Date: Mon, 14 Jun 2021 18:06:18 +0100
From: Cliffy B <bootusrim@gmail.com>
Subject: I ain't gay 6

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I ain't gay 6

I ain't gay, but waking up snuggled into Jared's naked body was one of the
greatest feelings of my life. My arm's wrapped around him, feeling his
warmth, feeling safe, feeling a sense of comfort and ... love? Well, maybe
he loves me, but I ain't gay. So, I'm definitely not in love with him.

Now, sitting in my room alone, I can't help but want to feel him in my arms
again. I guess I just want someone to be close to. Someone to hug, kiss,
hold and of course have sex with. But, without a girl to fill that role,
Jared's a good substitute.

It was pretty awkward at first; waking up with Jared in my arms. Soon after
I woke, Jared turned to me and gave me a smile before getting up. I don't
know if it was because he didn't want to make me uncomfortable or he was
uncomfortable with the situation, but we didn't stay cuddled up for long.

We talked a little. Nothing major, just small talk. He didn't seem his
usual confident self as we got dressed. He offered to cook me tea as it was
pretty late - almost midnight - but I decided it was best I went home.

We parted with an awkward goodbye. There was something not quite
right. I've spent the last day wondering if I did something wrong. If
somehow I'd gone too far. Maybe he regretted the whole dildo thing? Maybe
it's because he'd rather have a cock up his ass and he realised I can't
give him that. So, is he now thinking about how to dump me without hurting
my feelings?

Though I didn't see him yesterday, we have been messaging on Grindr. I've
thought about giving him my number, so we can use WhatsApp and I can
uninstall this thing. Having Jared and being set up with his friend, I've
no need to meet up with anyone else. Not that I would have anyway. I ain't
gay.

However, with the awkwardness after last time I'm worried that he might say
no. That he'd block me, and I would be without my date and Jared. Having to
go back to doom swiping through Tinder is not ideal.

Getting out of bed, I check my phone; a pit in my stomach. I worried Jared
wouldn't have messaged. That he's already blocked me and moved on.

Clicking the Grindr app, I delete the non-Jared chats, not even giving the
pictures or messages a glance and open up a new message from the only boy
I've ever spooned with.

`Hey cutie, how are you this morning?' With a sigh of relief, I message
back.  `Im good thanks' with a trembling hand, I decide to go for it, `hey
you want to exchange numbers so we dont have to use this app'. Putting my
phone down I go for my morning shower.

The pit in my stomach returns. As the hot water beats down on my naked
body, I try my hardest to put the doubt and fear to the back of my
mind. Think of anything else. Think about ... how little is going on in my
life at the moment.

Trying to stay under the radar means you can't make yourself stand out. Any
unwanted attention on me from the lads would no doubt result in a round of
name-calling and beats. This means I've done my best to hide any forms of
intelligence from them. Thankfully, I had my GCSE results sent to me in the
post, meaning they wouldn't be able to see how well I did. I mostly got 4's
and 3's, but I did get a 5 in Engineering. And the 4's were in English and
Maths, meaning I didn't have to do any retakes! Meant I got to do my
vocational course in Engineering without interruptions.

The only problem is; what to do next? I thought about going to college;
study engineering further, however, if they got wind of me being a `boff'
... well. I don't know what they'd actually do, but the way they talk about
people who go to college, I wouldn't be very welcome. That wouldn't be too
much of a problem, but most of them either live on the estate or come and
hang around the parks and pubs nearby. I can try and stay away from them,
however, one encounter with a drunken Tristian or David and I'd be in
trouble.

Turning the shower off and towelling myself dry, I come to the conclusion
that for my own personal well-being - and survival - I need to get out of
here.

Towel around my waist, I go back into my room and check my phone.

`You read my mind handsome! Here ***********' With a renewed purpose in my
life and evidence that Jared hasn't dumped me, a swell of happiness rises
from my chest.

