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As a reminder, the previous chapter, "October," was told through Aiden's narrative point of view. He and Corey had entered a serious rift in their friendship.

 

 

4

November – Corey

 

It was another day not talking to Aiden. My roommate and I had not interacted for a few days. I was tired of being mad at him. I still hurt. But I didn't like my life without Aiden in it.

"Can I join you?" Emanuel said to me at dinner. "You're all over here by yourself."

"I'm not feeling very sociable lately," I said, extending my arm to encourage him to sit.

"Did you do anything for Halloween?"

"Not really. I just basically walked around doing a lot of nothing. It got colder and I got my coat and just sort of ... wandered. Oddly enough, I met a girl. It was strange. I came up on her outside one of the girls' dorms and saw her crying. I asked what was wrong, and we just talked a while."

"What was her name?"

"Patty."

"Think you'll see her again?"

"I don't know. Stupidly, I didn't ask her for her number."

"It's a little bit creepy when the girl is crying too."

"What'd you do that night?" I asked.

"Scary movie at the theater. It was lame, but it seemed like something appropriate for Halloween. Some people screamed at times, which made us all laugh."

Emanuel and I just ate our food for a couple of minutes.

"Are things okay between you and Aiden?"

"No," I immediately said.

"I hope it can be fixed."

I didn't respond. I wasn't sure how to fix it. My entire being wanted to, I just kept hearing his insult over and over in my head. It just brought me back to square one.

"He's really hurting," Emanuel said following my silence.

"He was the one who said it."

"Everyone makes mistakes, Corey. He's your friend. Isn't it worth trying to patch it up?"

"What makes you think he's hurting?"

"He walks around like his life is over. I ate with him the other night. He's in pain."

"He is?" I hated hearing that. "But again, he was the one who hurt me."

"What did he do?"

Dang. How could I explain without admitting I had a small penis? It was all so humiliating.

"He just said something that really hurt me."

"What did he say to you?"

"He actually said it to Slater ... and..."

"And you got mad? I don't understand."

I sighed. "Can I confide in you Emanuel? It's sort of embarrassing. Promise not to tell anyone?"

"I promise. I'm trustworthy."

"I'm sort of embarrassed — very self-conscious — of my dick size. Aiden had always told me it didn't matter. It was fine. No one cared. Then he and Slater starting shouting at each other, and ... and ... he yelled `At least I have something between my legs. You probably have nothing.' And ... it wasn't directed at me, but it was directed at everyone like me. Indirectly."

"Oh." He paused. "Yeah. That kind of sucks to hear." Emanuel put his silverware down. I noticed him staring at me. "You don't expect me to feel sorry for you, do you?"

"Huh?"

"Sorry, Corey, but I don't feel sorry for you."

"Wha-?"

"Give me a break. You're so good looking, you should be a heartthrob in Disney movies. You can sing and play the keyboard, you're apparently super smart, you can cook, you're like six feet tall. Look at me! I'm five-six, I'm overweight, and guess what ... I don't have a big dick either. It probably isn't even average. So ... sorry, not sorry. Everybody likes you and wants to be at your dinners or singing in your room, and you let a dick slur get to you? Get over it, man. Aiden is dying inside. You two are so close. Isn't he allowed to make a mistake? Don't you care for him as a friend?"

"Of course, I do. He's my best friend. I love him."

"But you're killing him!!"

"He – he – he... what he said hurt."

"He didn't even say it to you."

"But the insult still hit me."

"Did he mean to hurt you?"

"No."

"Has he apologized?"

"A million times."

Emanuel glared at me. I felt judged. I felt like I was guilty. Because I was. I had been a dick. Yeah, it hurt, but was I going to let a few words come between our friendship?!

"Thanks. I needed to hear that. I've been a prick. I can treat people crappy sometimes. I did my parents in high school."

"Everyone hates their parents in high school."

"I actually have great parents. They can be lame, but ... I like them. I'm just an idiot sometimes."

"Apparently it doesn't reflect in your grades."

"No ... just where it matters."

 

—

 

It was 7 o'clock, and Aiden wasn't in the room. I waited for him.

It was 7:30. I waited for him, sitting in my chair, turned to face the door.

It was 8 o'clock, and I waited for Aiden.

It was 8:30, and he didn't come back.

It was 9, and my heart felt very alone.

At 9:12, the door opened.

"You ... you're here," he said, seeing me waiting.

"I am," I said.

"It was just too cold outside," Aiden said.

I stood and walked to him.

"It's okay," I said, and I gave him a peck on the lips. He pulled from me and looked me in the eyes.

Our arms ensnared each other. Aiden gave out an exhale and whimper like the weight of the world had been taken from him.

"You're my best friend you're my best friend you're my best friend. I'm so sorry I hurt you," he pitifully wailed in a whisper.

We stood there two solid minutes without saying anything, without moving. We held each other. It felt good to hold him. It felt good to be held. His body began to shudder in my arms, and I heard his sniffles become a sob. I let go and handed him a tissue. He blew his nose, threw the tissue away and reached out to hold me again.

We were content to not say anything. We smiled at each other.

"Tell me about your paper."

Aiden went on and on how this time it was better, and he gave me credit for being a good tutor.

As he talked to me, he reached for his phone. I saw him make a quick text.

Seconds later, Geoff and Ace burst through the door.

"Ya guys are good?" Ace asked.

"We are," I said.

"Thank heavens," Geoff said. "It was really tense around here."

"It was all my fault."

"No. I began it," Aiden argued.

"I just chose to make it bigger and worse than what it needed to be. I'm to blame. I can be a prick fairly easily."

Geoff hugged me. Ace didn't, but he smiled. Ace didn't seem to be a hugger.

For fifteen minutes, they recapped their haunted house adventure. I was sad that I had missed it. The synopsis came with barbs at each other, but it was all in fun.

"I met a girl," I said.

"Whoa!" they said in unison.

"And you've let us talk about fucking vampires for the past fifteen minutes?" Aiden admonished.

"Don't cuss," I said. "Yeah. Weird story."

They all sat down to let me tell it.

"I was ... well, I was in my funk. Still. I just walked around campus. I noticed a girl sitting alone and thought I heard her crying. I asked her if she was all right. She just sniffed and said, `I don't know.' I sat with her for a minute. She said she was in a room with a group of girls. One of them had gotten a couple of cases of beer for the night. They were having a good time drinking at first. Then one of them suggested they play Truth or Dare."

"Uh oh," said Geoff.

"Yeah, that never works out. The idea for `dare' was to do something scary." I used air quotes.

"What's scary in a room fulla girls?" Ace asked.

"I said the same thing. The first one was dared to call the first boy she had kissed in high school. Another was dared to wear a witch's hat and cape but just a bra up top and walk around the building outside. Another was dared to call a grocery store and act possessed."

"That's stupid!" said Aiden.

"Anyway, one girl chose `truth' instead. They asked her if she was a virgin. She got all embarrassed and said she was. Some of the girls screamed, `Really?!' and she was humiliated and ran from the room. The party kind of ended there."

"Was she that girl?" asked Ace.

"No, but she admitted to me she was a virgin too and would have been just as embarrassed."

"Why???" barked Aiden. "It's no one else's business. Jeez, isn't this supposed to be a Christian campus? Shouldn't a lot of them in that room been virgins? People are mean."

"I tried to comfort her and say similar things. I told her I was. She appreciated that."

Oh. I had just shared that with my friends, unexpectedly. Aiden knew. Would Geoff and Ace think less of me? Aiden was right. It was no one's business except mine. Normally, I'd avoid such information, but in this instance, I felt proud.

Ace's body language indicated he was fighting the urge to ask me questions, but I knew he didn't want to be like the mean girls at the party.

"Weren't the Jonas Brothers virgins in their teens?" Geoff asked.

"I'm not sure if they ever declared that," I said. "That was kind of distorted. Maybe they were. I don't know."

"People are too much in other people's business," Aiden grumbled. "Why can't they accept people for who they are?"

The room felt tense.

"So ... this girl..." Ace said, redirecting the conversation.

"Yeah. Patty. We talked for a few more minutes. She was nice. Pretty. She said she should go back in; it was pretty cold. She kissed me on the cheek and went inside."

"Are you going to ask her out?"

"Sadly, we never exchanged numbers."

"Dude!" Ace groaned.

"I know, I know. But at the same time, I didn't want to be that guy. `Oh, I see you are upset. Can I have your phone number?' That would have been slightly creepy."

"She did kiss ya."

"I hope to see her again."

"Good luck," Geoff said.

Ace and Geoff returned to their room. Ours felt like our room again. It didn't feel like a punishment area anymore. The space was good, and we seemed to have forgiven each other.

We trekked down to pee. In the room we brushed our teeth. We each crawled into our covers. It felt good to have warmer blankets now. We hadn't hugged. We did that earlier. We didn't really need to say much more. There was no need to rehash our reconciliation. We were fine.

"Good night, Corey."

"Good night, Aiden."

We were fine.

But.

We hadn't been fine. For a few days, we were apart. We weren't good. I missed him. He missed me. Emanuel told me I was killing him.

I sighed. I hated being a dick. Why did I get like that sometimes?

I moved out of my bed and walked across the room. I lifted his sheets and slid into them, pushing him toward the wall. I wrapped my arm around him and just held him.

"Thanks," he said.

 

—

 

I woke up in my bed, barely remembering slithering back there at around 1:15. We both really needed more space in his bed than the two of us were giving each other. I had held us close, but it was hard to move positions.

I had a raging boner in my briefs. That would have felt weird pressed into him from behind, so I was glad I was back in my bed.

My class was first, so I grabbed a change of underwear and headed down to the showers. I had just enough of my morning wood left to where my dick looked fairly okay. I undressed in front of the other guys in the shower room. It felt good not to hide. I should never feel like I needed to hide my body, but I did ... almost every day. Once I showered though, I'd have less than two inches to show.

I hated the universe.

I felt enough courage to dry off and put on my new underwear totally exposed. If I was going to get over my hangup, I was going to have to get over my hangup. Perhaps with practice I would feel better.

 

—

 

Dinner Wednesday night was with Sam, Geoff and Ace. I made a point to invite Emanuel too. Aiden brought the groceries in, and the other guys each handed him a ten. As I cooked, I could tell Emanuel was very happy things were back to normal.

As we ate Chicken Carbonara and salad, Emanuel told us a lot about his life. I didn't have a lot of knowledge of the Hispanic culture, but I enjoyed hearing about it. I could tell he had a strong sense of family. I never got the sense he felt shunned because of his ethnicity, but I wasn't sure if he felt that he fit in as easily as others did. I was glad he was among friends for dinner.

As we washed up the dishes, Emanuel asked if he could cook us dinner the next week. We all were surprised, but enthusiastically accepted. It would be Aiden's and my turn to buy the groceries. I asked Emanuel to send us a list. He said he would get a family recipe from his mother.

 

—

 

Aiden and I ate in the dining hall Thursday evening. I continued to look out for Patty but had yet to see her. We had joined Geoff and Ace, but they had arrived earlier and finished as we were just getting started. Aiden and I were on the same side of the table. After they departed, I looked up to see Slater standing near us.

"May I join you?" he softly asked Aiden.

Seriously!!??? What the heck?! He hated Aiden and gave him all sorts of grief. I couldn't believe he would ask such a thing.

"Yes," said Aiden.

