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There is a favor to ask here. If you haven't read my previous stories, some characters from those books, particularly Coffee at 9 and Laramie, are going to spill over here. They are key characters in Corey's life, so threads from those books are interwoven here. Indulge me and bear with me.

 

As a reminder, Chapter Two, "September," was told from the narrative perspective of Corey. The two roommates had become closer by showing more affection.

 

 

 

3
October

Aiden

Corey was the most amazing roommate. I couldn't fathom getting to know a total stranger as a roommate and fearing if I should share that I was gay with them.

We hadn't even been at school for two full months yet, and I'd felt so comfortable and safe with Corey. It kind of sucked that our room was small and that I didn't have the freedom of my own bedroom like back home, but I was happy that Corey and I were rooming together. I never had brothers, nor did he, so it was an adjustment, but ... I loved being here. With him.

Every now and then I had to remind myself that he was straight, and we were just friends. That didn't stop him from being my soulmate though. I couldn't see how that would ever change. Platonic as we were, Corey knew me. The whole me.

I wondered if we stretched the boundaries of being "platonic." We didn't have sex, but I had my hand on his dick a week ago. We kissed goodbye most mornings. We always hugged — 47 times so far. The two of us were very affectionate with each other — for friends. How weird did that make us? What would Ace and Geoff think of us if they knew how close we were? Were we freaks?

We returned from our job late Saturday afternoon.

"I think I have shreds of carrots embedded into my skin," I said. Corey chuckled. "I'm going to go take a shower."

"Want to do something tonight?"

"I'd like that, but I told one of my new NDPrism friends I'd meet up with him."

"Oh. Nice."

It was. But knowing that Corey wanted to spend time with me made me sad that I wasn't. Not just because I longed to be with him every minute but also because he was my best friend. I didn't want to let him down.

"What's his name?"

"Josh. But ... it isn't a date. We're just meeting as friends."

Corey nodded.

I grabbed my toiletries and headed to the shower. Even though it wasn't a date, I still wanted to present myself nicely. I used my freshest-smelling shower gel. As I foamed up my crotch, I wondered if Corey might be interested in jacking off when I got back. It felt slightly awkward to ask, but since we did it a week ago, I was wondering if he might want to do it again.

I walked back into the room with just a towel around me. A couple of guys had seen me in the hall and smiled and said hello. Neither of them gave me a look of "Oh, it's the gay guy trying to be naked around us men." Since Slater's outburst, no one had been a total dick to me. I assumed there were still many who weren't okay with it, but I hadn't been harassed.

And who was the guy who slipped me a note under the door?

Back in the room, Corey was shirtless. I guessed his shirt had some stains from work and he dealt with them. Corey looked hot shirtless. Not pumped, just ... the guy I wanted.

I removed my towel. Corey and I had been naked in front of each other many times. I didn't think about it much anymore. Still, seeing him shirtless caused my penis to react. I wasn't hard, but I was getting longer. I noticed Corey glanced at it. His expression was ... what was it? He looked down, almost unhappy.

Did he not like my dick? What was wrong with it?

Once dressed, I checked my appearance in the mirror.

"I thought it wasn't a date," Corey said.

"It's not," I said, still looking at my reflection. "But I still want to look okay."

"Do you think Sam and Geoff and Ace check their appearance before meeting us?"

I turned to look at him. "I don't know, but I do. I see you combing your hair before we go out."

"I'm just teasing you."

He walked over to hug me. Number 48.

"It's all okay," he said. We smiled and gave a peck on the lips. It was the eighteenth time we had kissed at college. I didn't count the one back in high school. That almost ended our friendship, and yet now we gave a quick kiss throughout the week. It was odd.

There was probably something wrong with us. Our friendship wasn't normal. But I didn't want to change it for anything.

"Enjoy your NOT a date," Corey said with a smile as I closed the door behind me.

Josh and I had mentioned grabbing sandwiches at Subway. That was better for our budget. He had a coupon too. He texted me once outside Dunne, and we walked there.

"Thanks for meeting me," Josh said, as we unwrapped our sandwiches.

"I'm happy to. It's good for me to make new friends."

"Gay friends?"

"I suppose."

"I get you. Last year I was a little apprehensive about getting to know others ... like me. But after my first Prism event, I looked forward to it. I was at ease in a way I wasn't with my other friends."

Josh took a bite of his Italian B.M.T. His was a foot long, but I kept mine as a six-inch sandwich.

"It is nice to be able to talk openly," I agreed.

"Are you out to your roommate and friends on your floor?"

"Ohhhhh, I think all of Dunne Hall knows. It spread around whether I wanted it to or not."

"Any problems?"

"An occasional jerk. But overall, it's cool."

"And your roommate?"

"Perfect. Well, except he's not gay. Dreamy though. Corey and I have been friends since high school. I was hung up on him then. I actually kissed him in high school, but it kind of freaked him out. I hadn't told him I was gay or anything."

"Oh, wow. How did that come about?"

"Nice choice of words. We had both just come. We were naked."

"Uhhhhh. Okay."

We both took a bite while I chose how to tell the story exactly.

"When I was a sophomore, my house was hit by a tornado."

"Holy shit! Wow. I can't imagine what that is like."

"It was crazy. I felt really unsettled. But at the beginning, I stayed a week with Corey at his house."

Josh continued to eat, but his eyes were on me, indicating he was riveted in my details.

"Corey and I became closer friends that week. He was kind of there at a time when I needed him. I mean, we were sixteen, but ... that week could have been tough. I was comfortable at his house. I liked his dads."

"Dadsssss, as in plural?"

"Yeah. His dad is gay. And hot, hot, hot." I took a drink of Pepsi.

"Is it like father like son?"

"Oh yeah. Corey's totally good looking. Which sometimes makes it tough. I'd love for us to be a couple, but, unfortunately, he's straight."

"Bummer."

"Anyway, the final night, we ... kind of jacked off together."

"OoooOOoo."

"Yeah. So anyway. Over the next year, we would occasionally sleep over. We always did it then. Not a lot, you know, just on occasion. In our junior year, I got a car and started picking him up and taking him home from school. We had time to kill one afternoon, and we went to my place first. I asked him if he would ... do it ... before I took him home. He agreed. After we both came, I was rather caught up in the intimacy of the moment that I leaned over and kissed him."

Josh looked at me with his mouth full, but he didn't say anything.

"Totally freaked him out."

"How did you guys get past that?"

"To be honest, I'm not sure."

"He said he felt bad for giving me mixed signals. But ... I was totally in love with him. It wasn't any mixed signals."

"It's nice that you worked through it."

"I kind of think we were even better friends after that ... after it calmed down and everything."

"And you're not in love with him now?"

"No. I'll always have feelings for him. I feel he is my soulmate, platonic or not. But I've accepted that best friends are all we can be."

"You could be friends with benefits."

"He wouldn't be into that."

"I don't know. You jerk off together."

"That was high school."

"And you haven't here? In your own room? Just the two of you?"

I looked sheepish. This was overly personal, and I hated sharing such things about Corey to someone whom I barely knew.

"Just once."

"Maybe he'd be willing to do more."

"As much as I'd love that, I don't want that."

"That makes no sense whatsoever," Josh said, picking up the second half of his sandwich.

"Corey is such a good person. He's so kind and thoughtful and ... supportive and understanding ... and loyal."

"Right. You're not in love with him."

"I'm not! I mean, I love him. But I'm not in love with him."

I convinced myself that what I said was the truth. Before coming to Notre Dame, I vowed I wouldn't allow myself to fall deeply in love with Corey. He was my best friend, and we were fantastic that way. But, damn, we were so close. Hugs. Quick kisses. Masturbating. We were crossing so many wires. Was I fucking with his head? Was he messing with mine?

Fuck!! I didn't want to question this. The two of us were great. We were great friends. Close friends. Why worry about anything else?

"Let's talk about you," I said, to change the subject.

"Hmm." He held up a finger indicating I needed to let him swallow. Josh took a gulp of his drink. "Well, a guy in high school and I sort of came out to each other and-"

"Sort of??"

"Well, we managed to kiss each other. I guess that clears it up, huh?"

"For the most part."

"And we both went off to college shortly after that. We went out on simple dates over the summer, but everything was under the watchful eyes of our parents. All we did was kiss when we had a private moment. That's all we were ready to do."

I took my last bite and wiped my mouth with a napkin. I wrapped my lips around my straw, but my eyes told Josh to continue.

"Last summer, we reconnected. He goes to the University of Nebraska. We're both from there. We met up to talk `college' one day. We quickly learned we still had feelings. Both of us had become more confident by the end of our freshman year. After several dates, we gathered both of our sets of parents together and came out to them."

"Whoa! At the same time?"

"Yeah. His parents were great."

"Not yours?"

"No. They didn't say anything. They were minimally supportive, probably because Gavin's parents were so obvious that they were fine with everything. It took my parents a few weeks, but before I left for this year, they sat me down and made it all good. They're fine with it now. It was just an adjustment."

"So, what now?"

"Gavin and I are long-distance lovers I suppose."

"Still committed, huh?"

"We are. That's why I appreciate you being just nice company. It seems like all the gay people on campus want to find somebody."

I didn't say anything; I just raised my hand.

Josh chuckled. "Okay, that's fair. I don't fault anyone for finding someone they can enjoy life with."

"It's nice that you are faithful even when you're apart," I said.

"I guess. Sometimes it's not that hard, because I do feel like I love him and want only him. And other times I just get horny as hell."

"I take it you did more than kiss over the summer."

"Oh yeah. We discovered the sheer joy of oral sex. We swallow."

"TMI!" I screamed.

Josh laughed.

For a minute, neither of us said anything. I thought it was nice that they wanted to remain boyfriends, but I also knew that would be tough. I also thought this conversation was so incredible — we could actually say such things to other people!

Josh's drink made a loud gurgling sound as he sucked the last of the liquid through his straw.

"Do you ever fuck?" I blurted out.

"No. We haven't really taken it that far. We talked about it once, but neither of us thought we were ready for that."

"Hm."

"You?"

"Yes and no."

"That isn't possible."

"I tried once. I hated it. I asked to stop. Do you know who Roy is?"

"Not Roy!!!"

"What?!"

"That was the first thing I learned at Prism last year: Stay away from Roy."

"Why??"

"All he wants is to show off his big dick. He wants to fuck every guy he can, and he goes for the youngest ones first."

"Good grief."