Closing and uninstalling Grindr, I add Jared's number to my phone and open
Whatsapp.

Hmmm, what to send as the first message? Feeling confident -and a little
cheeky- I click on the camera icon, pointing my phone at the mirror on my
wardrobe door I take a picture of myself half-naked in a towel. It isn't a
full-length mirror, so it just catches the top of my towel, though, it
perfectly catches my damp, messy hair.

Sitting down on my bed, I send the pic and wait for the ticks to turn blue.

`Oh wow, now this is a good morning ;)' `Should use that as your tinder
pic. Deffo get a response then haha'

I know he's trying to give me an ego boost, but it kind of sounds like he's
trying to pawn me off onto a girl. What with trying to set me up and the
awkward goodbye. Which, yeah it's what I want too. It's just ... I don't
know.

`Lol thanks I doubt it tho' come to think of it, I haven't even changed my
Tinder pic to the one Jared sent me yet.

He sent me the pic over Grindr yesterday. Had to screenshot it, though it
meant I got to crop out the, uh, bulge.

`You have to have more confidence in yourself.'  `You're a fit hottie.'
`All the girls should be after you'

The only people that seem to have actually taken a liking to my looks are
gay guys.

`Girls dont have good taste like you lol'

Or I'm just not good enough for them. Looking at the pic again, I notice my
lack of definition. With my face hidden behind my phone, I look like a
child. Definitely not the big, burly manly man women want to protect them.

`Well their loss is my gain ;)'

He's being flirty again. The messages yesterday were far less flirty; just
general conversation. He didn't even ask me to come round. With it being
the last day we could be together I was kind of surprised. Though, I
suppose it was a good thing. I mean, I'd have to think of a way to turn him
down. Can't be hooking up with him two days in a row. That's far too gay
and I ain't gay.

Soon after the message, a pic appeared in the chat. A top-down selfie of
Jared, sitting on the sofa in only his thong.

My dick goes from flaccid to semi in a heartbeat. Though, that's probably
due to not wanking at all yesterday. I think I jizzed too much the day
before; my balls were completely empty. Nothing to do with being worried
about Jared's changing mood towards me.

`Last time I get to be so naked around the house'

Wish I had as much freedom as him. Mum rarely comes to my room, but on the
chance she does it's best I don't spend the day naked. Plus, it isn't the
same as getting to sit, watching TV, in your undies.

`Thought your house mates were moving in today' was that a lie so I
wouldn't ask to come round?

`First one won't be here till the evening.'  `Enjoying myself while I can!'

Maybe he just wants to have a day alone? If I still had Grindr I'd check to
see if he's on there, looking for someone else to fuck.

What am I thinking? Who he meets is none of my business!

` ah cool' `But you arent actually naked'

I mean, sure the thong doesn't cover much - Just his dick and butt hole-
but he could be more naked.

`Ha ha.'  `You are feeling naughty ;)'

Before I can think of a reply another selfie appears. Pretty much the same
but this time with his thong laying on his dick, obviously having been
taken off and put there to tease me.

`So are you' `Tease'

I send him a picture back; a top-down view of the bulge in my towel.

`Me? You're the one that sent me a picture of your wet, naked body.'

`Lol i guess your right'

I blush, even though no one's here.

`Well, how about if you show me yours I'll show you mine ;)'

At one point showing another guy my hard, naked dick would make me feel
sick. However, I don't hesitate as I open up my towel, letting my hard cock
bob free.

Sending the pic, I don't have to wait long to get one back from Jared, this
time getting a completely uninterrupted view of Jared's tanned body and
hard cock. I reach down with my left hand and start to feel my own.

`Wow you got me horny' I take another pic of my hand wrapped around my
cock, but hesitate before sending it.

Getting rid of the pic, I click on the camera icon again, this time holding
the button down to take a five-second video of me doing a slow up and down
stroke of my cock.

Sending it to Jared, I speed up a little. Running my hand along the curve
of my dick.

