Once In A Lifetime Part 2.

By Christopher Zaldana
email: zaldanachris@hotmail.com

The author claims all copyrights to this story and no duplication or publication of this story is allowed, except by the web sites to which it has been posted, without the consent of the author.

This story is purely a work of fiction and any resemblance to person's living or dead, or to events that may have occurred, is purely coincidental. Moreover, none of the actions of the characters in this story is meant to condone, approve, or sanction their behaviour.

All comments are welcome and if you wish to contact me, please feel free to email me at zaldanachris@hotmail.com

I would like to give thanks to everyone that has written in regards to the story. I appreciate your kind words, which have provided much inspiration, encouragement and support.

Please note: Due to my very hectic and busy work schedule, all three stories will take time in being written and eventually posted. Please have patience and bear with me, check the archive every once in a while, sooner or later you'll find the updated stories and I hope you enjoy them.

Sincerely,

Chris Zaldana

Other stories in progress can be found in the Nifty Archive, under the following categories.

Historical

Eagle's Honour

Incest

My Father's Glory

"From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven. And when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, their streams of light flow together, and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being.

~ Unknown ~

As the door closed behind me I could still hear their laughter and non-stop howling. I touched my face and it felt hot, in fact my whole body was steaming, like an intense fury boiled from within me. I closed my eyes, took a long and deep breath and cursed Deirdre for the millionth time for putting me in such a spot.

I couldn't believe that classes hadn't even started and I was already the laughing stock of the entire University. I kept telling myself to think happy thoughts,... think fucking happy thoughts and everything will be all right. I set the box down the floor and arranged everything neatly and carefully. All of the sudden a thought flashed through my head, perhaps it wasn't too late to go to Aberdeen's rival University.

Sure my father would die of a massive stroke, once he found out that another of his ungrateful kids wasn't going to graduate from his alma mater, but with what just happened I was more than willing to change my name, move to another state, dye my hair a different colour and start a new life. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, I mean after all Mom graduated from Perthshire University and that's where our parents met and fell in love, but that's another retarded love story on it's own.

Apparently it was during the rugby state championships of 1959 and my father's alma mater, the great masterminds of Alpha Sigma Alpha planned to steal the sacred mascot of Perthshire University, Diablo the Ram. The plan was to get into Diablo's pen, throw a blanket over it's head, tie rope around his neck and haul the mascot into my dad's '58 Cadillac. They weren't planning on hurting the 20 year old mascot, only to keep it locked up in the basement of their frat house until the last game of the season and when the Aberdeen's Lions won over the Perthshire Rams, they would release the ram onto the field draped in Aberdeen's school colours. Unfortunately, fate had another plan and the fierce Lions were defeated 46-25 that evening and lost the magnificent holy grail of all rugby trophies, the MacKenzie trophy.

The MacKenzie trophy is the jewel in the crown of all rugby trophies. It's my personal opinion, that no other trophy can come even close to the beauty and superior craftsmanship of this sports endowment and no higher achievement can be bestowed and presented to an athlete than this precious award. It was handmade of Bohemian crystal, in the shape of a beautiful crystal rugby ball set on top of a classic silver trophy cup. The trophy was donated by Aberdeen's Dean of the College, William Lyon Mackenzie in 1870 and awarded to the best University rugby team in the state.

Going back to the theft of the ram (well that's what it was, although my father still calls it a prank), I don't think that this plan had been given much thought. I failed to see how 4 morons were going to stop a charging ram lunging at them at the speed of 20 miles per hour and somehow shove this huge and wild animal into their car. Let's not forget that Bighorn rams may stand up to 3 1/2 feet (107 centimeters) high at the shoulder and may weigh up to 300 pounds (140 kilograms). Of course the scheme went terribly wrong and Diablo ended up escaping and chasing three of the stooges to their getaway car, where he rammed into the driver's side door of the car and left a huge dent.

By then all the commotion and noise had campus security patrolling the grounds and all hell broke loose. Patrol dogs were heard barking in the distance and whistles were being blown. Diablo was a well loved school mascot and the endangerment or mistreatment of the animal would be a serious offense that would carried a high penalty/fine. The poor caretaker that was supposed to have been looking after Diablo that evening, was "busy" in the bathroom and to this day the old man insists that he was only gone for a few minutes before those, "damn Aberdeen frat kids" kidnapped sweet and defenseless Diablo.

My poor father panicked and ran in the opposite direction and towards an open window of what turned out to be the sorority house of Alpha Omicron Pi. My father climbed into the room only to be greeted by the screams and shrieks from the sorority sisters and out of nowhere, before he could even utter a word and explain himself, a baseball bat hit him on the head and he was knocked unconscious. The brave sorority sister that saved all the girls from the prowler would be none other than my future mother.

On my mom's defense, she thought that my father was some pervert, thief, or even worse, a rapist that was breaking into the sorority house. When the lights were turned on she was mesmerized and enamoured by the tall, handsome, muscular and red haired young man that lay bleeding on the floor. Once the nurse was called to check on my father's condition and campus security had captured the other three nitwits, my mother checked his wallet and found out his name, Sean Aiden Ashley.

To this day you can still see the scar on my father's head and you can clearly count the seven stitches that he needed to close the gash. Whenever the story gets told, at family reunions or holidays, my father always jokes in a low voice that the virginal sorority sisters of Alpha Omicron Pi only wanted to use him as their sex toy and to keep him in chains in their sex dungeon. Oh yeah and by the way, my mother still has that baseball bat, it's safely kept in her antique cherry memory chest by the foot of their bed.

Loud voices woke me from my deep thought. I was standing in front of the main doors and all of the sudden wave after wave of students, parents and staff walked through the doors, so I quickly arranged all my stuff, got out of the way and slowly headed upstairs to find my room. The student residence resembled a scene from a battlefield, guys were shoving and pushing each other while running up and down the stairs and everywhere you looked the hallways were littered with cardboard boxes and black garbage bags, not to mention suitcases and plastic store bins of every size and colour.

I did my best at balancing all the boxes that I was carrying, simply because I did not want to repeat the embarrassing episode that had occurred minutes earlier. I dodged my way left, right and slowly walked up the stairs but you couldn't help to step on someone's foot or bumping into another student. Most guys would give a polite nod or even a brief "hey", but others were in such a rush that they didn't even bother to take notice of you before running you down.

Heaving and panting, I finally reached the eighth floor. With the extremely expensive tuition this place was sponging from my parents and every other student on campus, I wondered why this University couldn't install at least one elevator in the student residence. I set the boxes to one side of the stairs and took a break to catch my breath, my legs and back were killing me but I guess this was at least one good way to force someone to exercise.

I took the room key out of my pocket and checked the room number. I saw the Hall Director walking down the hallway and I was about to ask him to guide me in the right direction but I quickly changed my mind as I saw him yelling at four young men who were trying to force a wide pine desk into their dorm room.

