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~ PART
NINETEEN ~
`Okay then, so does
somebody here want to bring me up to speed and tell me what the hell
happened and just how the hell I got here, `cause I'm feeling a bit left
out of the loop at the moment? And you better start at the beginning
please... I mean, like, from the very beginning, like from school, seeing as
some of us apparently go back that far,' Ben demanded. We had all gathered in the
visitors' room just down the corridor from the ward they had moved Ben
into after he had woken up and seemed to be over the worst of his ordeal. It was a sunny room, quite
bright and airy with its large windows, painted yellow walls and modern
artwork. It looked out over the hospital gardens where we could see people
sitting on benches or wandering around, and where gardeners tended rose beds
that would soon be blooming with the impending arrival of spring. Over the week or so since
Ben had woken up the doctor had told us that he was suffering from what he
had called Retrograde Amnesia, adding that it was common where brain
injuries occurred. What he couldn't tell us was how long it may last, and
so that was why our little gathering was taking place, just in case it might
help jog a few of Ben's brain cells back into place. Ben and Sam were sitting
on a lounge at one end of the room, while Ben's parents sat in comfy seats
along one wall. Most of the remainder of our little group, including his
doctor, sat in hard plastic seats that had been brought in especially for
this little conference. It was the doctor's idea, getting us all together
like this, in the hope that by taking Ben through his past it might help jog
some memories, as so far very little had come back to him, apart from a few
images of stormy skies and rough seas and a mountainous island covered in
dark green vegetation and half hidden by cloud. There had been some
excitement when he told the medical staff about these, but in the few days
since then there had been nothing more worth getting excited about. At Ben's demand of
wanting to know everything it seemed all eyes turned my way, which I assume
was because I was the one with whom, apart from his parents, our
relationship went back the furthest. I wasn't surprised by this at all, in
fact I had even prepared myself for it, having called home to my own parents
and asked them to Express Post down my old photo albums, school year books
and school photos. I decided that I would
start with the school year books, carefully marking the pages featuring Ben
and our class from school by sticking yellow post-it notes to the relevant
pages and hanging them out off the pages to make it easier to flick through
them. I had very much enjoyed the exercise of going back through the books
after they had arrived, the class photographs and various reports on school
excursions and other activities bringing a smile to my lips on more than one
occasion. Even Sam and Guy had gotten a kick out of them as well. Getting up from my seat I
walked over to where Ben and Sam were sitting and handed them my school year
books, then pulled up a chair so that I was sitting beside Ben. The cover of the year book
always featured the same old tired sketch of the school gates and the school
sign which stood beside them, although each year the cover sketch would be
printed in a different colour, dark blue one year, red the next, then green,
or brown. Pretty boring and unimaginative I know, but then again so was the
school really. We had arranged the pile
of year books in chronological order, with the oldest on top, descending
down to the last one from Year 12. Taking the year book from the top of the
pile Samantha opened it at the first marked page. It was the group photo of
our Year 7 class, all smiles and in our best uniforms. As usual Ben was
being a smart arse and had two fingers sticking up behind the head of the
person in the row in front of him, which was Sally Rafferty that year. It
was something that became a tradition with Ben and each year there was
always another hapless victim. We were all watching him,
hoping that there would be some glimmer of recognition at something,
anything, on these pages, but as we flicked through it there was nothing.
Sometimes he would pause for a moment and study something, then look at me
or Samantha or his parents, as if some memory may be forming in his brain,
but every time it was the same and nothing would come from it. We all watched as one by
one he and Sam worked through the books. Occasionally he would stop and
study something for a while. Occasionally he would even hold something up
for us to see and ask us about it, but each time he came up empty and would
shake his head or his face would be contorted with a frown. Then he came to our Year
11 year book. That was a memorable year
for us all, for apart from it being Samantha's last year at school it was
also the year that we staged the school musical that we were all involved
with, and the year that both Ben and I had fallen in love with the people
with whom we now shared our lives. When he opened the centre
spread of that book and saw the collage of photos from the musical he looked
long at hard at it, before then glancing up at me. I swear I saw something
jump behind those eyes of his. `What is it?' I asked
him. He looked up at me with a
curious expression on his face, then turned and looked at Samantha. `I think I remember
that,' he said to us. `You do?' came the
chorus from the stands, which almost seemed loud enough to blow him off his
chair. `What can you remember,
Ben?' the doctor asked him. `This,' he said, while
turning the book around and holding it up toward the others. `Can you remember
anything specific?' the doctor asked. He put the book back on
his lap and stared at the open pages for a moment, his head cocked to one
side but shaking from side to side just slightly. I think we all thought
that it was going to be another let down. `I was looking out at
the crowd,' he finally said. `I wasn't on the stage. I was at the
side. Samantha was on the stage. And Tim as well.' He stopped then and looked
from me to Guy and back again. `What?' I asked him. `Why did I have to get
Guy to stand in just the right spot for you at the end of it?' he asked.
