Date: Wed, 2 Mar 2022 22:24:13 -0600
From: Jacob Windigo <jakewindigo@gmail.com>
Subject: A Marching Band Story Chapter 9

The following is a work of fiction loosely based on real life. Any
similarities to anyone are purely coincidental. The story is intended for a
mature audience. It may contain profanity and references to gay sex. If
this offends you, please leave and find something more suitable to
read. The stories are copyrighted, and the author maintains exclusive
rights to the story.

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**************************************************************************


Last time on A Marching Band Story:


After a couple more weeks, Connor was but a distant, painful memory. I
tried not to think about him as it would surely cause me to spiral. I had
begun to be excited about college and the opportunity for a fresh start,
and I was deep in my planning for the future when I received a call from an
unexpected individual.

"Kyle? What's up?"

"Umm, hey, Jarrod, I know you're headed off to college pretty soon, but
this is really, really important. I am beyond worried about Connor, and I
think you're the only person who can help him".

**************************************************************************


A Marching Band Story Chapter 9


I stood in my room, shocked without any idea of how to continue. Part of me
wanted to hang up right then and there, unwilling to delve into the
bottomless sea of emotions I had chosen to ignore and pretend like I never
answered the phone. But something in me, call it heartbroken longing or a
spark of desperate hope, pushed me to keep talking.


I took a deep breath. "Kyle. To be honest, this was not a call I was ever
expecting to receive, especially not from you."


"I know, I know", Kyle said dismissively, "I am a huge dick and an asshole,
I get that now. I have actually been talking through some of my problems
with my friends and things are going pretty well, but this is not about me,
this is about Connor."


Hearing his name again sent a wave of excruciating emotional pain through
my body, causing my vision to lose focus for a moment. "Well, I am glad to
hear you're beginning to figure things out, Kyle. I appreciate that you
thought I would be a good person to call, but, as I am sure you know by
now, we aren't seeing each other anymore, so I don't think I'll be of much
help."


"That's exactly why I'm calling you, Jarrod! You two broke up or whatever,
and now you are the only one who can help Connor to get better.", Kyle said
emphatically, clearly frustrated, not with me, but with the situation at
hand.


I took a second to think. "I'm sorry, Kyle, you've lost me. I don't really
know how I could be helpful to Con--, to him. Besides, even if his parents
let me see him, I wouldn't trust myself to not attack the demon he has for
a mother."


Kyle paused, clearly taken back by my strong words. "Okay, wow, I mean,
Connor's parents told me things did not end well, but I didn't know it was
that bad." Kyle paused again, longer this time, before continuing. "Jarrod,
the truth is that we are all worried about Connor, his parents included. He
hasn't left his house since he got back from the trip, and for the past
couple of days, all he has done is sleep in his room. He's barely eating
anymore, and he refuses to talk with anyone but me. He needs you, and I
think his parents are finally recognizing that too, they are the ones that
asked me to call you."


All of that information hit me like a ton of bricks, bringing me to sit
down at the edge of my bed. The fact that Connor's parents wanted to reach
out to me was a testament to just how much they feared for Connor's
wellbeing. I tried to reconcile what Kyle just told me with the image of my
perfect boyfriend in my mind, but it seemed impossible that Connor would
ever spiral so hard into depression. He has been hurting this entire time,
without anyone to pull him out of his own despair. Anger combined with a
feeling of protectiveness overwhelmed me, boiling my blood and causing me
to shake with anxiety and raw emotional energy.


"I'll be at his house as soon as possible", I said, not even trying to hide
the angry determination in my voice.


"Thank you so much, Jarrod, you have no idea how much this means. I'm just
leaving Connor's house right now, so I'll let his parents know. I have no
idea how hard this probably is for you, but you have always been the
strongest person I know. I guess what I am trying to say is I am grateful
for you Jarrod, I really am".


I was surprised by how much Kyle's kind words meant to me. "Of course,
Kyle, I'm sorry that you have had a rough go of it lately. Your willingness
to learn and put in the work is incredibly admirable, and despite this
being one of the most difficult times in my life, I am glad you called me."


"It was my pleasure", Kyle responded matter-of-factly, and with that, we
ended the conversation.