Apparently these geniuses had failed to take proper measurements and no matter how hard they pushed or pulled, the desk was now stuck halfway through the door. The Hall Director was having a fit and yelling at the top of his lungs because the desk had scratched the finish on the floor and the doorway.

The hallway was now getting crowded with on lookers and those curious enough to stop and have a good laugh. I wondered how long it had taken these four scholars in carrying that huge and heavy desk up the eight flights of stairs only to get the desk stuck in the doorway. I nodded my head, picked up my boxes and decided to look for the room on my own. The residence looked nice enough and clean (for now), one could smell the fresh coat of paint on the walls and it looked like the carpet on the floor was also brand new.

I finally found room 822 and set the box on the floor. I hoped that this was at least going to be in a decent size room and a feeling of excitement rushed back through my body, I took a deep breath, turned the key and walked in. At first the room was a little bit dark, so I turned on the lights and took a good look at the little nest that would I would be calling home for the many months to come.

I really liked the room and in all honesty it was a lot better than I expected. I rushed to the window and was curious to see what (if any) view I was to have. I was extremely delighted to see that my view overlooked the beautiful pond and park that was behind the student residence. The view was great and looked quite peaceful. It kinda reminded me of the forest back home, especially around Lake Achray with the beautiful pines and the tall maple trees that were now changing their leaves into gorgeous autumn colours.

The room was larger than I expected and certainly looked a lot bigger than the photo from the brochure. It was 15'-9" in length and 8'-7" in width and with an 8' ceiling. Deirdre had mentioned that the dorm rooms were not air conditioned, so I brought my own fan, not that I was going to need it in the winter but just in case it ever got stuffy in the room. I took a quick survey of the room and checked to see if everything was in order. The desk and chair that were by the window looked in pretty decent condition and appeared to be made out of real pine and had at least been polished over the summer and made ready for it's new occupant.

The walls had been freshly painted and you could still smell the faint trace of paint in the room, so I decided to open the windows to air out the room. A cool gust of wind rushed through the room which made the curtains dance in the air and the light coming from the outside shone around the whole room and brightened it like a beacon. I was about to walk to the closet, when I heard Deirdre yell out my name.

"Liam, where are you? I forgot your room number!", I rushed out to the hallway to meet her.

"Over here Dee and keep it down or you'll have the Hall Director on our ass!" There was my gorgeous and foxy sister at the top of the staircase but one thing surprised me, she wasn't carrying anything.

She waved at me, threw me an air kiss and at the top of her lungs, yelled out.

"Over here boys! I'm on the eighth floor and my brother's room is at the end of the hall." I raised my eyebrows and looked at her in a suspicious way. Deirdre simply winked at me and stood at the top of the staircase, she was talking and waving at someone on the stairs. She had one hand on her hips and with the other, she coquettishly twirled her long and curly fiery red locks.

As Deirdre started walking towards me, I saw 8 guys following her and carrying my boxes and mattress to my dorm room. I had my mouth open all the time and could not believe the nerve my sister had. As she came closer to me she whispered softly in my ear.

"Close your mouth sweetie, I'm positive they're all straight." She gave me a peck on the cheek, pushed me out of the way and stepped into my room.

Eight well built, good-looking and muscular guys made their way into my room and dropped everything on the floor. The first thing that came into my mind was to say to these jocks that the boxes read, fragile. I stood by the door and sized every giant up and down and simply decided to keep my mouth shut and just thank them for helping out. They gave me a brief nod or grunt and hardly paid any attention to me, they only had their eyes focused on Deirdre.

Deirdre grabbed two guys by their hands and in the most annoying and flirtatious voice, said.

"Well, thank you for helping me out boys. It was very kind and considerate of such strong and energetic men like yourselves to help out a lady in need." I rolled my eyes and glared at my sister. She had these guys eating out of the palm of her hand and this was more than my stomach could take.

Deirdre kept batting her long lashes, twirling her hair and blushing like some tart in heat. I decided to end this charade, so I cleared my throat and in the deepest most masculine voice, I bellowed.

"Thanks guys, I appreciate all your help.", No one moved or even appeared to have heard a word that I had said.

"Well, I need to clean up in here, so thanks..." I was holding the door open and yet not one of them moved a single step, so I nodded to Deirdre to get them out of the room.

"Once again boys, thanks for everything." Deirdre slowly ushered them out of the room and one by one, they unwillingly left the room.

My sister had a grin from ear to ear and as she walked towards the window I could see how easily it was for her to manipulate guys in such a teasing manner. At 5' 9" and 105 pounds, Deirdre had a feminine and vixenish body that she had inherited from the women of our family. At 34-23-34, Deirdre had a drop-dead and gorgeous physique, a sweet siren voice and an even sweeter face. As my father had said to her on her 16th birthday, "the makings of a beautiful goddess."

Where Deirdre's eyes were emerald green, mine are sapphire blue and her most eye-catching feature was her thick and long flaming red hair. Deirdre would spend a bundle a month on the maintenance of her hair. She even added striking highlights which added a more spectacular and striking "enhancement" to her hair. Both men and women are always talking about her beautiful hair, which to me is the brightest red that I have ever seen on any girl. On a sunny day her obscene mane gives off a brilliant, fiery reddish copper shimmer, which collides with her own natural red highlights and make it quite the spectacle.

Deirdre is kind and loving to those she likes, but can be cruel and merciless to those who displease her. Mom says that she has my grandmother's strong character but I think that it's her independent nature that brings out her real beauty. Growing up, I was always envious and resentful of how Deirdre was able to get away with things simply because she was, daddy's little girl or as my father called her, "his little princess".

I on the other hand, was Dad's "little stud" and my mother hated it when my father would call me that, but my father didn't care. My father is always joking around like that. It all goes back to his "frat days" in Aberdeen University and since he was a notorious troublemaker with a rebellious attitude, it was just in his nature. When I was growing up he would say to all his frat buds that I would follow in his footsteps and be another heart breaker, red-blooded Ashley colt that would one day have girls eating out of the palm of my hands. All I kept saying to myself was, boy what a major disappointment he's in for.

Deirdre was allowed to quit ballet at the age of ten and with no apparent reason, but I was not even allowed a word or an opinion when it came to my karate lessons. When Deirdre nagged and begged my parents into taking tap lessons only to quit after four months my father didn't say a word. I on the other hand was not so lucky, I was stuck taking football even though I hated the sport and cried every time my father would drive me out to the field for practice.

But as brother and sister, we were very close and the best of friends. This was even before the twins arrived and both our worlds were turned upside down by the arrival of the two princes (as my mother called them) or as Deirdre had christened them, Mischief & Mayhem.