`Thats more than just showing babe ;)'

I'd never sent any vids of me playing with myself before. Gotta admit; I
like how naughty and sexy it makes me feel.

Before I can answer, a 5-second clip appears in the chat window. Playing
it, there's the same angle as before, however, this time Jared's left hand
is slowly moving the skimpy, pink thong up and down his cock, wanking
himself with it.

As the clip finishes, another one pops up. My hand now furiously wanking my
throbbing boner, I don't hesitate to open it. Jared's still wanking with
his thong, however, at the last second, he lets go of his dick. The thong
falling off to reveal his dark, curved cock bobbing in the air.

Holy fuck. I take a deep breath, slowing my hand down as I start to get too
carried away. How do I reply to that?

`Wow hot' Simple, I know. But my brain's ability to form complex sentences
has stopped.

In response, a box asking permission to start a video call appears in the
window.

I don't hesitate in clicking accept. He's got me hard and dripping with two
5 second clips; a live show will be even hotter.

The screen changes to being filled with Jared's body and hard cock -my own
hard cock being slowly wanked appears in a small rectangle in the top right
corner.

"Hey there sexy, I see you enjoyed the videos." It's weird hearing
 Jared without actually being able to see his face.  "Heh, yeah. The way
you tease is so hot." Just the memory has me speeding up on my cock.  "I'm
glad you liked it. Now, what else would you like me to do?" His voice is
quiet, seductive and sexy.

Fuck, he wants me to give him orders. What shall I ask? I mean, I ain't
gay, so I'm not sure what would be sexy for a guy to do.

"Um, play with your hole. Don't touch your dick." Not sure where that came
from; just the image of Jared playing with himself entered my mind and my
dick just started throbbing.

I suppose the butt hole is the closest thing a guy has to a pussy.

"Sure thing babe" Jared's left hand moves down, past his cock as his feet
appear and rests up on the sofa, giving himself easier access to his
hole. The camera also moves to give me a better view. I'm just able to see
the wrinkled skin of his hole as his index finger rubs small circles around
it.

"Very nice." I've lost control of my right hand. Mindlessly wanking my dick
as fast as I can while the hot image of Jared's hole puckers, letting just
the tip inside.  "What would you do to me if you were here right now?"
Jared keeps the same seductive tone, however, his voice breaks just a
little at the beginning.  "Fuck, if I were there I'd be on my knees,
pushing your legs as far as I can so I can get my tongue in between those
cheeks. Lick up and down your crack, part those lips, taste inside your
pink hole." I take a deep breath, my hand feeling fantastic as it refuses
to slow down. The image of the dildo in Jared's hole comes to my mind along
with the horny feelings of wanting my own cock to be inside Jared, not the
silicone. "Your hole nice and wet, I stand up and tease it with my
cock. Rubbing it around your hole, just like your finger is doing. Rubbing
it around, slowly inserting a little before removing it to continue teasing
you." I stop again, gulping down some saliva as I think about the next
step, imagining the dildo entering Jared's hole, imagining it's my dick.
"Mmmmmm, baby, put your cock in me." As Jared says the words, his finger
disappears into his hole.

The words catch in my throat. My head is filled with the image of Jared
fingering himself, of him laying on his bed as I fuck him with the dildo
and of me leaning over him as I bury my cock inside.

"Yeah, slowly, I-" "Hey Jared, you home?"

Suddenly the image on my phone erupts into chaos: Jared yanks his finger
out of his hole as the phone goes flying, leaving me in darkness. A moment
later it's picked up and the video call ends with a panicked look on
Jared's face.

Left in the deafening silence of my room -my hand still on my still
throbbing cock- I try to understand what just happened. Did one of his
housemates come back early? I'm pretty sure it was a male voice, however, I
thought he was staying with girls?

Flopping myself on my bed I scream into my pillow. Sexual frustration? Fear
of Jared leaving me behind? Fear of what I was just about to admit to Jared
and myself?