Josh was silent for a while. "Didn't like it?"

"Hated it. I felt like such a loser."

"Why? Because it hurt?"

"Yeah. I wanted to be this great gay stud, and ... I sucked at it. I'm not sure I'll ever do it again."

"No one says you have to. When two people are right for each other, they either do or don't, but it's not a fucking requirement. Uh ... you know what I mean." He smiled.

We threw our trash away.

"It's nice talking to you, Josh."

"Same here."

"Corey is completely awesome to talk to. He'll listen, even if he doesn't understand. But ..."

"But it's nice to talk to someone who gets it."

"Right."

 

—

 

I opened the door to our room at 10:33. I saw that Corey had turned on the LED lights that outlined the ceiling. I could see him putting his keyboard away. Sam looked like he was about to leave.

"Hey!" I said to him. "Did you guys play music?"

"Well, Corey played. Geoff and I joined in on the singing. Steve was here for a couple of songs. It's funny how guys singing makes people knock on the door as they walk by."

"It was fun," Corey said.

"It was," Sam said. Corey hugged him before he got to the door. Sam thanked him again for including him.

"How was your night?" my roommate asked, once it was just the two of us.

I told him about my evening with Josh and how we were able to connect. I didn't want Corey to get the impression that he couldn't listen like another gay person could, but I delicately conveyed that it was nice to be able to be open with someone who could relate. I felt he understood.

As I walked to my desk, I looked in the trash can. There was a tell-tale tissue in it. I couldn't recall a single time Corey had blown his nose since we had been at Notre Dame. It totally looked like it was formed into a condom, like it covered a dick.

Had he jacked off with Sam? Or Geoff? Or both of them?!

"Did you jack off?" I simply asked.

"What would make you say that?"

"There's a tissue here, and I emptied the trash can this afternoon."

"Could I have not just blown my nose?"

"You could have, but ... did you?"

Corey turned red as a tomato. "Jeez, Aiden. That's kind of personal."

"Did you do it with Sam??"

"Of course not! After you left, I had some privacy and ... well, yeah."

"Oh."

"Was that bad?"

"No. No, of course not. It's just ... it's just that I was ... kind of hoping that we might later." I paused. "No biggie."

I grabbed my toothbrush. I brushed my teeth with such force, I had a rabid froth around my mouth. I wasn't upset, but my body language would have given that impression.

"You okay?" Corey asked.

"Sure." I spit. "Why wouldn't I be?"

I went down the hall to pee. As I was washing my hands, I saw Corey come in a minute after me.

By the time he returned, I was in bed. I didn't wait for a hug. He brushed his teeth and turned out the lights. His lamp went first, then my name lighting and finally the LED outline.

"Good night," he said, as he slipped into his sheets.

"'night."

What kind of fucking jerkhole roommate was I? I left Corey to talk to someone else gay, and then I get all disappointed that he masturbates in private?! What the hell was the matter with me? I was a horrible roommate. He's my best friend not a naked, masturbating accomplice. As much as I enjoyed being with Josh, my mood was dark as I turned to my side, away from Corey.

Ten minutes later, I thought I heard just enough of a wheeze to think Corey was asleep. I turned to look at him. He was on his side facing away from me. My soulmate. My best friend. The one person I could tell or share anything with. I hoped I didn't come off as a dick before bed. My eyes had become accustomed to the darkness. Our nightlight offered just a hint to where I could see "The Journey" above his bed. The two of us were in the center, represented by the wooden figures. Part of me wanted to remove me from the artwork. I wasn't deserving.

 

—

 

I felt something on the bed. Someone was sitting there. It was waking me up. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, I'm going to church," Corey said.

"'K."

"Just wanted you to know."

I crawled out of my covers like a lifeless zombie.

"CanIhvahug?" my mouth tried to say.

He opened his arms and held me for a moment.

"Thank you," I said, and slithered back into my bedsheets.

I needed that. 49.

 

—

 

Geoff knocked on our door shortly after 10.

"Did I wake you?"

"Nah. I was just layin' there."

"Ace won't be back until this evening. You and Corey have plans?"

"Not totally sure, but I think he wants to do a bit of homework just before dinner."

`You missed some good singing last night. We had fun."

"I'm glad. I had a nice evening too."

"Date?"

"No, just a new friend. We talked most of the night."

Geoff told me of the songs they sang. It sounded like they had played for a while. He went on praising Corey for being really talented. They said they tried to write a song together, but they only got bits and pieces done. He was hoping they would one day finish it. I was slightly jealous as Corey and I never wrote a song together. But, again, I was the one who went out.

"Before I left..." Geoff started. "Corey hugged me."

"Mm hm."

"Does he ever hug you?"

"Sure. He's a hugger. His family is super affectionate."

"Hunh."

"If it bothers you, I don't think he would be offended if you asked him not to. I can let him know if you want."

"No, no, no. It's not that. It ... it was nice. I guess."

"Does your family hug?"

"Not my brothers. Only Mom. I'm the middle kid."

"I take it you and Ace don't hug?"

"Heck no. He'd think it was gay."

Geoff froze. His face looked panicked. "Aiden ... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"It's not a problem, Geoff."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You know it doesn't bother me. Oh man, I'm sorry."

I reached out my arms and hugged him. "We're good."

I motioned him to sit down on my bed.

"Geoff, Ace doesn't have an issue with me being gay, does he? Tell me if he does."

"No, he's never said anything. We both felt totally horrible that we got people talking. Ace likes you. I know he wouldn't want anyone to think he was gay, but he's fine with you. We think you and Corey are great friends."

"...fine with me," I sighed.

"Gosh, I've messed up. I'm sorry."

I waved it off.

"I'd be up for lunch. I imagine Corey would be too. He went to church this morning."

"I skipped mass. Without Ace rummaging around, I just slept in."

"Totally get that. I should get motivated, I suppose."

"Holler at me when Corey gets back."

Once the door closed, I looked at the clock. 10:12. I was completely alone for at least another half hour. I knew Corey had masturbated last night. I was such a prick about it, I was confident that we wouldn't do it later.

My hand reached into my briefs. I fondled my balls. I thought about hugging Geoff. I wasn't remotely dressed, but he allowed me to do it. I thought about my bulge lightly touching his sweatpants. It made my dick stiffen. Corey had hugged me earlier. I pictured his arms around my bare back. I had on nothing but briefs. It was wrong to think of my friends that way, but I couldn't help but picture myself naked — in their arms.

My dick was stiff. It was like a banana. I stroked it. It was like a sausage. I softly moaned. It was like a fence post.

My briefs were pulled down a foot.

I closed my eyes and just let my fist work my erection. Thoughts of Corey (naked) popped into my head. Thoughts of Geoff (naked) worked into the picture. Thoughts of Josh (naked) completed the circle. Four guys, all pounding their meat, stroking their rods, panting and gasping and groaning.

My hips squirmed in the sensual visual. I thrust my cock upward off the bed. It felt good. Thinking of guys jerking off with me was a turn on.

I slipped my briefs off and spread my legs. My fist gripped my cock again and stroked harder. Harder. I felt harder. My motions were harder.

I softly grunted, but I couldn't get too loud. I wanted to moan loud but knew I couldn't for who might hear me in the hall.

I pictured Josh's dick explode on his chest. With my eyes shut, I knew I still had a smile on my face. My dick felt so good.

I pictured Geoff shoot a load on his chest. I made him come longer than people do. I just let him shoot for more than a minute. His hips bucked and gyrated as he splattered cum everywhere. My dick felt amazing.

I pictured Corey screaming out and not caring if anyone could hear. His cum sprayed on his chest. Then he aimed his cock next to me to make it shoot like a fountain on my leg. I panted aloud as my dick felt incredible.

Incredible. Euphoric. Corey. Cum. Geoff. Cum. Josh. Cum. Naked. Cocks. Coming.

"Ooooohhhh," I silently groaned.

Thick cum made four stripes up my chest. I breathed aloud as each one painted its path.

Eventually, I exhaled once spent.

I looked at my cum. It was thicker than Corey's. Was it supposed to be the same? Did it matter?

I took my briefs and wiped all the sticky man liquid off my body. As I stared at the ceiling, I thought the orgasm was ... fine. It was okay. But I felt bad picturing my friends like that. Everyone uses their imaginations, right? I still felt like dirt.

I wrapped my towel around my waist and headed to the showers. It didn't occur to me that anyone could see smeared hair above my crotch that should tell them the whole story. I didn't think about that until the shower, but no one had passed me in the hall. I was grateful to suds up my chest and crotch and leave the last half hour behind me.

Once back in the room, Corey was there. We said hello and he pulled off his shirt to change into something lighter. The overnight temperature had been cool, but now it was rather nice. He put on a T-shirt.

I dropped my towel. Since I had already come, my penis was only three to four inches. Corey tried not to glance, but I knew he did. Jeez. I needed to be more private. But I was comfortable around him. I didn't care if he saw me with no clothes. That didn't make it right though. Or at least nice. I turned away from him.

We decided to go out for Mexican. Geoff went for the soft tacos; Corey and I had the customized burrito. We splurged for chips and guac, which the three of us shared. Sam called us just as we sat down with our food. We waited for him to join us, even though the three of us had finished.

"I'm not digging my Advance Language and Culture class," Sam said. "I'm just not clicking with it."

"For me, it's History. Bleh," Geoff added.

I had watched Corey seem to breeze through his classes. He never said anything about any of his courses being difficult. I felt I was doing okay, but it wasn't coming easily. I wondered if he felt smarter than the rest of us.

"Mine is Writing. I never liked writing in high school," I said.

"Really?" my roommate inquired, looking puzzled. "I love writing."

"You were our fucking valedictorian. Of course, you do."

"Don't cuss," Corey scolded. He touched my arm. "Ask me if you'd like me to help."

I noticed Sam and Geoff looked at his hand on my forearm. Did they envy that the two of us were close? Or think it weird?

"Yum. I needed this," Sam said, "This quesadilla is hitting the spot."

"You should taste Corey's cooking," I said.

"Well, I'd LIKE to, but I somehow don't get an invitation."

"Corey's awesome," Geoff interjected.

"I'm not awesome," Corey muttered.

"Bull," Geoff rebutted. "You were great on the keyboard last night. I enjoyed us trying to write a song."

"We kind of flopped at that," Corey chuckled.

"There were bits there," Sam said. "We can pick it up again."

I felt sad that I had missed it.