My sister and I spent much of our childhood and teenage years in amicable terms. Growing up, Deirdre and I got along perfectly, I mean aside from the little brother and sister fights but then again these are normal and natural. I always enjoyed going to Deirdre's room and playing with her collection of dolls. It's funny how I can still remember being so young and already showing my true colours by grabbing her favourite Barbie. Deirdre would yank the doll from my hands and would tell me that if I was to play with her dolls then as the boy I had to play with Ken. I hated playing with Ken, you couldn't dress up Ken like you could Barbie but when Deirdre wasn't around, I would take her favourite barbie, hide in the attic and play with her.

Deirdre's room, had been decorated to resemble a fairy tale story. A pretty wallpaper of unicorns, fairies and castles decorated her walls, she even had a princess canopy bed detailed with pretty little ribbons and frills, made of pink satin and lace. She had a huge doll collection that was the envy of every girl on the block, not to mention her own little brother. All I got was a blue room with an ugly wallpaper of stupid planes, trains and automobiles and a plain pine bunk bed.

Deirdre has impeccable taste in clothing and like any young women her age, she just loves clothes. Even this morning before coming to drop me off at the University, she had taken hours in getting ready. She was wearing a brown suede leather skirt, a beautiful burgundy cashmere turtleneck sweater and stylish, knee-high dress boots in black leather from DKNY. She threw her Louis Vuitton plaid handbag on my desk and made a bee line to the closet and gave it a quick inspection.

"Oh Liam, look at this! I detest these small closets, just what the hell are you supposed to fit in here?" She slammed the closet door and started to arrange the boxes next to my bed. All the boxes, had been carefully marked with what they held inside and I had spent hours neatly organizing and arranging everything in order. I know that makes me really anal, but I'm a neat freak and everything has to be perfectly organized or I get really restless and annoyed.

I was staring at my sister and I was definitely glad that she was with me. With both brains and beauty, Deirdre manages to convey both sexiness and sweetness. She was sitting on my bed and caught me looking at her, she simply took out her sheer red-pink glossy lipstick from her purse and said.

"What, why the look?" She checked her hair and kept applying more lipstick to her already well coloured lips.

"I can't believe you practically charmed and seduced those guys to help us out. I mean, what ever happened to women are capable of doing anything a man can do...?"

"Sweetie, women are just as smart as men and men are just as smart as women. Men aren't necessarily better than women and women aren't necessarily better than men, in the end both genders are equally capable of doing things. There is no such thing as one gender being more intelligent or more capable because we both have brains." She crossed her arms, raised one eyebrow and took a step closer to me.

"The guys volunteered to help, so what's with you? You look upset, are you going to tell me what's eating you?" I couldn't look at her, so I looked down at the floor and in an instant the embarrassing and shameful incident from earlier flowed into my veins.

"I dropped the damn pink bag on the way to the dorm and all the books and condoms fell onto the floor. Everything got scattered all over the place but I just kept walking. I didn't want to stop and pick anything up, I was so scared and ashamed." My face felt hot again, but I still couldn't look Deirdre in the eye.

"There was this one guy, he was the most handsome guy that I've ever laid my eyes on. He calls me and tells me that I've dropped my books and I just freeze. I panicked and couldn't even move Deirdre, for a brief moment I felt as if I was shaking, I don't know if I was shaking because of fear, shame, being nervous or a combination of all three. He walks up to me and in the most casual way says, "Here you go, you dropped your books and condoms." I couldn't even breathe properly, even worse I couldn't even find anything smart to say to him."

I finally raised my eyes and looked at Deirdre's face.

She had the same look that she has when she's watching her favourite soap operas. I knew that she was paying careful attention to my every word and was trying to understand what I had gone through.

"You know what's weird? As he got closer to me, I was paying close attention to his every feature, he had the most gorgeous grey/blue eyes that I've ever seen. He was nice and polite and even though he read the names of the books at least he didn't say anything hurtful, rude or derogatory." I sat on the bed and gave a big sigh. I felt Deirdre's arm around my shoulder and she gave me a small peck on my cheek.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Liam. Hey,... look at me." She took my face in her hands and while I looked towards the window, she smiled and said.

"You know, you're not the only Ashley to ever do something awkward and humiliating in College. Let me tell you a story about a beautiful, stunning and captivating young girl who on her first ever College party got so drunk and plastered, that as the clock struck midnight, she took off all her clothes and danced naked under the stars." I turned to look at my sister, who just nodded, laughed and blushed.

"Oh my god! You didn't Deirdre, you're kidding me... right?" I couldn't believe this, she had never spoken to me about this.

"Oh no honey, it's the truth. I was so hammered, I didn't even realize I was naked. I kept telling people that I was Sinderella and I wanted my vibrating Prince Charming." She closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands. I didn't know whether to believe her, laugh or if I should ask for more details.

"Oh Liam, that was probably the most humiliating and embarrassing night of my life. Although, I didn't have any trouble getting dates after that mess, but a lot of guys thought I was just some nympho or a slut,... stupid morons. Anyways almost two weeks later after my fall from grace there was some girl from Malaysia that, according to the rumour mill, was the center of attention at a frat party because she was opening beer bottles with her you-know-what." Deirdre shook her head and pointed with her fingers down towards her crotch.

I looked at my sister in disbelief and couldn't help to giggle and blush.

"No way! Are you serious? That's just disgusting. Wait a minute, did all this happen that weekend you came over to the house and stayed for two weeks and you told everyone that you couldn't go back to school because you were sick with the flu?" Deirdre gave a little sigh and nodded yes.

"Did you ever tell Mom?" I was trying to read her face and by violent blush in her face, I knew that she was being quite honest about this.

"God No, are you insane? The woman still thinks that I'm this wholesome virgin, so please let's not even go there." At least, Deirdre had made me smile with her own embarrassing tale.

"So you see my sweet Liam, you're not the first and you certainly won't be the last person to do something stupid or embarrassing in College." She gave me a great smile and a kiss on the forehead.

She looked into my eyes and, with the most heartwarming smile, messed up my hair and said.

"And whoever this guy is, I doubt that he has more gorgeous eyes than yours. After all you have Daddy's eyes, blue as the ocean and twice as deep." Deirdre had certainly made me smile and I'm glad that she had accompanied me to the campus.

Deirdre pulled me up from the bed, gave a quick look around the room and said.

"Now c'on, let's get some of this stuff out of the boxes and then I can give you a tour of the campus." I picked out some boxes and started unpacking.

I opened the first box and found my Ralph Lauren briefs, white undershirts, boxers, socks and a laundry duffle bag that Mom had bought for me. Deirdre was unpacking the bedding sheets, my cozy Blue Star embroidered quilt, pillow sheets and two navy blue towels. Even though this residence supplied linens, Deirdre had mentioned to me earlier that no one liked using the ugly, appalling, cheap and scratchy stuff.

