Date: Fri, 9 Dec 2022 21:40:14 +0000 (UTC) From: Alex Century Subject: Takeoffs and Landings: Jared and Matt's Story Part 2 Chapter 7 Jared When I walked out the door that morning I was in shock. I was numb. I had to go to work and go about my day but I was just going through the motions. There were so many thoughts that were just flying through my mind that I couldn't get to quiet down. What if they've seen him drunk? What if one of them got into his alcohol? What if something happened to one of them and he was too drunk to do anything about it? What if he cheated on me? Do I need to get tested? If I leave him should I let him keep seeing the boys? Should I try to push him into rehab or AA? I went through the preflight briefing with the first officer and the flight attendants in the crew room like a robot, as it was something I'd done a million times before. When we headed to the plane I couldn't take my eyes off the ground. Emotionally I felt like someone had taken a baseball bat to my head. How did I not know sooner? How was I so blindsided by this? But then it all started to make sense. He would drink massive amounts of alcohol when we were in college. Every time we went out for dinner he would have something alcoholic. There would be alcohol around the house but I never saw him drinking it when I was home. I just never paid any attention to it because I never thought to, after all he didn't drink when I was around. As I settled into the cockpit to start building my nest as we say in pilots' lingo the first officer went outside to do the walk around. Now that I finally had some time to myself I made the first important decision on how to deal with this. I was going to take the boys and stay at my parents' house for a while. I had to tell them in advance but I didn't want to have the conversation because it was too new and too raw. It had to happen though. I had to protect my boys, I couldn't let this continue any longer. The first officer flew the first leg to Atlanta which meant that I handled the radio and checklists. His name was Jeff and he was a middle-aged man with a bald spot and a mustache. I was glad that I wasn't flying that first leg, but I was going to have to bring us back to Seattle. The entire time I was sitting there thinking that I should have called in. Everything went off as usual from pushback to taxi to takeoff and once we got in the air Jeff asked me the question I was hoping I wouldn't get. "Are you okay? You seem like you're preoccupied with something." I shook my head and put my hand against my face. "I was hoping you wouldn't ask me that," I replied. "Is your wife cheating on you?" I scoffed with disgust and shot him a scowl. "If you must know I found out my husband is an alcoholic." That killed the mood for the rest of the trip. Once we arrived in Atlanta I tried to find a private spot where I could call my parents. I knew I was going to cry and I didn't want everyone there to see. By the time we got there it was after 11:00 AM on the west coast so I knew my parents would be awake. I was tempted to wait just a few more minutes before making the call because this was going to shatter their world, just like mine had been a few hours before. I wanted to give them the gift of just a few more minutes of blissful ignorance. But I couldn't. I was hurting and I needed my parents now more than ever. "Hey Jared," my mom answered. "Mom," I said with pain in my voice. Usually in times like these I tend to just dump whatever is on my mind in the first sentence after she picks up but this time I stopped in my tracks. My vocal cords just refused to work. "Jared are you okay?" I could hear the fear rising in her voice. "I'm okay yes. It's Matt. He's been drinking when I'm gone," I explained with urgency in my voice. I heard her gasp. "I think he's been drunk around the boys." "No!" "Yes. I found a half-empty bottle of vodka in the toilet tank this morning. I'm in Atlanta right now but I'm going to confront him when I get home." "What are you going to do?" "I wanted to know if I could take the boys and stay with you and Dad for a while." "Of course honey. I'm so sorry Jared, I can't believe this," she said as she broke down into tears. "What's wrong?" I heard my dad ask in the background. "Talk to Jared," she said as she handed the phone to him. "Hello?" "Dad," I began before I had to pause again. "Are the boys okay?" he asked sounding horrified. "Yeah they're fine. It's Matt. He's been drinking while I've been gone and I think he's been drunk around the boys. We're going to come stay with you guys for a while if that's okay." "Oh my god," he whispered and I could tell that he was putting his hand on his forehead like he always does in situations like this. It took a lot of effort not to physically come after him when I got in the door that evening. It's a 45 minute drive home from the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport and by the time I got into my car I had gone from shocked to devastated to seething with rage. I didn't want to hurt him but I spent the entire car ride home trying to figure out what would be the most impactful thing to say to him. If I started screaming then I'd wake the boys up and scare them. I needed to get them through this with as little trauma as possible. When I pulled into the driveway the uncertainty of what was to come next washed over me like a wave. I had no idea what the future held in the short term or the long term. I put my hands on the steering wheel and prayed to God asking