Date: Sat, 11 Mar 2006 02:45:11 EST
From: Grassisb@aol.com
Subject: Travelin' Thru ~ Chapter 4

As always, if you're not supposed to be here, please leave. In other words,
if men kissing, fucking, or doing anything remotely sexual offends,
disgusts, or angers you then you should get out of here. This story
includes sex between two men. But it is at heart, a love story. Plenty of
sap, romance, and professions of love. So be warned. This work is
copyrighted and may not be used without explicit permission from the
author.

Thank you to everyone has sent notes and comments. They are greatly
appreciated. Keep em' coming.

Comments, suggestions, complaints are all much appreciated and welcomed at
grassisb@aol.com.

Some comments about the last chapter...

It seemed to elicit a, how shall I say it, divisive reaction from
readers. I'll say this.  Going into it, I realized that people might not
take too well to it. I, myself, was not exactly ecstatic over the way I
introduced Hank and Simon. But they needed to be brought into the story
somehow and I just thought, what the hell. Why not bring em in with a bang?
:) Their story is far from over though and anything left unresolved was
left that way intentionally. They will play a prominent part in the coming
chapters and more light will be shed on their situation.

The main question that readers have asked is "How can you forgive and fall
in love with someone who has raped you?" I'm not sure that there is a right
or wrong answer to that question.  As this story is mostly fiction, I've
never been in a situation like that. And I hope to God none of you have
either.

But "Travelin' Thru" has been, and will continue to be, about
redemption. As Dolly's song says, "God made me for a reason, and nothing is
in vain, redemption comes in many shapes with many kinds of pain. Oh sweet
Jesus if you're listenin', keep me ever close to you. As I'm stumblin,'
tumblin,' wonderin,' as I'm travelin' thru."

Nevertheless, I thank everyone for e-mailing me with comments, good or bad,
suggestions, etc.  Keep em coming. It's the only way I know if I'm doing a
good job. (Or if I'm not.)

Enjoy, Anthony

"The Seeker" - Dolly Parton

~~~~~~~~~~

>From last time...

"Okay. I'll see ya in the morning."

I looked at him. "Pete. I'm..."

He stopped me. "Lukie. It's alright. Go to bed. We'll talk tomorrow." He
kissed my cheek. "I love you."

I smiled. "Love you too. G'night Pete."

"Night."

I made a pitstop at the bathroom and then finally made it to my room. I
plopped down on my bed and yawned. I closed my eyes and thought about my
plans tomorrow. I had a lot to do. Alan was first on my list. At the
thought of his name, my heart did a small flutter. What a day, I thought.

Tomorrow would be better.

~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Four - The Seeker

~~~~~~~~~~

Did you ever have just a perfect night's sleep? You know the kind. Where
you wake up and you just feel... well refreshed I guess? Maybe I shouldn't
have felt that way waking up this morning.  But I did. For some reason,
some god forsaken reason, I felt good for a change. I didn't wake up
thinking, "Fuck, another day!"

Maybe that meant something, maybe it didn't. Who knows? What I did know,
though, was that today I was gonna relish in the fact that I was happy one
morning and hopefully, maybe, a few mornings to come.

I finally opened my eyes to face the day.

"Where the fuck were you all night?"

Okay. So that was not exactly the way I wanted to start my day.

I sat up. "Listen Em..."

"No. You listen. I was so worried about you. You didn't call me. Didn't
answer my calls. Where were you?" She was sitting on the edge of my bed. "I
was worried." She said a little softer.

I lifted the covers and smiled. "Crawl in."

A brief smile flashed across her face before she remembered that she was
mad at me and suddenly the bitch face came back. Nevertheless, she kicked
off her shoes and crawled in next to me.

"I talked to Alan." She said.

"Oh." I said cautiously.

"He said you just left. He wouldn't tell me why. He just told me you left."

I breathed easier. In another situation, Emma would be the first person I'd
have told. But not having worked things out with Alan yet, I didn't really
want to count my chickens before they hatched.