Mom had bought me royal blue sheets (my favourite colour) and, for a change, some dark navy sheets which she said would "disguise spots and spills". I really don't know what she meant by that because I don't eat or drink in bed but I guess since my room was practically going to be an office, bedroom and living quarters, she perhaps knew better. From another box, I carefully unwrapped my Georgetown solid brass desk lamp, which was my Dad's gift. It was a handsome and classically detailed table lamp in solid brass, black marble accents and stretched in a faux-leather shade, it also had double pull chains and a decorative ball finial that completed the look.

Deirdre was now taking out the curtains that she had picked out for me as a present. With her exquisite and splendid taste, she had picked a sophisticated pattern in royal blue. The curtains were made of semi-sheer voile cotton, which maintained privacy while letting the light in and keep the room bright. The subtle tone made the room glow with soft warmth and also provided contrast and depth.

"Liam, did Dad set up the checking account for you? I know how forgetful he gets, I meant to remind him and then something came up."

I checked my school bag and checked to see if I had brought the bank book.

"Yeah, we went last week to open the joint account at our home branch. Mom's name is also on the account, she said she also wanted to make deposits into the account. I also got a credit card but Mom made it very clear that it was for emergencies only. She kept bringing up your name, something like... "Don't max out the card, like your sister did on clothes and other unnecessary things."

Deirdre rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Oh, that woman is impossible! For crying out loud, max out one damn credit card for $5000.00 dollars and you never hear the end of it."

Deirdre threw her arms in the air and made a face. In her first year of College, my sister had charged her credit card to it's maximum and had bought everything under the sun with it. I still don't know how she thought she was going to pay for all those things that she bought, but as always Dad came to her rescue and paid the bill. Mom on the other hand was ready to kill Deirdre.

Deirdre was busy taking the cutlery out of another box, she set everything on the bed. Mom again had thought of everything but the kitchen sink. I had cups, plates, bowls, knives, forks, spoons and even a small fridge that I inherited from my sister's brief college days. I have to agree that the fridge was the perfect size, it fit perfectly between the bed and my desk and would be ideal for those early breakfasts, weekend meals and not to mention snacks, etc.

In a box labeled "Bathroom", I found my leather toiletries case where I keep my shower stuff; shaving cream, soap, deodorant, hair gel, shampoo, toothpaste, brush and slippers. I set everything on the desk, while I hung my cozy Ralph Lauren robe behind the closet door.

Deirdre was now opening another box and putting all the stuff on the shelf.

"Oh Liam keep this handy, Mom prepared a First aid kit for you." She opened the little white box with the large red cross on it and said, "Let's see, you've got all kinds of band-aids, that's good and there's some antiseptic ointment and aspirin (which I guarantee, you'll soon need), a bottle of Isopropyl rubbing alcohol, first aid gauze, water proof first-aid tape, a small scissors and even a nail clipper and file."

"Did Mom pack my allergy pills?" I was hanging my shirts in the closet and hoped that I brought enough hangers for all my pants and shirts.

"Yup she did, she packed Tylenol Sinus & Allergy. Says here on the box, that they're good for clearing block nasal passages, drying a runny nose, soothing itchy water eyes and calming sneezes, hopefully this will work for you. Mmmm what else, you've also got a non-drowsy cough suppressant Robitussin DM, along with some Alka-Seltzer, Pepto-Bismol, Aloe gel, Sun Screen, Athlete's Foot Powder and Antifungal Cream... eeeew."

"Well, I got my sandals and don't plan to be walking around barefoot in this place, but just in case, I'm glad that she thought of everything." I was now folding my sweaters and classifying them by colour when my sister kicked me in the butt and said.

"Well not everything, I don't see any condoms in the First-Aid kit and even you shouldn't have any trouble getting laid in this place." I blushed a little and ignored her last comment.

"You're right about Mom not packing everything, but you know how uptight Mom is about sex, blame it on her strict Catholic upbringing." Mom never spoke to us about sex, well as far as I remember not to me anyways, and I don't even know if she had the "talk" with Deirdre.

The subject of condoms, stirred a curious subject that I had never really asked Deirdre.

"So dear sister, who was the first guy you ever did it with? I mean, aside from the nasty rumours in high school that you did it with the entire basketball team." I knew that my sister was not a tramp, but it was fun to poke fun at her and once in a while put her on the spot, as much as she liked to do with me.

"Excuse me, my dear little brother but I'm not a slut. I was only fucking the basketball captain who by the way you also had your eyes on." I blushed a deep crimson red as she brought the image of my dream stud and basketball captain, Jason McDonald. To this day, I still have wet dreams about the things that I would let Jason do to me and me to him.

Deirdre let out a big sigh, grabbed her purse and took out her compact mirror. She applied sheer raspberry lipstick to her lips and as she smacked her lips, she looked at me and slowly applied tempting cherry lip gloss.

"That was a vulgar rumour created on behalf of my cheer leading nemesis, Chloe Flaherty. That cunt was always resentful and envious that I was cheer leading captain and also dating Jason."

The basketball gangbang rumour started circulating at our high school during Deirdre's senior year. At least to my knowledge, it never really did seem to affect Deirdre but then again my sister has a very strong soul and could care less what was being said about her. It was a whole different story with me and, although she told me not to let it get to me, I certainly didn't like anyone talking that way about my sister. I got into a couple of fights that year because I had heard some guy making tawdry comments about Deirdre.

Even though I was no boxing champion, I was able to throw some good punches and on more than one occasion, Jason had shown up at the right time, stood up for my sister and also saved my ass from a senseless beating. At 6'4" and weighing 210 lbs of pure hard muscle, Jason was a giant of a man. So when guys saw him coming they knew better than to mess with him and although he might seem like he could intimidate the hell out of you just by one look, he's actually a great guy, exotically beautiful, unbelievably sensual, unusually personable and blessed with perfect symmetry.

"Anyway, to answer your question, my nosey little brother, my first time was with Jason and I'm glad to say that he was my first and no one has been able to replace or compare to him, in any way." I raised my eyebrows and just imagined what she meant by that. After all, every time I had seen Jason in his tight blue jeans, I knew that the guy packed some heavy artillery between his legs but there was more to Jason than what lay between his legs. It was always fun to be around him, he has a great sense of humour, an irresistible laughter, a captivating charm and he's the most sweet natured kinda guy.

In the end, with all the nasty things that were being said about Deirdre in school, my sister simply paid no attention. With the patience of a Redback spider, my sister waited for her enemy to make a fatal mistake and walk into her trap, where she would wait, pounce and devour her prey. When Deirdre found out exactly who had been responsible for trying to ruin her reputation, my sister got even in the most memorable and vindictive way possible, that to this day many people in town still whisper about, "Chloe's fall from grace."

Once Deirdre found out about the culprit she let me in on her mastermind plan to destroy her arch-nemesis once and for all. There was to be no mercy and my sister vowed to be ruthless in her punishment. The rumour-monger was none other than cheer leading team mate and vice-captain, beautiful blonde and buxom bombshell, Chloe Flaherty. I don't know how Deirdre had found out, but apparently Chloe was dating a senior from our rival high school and not only was this a major faux-pas, but he was also the basketball captain for the Timber Wolves and Jason's most hated enemy,... Ross Gallagher.