`You made me promise I'd have him there.' Suddenly I could feel the
heat rising in my cheeks, and looking across at Guy I could see he was
having the same problem as well. We both remembered that night well. That didn't matter
though. All that mattered now was that Ben was on the way back, and thanks
to the reaction of everyone else in the room, Ben now knew that too. *
* *
* * In the week that followed
Ben was still able to recall only bits and pieces of his past... our past.
It was obvious to everyone that there were still massive blanks there, but
no matter what we tried we couldn't seem to jog those memories loose. He was becoming frustrated
at not being able to remember things. Sometimes he would start to tell us
something, but then he would stop, his mind having gone blank, yet again. We
could see the frustration and anger that was building within him, and once
when I called in to visit I even found him crying. I sat on the edge of his
bed and put a hand on his bare shoulder. It was awkward. I knew nothing
about comforting people or being a shoulder for them to cry on. At that very
moment though, it was all that I could think of to do. `I just can't handle
this,' he said to me quietly, between sobs. `You guys all know me better
than I know myself. I have no fucking idea who I am, apart from what
you've all told me. I know you all love me and I know you all care, but
this is just... it's just...' `It's a nightmare,'
I answered for him. `Yeah. I real live
twenty-four hour a day seven day a week nightmare.' `Mate, I'm really not
sure what I should be saying here, but what I can tell you, is that I know
it will get better.' `How can you possibly
know that?' `Law of averages,' I
replied, trying to lighten things up a little. `The Doc says that the
biggest percentage of people do make a full recovery, so I figure you're
bound to be in that group.' `And what about the rest
of them? What happens to them?' `Total nutters,' I
answered, which at least brought the beginnings of a smile. We hadn't quite returned
to our old relationship of being best mates, I guess that could take a while
to happen - if it ever happened at all - but there was something that had
developed between us in the days since Ben had been admitted to hospital,
and it was something positive. It was hard to describe, but you could feel
it nonetheless, and that was what gave me some hope at least about my mate
making a full recovery. Cye arrived a short time
after that, looking rather uncomfortable and something like a fish out of
water, but it was good that he had called around to look in on Ben every few
days since the accident. They would sit and talk about this, that, and any
old thing, or on a few occasions had even sat in the sunny visitors room and
played checkers (Cye preferred that to chess for some reason). I think Ben
enjoyed talking to someone else, other than Sam or his parents, or me, so I
left them to it. One thing that had
surprised me a little was that Justin, who he had worked with on the boat,
hadn't called around to see him, even though his partner, Scott, had paid
a few visits. I couldn't say if there was anything that we should read
into that, but I just found it a little odd, that was all. As I was leaving the ward
I saw Samantha and Ben's parents talking to his doctor at the nursing
station, so I stopped to say hello. They were talking about going back to
the old home town when I left them, which was something else the good doctor
had suggested may be worthwhile, to see if spending some time back in the
environment in which he had grown up might be a good idea for him. It would be strange not
having him around I thought, as I drove on home, but if it helped Ben, well
then really it was a no-brainer. Of course they should take him home. That night as I lay in bed
beside Guy, as an unusually warm breeze for August came drifting in through
our open window and caressed our bodies, I was telling him about what the
doctor had suggested. `Makes sense I
suppose,' he remarked. `Sure would be quiet around here without the two
of them though, wouldn't it?' `Like a morgue,' I
answered. `Probably be for the
best though.' `Yeah. I know.' `You'll miss him being
around.' `Yeah.' He pulled me in close to
him and wrapped his arms around me. `He'll be OK,' Guy
whispered into the darkness. `It will get better.' `That's exactly what I
told him today,' I replied. As I watched shadows dance across the wall and
felt the rise and fall of Guy's body against mine, I just wished that I
could know that for certain. *
* *
* * It didn't take long for
them all to make a decision. The following morning Ben was allowed to leave
hospital and was brought home to our little cottage near the sea so that he
and Samantha could pack some belongings. We were all there to greet
them when they arrived, and when Ben stepped out of the car and looked
around him we held our collective breath, in the hope that he would
recognise the place, but once again we were all to be disappointed. `This is all kind of
surreal,' Ben said quietly as Sam led him into the bedroom they shared.