I shrugged. "The movie fucked me up."

She looked skeptical. "That was it?"

I smiled. "I guess it just... I don't know. It just made me wanna be
alone."

She cocked her hide to the side. "Why don't I believe you?"

I laughed. "I have no idea. Because you know I never lie."

"Says you." She smacked my arm.

"Ow. What the fuck was that for?" I asked a little irritated.

"That..." She said accentuated the word dramatically. "... was for scaring
the living daylights out of me last night."

I looked up at her. "I'm sorry." I said softly. And I did mean it. I just
couldn't help the fact that I was a psychopath.

She smiled. "You're forgiven." She cuddled up to me. "But... you gotta buy
me breakfast."

I groaned. "There goes my life savings."

I got a harder slap for that comment.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Why do you look so anxious today?"

I was broken from my thoughts by my friend Lee.

"Huh." I asked lamely. "What do you mean?"

He smiled as he sat down in the seat next to me. "You look anxious. Like
you're waiting for someone." Something clicked in his head. "Oh... the
hottie."

"What?" I asked annoyed.

"The hottie from the other day." He mused. "You're waiting for him."

Just then, the professor made his entrance and began the lecture
immediately.

I spent most of my time, though, daydreaming. Where was he? He was probably
furious with me.  Maybe he went back to Will. If he did, then what the fuck
would I do? I'd spend my life pining after someone who was with someone
else. Well, I suppose that wasn't exactly different from what I'd been
doing before.

"Maybe he's sick or something." Lee whispered to me assurringly.

I guess my disappointment at the fact that he hadn't showed up was pretty
clear.

I shrugged it off. "Yeah whatever."

He smiled. "You've got it bad."

I sighed. Why deny it? "I guess so."

He laughed quietly. "You guess so?"

I smiled. "Okay I know I do." It felt kinda nice actually admitting, at
least in a roundabout way, that I did have feelings for Alan, whatever they
may be.

Lee smiled genuinely. "Well I'm glad. It's about time you got over that
sack of shit Will." He leaned over. "I'm happy for ya."