"I'm glad we did it. Ace isn't a big singer; I'm not sure he would have joined in," said Geoff.

"How much do the two of you do together?" Sam asked.

"I don't know. Quite a bit, I guess." Geoff looked at the ceiling as he pondered the question. "Most meals, for sure. We've done a few milkshake masses together."

"He goes for the milkshakes, obviously," I noted.

"Doesn't everybody?" Sam flatly said.

"Yeah. He doesn't really do mass on Sunday mornings."

"Do you?" Corey asked.

"Most the time. I was raised very Catholic. I guess it is kind of routine. I've met a couple of cute girls."

"Hey! Are you holding out on us?" Sam asked.

"Oh, there's nothing to tell. I went out for lunch one time after the service with Trish. That was about it."

"Why didn't you ask her out again?"

"I haven't seen her! We didn't exchange numbers, and I haven't noticed her at mass since."

"Bummer," said Corey.

"She's ghosting you," I said.

"Probably."

"Nonsense," defended Corey. "I hope you run into her again. Heaven knows I need to try and find someone."

"And WHY is that!?" Sam blurted out. "Why is it that everyone feels they need to find someone to date?"

"You haven't found anyone either, huh?" I said.

"Fuck you, Aiden."

Everyone laughed, except Corey. I noticed he didn't say it, but I saw his lips slightly mouth, "Don't cuss."

"Ace said he was hoping to hook up with a high school chick this weekend back home."

"Sleeps around, huh?" Sam asked.

"I'm not sure. He did ... well, he and this one girl two weeks ago ... well, they did it."

"Fucked?" I said, somewhat clarifying in my tone.

"That's not my word, but ... yeah. No surprise with his dick."

"What's that mean?" Sam asked.

"Oh, he lets it hang out from time to time. He's not shy about dressing after showering. It's kind of big. He shows it freely in the showers."

"More than Earl?" Sam asked.

"Who?" the three of us said in unison.

"Earl the Exhibitionist." We looked at Sam blankly. "Oh, come on! Surely you have seen Earl's cock at some point!"

"Wait. What? Who? How have I missed this?" I joked.

They all laughed.

"Earl. Sophomore. Has a HUGE cock. He loves letting everybody see it. I think he wants all of Dunne to be jealous.

"Hmmm," I said, making Sam laugh.

I noticed Corey was quiet. He was just looking down at his drink.

"Maybe the two of them could have a showdown," Geoff said, snickering.

"I'd buy a ticket," I said.

"Gross," Sam said. "Sorry, no offense, Aiden."

It was fun that I could kind of joke about being gay with my non-gay friends. They didn't give me too much grief. As much as I was goofing around, I remembered being fucked by Roy and hating it. Maybe big dicks shouldn't be something I go for.

After clearing our table, we ventured back to campus.

The four of us spent an hour just throwing frisbees and talking about our families. Sam was one of four kids. Geoff was the middle of three boys. Corey and I were only children.

I felt I had nothing to contribute whatsoever. Corey's family was great, and the other guys had fun stories to tell about their siblings. I had no one. My parents hardly spent time with me. Dad always seemed preoccupied with business growing up. At least he had said some kind words lately.

"I should probably go home soon. Maybe I will next weekend," said Corey. "Want to ride with me?"

Did I want to see my parents? I sort of felt obligated to go with Corey's invitation. The room would seem empty without him. If I had actually been seeing anyone, we could have total privacy, but that didn't seem to be happening. Even if it didn't matter if I wanted to see my parents or not, I would prefer to spend hours in the car with Corey.

But what about our job? Could both of us leave?

When we got back to the hall, Ace had just returned. It was funny — and slightly creepy — that I looked at him differently after the "his dick is kinda big" talk. Part of me wanted to time my next shower with his, but that would make me the total loser Slater accused me of being. It wasn't fair.

Geoff told him everything. Frisbees. Singing with Corey. Tacos. Guacamole. His test Friday. Skipping mass. Tomorrow's lunch menu at the dining hall.

"Okay," Ace said. That was it.

I wasn't the best person — or at least most accurate — at reading people's moods, but something told me that Geoff was let down. I felt he wanted Ace to miss him. Or be missed. He didn't pick up on anything like that. I debated that I may have misinterpreted or exaggerated his response. Then he hugged Corey and me. It was our second hug — and in the same day.

"Thanks guys."

I knew I was right.

"Thanks for asking this morning," I softly said to him. "I enjoyed spending time with you."

Back in our room, I lowered my voice, although we rarely heard our neighbors through the wall. "I kind of think Geoff is jealous of us."

"What do you mean? Of us?"

"Didn't you pick up that Ace didn't act like he missed Geoff or school or any of us?"

"I guess my mind wasn't on that."

Corey landed on his bed and turned toward the wall. He didn't say anything. I didn't think I had said anything wrong, but his body language was indicating he felt hurt. I left him alone for a moment. His mood didn't seem to improve.

"You okay?"

He didn't say anything.

I left him alone and pulled out the assignment I needed to be working on. My eyes read and reread the words on the page over and over, but I was absorbing nothing. I kept looking over at Corey. My best friend. My soulmate. I looked at "The Journey" and the two friends in the middle. I was getting nowhere with my assigned work.

I stood and walked to Corey's bed. For a moment, my body just existed at the edge of his bed. Finally, I crawled onto the mattress and placed my body behind his. My arm wrapped around him.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"I'm not getting nothing from your body language. Tell me."

"It's stupid. I'm stupid."

I pulled him to lie on his back. I leaned up to look at his face. "Stupid is one word that no one can ever use with you. You're the smartest person I know at school. Everything comes easy to you. What's wrong?"

"It doesn't matter."

"We said we would never lie to each other. Something's bothering you, so it does matter. What can I do to help."

Corey's lips blustered a burst of air. "Ha! Nothing."

I leaned down to hold him tight. "I'm here. Tell me. What can I do? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Everything. Me. I'm a mess."

"Why?"

"It's silly."

"Tell me. I'm here."

Corey turned over and buried his face in my chest. He hadn't done that before; I loved it. Our arms were around each other. (I counted it as a hug: 51.)

"Promise not to think bad of me?"

"I'd never think bad of you. Promise."

"We got talking about Ace having sex ... and guys with huge dicks ... and ... and ..."

Corey trailed off. I wasn't sure, but I thought he wiped his eyes on my shirt. I held him tighter.

"I'm here. Go on."

"Aiden, what if – if – if it never happens to me."

"What do you mean?"

"You've seen my dick. It's nothing. What if no one ever wants to have sex with me? What if it isn't good enough for sex?"

"Corey Snow! I've seen you come. Your dick works fine. A penis is a penis. More than half the men on Planet Earth don't have big dicks."

"Yours is bigger than mine."

"But it isn't as big as Roy's. Or apparently Ace's. Or Earl the Exhibitionist."

We both laughed in each other's arms. He let go and rolled onto his back.

"I'm messed up. I've never felt like I'm worthy of anything. I'm just a big nothing."

I leaned up on my elbows and stared at him.

"Okay, let's just stop that shit right now."

"Don't ..."

"And don't tell me not to cuss. I will totally cuss when you say such total bullshit to me! You're fucking valedictorian. You're so good looking, guys in high school — and here — are completely envious, including me. You can write songs and play music and carve and sing beautifully. Where does that leave me?? I'm a total waste compared to you."

"You are not a waste, Aiden Dressel." He hugged me again. "You have no idea how important you are to me."

I reclined back down flat. "Why?"

"If I tell you something, will you promise not to get mad at me?"

What kind of question was that? How was I to know? But as my soulmate, we could tell each other anything.

"I guess."

"Back in high school ... I think our sophomore year ... you had asked me to come over and we had made plans to spend Saturday together."

"Yeah. Okay."

"I had been invited by Vernon and Deanna and Aaron to spend the day with them. I wanted to cancel on you ..."

That hurt. "Cool kids."

"... and Dad and Laramie told me that our family honors commitments. We didn't just trade up. I just wanted to hang with them. The cool kids." Corey rolled toward me. "But you and I had the best day. We talked about everything. Anything. And ... I never felt like I did that day. I guess I always had friends, but that day ... I felt I had a best friend. Ever since, I depend upon you so much. I can tell you anything. So ... yeah, you're important."

"I so wanted to tell you that I was gay that day."

"We jacked off."

I laughed. "Yeah. For the second time."

"I could never do it with anyone else. I couldn't possibly be comfortable. Not that any roommates here are doing it."

"Hoh, I bet you some are. Guys are horny. When do they get private time to do it? I'm sure some just do it together so they can just get the job done. They probably watch porn together and do it."

"No way."

"Surely some guys are as close as we are."

"They probably have big dicks too."

"Just get over that. It's not like you went out and hand selected your penis. It's totally fine."

Corey stared at the ceiling. "If given the choice between yours and mine, would you pick mine?"

Fuck!!! I didn't want to answer this. This was not fair.

"We said we'd never lie to each other. Tell me," he said. "Would you choose your dick or mine given a choice?"

I pushed my face into his shoulder and sighed. "Mine."

"No one will ever want me in bed."

"Fuck that. There are lots of guys exactly like you. Get out of your head." I sat upright and looked down at him. "I've told you in the past, and I'll keep the invitation open. I'd be happy to give you a blowjob any time you want it. Yeah, I want you. I know we are just best friends, but ... I will prove to you that people will want your dick, your body, your entire self."

"I would have said we should jack off, but you just pushed it into gay sex territory." He pushed me out of his bed.

"It's going to be okay," I said. I gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Thanks."

 

—

 

"Oh man oh man oh man," I breathed. "I'm gonna..." Cum shot from my cock. And shot from my cock. And shot from my cock. And spurt more and more. I exhaled loudly.

Corey's fist pounded his cock. The LED lights were set to red. His erection looked red. His skin looked red. His blond hair looked red. His nipples looked red. His bush looked red. He was in his bed squirming and writhing and bucking and thrusting. I watched from my bed anticipating his orgasm.

"OOOoooohhhhh," he moaned. Cum shot up like a fountain. It was a foot above his body. Twice. It kept spurting. He breathed heavily as his climax slowly completed. He looked at his cum and then let his head flop down on his pillow.

"Why do guys always look at their cum after they come?" I asked.

"Do they? I don't know. You've only seen me and you; how do you know other guys do?

"Intuition."

"Maybe they have to figure what they will need to wipe it off."

"Would it help to say I'd love to lick that off your chest and cock?"