For the next days and weeks I became a stalker and spied on Chloe's every move. I was practically her shadow and the bitch never left my sight. One evening I followed Ross and Chloe to Walnut Creek Falls, where they eventually parked the car at Lover's Lane and started a heavy makeout session. This was a pretty stupid and ballsy thing to do because Lover's Lane was a very popular and favourite spot for horny teens to take their dates and make out, so it was a risky move to be caught or be seen in such a place.

I was hiding in the bushes and felt like a real pervert watching this debauchery and plot unfold and when the windows started to get all fogged up, I decided to get closer and a better look. I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard another car pull up and park next to Ross's car. I was shocked at first, but not surprised to see vice-captain for the Timber Wolves, Alan O'Doherty casually get out of his car and slowly walk up to his best friend's car.

At 6'2, Alan was built like a solid brick wall and killer good looks, he was a very handsome guy but quite an asshole. He had dark brown hair in crewcut style, dark green eyes, a great smile and there was even an air of arrogance about him that I'm sure he even knew. As he lit a cigarette he stopped for a second to take a good look at the action inside the car and threw an evil grin. I saw Chloe smile and by the look on her face one could see that she truly hungered for Alan, she lowered the window and as Alan stuck his head inside, she he gave him a big and wet kiss on the lips.

Alan kissed her neck and stroked her golden hair and back gently, while Chloe ran her soft hand over Alan's muscular chest. Ross silently watched the action between his best friend and Chloe and started to take off his shirt revealing a nice set of hairy pecs and well-defined abdominal muscles.

Ross opened the door and Chloe welcomed Alan by licking his nipples, which in turn made me groan with lust and ecstasy. My own erection was jerking wildly in my jeans and as I saw Alan drop his shirt on the dirt floor, part of me wanted to grab it, smell it, rub it all over my body and keep it as a souvenir.

I had a great of view of Chloe pulling off her top and I noticed that the slut wasn't even wearing a bra, what a tramp! Her huge white tits were firm with very hard nipples and she stood up, she did this kinda strip tease for the two hunky jocks and very slowly unzipped her skirt. The two gorgeous studs were licking their lips like wolves about to devour their prey and quickly followed her lead and soon clothes were flying in every direction. As they flexed their muscles and sat there naked they enjoyed Chloe's strip tease and kept stroking their massive erections. Her eyes never left their cocks and the guy's couldn't take their eyes off her lithe and supple body.

I couldn't even keep the camera steady, my hands were trembling, my face felt flushed and I was perspiring like I had never perspired before. I saw Chloe give Alan a wet kiss and I'm sure that the harlot was slipping the tongue to this amazing stud. Ross on the other hand was busy licking and caressing Chloe's smooth and creamy white back and as she threw her head back out of pure intoxication this was Ross's opportunity to slip her his tongue.

Alan buried his handsome face into Chloe's breasts and started sucking, licking and biting her pink nipples. The car again was getting too steamy, so I decided to make my move and very carefully moved from my spot. I noticed a tall maple tree close to Ross's car and whose branches looked as if they could support my weight, so I carefully tip-toed my way to the tree and climbed it. Perhaps this way, I could get a much better angle and view of the depravity that was going on in the car.

As I slowly climbed the tree, I heard the moanings and thrustings of a vixen in heat. For a brief moment, I must have looked quite comical climbing the tree in the middle of the night and with a camera strapped to my back. As I adjusted the lenses on the camera, I saw Chloe move her right hand down to her crotch and she was doing something to herself, that had her face all flushed and sweaty. She then threw her head back and her blond mane was now dancing in the air, the first thought that came to my mind was, is she doing what I think she's doing?

Chloe was now playing with herself and as she pulled her wet fingers from her warm velvet treasure chest, she licked every one of her fingers and with that Alan lost control and, by the look on his face, he was hers for the taking. Chloe smiled seductively while Ross continued to give her small kisses and small bites on her back. I guess this is the stuff that wet dreams are made of for straight guys. I'm sure that Chloe must have felt deliciously saucy because in the most teasing manner she lowered her black leather skirt and black panties.

She sat between both of them and pulled Ross into a lip-locking kiss and embrace. Alan took Chloe's black silk panties and took a great big wiff that almost made me want to barf. I looked away for that one second and the next thing I knew, Ross lowered his head and with his huge hands, parted the Gates of Heaven. A groan escaped someone's lips, I couldn't figure who it had been, since all three were groaning and moaning, it was chorus of excitement and delirium.

With one hand Alan teased Chloe's large nipples, while Ross moved closer and inserted two fingers into Chloe's now dripping Golden doorway. When Ross's fingers were totally coated with Chloe's juices he held them under Alan's nose and he inhaled deeply, I closed my eyes again and this hetero action was now getting revolting. Alan suddenly fell to his knees in front of Chloe and buried his face in her pussy. He lapped greedily and hungrily and by the look on Chloe's face and how red and flushed her face was, he was an expert at giving this kind of sexual satisfaction.

I had never even seen a straight porno, much less a live sex show, but this action was getting scorchingly hot. I was so horny and turned on that I was in danger of creaming my jeans. Alan then coated his firm long cock with spit and with one urgent lunge he penetrated Chloe. He slowly started a nice fucking rhythm and was soon panting like a dog in heat as he thrust greedily into Chloe's warm, wet and slick pussy. In the moonlit night I could perfectly and clearly make out his smooth ass as he drove his thick cock with such a force that slurpy and squelchy sounds were to be heard.

Ross took his position and presented an even thicker cock and just as big's as Alan's to Chloe's open and willing mouth. He slowly fed Chloe his delicious cock and as she teasingly licked her lips I did the same. My mouth felt dry and empty, I would have given my left nut to be in that cunt's place. The cock whore was now getting fucked at both ends and she sighed with deep pleasure, as did Ross and Alan.

Ross took his sweet time and fucked slowly and in a masterful way, this hunk certainly had the inches and knew how to use them. With his free hands, he caressed her tits and tweaked her pink nipples and he brought his lips to hers in a sweet and gentle kiss. Alan's tanned muscles looked awesome under the light and his body was now getting covered in tiny droplets of perspiration.

The hetero fuck was turning me on so much, that I got bolder and decided to move in even closer to getter a better view. Chloe's manicured nails were digging deep into Alan's back and she gave him a full-mouth kiss, she then turned to Ross and did the same thing. The sight of her sharp and pink tongue licking and tickling Alan's muscular pecs was driving me delirious, I couldn't take much more of this hot fuck. I was transfixed on everything these two jocks were doing to her, it was mouthwatering and making my weak in the knees. It was an amazing sight to see two masculine, straight and powerful muscular studs fucking this tramp.