I smiled. "Thanks."

~~~~~~~~~~

"Hello. This is Simon." Came the voice over the phone.

I smiled. "Simon. It's..."

"Luke, my darling." He said in an exaggerated Tallulah Bankhead
impersonation. "How did things go?"

I sighed. "Well they didn't really go yet. I haven't been able to find
Alan." I shook the nervous feeling I had. "Everything will be fine
though. I just gotta find him first."

I could hear the smile in his voice. "Good. I take it this call is to say
you're accepting our offer."

I smiled. "How could I not?"

He laughed. "Exactly."

"I've got a few ideas that I've been thinking about. I wanted to see if
maybe I could come in and run them by you and Hank." Truth is, next to
Alan, I was really excited over this new job prospect. I loved singing. I
never thought that I was particularly that good at it, but I did know that
I could carry a tune.

"That's fabulous." Simon shrieked. "Come today. Hank's doing some repairs
and I'm just sitting
 around, looking pretty with absolutely nothing to do." I heard Hank
grumble something in the background.

I laughed. "I'll bring my guitar then."

"Okay, you bring your guitar." He said making fun of the my pronunciation
of the word. I always said it as if it were spelled gitar. It amused the
hell out of people.

I smiled and glanced down at my watch. "I can be there in an hour or so."

"Wonderful." He said something in the background. "Hey. Hank says that he
needs to run some errands. He wants to know if you want a ride."

"That'd be great. It's not out of the way is it?" I didn't want him to make
a special trip for me.  Then I realized something. "I won't have my guitar
then." I made sure I pronounced it the right way this time.

He laughed again. "I'm sure we have one lying around. And no, it isn't a
big deal. Where are you now?"

"At school."

"And that would be where?"

I smiled. "Oh. University of Miss..."

Simon shrieked again, interrupting me.  "You're an Ole Miss boy. Get out of
here. So am I."

"I didn't know that."

He laughed. "Well now I like ya even more." He shushed someone in the
background, presumably Hank. "Okay. Hank says to be ready in half an
hour. That alright?"

"Perfect." I smiled. "See you then."

"You betcha."

I hung up the phone and smiled for probably the hundredth time that day. It
was odd. I was happy and yet I really hadn't accomplished anything yet. I
still hadn't found Alan. I guess I could only hope that he would still talk
to me.

I walked out of the building and into the fresh air. People were scattered
around the lawn doing a little bit of everything. I figured that it would
be easier to sit out here and wait for Hank. Plus the weather was
absolutely perfect. I found an empty bench and plopped down, placing my bag
next to me. I thought about the new job offer and if I'd really be able to
do it.

I did have some ideas. I knew that I wanted to do some Dolly songs. I grew
up listening to her because my father absolutely adored her. He always said
that even if she weren't pretty or voluptuous, she'd still make it big
because of that voice. I suppose some of his fascination did come from her
body. Hell I'm sure every man in the world, gay or straight, has looked at
Dolly Parton's body and just been... awed.

He also used to tell me and Pete that she reminded him of our mother. I
wish I could say that I knew if she did or she didn't. Pete did. And he
agreed. Whenever I got scared at night when we were little, I'd crawl into
his bed and he'd tell me stories about her. She was the best biscuit maker
in the whole world. And her favorite color was pink. And she always wore
Chanel Number Five. She thought it was classy. My father would buy her a
bottle every Christmas.

I smiled at the thought of the man who I admired more than any other in the
whole entire world.  He was such a good man. A gentle man. Pete took after
him quite a bit. They have the same demeanor. The same
expressions. Sometimes he'll be talking to me and I'll just have a
flashback or something and it's like my father is sitting there with me.

"There you are."

I looked up to find a smiling Hank standing over me.

"That was quick." I said, glancing at my watch.

"I figured I'd just take you along with me to run the errands. You don't
mind?" He asked.

"Not at all."

"Were you daydreaming before?"

I smiled. "Just thinking about some things."

He looked around. "You talk to him yet?"

I sighed. "Not yet. I haven't been able to find him yet. He... he wasn't in
class."

A strange look appeared on his face though it disappeared
quickly. "Oh. Well I'm sure that everything is okay."

I think that that was the moment when I finally figured out that maybe
everything was not as peachy keen as I thought it might have been.

Hank must have sensed it. He plopped down next to me. "Hey."

I looked up at him.

He smiled at me. "It'll be okay. It really will." He shook his head. "Maybe
he just didn't feel like coming in today. Maybe he didn't want to face you
yet."

I guess that could have been true. I nodded hesitantly. "Yeah. I guess. I
just shouldn't have left him there like that. It wasn't right."

"You did what you had to." Hank looked at me seriously. "You can't change
the past. I know that from personal experience. But there are ways to make
it better." He smiled warmly. "I know that from personal experience as
well." He stood up. "Come on. We'll get some lunch, run the errands, and
then we'll go back to the club and Simon can solve all your problems."

I smiled. I'd only known both Hank and Simon a very short time and already
I couldn't believe how much I'd come to depend on them and how much they
seemed to like me.

I stood up. "Let's go."

~~~~~~~~~~

"You have any idea what kind of material you want to include?"

We were sitting at the counter of the diner waiting for the take out Hank
had ordered. He looked at the waiter. "Please make sure the turkey sandwich
does not have mayo. It'll be my head if it does."

The waitress smiled. "Sure thing."

Hank looked at me. "Sorry but if Simon finds mayonnaise on his sandwich, I
won't hear the end of it." A smile passed across his face. It just so
happened that everytime he said the name Simon, a smile passed his face.

"My father said that that was a sign of love." I meant to say that to
myself but I just seemed to blurt it out.

"Huh?" He asked me confused.

I blushed. "I mean... everytime you say his name... Simon's name... you
smile. My dad used to say it meant you were in love."

Now it was Hank's turn to blush. "Guess it's true."