Huh???? What on earth was going on?!

"Thanks," he said, looking both depressed and appreciative.

He sat his tray down. He moved into the chair across from Aiden.

"Um, what's going on?" I asked out of the side of my mouth.

"It's okay," Aiden said.

I was too dumbfounded to eat.

"How was your day, Forrest?"

Forrest? FORREST??!!

"Same as it has been all week. Everybody hates me."

My eyes opened.

"I don't understand," I finally was able to speak.

"Everyone thinks I'm an asshole."

I paused. "Well, you kind of picked on someone for the way he was born."

"I am an asshole. It's not like Aiden is the only person I've insulted."

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you," Aiden said. "I forgive Forrest."

"Okay, scriptures!? From you? Is this a dream? Am I in a parallel universe?"

"Colossians," Aiden said. Then he put a bite of sweet and sour chicken in his mouth.

My mind was blown.

"What. Is. Going. On?"

"Aiden is about the only person who will talk to me. Any others just haven't heard I'm a total dick."

"I don't know what to say," I uttered in my state of shock.

"I've done some soul searching. When I saw how horrified Aiden got when I threw down shit at him, I ... I was floored. He ran out. Everyone in the bathroom started screaming at me. Word spread. I'm an outcast."

"Man."

"Can't you tell them we have resolved things?" Aiden asked.

"Some people have seen us. I'm sure it will take time."

I did notice a few people staring at us. A couple of people whispered when they saw Aiden and Slater at the same table.

"Why were you so mean to Aiden?" I finally asked.

"I have a brother. I guess you'd call him super homophobic. I heard slurs against gays my whole life. I guess I just believed them. Then, I just ... didn't want Aiden around me. I just let myself get freaked out. Then everyone kept yelling at me that he didn't choose to be gay, he was just born that way. I didn't believe that. But ... I then looked at some things online. You have a lot of free time when no one wants to do anything with you."

"I'm sorry," Aiden said.

"Why?" I asked. "His actions aren't your fault."

"I'm just sorry he has to be ridiculed. I know what that's like."

Slater looked directly at Aiden's face. When their eyes met, Slater got visibly emotional. "I'm sorry. I know I was one of those people. For you to forgive me shows you have way more character than I ever will."

Truth! I wanted to yell at Slater that he was getting what he deserved. But I didn't. I could tell he was hurting. As much as he had been a prick, he was still a human being. I was so proud of Aiden for somehow finding it in his heart to forgive him. Could I have been that courageous?

More people looked at us. I saw someone try to discreetly take a photo on their phone. People were so gossipy. Perhaps if the photo was shared, people might cut Slater some slack. How was it that I was now hoping things would work out for him? I hated him.

Then I felt bad for hating anybody.

"I'm grabbing some peach pie. Anyone want any?" I offered.

"Sure," they both said.

As I reached for three plates and felt confident that I could get them without dropping one, someone from our floor came up to me. I couldn't remember his name.

"Are those two actually talking? Have they become friends?"

"I don't know. I'm a bit blown away. At some point, Aiden forgave him, and they apparently talk from time to time. He calls Slater Forrest now."

"Nice. Hopefully Slater has learned a lesson."

"Yeah."

After we finished our pie, we stood and began to gather our dishes. Aiden walked around the table and hugged Slater. To my surprise, Slater wrapped his arms around Aiden.

"Thank you for being nice to me. I don't deserve it."

Gobsmacked as I was, their unpredictable tenderness warmed my heart.

 

—

 

Aiden and I were in Geoff's room. It was 8:45 on Friday evening, and we were waiting for Ace to get back from playing basketball.

"I must say, you two have gotten better about your room. It doesn't smell nearly as funky," I said.

"Thanks. I think," Geoff scowled.

Aiden went back to our room to get a bag of Ranch Doritos. No one was hungry, but it was a way to kill time. After I snacked for a few minutes, I went to their sink to wash ranch spices off my hands.

Ace burst into the room with Sam behind him.

"There is absolutely no way. You are totally shitting me," Ace barked.

"I swear it is true."

"No way. It's impossible."

"I'll bet you."

"What's going on?" Geoff asked.

"Never mind," Ace grunted. "It ain't possible."

"Bet me!"

"I ain't bettin', but I just know you are feeding me B.S."

"Are you willing to bet??" Sam teased.

"What are you guys talking about?" Aiden asked.

"Sam's making this shit up that he can ... that he can come without his hands or anything touchin' his dick."

The rest of us looked blank.

"Um... and this is a topic that came up in a basketball game??" I asked.

"No!" said Sam. "We were walking back, and the thread of conversation just sort of connected dots to me saying I can come hands free."

"It ain't possible."

"Then BET me."

"Like how?"

"If I win, you have to hug Aiden."

"Hey!" Aiden protested. "I'm not poison for fuck's sake."

"Don't cuss," I mouthed to myself. Aiden saw me.

"That ain't hard," Ace said.

"Naked," Sam continued.

"Him or Aiden?" Geoff smiled.

"It could be both, but Ace has to be."

"Again, I feel insulted here. How did I become collateral in this bet?" Aiden was appropriately put off.

"I ain't huggin' a guy naked."

"Well, if you don't want that, you could kiss him instead."

"UHHH, do I get a say in any of this??" Aiden was protesting but being ignored.

"Don't matter, Aiden, cuz he can't do it."

"Then take me up on it."

"And if I win?"

"What do you want?"

"Ya gotta do my laundry for the rest of the semester."

"Deal! The hug thing."

"Um, so ... how ... how will we tell if you can do it or not?" I asked.

"I'll show you, of course."

"Whoa," said Geoff. "Uh ... I don't know if..."

"Oh, just shut up. Shake on it, Ace?"

Sam extended his hand and Ace hesitated for a second but shook it. "It's a bet."

"Ummm ... are we doing this ... here? Now?" Geoff reluctantly asked.

"Hell yeah," Sam said. "Ace hand me your tablet. Pull up the last porn you watched."

It was apparently assumed that Ace watched porn. I wondered if I was the only one in the group who didn't.

"Everyone's phones have to be on the floor," Sam demanded. We all complied.

Ace picked up his tablet. He touched a few things on the screen and pulled up a video. He handed it to Sam. I felt uncomfortable on all sorts of levels. I would have excused myself, but I would have been called all sorts of slurs if I ran from the room. I didn't feel like being called a pussy, a baby, a wuss or any other number of putdowns. I just crossed my arms in front of my chest and stepped back.

Sam ran his finger on the screen and the volume increased. I began to hear a woman moaning. Sam leaned the tablet on the front of Ace's bed. He then stood and pulled down his sweatpants a foot. He dragged his briefs with them. And there it was. His penis was hanging out. Sam had quite a hairy bush sticking out from his T-shirt. His dick hung down about three inches. He wasn't quite as big as Aiden was.

"Ya ain't even hard! There's no way you're gonna pull this off."

"Just watch."

Should we? This seemed so weird. Watching someone masturbate seemed creepy. But Aiden and I had done it together several times, and it didn't bother me. And did it count as masturbation if he didn't even touch himself? I felt awkward. My presence was intrusive.

"Nice video," Sam said.

Four other people watched his dick begin to rise. It lengthened to about five inches as it eventually pointed to his navel. He spread his legs and pulsed them in and out a bit. His erection looked to be around six inches when fully hard. Why was I visually measuring it??! I looked at Geoff on his bed. He looked frozen like he didn't want to be here but couldn't move.

"Are there any guys in this video?" Aiden asked.

That made us laugh.

"Give it time," Ace said.

I couldn't help myself. I glanced at the screen. A woman was fingering her vagina, moaning louder. I wondered if anyone in the hallway could hear, but I didn't think it was that loud. It was aimed toward the back of the room. Toward me. Toward Aiden. Toward Sam. The woman's moans became more like a squeal. It seemed so repulsive to invade her privacy. I shouldn't have been looking at her. It seemed wrong. She had nice tits.

Sam squirmed his hips. His hard-on bobbed. He pulsed his legs in and out. He rubbed his hand across his chest under his sweatshirt.

A doctor entered the room in the video. He said that the fact she was pleasuring herself was a "good sign." Of what? It was stupid.

Sam lifted his butt and pulled his sweats completely off. There I was, staring at a friend's completely naked lower half. I watched his crotch thrust up and down, but as a non-referee, I could confirm he never touched his dick.

Geoff had his hand over his mouth. He was slightly freaked out, but there was no disguising the erection in his shorts. It was a tent.

I wanted to stop watching, but like seeing a car wreck on the other side of the highway, you still looked. I stared at the video. I stared at Sam's cock. Even I was getting slightly hard.

"I need to do one more test," the doctor said. He unzipped his pants and pulled out his hard rod.

"This is so dumb," I said.

"Here we go," said Aiden.

The doctor's hand rubbed the woman's crotch. It rubbed her belly and then went back down to let two fingers wiggle inside her. How was I watching this? How was this legal? It was wrong; I felt dirty.

The doctor unbuttoned his shirt. He revealed a hairy chest. "Yeah," Aiden breathed.

"I think this test should tell us if you can find pleasure with your husband," the doctor said.

"This is dumb," I softly said only to me. But what did I know? I knew nothing about adult sexual relationships. But this just seemed like a stupid, unrealistic plot.

He pulled on his cock. It looked bigger than anything I knew I would ever have.

"Yeah," Aiden panted.

The doctor lined up his erection with her vagina and pushed it in.

"Uck," Aiden grunted. I laughed. The woman wailed.

Sam was using the muscles in his groin to make his cock bob forward and backward. His hips writhed. He pulled his sweatshirt off, and he held it behind his neck with both hands. He lightly grunted as he thrust his waist. It was like he was having sex with the air. His dick almost had a workout routine with just the muscles in his crotch.

I looked at Ace. He looked worried. I thought he had a slight bulge to his crotch too. Not that I looked at it for long.

The woman squealed. Sam moaned. Aiden approved of the close-up of the doctor's erection moving in and out. I saw him rearrange his crotch.

I felt sinful for watching this ridiculous skit play out in front of me. I joined Geoff on his bed. I couldn't see the screen anymore, but I had a clear view of my naked friend wriggling his hips in front of me. The four of us all had our hands down our pants for a moment. We rearranged our genitals while trying not to look like we groped ourselves.

"Ya can't do it," said Ace. "Can ya?"

"I'm getting there," grunted Sam.

He kept thrusting his dick upward while pulsing his legs.

Geoff leaned over to me. "It's like he's fucking a ghost," he whispered.

I snorted.

Aiden crossed his arms across his chest. Apparently, the woman's wails were too much of a turnoff.

Sam started panting more. His dick bobbed harder. The woman moaned. The doctor groaned. I couldn't see him, but I could hear him.

Two more minutes played out. Geoff was severely groping his own dick. He didn't seem concerned I was just two feet away. He slightly moaned as he watched Sam. He saw me noticing and pulled his hand out. His boxers were a Giza pyramid.

"Oh, there it is," Aiden said.

Geoff and I got up. We looked at the screen. The doctor had taken his dick out of the woman and was jerking it hard. She leaned up to lick his balls. He craned his neck back and shot cum all over her face. Dear lord, how gross.

"Ohhhhh yeahhhh," Sam breathed. He strained the sweatshirt behind his neck. His dick wobbled. He worked it. "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah." He thrusted the air higher than he had before. "I'm coming," he panted.

