Date: Mon, 15 Jan 2001 11:05:51 EST
From: Aterovis@aol.com
Subject: Chapter 19 of Reap the Whirlwind

Hello once again. Here's chapter 19. Two more to go! Vote for my next
project on the website.

http://bleedinghearts.nav.to

Email: Aterovis@aol.com

Chapter 19

	By the time we got to the apartment I had pulled myself together
enough to tell Aidan what had happened. He was as shaken up about the news
of Robbie Meade's death as I had been. He had already received word about
the police visit to Gabe's house; Gabe had called him as soon as they left.

	"Patterson was way out of line," Aidan said. We were sitting on the
couch, Aidan with his arms around me, slowly rocking back and forth. "He
can't know that Robbie died because of us. He should have never said that."

	"He's right," I sniffled, "we're as much to blame for his and
Blake's death as if we'd killed them ourselves."

	"That's insane," he argued, "The killer would have found them
herself eventually. What were we supposed to do, just let her get away with
Joey's death?"

	"At least no one else would have died."

	"You can't know that. We did what we thought was best, and I still
think it was best. If someone is crazy enough to kill once, chances are
they'll kill again. Especially if they got away with it the first time."

	"It's just that this killer always seems to be one step ahead of
us."

	"Or one step behind us. Actually, if anything, she seems to be
right in step with us."

	I sat up and pulled away.

	"What do you mean?" I asked.

	"Think about it. We find out Blake's name, and then next day she's
dead. We find out Robbie's name and the same night he's dead. If you hadn't
called when you did we would have never gotten anything from him. It's
almost like she knows our every move."

	"Do you think we're being watched? We haven't exactly been
discreet."

	"Maybe. Or maybe one of us is talking to someone."

	"I can't believe any of us would be that stupid, but it doesn't
matter anyway."

	"What do you mean?"

	"We're out of it."

"What? We can't just quit!"

"Aidan, we're done, finished. You heard what Patterson said, it's up to the
police now."

	"You're right," he said, running his hand over his face, "I just
wish I could be there when they bring this bitch in. After all she's put
you through..."

	He pulled me into his chest again and I cuddled into him
gratefully.

	"I'm so lucky to have you," I whispered.

- - -

	By some sort of silent mutual agreement, the topic of Joey, his
killer or any of the murders didn't come the rest of the night. We watched
some TV and went to bed early. The next morning though, it seemed Aidan
assumed it was open season again.

	"What happened after Joey attacked you and you ran away?" he said
over breakfast.

	I stared at my bowl of cereal for a second, then pushed it away. I
seemed to have suddenly lost my appetite.

	"Do we have to talk about this now?" I asked plaintively.

	"I'm just trying to settle all the loose ends in my mind."

	I sighed. "I ran downstairs and then I went outside."

	"Right away?"

	"Huh?"

	"You went straight outside after you came downstairs?"

	"No, I got sick so I ran to the bathroom and locked myself
in. Why?"

	"I'm just trying to create a timetable between when you last saw
Joey and Blake and Robbie found him in the pool."

	"We're out of this, remember? It's up to the police now."

	"For my peace of mind, Will. How long were you in the bathroom?"

	"I don't know. I forgot my stopwatch."

	"Five minutes? Ten?"

	"More like fifteen or twenty."

	"That long to blow chunks?"

	"No, once I was in there I didn't want to come out. It was like my
own private sanctuary for a little while. I just sat there and cried until
the pounding on the door became too much. Then I went outside."

	"And Caitlin was there? Under the tree?"

	"Yeah."

	"Ok."

	"Ok? That's it?"

	"Yeah. That's all."

	"Aidan, what's going on? What was that all about?"

	He got up and walked around the table to my side and bent over for
a kiss.

	"Don't worry about it," he said, "I've got to get to school now and
you've got to get to work. I'll see you this evening."

	The next couple days passed without incident. Everyone was shaken
up by the news of Robbie's death and no one was eager to go on playing
detective. It was obvious that we'd been playing out of our league.

	Neither Aidan nor I was in exactly a party-planning mood so we left
all the wedding plans to Adam. We were going to be almost as surprised as
our guests.

	On Wednesday Ilana called and said that the papers were
ready. After talking to Caitlin we made an appointment for the next day to
look over and sign them.

	Caitlin was strangely quiet on the ride over to Ilana's office.

	"Are you ok?" I asked her.

	"Yeah, why?"

	"You just seem kinda distant. You have been ever since you found
out Aidan and I are dating. Does it bother you?"

	"Well, it does make me wonder about how it affects our arrangements
with the baby."

	"It doesn't affect them at all," I said, "We're on our way now to
sign papers that will make everything clear and legally binding. Nothing
has changed."

	"How does Aidan feel about this?"

	"He supports me one-hundred percent."

	"It's just that this baby means more to me than anything else in
the world," she said, "I want what's best for the baby. When I decided to
have it, I vowed that nothing or no one would ever hurt my baby. And that
include you, Will. I'll do whatever it takes to protect my baby."

	"I want what's best for the baby too, Caitlin. That's what this is
all about. I'm not going anywhere and I'm certainly not going to do
anything to hurt it."