The marathon fuck had taken all of them to cloud number nine and they had no intentions of coming down. Chloe was drenched in sweat and I could see Alan's ass muscles contract as he plunged deep into Chloe, his face was flushed and kept moaning.

"Oh yeah, baby! Fucking sweet baby, uh, uh, oh yes...urgghh, yeah, yes, ahh, ahhh..."

I think that Alan was now pumping Chloe's hot pussy with loads of hot teenage cum. Chloe basically looked like she was in some sort of trance or in a coma of pleasure, she was laying back with her eyes half closed, sweating, breathing heavily but with a satisfied smile on her face. It was obvious that this cunt was enjoying both studs that were fucking her three ways from Sunday.

Ross was feeding Chloe his fat, obscenely thick cock and kept muttering through clenched teeth.

"Oh, Ohhhhhhhh, ummmm, don't stop sweetie, your mouth feels so good!"

The look on his face was proof enough that Chloe was an expert cocksucking whore and she knew very well how to use her many talents in pleasing men. Ross looked so handsome and manly as he bucked and spasmed a large and thick load of baby batter all over Chloe's face.

After about forty five minutes of intense fucking I simply couldn't take it anymore and stopped filming. I figured I had more than enough to get back at Chloe and besides I needed release. So while Alan was busy eating and fingering Chloe's pussy, Ross was now busy kissing her cum covered face. I was busy jacking off and trying not to make any noise, but God how I wished it could have been me being part of that fuck sandwich!

Then in lighting speed it happened, I heard the faint sound of a branch splitting and then there was a loud CRACK!

The branch that had been supporting me gave in under my weight, perhaps due to my constant moving or fidgeting. My brain was estimating that I was about to fall 14 feet and that this was going to hurt like hell. I was shocked and surprised that I didn't scream like a girl on the way down, but everything happened so quickly that the only thing on my mind was that I was hoped the camera would survive the fall or there would be hell to pay.

On my way down, I even got a good look at a bunch of squirrels who witnessed my fall, and I could have sworn that they were pointing and even laughing at me. I hit branch after branch, after branch and this hurt like hell, I think this was God's way of punishing me, for being such a perv and for being an accomplice in the plan to destroy Chloe.

I said every foul and obscene word that I knew while my ass, back, arms and legs were getting a good beating from the tree's branches.

"F****** son-of-a-b****!, f*** this!, my poor f****** ass!, damm this f****** hurts!, f*** my poor back!, f****** twat!, f***, f***, triple f***!, s*** that hurts!", Every now and then when I'm horny or bored out of my mind, I like to watch the tape to get off and get a good hearty laugh. The last minutes of the tape are hilarious, the moment when I'm falling from the tree, you can only see branches and sometimes a close up of my face, but man can you hear all the obscenities.

I hit the floor with a loud crash and thud, at first I was dumbstruck and mystified that all the branches had basically broken my fall and saved my life. I slowly got up and checked to see if I had any broken bones and even though I was in terrible pain, I was very glad that no one had witnessed such an embarrassing scene. As I cleaned myself up, I felt something fall on the ground, I knelt, picked it up and was surprised to see my gold cross.

"Shit the chain broke this is just perfect, damn it! It's dark, I can't see anything on the ground and now I have to find my St. Christopher silver medal." I moved around carefully and was lucky to find the gold chain close to my feet. I guess that it must have gotten caught in something and broke in two parts but nothing serious that a jeweler couldn't fix. Then all of the sudden, I heard a car door slam and a deep male voice yell out.

"Who the fuck is out there?" I realized that the loud crash, had interrupted Chloe's threesome and Ross had probably rushed out to see what had caused the loud raucous.

"If I find anyone, I'm gonna crush your skull and break every bone in your fucking body!"

I panicked and frantically tried to find my St. Chris silver medal. I just had to find it, this was a very special gift given to me by my mother at my first communion. St. Christopher is the Catholic patron saint of travellers and he's always depicted as a tall, middle-aged, bearded man with a staff who wades across a river carrying the Christ child on his shoulders.

As the story goes, the extremely robust Christopher devoted his life to carrying people across an otherwise unfordable stream. One day a little child appeared before him and asked to be carried across. To Christopher's surprise, as he forded the river the child steadily increased in weight until Christopher found his tiny burden so heavy that it was almost impossible to bear. When he asked the holy child why he weighed so much, the child replied that he carried the world's sins upon his shoulders. As a reward for his service, Christopher's staff was miraculously transformed into a living tree and Christopher himself became the Patron Saint of travellers.

My mother had given me and my sister the same silver medals to protect us. It had quite a sentimental value to me, so I couldn't leave my medal in the woods, but when I heard another door slam and a very familiar voice yell out.

"You go that way, and I'll go this way and yell out if you find someone..."

That was cue to flee in panic, the deep baritone voices of Ross and Alan's were getting too close for my comfort, so I limped my way out of the woods and rushed to my car. I certainly didn't want to be caught by these two huge jocks and have explain what I was doing at Lover's Lane alone, covered head to toe in dirt, leaves, branches and with a camera in hand.

Once I made it home Deirdre was waiting for me in my room. I handed her the camera, went into the bathroom and changed clothes. While she sat on the bed, I explained everything that had happened and Deirdre was paying close attention to my every word. She silently watched the tape and as I came out of the bathroom, my sister had that malicious and destructive look on her face and once she gets that look then I wish you the best of luck and you better sleep with one eye open.

She had the biggest and most mischievous evil grin from ear to ear and all I heard her say was,

"The queen takes the pawn. I got you, bitch."

I sat next to Deirdre on the bed and watched some of the tape and as Chloe's moanings got louder and louder, I took the remote control from her and turned off the tv.

"I lost my medal."

Deirdre gave me a confused and puzzled, while she tried to take the remote from me.

"What?"

I sighed and showed her the broken gold chain and my cross.

"When I fell from the tree, I don't know... a branch must have gotten caught on my chain and..."

Deirdre took the chain in her hands and examined it.

"You weren't able to find it?"

I shook my head from side to side and sighed.

"I tried to look for the medal but then I heard those two goons heading in my direction, so I had to leave in a hurry. What if they find the medal, Dee? We have to go back and look for it!"

Deirdre got up from the bed and walked towards the window. She was grasping my chain with her hand and as she looked out the window, said.

"We will, relax little brother... relax. We'll go back and look for your medal, but not now. We have to be careful, we'll go back in two days. We can't risk being seen there now because it would ruin my plans."

Now it was my turn to give Deirdre a curious look. She had an evil and wicked look on her face, I had never really seen this side of her, it was quite scary.

"So what do you have in plan, dear sister?"

Deirdre handed me back the chain and grinned.

"You'll soon see."

Deirdre's emerald green eyes, shone brightly under the moonlight and I knew that something wicked was coming this way.