It took me several minutes to get control of my breathing as I closed my
eyes and let all of the emotions I had pushed down for so long take hold of
me once more. Was I mad at Connor? No, I wasn't. Connor was essentially cut
down at an extremely vulnerable point in his journey towards
self-acceptance and was then involuntarily pushed in the opposite direction
by the words of a concerned but misguided parent. The actions he performed
were not his own, so I knew I did not want to blame him for what he
did. That being said, what happened still hurt me beyond belief. I went
through hell dealing with Connor's rejection of me, and multiple times
after the trip I had decided altogether that love just wasn't for me. All
of the searing anger, drowning depression, suffocating despair, and
devastating self-hate were not just going to go away because I decided not
to blame Connor. I still had to figure out how to deal with everything I
was feeling, the difference was that for the first time in forever I had
the possibility of facing those emotions with someone else, someone who I
loved more than anyone in the entire universe.


After agonizing over what I was going to wear for several minutes, I
decided to keep it simple with a pair of dark jeans, a black t-shirt, and a
red flannel. I made my way downstairs, preparing what I was going to say to
my parents when I practically ran into them.


"Hey Jarrod", my dad said with his trademark joviality, "how's it going?"


I hesitated for a moment, trying to find my courage. "Oh, uh, hey Dad, I
was actually just looking for you. Is Mom around?"


"I'm in the kitchen", Mom yelled from the other room, and so I slowly made
my way to the kitchen table, my dad closely following behind.


I took a steadying breath, my mom and dad realizing just how nervous I was
at that moment. "Alright, so, I just got off the phone with Kyle, and he
asked me on behalf of Connor's parents to go and see Connor. Apparently,
Connor is in a really dark place right now, and I am the only one who can
help him."


My parents looked at each other, and then looked back at me, my mother
being the first to speak. "Wow, honey, that's a lot to deal with, are you
sure you're up for this?"


"Yes", I said with a confidence I didn't know I had, "I know my
relationship with Connor really messed me up, but I love him. I still love
him after everything, and he needs me, so how can I not do this?"


My dad crossed his arms, a look of begrudging reluctance settling on his
face. "Jarrod, buddy, this Connor guy hurt you. Your mom and I sat by and
watched just how much pain you went through, and I don't know how
comfortable we are having you run off as soon as he calls you back."


"Dad, I hear what you're saying, I do, and it's not like I'm just going to
ignore all of the shitty feelings I went through because of this whole
situation, but I have faith that this can work out between us. Call it
naivete or hopeless romanticism, but I love Connor, and I cannot just let
that go."


My mom and dad looked at each other once more, coming to some sort of
unspoken agreement. "Jarrod", my mom finally said, "We support you in your
decision, but we also want to protect you from being hurt again. Bottom
line is that we just want you to be careful."


I took a moment to let their words sink in. "Mom, Dad, I promise I will be
careful, and I truly appreciate your support and unconditional love, I--,
you have no idea just how helpful you have been."


Tears began to roll down my face, and my parents were right there, wrapping
me in the warmest hug. After bawling my eyes out for a good five minutes, I
decided I couldn't stall any longer. I said goodbye to my parents, got in
my car, and started the long drive to Connor's house.


The unfortunate thing about having a narrow spectrum of music tastes is
that you end up hearing the same songs over and over again. Usually, this
would not be a problem, but as I got on the highway "Fly Me to the Moon"
started to play, and I was instantly transported back to that moonlit
night. Tears began to roll down my face as I let myself feel the full
weight of the pure unadulterated sadness that was at the root of
everything. Sure, I was angry, frustrated, lovesick, grief-stricken, and so
much more, but at the core, I was experiencing an absolute lack of
joy. Connor had become my everything, maybe even my very reason for living,
but then he was ripped from me, and I don't think I ever really recovered
from that. I convinced myself to be excited for college as a feeble attempt
to fill the void. Connor was always what I wanted, and everything I tried
to distract myself with fell far too short.


As the song ended, I began to ponder if Connor was feeling everything I
was, and if so, how much more difficult it must be for him with at least
one parent who does not truly accept him. If it weren't for the love of my
friends and family, I am sure I would have collapsed into darkness, and
what that meant for Connor terrified me. I decided to drive faster, too
worried about my boyfriend to care about getting pulled over.


Connor's house was about 30 minutes from my own, and I soon found myself
pulling into his driveway, a densely packed ball of nerves. I had never
actually been to his house, I just knew where it was as I had picked up
Kyle from this house for sectionals many times. I took one last moment by
myself to catch my breath, and then I exited my car, slowly made my way to
the front door, and gave a gentle knock.


Despite asking me to come over, when Connor's mother answered the door I
was met with a look of disgust. "Hello Jarrod", she said my name as if it
were a bad taste, "how nice of you to drop by."