And he did. And the five of us watched semen spurt and gurgle out of Sam's hard-on.

"No way," Ace softly said. "I don't believe it."

"Uuunnnghhhh," Sam groaned, wriggling the last liquid out of his dick, straining in almost of a sit-up using the sweatshirt.

I thought everything about this bet was moronic, but I was impressed.

"Whoooahhh," Aiden said.

"And there you have it, gentlemen." Sam was all smiles, lying in full view with cum dripped around his dick and navel.

A few of us softly clapped.

Ace started pacing the room.

"C'mon, Ace. It's just a hug," his roommate said.

"Naked."

"Strip!" insisted Sam.

"We gotta do this now?"

"Yes."

Incredibly slowly, Ace took off his shirt. His socks went next.

I had never seen Ace in the showers. He was a fit athlete. I envied his arms. His chest looked like he worked out a lot. I knew he went to the gym, but Ace was built. Nothing like Dad's friend, Lance, but still. I wished I looked like him.

Sam enjoyed the show. He whistled when the sweatpants came off. Ace stood there in his briefs.

"Are ya goin' to get cleaned up, or are ya just gonna lay there and make us all look at ... at..."

"YEP!" Sam cackled. "Take `em off."

Aiden's eyes told me he felt a bit self-conscious but was also transfixed with Ace's body.

"Let's do this," Sam said.

Ace groaned in disappointment. His fingers slipped inside his briefs. He spread the waistband and reluctantly caused them to drop to the floor. He stepped out of them.

"Nice dick," Aiden said.

"Shut up, Aiden."

If there are qualifications for "nice dick," Aiden was right. I would pay my first year's salary of whatever career job I might get to have Ace's penis. It wasn't erect, but it wasn't hanging either. It jutted out about seven inches, and it had a girth that made my heart sink.

Dang. How could my penis be so — not that. Why did God make them so drastically different?

"Hug. Hug. Hug. Hug!" Sam was in heaven watching Ace's face twist in anguish. I saw one spurt of cum start to slide toward Sam's hip.

Aiden smiled and opened his arms wide.

"Fuck all ya," Ace grunted.

He stepped into Aiden's arms. Aiden's arms wrapped around him.

"You got to hug him to count," Sam said. I noticed Sam's cum began to drip just a bit more. Then I wondered why I looked at that.

Ace's arms went around Aiden's back. Aiden gripped one of Ace's ass cheeks with his hand, and we all laughed. "Hey!" Ace argued.

Aiden and Ace were the same height. As they released, Aiden suddenly leaned in and kissed Ace hard. He held his shoulders until Ace pushed him back.

"What the hell! I agreed to the hug, not the kiss."

"It's a bonus."

"Fuck you, Aiden. Fuck all a ya."

The room was in stitches.

"Did you like it?" Aiden asked.

"Hell no. I don't kiss no dudes."

Aiden didn't seem to be offended. I felt he was having fun with it.

"Did you hate it?"

Ace was disarmed by the question. "Well ... uh." I knew he didn't want to insult Aiden. "I ... just didn't really think about it really. I just didn't want to kiss a guy. It was ... I dunno."

"I'm sorry I pushed it on you," Aiden said. "That wasn't nice of me."

"I'm fine," Ace mumbled.

In his anger, Ace's penis had deflated, and it was still an infuriating five inches hanging there.

"And you! Clean yourself up and stop showing us your dick," Ace growled at Sam. "Wipe off.'

"Actually, I was appreciating the view, just so you know," Aiden told him with a wink.

"Well, thank you, my boy."

I glanced at Geoff. He had laughed with us, but he still almost had a look of shock.

Five minutes later, everyone was dressed, and Sam was on the way back to his floor. Aiden and I walked to our room next door.

"That. Was. Epic," he said.

"Totally," I replied, failing miserably at containing laughter.

Neither of us needed to pee. We had gone before going to their room. We brushed our teeth.

As we started turning out the lights, the two of us looked at each other.

"Want to jack off?" I softly asked.

He nodded vigorously. "You know it. Totally."

I didn't know if we would be in separate beds or one, but Aiden quickly moved to mine. We stripped ourselves of all clothing.

He hit the remote to completely dim the lighting. Only the nightlight gave us the tiniest bit of illumination.

I saw Aiden's silhouette fondle his genitals. I was glad to be able to finally hold mine. I was hard in no time. We both began stroking.

"What did you think of the video?" I asked.

"Straight videos are so stupid," he said, his arm jerking his hard-on up and down. "Actually, some of the gay ones are too." He paused. "Corey, was that the first time you ever saw a porno?"

"Yeah. I've seen pictures, but not video. It always seems wrong to look."

"At first. You get used to watching."

Both of us stroked our dicks with the same speed.

"I'm not sure I'll ever be a voyeur."

"A what?"

"Voyeur. Someone who watches."

Aiden found a pleasurable maneuver on his dick. He groaned louder than he should have.

"Careful," I whispered.

I felt his hand on my hip.

"Can I?"

"Yeah."

I took my hand off. I felt his fingers wrap around my hard-on. When we did this, I never thought of it as romantic. It was a friend thing. Was it though? How many friends let other friends jerk their cock? In the moment, I didn't care. Aiden's hand feeling my dick felt different. The sensations were amazing, but I wasn't causing them.

He gently pulled my organ. I softly breathed out a ghostly moan. I breathed heavily. Aiden jerked my dick a little harder.

"Good?" he quietly asked.

"Yeeaahhh," I breathed.

"Want to do mine?"

I had never wanted to hold another guy's junk before. It seemed strange just to see them around the dorm from time to time. But the two of us were horny as all get out. In that moment, I felt I was willing. He had held mine before. I could do it.

"Do you want me to?"

"I do, Corey. Please?"

"'K."

I was nervous. I had seen Aiden's penis many times. We had jerked off several times. But ... to touch it. I slowly reached over. He still had a grip on my cock. Our arms crossed.

And I touched it. There it was. It was a dick. It was hard. My fingers wrapped around it. I had a grip, a grip on Aiden's erection.

It was ... interesting. I tried to match the rhythm he had on my cock. And then I stopped my strokes to just let my fingers roam around it. I felt it. I traced it. I compared his hard flesh to mine. Feeling and analyzing how our dicks were the same and how they felt different. I wondered if they felt different on the inside. Did his pleasure feel like mine? Did his orgasms feel like mine? It almost seemed like science in the moment. It wasn't lust or passion or romance — it was being a male.

"I like that," he said at my exploration.

My fingers were light in their quest to feel every inch of his cock. Then I got a firm grip again. Both of us started stroking harder. I wondered who would come first.

"What did you think of Ace?" I asked.

"The bet or his body?"

"His body."

"Kind of rocked. I hope you don't mind me saying so, but I liked how his dick looked."

"I get it. I was jealous."

We were quiet. I was confident he was thinking about Ace's crotch. Even I was visualizing his protruding organ.

A minute later, his hips squirmed. "Yeah, Corey. Hard. Do me harder."

I pumped more forcibly. He had stopped stroking my dick; he just gripped it tight.

"Ohhhh," he breathed. "Ohhhhhhhhh," he moaned. "Ohhhhhh... Ungh. Ungh. Ungh. Ungh."

Most of his cum was on his chest, but because I was stroking him, some smeared down my hand. I didn't know how I felt about another guy's cum on me. Had it been Sam's, I would have wanted it off. But this was my best friend. We shared everything.

I slid my hand through cum and just held his cock in a sticky grip while he jerked me harder.

"Fuck yes," he said.

I would have told him not to cuss, but my erection was throbbing. My dick was electric.

"Aiden, I..."

"Shoot for me, Cor'. Come for me."

My hips lifted. I was a fountain. I had been horny for the past hour. I panted so hard trying to be quiet, it sounded like I was hyperventilating. I wanted to moan so loud, but I kept enough restraint intact to stop me.

"Holy cow," I exhaled.

"Nice?"

"Very."

"Thanks for doing this."

"Sure. We both wanted to get off."

Aiden sat up and moved his body to straddle mine in the darkness. My eyes had adjusted just enough to see his body above me. He reached down and held both our cocks together in a gooey, sticky grip.

"Okay, okay. Don't make it weird. Get off me and get us something to clean up."

He giggled on the way to the sink.

 

—

 

"This drive home isn't as fun when we both take our own cars," Aiden said through the Bluetooth in my car.

"I know. It'll be the same at Christmas too. The breaks are long enough we each need our own car."

The Thanksgiving break was going to be good for both of us. I was sure Aiden and I would still find time to be together. We certainly were going to be together tomorrow for Friendsgiving.

I was spending my first four days at Mom's and Daryl's house, and the last four at Dad's and Laramie's house. They had planned to leave for a honeymoon that Saturday afternoon, so I was going to drive back then. Aiden was staying home through the Sunday.

We met up for dinner at a Culver's. I knew I would have ice cream at both houses, but I had missed it. I missed having a freezer in the room. I felt entitled to some frozen custard.

Our cars separated in Jackson Bend. I waved as my car headed to my neighborhood. Before long, I was pulling up to the house I grew up in. The driveway had both Daryl's and Mom's cars.

"I'm home," I called out.

Mom shrieked. She ran to the front of the house.

"Oh my gosh! You cut your hair! It looks great!"

"Yeah, yeah. I knew you'd go crazy over that. My friends in my hall said they could hardly recognize me. It seems kind of weird."

"Well, you'll look nice for the wedding," she said. She gave me a huge hug.

"Not that you didn't look nice before," Daryl clarified, walking up behind her.

"Of course. Of course," Mom said.

"How was the drive?" Daryl said mid-hug.

"Fine. No big deal. It's not as fun when Aiden has to take his own car."

"We're glad you're home. Do you need anything to eat?" Mom asked.

It was several minutes of her fawning over me and going on about how nice my haircut looked before Mom seemed relaxed. I immediately knew I was growing it out again. I just wanted it to be "respectable" for pictures tomorrow. It actually looked fine, but I kind of missed my long hair. If I ever found Patty again, I wonder what she would think.

"What smells so good?" I asked.

"I baked a cake for tomorrow."

"So, I can't have any?"

"No! It's for the wedding."

"You made a wedding cake??!"

"Hardly. Think of it as a grooms' cake."

"That means chocolate, right?"

"Usually," Daryl chimed in.

"Are you excited?" Mom asked.

"Excited??? I'm not sure I get really excited for things with my parents, but-"

"Gee, thanks," they both echoed.

"Let me finish. I have wanted them to get married for a few years now, so, yes, I am very happy about it."

"I think it is going to be simple. I don't expect it to last long."

"I'm sure even if it is five minutes, Jakob will make it look like a royal wedding," Daryl joked.

We all laughed.

And he was probably right.

 

—

 

I had been to a few of Trent's and Mike's Friendsgivings. I took Aiden last year. We were the youngest people there last year. The ceremony was to happen at 6, but most people arrived mid-afternoon to just mingle and socialize, which was the main purpose.

Trent had started the tradition several years ago. He was shaken by a friend of a friend taking his own life. It bothered him, and he needed to do something to make himself feel better. The point of the gathering was to emphasize the importance of friendship and to make sure no one really felt alone. From what I had been told, the gathering wasn't really that big the first year, but friends invited more friends. Mike and Trent didn't even know everybody, but that was okay with them. Each year, there was a moment of reflection to remember Tyler, the friend that was lost. This year, however, Dad was getting married. I loved that it was happening at Friendsgiving. I thought it was the perfect venue.