By the following Wednesday, Deirdre and I returned to the site where I fell from the tree and we were both surprised that I had escaped unharmed from the fall. It had been quite the fall that I survived and seeing the height from which I fell from only made me want to look even harder for my medal.

We looked all over the place but had no luck. I felt uneasy about losing my special silver medal and Deirdre must have felt bad because by the next day she handed me a small blue box wrapped with a gold ribbon and as I opened it, there was a silver medal of St. Christopher.

"It's my medal, I went to the jeweler and he cut it in half. This way you'll have half and I'll have the other half and we'll be bonded by the same medal."

I gave her a big hug and she put the medal around my neck and I did the same. I just hope that my mother never finds out or she'll be very pissed off that I lost my medal.

For the next couple of weeks both Deirdre and I worked on the plan to destroy and humiliate Chloe. I knew that I was probably going to go to hell for doing this but as Mark Twain once said, "Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."

We managed to clean up and edit scenes on the tape and soon enough, Chloegate would be unleashed over our quiet little town of Aberdeen and, thanks to the internet, all over the globe. Our website would include photos of Chloe in her high school cheerleader uniform, along with other discreet details as her birthday, measurements, hobbies, the name and address of the school she attended, her grades, home address, email address, cell number and even home number.

Deirdre and I even enlisted the help of the terrible twosome Mischief & Mayhem. Sean and Aiden, were more than happy to help us out, but for a price of course. Deirdre ended up buying the twins two very violent video games for their PS2 that our parents had refused to buy them due to such graphic, savage and maniacal violence.

The twins helped by plastering flyers all over town and by the end of the day, there was no school, building, restaurant, pub, bus stop or home that did not get the infamous flyer. It must have been a helluva shock and surprise to everyone to wake up the next day with a flyer at your door promoting the sexual escapade of a high school teenage girl getting banged by two seniors of a rival high school.

Our dearest Chloe didn't show up to school that day or ever after. Rumours flew that her parents had sent her off to a private Catholic School for wicked girls run by Carmelite nuns somewhere in Canada. Mission accomplished, Chloegate had been a hit all over town, thanks to the dynamic sexual performances of it's three stars. Over the next couple of days, Chloegate was the only thing everyone talked about, even at school it was impossible to walk into a classroom without hearing whispers and giggles about dear, sweet Chloe.

Well that had occurred two years ago and it's amazing how people still remember the "incident". My sister threw a towel at my face and said.

"Earth to Liam, what were you thinking? You zoned out for a while, what's gotten into you?"

I picked up the towel, smiled and shook my head.

"Ummm nothing, sorry. I was just thinking of what's it going to be like for the next months. I really hope that I'm ready for College and that I don't screw up."

Deirdre walked towards me and softly caressed my face.

"Look Liam, God gave us both different gifts. You were born an egghead, so you were given the gift of knowledge and I, being this gorgeous, was giving the gift of beauty. You're the one with the brains in the family, your grades were among the best in high school and you were always on the honour roll. Besides, you're such a nerd that you'll do well in Aberdeen, so relax, little brother, and enjoy your new found freedom."

My sister always knew how to make me feel better and her sweet smile could melt any iceberg. She grabbed her purse, checked her watch and said.

"C'on Liam, let's go out for a walk. I still have to drive back home and I want to show you around before I leave." I took my jacket and we were out the door.

We headed to the park that was behind the student residence and I was delighted to find such a peaceful and beautiful place so close to my dorm. Red-tailed chipmunks were running and jumping all over the tall grass collecting nuts and berries and above us, we spotted a school of Canadian geese heading south for the winter. The trees in the park were full of foliage with the bright colours of autumn; beautiful shades of red, orange, yellow and brown leaves. All of a sudden, as I zipped up my jacket, a cool breeze picked up and we were caught and encircled in a whirlwind of autumn leaves.

There was even a beautiful fountain in the middle of the park. We stopped for a brief second and threw a coin in the fountain and made a wish. An elegant and beautiful Mermaid with verdigris finish features was sitting on top of a rock pouring water from a conch shell and the water trickled downwards, where it sprinkled the water lilies in the fountain. We decided to head west towards the pond and all along the path the trees were slowly changing their colours, there were many red maples and even some northern red oaks but the most attractive and eye catching, were the Pink Dogwood trees, which were a good 15 feet and still in full bloom with very large pink flowers that were turning a brilliant red with the coming fall.

All along the path there were many shrub roses that were in full bloom. These compact and bushy deep red roses were quite fragrant and their sweet perfume lingered in the air. There were many Hearty Wild roses with pink flowers and Bonica roses in different shades of pink. Once in a while, we would encounter some student jogging or riding their bike along the path, but for the most part the park was deserted.

We came into the view of the pond and it was simply breathtaking. It was a very large pond, not quite a lake but still very impressive. On a rock, a Great Blue Heron was patiently waiting for a fish to swim by and then make it's move and in the far distance I could make out about 5 Mallards swimming from one end of the pond to the other. The most gorgeous were the 8 Swans that were busy preening their feathers by the shore. I was glad that Deirdre had brought me here, this would be the perfect place were I would come for peace of mind and to rest.

"So what do you think, Liam. Do you like it?"

I gave my sister a big smile and simply nodded. I didn't need to say anything else, she knew how I felt.

"I thought so, you're such a sucker for nature and I'm sure that you'll find peace here. Now, I know that you don't drink but I want to show you the path to the student pub. It's very popular with the locals and students, who knows you might run into someone from back home."

After walking for about half an hour, we walked into town and headed to The Red Lion. It was an old pub and, if the sign was accurate, it dated all the way back to 1870. True to it's word, as you entered the pub a large head of a lion hung over the entrance, covered in red paint. I meant to ask Deirdre the story behind the place but as we walked in all eyes turned to my sister and I forgot.

We walked to the back of the pub and sat by the window overlooking the street. A pretty waitress in her early twenties came to take our orders.

"Hello there, my name is Lisa. What will you have?"

She took a pen from her pocket and waited for our order.

"We'll since I'll be driving back home, I'll just have an Espresso please."

The waitress wrote it down and then looked at me.

"So what about you, handsome. What's your pleasure?"

I blushed and gulped. Deirdre giggled, when her phone started ringing.

"Ummm, I'll just have a coke. No ice please, thank you."

"So young and so polite, you sure are a sweetie. I'll be right back sugar."

Deirdre was rolling her eyes and while she covered the mouth piece, she whispered.

"It's your mother! You want to talk to her?"

I nodded to her, NO! I quickly got up from the table and headed for the bathroom, I was in no mood to hear another "word of wisdom" or even worse, my mother could start crying again. I whispered to Deirdre that I needed to go to the washroom and while she gave me the finger, I took off.

I followed the signs and left my sister talking to our mother. I walked past a couple of guys drinking and talking about the first game of the season between the Aberdeen's Lions and the Perthshire Rams. I came across a sign that read Billiard room and there was a lot of laughter and swearing coming from the room. I paid no attention and hurried into the men's washroom.

