Date: Tue, 12 Jul 2011 17:32:01 -0700 (PDT) From: Gene Hemings Subject: Am I Straight Or Gay This is a true story. The year was 1996. I was fifty three years old and had never had sex with a guy except goofing around with one really close school buddy, one month younger than me. He was my best friend when we were 12. We never separated until he joined the Army at 18, yet when he came home we carried on as before. He and his older brother, introduced me to jerking off in 5Th. grade. Jerking off was mostly what we did. We jacked off together until we were 20 years old. We did try sucking each others dicks, when we were about 14 but never really did the true suck. We each did not trust the other to not tell our friends we had sucked the others dick. We put our lips only, on each others cock but went no further. Oh how I wish I could go back on this part of my life, I would suck him to completion anyway. I now believe we would have sucked each other to completion if only one of us lead the way. Our dicks looked like twins, everything exactly the same, size and girth. Eventually our jobs and other interests started to separate us, but we are still friends and talk once in a while as we both live in different states. Back in the mid 70s we both worked about 6 years for the same company. This was when we both were around 35 years old. We were both married by this time with kids. His kids were a few years older. We never talked about our younger days. Looking back I wonder why. If I get the opportunity to discuss things, I'm going to lead our conversation to those old days. Perhaps we could finish what we both had started. But I thought about cocks and nothing else almost all day long every day of my youth and adult life. I was infatuated by a dick wherever or whenever I saw one. Why are we like that? Who knows why it takes so long to admit we are gay and really want a guy instead of covering up our lives with trying to be married and raise kids to keep everyone fooled and off our ass. I too, got married to prove I was not gay. So much for that! It proved nothing! Over 40 years of marriage so far, I'm almost 68 now, and it seems our marriage WILL withstand my encounters. My wife is the greatest person in my life, we still love each other. Still there is no sex between us, she just does not turn me on sexually anymore. But still yet, I need a cock to satisfy my sexual desires. Why are some wives willing to accept our infidelities as mine does. Still she don't let me play around anymore, afraid I'll get AIDs or something else. Still other wives want a divorce? Thank goodness there are choices made by each of us, that resolve things in ways that only a husband and wife can, so they can go on with their lives. I think my situation is the exception. Whatever gets us through the night, I'm told! Of course through the years I was accused of being gay many times by some of my co workers and some recently met acquaintances, but I always denied being BI or Gay. Which seemed to me to stop the talk. I'm sure they thought otherwise, that I was gay, and was only waiting for someone to tell them they knew the truth and had caught me red handed. That could never happen because it had not yet happened for me either. Looking back I know that some how I gave off that gay look or mannerisms. But I for the life of me could not figure what I was doing to out myself in some way. Mostly through the years, I doubt most people knew or cared I was BI or Gay. Or perhaps they liked me well enough to look past what might be on the other side of door number three. Perhaps those that asked me had their own Gay-Dar working and were BI themselves. Yet I was not smart enough to challenge them and see where it could or would lead. Although if these conversations were in the accompaniment of other guys, I would clam up and feign gays were bad. That kind of conversation alone could not happen without divulging I might be gay. Hence I would have been OUTED as they say. And I would try not to engage in talk about gays for fear of being branded as gay myself. I was known by so many people, as a sports star throughout our area, I had to protect myself from them thinking I was gay. I must say this, I never was a gay basher. I tried to mind my own business always. I did dislike the real feminine types. I see no reason for a guy to act so feminine and dainty. I can not stand to be near that type. I became an A.S.M.E. Certified Mechanic, and felt that was proof I was not gay. I thought all mechanics were straight. We use all excuses to keep ourselves free of guilt. Little did I know at that time, at over 50 years of age there are gays in every walk of life. Dumb me! I then finally realized this after 50 years of age, and even after I had male to male sex for my first time. Slow learner I guess. At about this fifty years of age, I found the computer and the Internet. Looking at Internet pictures of cocks seemed to turn me on a lot. That lead to more searching for many kinds of gay things. Thanks to finding the gay chats, I found behind my wife's back, I was introduced to a whole new world and culture. I did not want my wife to know I was BI or leaning towards gay. Yet I somehow think she suspected it all along, even before she caught me, and finally confronting me. She questioned me about was I gay, which I denied, and after she had seen where I had been on the Internet, but I denied it and thought the subject was moot. I found out she was just getting things in order for our showdown at a later date. Wives are like that! On those gay chat sites, I was able to chat honestly about my desire to suck a cock, but was afraid to talk one on one with guys I had met in person that I suspected of being gay. I had no balls to chat one on one in person with a known gay guy for fear someone would see us talking and suspect me of leaning towards gay. I was a true homophobic. I just could not get discovered. Anywhere I went I knew someone there. People seemed to know