"It's the perfect venue!" my mother called out when she saw the arrangement in the backyard. Luckily, the weather was quite cooperative. The temperature was supposed to be low 50s at 6 o'clock. A short ceremony outside should be fine. The wind wasn't blowing.

We had arrived fairly early since Mom wanted to deliver the cake. Jakob had made everything look wonderful. The inside of the house was Thanksgiving festive; the backyard somehow had touches of a traditional wedding with modern accents. I couldn't wait to see what it would look like in the dark. There were other tables outside for people to sit and talk without going into the wedding area.

Dad and Laramie arrived. Laramie was in a long-sleeve western shirt and black jeans. Dad wore khakis and a polo shirt.

"Is that what you're wearing?" I asked.

They laughed. I was soon mauled with hugs from the two of them.

"We'll change before the ceremony," Laramie said.

By 4, the house was full. All the men from the men's trip in Vegas two years ago were there. I loved seeing them. I knew the coffee group too, but I didn't know a whole lot of other people. There was a Black girl there. She was pretty. Dad introduced her as Lydia. She was the daughter of Ophelia, one of Dad's friends from AA.

Trent asked me if I had written any songs lately. I felt sad that I couldn't tell him I had completed anything. I had enjoyed writing with him in the past.

Aiden finally showed up with his parents. Mr. Dressel shook my hand. I hugged both Aiden and his mother. I made a few introductions on their behalf.

Aiden was mesmerized by Lance. I could see why. Lance continued to maintain his build. To call him fit would be an understatement; he was a masculine god. I never would have put him and Jakob together, but now that I knew them, I couldn't think of them being with anyone else.

"Hi, I'm Jakob, with a K," Jakob said, shaking Mr. Dressel's hand. "Can I offer you anything to drink?"

The hosts always had nonalcoholic drinks available as many attendees were from Dad's AA group. Mr. and Mrs. Dressel opted for a glass of wine. Aiden was surprised as they so rarely drank. Mike had never met Aiden's parents, so he made them feel welcome and showed them a bit of the house and backyard.

"They were hesitant to come," Aiden said, as they stepped outside.

"Oh?"

"Part of it was knowing hardly anybody. They had never been to a gay wedding either, so they were unsure what to expect. I told them it was just a wedding. They didn't need to worry about a drag show." Aiden turned to me. "There isn't a drag show, is there?"

I laughed. "Have you met my father?? He's the dullest gay guy there is."

"He's fucking hot, Corey. He's totally beautiful. He works as a gay guy just fine. You got his good looks."

"Don't cuss. Particularly here."

"To be honest, they are here because I wanted to be here. I think they're trying, Corey."

"Trying toooo...?"

"Trying to relate to me. Trying to ... support? ... me."

"How does that feel?"

"Good. But to be honest, if they were mad that I was gay or upset that I was gay ..." He sighed. "I'd still feel better than being ignored."

I had occasional moments of being angry at Aiden's parents for making him feel unloved growing up. This was one of them.

Mitchell came up to me. He and L.B. gave me a hug. They both smelled like alcohol. I had seen Mitchell have a couple of beers. Six or seven years ago, he had given up alcohol for Dad. I wondered how hard that was for adults. It would be easy for me.

"This food is delicious," Mrs. Dressel told Aiden.

"With Jakob, I wouldn't expect anything less," I said.

"But ... isn't this Michael and Trent's house?" Mr. Dressel said.

"It is. But Lance and Jakob are close friends and ... well, it's a long story. This is just Jakob's zone."

They smiled.

My parents took Aiden's parents from us.

"Lydia looks like she could use some company," I said.

"Sure."

She was two years older than us. The three of us talked about college experiences. It was obvious that she appreciated us keeping her company.

"My father thinks your mom is totally awesome," I told her.

"She's got him fooled."

I snickered.

"Really though, she's okay. I'm sure you understand what the hard years were like," she told me.

Lydia's words were correct. I would always remember Dad's drunk years. He was so conflicted. He was so torn apart. Even when he was at his worst, I wasn't angry at him. I just wondered what happened to him. I missed the "old" him. I'm sure it was the same between Lydia and her mother.

"Yep. I can relate. It's great that they are all in great places in their lives now."

"I'm lucky. Our family got back together." Lydia turned to me in a panic. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ..."

"Don't worry. Dad's gay. I knew that wasn't happening. I still feel lucky. I have two families now ... and that's fine." I paused. "No. I have one family. There are just two parts to it."

"Aw," Aiden said.

I looked at my mother and Laramie talking. We were one family; it was just two houses. I remembered Mom being so angry at Dad when he was drunk. She tried to hide it from me, but I could tell. They were different. To see her so comfortable with the man her ex-husband was about to marry, it spoke well of her. Mom would always be lame, but she was a good person. In all her "Christian-ness," kindness and understanding were the traits I appreciated the most in her.

I watched Lance run across the living room to almost tackle someone walking through the door. "It is so great to see you," he said. I didn't know who it was.

Many people had taken pictures. Aiden took several of every gay person at the gathering. Emory and Don approved of my haircut. Aiden's arm was around Lance in a couple pictures with him. It was no surprise he would do anything to touch Lance's body. Pervert. I'm surprised I couldn't see a visible bulge on my demented roommate.

I loved him.

It was easy to tell myself that. While we could never be boyfriends, I never questioned my love for my best friend. It saddened me that I put him through emotional hell a few weeks prior.

It was 5 o'clock. Trent gathered everyone inside. It was time for Tyler's candle.

"For those of you who have not met him, this is an old friend of mine, Zach," Trent announced.

"I'm 29," Zach said. "I'm not old."

Trent punched him in the arm. "Anyway, Zach married Mike and me several years ago. Well, that didn't sound right. He performed our ceremony. He was a youth minister here in town after he graduated from W. Travis. Now he has moved on to a bigger congregation in Cedar Rapids. But he has come home for the holiday, and I've asked him to join us today."

Ah, that made sense. He must be performing the ceremony for Dad and Laramie.

"Trent has asked me to say a prayer. If you wish to bow with me..."

Most people did. Before closing my eyes, I noticed Aiden staring at Zach. I questioned why.

"Father, thank you for this day when so many friends can come together. Thank you for the hosts and loving hearts that helped prepare the food and refreshments. Thank you for bringing us here safely.

"Father, we take a moment to remember Tyler. We are saddened that Tyler's pain took him from us. But we ask you to allow him to know that in his pain, a seed was planted, and it has grown into the group we see here today. A group that has not forgotten him.

"As we gather here, Lord, let us embrace the blessing of friendship and to never take it for granted. Let kindness and forgiveness and compassion live strong in each of us.

"In your son's name we pray, Amen."

"Amen," many in the crowd echoed.

Trent placed his hands on his piano and started playing "Thank You for Being a Friend." It was tradition. Everyone sang along.

Aiden was still fixated on Zach.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah." He didn't look at me. He just looked at Zach. "Don't you think it is kind of unusual — and kind of awesome — that a youth minister feels comfortable in a gay couple's house? That he performed a gay wedding?"

"It's just called a wedding."

"This Zach guy is kind of cool."

"Yeah. He is."

"And cute."

I rolled my eyes and went to get another soda. Last year we made a toast to friendship after the song. I assumed this year that it would be after Dad and Laramie got married.

Lance came up to me to introduce Zach to me.

"Hey Corey, back when I was in college, Zach was my roommate."

"Oh. It's nice to meet you. I'm in my first semester at Notre Dame."

"Nice," said Zach. "How's it going so far?"

"I'm liking it. I've made a lot of friends so far."

"Corey is the son of that gorgeous man over there, Cooper."

Zach looked across the room at my dad. "I can see the resemblance. You're both quite handsome."

"That's a compliment," Lance said. "Zach's not gay. But he performed Mike and Trent's wedding."

"But not yours?"

"Sadly, I wasn't able to, but I wished I could have."

"Probably not. He hated me in college," Lance said.

"That is completely not true," Zach protested. "Lance was the one who didn't like me."

"I was too screwed up to know what to think. I liked you just fine."

"But," I started. "You two seem like good friends now."

"Corey, you are going to develop deep friendships while you are in college. Trent and I graduated seven years ago, and we are still extremely close."

"I know."

"It's a shame that Lance and I weren't closer while we roomed together," Zach said. "I've come to appreciate him much more as we both have become adults. Even though I have moved, we still regularly keep in touch."

"Did he look like this in college?" I asked.

Lance's expression fell. He put his hand on my shoulder.

"No. Corey, that's when I started drinking heavily. I put on weight very quickly. After the basketball season ended, I was ... I wasn't really that great of a person."

Aiden saw me talking to both Lance and Zach and almost spit out his drink. He rushed over to us, for which I was grateful because I felt I had accidentally brought up a tricky subject.

"This is my roommate, Aiden," I said. "Aiden, this is Zach. He was Lance's college roommate."

"Ohhhhhh, I would have loved rooming with you two."

"Down boy," I admonished. "And Zach is straight."

"Married to a lovely lady. Two years. No kids yet, though."

"Are you here to marry my dad and Laramie?"

"No. I'm just here because of Lance. I'm in town for the holiday. I'm seeing family. I came in early for this."

I wondered who would officiate the ceremony. My fathers headed to the back room to change for the official event. It was still 20 minutes away.

"Jakob is sure working hard," I said.

"He loves this day. Mike and Trent are the official hosts, but Jakob plans this for weeks — WEEKS!" He looked at his husband. "He's the most amazing person I have ever met."

What a wonderful thing to say about a person who had gone through so much hardship. Being kicked out as a teen, homelessness, alcoholism — Jakob was indeed an incredible person. I was proud to call him my friend. Looking around the room, I could see so many friends of so many different ages. Emory and Don were retired. Jakob was in his thirties. Lance and Trent were almost 30. Aiden was at least one person my age.

"Jakob, can I help you in any way?"

"Corey, you are so sweet. I think food is good for now, but after the ceremony, would you like to help me distribute cake?"

"Sure."

I saw Brad come through the front door. He looked frantic. I moved toward him.

"Thank heavens I didn't miss it. I would never have forgiven myself."

"I'm glad you're here. It's good to see you."

His hug was extreme. "Same here, kiddo. I miss you. Are you still loving college?"

"When I don't do something stupid, yeah."

"You? You're the smartest person I know. And I'm not kidding."

Dad re-entered the living room fully dressed in a nice suit. His tie had a red-and-charcoal pattern.

Brad lit up. Dad saw him and came over to us.

"You look sensational," Brad said. "I mean, you're always beautiful, but ... Cooper Snow, you are one handsome groom."

"Thanks. I'm slightly nervous."

"I have waited for this day for so long. You two should have done this years ago," Brad said, straightening Dad's collar.

"Agreed" I said.

I looked out the window. Jakob somehow had about thirty candles lit since I had just spoken with him. There were glowing orbs in the grass and hanging illuminated globes from a tree above. The backyard looked amazing.

Some of the first people headed outside. I asked Aiden to go take some pictures.

"What is keeping Laramie?" Dad asked. "He should have been right behind me."

"I'll go check."

I went back to the master bedroom in Mike's and Trent's house. The bathroom door was closed. I figured he might just be using the bathroom, but I couldn't tell. I waited a minute.