I smiled sadly. "Must be nice."

"It is." He looked me directly in the face. "It'll happen to you one day
you know."

"I know." I sighed. "And I also know that I sound like a whiner." He went
to interrupt me. I held my hand up. "I just... I was always a romantic
person. And I knew that if I found that perfect person who I knew was the
one. I knew that I would dedicate my life to them. I knew that I would love
them unconditionally with no hesitation... no regrets." I smiled
shyly. "Sorry for getting all sappy on ya."

Hank ruffled my hair. "You... are so much like Simon that it's scary." He
looked at me seriously. "Love comes when it comes." He said
bluntly. "But..." he smiled. "... I think you found yours."

I laughed bitterly. "And ruined it."

Hank shook his head. "Not necessarily kiddo." He stood up. "I gotta stop at
the bank and make a deposit. You mind taking this stuff and waiting in the
car?" He tossed me the keys. He must have sensed my surprise though. "What?
I trust ya?" He said smiling. "I'll be right back."

I shook my head and yawned. I really needed to start sleeping better. I
turned to the waiter.  "Could you keep an eye on these for like two
minutes?"

She smiled again. "Sure thing hon."

I smiled back and made my way to the bathroom. I took care of my business,
washed my hands and looked into the mirror. I looked like absolute shit. I
splashed some cold water on my face.

"Well if it isn't Jesus Christ himself?" Came a voice behind me. A voice I
really didn't want to hear today.

I turned around. I really didn't need this. "Could we not do this
today. I'm just not..."

Will laughed. "Not what? In the mood." He cupped his crotch. "You were
always in the mood before."

I shook my head. "You're a pig."

I walked past him and opened the door.

"Heard you shot Alan down."

Suddenly my ears perked up and I let the door close. "What?"

He smiled evilly. "I just heard some things. He came running to me. I had
to..." He shook his head back and forth. "...console him."

"You're a liar." I said cooly. Truth is, I didn't know if he was or he
wasn't. But I couldn't, wouldn't believe that Alan would go running to
him. Not after everything.

He smiled. "I consoled him really well."

Something inside of me just snapped I guess. In two seconds I had him
pinned against the wall.

"What gives you the right? What gives you the fucking right?"

He was surprised. Hell I was surprised too. Will was always the "man" of
our relationship and I always just seemed to take a backseat to him.

"The right to what?" He asked uncomfortably. "I... I don't know what you're
talking about."

I smiled. "Good. I got your attention."

He smirked. "Get the fuck off of me you f..."

"Fag." I laughed again. "You're seriously going to call me a fag?" I
finally let go of him. "I guess all those times you sucked my cock. All the
times you begged me to feed it to you. Or the times that you practically
drooled over eating out my ass." I stepped back. "I guess... that that
doesn't make you a fag."

He tried to walk past me. "Fuck off loser."

I stopped him, surprising him and myself yet again. "That was the problem."
I mused.

"What?" He was confused. Not too shocking.

"I always thought I was the loser with you. I always thought that I was the
inferior one. You're better looking. You've got the better body. Guys hit
on you more than they did on me." I stepped back again. "I did a lot of
thinking last night. Probably more thinking than you've done in a
lifetime." He shot me a look. "You know what though? I realized
something. You might get the guys. And you might have those gorgeous
looks. But the thing you don't have, the one thing that you lack..."

He stopped me. "I really don't have time for this. I gotta go now."

"I forgive you." I said as he opened the door again.

He stopped and turned to look at me. "What?"

"I forgive you for what you did. And I walk away from you now with no
regrets. I loved you. It sounds stupid now considering all that we went
through. But I did and I was new at it. I wanted it so bad." I stepped up
to him so that our faces were practically touching. "But I don't anymore.
You're out of my life and that's the end of it. No more drama. No more
crying. I'm done with it all."

He looked at me with no emotion. "I don't need your forgiveness."

"No. You don't. But I needed to give it." I shook my head. "All this time,
I've been sad.  Depressed. Because of you. So..." I said with a
shrug. "... I need to forgive you, whether or not you want it. I need to."