The bathroom was quite big and as soon as I stepped inside I caught an overpowering smell of stale piss and other stuff that I couldn't quite make out. There were four urinals lined against the wall, but three were occupied by very tall jocks wearing Aberdeen Letterman's jackets in Royal blue.

Being the shy guy that I was, I decided to go into a stall and do my business there. The stalls were at least clean but covered in graffiti, I unzipped and took aim. While I let it rip, I got curious and read the nasty graffiti, the first one that caught my eye, read.

"I have 10-1/2 inch hard cock, as big as your arm and twice as thick, I have stretched hundreds of assholes and cunts... how badly do you want it?" (July 7, 1928)

I blushed and read the next one.

"If I had a girl and she was mine, I'd paint her ass with iodine and on her belly I'd put a sign. Keep off the grass this hole is mine!" (March 12, 1955)

I shook my head from side to side and now I was having trouble pissing. I was getting hot under the collar and for some reason my mouth felt dry. I was about to read the next one, when I missed the bowl and almost sprayed my shoes with urine.

TIMES WHEN THE "F" WORD WAS APPROPRIATE

"What the fuck was that?" Mayor of Hiroshima

"Where did all these fucking Indians come from?" General Custer

"Any fucking idiot could understand that!" Albert Einstein

"It does so fucking look like her!" Pablo Picasso

"How the fuck did you work that out?" Pythagoras

"You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?" Michaelangelo

"I don't suppose it's gonna fucking rain?" Joan of Arc

"Scattered fucking showers... my ass!" Noah

"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head!" John F. Kennedy

"Who the fuck is going to know? " Bill Clinton

I was busy reading the graffiti when I heard one of the jocks on the urinal say, "Did you see that stunning redhead that walked through the door. She's fucking beautiful, man I'd do anything to get between those legs."

Were they talking about my sister? I kept quiet while they laughed and joked some more. After they were done they left without even washing their hands, the fucking filthy pigs.

I shook the last drops of piss and flushed the toilet. I read the other messages on the opposite sides of the wall, which read.

"What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands."

There were more on the lower part of the wall and I crouched to get a better view.

"Some come here to sit and think, some come here to shit and stink, but I come here to scratch my balls and read the bullshit on the walls..."

I had to laugh at that one, I think that one was quite hilarious. I wanted to mention it to Dee, but then I thought better than to bring up such a stupid and coarse subject. The next one was something else.

"Everybody pisses on the floor. Be a hero and shit on the ceiling."

There was a drawing of what looked like to be a penis with legs and arms, the title read.

6 Reasons for NOT being a penis

6. You live surrounded by nuts
5. You have a head with no brains
4. You have one eye that can't see
3. Your best friend is a pussy
2. An asshole lives behind you
1. They make you do pushups until you throw-up (Sept. 28 '59... AAS)

There was a joke underneath and with the title,

14 Inches

A big Texan walks into a Dallas men's room and does a double-take at the little guy standing at the next urinal. He's holding his "snake" with two hands and smiling.

The Texan asks, "How long is that snake fella?"

"14 inches."

"Is that 14 inches soft?"

"Yes."

"Well how long is it when it's hard?"

The little guy answers proudly, "I don't know it takes so much blood, I faint!"

I read another one and heard someone come into the bathroom and unzip at the urinal. As I read the next joke, I could heard a long and loud stream of piss hitting the urinal.

Baking A Cake

One day a little girl was watching cartoons when she sat on the remote control and a porno appeared on another channel. The little girl asked her mom, "What are they doing?" The girl's Mom said, "They're baking a cake, dear."

The next day they were walking in the park and there were these two young people making out on the grass. The girl pointed and said to her Mom, "Look Mommy they're baking a cake!"

The next day the girl says, "Mommy you and daddy were baking a cake last night."

Her mom gave her daughter a curious look and replied, "How did you know?"

The girl smiled and said, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa!"

I thought that last one was just sick. I looked at my watch and it was time to get out of here, or Deirdre would soon be coming into the washroom looking for me. I walked over to the sink and washed my hands. I noticed that another tall jock was standing in front of the urinal and, while pissing, he was humming some tune. Curiosity got the best of me and I took a quick peek at the guy, I got a weird feeling and from the back he kinda looked familiar.

He pulled away from the urinal and that's when I almost fainted. Standing at the urinal was once again, the hunk that made me weak at the knees just a couple of hours earlier. He had his Varsity jacket on and the familiar and bold letter C was clearly displayed on the left chest and embroidered on the right chest was his sexy name, Kyle.

Once again, my throat felt parched and dry. This was a sure sign that I was getting nervous and when I get nervous, I turn stupid and what's worse, I can't speak.

That's when I saw out of the corner of my eye a large uncut and thick cock being milked with both hands. Kyle kept humming some annoying tune and then almost in slow motion, he turned around and while exposing himself to me, he smiled and zipped up.

"Hey there, how's it hanging? Don't I know you?"

I raised a finger to my chest and looked around the bathroom. He gave me a killer smile and said.

"Yeah you. Do you see anyone else in here?"

I gulped hard and nodded no.

I was hoping and praying that someone else would walk into the bathroom and interrupt our little chat, but nothing. I felt that my face was now turning red and would soon go into the chameleon phase, as Deirdre had named it. Whenever I get terribly nervous or I feel extremely unconfortable my face goes through different shades of red. This was cute and amusing when I was kid but now it happens for a completely different reason.

Whenever an attractive guy pays any attention to me, either by talking or making eye contact with me, my hormones go haywire and I get all flustered, I know that it's just a normal nervous reaction. I first noticed that this would happen when I would be playing basketball with Jason and he would give me a compliment or touch me by giving me a pat on the back or ass. My face would at first all rosey and pink and would soon turn into a light crimson and last a deep scarlet red. Jason would just smile and would never make anything of it, to him it was no big deal, but for me it was very embarrassing. So in order to avoid such a shameful incident, I simply smiled at Kyle and waved, bye.

Kyle on the other hand, furrowed his brow and gave me a curious look. I was about to leave the bathroom and I was in such a rush to leave, that I wasn't looking where I was going and slammed my face into something metal that was sticking out of the wall.

Scratched into the paint of a condom-dispensing machine were these words: "Don't buy this gum, it tastes like rubber."

I landed backwards and on my ass, I could swear that I was seeing stars. My vision was blurry and my head was pounding like a jackhammer was trying to pry it open. The next thing I felt were very strong hands picking me up and a deep, sexy and masculine voice, saying.

"Are you allright? That was some hit you took, look at me... are you okay?"

I was looking up at him, but I wasn't looking at his clean-cut and handsome face. Quite on the contrary, I was staring right at his crotch and the huge basket that simply looked obscene.

To be continued!