"It would not. Uck. Don't make it pervy."

I laughed.

We both reached for our underwear and wiped our chests clean. I loved watching Corey pull on his cock to make sure he got all the sticky liquid off. We threw our underwear to the floor, and I turned out the light. We slipped into our sheets. Naked.

 

—

 

Corey was working at the CCE, so I had Wednesday evening alone. Ace and Geoff had made dinner plans with others. They felt it would be fine if I joined them, but I didn't feel right about intruding. Josh was involved with a meeting with an arts group. A Wednesday evening dining alone would be fine, and I didn't feel a need to go to great effort just to find someone to eat with. It was just food after all.

The North Dining Hall was so close to Dunne, I enjoyed the brief chill in the air that seemed to move in over the afternoon. Back home, I didn't pay a lot of attention to the change of seasons, but I was liking the fall color this year. I didn't have to rake leaves, so I was happy about that. I wondered if Dad was actually going to do it or if he would pay someone. If I went home with Corey for the weekend, would I actually wind up with chores?

The lasagna was okay, but the cheese would have been better if the temperature of the dish was much hotter. I was on my second Coke and wondered if I was doing enough to work off calories. Corey and I talked about walking and running and doing more, but it had mostly been talk. I saw Emanuel across the room. Seeing his body be so overweight made me feel more conscientious about the couple of pounds I could feel I had put on. Not that I was judging him. He was very nice; I liked him. Had he been sitting in here first, I would have joined him, but it looked like he found friends to eat with.

I was fine being by myself.

"May I join you?" someone I didn't know said. He was standing about six feet back and not overly close to the table. He was alone.

"Sure," I said, pointing to the chair across from me.

"Thanks," he said, setting down his meal.

"I don't think we've met. I'm Aiden."

"I know. I'm Brady. Brady McLaughlin."

"Nice to meet you."

"Both of us are in Dunne."

"Ah," I said.

We took a few bites of food without saying anything. There was just a tinge of nervousness to Brady.

"How do you like Dunne?" he asked.

"It's fine. I have some nice friends there."

"Good."

For some reason, my mind was sensing Brady wasn't saying something or wanted to tell me something. There was a nervous twitch to him. Brady was shorter than me. Maybe five foot, eight inches. He had straight brown hair but with a feather wave at the bangs. I liked his clothes; they had a stylish vibe to them.

"I actually had to work up some courage to join you."

"Courage? Why? I don't bite."

"I slipped a note under your door. Did you read it?"

"You're the one?"

"Yeah. I take it you got what I meant."

"I'm assuming so."

"I'm such a coward."

"What do you mean?"

"I thought maybe in college I might actually do something. I was too chicken in high school to really do anything about how I ... felt."

"No boyfriends?"

"Huh!! Hardly. Never did anything, never told anyone, never kissed anyone — boy or girl. I thought maybe in college I'd develop the balls to do something. Then my parents all but forced me into this Catholic school."

"There is an LGBTQ group here. Did you know that?"

"I did. The first get together, I watched from a distance trying to develop the courage to walk up to it. But I was too afraid someone might see me. Again, coward."

"You need to like yourself, Brady. Like who you are."

"I know. I need to. I know I am, so why pretend I'm not gay."

"The priests might want you to," I said sarcastically.

"Yeah. Whatever. I just don't know if this is the right place for me. I don't see it as a place for me to come out. I'm such a coward."

"Why did you slip me the note?"

"Once word was spreading, I became more afraid of saying anything to anyone. The talk!"

"Hmm. Was it bad?"

"Not all of it. There were the `He better not come near my dick' and `Dude sex is so gross' comments. But I heard supportive comments too. It's not like the whole hall was against you."

"Great," I mumbled.

"I at least was brave enough to slide the note. Not that that was anything, but I was hoping you might find it nice that you weren't the only one."

"I see."

We ate some more.

"What's it like? Being `out' and everything?"

"It's fine," I said. "Actually, being able to talk openly, with both my gay and straight friends, is kind of liberating. I remembered trying to hide it all the time in high school. It was like a police car driving behind you, totally freaking you out. Just being me ... I like it. Everyone else might not, but I like being myself."

"Sounds nice."

"Why don't you come with me to the next Prism meeting. I can introduce you to a few people." I then followed. "But stay away from Roy."

"Who's Roy?"

"Junior, big dick, likes to descend on freshmen apparently."

"Guh. I haven't even kissed a guy. I don't see me going that far."

I felt strange emotions. I wasn't necessarily attracted to Brady. It wasn't the looks or anything, but the hiding-who-you-were trait was off-putting to me. Still, I could tell he needed a friend, and I could at least be that. Hell, I'd give him a blowjob, but then he'd fall for me or something.

"So, are you seeing anyone?" he asked.

"Not really. I really liked a guy at the beginning, but he kind of ghosted me. Then Roy found me. At first, I was thrilled that a junior liked me. He just wanted my ass."

"Wow. You have so much experience."

"No. I don't. He was the first dude to fuck me. It hurt so bad. Again, big dick."

"I've done nothing."

"If you come with me to a meeting, you might meet someone."

"But then people would see me and think I'm gay."

"You ARE gay, right?"

"Shhhh."

"Brady, you can't live your life like this. Do you want to be in hiding your whole life?"

"I don't know. I feel brave just sitting with you."

"Not everyone who sits with me is gay, you know."

"I realize that." He was silent. "I'm sorry I sort of forced myself into your dinner."

"Don't be. If you feel it was a step, then ... good. Give me your phone."

I took a selfie. Then I entered my contact info into his phone. I asked him to do the same. When he opened Contacts, Corey's picture came up.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"Man, I wish. I've kind of been hung up on him since high school, but we're just best friends. He's straight."

"But he's your roommate, right?"

"Yes."

"He's handsome as hell."

"Boy is he. It's sometimes tough, but I couldn't ask for a better best friend. Even if we can't be boyfriends, we are very close. His dad is gay too."

"Really!!?"

"Yeah." I suddenly felt that wasn't my place to share that information. Not that Corey's dad kept that a secret, but ... I felt bad for oversharing. "Corey ... my roommate ... is totally fine with me being gay because he's lived with it for a lot of his life."

"That's nice."

I noticed the nervousness in Brady had left him. There was no awkward twitch. Long after we had finished our lasagna, we began talking about other things. Moustaches. Shaving. The dining hall's meatloaf. Writing. Milkshake Mass. Incense. Slater. Algebra.

We opted for some apple cobbler before leaving the hall.

"Thanks for letting me join you," Brady said.

"I enjoyed meeting you," I replied.

"Likewise."

We went to our own rooms; we were on different floors.

I dialed Scott, my old high school flame.

"Hey! What's up?" he answered.

"Nothin'. Just checking on you."

"Sweet."

I told him about Brady and how it reminded me of us the previous year. We reminisced about good times, as well as some of the harder moments. He talked about his favorite classes. I shared my fears about my most challenging ones. There was a comfort level with Scott that returned to me. Had we been roommates, we would have been a good fit. I felt we could live together fairly well without getting on each other's nerves.

"Are you seeing anyone?" he asked.

"No, not really." I told him of my experiences with Donny and Roy.

"Are you still in love with Corey?"

"Love?? We're best friends. We aren't lovers."

"Oh, Aiden. Even I could see it in high school. If Corey was gay, you'd be all over him."

"Well ... if that was the case, we would be a couple probably. But he's not. I love him as a friend."

"Um hm."

"Fuck you, Scott."

He laughed.

"And you?" I asked.

"Yeah. We've only been out on a few dates, but I like him. He's so nice. He's from Norway. Some exchange thing, I think. I'm not sure I fully understand it."

"He came to America and chose Nebraska!!?"

"He seems to like it. It's not like we have nothing here."

"Kind of dullsville."

"Hey! Not everybody can be at Notre Dame."

"Have you fucked?"

"Jesus, Aiden. So personal!"

I laughed.

"But no. We aren't ready for that. Maybe soon. I don't know. We gave blowjobs on our second date. That's where we are."

"That's cool."

"Love his dick."

"Tell me more."

"Nope. That's off limits. My sex life is my sex life."

"Tease."

We both went quiet.

"It's good to hear your voice, Aiden."

"Same here."

Scott and I offered polite phrases on our dating lives and upcoming midterms. While it was nice to catch up, we didn't have much in common nowadays, so our conversation couldn't go on for much longer. I just enjoyed reconnecting with him. We said our goodbyes with the promise to call every now and then.

 

—

 

"Are you digging into the snacks already? We've only been on the road a half hour," Corey scolded.

"That's why they are here," I said.

Corey took a drink of his Dr Pepper. "I guess."

"Tell me the gameplan again."

"Well, since I have two sets of parents, I'm staying with Mom, but hope to see Dad and Laramie as much as I can. We are going out for dinner tomorrow night. If your family would like to join us, they can."

"I'm not sure with Mr. and Mrs. Blah, but I'll try to talk them into it."

Corey chuckled. "I'll pick you up at 8:45 Sunday morning, and we will do Coffee at 9 with my group of friends. After lunch, we'll head back to school."

"Are you seeing any high school friends?"

"Nah. Since this is the first time home, I'm giving Mom and Dad the full visit, divided as it is. Plus, most of our friends are away at college anyway."

"True."

The time passed more easily than I thought. Had I been alone, it would have been a drag. I could do anything with Corey and it would be fun. When we worked at the CCE, I liked our work. When we did laundry, I liked our time together. When we drove together, it seemed fun. Had I stayed back at school, I would have been lonely. It was nice that the CCE was understanding to let us both be off tomorrow.

We pulled into my driveway.

I sighed. "Okay, I guess I can manage to be with my parents for 36 hours."

Corey laughed and said, "It'll be okay."

I grabbed his collar and pulled him toward me. "I can't do this a minute from now." I gave him a quick kiss. "Now it will be okay." He leered at me and then smiled.

The two of us walked into the house. Nothing had changed. It had only been two months, but there wasn't a single thing different about the home I'd left. That should have been comforting, but I found it odd for some reason. I felt I had changed. I wasn't the 18-year-old who left this house weeks ago.

Corey was very nice to my parents, and they seemed genuinely pleased to see him. He spoke of dinner tomorrow. Judging from their response, I felt optimistic our two families might get together.

I gave him a hug, and then Corey walked back to his car, taking half of my soul with him.

He had been gone 30 minutes, and I missed him already.