I'm not gay, I'm not! But the way he was fingering himself, obviously just
reminded me of a girl fingering her pussy. Without being able to see his
face or his dick, it could have easily been the body of a girl. Yeah,
that's why I wanted to ... to ... And only girls use dildos! That's why the
image of fucking Jared with a dildo turns me on so much!

Ignoring my still hard cock, I put on a t-shirt, boxers and sweatpants.

I need to get my mind off Jared, about what I almost said. I need to think
about ... my future. Yeah. How am I going to get out of here? School has
only just started recently, too late to apply for any colleges or
apprenticeships now. I'll have to wait till the spring to apply. Gives me
time to think about what I really want to do. I enjoyed engineering,
however, a 5 isn't the greatest grade, and I only got a pass on my
vocational. Maybe if I get some experience, that'll give me the edge I
need?

My cock now soft, I go out to the sitting room where mum is watching `This
Morning'.

"Hey, mum, have you got uncle Ted's number?" My uncle Ted buys houses, does
them up and then sells them for massive profit. He's pretty loaded. Big
house, nice cars, always got the latest techs. Used to love going around
when I was a kid.  "Of course, sweety. What you want your uncle Ted for?
Not asking for money, I hope." Despite having to quit work and go on
disability after an accident at work -leaving us with very little money- my
mum's still a proud woman. While I'm sure family members have helped us in
the past, I'm also sure it hurts my mum to have to go asking for handouts.
"Naw, nothing like that. Thinking of doing an engineering course. Thought
it'd be good if I got some experience, pad up the C.V, you know? Thought
uncle Ted might have some work I can do on his houses." My mum's face
lights up. Like all parents, she's been asking and nagging me about what
I'm going to do with my life since school finished in the summer.  "Oh,
sweetie! That's a fantastic idea! Good money in tradesmen's work. I mean,
you know how well off your uncle is." Without trying to hide her
excitement, she gives me my uncle's number.

Going back to my room, I click on the WhatsApp message I noticed while
putting my uncle's number into my phone.

`I'm so sorry Dean!'  `My housemate came home early.'  `Managed to get a
lift-off his parents instead of catching the train. Meant they left early
though' The messages were accompanied by some monkey hiding its face and
crying emoji.

`Oh shit' `Did he see anything?' I'm still a bit confused about it being a
guy. Though he only said about the two girls from the picture moving
in. Now that I think about it, there are four bedrooms in the house.

`No!'  `Thankfully I kept my robe with me.'  `Pretty sure its obvious what
was happening but he didnt say anything.'

A sigh of relief leaves my body. Not so much that he wasn't caught wanking,
more that he isn't hooking up with other guys. I know I shouldn't be
jealous of other people hooking up with Jared, he ain't my boyfriend or
anything -I ain't gay- but it's just kind of nice thinking I have someone
that's only into me.

`Thats alright then.'

Closing WhatsApp, I open my contacts. Taking a deep breath, I try to
swallow my nerves as I press the call button under my uncle's name.

I know it's silly being nervous about calling your own uncle, it's just I
don't really see my family much. All of my dad's side of the family ditched
us and my mum's not really that close with hers. I think there was some
tension about my mum marrying my dad. Though, it turns out they were right
about him.

I won't bore you with the details. My uncle's a really nice guy; always
laughing, joking and smiling. A real man's man. He was pretty excited about
me working with him. Apparently, I called at the right time. He'd just sold
one of his properties and is about to move onto a new one next week. Said
he'd give it a once over, see what needs to be done on Monday and contact
me on Tuesday. So, that's really good!

I spent the rest of the day around the house; watching TV with mum,
watching Youtube on my phone, doing the housework. A normal day in my life.