if what I was doing was the right thing. I heard a clear answer back: "Falling is the first step in learning to fly." I left my suitcase in the back of the car and just headed to the front door to unlock it. I stepped inside and right there on the couch was Matt. His eyes were bloodshot. I knew he was drunk. I closed the door behind me and stood there just glaring at him. Any little piece of denial that I could have clung to had just evaporated. Our boys were asleep in their beds and he was drunk. I'd caught him red-handed. That was when I mustered up the strength to deliver the three words I'd decided to confront him with. As I said them the feeling in my soul felt like the sound of a judge's gavel. I'm sure he felt it too. It marked the end of the charade, the end of the lies and deception. The end of what our relationship had been like up until this point. "Matt, I know." He came clean and admitted it high made me feel so much better in the moment. But then I had to tell him what was going to happen. I was going to get the boys packed and we were leaving and I didn't know when or even if we were going to be back. He cried on the couch and I tried to console him because it was breaking my heart. I knew then that I did have it in me to forgive him if he got sober but that was a very big if and I couldn't bring myself to think that far ahead at that moment. But that was when I had to had to make another request of him that ripped both of our hearts out. "Matt I need you to go into our bedroom because I don't want the boys to see you intoxicated again." As soon as he was out of sight I went into their rooms and woke them up. We started to pack their clothes and they made sure to grab their backpacks so they'd be ready for school in the morning. "Where are we going," Danny asked me as he let out a big yawn. It was 10:00 at night, well past their bedtimes. "To Grandma and Grandpa's house," I replied. "Are Danny and Nate coming?" Jack asked as I explained to him what was going on. "Yeah they are," I explained as I ruffled his hair. I tried my absolute best to make it seem like this wasn't as big a deal as it really was. I knew that if I gave them any inclination as to how bad the situation was they would be traumatized by it and we'd have to fill them in on details much earlier than when they'd be ready. That's why I resisted the temptation to let my fury fly at Matt when I walked in the door. "What about Matt?" asked Nate. There was the gut punch I knew was coming. "He's sick, he has to stay home." I wasn't lying but I wasn't telling the whole truth either. I got them into the car and our bags loaded and I went back in briefly to say goodbye to Matt. I hadn't seen him ugly crying like that since the day his grandmother died right after we first met. I told him that I loved him and that if he got sober that we might be able to work things out. That's when I walked out the door and I felt like my world was just crumbling around me. It's a 20 minute drive from our house to my parents' and it felt like the entire world was just blowing by me during that time. When we got there my mom was waiting to bring us inside. She put the boys to bed while my dad sat down next to me on the couch. He later told me that the look on my face when I walked in the door was unforgettable. Exasperated was the word he used. By this time my anger was turning into deep, deep sadness. He was my partner, the person I loved more than anyone or anything else on this earth and he had wounded me in a way I never ever thought I would have to experience. "I don't want to go through this," I said through tears to my dad as he put his arm around me to console me. "I know the feeling," he replied. "I wish I could change it." "Daddy why are you crying?" I heard Jack's voice coming from the corner of the room. "Jack go back to bed," I snapped before my mom went to get him. "What's wrong?" he asked again as my mom took him back to his room. "It's just some adult things," I heard her explain. A couple minutes later she came back into the living room and sat down on the couch on my other side. "Can we stay here for a while? I know that's a big ask," I said cringing knowing that it had the possibility of being a big burden. I didn't want to kick Matt out on the street but I also knew that leaving him alone in that huge house was going to be a pretty big punishment in and of itself. I couldn't imagine how eerie the silence must have been. "You guys are welcome to stay here for as long as you need. Your father and I have plenty of experience with raising three boys," she replied and we all laughed. I needed the humor to break the pain for just a moment. "How did it go when you got home," my dad asked. "I just told him that I knew and he admitted to it. He tried to apologize but I wouldn't let him. I told him that we're separated for now and that I was taking the boys. I told him that he has to get sober and start going to AA meetings if he wants to earn his way back into our lives. I made it clear to him that if he drinks even one more drop that we're done and that he'll never see them ever again." My dad let out a sigh. "Jared remember that conversation we had right after Brady died about how I had always thought you'd make the best father out of the three? This is why." "I'm just praying that he gets sober and follows through. I didn't want this to happen. I don't want to split up and I don't want him out of their lives," I managed before I lost it. I started bawling and my mom held me. "Jared