * * *

 

Look for a post on the blog called "Two" at timothylane414stories@blogspot.com.

Email is welcome: timothylane414@gmail.com

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