me, yet I did not know them. I found out by asking them how they knew me. They admitted they had never met me, just knew who I was. That was very scary in my mind. I knew, just one little slip up and my whole world would shatter! I had to keep my secret at all costs! To this day I have not been found out that I know of. I did still like pussy until I sucked my first cock at 53 years old, yet now I don't want anything to do with a pussy. Again, why is that? I had always hoped when I was young to meet someone that was BI like myself, if only he would admit he was bi or gay when we were alone. Oh how much easier my life would have been earlier in my life if I had met another bi or gay guy when I was a teenager. But I was never lucky until the Internet came along. The Internet has changed a lot of lives in this short time it has been around. I finally found a 38 year old, totally gay guy. We were on a gay chat line, and he lived alone about 15 miles away. I hoped the distance would keep anyone from finding out I was gay, as I now knew in my heart I was gay or BI. After meeting my new chat friend it was obvious my new chat friend was gay, just one sentence and his mannerisms told you like a billboard. Still it was not safe going into or out of his home, yet I did. Still I was afraid someone might see me and know me and knew he was gay. Even where he lived I had friends or people that knew me in that area. We agreed that I'd go to his house and see if I really was interested in sucking cock. He knew I was a newbie and had never sucked a dick. After meeting him I was thrilled by his handsome looks and body. He was my height and a lot thinner, great kisser, dark hair, 6in cut cock. We chatted on his downstairs sofa for a while talking about guy sex and of course I was hard right away, which he could see. He asked could we kiss? I said of course. We started kissing and fondling for a few minutes and then he said lets get comfortable upstairs in his bedroom. I was nervous yet ready for this. I was amazed it was so lay-ed back and comfortable to be with him. I was surprised by these feelings of ease. Nothing like I had been dreading. Upstairs we got undressed and lay side by side kissing and feeling each others cocks and then he started kissing my neck and moved to my tits sucking each tit making me horny and excited. He then went down my stomach slowly to my navel as he stuck his tongue in it, it was an awesome feeling. He moved slowly down my abdomen licking and kissing a trail down to my cock. Gently taking my cock in his lips and licking the huge amounts of Pre cum from the head of my dick saying to me it tasted very sweet and good and I make plenty when I'm excited. He put his mouth so gently over my dick it was as if he were afraid of hurting me, but the feelings were so good for a guy to suck my cock. I was in total shock how much better a guy could suck my dick than my wife and a few other girls when I was a young man before marriage. After getting married I never had another woman. He sold me on cock sucking right then and there! I was ready to try this out for myself. I now had to asked him if I could suck his cock. I had no idea how this was going to change my life or if it would. I knew the time was here before me, and that really, this was the true reason I was here, with him, to suck his dick before I died. It did not matter who he was really, as long as he had a swinging dick. I had to try it! He then had this to say to me, look if your not comfortable doing this, he would not mind at all, as most gay guys love to give head whether they get it in return is not important. I said no I came here to try it and I'd like to get started. Why was he trying to hold me back I wondered to myself. Please let me suck your dick was all my mind could think at this time. Again he said, look if you end up liking this. You will probably be in divorce court within 2 years, as this lifestyle is hard on marriages, professing he knew of others this had happened to. I guess being gay and meeting a lot of older guys like myself for his sex partners, he must have had some insight to what he thought he now knew. Now, I'm not so sure he was right about this. Thinking to myself I had seldom been getting any sex from my wife for quite a few years anyhow. Why would I stop now? I DO blame her for actually driving me to explore this gay side of life. Had she been co operative in the bedroom I doubt I would have pursued looking for a guy for sex or had the time for the Internet. As I've said I was very scared of someone finding I was gay. Looking at dicks on the Internet had now gotten me pretty horny and longing to try sucking a cock. For one reason, I thought guy sex was easier to manage. Because who suspects guys hanging out together. Getting involved with another woman for sex, can and will eventually get us caught by our wives or girl friends. I was not into getting laid by another woman as I felt that was adultery. Yet I had been propositioned quite a few times over the years by women, somewhat because of my stature in the area, which I still refused their offers. That went against my religion as I felt that was adultery. As we all know that slipping around gets found out quickly by our wives anyway and she knew some of these women. Somehow I felt guy sex was safe and easier to cope with if I liked it. I thought it was not adultery like sex with a woman was. I told him I was ready to face whatever came about and he offered his cock to me. I looked at it kissed it gently on the head and then licked it up and down the shaft and was amazed at the firm yet soft great taste a dick can be. I swallowed it as far as I could before gagging a little and when I came up I worked my tongue around the head to taste the best pre-cum taste I had ever knew existed. Swallowing his dick over and over, as it seemed I could not get enough of this soft yet hard cock, the feelings and tastes were so good. Licking his balls and putting each one in my