you don't have to worry about that just yet. We just have to take this one day at a time." As the next few days went on the boys got more and more sullen. They kept asking where Matt was and when he was going to be back. "When can we go home?" Nate asked me at dinner. "I don't know yet," I replied. "Where's Matt? I want to play catch with him," Danny chimed in. "He's sick, we can't be around him just yet." I died a little every time I said that to him. "He has to be better by now!" Danny protested. "I miss my own bed," Jack said more calmly. "I know you do and I do too," I replied. "Just think of this as a vacation." "I want to go home!" Danny yelled as he threw his fork on the ground. He stormed off to his room in tears and my mom went after him and I broke down crying. I had to get away from this situation and Jack followed me into my room. "Daddy what's wrong?" "Matt's really sick and that's why we can't be around him right now. It's just as hard for me as it is for you guys. I want to be home too." "So when will he be better?" "I don't know. But for the next little bit we're going to have to stay here." "Can I sleep with you tonight?" He asked me in his sweet voice and my heart melted. "Absolutely," I said with a smile. I ended up with all three of them in my bed that night and it was a tight squeeze but it was a memory I wouldn't trade for anything. The next week and a half was the most heart-wrenching of my entire life. Every night they would ask if they could see Matt. Every night I had to tell them no. Every night Jack and Nate would cry while Danny would have a screaming meltdown. It was only getting worse and worse and I knew that this was going to have a lasting effect on them, especially when they got old enough to learn the truth. This was when the anger and rage at Matt started to come back. But that was how I knew that I needed to check on him and see how he was doing. After we finally got the boys calmed down and in bed on day 9 my parents and I sat down and had a meeting. I really did feel that if Matt was staying sober that it was safe to start reintroducing him into their lives. It was an excruciating decision but we were pretty sure that things were only going to get worse if we didn't. We also decided that we should get a therapist who could work with all of us to get us through this. I called him and he said that he'd been going to meetings. He told me that he had a sponsor and called someone every time he wanted a drink. I wasn't sure whether or not to believe him since all addicts lie but I decided to give him a chance. The next day I had him come over after work and when he arrived I stepped outside to smell his breath before I let him in. I could tell that he was kind of humiliated by that but I wasn't taking any chances. Sure enough he really was sober. "You ready?" I asked. "I feel kind of awkward being here. I still feel really ashamed." I was blown away by his honesty. I wanted to say "You should be" but I didn't. "Matt there's no hate for you. You have a disease that has to be treated and you're getting the help you need. The kids need you and I really do want you in their lives. So as long as you stay sober we're going to keep working toward that goal." "Thanks," he said with a shy smile. With that I opened the door and I will never forget the look on Nate's face when he saw us come inside. "Daddy!" he shouted as he came running and nearly knocked Matt flat on his ass. Danny and Jack came running so fast and they all had their arms wrapped around him at once. It was so heartwarming and I had to try not to cry. My mom made dinner and we all hung out together. It was hard to be mad at him while we were together but then it came time for Matt to leave and the hurt came rushing back. "Does this mean we're going home?" Nate asked as Matt hugged the kids goodbye. "Not yet. We're staying here for a while but Matt has to go home," I explained. "Shit! Fuck!" Danny shouted in his five-year-old voice. "Danny!" Matt scolded but there was no stopping him. He pulled his shirt off and threw it on the ground in anger and started screaming. "It's not fair that Matt gets to go home and we don't! He doesn't look sick! He has to be better by now if he's coming to visit!" "He'll be back tomorrow honey," my mom said as she crouched down to his level. Matt was coming over every day after work and staying all day on the weekends. It was hard not to get my hopes up because we still hadn't talked about us, we were just doing visitation with the kids. But that weekend it was time to have the serious conversation I'd so desperately needed to have since the day I found his stash. I had a lot of questions and no answers yet and that not-knowing was eating away at me inside like I'd swallowed drain cleaner. On Saturday morning I drove over to the house and knocked on the door. Matt let me in and we embraced in a long, tight hug. I had so many emotions all puréed together but the strongest one that I felt was fear. Fear of the unknown. I had hope and I wanted to be gentle but I also meant business. We sat down on the couch and I leaned forward with my hands clasped in front of me. I took a deep breath and let out the first thing I needed to say. "Matt I think we're both scared of this conversation but there's something you need to know before we go any further. The second I think you're lying to me I'm going to walk out that door and you'll never see me again. Am I clear?" "Yes," he said sounding shocked. "Okay. We both need to be 100% honest