"Laramie?" I softly called out.

"Oh, God. Is everyone waiting?!"

"No. It's close, but not quite time. Are you all right?"

"Come in."

I slowly opened the door to see him on his hands and knees around the toilet. Dad came in behind me.

"What's going on? Babe, what are you doing?"

"Why do I always ruin everything??!"

"What happened?"

"I was just going to pee before we started and ... God, this is so embarrassing. My pee stream came out split and just went all over the floor. I tried some toilet paper, but I was going through a lot of that, and I didn't feel like I was getting it all, and I didn't want to leave Mike's and Trent's place so unsanitary, and ... Fuck! Why do I ruin everything, damn it!"

"Hey, hey. It's okay," Dad said. "I see you got a washcloth."

"Yeah, I think I wiped everything. I found some Lysol under the cabinet."

"It smells fresh," I offered. Dad snorted.

"Here, hand me the washcloth," Dad said. Laramie handed it to him.

I didn't know what Laramie meant by his pee stream splitting. I suddenly felt like a kid who knew nothing about what being an adult was like. Was I still going to go through changes?

Dad rinsed the cloth thoroughly while Laramie got to his feet. He draped the cloth over the tub. They both washed their hands and then looked at their reflection in the mirror. Then they turned to each other.

"You look great," they both said.

They smiled and kissed.

"Okay, you two. It's time to start. Get out there," I instructed.

We all walked to the patio door. Mike was waiting. "Everyone is ready. Corey, there is a seat saved for you next to your mom on the front row."

I nodded and headed into the yard. It looked stunning. Once I was seated, Mike started the music. I knew it was going to be "On My Way" by Jennifer Lopez. It had been "their song" for as long as I could remember. Trent stepped up to the front. I was surprised that I didn't know he was the officiant. I didn't even know he could marry people! He motioned to my dads.

Everyone stood as they slowly walked out. I chuckled because I thought that was only for brides. The aisle was lined with luminaries. The overhead globes filtered rays of light to illuminate the couple enough. Tiki torches outside the rows of chairs offered even more light.

As Dad and Laramie reached Trent, they turned to face each other. They reached for each other's hands.

I wasn't sure who was sitting where because I took my seat so quickly. I only knew Aiden was right behind me. I saw him as I took my seat. His "aww" as they joined hands confirmed it. His parents were next to him.

Trent motioned for everyone to be seated. My fathers let go of each other's hands and faced Trent.

"Most of you know that I am on the radio most mornings. I'm not a person that tends to get nervous. Today, I told my husband I'm a little nervous. When Cooper and Laramie were looking for someone to perform the ceremony, I told them I'd be thrilled to do it. Because ... you can get anything online these days." Everyone chuckled. "So, I'm official."

I wondered where everyone was sitting. Trent started talking about love, but I glanced to the side as casually as I could. Having turned off the music, Mike joined my row a couple seats down. I saw Emory and Don behind him. Was Mitchell still here? How would he feel about this whole thing? I could see Lance and Jakob at the end of the front row on the other side. Lance was all smiles, but Jakob seemed preoccupied every now and then with the lights, making sure everything was working correctly.

I knew I wanted pictures, so I discreetly took out my phone. Dad said Jakob was having it recorded. I thought I could hear Aiden's phone click off a few pictures too.

Mentally, I started doing math, multiplying the rows by the number of chairs. If I was correct, there was seating for 48 people. I questioned if Dad and Laramie had 48 friends, but I knew Friendsgiving wasn't just for those two. Everyone brought friends.

I had no clue what Trent had been saying. Love, love, blah, blah.

"There's a coolness to the air, so I won't make this go on further than it needs to, but I'll finish with my own observations I've had of these two friends. I got to know Cooper best when we were running buddies. It was a hard year when he met Larry, but I could see their friendship turn to love. It was natural and true and ... for Cooper, inescapable."

Yikes. How much did that hurt Mitchell to hear?

"We need to get back to running more often," Dad quietly told Trent.

"And Laramie and I will sit home drinking beers," Mike quietly responded from the audience.

"You know it," I heard Laramie say. Some people chuckled. Laramie turned to wink at him.

"It wasn't long before I met Larry, and I knew their connection was authentic, purposeful, deep. I knew the two were meant for each other — and they did too."

Two tapered candles had been lit on both sides of Dad and Laramie. Trent nodded to someone in the back. I saw Mitchell walk down the aisle. He carried a stand and a candle of some sort.

"Everyone was told `No gifts," Trent said. "Your close friends, however, didn't want to let that go by, so there are some special things here."

Mitchell placed the candle on the stand. It was placed in a glass pillar. It was shallow enough that I could see objects around it. Dad reached for Mitchell and hugged him deeply, then gave him a kiss on the cheek. Lance and Jakob bawled. I teared up too. Laramie hugged him, and Mitchell kissed him on the cheek and then walked back to his seat. I craned my neck and saw L.B. put his arm around Mitchell. A tear ran down Mitchell's face. I was struck with so many emotions that I couldn't sort out.

"Around this candle are messages from your friends," Trent said. "They have all been encased in acrylic. They are wishes of love. They are thoughts of what they admire about you two. They are inspirations of hope. They are the blessings of friendship."

I now understood why Jakob had asked me to write what I did weeks ago.

Trent reached over to the two tapered candles and handed them to each of my dads.

"Once you are officially married, the love that you have held for years is recognized by the state as being one true love. You are joined. So, I ask you to take your two lights, and replace them with the one flame that symbolizes your commitment to each other forever — your one unified love."

They tilted their candles to the wick of the center candle Mitchell had placed. Once it was lit, they blew out their individual candles.

"Your life together will have wonderful days and days that present challenges. And some days will just suck." People snickered at Trent's words. "When it comes time to celebrate, light this candle and know that the two of you are one joined unit, you are in this life as a commitment to each other. When life is hard, light this candle and know that you aren't struggling alone. You are one. Each of you belong to each other. And look upon the blessings of friendship that surround the candle, and let those symbols confirm to you that we are here to support you and our arms are wrapped around you."

Jakob sniffed hard. Mom wiped a tear from her eyes.

Trent made a motion to ladies in the audience.

A woman came up and handed a box to Laramie. I knew she worked at his store. I think her name was Maria. She hugged Laramie. Ophelia was Lydia's mom. She gave a box to Dad. I knew her and him were in AA recovery together, ever since Dad started attending years ago. He spoke of her often, and I was able to interact with her from time to time. She was older than Dad, but she always looked great. I knew he was very close to her. The men hugged the ladies. Ophelia kissed Dad on the cheek.

"Gentlemen, take these rings you have selected for each other. Each of you have written your own promise to your mate. Cooper, you go first. Place the ring on Larry's finger."

Dad took the ring from the box. Laramie's hand was shaking a little. The two smiled and Dad slipped the ring on.

"Laramie, I am so grateful to God for sending you to me. When I fell for you, I knew it was for all the right reasons. You were the one I was looking for. You made me comfortable, you made me sane, you made me happy. I promise to do everything in my ability to make you as happy as I can for the rest of my life. You will be my one love, and I promise to be a devoted husband."

Laramie smiled. Then it was his turn.

He took the ring from the box. His shaking hand caused the ring to slip from his fingers.

"Why do I always ruin everything!" he muttered. He scrambled to pick it up. He stood up erect and composed himself. I saw Dad smile and mouth the words "I love you" to him.

"Cooper, I've never been so grateful for a cup of coffee spilled down my shirt. If God sent me to you, he did it through a cup of coffee."

The audience laughed.

"You have shown me that the world can be full of love and hope and ... life. The happiness you make me feel is something I felt never existed ... until I met you. You can make everything better just by holding my finger." Laramie turned to the audience. "That doesn't make sense to you, but it does to us." He turned back to Dad. "I promise to give my life to you, to share my life with you, and cherish my life with you, and love you for as long as I live."

The rings were now on both men.

"Gentlemen, I will now ask you to confirm your vows to each other," Trent said.

My dads faced each other and joined hands again.

"Laramie Jenkins, do you take Cooper Snow to be your husband, for as long as you both live?"

"I do," Laramie said with a huge smile.

"Cooper Snow, do you take Laramie Jenkins as your husband for as long as you both live?"

"I absolutely do."

Mike darted to the house.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Trent said to the audience. "I now present to you married husbands, Cooper Snow and Laramie Jenkins."

The crowd cheered.

Dad and Laramie walked down the aisle back into the house. As they started, Mike began the song "Brand New" by Ben Rector. I had come to love it. It was Dad's favorite.

Soon the crowd was back in the house, and with everyone inside, it seemed very full. Voices merged.

"It was so beautiful," Mom said.
"Not too long, not too short," Daryl added.
"They looked so handsome," said Brad, talking to Emory.
"Jakob did a magnificent job," added Don.
"They are so perfect for each other," said someone from Laramie's store.
"I was freezing out there. I'm glad to be inside," Aiden's mother said.

I saw Mitchell standing alone at the back of the kitchen. I walked over to him.

"Where's L.B.?"

"He had to run, but he made sure he was here for the ceremony."

"I thought what you did took great courage. How do you feel?"

Mitchell sighed. "Okay. I'm ... just processing a few things poorly." I hugged him. He squeezed me tight with his arms. "I'm so glad you are still in my life."

"Me too," I replied. "I'm sorry this is hard."

"I'm fine. I accepted it years ago. There's just ... your dad and I were something special for two years. And ... I will always love your father, Corey. He will always have a place in my heart. Don't get me wrong, L.B. and I are great. I truly love him. But ... I'll always know ..."

Mitchell's face twisted to one of emotional pain and tears began. He rushed from the kitchen to the master bedroom. I followed him.

"Hey. It's okay. I don't want you to be alone."

"I'm fine. Really. It sometimes hurts."

"That Dad didn't choose you?"

"Not that necessarily. He made the right call. It hurts because I knew I wasn't the right one for your father. Larry is perfect for him. I wasn't. They are meant for each other." Another tear escaped. "And ... and that sometimes hurts."

"I'm sorry," I softly said.

"Please, go on back out there. I'll return in a minute."

"I suppose I should try to find my grandparents."

I walked back into the living room and saw them talking to the happy couple.

"Hi Grandma; hi Grandpa."

"Goodness, you're so tall. I can't remotely call you Corey Bug anymore."

"I'm okay with that, Grandma."

"This was nice," Grandpa said.

"Yes, even though your brother and sister aren't here, we'll celebrate at our house on Thanksgiving next week."

"It was such a short ceremony, I'm fine with them not being here. Next week is fine," Dad said.

"So, what did you think, Corey?" Grandma said.

"It's about time," I quickly answered.

Everyone chuckled.

"So, you're ... okay ... with all this?" Grandpa asked.

"Totally. Laramie has been family for years. Now that it is official, I think it's awesome. Dad chose wisely."

Laramie put me in a headlock and kissed the top of my head. "I love you, Cor'."

"Love you back. Please let me go."

Mom came up to extend her hellos to my grandparents. They were happy to see her. She tried her hardest to include Daryl in the conversation.

Jakob asked for my assistance. I motioned Aiden to help.

We helped get cake and champagne ready for a houseful of people. I had noticed Jakob had a cake topper of two grooms. I had taken a picture earlier. It was now set aside on a plate.

Soon, everyone had a glass of refreshment of some sort. There were always alcoholic and nonalcoholic drinks for the toast. This year, the glasses had white ribbons tied in bows around the stem.