"Well that's just fine and dandy then isn't it?" He said looking me in the
eyes. "That makes you feel better?" He turned around and walked toward the
exit.  He opened the door. And then quietly I heard. "Nothing
happened. He's... he's too into you." He turned to look at me. "What do I
lack?"

"The ability to love."

He nodded sadly and stepped out.

I sighed, dramatically of course. I expected to cry, to break down, to act
like the drama queen I was. But there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not
even any regret.

But I needed to get to Alan. I realized that I'd been acting a bit lax
about the situation all day and I really needed to talk to him and
straighten things out.

The door opened and Hank stuck his head in. "Everything alright."

"Yeah." I said a bit hesitantly. "I think it is."

He smiled. "Good."

"You think we could make a quick detour though?"

~~~~~~~~~~

"This is kinda like stalking." Hank said quietly.

"I'm gonna go in. I just need to get my courage up. That's all."

We were sitting in front of Alan's apartment complex. I needed to see him,
to talk to him, to tell him how I felt.

"Well go in then." Hank said giving me a push. "No day like today." He said
smiling.

I sighed. "I guess."

"Did something happen back at the diner? Did you..."

"I just needed to get something off my chest." I said. "Sort of put the
wheels in motion."

Hank smiled. "You're okay though?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I actually am." I looked towards the complex again. "I
just... I need to do this."

"Then do it." Hank said bluntly. I looked at him pleadingly. "I ain't gonna
coddle you like Simon. I'm a bit more to the point." He laughed out
loud. "As memory serves me right, the quote goes, either tinkle or get off
the pot."

I took a deep long sigh. "Alright. I'm gonna do it."

I got out of the car and just stood there.

"Do I have to walk you to the door." Hank yelled out the window.

I walked to the building and found the apartment that I was looking
for. 2A. I knocked quietly.  After about two minutes of getting no answer,
I knocked again. Still no answer.

Fuck! Where was he?

"Alan." I said loudly. "You in there? Please open the door. I... I wanted
to apologize." Still no answer. I sighed and turned to walk away. And then
I turned around. I really didn't know if he was there or not. But if he
was, I was gonna make him sure of one thing.

I said it softly, but loud enough for him to hear if he was there.

"I love you Alan."

~~~~~~~~~~

"It'll be fine." Simon was sitting across from me. He poured me another
shot.

I grinned. "You trying to take advantage of me." Not that I was drunk. I'd
only had two. And being a good ole Southern boy, I could certainly hold my
fair share of alcohol.

He laughed and motioned to Hank who was changing light bulbs. "I've got
more man than I can handle."

I laughed. "Thanks Simon. I... I needed this."

He got up and ruffled my hair. "No big deal kiddo." He looked at me
seriously. "It'll work out. I know it will." He pulled me up. "Now. You
promised me some songs. I wanna hear em."

I sighed. "I'm not in any kind of singing mood right now."

Simon shook his head. "No, no, no. You don't get out of it that
easily. You're sad. So sing me some sad songs."

I smiled. "Alright." I said grudgingly. "But I don't have..."

Hank appeared behind me. "Ta da." He said a little over
enthusiastically. Very not like him.

I looked at the brand new guitar he was holding. "What's this?"

"This..." Simon said handing it to me. "... is yours. A "Congrats on your
new job" gift from us."  He said beaming.

"I can't accept this." I said handing it back to him.

Hank wouldn't take it. "Yes you can." He smiled. "It comes with the job
anyway."

I cradled the guitar in my arms. "Guys I can't... I don't even know how to
thank you for this."

Simon smiled. "Play us a song."

I rolled my eyes.

Hank just laughed. "You better do it. He won't give up."

"Okay, okay." I sat back. "This one is an oldie."