with each other if we're going to get through this. There can't be any secrets. Is it okay if I ask you some questions?" "Yeah," he replied. "I need to know if you've ever cheated on me." "What? No!" he shouted with disgust in his voice. I could tell by the way that he reacted and by the look on his face that he was genuinely taken aback by that question. The fact that he didn't see it coming said to me that he was telling the truth. "Have you ever driven drunk with the boys in the car?" "No. I've never driven drunk period. That's why I was so isolated, I stayed home and drank because I couldn't drive. That's why I haven't had any friends since we moved to California." I sighed as I began to process what he was telling me. "When did this start?" I asked with the pain in my voice evident. I was afraid of asking this question because I felt like he was going to blame it all on me. "I had my first drink when I was 12. There was this kid that I would have sleepovers with and his dad was an alcoholic. We would get into his dad's liquor, we'd drink every time I was over, and I've been abusing alcohol ever since. I drank in high school at parties and with friends, I had friends' older siblings buy it for me, I was drunk through all of undergrad. I slowed down when we got together but then as life got more stressful I turned to my old friend John Barleycorn." "What does that mean?" I asked. "AA slang for alcohol," he explained. "Oh," I replied. "When I was alone all the time I would get drunk to cope. I really underestimated what being a parent was like and I started drinking to take the edge off and..." his voice trailed off and he started to cry. "I didn't realize how much damage I was doing to the kids or how out of control I was becoming. I thought I was functioning since I could hold down a job and I only drank at home." I let out a deep sigh. "Why didn't you say something? Why didn't you ask for help?" "Because I knew you'd leave me," he replied. As hurtful as that was to hear I knew he was being honest because that was an incredibly selfish way of thinking. "I was in a lot of denial and I probably still am." "Do you have any idea what this has been like for me?" "Probably really painful," he said quietly as he stared at his feet. "I'm devastated," I said before I paused to search for the next adjective. "Mortified. Appalled. I'd heard people talk about the term mama bear or papa bear but I'd never really known what they meant until now. You dropped a nuclear bomb on our marriage. I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to fully trust you ever again. I mean it would have been easier if you'd had an affair." I will never forget the look on his face when I said that last sentence. "You see how the kids react when you can't stay. They cry every day because we can't be at home together like a normal family. They love you and they miss you. And god damn it I wish I could find a way to explain to them why we have to be apart right now but even then it wouldn't be good enough. You've created so much destruction around you. And not only that but you put them in danger every time you were alone with them. What if one of them had gotten sick or hurt himself and needed to go to the hospital and you were too drunk to drive them?" "I would have called an ambulance," he said probably without thinking that response through first. "And they would have called social services because their parent showed up at the hospital drunk and the state would have taken them away from both of us. You should be on your knees thanking God that nothing like that happened because this was actually the most ideal way for this situation to come to light," I explained in my serious voice. The look of shame on his face was clear. He was finally starting to get it. "I know you're just starting this process but you are still in denial about a lot of this. I'm glad you're in AA and I think that you can get better but it's going to take time. You have a lot of work to do on yourself and we have a lot of work to do on us. My parents and I are going to be seeing a therapist and we're hoping that he'll work with the boys as well. I think that marriage counseling might be a good idea for the two of us and that you should start therapy for your own issues too," I said as he stared at me wide-eyed. "But in the meantime my parents and I have agreed that you should keep seeing the boys. We want you to come over after your meeting every day. Same rules apply though, one drop and we're done forever. Understood?" "Yes." he said with gratitude in his voice. I could tell that he was truly grateful to still even have a chance. The next month it started to get easier. The boys began to adjust especially now that they were seeing Matt every day. The weekends were fun. One Saturday we took the boys bowling and Matt and I even played a couple games together. We'd started feeling more comfortable around each other and before long it started feeling like we were first dating again. I felt my trust in him building with each passing day and I was definitely liking sober Matt. He was happier and so much more vivacious. He was devoting a lot more energy and attention to the boys as well. As we watched them getting the hang of the bowling mechanics I slid my hand into Matt's. He looked at me kind of surprised and I flashed him a smile. Our old chemistry was coming back and I soon realized that I was falling in love all over again. That night Matt and I stayed up late watching TV after my parents