`It's like I'm stepping into another person's life or something.' I hated seeing him like
this. The Ben I knew and had grown up with was so full of sass, so full of
life. This Ben, even though we would sometimes see glimpses of his old self,
was like a man moving in slow motion. The spark and animation were gone, and
in their place was nothing but uncertainty. Even the interaction
between he and Samantha was stilted. He was trying, we could all see that,
but it was clearly more difficult for him than any of us had imagined. If we
had been thinking that when he came out of hospital they would simply slip
back into their old lives and live happily-ever-after then we were sadly
mistaken. And while we were all
concerned for Ben, we could also see that it wasn't that easy for Sam
either. Every day she would go to the hospital and sit with Ben, talking to
him, trying to help him as best she could, and every day she would come home
feeling drained, each day that little bit worse then the one before it. On more than just a few
occasions we heard her crying herself to sleep and each time we asked if she
were OK, or offered some assistance, she would politely say that she was
fine. We knew better of course, but this was one chick with an inner
strength that was amazing us all, and if there was one person who could help
Ben through this, then it was our Samantha. After the bags were packed
and stacked by the back door we all had a quick bite to eat for lunch, then
helped pack the car. Ben's parents had been staying at a motel, despite
our offer to let them bunk down with us, so it was only his and Samantha's
bags to pack into the car before they were ready to head back up the
mountain to the city that we all still called home. When this was done we
stood around talking for a few minutes before Ben's father looked at his
watch and said enough was enough and if they didn't hit the road soon they
would be driving straight back up the mountain into the sun. Ben came to me first and
formally thrust out his hand for me to shake. I took it then pulled him to
me, hugging him close. `Take care of yourself
mate,' I said to him. `I'll call, just to make sure you're behaving
yourself, and we'll try and get up there soon to see you.' `Thanks. Thanks for
everything you've done for me,' he answered, hugging me back. `What are friends
for?' I replied. `And if you remember anything, let me know, eh?' He managed a smile, but
his face was still clouded with uncertainty. Sam came and hugged both
Guy and me, thanked us and said she wanted to see us soon. We promised her
that she would. Then it was Matt and
Luke's turn. They had kind of been staying in the background lately, but
they had still been supportive nonetheless and Ben and Sam were appreciative
of that. `All right then you
lot,' said Ben's father. `You know how I hate long goodbyes.' We all laughed, with even
Ben managing a chuckle, as they started to climb into the car. Soon the car doors were
closed and the vehicle was started, then before we knew it they were driving
away from us, bouncing down our driveway with Ben and Sam in the back seat,
looking out the rear window at us and waving goodbye. Matt and Luke disappeared
inside as we stayed there and watched their vehicle trundle on down the
narrow track from the house to the main Thompsonville road, before turning
onto the main drag and eventually disappearing from view. `Seems quieter
already,' Guy said to me as we watched them go. `Sure does,' I
replied. `So. What now then?' `I suppose things can
get back to normal now. No more hospital visits. There's work to catch up
on. All the mundane stuff I guess.' `It doesn't have to be
all mundane does it?' he said, while slipping his arm around my waist and
giving me a wink. `There's a lot that we have to catch up on.' `No Guy, you're right.
I know that these past few weeks haven't exactly been a bed of roses, for
any of us, but somehow I have a feeling that all that is about to change.' *
* *
* * Things did indeed get back
to normal after Ben and Samantha left us, or at least as close to normal as
possible anyhow. For Luke and Guy and me we all settled back into university
life, having all missed a few days here and there while Ben was in hospital.
