Preston
Chapter Two
Jamie pulled away from
our kiss and looked at me with the biggest smile on his face. My entire body was warm all over.
This was all new to
me. I had never kissed anyone, male or
female. It felt good kissing Jamie. What did this mean to me? I had enjoyed the kiss of another male. I got an erection from kissing him. Did this mean that I like guys? I was so confused.
I stood up from the
bed and walked over to the one window in the middle of the dorm room.
Jamie looked down at
the floor. "I'm sorry. I moved to fast. I guess you know who it is that I think I
like."
I was even more is
shock now. This person, let alone
another guy whom I had only met a couple of hours ago was telling me that I was
hot and he liked me.
My thoughts began to
race; not knowing what to do or say.
"I've never kissed
anyone." I told him. "I'm sorry."
Jamie's face turned
bright red.
"I feel like the
biggest idiot now. I just assumed that
you were gay. The way you talk, the way
you walk, even the music you like. Greg
thinks you are gay too."
I walked back over to
Jamie's bed and sat down.
"I've never thought of
either sex before. I can watch a movie
see a hot chick and be like wow she's beautiful. I can watch a movie and see a hot guy and be
like wow he's hot. I've never been
around anyone gay. You are my first gay
friend."
Jamie raised his head
up and looked at me. "So you're calling
me your friend?"
"Yeah, why couldn't we
be friends? We have a ton in common and
besides your best friend is my roommate for the next year so we are going to be
seeing a lot of each other."
"Ok?" He smiled at me. "I am so sorry for that kiss."
"It's fine. I just don't know what it means to me." I placed my hand on his knee and squeezed
it. "It's just the way I was
raised. You know who my parents are and
you know how they feel about gays."
"So are you or are you
not gay?" Jamie asked.
"I don't know what I
am. I don't know if I am gay, bisexual,
straight or what."
Jamie nodded his
head. "So can we at least be friends?"
I smiled at him. "Of course, how about we hang out sometime?"
"Yeah, I'd like that."
I got up from his bed
and walked towards the door. "I'll see
ya later. You got my number call or text
me and we will hang out." I grabbed the
doorknob to open the door, but stopped when I thought of something. I turned around and looked at Jamie. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"You know how you told
me that your parents kicked you out right before your seventeenth birthday?"
"Yeah."
"Was it because you
were gay?"
He nodded his
head. I could see tears start to come
from his eyes. Part of me wanted to stay
and comfort him and the other part of me wanted to get out of there so I could
clear my head.
I left Jamie's room,
my thoughts racing a hundred miles an hour.
I headed back to my room. Greg
was not there so I assumed that he was still out with his girlfriend.
I unzipped the front
of my suitcase and pulled out a yellow notebook. This notebook was one of the most important
things to me next to my Bible. It is the
one place where I have always been able to write how I am feeling.
I grabbed a pen and
headed back out the door. I walked around campus until I found a bench under a
nice big shade tree. I sat there and
took out my journal and began to write:
August 19, 2010
So I moved into my dorm today. Everything was going well my sister met me at
my car and helped me get my things up to my room. I met my roommate Greg. We went out to eat
with his best friend Jamie. Everything
was going well. Greg left to go meet his
girlfriend and I went back to Jamie's room with him where he sat and talked for
a minute. He told me about someone he
had just met and had a crush on. I told
him to let the person know how he felt and that is just what he did. He leaned over and kissed me. It was my first kiss ever. It felt good.
I am really confused though because my parents always preached that it
was wrong for two guys to be together, but I kissed a guy. It didn't feel wrong to me. It felt so natural. There is one thing that I know I have to
figure out. Am I gay?
Preston
I closed my journal
and placed the pen inside of it. I sat
there thinking about my life. Thinking
made me open my journal back to the very first entry.
December 7, 2006
Dear journal: This is my first entry. I thought I might want to keep my secret
thoughts down in here so I went to the store and bought you today. Sometimes I think I am weird. All of the other guys my age have girlfriends. I have been asked by several girls to be
their boyfriend and have said no. I don't
know why I said no to them, it just didn't feel right that to go out with
them. I suppose it's because they are a
different religion from me. A new family
started coming to church today. They
have a son about my age I think. He has
light brown hair and hazel eyes that seem like they are the window to his soul. There is something about the new guy that
intrigues me. Maybe I will see him around
church.
Love always,
Preston Roberts
I closed my
journal. I stood up from the bench and
tucked my journal into my belt. I was
going to talk to the one person I could always trust to give me good advice no
matter what the situation; the one person that had been there for me since the
day I was born.
I walked towards my
sister's dorm. I just hoped that she was
home. I guess I probably should have
called first.
When I reached my
sister's door, I knocked and some girl I had never seen opened the door.
"Is Madison here?" I asked.
The girl had shoulder
length dark brown hair and brown eyes.
She was wearing a pair of cut off shorts that didn't leave much to the
imagination.
She turned around,
"Madison there is some hot guy here to see you!"
"Bring him in." I heard my sister reply from inside the room.
The girl at the door
smiled at me. "Come on." She led me inside the room.
I looked around. This was the first time I had been in my
sister's dorm room. Her room was nothing
like mine. Instead of the door opening
into a bedroom like my room and Jamie's did, there was a small sitting are with
a couch a chair and a small refridge.