 

__

 

It was 11:10. I texted, "You up?"

Thirty seconds later, "Sup?" came back.

I called. "How was your night?"

"Awesome," he answered. "Mom and Daryl made my favorite dessert. They had it waiting. We had time to stream something. I tried to get caught up on some Marvel content. They were willing to watch with me, but they had so many questions. But ... it was nice being with them."

"No cracks about your hair length?"

"Nope." He paused. "But ... I might cut it in time for Thanksgiving or Christmas."

"I thought you liked it long."

"I do. It's okay. With family and relatives and everything, I just thought I might."

"You look beautiful no matter what."

"Flatterer."

"You know you do. You can try to be all humble, but every guy wishes they looked like you."

"They haven't seen my dick."

"Will you get over that! You're fine."

Neither of us knew what to say next.

"It feels weird with you being over there and me over here," I said.

"I know. You'd think we'd both love our own space. But ... yeah. I wish you were here."

My heart melted into warm goo. I was sure I would listen to him say that over and over in my mind all night.

"We could jerk off on Facetime," I said.

"NO! I'm never doing anything like that on a phone! You'd blackmail me when I am 40 or something."

"I would never do anything to hurt you. Don't even insinuate that."

"I'll see you at McGee's tomorrow. Good night, Aiden."

"Good night, Corey."

I plugged my cell into the charger on my nightstand. There was enough ambient light through the window to slightly illuminate the walls in my room. I thought about "The Journey" hanging over Corey's bed back at school. Thank heavens we were on the journey together.

I just wished we were side by side on one of our beds, hard as rocks, stroking our cocks.

I texted: "I started. My dick is steel." Then I thought he would think me some pervert and I regrated sending the text.

Forty seconds later, his reply: "I am way ahead of you."

I smiled. Thirty seconds later, I texted: "Are you naked?"

Immediately: "Underwear on the floor."

Two minutes later: "I'm close."

Then nothing. I paused. I was so close. Then the silence caused my erection to wane.

What happened?

Finally: "Sorry. It was all over me. Had to clean up."

I had work to do. It took me a minute and a half to get where I was. I was hard again. My cock was throbbing again. My fist was pounding harder. I thought of Corey cleaning cum off his stomach. Then I erupted. I felt each line of cum hit me in the darkness. I moved my dick like a hose for each shot to have a different path. I exhaled.

I turned on the lamp on my nightstand and took a picture of my white cum everywhere on me.

Sent.

A text came back: "Perv." Followed by: "That was fun."

My cum rags were still in my nightstand. I wiped myself off and turned out the light. I slept naked.

 

—

 

I enjoyed a cup of coffee with my parents at breakfast. I had never done that in high school. I liked coffee fine, but it wasn't until Corey and I went to breakfast at ND that I got into it. He has it almost every day. Has for years.

"What are your favorite courses?" my mother asked.

I went through the classes I enjoyed the most, which ones seemed the hardest, and the one that I dreaded. Writing.

"I never liked to write, either," she said.

"Do you have any classes with Corey?" my father asked.

"Sadly, no. We're going to try to find something together next semester. Things just didn't align this time."

It was quiet for a minute. Dad fidgeted. He finally asked, "Are you two boyfriends?"

"Corey and me? No! We're just best friends."

"He's very handsome," my mother offered.

"That he is. But he is also straight. We're close, but ... just friends."

Friends who hug, friends who kiss, friends who lay naked and masturbate next to each other. We were best friends. Close friends. But not typical friends. I wondered how we would classify our friendship. The fact that we didn't disclose our closeness to others made it almost feel like we had something to hide.

Did we?

"He knows your gay though," Dad followed.

I hated this conversation. It was the first time my parents and I ever said the word gay in each other's presence. It was awkward and clumsy.

"Yes," I sighed.

"And he's fine with that?" my mother asked.

I looked at both of them in disbelief. I outstretched my hands and raised them to shoulder height. "Hello? His dads???"

"I suppose," my father said. "I didn't know if that would make him accepting of someone his own age."

"Dad, we've been friends since junior high," I said flatly. "Corey knows me. I – I actually kissed him when we were juniors. Trust me, he knows."

"Oh, goodness," Mom said, putting her hand on her heart.

"It's fine, Mom. He was surprised, but we worked through all that. We both realize we can be friends without being boy-friends. Corey's a champ. I couldn't ask for a better friend."

Or boyfriend, if the universe were to intervene.

"That's nice." Dad took a sip of coffee. "So, do you have a boyfriend?"

As much as I hated this conversation that my parents were trying to stumble through, I smiled. They were trying. Trying.

I reached over to each of their hands at the kitchen table.

"Thank you for showing an interest. I'm sure it feels weird to talk about this. For me too. But ... thank you. I appreciate you showing me you care."

"Of course, we do," my mother said. "We may not know the right words to use, but ... of course we care."

I smiled at her, resisting an eye roll. "Regular words are fine, Mom."

I told them that I had become a part of NDPrism. I told them about a few dates, foregoing the sexual details with Donny and Roy. I even told them about Brady, and how he was scared to be himself, like I was back in the early years of high school when I knew.

I'm not sure if there is a teenager on the planet that wants to talk about sex or sexuality with their parents, but I did feel better about being just me. Honest. Plain. Nothing to hide. I could say what I wanted, what I chose.

They didn't look necessarily happy, but they weren't repulsed either. I took that as a win. I knew I needed to give them time to adapt to a new dynamic to our family relationship. And I reminded myself I didn't see my parents often happy anyway.

I had brought home about two weeks' worth of laundry, so I started to make a dent in that. I threw in the cum rag just to get it washed. It felt pretty crusty, which made me smile. I had a great orgasm with our text masturbation the night before.

Corey said he was dedicating time to family. My parents and I didn't make any real plans between now and the arranged dinner. I went to my room and stared at my Writing project. I didn't accomplish anything. I just stared at it. These things came so easily to Corey. I momentarily questioned if I was college material. But I had managed to get my grade average high enough to be accepted. It just wasn't easy for me. I just tried to keep up with Corey so we could share the same classes in high school.

Once I had folded my clothes and placed them neatly in my basket, I stared at them. A few things I could leave at the house and take some warmer clothes back with me. It's a shame we only had so much room. However, I was eager for fall. I liked the end of the year with the cooler temperatures and the string of holidays.

I slipped my cum rag into the basket. It was a good idea to take it with me. The sheets were fine in the duffle bag. I didn't care if they looked wrinkled.

Mom was reading in the living room. I went in with a glass of iced tea and asked what she was working on. She was now part of a book club, and she gave me a synopsis on the latest book the ladies were reading.

"Are you still volunteering at the food bank pantry?"

"Two mornings a week," she answered. "I always feel good about helping people who need food, but I also feel sad that so many families are in that position. Thank heavens we never had to endure such hardship."

That was true. I never wanted for anything from a material standpoint. My parents gave me most things I wanted, not that I ever asked for much. Deep down, I probably just wanted them to notice me. I was always content being by myself with my electronics in my room. It's funny how college changed that. I just wanted to spend time with Corey. And my gay friends. And Geoff and Ace and Sam...

"Are you still working part time?"

"I am. It's only 20 hours, but it lets me contribute to buying groceries and whatnot."

"Now that I'm gone, there's probably less to clean around here."

"I wouldn't go that far. We still use the kitchen, of course. I gave your room a good cleaning after you left, but you never cluttered the house much. You kept to your room."

My haven. My lair. My bedroom of solitude.

It was where I wondered if any of my friends truly liked me.
It was where I wondered if I was gay.
It was where I began looking at porn.
It was where I wanted to look at men more than women.
It was where I began getting off to naked women ... for one week.
It was where I fell in love with Corey.
It was where I questioned if my parents knew I was gay — and if they would love me if I was.
It was where I wondered if my parents loved me.

"I think Corey and I have the cleanest room on our floor at school."

"Well, that's nice." Mom looked at her book.

"I'll let you get back to your reading."

"All right."

"Whatcha doin'," I texted from my room.

There was a pause. A minute later: "In the middle of a board game with Mom and Daryl. About done."

"See you at dinner."

Home felt lonely. College didn't. I missed Corey. I missed Sam and Ace and Geoff and Josh. I wondered if I should try to call any high school friends. But who? I didn't stay in touch with hardly anyone, and they were all at their colleges.

I worked on another assignment. I'd leave Writing for later.

My father asked if I would like to accompany him to the post office. That sounded incredibly boring, but I was bored anyway, and it was something to do together. Inside the post office, he used the automated teller to enter addresses and print postage. I stuck the postage onto each envelope. I crinkled all the backing material into a crunchy ball and threw it away. How odd that I enjoyed these few minutes. Nothing about it was fun, but I did it with Dad.

What would it be like to have dads like Corey's? They loved each other so much. They showed it. They showed it to their son. They did stuff with their son. Corey was so lucky. Our family probably had more money, but ... Corey had everything.

 

—

 

My expression at seeing Corey's family probably illuminated the whole room. I didn't realize I would smile like I did, but it was ... headlights.

Our family had never eaten at McGee's, to my knowledge. It wasn't close to the house, but it wasn't far either.

Mr. Snow held out his hand to shake my father's. Larry followed. Mom did the same. Soon, I was in a grizzly bear hug with both his dads. Larry lifted me off the floor. I saw my mother look a little surprised. Larry kissed me on the cheek, and my father's eyes widened a bit.

We all took our seats. Three were empty for Corey, his mother and Daryl.

We glanced at the menu while we waited. A minute later, they arrived. Fuck, I hadn't seen Corey for only 24 hours, but it felt like years. My roommate/my soulmate had been missing.

"I hope we haven't kept you waiting for long," Daryl said, extending his hand to my parents.

"Oh no," my mother said, shaking his hand.

Mrs. Perkes shook my father's hand and then hugged me tightly. Then she hugged my mother. I could see Mom's arms flail slightly at the unexpected greeting. Corey hugged my parents too, and then went around the table to be engulfed by his fathers' arms. He hugged me and then sat in the empty chair next to me.

My mother leaned over to me. "My. They are certainly an affectionate family," she whispered.

"Yes. Corey's family is loving."

There were numerous ways to interpret that. I hadn't intended any snark underneath the words, but I wondered if my mother took it that way.

"I've never actually been here before," my father said.

"This was the place of the first dinner Cooper and I had together," Larry said. "It wasn't a date then, but ... we still come here on our anniversary every year."