"Ms. Olson, I came as soon as I possibly could." I decided to try for
polite courtesy even though I was clearly unwelcome here.


"Yes, Kyle said he gave you a call and asked you to come talk to Connor,
although I am still not in complete agreement with that decision, you are
the reason my innocent boy is like this in the first place after all."


I took a deep breath. "The fact that you believe that tells me you are a
terrible example of a mother who has yet to understand that loving her
child unconditionally is her most important job, and I am truly sorry that
Connor has had to endure that for so long on his own." So much for manners,
I guess.


Fire burned in her eyes as her face contorted into an ugly snarl. "If my
Connor had never met you, disgrace to humanity that you are, he would never
have had to endure any of this."


"Between the two of us, a mother who refuses to accept and celebrate her
own son for loving who he wants feels like the bigger disgrace, don't you
think?"


Before Ms. Olson could respond, Mr. Olson arrived to save the day. "You
must be Jarrod! Hello, please, come in, I am sure my wife was just about to
welcome you to our home!", he said, obviously glaring daggers at Ms. Olson.


I made my way inside the front door, taking off my shoes and following
Mr. Olson to the living room. "Thank you, Mr. Olson, for inviting me over,
although I wish it was under happier circumstances."


Mr. Olson gave me a defeated smile. "Please Jarrod, call me Jack, and this
is my wife Stacy, but it seems you two have already spoken. We cannot thank
you enough for coming over on such short notice."


We were seated now, me opposite Connor's parents. "I love Connor, so it
only made sense that I should try to talk to him."


At those words, Ms. Olson resumed her attempt at incinerating me with her
gaze, but Mr. Olson took her hand in his. "Jarrod, that's what we were
hoping to talk about with you, your relationship with Connor", Mr. Olson
began. "I hope you understand that this all came as a shock to Stacy and
me. It's not that we haven't noticed the increasing public acceptance of
the LGBT community, we just were never expecting that our own son would
identify as such. This is new for us, and we are still trying to figure all
of it out, but we know that this whole situation probably was not handled
in the best way. I was on a business trip when your band directors called
Stacy with the news...", Mr. Olson trailed off, looking at his wife.


Ms. Olson now refused to look at me as she spoke. "Yes, this whole same-sex
couple business is completely new to us", she received a glare from her
husband, "but we are doing our best to try and understand. I admit that I
might have influenced Connor in a way I should not have, which caused him
to make some rash and possibly harmful decisions, and I suppose I am
sorry. Nevertheless, we need your help."


I took a moment to let their words wash over me. It was clear that
Mr. Olson was much more motivated to understand and accept his son than
Ms. Olson, and for that, I was incredibly grateful. Still, I could see he
was struggling to encourage his wife to do the same, so I decided to do
something bold, but necessary.


"Do you even know what you mean by `help'?", I asked rhetorically, "Because
it seems to me that you haven't entirely thought this through. Were you
expecting me to come over, wake Connor up from his extreme depressive
episode, and then leave because everything would resolve itself? In all
honesty, I don't see any scenario in which this does not end in me
reentering Connor's life as an important figure, so are you really ready
for that?"


Mr. Olson was the first to speak after a long, tense silence. "Yes, I
am. You clearly mean so much to Connor, and while I am still figuring out
what all of this means for me, I know that it is probably better to have
you in Connor's life than out of it."


"No!", Ms. Olson yelled all of sudden, clearly at her boiling point. "This
is just not right, none of this is! You're both boys for God's sake, you
are not supposed to love each other like that. It's not normal, and you're
kidding yourselves by thinking as much. How can two boys have romantic
feelings for each other, that isn't natural! There is no way you could
truly love my Connor, absolutely none!"


Mr. Olson led his head in his hands, apparently used to this argument but
nevertheless annoyed by Ms. Olson's words. I took another several minutes
before speaking, trying to find the right words to say.


"You mean your Connor, who loves the outdoors more than anyone I know, and
has a respect for the majesty of natural world that is nothing less than
admirable? You mean your Connor, whose compassion and empathy knows no
bounds? You mean your Connor, who spent the time and energy befriending
every rookie in the drumline this year in order to make them feel welcome?
You mean your Connor, who is wise beyond his years, and his mature insight
even humbles me at times? You mean your Connor, who is filled with
laughter, kindness, beauty, strength, tenderness, and above all else, is
filled with an overwhelming, infinite amount of love? Because if this is
the Connor you are speaking about, then how can I not love him with every
fiber of my being?"