Around 7 pm, while watching a compilation Tik Tok video, I started to get
pretty horny. I blame the hot girls in the vids. Though my balls only
started to tingle on the video of a shirtless, muscular dude doing some
dance, the last five videos had hot girls in. Though, the dude had some
killer abs. Rounded and shiny. Lucky fucker. My dick actually started to
harden in the next video where a girl was trying to climb around her
boyfriend. For some reason, he was also shirtless and muscular. Damn, I'd
kill for his abs and chest hair.

My dick now hard, I remembered the interruption this morning. How horny I
was, yet didn't get to finish.

Pausing Youtube, I go to type in pornhub. After about 10 minutes of
fruitless searching, my dick had deflated. Putting it back in my pants, I
go back to the Youtube video.

After only a few videos, my dick was back up and hard. Can it make up its
mind? Does it want me to wank or not? I suppose the Tik Tok girls are
better looking than the pornhub ones. They just seem more natural, you
know?

Or maybe after all the fun I've had recently, whacking it to porn just
isn't doing it for me anymore.

Hard and horny, I send Jared a message:

`Hey u up to much'

Lazily stroking my dick in my boxer, I wait for a reply.

Thankfully it didn't take long.

`Hey handsome.'  `Not much just hanging with my house mate' `How about
you?'

I take a picture of the bulge in sweat pants in return.

`Still horny? ;)'

I was kind of hoping for a picture in reply.

`Yeah we didnt get to finish what we started before'.

I put my hand back in my boxers, the palm getting wet from the leaking
head.

`I know what you mean.'

This time I get a picture reply of a bulge in Jared's pink pyjama bottoms.

`Want to finish?'

I blame horny desperation for bringing me to the point of asking a gay guy
to have a live wank with me.

`Wish I could handsome :(`.

He also sends a pic of what I assume to be his housemate sitting on the
other sofa to him.

Dirty blond hair, slim face. Wearing a black v neck t-shirt and dark blue
checkered pyjama bottoms. Long mouth with deep red lips.

For a split second the thought that he was cute entered my head. Shortly
followed by wondering if he's as hairless as Jared. He's definitely not as
tanned.

`Maybe later?'

I shake the thoughts of Jared's housemate out of my head.

`I duno Dean. Don't want to actually get caught next time.'

Is he trying to find excuses to not live chat with me? Has he gone off me?
Moved on to his housemate?

I consider ending the conversation as my dick covers my fingers in
precum. No, I'm way too horny to give up now.

With a cheeky smile, I get an idea.

Pushing the video call button, it takes a couple of seconds before the
screen changes to
 a view of Jared's legs as he starts to get off the couch.

"-parents. Be back in a moment." I assume Jared's talking to his
housemate. "You are such a naughty boy, Dean." There's a peal of light
laughter in his voice. With the camera pointed at the floor, I can tell
Jared's going upstairs.  "Sorry, thought you might have needed a reason to
get away." I can't help giggling.

Closing his door and getting on his bed, he changes the camera to
forward-facing.

"Alright, Mister. You're going to need to do something to make it up to
me." Jared's doing his best to look mad, however, there's still a kindness
in his eyes. "Or else you aren't going to see anything."  "Okay, what can I
do to make it up to you?" I'm smiling wide, the camera still pointed at the
bulge in my sweats.

"First of all, get naked with the camera pointed at your mirror." The look
of anger's now gone from his cute, heart-shaped face.

Getting on my knees, I shuffle to the end of my bed, the camera pointed at
the mirror. There being little room between my bed and the wardrobe, Jared
gets a pretty good full-bodied view.

Awkwardly, I manage to pull my grey t-shirt over my head. Sorting out my
messed up hair, I then pull the front of my sweats and boxers done,
revealing my hard, dripping cock.

"Close up of that monster." Jared's voice sounds a bit distant, as I zoom
in on my cock. The head glistened in my bedroom light. "Good, now turn
around and bend over."

I hesitate a moment. Showing my dicks one thing, but I'm not entirely sure
about my ass. Not being gay, I've never thought of it in a sexual way.