They looked at each other and gave each other a quick peck on the lips. I could feel my mother stiffen just by the particles in the air around us. Their moment of affection reminded me of our morning kisses out the door.

"What do you consider your anniversary?" Corey asked. "You aren't married."

"January 1, the day I made up my mind that Laramie was the one," Mr. Snow said. "That was the day I let him know I wanted us to be together."

The two of them smiled at each other.

"Should we?" Larry mumbled.

"Okay," Mr. Snow whispered.

"Aiden, you'll be home for Thanksgiving, right?"

"Yes."

"We'd like you to be at Friendsgiving."

"Okay. I enjoyed it last year."

"Well, our anniversary date might have to change," Larry told the table. "Cooper and I are getting married that day."

"GET! OUT!" I screamed. I realized I was the loudest at the table, and everyone in the restaurant looked our way.

Everyone at the table shrieked their excitement with smiles and a string of adjectives — "wonderful," "awesome," "terrific" — except for my parents. They smiled.

"It's about time!" Corey said, grinning from ear to ear.

I was swarmed with this sudden warmth of love at the table. Their announcement was so unexpected, it had an essence of electricity.

"Let me guess, Jakob is handling everything," Corey said.

"You know it, kiddo," Larry answered. "So far, Lance and Jakob are the only ones who know. We swore them to secrecy, but ... we need to make sure it is okay with Mike and Trent. It's their house after all. We're keeping it simple."

"I can't wait!" I said enthusiastically.

I hoped my parents were okay. There was so much gay-ness and affection and love in our corner of the restaurant, I was wondering if they were being smothered.

Our server took our drink order. My father had iced tea, and my mother had a glass of water. Everyone else had soft drinks. The server asked how the bill was to be divided. We did it three ways. Mr. Snow took care of Corey's dinner.

"The burgers here are amazing," Larry told my parents.

My mother looked at peanut shells scattered about. Corey and I were already crunching on some.

The menu offered two salads. My mother chose one of them, and my father ordered a grilled chicken dinner with pico de gallo on it. Everyone else had burgers.

When the food arrived, our server set something called The Panhandler in front of Larry.

"My goodness. I'm not sure how I would even attempt to eat that," my mother said of the elaborately layered burger.

"It's to die for," said Larry.

"Can you pass me the ketchup please?" Corey asked.

Larry handed him the bottle.

"Thanks, Dad," he said.

I saw Larry momentarily pause. A small grin formed on his lips.

Dinner was fantastic. I could tell my parents found their less-than-fancy dinners quite acceptable, and everyone else loved their burgers. There was enough Jackson Bend talk to engage my parents, so all the adults got along quite well. Corey was taller than me, but I felt we qualified as adults too. But when a person is with their parents, it is easy to always feel like a kid.

 

—

 

My alarm went off at 7:45. I showered and made myself look presentable. I went down to the kitchen. Mother had made me waffles. I thanked her and kissed her on the cheek. I had never done that. It threw her, but I saw her smile at the corners of her mouth. Better yet, it made me smile. She made sure I had everything I needed, and then she said she needed to get ready as she and my father were attending mass today.

They didn't attend every week, but I had a hunch that all the gay love the night before either nudged them into going, or they wanted me to know they still held to their principles. It made the awkward gay talk the day before even more impressive.

I had all my belongings by the door, ready for Corey to pick me up.

My father was dressed in a suit; Mother was in a nice dress. Corey arrived at the right time to say goodbye to them. Once the car was loaded, we headed to Joe to meet Corey's coffee group at 9 o'clock.

Everyone else was apparently there. I slightly remembered Emory and Don from Larry's art show last year. There were two gentlemen I didn't really know, but one of them I thought was Mitch. Mr. Snow and Larry were the other two. It was two tables for four pulled together to seat eight.

"It's nice to see you, Aiden," Don said.

"Thank you."

Corey went around the table giving and receiving a hug from everyone. Once seated, he introduced me.

"Mitchell, L.B., this is my roommate Aiden."

"We might have ... met ... at Friendsgiving last year ... maybe?" Mitchell said.

"Perhaps," I said.

"Speaking of Friendsgiving..." Mr. Snow started.

Corey and I got all wiggly like little kids knowing a secret.

"Everyone is planning on attending, right?" he followed.

The table nodded.

At that time, Brad, the server walked up.

"Oh, Brad, I'm glad you're here," Mr. Snow said.

"Cooper is making an announcement," Larry said.

"We have decided to get married, and it will take place at Friendsgiving."

Everyone cheered. I noticed Corey looked intently at Mitchell. Mitchell smiled at him letting him know it was okay.

"I'm happy for you both," Mitch said, "Just in case anyone was wondering."

Everyone smiled at Mitchell, and L.B. patted his hand. But I recognized something in his smile. I recognized the conflict of a smile and eyes that didn't agree. I recognized a smile that said, "I'm happy and heartbroken at the same time." Mitchell once loved Corey's father deeply, but he didn't get him in the end. I felt the same about Corey. I knew in high school we could never be romantic, but we were great best friends. There was a bittersweet edge to loving someone who can never fully be yours, but you are grateful they are in your life. I could see it. He may have been happy for them, but there was pain there. I recognized it. It looked like me in the mirror at times.

A minute later, Brad swooped in with two raspberry kolaches for the two grooms. "For the happy couple!"

"Bring some for the whole table, Brad. On me," Mitchell said.

"I –" came out of my mouth, almost to resist because I had just had waffles. But, fuck, they smelled like glazed heaven. I was having one.

"When do you guys head back?" Emory asked.

"Soon," Corey answered. "We'll have an early lunch. I want to see Destiny a bit too. I need to grab some sweatshirts and a coat too."

It took me a moment to remember that Destiny was the cat at his father's house.

"Maybe lunch won't need to be as big," I said as a steaming kolache was placed before me."

Everyone chuckled.

"It's hard to believe that when I met you, Corey, you were like eleven, twelve," Mitchell said. "You were wrapping up elementary school and had short hair. Now you're taller than me."

"I'm thinking about cutting my hair."

"Well, that alone will give your mother an orgasm," Larry said.

"LAR-uh-MEEEE!" Corey's father chided. "I'll thank you not to say such things about my ex-wife."

Corey snickered, and I was totally laughing. So was Emory, mostly at seeing Larry get into trouble.

We enjoyed coffee for close to 90 minutes. Brad had cleared the dishes long ago. We all took our last sips and stood. After we pushed in our chairs, others came around to our side of the table.

"We're huggers," Mitch said. He and L.B. hugged each of us. I noticed Corey held onto Mitch for a particularly long hug.

"I'm so glad you are still in my life," I heard Mitch whisper.

L.B. hugged me. I breathed in as I was pressed to his body. He had a masculine scent I really liked. I pictured him out of the shirt he was wearing. His shoulders and muscles filled the sleeves. I knew he was a hunk underneath it.

Emory and Don gave us solid hugs as well.

"I sure miss you, kiddo," Emory told Corey.

"I'm glad everything is going well with you two," Corey said back.

"We'll see you at the house," Corey's dads told us.

Twenty minutes later I found Corey completely adorable as I watched him interact with their cat. He had a special voice for Destiny that I had never heard him use elsewhere.

We didn't stay long as we grabbed some fast tacos. None of us felt like we needed that many after decadent breakfast sweets.

As we stood by our cars, his family tried their hardest to not get teary.

"Man, I miss you," Larry said. Their arms were an octopus. "It was good to see you."

"Same for me," Corey said, while receiving an enormous smooch on his cheek from Larry. So often he gave his parents grief for showing affection, but after being away for a couple of months, it seemed like he missed it. "Thanks, Dad. I'm excited for you guys. Can't wait."

"I love you," Mr. Snow told his son.

"Me too, Dad. Both of you." He looked into his father's eyes. "Let me know if I can do anything for the wedding."

I received strong hugs as well. Then we got inside Corey's car and waved through the windshield as we backed away. Both of his dads wiped a tear from their eyes. They were such softies.

"Good grief. I'm hugged out," Corey said as we backed up.

Neither of us would be remotely hungry, and we planned to be back to campus for dining hall hours. The cooler just had a few sodas.

"This morning was awesome."

"Yeah," Corey replied. "I enjoyed the whole weekend. Did you? Did you enjoy being with your family?"

"Not as much as being with yours. Those were the best parts."

"Oh."

"But it wasn't bad or anything. Just not as nice."

"Or as gay."

I laughed hard. "True."

We didn't say anything for a while. Corey paid attention to directions to get on the right highway.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" I started. "You're not gay, but you are surrounded by it, it seems like. Do you ever feel like you ... don't fit into those ... things?"

"Not really. I don't see them as gay people. I see them as people. Family, friends, that kind of thing. I know they are gay, so when something is mentioned that ... is gay-esque ... then I understand it. I don't have to be gay to fit in."

"GAY-ESQUE!! That is totally my favorite new phrase."

Corey chuckled.

"Are you excited about the wedding?"

"It's SOOOO overdo," he said. "Yeah. I am. I mean, it really won't change anything. But it will be official and all. I'll like seeing rings on their fingers."

"They're so hot."

"Stop that. Those are my dads."

We were silent again.

"Mitchell put on a good front."

"You don't think he was happy?"

"I think he was. But ... the officialness of a former love not choosing you had to hurt some."

"I guess. I'm just glad we are friends. The older I get, I see how hard it was that it worked out that way. We had friends in high school that broke up and never spoke to the other again."

"Yeah."

I thought of Donny and Roy. We didn't ever talk. It wasn't like that was my choice. They just sort of ended it.

"How well do you know L.B.?" I asked.

"Not well. He only came to Coffee at 9 two or three times before I went to college. I'd see him very rarely. But Mitch quite a bit. I'm glad for that."

"He's kind of yummy."

"Okay you! Can we pair you up with someone YOUR age, please?"

 

—

 

When we took a pee break, I offered to drive for a while.

As we talked, Corey somehow became an amazing tutor. He talked with his hands about my challenges with Writing. He even scribbled on the back of some papers in his backseat to show me things. We talked about punctuation. We talked about voice. We talked about structure. I still hated to write, but at least I felt I was on better footing for my assignment.

The drive back didn't seem that bad.

Geoff had texted asking where we were and if we would be back for dinner. He and Ace met us in the parking lot and helped us carry stuff up.

Following the love fest of Corey's family, it was amusing that this small group of guys didn't hug or do anything.