I was shaking uncontrollably now as I was sure these were the most
important words I had ever spoken. I hadn't even noticed that I had begun
to cry until my eyes met Ms. Olson's own tear-stained face.


She paused before speaking, giving herself a moment to gather
herself. "Is--, is that really how you see my son?"


"Absolutely", I responded immediately, "he is my everything."  "I've been a
fool, haven't I?", Ms. Olson said between sniffles. "I would be lying if I
said I am suddenly comfortable with all of this, but I see now that what
you and Connor have is... genuine. I know it will take a lot of work for me
to understand, but I would be willing to try, if only for the sake of my
son."


I couldn't help but smile, finally seeing a way forward. "I appreciate
that, Ms. Olson. So, what's the plan?"


Mr. Olson took this as his cue to jump back into the conversation. "Well,
we were hoping you would just go in and talk to him? He has all but stopped
communicating with Stacy and I, and he only really gives one word responses
to Kyle. So, having you walk in and talk to him we thought would be the
best course of action."


So no plan, got it. "Yeah, umm, I can work with that I guess, but I would
also appreciate some privacy, if you don't mind?"


Mr. and Ms. Olson looked awkwardly at each other. "Of course", Mr. Olson
responded, "Connor's room is the first door on the left as soon as you walk
upstairs. We'll just stay down here, to give you two some space."


I thanked them both, and then I made my way to the stairs. I could feel my
heart pounding inside my chest, my heart rate higher than it ever had
been. I felt as if I was experiencing every emotion at once with nervous
anxiety coming out on top. Each step brought me closer to the boy of my
dreams and closer to a full-blown anxiety attack, but I had to push
through. The only thing that probably got me to the top of the stairs was
my longing for Connor, my desperate need to see him again, to feel him in
my arms once more. I stood at his door, my hand hovering over the doorknob
until I couldn't stand the anticipation any longer. I turned the knob and
swung open the door in one swift motion, not prepared for what I was about
to see.


Connor was as beautiful as always, but I could tell he had begun to neglect
his health. His body was somewhat thinner, his bones slightly more visible
as he slept on top of his covers. His eyes had deep bags under them,
characteristic of someone for whom sleep had not come easy. His hair was
matted, but still that gorgeous golden brown color. His skin was paler,
having been kept from the sun for an extended period of time. In addition,
the smell told me Connor had not showered in several days, but despite all
of this, he was still my perfect boyfriend, and the love that swelled
within me at seeing his face was enough to satisfy me for several
lifetimes.


I slowly made my way over to the bed, careful as to not wake Connor from
his tenuous slumber. I gently climbed into the bed, and lightly wrapped my
arms around my young lover for the first time in weeks. Connor immediately
began to relax into my touch, almost instantly sleeping easier. We stayed
like that for several minutes; I was too content and too afraid to do
anything more.


I was about ready to doze off when Connor spoke all of a sudden. "I know as
soon as I open my eyes, you'll disappear, and I'll be all alone again,
because you're not actually here, but you feel so... real."


He sounded utterly broken, his voice raspy from disuse. "Connor", I said as
softly as I have ever said anything, "turn around and open your eyes."


Silent tears began to fall from his face as his body heaved. "T--t--that's
what y--y--you always s--s--say, and t--t--then you l--l--leave, because I
p--p--pushed you away!"


Connor was bawling now, and I squeezed him even tighter. "Connor, please
just turn around, I promise I am not going anywhere. While you might have
pushed me away, I never really left."


Between sobs, Connor slowly turned around in his bed, his eyes still
closed. Once he was facing me, he slowly opened his eyes, and he gasped. He
abruptly wrapped me in a vice grip, holding on for dear life as he
convulsed with tears. We stayed like that for an eternity. I simply held
Connor as his emotions laid waste to his body, and soon enough he cried
himself to exhaustion.


I let him catch his breath before speaking. "Connor, hey, I didn't mean to
startle you or cause you any distress, I just needed to feel you in my arms
again."


"I can't believe you're actually here. You're really really here. I
just..., this is a dream come true."


"Of course I'm here. While I might have had my doubts, I don't think I ever
could have left without seeing you again, and when you parents reached out
saying that you needed help, well, there was no other option but to run to
you."


Connor looked me in the eyes for the first time that day, and they were
even more handsome than I remembered. "I am so sorry. I--, everything that
happened, it was just so out of control. I thought I--", he began to choke
up, "I thought I was strong enough, that my love for you was strong enough,
but it wasn't, because I'm a stupid, weak, pitiful excuse of a boyfriend
that is undeserving of love!"