Trent clinked his glass to get everyone's attention.

"Mike and I are thrilled to welcome you all into our home. But this year, I'd like to allow the newlyweds to make the toast."

"Oh jeez," Laramie groaned. "You do it. You're better at this stuff."

Dad looked at the sea of eyes upon him. He blinked at the sight of many friends and a little family surrounding him.

"First, I must say thank you to Trent and Mike for allowing us to highjack a little of their Friendsgiving."

"Nonsense," Trent protested. "What could be more perfect?"

"And he's right. I couldn't think of a more perfect venue. Their beautiful home, the incredible decorations by Jakob and his Visions team — thank you, my dear friend; we love you — and to be in the presence of so many dear friends ... it's all we could ever want. To friendship and happiness."

Dad raised his glass. "To friendship and happiness," the crowd echoed.

Mitchell raised his glass in the back. I saw Dad and Laramie make eye contact with him. Mitchell blew them a kiss.

For a solid hour, people stayed and socialized. Mom, Daryl and I weren't the last to be there, but we stayed for quite a while.

Aiden had told me about a Choir get-together Tuesday evening. We agreed to go.

As we prepared to leave, Mom was praised numerous times for how delicious the cake was. I was impressed that she had made enough.

—

 

"This should be fun," Aiden said, climbing into my car. He saw my laundry in the back seat. "Are you switching over to your dads' house tonight?"

"Yeah. I've had four nights with Mom and Daryl. For the long break, I thought that was fair. I have tonight through Friday night with Laramie and Dad. They leave for their New York honeymoon on Saturday. We'll be at my grandparents on Thanksgiving."

"My grandparents are coming to our house," Aiden said. "It will be nice to see them, I guess."

"Are they more affectionate than your parents?" I sheepishly asked.

"Yeah, I suppose. Grandma certainly." Aiden was quiet. He stared out the windshield and asked, "So you think my parents are a little cold, huh?"

"I wouldn't say cold ... necessarily."

"You and I can say anything to each other, Corey."

"So, okay, they aren't super warm and fuzzy."

"They're androids."

I laughed. "They're fine. They're polite."

"I like your family."

"They have their quirks too."

"They love you."

"Your parents love you. Aren't things better with your father lately?"

"Yes. They are. A person just doesn't change overnight."

"I've heard your dad tell you he loves you."

"You kind of overheard it. I'm not sure he would say it with you standing there. His father, my Grandfather Dressel, was very ... I'm not sure what word to use."

"Distant?"

"Corpse-like."

"Aiden!"

"I never saw him touch anybody. Not Dad, not me, not his own wife."

"He's passed, right?"

"When I was 11. Grandma Dressel lives with her sister in Seattle now. I virtually never see her. We don't visit her, and she flies in like twice a year."

"Wow."

"It is what it is."

I changed the subject. "Do you know who will be at the get together?"

"No. Craig said `a few.' That could be four or fourteen."

Five minutes later, we pulled up to the house of one of our Choir friends from high school. I didn't really feel I had missed them. It saddened me that I had sort of replaced them with college friends. Once inside, I realized that even though I technically wasn't "missing" them, it was great to see them. I hadn't really experienced that feeling before. Transitioning to an adult was throwing me curveballs, but I had to admit that this was a good one. I felt comfortable around these people. I knew them; they knew who I was. I felt no pressure to fit in.

"Help yourself to something to drink in the fridge. I have chips and veggies on the table. Pizza will be here in an hour."

"Thanks, Craig," we both said and headed toward the kitchen.

Aiden poked his head into the fridge. "Cool, he has beer. Want one?" he asked, extending a bottle out to me.

"Um. Is there Dr Pepper?"

"Uhhh, there is, but he has beer."

"I'll just have a Dr Pepper."

Aiden handed me one and looked at me oddly. "I've tried it. I just don't like it," I softly said to clarify. "Not to mention, it is illegal," I said under my breath.

He twisted the lid on his beer. "This is Yuengling; you probably haven't had it. Try."

I took a sip. It was slightly different than the last one I had tried — which I couldn't even remember which kind — but it was still ... beer.

I grabbed a cup and put ice in it and poured my Dr Pepper over it. As we went back into the living room and started socializing with friends, I noticed most of them had a beer. In that instant, the comfort level I had just felt minutes ago was slightly splintered. College pressure that I should be drinking — loving drinking — slammed into me. But I knew these people well. They knew who I was. Certainly, they wouldn't look down on me, would they?

Everyone told stories of their first months of college. Some guys had already found a girlfriend; others whispered of sexual conquests, which kind of put me off. Some girls gushed over their sorority sisters. We all spoke of classes we liked and classes we couldn't stand. A few others arrived and joined the party.

One of them was Elise. Oh.

"Corey!" she smiled.

Elise and I had dated in high school for a couple of months. She was sweet — and pretty — but I felt I was too shy for her. She broke up with me to date a guy on the football team. But it was all good. We remained friends, even though my self-confidence was dented.

"Hi, how are you?"

"Great. I'm LOV-ing college."

"I'm liking Notre Dame too."

"My roommate is awesome. She and I are both dating sophomores on the basketball team."

"Oh. Nice."

"How about you?"

"Well, you know my roommate is Aiden, so we already knew each other before we got there. Having a best friend helps a lot."

"How's he doing?" she whispered.

"Aiden? Fine. He has fit in well. Had a few dates."

"With ... guys?"

"Yes."

"Good for him. I'm glad no one has given him any problems over that."

I sighed. "I wouldn't say there hasn't been any teasing, but he's handled it well."

Then I told her the mysterious story of him and Slater. As astonished as I was with the aftermath of the verbal confrontation, she found Aiden's forgiveness wonderfully sweet. And it was. And I hadn't given him enough credit for his mature actions.

By the time the pizza arrived, there were about fifteen people in the house. Aiden was on his third beer. I was grateful that I was driving. He didn't seem buzzed or anything, but I knew it had to hit him soon.

"Do you miss the guys back at college?" Aiden asked me.

"Yeah. I guess. I just kind of miss being at ND." I turned to him. "Don't get me wrong. I love seeing my family, and I'm excited to see Dad and Laramie tonight."

"Those hot newlyweds."

"Stop. But ... yeah. I was happy for them. Laramie once told me that Dad wouldn't get married while I was in high school because he didn't want me to be teased about it."

"Wow. That was kind of a harsh sacrifice."

"I'm not sure either of them was rushing to marriage, but the ... `forever' aspect of it was so obvious to me. They are meant for each other. Mushy as they are, I sometimes will watch them from the other room and just smile at how happy they make each other."

"Nice. I never got to see that."

I turned to my roommate. "You impress me, Aiden."

He jumped back a foot. "Me? Why me?"

"Because you are kind of amazing."

He looked baffled. "I'm sorry, you have me confused with a different Aiden Dressel."

"I'm not sure how to explain it. You had a different upbringing than me, but you have grown into a great person even though you imply you never got the love you wanted. You're brave and understanding and ... the whole forgiveness thing with Slater, I can't tell you how impressive that is."

"Wow. Thanks. Well, coming from the talented valedictorian, that's quite a compliment." Aiden's expression fell, and he looked down. "I forgave Slater because of you."

"Me? Why?"

"When you and I were ... well, not us ... I wanted nothing more than for you to forgive me. It ached. It hurt. And when Slater asked me, I knew what he was going through. How could I deny him what I so desperately was seeking as well."

I hugged Aiden. "He was an ass, you weren't."

"I still hurt you. I'm so sorry."

"That's way in the past."

"Four weeks is way in the past?" Aiden asked.

I chuckled as we let go of each other.

Once pizza was scarfed down, people started showing pictures of their college dorm rooms, their campus and friends they had made. People seemed impressed with how our room looked.

I felt enough courage to show people shots of Dad's wedding. Almost all of them knew he was gay, so it wasn't like it was a controversial revelation. Everyone felt it looked beautiful. Even one of the Choir kids who had spoken out against homosexuality was polite about it.

There was a buzz of a blender from the kitchen. A minute later, Aiden walked up with a new beverage.

"Craig made frozen margaritas." He extended the cup to me. "Try it. You might like this better than beer."

I took a taste. "Mmm." I took another. "I like that."

"Want me to get you one?"

I thought. I did like it. I wanted to have one. I was driving. One probably wouldn't be bad.

"I probably shouldn't. I like it. But, I'm driving and ... I see Dad tonight. I don't want to smell like alcohol. You know, he's an ..."

"Fuck. Corey, I'm sorry. I didn't think."

I put my hand on his shoulder to indicate it was okay. If we were in our dorm room, I'd give him a quick kiss.

"Does that mean ... Corey, can you smell alcohol on me?"

I took a sniff. "A little. It comes out through your pores."

"Really? Do I stink?"

I chuckled. "No. You're fine. I can just slightly detect it."

I didn't want to arrive at Dad's house too late, so at 9, Aiden and I called it a night and said goodbye to everyone. We sincerely thanked Craig and promised we would keep in touch.

Aiden had four and a half drinks. I kept taking sips from his first margarita. If people saw us sharing a drink, I wondered if they thought we were a couple.

"Tony came out to me tonight," Aiden said in the darkness of our drive.

"Really?"

"Yeah, he asked me to keep it a secret, but I'm too buzzed to do that." Then he laughed an odd laugh. Aiden probably would qualify as drunk, but he still seemed to be in control of himself. Except for keeping secrets. "He said he isn't out at college but is thinking about it."

"I guess he felt safe telling you."

"It's about time," he laughed. "Surely I couldn't be the only gay kid in Choir."

We laughed.

I pulled into his driveway. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah. I'm just buzzed. I'm fine. I'll go straight to my room. I won't even see my parents tonight."

"Okay." We stared at each other. Aiden leaned in, and I gave him a quick peck. "Happy Thanksgiving. I'll see you back at school."

At our house, I took in a gym back of clothes for a couple of days. The laundry stayed in the car.

Laramie's hug was stronger than Dad's. "It's so good to have you home." My grip on him was also strong.

Dad gave me a kiss on the cheek and hugged me next. "How was your party?"

"Good, I guess. It was nice seeing those people from high school. It's kind of sad that everyone just drifts away. You never intend for it to. I'm glad Craig organized it."

"I'm sure there was food there. Are you hungry?" Dad asked.

"Can we get you anything? Ice cream? Fruit? Popcorn?" Laramie followed.

"I've had plenty. Thanks."

"We have pumpkin spice creamer. I'll make us all a cup of decaf for a late-night treat."

Laramie darted off to the kitchen.

I looked at Dad. "What is that about?"

"He misses you," Dad said in a loud whisper. "I'll sometimes catch him moping around, sitting on the patio. Whenever I ask what's wrong, he'll say, `Nothing,' and then tell me he just misses you."

"Awww."

"We both feel the house feels a little empty."

"But I stayed at Mom's half the time anyway. It's not like there weren't times when I wasn't here."

"You haven't stayed with us since August, soooo... it is noticeable, son. We do miss you."

"Thanks. I miss you all too."

I told my father who all was at the party and what Craig had provided. I left out the alcohol part and that Aiden had way too much.

"Come out to the kitchen!" Laramie requested from the other room.

He had poured each of us a cup of coffee — which smelled great — and had pumpkin spice creamer in the center of the kitchen table.

"We need to use this up. Christmas flavors are already out."