Following dinner, I sat down with my assignment. Corey reached into his desk and pulled out a thesaurus and dropped it on my desk with a whack. "Here."

"Leave it to the valedictorian to have a fucking thesaurus in his desk."

"Don't cuss. Here. May I point out a few places this will come in handy?"

"Sure."

He gave me pointers and then let me finish on my own. I worked on it for over an hour. Following our drive ... and his tips ... and the thesaurus, I thought my writing was much better than when I had it pulled up at the house.

"Would you be willing to read it?" I asked.

"Sure."

Ten minutes later, my roommate looked at me. "It's good. Really good. Don't you like it better than when you started?"

"DUH! Of course." I walked up to him. "You made it better." I hugged him.

"You did all the writing."

"You're a good teacher."

"Now, just pay more attention in class."

I stopped hugging him and shoved him in the chest.

As we turned in for the night, I looked at my name illuminated on the wall. I looked at "The Journey." We were back home. Corey was my home.

 

—

 

We were grateful we had brought some warmer clothes. By late October, nights were very cool.

I talked Brady into accompanying me to an NDPrism gathering. He was so nervous. He was so scared to be around gay people — even though he himself was gay. As the night progressed, he seemed to relax.

"This is kind of nice."

"I thought you'd like it." Scanning the room, I said, "And you might just meet somebody."

"I'm not sure if I'm ready to date, but ... I would say there are some cute guys here."

"And I should be putting myself out there too."

Unexpectedly, I saw Donny in the corner. Our eyes met. We didn't smile big. He gave me a small smile. Then a small wave. I gave a simple wave back. Then I looked away. I didn't know why I felt put off by seeing him, but I did. I still felt ghosted.

"Brady, I want to do something."

"Huh? What?"

"Can I kiss you? I want someone to see me kiss you."

"Um... huh?"

My lips were on Brady's and his arms flailed a bit. Then he relaxed. I separated our lips, then I kissed him again. Our hands held each other's shoulders.

When we separated, I could no longer see Donny.

"Sorry about that. It was kind of a dick move, but I didn't want Donny to think I was just all alone without him."

"But ... you aren't seeing anyone."

"I know. I'm an idiot. I just didn't want him to know that."

"Well, I guess I can now say I've been kissed."

"Oh. Yeah. Was it okay?"

"Yeah. Very much so. I – I – I probably will remember it for as long as I live."

"Well, fuck. Your first kiss should have been more special than that. I messed that up. I'm sorry I just forced that on you."

"I'm okay. Trust me. Tonight has been huge."

I took a risk there. I was hoping Brady wouldn't fall for me. He was attractive enough, but we were in different places. I wanted to suck dick now; he just received his first kiss. Different planes.

"Want another drink?" he asked.

"Sure. Thanks."

Man. Had I screwed up? I didn't see Brady and me as a couple. I didn't feel the same way that I did about Donny. Fuck Donny. I wanted to fuck Donny. Donny pissed me off.

A minute later, he came back with two drinks.

"I met Roy."

"What!? What did he say."

"He told me he thought I was cute. He thought it might be fun to go out."

"What did you say?"

"I said I was taken. I pointed to you."

"Ohhhhhh, Brady. I'm sorry. I really gave you the wrong impression with that kiss."

"No, you didn't. I did the same thing you did."

We giggled together.

 

—

 

"Man, I need tah get laid," Ace said. He was sitting on his bunk. Geoff was on his. Corey and I were in their chairs.

"Spare us your urges, Ace," Geoff said.

"It's been four weeks," he said. "Mah dick's too big to just not get any."

"Every guy here is horny," I said. "It has nothing to do with the size of your dick."

Corey rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Maybe if you got to a third date, you'd have a better chance," Geoff said.

"I can usually get in bed on the first date if the chick is right. Definitely two."

"So, what goes wrong? Why aren't you finding a real girlfriend?"

"Dunno. Maybe I come on too strong. Back home, it's easy. Here, it is harder."

"Maybe girls have a little more maturity and morality here," Corey said.

"Fuck you, Corey. Like you can make any judgements. Yah haven't had a single date. And yah look like a god. What's your deal?"

"I just ... I just," Corey stammered. "I haven't really met someone I want to go out with."

"It's a fucking huge campus. Find someone!" Ace said. "You're handsome as hell. Any gal would be lucky to go out with yah."

"Thanks. I guess."

Later that evening, just as we were turning in, we hugged. 63. Corey looked glum.

"You okay?"

"Not sure. Ace is right. I'm the one holding myself back."

"And why are you?"

"I don't know!" he screamed. "What is the matter with me? I just. Don't. Feel. Ready. I don't feel worthy."

"Oh, come on. There has to be a ton of girls just hoping you will ask them out."

"Then what?"

"Go out with them!"

"What if they want sex?"

"If you're ready, have sex! If you're not, see if she is willing to wait until you're ready. If she isn't, move on. Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

"What if I want it, but I won't be good at it? What if you need a big dick like Ace's to be good at it?"

"Jesus, Cor'! Stop torturing yourself. Trust me. Your dick is totally fine. Just go out with someone you like."

"Maybe."

I leaned over his bed. "It'll be okay." I kissed him gently. Twenty-two. "Want to jack off?"

"Nah. I'm not feeling it. Sorry."

We turned out the lights.

"Corey?" I called out in the darkness.

"Yeah?"

"I'm worried that this whole penis thing bothers you this much. We do ... we do have school counselors on campus if you feel it would be healthy to talk to someone."

"Yeah, right. Like I'm going to talk to some strange adult about my penis size. No thank you."

I heard him roll toward the wall. I felt bad I couldn't make him feel better.

 

—

 

It was the last Friday of October. Corey and I had no real plans for Halloween weekend. We'd work the CCE on Saturday. Sunday was a blank page. We'd figure something out.

He had been so excited that my Writing paper had received such a good score. He refused to accept any credit for it. I knew it was because of his help. He guided me to a better grade, and it certainly helped my confidence.

I turned off my shower. The hot water had helped chase the chill of the overnight. I could hear Corey's shower still going.

I dried myself off and wrapped my towel around me. I walked over to the sink to shave. I liked how my moustache had grown in, but the beard stubble was still too spotty. It didn't look good.

Fuck. Slater was at a sink.

"Oh, goodie," he said. "Well, Aiden, thanks for at least covering up your dick. We aren't interested in seeing it."

"Give it a rest, Slater."

I heard Corey turn off the water at our conversation. In the mirror I could see him checking on me.

"I'm kind of surprised they don't give you your own bathroom. That way you could expose your gay penis however you wanted."

"At least I have something between my legs! You probably have nothing under there!"

Then my eyes met Corey's in the mirror. His body stood stiff. My eyes widened. We froze.

No.

He grabbed his things, and with his towel wrapped around his waist, he headed down the hall.

No!

I stared at my reflection. My face twisted into one of horror and pain. What had I done?!

NO!

Fuck.

Fuck!

"Noooo!!!" I whimpered.

Tears welled up in my eyes and there was no way to stop them. I fell apart. I held the sink to keep from collapsing. I began to sob for saying that in front of my friend.

"No, no, no, no," I pleaded to no one. I sobbed uncontrollably.

Someone had walked in and saw me falling apart. Through my blurred vision, I couldn't make out who it was. Someone else stepped out of a shower to see what was going on.

"Hey, hey," Slater said. "Aiden, I – I didn't mean that. Don't ... don't get upset. I'm sorry."

"Fuck you, Slater," I muttered through tears and snot. I grabbed a paper towel and blew my nose. Then I scooped up my toiletries and raced down the hall. Tears poured from me. A few other students noticed as I raced by, visibly upset.

I burst through our door. Corey didn't look at me. He had underwear on, and he was pulling a T-shirt over his head.

A torrent of tears washed over my cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to hear that. I'm sorry."

Corey said nothing.

I wrapped my arms around him. The towel fell from my waist and my body was exposed in my hug with him. Corey didn't hug me back.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I would never hurt you. I love you. I'm sorry." I kissed Corey on the lips.

"Stop."

I wailed in my despair. "I'm sorry! Corey, I'm so sorry. I would never mean to hurt you."

I kissed him harder.

"Please stop."

Corey pulled up jeans. I continued to sob. I was naked and crying and horribly pathetic.

"Please forgive me. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean any of that. It was just ... just ... FUCK Slater!"

Corey grabbed his tablet and walked to the door.

"Corey! Please! Please forgive me. I'm so sorry."

The door closed, and I cried horribly for more minutes than I could count.

A knock was at the door. "No," I muttered.

Geoff opened it. "Hey, I thought I heard something."

He saw me sitting naked on the floor, curled up to my knees, my hands over my face.

"Aiden, what is it?! What's wrong? What happened?"

"I – I – I can't talk about it. Just leave me alone, Geoff. I'm a fucking mess," I cried.

"What can I do? How can I help? What is it?"

"I'm a fucking ass. No one can do anything! Oh, God. I hate myself. I'm such an asshole."

Geoff held me. Later I would realize how brave this was for him to hold a naked, gay guy without knowing the reason. Geoff was a good friend.

"Just go, Geoff," I whimpered. "I fucked up. I'll just have to figure out what to do."

 

—

 

At 9 o'clock, I texted: "I'm really, really sorry. Please forgive me."

Corey didn't reply.

At noon, I tried to call. He didn't answer. I left a plea for forgiveness.

He didn't return to the room for us to go to dinner. Ace and Geoff asked me to go with them. I told them I wasn't hungry. I texted him again. He didn't answer — again.

I walked all the evening hours on the campus. I couldn't be in our room, alone. The room seemed judgmental without him.

I finally went to Dunne at 10. Ace and Geoff saw me come down the hall. I unlocked the door to find it empty.

"He's not here he's not here he's not here." My face twisted into pain and tears formed again. "Fuuuuucccccck."

Geoff held me. "It'll be okay."

"I don't know how it can be."

"What happened with y'all?" Ace asked.

"I – I – I can't talk about it."

How could I? My best friend is self-conscious about his penis, and I went and made an insulting comment about guys with short dicks. Fuck ME!! How was I so stupid?! How was I so unthinking?! I could never explain this to anyone. It would invade Corey's privacy. It would make me sound like the world's biggest ass. Because I was.

"Just ... just leave me by myself, guys. Thanks."

They started to leave.

"Wait! Maybe he will answer one of you. Please text him."

"I will," Geoff said.

After a few minutes, there was no reply. The guys left.