	She seemed reassured by my insistence and by the time we arrived at
the office she was in a much better mood.

	The explanation of the papers was long and somewhat boring, filled
with legalese and formal phrases that didn't make much sense. After that,
the actual signing of the papers was surprisingly quick and more than a
little anti-climatic. It seemed hard to believe that simply signing my name
on a few lines could make such a huge difference to so many lives,
including one that was yet to be born.

	I shared my feelings with Caitlin on the elevator ride down.

	"It does seem unreal," she agreed, "If I wasn't starting to show I
almost wouldn't believe any of it."

	"You're starting to show?" I asked in surprise. I hadn't noticed at
all.

	Caitlin proudly pulled her shirt tight across her belly and sure
enough, the beginning of a very slight potbelly could be seen.

	I grinned at her with a slightly giddy feeling.

	"We should do something to celebrate," I said.

	"What? The signing of the papers or me showing?"

	"Both," I laughed.

	We went to a nice Chinese restaurant (Caitlin said she was craving
egg drop soup) and had a celebratory lunch.

	After I dropped her off I found myself driving in the direction of
my parents' home instead of our apartment. They had been on my mind more
and more of late and I found myself wanting to at least make an effort to
include them in my life once again, especially now, when I was about to
become a parent of sort. I could really use the advice. No book, no matter
how many I read, could ever take the place of good solid experience.

	I pulled into the driveway and was surprised to see Dad's car there
in the mid-afternoon. I walked slowly up to the door and stood there a
minute without knocking. Now that I was there I was suddenly less sure of
what exactly I was doing. Was I expecting a warm greeting with open arms?
If so I suspected I was at the wrong address. Just as I was about to turn
and leave the door swung open to reveal my mother.

	"Will?" she said with a confused expression on her care-worn
face. She looked older than the last time I had seen her. "I...I thought I
heard a car pull up."

	"Mom," I said in surprise. I couldn't think of anything to say so
we stood there awkwardly, looking at each other for seemed like an
eternity. Finally I said, "I don't know what I'm doing here. I shouldn't
have come." I turned to leave.

	"Will," she called softly, "come in. Please?"

	I turned to see she was holding the door open. I hesitated just a
second before stepping inside. I hadn't been in the house in months, but
nothing had changed. Everything was right where it always was. Mom started
for the kitchen and I followed her.

	"Where is Dad? Why is his car here?" I asked her as we walked.

	She didn't answer until we were in the kitchen. She sat in one of
the chairs that had been around longer than I had and let out a deep sigh.

	"You're father is sick, Will."

	"What? Sick how?"

	"He had a heart attack, a bad one."

	"When? Why didn't I know?"

	"Last month, right before Thanksgiving. I didn't call because he
didn't want you to know. It's...it's been hard. He's not recovering like he
should be. The doctor's say he needs surgery but his heart isn't strong
enough to withstand the strain right now. So all we can do is watch and
wait."

	"Can I...will he see me?"

	She thought for a moment, "Probably, yes. A lot has changed since
his heart attack. He's changed. Let me go in first and make sure."

	She stood up slowly and walked out of the room. I noticed that she
moved like an old woman, as if every movement was an effort. She wasn't
gone too long before she was back.

	She nodded, "No surprises though, Will. He's weak. And don't be too
shocked when you see him. He probably should be in the hospital but he
insisted and since there wasn't really anything they could do they let him
come home."

	I nodded numbly and followed her upstairs to their bedroom. The
first thing I noticed was how much like a hospital room it looked. Dad was
lying slightly elevated in a hospital bed that must have been brought in
just for him. Machines stood all around him, like malevolent guards. Most
of the room's furnishings had been moved out to make room for all the new
paraphernalia. I put off focusing on Dad until last. If I hadn't known that
it was Dad I would have never recognized him. He was a pale shadow of his
former self, gray and faded.

	"Will, I didn't want you to see me like this," he said weakly.

	"Like what, Dad?" I said lightly, "You look great."

	"No, I look like death warmed over. I won't be here much
longer. I...I'm glad you came."

	"Don't say that Dad," I moved closer to the bed and sat down in the
chair that was there.

	"Why not? It's the truth. I feel it. I see it in the doctor's
faces, although they are scared to say it. I see it in your mother's face,
although she is afraid to even think it. I'm not afraid to die, Will. I've
been preparing for it all my life. I have a peace about death. What I
didn't have a peace about was how I'd left things with you. And here you
are. God brought you to me so I could make my peace with you before I go."

	"Dad, stop talking like this. You're not going anywhere."

	"Son, I know I handled things badly. I know I hurt you."

	"Don't worry about that, I'm ok now."

	"No thanks to me. You almost died; if that had happened I don't
think I could have ever forgiven myself." He took my hand that was lying on
the bed and gripped it tightly.

	I was amazed at the difference that had come over him. Could this
be the same man who had practically disowned me just a few months before?

	"I handled things badly," he went on, "I should have known that
you're my son and above all else, that comes first. I messed up. I thought
with my head instead of my heart. I thought I was doing what was right, as
far as the church was concerned. I never stopped to think about whether or
not it was right for you, for our family."