Slowly turning around, I take a deep breath as I bend over onto my elbows
and point my phone at the mirror. I can just about make out the dark hairy
crack in the small window next to Jared's face.

"Very nice. Okay. All's forgiven." Quickly turn back around, I fully remove
my sweats and boxers and sit on the edge of my bed. "Now, how can I help
you with that large burden?" Jared gives me a wink.  "Get your dildo and
suck on it." For a moment I think about it going somewhere else, but I need
to stay away from that area.  "Mmmm, yeah. You wanting a blow job are you?"
Jared props his phone on his bedside table as his head goes out of frame
for a moment, returning with his dildo in hand.  "Oh yeah, been thinking
about those lips on my cock." My voice is breathy with desire.  "Just
imagine this is your big, hard dick, baby" Laying back against the
headboard, I watch as the silicone cock disappears down Jared's throat. I
see his throat muscles contracting as the balls lay against his lips.

I give a loud gasp as my hand speeds up on my cock, the precum causing my
foreskin to make wet, sloshing sounds. Wave after wave of pleasure runs
through me, radiating into the mirror and back to Jared.

Pulling the dildo out to the tip, he then drives it straight back in with
force, making himself gag a little.

I imagine it's my cock hitting the back of his throat, feeling the wet,
slick skin against the head of my cock, making him gag.

Removing the silicone cock once more, he drives it back in, this time
instantly removing it, getting into a fast and hard rhythm.

In my mind, I'm face fucking Jared as the sounds of garglings and sucking
escape from my phone.

I feel my balls start to pull up as I watch Jared take the dildo in both
hands and thrust it into him with force, causing the whole bed to shake.

"I'm close, Jared." I just about manage to speak as my whole body tenses.

I watch as the muscles in my stomach clench and my shoulders hunch over;
the feeling of my impending orgasm hitting into me.

"Yeah, baby. Cum in my mouth." Jared removes the dildo and leans towards
the camera, mouth open and tongue out.  "Swallow. My-" I don't manage to
finish the sentence as I imagine Jared's tongue is covered in my cum.

In reality, I shoot three streaks onto my mirror, the rest dribbling down
onto the dirty boxers and socks below me.

"Very nice, babe. Hope you enjoyed. I have to go. Speak to you tomorrow"
"Oka-" Again I don't get to finish my sentence as the video call goes dead,
returning me back to the motionless chat window.

Dropping my phone, I lay back on my bed, closing my eyes, trying to catch
my breath.  My balls now emptied, I start to feel embarrassed. The way I
bugged Jared to video call with me. The way I showed him my ass. The way I
came to just him sucking on a dildo.

Grabbing some old boxers off the floor, I clean up my mess. Well, I try
to. The cum leaves some streaks on my mirror. Getting dressed I watch TV
with mum until bedtime.

Waking up the next morning, I feel better until I read my phone:

`Hey Dean. We need to talk. You able to come round about 12?'

Oh shit. This is it. I'm being dumped by a gay guy that wasn't even my
boyfriend. How messed up is that?

I send him a reply saying I'll be there and go shower.

I barely feel the water beating down on my head as the knot in my stomach
threatens to make me throw up.

It all makes sense. The awkwardness of the other night. The lack of
flirting the day after. Lack of attempt to have me come round for one more
session. The reluctance to video chat with me. The way he abruptly ended
the call and didn't even cum himself. It's obvious he's found someone else
-someone better- and he's dumping me. I suppose it's nice of him to tell me
face to face instead of by text. Or worse; ghosting.

I don't remember what I did the rest of the morning. It all passed in a
daze. Thinking about what I could have done to keep him. Thinking about
what the other guy has that I don't. I imagine him to be like the guy in
the Tik Tok video. The one being climbed on by his girlfriend.

As I knock on Jared's door, the feeling of pain, regret and sadness is
almost overwhelming. I felt like running, however, that won't stop the
inevitable. If he doesn't dump me here, he'll just do it by phone or text
or just block me. At least this way I get to see him one last time.