I brushed my teeth and curled up into a ball in bed. In the darkness I felt my stomach twist in knots. I was in hell. Friendship hell. I had no one to turn to. In a situation like this, Corey would be the one that could console me.

"Fuck," I whimpered.

A text came in at 11:37. It was him!

It wasn't him. It was Geoff. "Corey texted that he just needed to be by himself. Seems to be okay."

I was relieved. Depressed, but relieved. I exhaled. I just kept breathing like a horrible crisis was over. But I knew mine had still just begun. I had killed our friendship, and I didn't know how to live without Corey.

 

—

 

I heard something gently rustle. I turned over to see Corey putting on a jacket.

"When did you come in?" I managed to say in my dry voice.

"About 12:30."

I looked at the clock. It was 7:20.

"Did you shower already?"

"Yeah." Corey didn't look at me. "Going to breakfast at the dining hall."

He shut the door behind him. No kiss. No hug. No "bye."

I couldn't go through another day of this. I was in hell.

Later that morning, I showed up for my shift at the CCE wondering if Corey was there already or if he'd even show up. It turned out he was, but Corey must have asked for a specific job that kept us in different places. I would occasionally see him move around in another room, but I was assigned a different task. We wouldn't be working together.

Fuck.

The hours felt like weeks.

We both got off at 3, but he didn't leave. I left first. I expected him to be right behind me. He wanted me to be far away, I guessed.

I waited just around the adjacent building. Ten minutes later, he walked by.

"Corey, PLEASE talk to me. Please forgive me."

"Can you just let me walk alone?"

"You're my best friend. Please forgive me. I hate us this way."

"Just give me space, Aiden."

"You know I never intended to hurt you."

"But ... you did." His voice was so soft, but it cut so deeply like it was a scream.

"Everything I said was all toward Slater. I just ... I just was mad ... and I ..."

"You wanted to insult him, so the worst insult to a man is to make fun of his short dick. I get it. I understand how the insult works."

"No. No, no, no. I just ... it just came out. God, I'm sorry, Corey. Forgive me."

I watched him walk away. I didn't follow. I just let a few tears run down my cheek and wiped them on my sleeve.

 

—

 

On the way to dinner, I saw Corey leaning against a tree, carving. I assumed he was carving a voodoo doll of me.

I stirred my dinner more than eating it. After a few bites, I set my fork down and buried my face in my hands for the hundredth time. I had probably cried most of the tears out of me in the past 36 hours, but I still felt like crap.

I peered over my fingers. I was startled to see someone in front of me.

It was Slater. What the fuck now?

"Aiden, I ... I want to apologize."

"Huh?"

"I'm not sure how I upset you so much, but ... clearly, I fucked up. You didn't ... you don't deserve my shit. And I feel bad. And I am apologizing. And I'm asking you to forgive me. I must be the only guy in Dunne that doesn't understand you didn't choose to be gay."

"Choose. Right. Because as you so vividly showed, people just love to be around gay people."

"The guys at Dunne seem okay with it."

"Okay with it. Okay with it. Why do they have to be OKAY with it? Are they okay with everybody else? Or am I the only they have to be okay with??"

"I don't know. I – I – I just know I screwed up. My own roommate called me a piece of shit."

"Harsh."

I thought of Brady. No wonder he was hesitant to be out. He probably had heard about this whole mess.

What was the story really going around? No one would know that Corey was indirectly hurt in this. That's what upset me, not Slater. What were people saying? Did Corey hear any of this?

Shit.

Why wouldn't Corey forgive me???!

And I was sitting at the table, with no interest in forgiving Slater.

"I forgive you, Slater," I muttered.

"I really mean it. I'm sorry. I'm just an idiot."

"You're an ass, but I do. I do forgive you."

"If – if – if you want, you can call me Forrest. Most people use my last name, but ... I'm Forrest."

I was surprised that he held out his hand to me. I didn't want to shake it. I just wanted to curl his fingers into a fist and hit him in the face with his own hand. But I was an asshole myself. I couldn't blame my mistake on him, even though he was the one that fired everything up.

I ignored his hand. I stood up. I gently put my arms around him.

"Oh. Man." I felt Slater go from tense to boneless. "Thank you, Aiden," he softly said.

We let go.

"I'll let you finish your dinner." He walked away.

I picked up my fork and forced myself to eat a couple more bites of broccoli.

"Did I just see you hug Slater?" Emanuel said, coming toward me.

"Yeah."

Emanuel set his tray down. It was clear that I was going to have his company.

"His roommate told me he really gave you a hard time. What a jerk. Why would you hug him?"

"He apologized and asked me to forgive him."

"And you did? A turd like him?! Why?"

"Because I want Corey to forgive me, and he won't. If I didn't forgive Slater, I wouldn't be any better."

"What happened with Corey? What's wrong between you guys?"

"Can't talk about it. It's just tearing me up."

Emanuel figured out he would be better off not saying anything at all. We finished our meal in silence.

When we left the dining hall, I simply said, "See ya."

I couldn't go back to the room. Even if Corey was there, it would be awkward without him forgiving me. We'd both be in this quiet weird space. But he wasn't there. I knew it. It would be a jail cell if I went back to our room.

My phone made a tone that a text had come in. Was it Corey???

No. It was Josh.

"I just heard this strange rumor. Are you okay?"

"I suck."

"Need a hug?"

Fifteen minutes later, Josh had his arms around me. "It'll be okay."

"It won't."

I was numb to the pain now that I told him the whole story. Josh being gay, I felt I could discreetly explain how I wounded Corey's pride. He promised to keep it a secret. He didn't really know Corey, so it wasn't a complete invasion.

I went back to the room after 11. Corey was in bed with the lights out. I grabbed my toothbrush and headed to the bathroom.

On my way back, Ace stopped me in the hall. "Are ya two guys okay?"'

"No. I don't think we are," I said softly. "I don't know what I can do about it."

I crawled into bed in the darkness of rejection. The darkness of silence. The darkness of loneliness.

I hated myself.

 

—

 

Halloween.

Corey and I had no plans, so I really didn't have plans after our incident.

He had already left for church when I woke up. I just figured I would get work done in the library.

I had found my new assignment seemed easier.

"My next Writing assignment is coming along much easier. That's probably because of your help. Thanks."

Corey didn't respond. He may have still been in church.

He didn't respond after lunch.

He didn't respond in the afternoon.

He didn't respond.

With zero social life, I at least buried myself in my studies. I should have been distracted by my fallout with Corey, but my assignments turned out to be a distraction from my fallout with Corey. I got focused. Maybe I was tired of just feeling like shit. Maybe for a couple of hours I was proud of myself for doing a good job with my work studies. I needed that.

 

—

 

"C'mon. You've buried yourself in the library all day. You can't just mope around all night," Geoff said. "Come with us."

I shoveled a spoonful of Jello in my mouth. "I dunno."

"Come on, Aiden. It'll be fun," Ace pleaded.

"I'm not big into haunted houses."

Sam was swallowing a bite of Salisbury steak. "I hate them. But I'll go if you go. We'll protect each other."

"Protect each other," Ace scoffed. "It's just guys our age dressed up."

"But they come flying out of everywhere," Sam explained. "I'll be all jumpy."

"Least you're honest," Ace responded.

"C'mon!" they all said.

"Okay, fine."

Honestly, I wasn't a fan of haunted houses. I knew it was fake and just sets put together. I just didn't like people jumping out at me. But sitting in the room by myself seemed scarier.

Once there, the line was longer than I had expected. I didn't realize the popularity of such things. It being Halloween probably had something to do with it.

It was quite dark before we had finished snaking through the queue to enter. "How long does it take to go through?" Sam asked the gatekeeper.

"For all of eternity!" he answered.

I rolled my eyes. Sam's eyes got wide, but then he snickered.

"Glad I peed before we got here," he muttered.

The first room was decorated like a foyer to a house. Strobe lights gave the impression of lightning through the window curtains. Thundering audio was effective. The four of us huddled together somewhat. Two girls had been let in just before us, and there were two couples behind us.

"And just where do you think you're going!?" a figure with a booming voice asked, once suddenly emerging from a closet. "No visitors allowed! Go out that way," he snarled while pointing to the next room.

The girls had jumped a little. Now they were giggling. The couples behind us had the girls clinging to their boyfriends.

As we slowly staggered through the dim lighting to the next room, a door flung open and a short girl screamed, "Help me! They won't let me out! Help meeeeee!" And she retreated back behind the door.

"Jesus," Ace said.

We took a few more steps. There were crashes from above us. Sam jumped and held onto the arms of Geoff in front of me. I could feel Ace grip my shirt from behind.

Five minutes into it, the four of us were a huddle all moving as one heap. Ace had a death grip on my shirt. In the "kitchen," a contortionist girl maneuvered around with her body stretched upside down in a backbend. It was spider-like and quite freaky.

"NNNAGHHH!" Sam squealed. "That's too weird. He ducked behind Geoff and held his arms.

"Calm down. You're freaking me out," Geoff barked at him.

We got the giggles until we all jumped at the next scare. Ace held my shoulders the rest of the way, almost keeping me from walking correctly. At some point, he uttered every cuss word I knew.

I had no interest in doing this at all, but I had to admit, it was a sense of relief. I needed just a bit of laughs, and this was a good remedy.

Twenty minutes after entering, we ran from the house as a man with a chainsaw chased us from behind.

"You got lucky this time!" a gravedigger said at the exit.

"Holy fuck," Ace said. "That was scarier than I thought it would be."

"Pussy," Sam said.

"Fuck you, Sam."

Had Corey been here, he'd tell us, "Don't cuss."

But Corey wasn't here. Where was he? What was he doing? Was he alone? Did he even miss me? Or did he hate me so much he didn't ever want to see me?

"That vampire costume was so elaborate. He truly looked like he was ready to suck our blood dry," Geoff said, with appreciation in his voice.

Sam punched me in the arm. "Thanks for comin', man."

"Thanks for making me," I said. "It was fun."

We were all a bit chilly though. It was much colder than when we left dinner. We were ready to get back to Dunne.

Our room was empty. It wasn't my blood that had been sucked dry; it was my soul.

 

* * * *

 

I have made a new post on the blog: timothylane414stories.blogspot.com
It coincides with a chapter in Say Goodbye to Sparkleland (Adult Friends). The title of the post is "Gut Punch."

Share your thoughts on this chapter: timothylane414@gmail.com