There wasn't anything that we missed that we couldn't catch up on, so
with a bit of work we all managed to get back up to speed quite quickly. Those that were affected
the most, following what most of us now called The Big Bang (so named
because that was the noise that apparently emanated from the boats engine
when it blew up), were Cye and Matt and Justin, who all now found themselves
out of work. For Cye the early
retirement was self inflicted, after apparently deciding that he had finally
had enough of the fishing game and then putting The Wanderer up for sale
once the engine had been repaired, but for Matt and Justin it meant that
their working careers in the fishing industry were rather short lived. They
did spend some time helping Cye clean up the old tub and make her somewhat
presentable once more, and in the process even managed to score a few shifts
on some of the other boats in the local fleet. These were few and far
between however and despite the boys regular visits to the wharves to see if
there was anything on offer more often than not they came up empty handed. Justin and Matt seemed to
become much closer, as mates do, and most afternoons you could find them
visiting the local pub. There was no question of anything physical or
romantic happening between them, it was just that they were two similar
souls who had shared the same experiences and were now caught up in
circumstances that were beyond their control. There was no bitterness at
having lost their jobs, in fact they both still regularly called around to
visit Cye in the little houseboat that he lived in on the far side of the
lake, they were just getting on with their lives as best they could. Over the next month or so
we all kept in constant contact with Ben and Samantha, but unfortunately
there was little progress to report. Even when Ben met up with some of our
other friends from school he didn't recognise them, which only sent him,
once more, into the depths of depression. Whenever we spoke to either him or
Sam we could hear the strain in both their voices. It certainly wasn't
easy watching either of them go through this, but we all knew... or was it
that we just truly hoped... that they would come out the other side of this
in one piece and we would soon have the old Ben back once more. Then, just when it seemed
that it couldn't get any worse that is exactly what happened. The strain
that we all knew was there between them became too much and one night when I
called to see how things were going he told me that Samantha had left and
gone back to her parents place. `You're kidding me?
Right?' I asked him. `No.' `What happened? What did
you do?' `Fucking hell! Why is it
that everyone just assumes it was something I did?' he snapped. `Mate, sorry. I didn't
mean...' There was silence from the
other end. `No Tim. I'm sorry. I
just wish I knew what the problem was. I know that it can't have been easy
for her, but... well, it hasn't exactly been easy for me either...' `Yeah. We all know
that.' `I'm not sure what she
expected of me... I mean I can barely even remember anything that happened
before the accident, so how am I expected to know anything about her and me
from back then?' `Did she say anything
about coming back?' `She said she just
needed some space... some time to figure some things out and stuff, I
guess.' `And how do you feel
about that?' I asked him. `So, what next then?' `I'm going to meet her
tomorrow. I guess we'll see what happens after that I suppose.' `All right then. I'll
call you again tomorrow night then.' `Yeah, all right. And
Tim...' `Yeah?' `Thanks, mate. Thanks
for everything.' `That's OK Ben. What
are best friends for?' After I disconnected I
told Guy and the others what had happened and as expected they were quite
surprised, or perhaps I should say that shocked might be a better word for
it. Almost immediately Luke said he would ring Sam and talk to her and
headed off to his and Matt's room to find his phone. `Man, I can't imagine
what they are going through right now,' Matt remarked. `I'd be feeling
totally lost I reckon.' `Yeah, that's pretty
much exactly how Ben is feeling right now,' I answered. When I called him twenty
four hours later Ben was feeling a lot better about things. I could almost
sense the excitement in his voice, so I figured that things must have gone
well today. `So, how did things go
today? Did you see Sam?' I asked him. `Mate, things couldn't
have been better,' he replied, his voice almost trembling with excitement. `Well... are you going
to tell me?' `Well, we met up down
town and were walking down the mall, just talking.' `That's a start I
suppose.' `Then we passed that
little café about half way along and for some reason all of a sudden I felt
like getting a milk shake.' I remembered the place
well. And they always made the best milk shakes in town. Ben's favourite
flavour was Cherry Ripe. `What flavour did you
order?' I asked. `Cherry Ripe, of
course.' `Go on,' I urged,
laughing. `Well, we were sitting
there at the tables outside just talking and drinking our shakes, and things
were going good, then I looked up and saw this guy walking toward us.' `And?' `Well... for some reason
the first thing that came into my head was... `I bet Tim would fancy
that'...' For a moment I was stunned
to silence, trying to figure out why he would say something like that, then
all of a sudden it dawned on me. `You remembered that?'
I gasped.
EDited by Ed |
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