I closed my eyes and started to play. I was amazed at how much better this
one sounded than the raggedy old one I had at home. And then I sang,

I am a seeker, A poor sinful creature, There is no weaker than I am, I am a
seeker, And you are a teacher, You are a reacher so reached down, Reach out
and lead me, Guide me and keep me, In the shelter of your care each day,

'Cause I am a seeker, And you are a keeper, You are a leader, Won't you
show me the way, I am a vessel that's empty and useless, I am a bad seed
that fell by the way, I am a loser that wants to be a winner, And you are
my last hope, Don't turn me away,

And you are a mountain, >From which there flows a fountain, So let it's
water wash my sins away, 'Cause I am a seeker, And you are a keeper, You
are the leader, Won't you show me the way, You are a teacher, Won't you
teach me the way.

I finished the song and smiled. "That's all she wrote."

Simon clapped. "Damn your good." He pulled me into bear hug. "You got some
ear for music."

I blushed. "Thanks. I wasn't thinking of using that one but it's one of my
favorites for when I'm depressed." I smiled shyly. "Sorta helps me wallow
in my own self pity."

Hank laughed. "Well it was good nonetheless." He slapped me on the
back. "You look exhausted."

"I'm kinda tired." I said. "I'm just gonna walk home."

"Walk home?" Simon asked incredulously.

I laughed. "Yeah. Walk home. I could use the exercise and it really is a
beautiful night out."

Simon was about to protest but Hank stepped in. "If you're sure."

I nodded. "Thanks." I threw on my coat and grabbed my bag. "I can't even
begin to thank you guys for... this." I said motioning to the guitar. "And
just for everything."

Hank pulled me into a hug. "I'm not an easy person to know." He said
quietly. "But I know what I like." He pulled back and looked into my
eyes. "And I like you."

"Ditto." Simon chimed in, placing his hands on Hank's shoulders. "Be safe
now."

I smiled. "I will."

I made my way to the door.

"Luke?" Simon said.

I turned around to look at him. "Yeah?"

He smiled at me. "It'll all turn out okay."

~~~~~~~~~~

The walk home wasn't bad. I took the shortcut through the cemetery like I
usually did. Normally, I guess, that would freak some people out. Being in
a cemetery in the dark. And one would think that it would frighten a big
ole sissy queen like me. But it didn't.

I stopped in front of a headstone. I looked at the fresh flowers that had
been planted there. I smiled. Pete must have been here. He usually came
every morning. I sat down on the ground with my knees curled under my legs.

"Hey Dad." I smiled. "I haven't been here in awhile. I don't want you to
think that I forgot about you or anything. I've just..." I sighed. "... I
guess I don't really have an excuse. I just miss you is all." I smiled as a
tear fell down my cheek. "I've been thinking about you so much lately.
Different things." I took a breath. I always tended to get emotional when I
was here. "I met someone Dad. He's handsome and he's smart. He's so kind
and he's just... he's just perfect. I think I love him. No. I know I love
him." I smiled. "I kinda screwed it up a little bit but I think that it'll
be okay. I hope it will. I'm gonna try my hardest to fix it. I need to fix
it."

I ran my fingers through my hair and dried my face. "I just want you to
know that I love you and I miss you an awful lot." I smiled. "Pete is doing
great. I'm sure when he comes here, he doesn't bog you down with all of his
problems. He's trying his hardest to take your place. He can't though. No
one ever could. But he's doing a really good job trying. And I'm not
driving him crazy. I promised you I wouldn't."

I stood up and brushed off my backside. "I'm gonna get going but I do love
you Daddy." I blew a kiss upwards and smiled. "I always will."

~~~~~~~~~~

I got home about ten minutes later. Fuck it had been a long day. Pete and
Meg were in the kitchen talking. I walked in.

"Hello there stranger." Meg said smiling.

I walked over and gave her a peck on the cheek. "Hello yourself. How's my
favorite sister in law to be?"

She laughed. "The charming Jones' brother." She said looking at Pete.

"Hey, I'm charming." My brother pouted.

Meg laughed. "Uh... yeah. When you wanna get in my pants."

I covered my ears. "I am not supposed to be hearing this."