and the boys had gone to bed and we had laughed like idiots at the late-night comedians. Finally after a show ended he stood up and said "I should probably get going, there's a lot of temptation being out this late." I wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do but my heart said it was right and I wanted to go for it. The tension had been building and I wanted to see where it went. "Before you go do you want to come upstairs?" He flashed me that damn mischievous smile and it was over. I took him by the hand up to my bedroom and closed and locked the door behind us. I put my forearms on his shoulders and clasped my hands around the back of his neck as we came together for a kiss. He slid his hands under my shirt and ran them over my stomach before slipping one down into my underwear. My boner sprang up harder than it had in a long time and I reached down and unzipped his pants. "Are we really going to do this?" he asked. "Does it look like I'm in any mood to back out?" I asked sarcastically and he laughed. "We need to be quiet," I added. He finished getting me naked and after his own clothes were off he paused for a second to just look at me. It had been more than a month and while Matt is usually pretty aggressive when I let him take the lead, this time he was slow and sensual, taking his time and savoring the moment. He started at the soles of my feet and climbed his way up to my head, running his hands over every part of me. He teased my cock by running his tongue on the underside of my shaft and I moaned. He hadn't forgotten his skills. I stayed passive through most of it because emotionally that's what I needed. It was pure and cathartic and loving, so wonderful and warm. I reached under my pillow for my bottle of lube and gave it to him. I raised my legs in the air and he got into position. He leaned forward and kissed me some more before he slid inside me. It took all the air out of my lungs as he pushed forward and started thrusting. "Oh my god," I let out as my body lit up like a Christmas tree. I don't know how long we did it for but it felt like forever and I didn't want it to end. So when I saw that look on his face and I knew he was about to cum I tried to savor the moment as he erupted inside me. He lowered himself down into my arms and I held him for a moment as he caught his breath. "Holy shit, holy shit, oh my god..." he carried on as he gathered himself. "That was amazing," I whispered in his ear. "Do you want a turn?" he asked as he rolled over onto his back. "Actually I want to cuddle for a while and then I want you to fuck me again," I replied. I rolled over away from him so he could big spoon me and I was in heaven. I knew I was right where I belonged. "Jared I'm so sorry," he said through tears. I rolled back over to face him. "Hey, let's not talk about that now. Let's just enjoy this moment." "I love you and miss you so much. I never want to be apart from you ever again. I promise you I'm going to keep getting healthier and stay dedicated to my recovery." "If you keep doing that I have a feeling it's going to be okay," I replied. I kissed him again and once he got hard we stayed in the spooning position and he pushed inside me for round two. I couldn't help myself as I moaned louder and louder as we went on and on, my heart beating so fast I thought it was going to beat out of my chest. It was another eternity before he came again with a passionate moan and once he gathered himself he rolled me onto my back and sucked me to completion. It didn't take long but as I finished inside his mouth I could envision fireworks in my mind with each pulse. "I should probably get going," Matt said as he started to sit up in bed. "Don't," I instructed. "You sleep right here next to me tonight. I don't want you anywhere else." I'll never forget the smile on his face as he laid back down. "Thanks Jared," he said as he rolled back over to cuddle with me. We both woke up at around 6:45 AM, before anyone else did and all the little intimate things I know about Matt came back to me. His obnoxious loud yawn, the smell of his morning breath, the bags under his eyes when he first gets out of bed. Those small but precious details I'd taken for granted all those years that I had allowed myself to forget about in the time that we were apart. I slid my hand into his and interlaced our fingers as we left the bedroom. We cracked the bedroom doors to take a look at our boys still fast asleep as the sun started to peek in through the windows. We scoured the cupboards and dug through the freezer and decided to make pancakes and sausage for everyone. I was glad my parents had bought such a big house that had a massive kitchen with room to spread out. We had a lot of work to do to feed 7 people. One by one the boys came downstairs with their noses leading them into the kitchen. Nate was the first one downstairs and Matt picked him up and spun him around when he came up to him for a hug. Matt knew exactly how to melt my heart and he did it every single chance he got. "You better go find the remote before your brothers wake up and decide what to watch for you," he said ruffling his black hair. He may have been adopted but Nate looked like a mini Matt and I loved that about him. I don't know how the genetics worked out that he ended up with black hair and Jack with blonde but it was so heartwarming. My heart leaped at the sound of his bare feet running off to the living room to turn on Nickelodeon. Just as Matt was scooping the last pancake off the