My sister looked at
her roommate. "Tamara, this hot guy as
you choose to call him is my little brother."
Tamara was looking me
over. It was kind of making me
uncomfortable. I can see she was
undressing me with her eyes.
"You are a little
hottie. I bet you have the girls all
over you."
I ignored her. What did people see in me? Why was everyone always saying that I was
cute and hot? I think I am just an
average looking guy.
"Madison. I need to talk to you. It's very important."
She patted the couch
next to her where she was sitting at watching something on television. "Sit down lil' bro, tell me what's bothering
you."
I looked at Tamara
then at my sister. "Is there any way I
can talk to you alone?"
"Sure." She stood up from the couch. "I am going to take him to my bedroom and
talk to him."
I felt something hit
my butt. I turned around and was face to
face with Tamara. She had the biggest
grin on her face.
"I just wanted to see
if it felt as nice as it looked."
I turned back around
and followed my sister into her bedroom she shared with Tamara. She sat down on her bed.
"Are you ok?" She asked.
"You are acting really weird."
"No!" I exclaimed.
"I'm not ok."
I walked over to the
bed and sat down next to my sister.
"Calm down."
"I don't know what to
do."
"Do about what?"
"I was kissed!" I shrieked.
"And?" She asked.
"I enjoyed it a little
too much."
"Did you have sex
Preston?"
"Oh gosh no." I replied.
"Ok, so you had a
little kiss it's not the end of the world.
People kiss."
"Um, it's not just the
kiss. It's who the kiss was with." I told her.
"Promise not to think
badly of me no matter what?" I asked
her.
She kissed my
forehead. "You are my little bro. There is nothing that you can do or say to
make me think badly of you."
"I don't even know
what the kiss means." I told her.
I knew I should just
tell my sister. She was one of the most
open minded people anyone could know.
She and my parents argued all of the time because her liberal views
clashed with their conservative ones all of the time.
"You can tell me
anything."
"I kissed a guy and I
think I liked it." I whispered.
"And?" She asked.
"I kissed another guy
Madison. Shouldn't I be repulsed by
it? I think I enjoyed it. Greg my new roommate and I went to eat with
his friend Jamie. Greg met up with his
girlfriend Jamie and I went back to his place.
He told me that he had a crush on someone and I told him to let the
person know how he felt. Needless to say
he leaned over and kissed me." I
explained.
"So he kissed you
then?" She asked.
"The first time, I didn't do anything after the first time so
he kissed me again and he stuck his tongue in my mouth and I stuck mine is his
and next thing you know well my penis was trying to pop out of my pants."
"You have never had a
girlfriend before." She looked at me.
I shook my head no.
"Any reason why?"
"I just hadn't found
the right one yet."
"Maybe you haven't
found the right girl yet because you are looking in the wrong place. Maybe it should be the right guy."
I took my journal out
of my belt where I had tucked it. I
opened it to the first page, my very first entry and handed it to her.
"Read this and tell me
what you think."
I watched her as she
intently read my very entry in my journal.
Her facial expression changing each time she read.
She finished and
looked at me. "His eyes are like the
window to his soul? There is something
that intrigues me about him?" She closed
my journal and handed it back to me. "You're
in college now, live a little. Come out
of that bubble you have lived in for the past eighteen years. You are so clueless about things sometimes."
"What do you think I
should do?" I asked her.
"Think of it about as
if it were a science experiment. You can
only learn from your mistakes. Maybe you
are gay. If so I will still love you the
same. I have gay friends and lesbian
friends. Look at Tamara."
"She's a
lesbian!" I exclaimed.
"Yeah, she is." Madison's face lit up. I didn't like that look. I knew something was going through her head. She was thinking of something and I don't
think I would like the outcome of it.
She stood up from her bed. "I'll
be right back."
She left the
bedroom. I sat there on the bed for a
couple of minutes and then she came back with Tamara.
Madison looked at
me. "So I have a solution, Tamara here
is going to kiss you and we are going to see what happens."
"What!" I exclaimed.
"I don't know about that."
"Kissing you isn't
going to do anything for me babe."
Tamara told me. "I like `em with
a little more cleavage than what you got going on." She walked over to me and rubbed my chest."
Madison looked at me. "Remember.
Live a little Preston."
"Fine." I looked at Tamara. "Come on kiss me."
She sat down next to
me, placed a hand on my cheek. "You are
so soft."
I closed my eyes and
waited. I felt her lips touch mine. I could feel her tongue touching my
lips. I opened my mouth and let her
tongue enter.
It felt wet. It felt gross. I could feel her spit mixing with mine. I pulled away from her and pushed her away.
"Enough."
Tamara reached over
and touched my crotch. She looked at Madison
"Nothin."
I pushed her hand
away.
I stood up and looked
at my sister and Tamara. "I really
should go."
I raced out of the
dorm not even bothering to say bye to either one of them. I didn't stop running until I got to the park
bench that I was sitting on earlier. I
sat down, covered my face with my hands and cried.
I cried because I was
confused. There was the part of me that
wanted to do what my body says felt right, date another guy. There was also that part of me that was
raised and had it shoved down my throat that it was completely wrong.
I knew one thing, no
matter what I would have my sister in my corner fighting for me.