"I forgot, virgin ears." Meg said smiling.

Pete looked up at me. "Everything okay?"

I smiled. "Yeah. I stopped by Daddy's grave. Saw the flowers. That was
nice."

He shrugged. "I picked them up at the last minute."

I smiled. My brother would never admit to having a caring bone in his
body. He had the gruff All-American look and he liked to think that he had
the personality to go with it. But deep down inside, all he was was just a
big old teddy bear.

I looked at Meg. "I saw Will today."

She winced. "Please tell me he didn't..."

I interrupted her. "Nah. He didn't do anything." I fibbed a little. "We
just worked some things out. That's all."

She smiled. "Good."

I stretched. "Well I'm hitting the shower and then I'm going to bed. I'll
see you in the morning."

Pete nodded. "Love ya."

"Love you too." I looked at Meg. "Night."

She smiled. "Night Lukie."

~~~~~~~~~~

I walked into my room with a towel wrapped around my waist. I didn't
realize just how tired I was until I'd gotten under that hot water. It
relaxed the hell out of my muscles and I was my body was ready to fall over
from exhaustion in about three seconds.

I chucked the towel, flopped down on the bed, tangled myself in the sheets
and closed my eyes.

I thought about Alan. He seemed to be in the forefront of my mind the whole
day. I silently cursed myself. I just wished that I'd have been able to
talk to him. To tell him how I really felt. I wondered how he really
felt. If he was angry, which he had a right to be. I wished I knew.

I rolled over onto my side facing the window. A cool breeze blew in and my
eyes fluttered open.

And there, sitting in my desk chair was the man of the hour.

Instead of being all drama queen, though, I decided to play it cool.

"Hey." I said quietly.

He smiled.

That was a good sign. I smiled back.

"You look good naked." He said softly.

"Thanks." I said blushing.

He stood up and paced the floor. "I was mad at you."

I sat up to look at him.

"Don't do that." He half shouted, half whispered.

"Do what?" I asked confusedly.

"Sit up." He said flustered. "You look ho... You look good that way. And I
don't want to lose my train of thought." He smiled. "Close your eyes." He
demanded.

I laid back down and did as I was told.

He continued. "I was so pissed at you last night. For just..." He
sighed. "... leaving me there after telling me that. I went to Will's..."

I heard that and wanted to vomit. I knew that Will had told me nothing
happened but still...

"... I fully intended to sleep with him. I knew he'd run back and told
you. I broke up with him after I saw you running. Let's just say he didn't
take it too well." He laughed. "I wanted to get back at you. But I
couldn't. I went there and I just... I wanted to hurt you so bad." I heard
the smile in his voice. "And then I realized something."

"What?" I asked quietly.

"I realized that you were just as scared as I was. We'd both been with only
one guy before and he... well let's just say he didn't exactly treat us the
best way." I heard him shuffle and what sounded like his shoes hitting the
floor. I heard zippers being unzipped. "Don't you dare open your eyes." He
said again.

"I won't." Although I must admit, I was gettinh terribly excited.

"Good." He sounded playful. He got serious again though. "Then you showed
up at my apartment today and I just... I wanted you so bad. You looked so
gorgeous and then you said..."

"I love you." I said softly.

I felt a shift of the bed and suddenly, Alan, my Alan who I dreamed about
all day, was there, lying on top of me. I opened my eyes to his smiling
face.

"I love you." I said again with even more conviction.

"I know." He said beaming. "I love you too."

"Alan." I said remembering what I'd did to him. "I just... I wanted you to
know I'm..."

He covered my mouth. "Shhh. Just shut up for now and kiss me."

And I did.

~~~~~~~~~~

Well this was a long one. I had fun writing this one.

I just wanna thank everyone for their feedback and e-mails and
suggestions. They've been wonderful and especially helpful.

And no, Dolly didn't win the Oscar but I hope everyone saw her knockout
performance and got to hear the song.

Anyway, the next chapter will be out next week. Thanks again.