griddle and onto the plate my parents came downstairs and they were both smiling pretty proudly. "Morning boys," my mom started. "You two must have had a good night," she said slyly. Matt hadn't planned on staying the night so he was standing in the kitchen in his undershirt and boxers. It was a warmer-than-usual early April day and we took the boys to the park. He played catch with Danny like he always did and I held Jack up so he could do the monkey bars. When it was time for Matt to leave the boys didn't cry or get upset. They each hugged him and we put them to bed. Once they were asleep my parents and I sat down for a chat in the living room. I needed to let them know where I was and to get their input. "I think that we might be ready to come home," I began. My parents nodded with a look on their faces that said they were listening intently and understanding of what I was saying but that they weren't sure they agreed. "Jared is that your head or your heart talking?" my dad asked. "Is that what you truly believe or is that what you truly want to believe?" "Dad I'm not saying that I want to just go back to everything being the way it was before. I just think that we might be ready for the next step in the transition period. We both want to work it out and stay together." "Yeah you made that pretty evident last night," my dad said and I turned as red as a tomato. "Tom that was rude and uncalled for," my mom interjected shooting him her you'd-better-behave before she turned back to me. "Jared this has nothing to do with your sex life. It's about the boys. I mean if you leave him alone with them after barely a month of sobriety he's going to go right back to drinking." "Maybe there's a way we can ease him into it. I mean instead of living here, would you be willing to hang out with them at our house?" They both sighed uncomfortably. "I've actually enjoyed having them here all the time. Part of me doesn't want them to leave," my dad explained. "I think it's a good idea but it has the potential to..." her voice trailed off. "It has the potential to become a burden." "So what, do you want him to live here all the time?" "It might not be a bad idea for a little while," my dad said while my mom sighed. "So Matt and I would be paying a mortgage on a house nobody's living in," I replied. "Besides the boys desperately want to go home." "I guess one side is going to have to give," my dad said accepting the reality of the situation. "Let's do a trial run. How about this weekend we stay at our house. You and I can take the boys flying and we'll see how it goes being back there," I proposed to my dad. "I think that's a good start," my mom said. "Let's start there." That following weekend we all piled into Matt's Aspen because it had enough room for us all and headed over to our house. It was so nice being back in my own home, my safe place. I headed to the basement to get the key to the garage and the plane out of my gun safe. We headed back outside and I opened the garage door. "Hello old friend," I jokingly said as I put my hand on the side of my plane. It had been a little while since I'd flown it and I was really looking forward to this since this was how Matt and I spent one of our first dates. I had taught Matt how to copilot a long time ago so I had him up front with me and my parents sat in the back with the boys. I had plotted a route that would take us around Mount Rainer and back to land at the airport we lived by. It took about an hour and 20 minutes to complete and I had a lot of things going through my head as I made our final approach into the Shady Acres Airport. After we were on the ground we taxied back to our house (which was something I still to this day can't appreciate the convenience of enough) and headed back inside. I'd been taking the boys flying since we first adopted them but I don't think they really appreciated it that much until that day. I wished I'd had a camera when I saw the smiles on their faces as we pulled into the driveway. It was so heartwarming and bittersweet at the same time to be back in my home. Our home. That night after we put the boys to bed my parents and I sat down for another talk. I wasn't sure what they were going to say but they had definitely noticed the change in the boys. "I think you were right," my mom began. "They were so happy to be home." "So are we in agreement?" I asked. My dad nodded and I sighed with relief. I went and got Matt and brought him down to the living room. "So we've come up with a plan and we want your input," I began. He looked at me with an ambivalent look. He wasn't sure if this was good news or bad news. "The boys and I are going to come back home but my parents are going to be here with you four until I get home from work every day." "Jared I," was all he could manage before he broke down. Until that day I had never seen someone ugly cry tears of joy. I moved over to him and embraced him and he soaked my shoulder. "Thank you," he finally managed. I leaned back and looked right into those brown eyes. "Matt I love you. The boys love you. Please stay sober. For us. For yourself. As long as you're sober we'll be together," I whispered holding his hands. *** Hey everyone, thanks for reading! Send me your feedback at AlexCenturyErotica@yahoo.com or feel free to just chat. I appreciate all my readers and I always write back. I'm doing as best I can right now and grief is a weird thing. But it also felt really good to get through this chapter as quickly as I did. Stay tuned for more!