"Why did you even buy this?" I asked.

"I did it on a whim. I got caught up in the whole pumpkin spice barrage a few weeks ago."

The coffee smelled great. I breathed in the heated vapors from my mug.

"I haven't really had you two alone since the wedding. Are you pleased with how it turned out?"

"Totally. It was like a perfect day," Dad said.

"Ditto. Aside from me dropping the ring — gah! — I thought it was nice. Trent did a great job, and Jakob knocked the decorations out of the park."

"I agree. It looked beautiful. I wish I had taken more pictures. I think Aiden did. I'll ask if he can send some."

"Is it okay for you to say you have two married dads?" my father asked me.

"Of course. You two have been together almost five years. It's not really that different."

"I suppose. I wouldn't want anyone to give you problems."

"Couldn't care less about such people."

I took a few minutes to share what Aiden has had to deal with at school, but I made sure to emphasize that he was fine and handled things very well. They were at least pleased with that. I knew they cared about him.

I was tired. We turned in just before 11.

 

—

 

Dad only had half a day today at work since it was the day before Thanksgiving. Laramie was giving the staff a few extra hours off today, but as the owner, he was going to stay until 6. I agreed to fix dinner, which pleased my fathers, and I was able to join Dad for lunch when he got off. We went to a taco place close to our house.

We stopped to buy groceries for dinner on the way back from lunch. The store was packed.

"Jeez. You'd think a hurricane was approaching," Dad said in disbelief.

"It IS the day before Thanksgiving, so I guess it shouldn't be that big of a surprise."

While they were at work, I had looked through the messages encased in acrylic around their wedding candle. The comments were nice. Most were touching, but a couple of them were funny. There was a small envelope in it and a small box. I felt it wasn't mine, so I didn't look inside them. Dad explained when we got back to the house following lunch that after the ceremony, Trent slipped those two items in. Their friends had collected enough to give them a prepaid Visa card for their honeymoon, and they paid for a reservation in downtown New York City for the last night of their honeymoon. I thought it was thoughtful.

"We'll stay at Laramie's friends' apartment for most of the trip. That will be quite nice to have a hotel in the heart of New York City though. I can't imagine what that cost."

Both of them praised me for dinner. I made pork chops in a garlic mushroom sauce. I had never attempted mashed potatoes on my own. I helped Mom once. They were fine, but I felt I added too much milk. I liked them stiffer more than I liked them creamy. The salad and bread made it a well-rounded meal.

We all pitched in to get the dishes done quickly.

Dad said he wanted to make a fire. It was to be the first of the season. I always liked fires in the fireplace.

I brought a box down from my bedroom. "I have a gift for you."

They both were startled by my surprise.

"Corey, you didn't have to..." Dad said.

"Don't get excited. It's not much."

The two of them moved close together to open it. When they lifted my carving from the box, Laramie said, "Oh wow." I immediately hated it. It was so stupid and so lame and it probably looked terrible and what would they even do with it?

"Can you tell what it is?" I asked with my stomach now in knots.

"I can," they both said.

"I see you two do it all the time. I call it "The Connection Between My Fathers."

"Oh my," Dad said.

"It's Cooper holding my finger, isn't it?"

"Yeah. You can tell?"

"Absolutely."

"It's a bit rough. I only had a few weeks after you told me you were getting married."

"Not to mention you have a full load of classes," Dad said.

"I kind of wanted it to be smooth, but the roughness of it, I don't know, makes it more manly. Maybe? I guess that sounds dumb."

"I think you are spot on," Laramie said. "Thank you, Corey."

"Yes, thank you, son. It's incredibly thoughtful. We love it."

Laramie's friend Freddy called while we were sitting in front of the fire. He wanted to check on arrangements before Dad and Laramie went to see them Saturday. I could hear half of the conversation.

"Sitting in front of the fire. Cooper just built one."

Silence.

"So butch."

Silence.

"Our flight number is 2518," he said, looking at a sheet of paper.

Silence.

"I'm glad you liked the pictures. I can show you more when we get there. I'm sure you don't want to watch the ceremony, but it will be on my laptop if we wish to suffer through it."

Silence.

"Trent's and Mike's backyard."

Silence.

"I know. Jakob did a fantastic job."

Silence.

"Just our own house."

Silence.

"We fucked for two hours."

"Hey!" I shouted, which made Laramie jump. "I'm within earshot here. Watch it."

He put a throw pillow to the side of his face as he started to turn red.

"I'm going to my room," I mumbled.

Dad had the giggles at the situation, which was uncharacteristic of him because he didn't usually like for me to hear such talk.

 

—

 

"Happy Thanksgiving, Aunt Judy," I said.

"And you, Corey. How wonderful to see you. How's Notre Dame?"

"I like it. I'm enjoying it."

"Wonderful."

How many times was I going to have to answer that question? It was the usual people I had become used to seeing at family gatherings. Uncle Curtis was still single. Thomas was now in high school, so he was getting much taller. He was interested in what college was like. Uncle Randy, who was really my Grandma's brother and not my real uncle, announced he was going to retire next fall. Grandma had prepared what was a traditional Thanksgiving dinner, but everyone else brought desserts. I was more apt to prepare meals, so desserts weren't my strong suit. Laramie and I made a pie last night. It looked really good, but we didn't know how it tasted.

Laramie shook hands with all the men. Grandma always seemed pleased to see him. He made a good impression on them that first Christmas so many years ago. It was nice to see Aunt Judy hug him. The two of them had become closer in the past few years.

We had shown them pictures of the wedding on my tablet. Everyone said how beautiful it all looked. Aunt Judy's face was distraught. She finally got up and left the room. I noticed Dad watching her. Like me, he looked confused.

For a little while, Dad and Laramie were in the spotlight. They spoke of their favorite moments the Saturday before and what they were hoping to see on their honeymoon.

"Is your mom okay?" I quietly asked Thomas.

"I'm not sure."

He looked toward the hall that Aunt Judy had gone down.

"She likes Laramie ... a lot. I heard her and Dad talking about the wedding. They debated if they should come. There was talk about it not being ... what did they call it? Scripturally correct. She felt they could offer their happy wishes today ... and not be there."

"Oh."

"If I had to take a guess, after she saw the pictures, I have a hunch she feels bad for missing it. I may be wrong; it may be something else."

Grandpa brought out champagne. He made sure everyone had a glass. It was the first time I had ever seen alcohol at my grandparents' house. As it turned out, it was sparkling cider. Even Dad could have some.

"Judith?" Uncle Wayne called down the hall.

Aunt Judy came out and took a glass. Her eyes looked a bit red.

"I wish to make a simple toast. Since all of us couldn't be there on Saturday, Faith and I wanted to make a family toast since Cooper and Larry have made everything official. Cooper, you have grown into a wonderful man, and you have chosen a very kind man to be in your life. Laramie, thank you for making my ... our son so incredibly happy. We wish you both a lifetime of happiness. To Cooper and Laramie."

"To Cooper and Laramie," the room echoed.

"To my dads," I said to myself.

A couple of minutes later, Thomas was helpful by collecting the glasses. I assumed Grandma went out to buy them since they never had alcohol around. Or maybe these were down in the basement.

Aunt Judy walked up to Laramie and Cooper. She looked Dad in the eyes. She hugged him and didn't let go. I heard her say, "I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"We're together now," Dad said.

"Thank you for making my brother happy," she softly said to Laramie in her latest hug. Laramie kissed her on the forehead. I hadn't seen him do that before.

Dinner was super delicious. Grandma's mashed potatoes were so much better than mine the night before.

Our pie was well-received. Grandma always made sure we had pumpkin pie, but our cranberry-apple pie was very delicious. I just wished the crust was prettier.

"How is your Thanksgiving?" Aiden texted before we started to drive back home.

"Good. Not super exciting but nice. Yours?"

"Not bad. I like being around people. The food was great.

"Same here."

"Just wanted to say that I am thankful you are my roommate, Corey."

"Back at you."

 

—

 

We had more of a brunch than a lunch. Dad and Laramie had to get to the airport for their flight. They had to make a connection to get to New York. It had been great being with my family, but inside I was ready to get back to school. I insisted they text me pictures from New York.

I stopped by to say goodbye to Mom and Daryl. They were happy I did. She said a million "Mom" things to me to make me want to get away from her, but I was still glad I stopped by.

Just like the drive home, the return to school was boring without Aiden. My playlist helped me to pass time. I liked singing along. With no one else in the car, I cranked the volume loud.

The dining hall was closed, so I stopped at a McDonald's an hour away from Notre Dame.

Once back on campus, it took two trips to carry everything to the room. Dunne Hall was very quiet.

As I sat in my room alone, I was glad to be back, but I wished Aiden was here already. At least I had one more night of privacy. I had jacked off every single night in my bedrooms back in Jackson Bend. That was one good thing about being at home — a bedroom to myself.

But I liked being back.

I pulled out the keyboard and began playing a little. Through the final chorus of "A Sky Full of Stars," I heard a knock on the door.

"Come in."

Geoff stuck his head through the doorway. "Can I join you?"

"Sure. What are you doing back so early?"

Geoff entered the room holding a bottle of beer. He was dressed in gym shorts and a tank top. I didn't really know Geoff to work out though. It must have just been casual.

"I guess I didn't tell you. Just before the break, I got a job at Target for the holidays. I came back the night of Thanksgiving. They needed as many people as they could for Black Friday."

"I imagine that was a zoo."

Geoff stepped up to give me a hug. He hadn't done that before. It was nice. I couldn't tell if the slight scent of beer was from the bottle or from his skin.

"My brother bought me some beer back home. Want one?"

"I'm good. Thanks."

"I didn't mean to interrupt your music. But ... can I join you?"

We sang a few songs. Coldplay, Imagine Dragons, Timberlake, The Weeknd. Geoff had a nice voice. He had never mentioned being in a music class before, but he would have been a good candidate for Choir. I enjoyed sharing such moments with my friend.

We took a break. He took the last swig from the bottle.

"Can I show you something?"

"Sure."

He nodded his head indicating we needed to go next door. We stepped over to his room.

"Remember when we tried to write a song before?"

"Yeah. We didn't get too far."

"Umm. Over the holiday break, I wrote some lyrics. See what you think."

I took a paper from Geoff's hand.

Endless Streams of Endless Dreams

 

"Geoff ... this is really good. I think you have something here we can work with. It kind of goes with something I really never took further than some initial ideas. I did a carving called `Lost,' and I was working on a song too."

"That does go with my lyrics some. Corey, do you feel lost?"

"Totally lost."

"Why?"

"I'm not sure how to fit in sometimes. I want to be a mature adult, but I also feel like I should fit into my peers at college, and ... I don't."

"Why do you say that? Everyone likes you."

"I don't do drugs. I don't really drink. I think everyone on campus is having sex but me."

"And me."

Geoff sighed and walked to his fridge to get another beer. "Sure you don't want one?"

"Sadly, I don't have the taste for it. I wish I did. Maybe I would feel like I fit in in a tiny way."

"You fit in fine. But I get you. Oh, I do have a White Claw if you want. It's not beer."

I didn't have to drive. No one would know. What harm could a hard seltzer be. It wasn't technically legal, but ... seltzer? C'mon. "Yeah. I'll take it."

I popped the tab on the can. The first taste was fine. It wasn't the turnoff of beer, but it still wasn't up to the perfectness of a Dr Pepper.