	"I...I'm still gay you know," I said uncertainly. I wasn't sure if
that was too much or what.

	"I know, Will," he said. His eyes closed and for a second I was
afraid he had passed out or worse. But then they opened again. "I can't say
that I accept it still. I don't understand. Everything I've ever been
taught says one thing and my heart says another. I don't know if I will
ever be able to accept it, but I love you and that's all I can offer right
now."

	"It's enough, Dad," I said around a lump in my throat.

	"I'm a bit tired now," he said. And he did look even worse than he
had when I'd come in, if that were possible.

	"I'll let you rest," I said softly.

	"Will you be here when I wake up?" he asked feebly.

	"Yes," I promised.

	I turned to find Mom crying, slumped against the doorway. She shook
her head, signally me not to speak, and walked back to the kitchen. I
followed.

	"That's what he's been waiting for," she said once we were there,
"He'll go now."

	"What do you mean?"

	"He's been hanging on, I wasn't sure why. Now I know."

	"For me?"

	"Yes, he needed to know you forgave him."

	"I'm getting married tomorrow, Mom," I blurted out suddenly.

	"You're what? To who?"

	"To Aidan."

	She pulled out a chair and sat down heavily.

	"I don't expect you to be happy," I said quickly, "I just wanted
you to know. It seemed like you should know."

	"Don't tell your father."

	"I won't. I wasn't."

	"Married? How?"

	"Well, it's not a legal wedding. It's just a commitment ceremony
between Aidan and I. I don't even know all the details. A friend of ours is
doing all the planning. We're just showing up.

	"When is it?"

	"Tomorrow night at 6. And there's more."

	"More?" she repeated in a voice that made me wonder if she could
handle more.

	"This is complicated. I'm going to be raising a baby. Legally I'm
the baby's father now."

	She stared at me dumbstruck for several minutes before she spoke.

	"How in the world...? I thought you were gay. You're marrying a
boy. Where'd the baby come from?"

	"It's not really mine. The baby is Joey's."

	"But Joey's dead and you just said you were the father."

	"Caitlin got pregnant before Joey died. Caitlin is the mother. And
I said I'm the legal father, not the biological father. We signed papers."

	"What? Why would you do something like that?"

	"Joey was my best friend, Mom. I loved him. This baby is all I have
left of him. And this baby deserved a father. I wanted to do this. I can't
explain it. It's just something I knew I had to do."

	"I don't understand."

	"I'm not asking you to understand. I just...I'm going to need some
help, some advice. And you're the person I respect the most when it comes
to raising a child."

	Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks as she buried her head in her
hands.

	"I need to call Aidan, let him know where I am," I said as I walked
over to the phone.

	"I'm going to go check on your father," she said as she fled from
the room.

	I dialed our number and was relieved when Aidan answered on the
second ring.

	"Hey, the papers are all signed," I told him.

	"Good. Where are you? I expected you back a long time ago."

"I'm at Mom and Dad's."

"You're where?" he asked in disbelief.

	"At my parents. I know. It was a whim. I don't know why I did it. I
just ended up here somehow. Dad had a heart attack last month, a bad
one. They don't know how he's lived this long. Mom said it was just because
he wanted to see me again, but he was too stubborn to make the first
move. Aidan...it was like he was a different man."

	"Did you tell him about you and me?"

	"No, but I told Mom."

	"How'd she take it?"

	"I'm not sure. She was kind of stunned I think. My news about the
baby kind of took precedence though."

	"Geez, Will, you really know how to dump it on someone don't you?"

	"It just kept coming out. I think I'll stay here awhile. I'm sure
she'll have a lot of questions once it all sinks in."

	"Ok. If you need me, call me."

	"I will. I love you, Aidan."

	"I love you too, Will."

	I hung up just as Mom came flying back into the kitchen.

	"I can't wake your father. Call 911."

	I snatched the phone back up without even thinking and dialed 911.

	"Is he alive?" I asked as the operator answered on the other end.

	"Yes, I think so," Mom said sounding slightly hysterical. I
couldn't blame her.

	"Hello?" the 911 operator said for the second time.

	"Yes, we need an ambulance. My father had a heart attack last month
and now we can't get him to wake up."

	"Give me your name and address, sir," the operator said.

	I gave her the information and answered some more questions. She
had me stay on the line while we waited for the ambulance. Mom went back to
stay with Dad.

	The next half hour was a blur. The ambulance arrived and soon the
house seemed full of technicians as they ran back and forth between my
Dad's bedside and the truck. They ended up taking him to the hospital. I
called Aidan and drove Mom there. Aidan was waiting for us when we
arrived. After that, things settled into a long, tedious wait.

	After some time had passed a doctor came out to tell us that Dad
had slipped into a coma and they didn't really expect him to come out of
it. It could be hours, it could be days, but it was just a matter of time
now. He gave Mom a sedative and sent us home.

	Aidan and I stayed with her until my aunt, Asher's mom, arrived to
spend the night. Aidan and I drove our separate cars back home where I
collapsed into a fitful sleep filled with nightmares about Joey, Blake,
Robbie and my father, all dead, and all demanding something of me that I
felt I couldn't give.