mouth was such a new turn on to my new adventure. Everything he had done to me before was now my turn, and I was trying to repeat this on his body. The touching and pressure points on our bodies was exciting for my first time. Oh what I had missed over the previous years of my life. I was now getting pissed off at myself for what I had missed. I had not known about pre cum tastes even at this older age. Never thought of tasting my own pre cum. Was I or am I a prude? Maybe! I guess I had not been part of a conversation about cum tastes or pre cum with the guys. I was new to this for sure as I started really enjoying another mans dick and the sweet, soft yet hard feel of a cock in my mouth. With this, I now knew I was totally a confirmed cock sucker for life. We exchanged blow jobs for quite a while before I let him cum in my mouth as I sucked him hard and fast wanting him to cum to completion in my mouth. I had to taste cum for my first time too. He warned me it was coming, as he came quite a load, and he said not to swallow it, but too late, I already had swallowed his load. I loved the taste of his pure white cum. Now to me nothing is better than pre-cum and good white cum, except rimming, which I only did that many years later with only one guy so far. Another story for later. We met many times after this and eventually we fucked each other but for some reason, it hurt me, more than made me feel good. I love to get fucked now so it must have been something between him and I that just didn't go right. The taste and feel of another mans body next to you is so different from the tender feelings we get with a woman, yet I now prefer a man. The feelings I get making love to a cock is the best sex I have ever had. Why is this, who really understands and knows that answer. Of course a shrink can tell us. He can tell us lots of things, but I believe we "GAYS" were all born this way, and that our brains can never be re-wired to suit some dick of a doctor that thinks he can change us! Money talks and bullshit walks! Yes most of us are born normal and are heterosexual, but even a lot of those would like to try the gay side at least once before they die, but just do not have the balls to go forward and put it in their bucket list. Any and almost everything in life is worth a try one time before we die! I allways believed that. When I was 5 years old I somehow knew I liked looking at and feeling of my younger by a year, brothers dick. We, my brother and my 2 cousins same ages, one boy one girl played doctor in our bedroom a few times just to see and understand what it looked like up close and smelled like too. My girl cousin 5 also, enlightened me quite a bit about girl anatomy. At 5 I had not seen a pussy yet, but now I had first hand knowledge there must be a reason for girls and boys and to be built differently. I tried putting my finger in her pussy but it was so dry it needed lube which I knew nothing about. Still we enjoyed our little tryst of playing doctor. A few days later after finding out about my cousins pussy, I talked my next door neighbor girl, my age and same classroom at school, to let us play doctor too. I needed to see if she had a pussy or was my cousin the odd one. We did this on my front porch which had a 3 foot wall around it giving us privacy. Somehow I knew a dick was supposed to go in that pussy. There again she was very dry and tight, so still to early for my first snatch encounter. But I give myself credit for trying and thinking it to that point. How did I deduce this idea of dick in pussy, I don't know to this day. Perhaps I had seen my parents screwing on the bed but could not remember. Seems most logical today. I tried so hard to put my soft little dick in her pussy but no luck. Wonder why? Too young for arousal and woodies at 5 years old I guess. She went home and told her mother what we were doing and her mother came over and read my mother a new asshole. My mom never brought it up ever again. I guess she figured kids will be kids. The girls parents said I was never allowed to be near their girl unless we were in school. This pretty much ended my really young sexual encounters. I decided I needed to be or look to be heterosexual and persue girls. I loved looking at beautiful girls. I had many girl friends and loved pussy enough to want to get married. I loved to eat pussy when I was young. The tastes and smell turned me on, even when it smelled like fish. My wife loved it when I ate her pussy. After all the time that had elapsed over the years, my thirty eight year old guy was my first blow job at 53 years old. He was my next real sex with someone other than my young buddy and my wife and girl friends in my teens. We enjoyed many encounters over a few of years until I found out on our last trist that he was getting into drugs and that scared me, so I stopped seeing him when I found out about the drugs and a few guys living with him that had not been there in the past when I visited him. His looks and demeanor had changed quite drastically. Drugs seem to do that to people. I guess drugs seem to age them faster and looks to be harder on their body. I feel sorry for guys that need drugs to put the real world out of their lives. It never works but they think otherwise until it hits them on the head and they start thinking straight. Although some never learn how it effects them in bad ways, and continue on that path. I just feel less safe having sex with them thinking who they may have slept with just to get money for drugs. He had lost his good job too. That never helps any situation. I'm not a prude about drugs as I know a lot of guys into the drugs, I do not judge them nor care they do it, as I feel it is their right to do whatever they want to themselves. I told them just don't expect me to join them nor include me when they are doing them either. We get along very well still to this day. They respect me for never talking about it with them or telling others about their use of it.