"Thanks. It's okay."

I looked at the can. It said the flavor was black cherry. Good enough.

"What made you write song lyrics?"

"A little bit of everything. Ace, Aiden, Sam, you, me."

"Explain."

"All of us seemed like we wanted to get somewhere ... like we each had a goal, a dream. And yet, I see my friends sort of just drifting along."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. We are kind of lost. Aiden has had to put up with garbage he shouldn't have to. All he wants is to be accepted."

"And a boyfriend."

Geoff snorted.

"But Ace seems very confident."

"In some ways. He has a great body, which gives him confidence, but he's hurting."

"Can you say why?"

"I suppose. He'd tell you if you asked. He was hoping for a free ride with a football scholarship. When it didn't happen, it took him down a few notches. He was the king in his hometown, cheered for, and now ... here ... he-"

"Isn't."

"Yeah. He says nothing but great stuff about the athletes that did get the scholarships. Totally a good sport about it. He tells me they are simply better. But he's drifting on his own stream, wondering what to do with himself."

"Poetic." I looked at Geoff. "Do you two talk? Does he confide in you?"

"Nah. We're not like you and Aiden. You two are so close. Ace and I are ... friends but basically roommates. We'll do some things together, usually meals. I think he'd prefer to be with jocks, teammates. I feel a little sorry for him that way."

"And you?"

"What about me?"

"What stream are you floating down?"

He moved closer to me, with his shoulder pressed to mine. The slight scent of beer let me know it was his skin and not the bottle. He had drunk a few.

"Can I confide in you?"

"Of course."

"You won't tell anyone?"

"If that's what you want, I promise."

"I'm so messed up."

He put his head on my shoulder. With that moment of closeness, I knew the alcohol had affected him.

"Talk to me."

"In this past month, I don't know. I'm just a mess. My grades are fine, but ... just fine. I want to date, but I'm a little scared."

I didn't say anything. I just let him continue.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to feel."

He sat back up.

"My older brother came home from his college for Thanksgiving. He told me he was screwing this girl on campus all the time. He gave me a few details that were a bit too personal if you ask me. But ... I don't feel like I'm there."

"There?"

"I don't want to sound like an altar boy or anything, but ... I'm a virgin."

"Me too."

"You are? Oh right, you told us that when you met Patty."

"Yeah."

"Like I said, I'm not Super Catholic-Man, but I feel like sex is supposed to be important, and I'm not sure I'm feeling just screwing some chick I went out with on a date."

"Would it make you feel better to know I am lost in those same feelings."

"There's more. When you jack off, what do you think of?"

Bam!! That was a way more personal question than what I expected. I did not see it coming. Nor would I expect anything like it from Geoff.

"Well, I don't know. A lot of things. And sometimes ... nothing."

"Do you picture people?"

"Sometimes."

"Who?"

"Geoff, this is kind of personal."

"Man, I'm sorry. I shouldn't ask. Don't answer. I'm just ... just messed up. I'm fucked up."

"Don't ... wait, you don't cuss."

"I'm just drifting! I don't know if I'm heading toward a dream or a waterfall."

"Nice lyric." I grabbed a pencil to write a note of it. "If ... if we are sharing things in confidence ..."

He looked at me. "We are."

"Sometimes I think of celebrities. Sometimes I think of just being held. Sometimes, I just think of my dick and how hard it is. In high school, when I thought about my girlfriend, I felt ... sinful, I guess. I tried not to do it because of that. For some reason, Dua Lipa was fine, but May wasn't."

Geoff laughed.

"In high school, did you ever jerk off with buddies?"

Boom! Bomb number two.

"Um, a few times."

"My brother said the same thing. I never did. I just seem to be missing everything I feel I am supposed to be doing."

"You think you should be jacking off with guys?!"

"I should be doing that and having sex and trying drugs and partying and-"

"Geoff. You are only nineteen. It's not like you are about to graduate. And even if you were, you should do what makes YOU happy. What anyone else does shouldn't affect your decisions."

"You don't feel pressure?"

"Well, now you're going to make me into a total hypocrite. Yeah, I feel some of those things."

Geoff made a huge belch, which somewhat diffused the closeness of the conversation. "Sorry."

I waved my hand to indicate for him to not worry about his poor manners.

"Sex scares me," he said. I started to detect the smallest slur in his words. Clearly the beer was starting to take effect. "My big secret is – is – is when I jerk off, I think of Sam."

Kablam! Geoff was the mad bomber.

"S-Sam?"

"Yeah. I don't know why. That night he and Ace had that bet and he just whipped out his dick in front of us ... that was the closest I ever got to jerking off with friends. I was so hard. I stroked myself until I saw you noticing me. I had seen Ace's dick before, but when I saw it that night, all hard and everything... it affected me."

"In a bad way?"

"I'm not sure. I don't ever think about Ace. Ace's cock is huge. It makes me mad."

"Mad?"

"Yeah. He's big and ... and ... I'm ... not."

I took another drink. I wasn't ready to admit anything.

"But Sam wasn't super big. He was average, I guess. And then I got obsessed with what `average' was. And in my mind, when I jerk off, I just picture his totally naked body stretched out on Ace's bed. And his dick isn't like Ace's; it's more like mine. And ... I think about it, and I don't know why." He slightly whimpered. "I'm so messed up."

"I don't think so," I softly said. "You have normal insecurities and questions."

"But I'm not big. I'm not even average probably."

I couldn't credit it to half a White Claw, but I got a burst of courage and jumped up off the bed. I grabbed my jeans and underwear and shoved them down a foot. I took my hand and made an open palm, gesturing to my own penis.

"Ah. You too."

"Yeah. And sex scares me too. I guess I want to have sex, but like you, I want it to mean something, and the whole bible thing. I just don't feel I'm ready. And I get scared that my dick isn't good enough. That's the stream I'm on."

"So, what's the dream your stream is heading toward?"

I didn't know.

"I've never thought about it in that way. I guess I want to find the right girl. The right one who is fine with waiting until the time is right. The right girl who doesn't care about dick size. The right one who has some moral qualities to her. I just don't know how to find her. So, I'm lost."

Goeff hiccupped then belched again.

He looked up at me. There was something in his eyes.

"Corey, would you be willing to ..." he paused.

I was certain he wanted us to masturbate together.

"Um, would you be willing to put my lyrics to music?"

"S – sure."

I knocked on the door of the room on the other side of mine. Steve and James weren't back yet.

For thirty minutes, now that we had some feeling to inspire us, we worked on a song. I wouldn't say it was 100 percent done, but it was a good start. A great start.

"If you'll let me have some time to myself, I can get these notes down before I forget."

"Okay." Geoff hugged me from behind while I was still sitting at my keyboard. "Thanks Corey. You mean a lot to me. Promise you won't say anything?"

"I promise."

He shut my door. It was close to midnight.

I was still a bit surprised that I willingly showed my dick to someone. But we were bonding for a moment. I came to an astonishing realization that I had seen everyone's penis from the room that night except for Geoff's.

I jacked off thinking about Sam stretched nude on Ace's bed. I pictured all of us — hard — stroking our cocks while Sam couldn't touch himself. My orgasm was huge.

 

—

 

"Can we invite Josh and Brady to a dinner this week?" Aiden asked as he brought in his last load from the car.

"I suppose. Any reason why?"

"Well, Brady lives in Dunne and seems kind of shy. I think widening his circle of friends would be good. And I want you to meet Josh. He's great."

"As long as you do the inviting and buy the groceries."

"Yeah, yeah. Just give me a list."

We settled on Thursday night following a couple of texts.

"Oh, by the way..." he said, and then hugged me. "I should have done that first."

I grinned at him. "It's okay." Then gave him a peck on the lips.

"Is it silly that I missed you?" he said.

"Aw, thanks."

"Home seems so ... so empty. Even when my parents are there, it can still feel a bit lonely."

"I'm sorry, Aiden. It makes me sad you feel that way."

"Neither of us have brothers or sisters. Do you ever feel that way?"

"Not really. It seems Mom and Dad were always too eager to be in my face. Sometimes I just wanted to push them into another room."

"You're lucky."

"I didn't feel lucky in high school. I may have preferred your home."

"Be thankful for what you have," he said, more whisper than voice.

I reflected on his words. I was thankful. I was grateful for so many things. Having loving parents should be near the top of my list, even though I didn't always think of it like that. Aiden's family had more money than us, but we were comfortable. His car was nicer than mine, but I had one. I was thankful. Once I was someplace private later, I would say an extra prayer of thanks.

"Did your dads get off to New York?"

"Yeah. They texted a couple of pictures this afternoon."

"Let me see."

I showed him shots of them with Laramie's friends in Times Square. They were at some cool structures and buildings. I thought one was called "The Vessel," but I wasn't for sure. We looked it up. It sparked an interest for us to do a roommates' trip in the summer.

Geoff knocked an hour later. We answered.

"Ace is back. Sam is too. Want to join us for a taco run?"

"Sure," we both said.

Over dinner, everyone spoke of their favorite moments from the Thanksgiving holiday. Aiden's was the wedding with my family. There were times when I was relieved that he was the person he was today. Having a childhood where he felt less than loved, he could have spiraled into a real weirdo or a thug or a crazed shooter. I felt having friends in Choir helped. I hoped I had been helpful in some small way. I was proud of the person he was today. He was kind and confident and brave. I loved my best friend.

And he loved me. We had told each other that on occasion. Geoff insinuated that he was jealous of us. But were we odd? I still wondered if we were too affectionate. But who would set such measurements? What would be the qualifiers for such a thing? Did we have to fit some unwritten standard?

We were great. Just the way we were.

Once back in our rooms, I told Aiden I was going for a walk.

"It's kind of cold."

"I can bundle up."

"Want company?"

"Is it okay if I am alone with my thoughts?"

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just want to think through some things."

He nodded.

Every hall at Dunne has a chapel. I wasn't sure if it would be open with it still being a holiday break. I found that it was. I walked in. I didn't mind that it was pretty dark. I just wanted to be alone, alone with God.

I sat. Clasping my hands, I gave thanks.

I thanked God for letting us all make it back safe.
I thanked Him for all of my friends.
I gave thanks for my family.
I asked God to watch over Aiden.
I asked Him to watch over my fathers while they were away.
I gave thanks for allowing me to attend Notre Dame. I was happy here, even with my uncertainties.
And I thanked him for Jesus.

Aiden was right. It was cold. I wouldn't be out too long. But fresh air was good for me.

"Corey?" I heard someone near me call out.

I looked. It was Patty. My expression brightened.

"Hey! It's nice to see you."

"Yeah, you too."

"Did you have a good Thanksgiving?" I asked.

"Yes. And you?"

"It was." I paused. "After we met, I kind of hung around your hall hoping to run into you," I said sheepishly.

"Oh. I'm not in Flaherty. I was just there for that Halloween party. I'm in Cavanaugh."

"Ah. My mistake." I looked down at the ground. "Well, I was ... I was wondering if you might be interested in going out ... like on a date."

"Yes, I absolutely would."

Wow. Her response was immediate. She seemed excited. Maybe I was getting my act together after all. We exchanged phone numbers.

Things were good.

 

 

* * * *

 

A new post called "The Bet and The Wedding" awaits on the blog: timothylane414stories.blogspot.com

Email: timothylane414@gmail.com