"Hey hey hey hey hey, you were terrified, alone, and above all
vulnerable. Add in a mom who didn't accept you, and no one can blame you
for your actions. I know I certainly don't. You are absolutely deserving of
my love, because you are my entire world, Connor, and I will never, ever
leave you."


Connor began to cry again, but this time they were tears of joy. "Y--y--you
really m--m--mean that?"


"I do. Even if I have to tell you every day, every hour, and every minute
of our time together, I will, because I could love no one else as much as I
love you."


"But not every second, that would be asking too much?", Connor laughed
while wiping the tears from his eyes.


His laugh hadn't lost any of its infectiousness. "Every second if I have
to, Connor."


"But then we won't have any time for anything else, right?"


"Oh, I don't know about that, because I'm thinking about spending the rest
of my life with you."


At those words, Connor climbed on top of me, leaned down, and kissed me,
and this kiss was the first kiss of the rest of my life.


**************************************************************************


10 YEARS LATER


There were many paths before us, but for some reason, it seemed easier this
time to pick the ones least traveled. It didn't take that long to find the
most out-of-the-way winding trail, and we began our journey into the
mountainside. As expected, this trail happened to have many offshoots, but
selecting the least used and most secluded routes must have been much
faster the second time around, as our little trio soon found ourselves
completely alone.

We had once again been transported to an ethereal world of natural
beauty. The familiar scent of pine mixed with the sounds of the birds and
the streams and the brooks lulled Connor and me into a nostalgic sense of
contentment and security. We walked hand in hand, trying to soak up as much
tranquility as we could as we swung our bundle of joy between the two of us

After what felt like an eternity of peace, we found ourselves at what still
felt like the most isolated place in all the world. There was a somewhat
less sizable ledge that jutted out from the side of the mountain where an
old boulder weathered smaller had been laid to rest, on top of which we
could see the entirety of the mountain range. Above us, the sky was still a
painted masterpiece, and at that moment we knew we had found the right
spot.


Braden was the first one to break the silence. "Dad, so this is what you
meant when you said that Banff was the most beautiful place in all the
earth."


I smiled at our child, almost 13 years old now. "Yes Brady, this is what I
and your Dad have been telling you about ever since you came into our
lives."


Connor couldn't help but grin that mischievous smile I had memorized so
long ago. "This is actually the exact spot where your Dad and I had our
first fight, if I remember correctly."  "Wow, yeah Connor, you're right,
but I would hardly call it a fight. It was more of an argument that was
easily resolved, a misunderstanding really."


Connor giggled. "I don't know, you were pretty worked up..."


"I was not!", I said while playfully hitting him.


"You absolutely were!", Connor responded, wrapping me in a quick hug.


"Come to think of it", Braden interjected, "I don't think I've ever heard
the full story of how you two met. I mean, I know it happened here in
Canada, that's why I have been begging to go for forever, but it's been a
story you've kind of left out on, Dad."


I looked first at Connor, and then at Braden with nothing but pure love in
my eyes. "Yeah, it was a story your father and I were holding off on until
you were older, but seeing as we are back at where it all began, it's not a
bad idea I guess."


"We should tell him", Connor added, "and by we, I mean you, because you
always know how to tell the best stories."


"Well, that settles it! Who's ready to hear a marching band story?"


**************************************************************************
Hello readers,


Wow, I cannot believe that this story, my first story, which took me over a
year and a half to write, is finished.


I would first and foremost like to thank all of my readers for the
continuous support I have received. There were so many times at which I
wanted to stop writing as my life became unbelievably busy, but it was you
all that kept me motivated to finish this story. I am eternally grateful to
all of you. Your unconditional kindness towards and unending praise for my
writing have changed the very course of my life. Never did I think that I
would be receiving such positive feedback on my writing.


As I have hinted at before, writing this story has almost been an act of
self-therapy for me. It has allowed me to process and work through emotions
I never knew I had, and it allowed me to articulate thoughts and ideas in a
way that I didn't know I needed. The fact that I was able to share this
journey with all of you is so incredibly special, and I hope you were able
to have gained something out of it just as much as I have.


At this point, I do not know if I will continue to write. This project has
been such an insanely important part of my life, it's hard to envision what
it could be like without writing. If I do end up writing another story,
rest assured you will be the first to know.

If you enjoyed this chapter or have any questions or general comments, feel
free to reach out at jakewindigo@gmail.com, I love hearing from readers!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart,

Jacob Windigo