For a moment the pain and sadness go away as the door is replaced by
Jared's face. Though, it comes back when I notice the sadness in his eyes.

"Hey, Dean. Come on in." I follow him to the living room in silence.

Jared sits on the sofa, his jean-clad legs curled up under him. His hands
pulling on the buttons of his white woollen cardigan.  I sit to the right
of the sofa. Body faced towards the room, unable to look at Jared. Trying
to hide my sadness, the tears that are threatening to fall.

"It's funny." Jared eventually breaks the silence, his voice forcing me to
look in his direction. To look into his pretty, tanned face and sad
smile. "I thought you'd be like all the other supposed straight guys on
Grindr. Either just out for a quick fuck or saying they're straight in the
hope of getting more guys." I'm not sure why a gay guy would say they're
straight. Why would that get them more guys? Surely the fact they don't
want gay sex would be a turn-off. "However, you're different, Dean." The
sadness goes from his face as he looks me in the eyes, piercing the sadness
and causing a heat to start in my chest. "You were actually telling the
truth." I wonder which one he thought I was. "I was shocked to find a sexy,
sweet, shy boy that just wanted to experiment sexually."

I look away, blushing. It's technically true. I mean, I just wanted to know
what it all ... felt like. What having a blow job felt like, what being
with another person sexually felt like. I guess I was so desperate I didn't
care if it was with a boy or girl.

"I thought ... hmmmmm ... I thought we'd have a bit of fun, you know? You'd
get to experiment a little, get bored and we'd both move on, however ..."
Jared hesitated, trying to find the right words "it became something more
for me." Is he going to tell me he loves me? How do I reply to that?
"Waking up in your arms ... I realised something."

I lean closer, desperate to hear the answer. Desperate to hear that he
hasn't found someone else. Desperate for him not to dump me.

"I realised that I had feelings for you, Dean. That it wasn't just
experimenting, that it turned into something more. That I wanted ... I
wanted a relationship with you." My throat goes dry as my heart hammers
into my chest. The heat turned into an inferno. "However, we both know
that's not going to happen." All at once, it felt like my insides had been
dumped out. Leaving me feeling empty and cold. "You aren't gay."

For a moment I think about saying that I am, saying that we could be in a
relationship. But, he's right. I'm not gay and we could never be in an
actual relationship together.

"And it isn't fair. On either of us. It isn't fair on you, being strung
along, thinking we're having harmless fun while I'm secretly trying to keep
you for myself, trying to convert you." I doubt that he can convert me, but
I don't really mind if he has a crush on me. To be honest, I already
thought he did. "And it isn't fair on me, because every time I see you, it
breaks my heart. Knowing that I can touch you, be with you but never
actually have you. It's too much for me, Dean. Sorry."

Jared's eyes tear up as the weight of his words presses against me.

I'd been so caught up in using him for my sexual exploration, I never
actually thought how it was affecting him. I just thought he'd enjoy having
sex with me because he's gay and I'm a guy. But, thinking about it;
yeah. I'd hate it if I was having sex with a girl but they were looking for
someone else. Be fucking shit.

"I'm ... I'm so sorry, Jared, I didn't-" "It's okay, Dean. You don't need
to apologize," I can feel my eyes fill up as I watch the tears falling down
Jared's cheeks, "you told me exactly what this was. You didn't try to fool
me, as I said; you were honest. It's just ... shit happens." Jared smiles
through the tears as I whip mine out of my eyes.

"We can still talk, it's just ... no sexual stuff. Okay?" I nod my
agreement.

I mean, it's for the best, right?

I mean. I ain't gay. Right?


If you've enjoyed feel free to drop me a message at:
bootusrim@gmail.com. Also check out my other stories:

https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/adult-youth/the-morality-of-cheating
https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/encounters/desperate-times/
https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/sf-fantasy/might-and-magic
https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/encounters/pretty-boy-and-the-pauper
https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/highschool/dare-squad