Date: Sat, 2 Jun 2001 15:41:29 -0400
From: sequoyahs-place@home.com
Subject: ASP-53

		     A Special Place--Part Fifty-three

				 Warning!

     The usual warning applies: This story contains sexually-explicit,
erotic events involving alternative sexualities. Do not read the contents
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				Disclaimer
  This is a work of fiction, any coincidence is just that, a coincidence.

			 Copyright Notice Reminder

This story is copyright by the author and the author retains all rights.
You may distribute, copy, or print this story however you like, PROVIDED
this copyright notice remains intact and you do not change the story in any
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			    Additional Posting

A Special Place is also being posted at http://go.to/gaywritersguild. Check
it out.  A website from which the real music from the concert--and
"More"--can be downloaded is located at http://aspecialplace.50megs.com/.

Thanks to J., there is now a Yahoo group devoted to A Special Place. You
can reach it at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Sequoyahs_Place .

				 Thoughts

The Yahoo group has been very busy, very exciting and most informative.
Some bits of unpleasantness, but we are all human. Because of it, several
people are helping each other with their ongoing life struggles--an
internet Fellowship, if you will! This pleases me very much!

Although I read all the posting to the Yahoo group and occasionally make
one myself, I still welcome mail at sequoyahs-place@home.com.

This part is dedicated D., the youngest--to my knowledge--ASP fan who gives
us reason to hope for the future and who has had him personhood confirmed
in a very concrete way.Congratulations D!

And, as always and eternally, thanks to the "sons of Oz" who continue to
give me much pleasure from many happy memories and with an apology to S for
having to endure the screw-up by Sequoyah. Peace my sons!

Sequoyah

A Special Place--Part Fifty-three--Matt

I was very anxious about the family dinner with Luke present. I didn't know
what to expect and would never have suspected what actually happened. First
there was Michael's chest when he was told to remove his shirt. Just above
each nipple there was a wound which, while closed, was obviously
recent. Dad had told me about the sun dance and I could see that the wounds
on Michael's chest could have been from being pierced at a sun dance, but I
was amazed when Red Hawk and Taequo told us what had happened. The
statement that more than the relationship was involved in what was going
on, I would follow those instructions.

After dinner, people just sorta sat around talking. I looked at Luke and
saw he was looking at me. I smiled and, as I did, he pushed Red Hawk's
instructions a bit when he mouthed, but did not speak, the words, "I love
you". My heart skipped a beat and I smiled big time and mouthed back, "I
love you too". Luke then got up and walked out the door after telling his
mom and dad he was walking home. When he left, Taequo excused himself and
said he was going to sleep at the falls. Mom gave him a sleeping bag and he
was leaving when Red Hawk stirred, raised up and said, "I'm going with
you". When Mom offered him a sleeping bag, he told her he didn't need it
and followed Taequo out of the door.

Michael and Mary Kathryn left as soon as dinner was over and I went
upstairs to my room.

I had been upstairs for a while when both Mom and Dad came up. That was
unusual, but very welcome. Dad sat on the bed with me and Mom sat on my
desk chair. They were barely seated when I asked, "Dad, can you tell me
what is going on?"

"Matt, I am a scientist and I find it difficult to accept what can't be
demonstrated in the lab. Nevertheless, I am also Lakota and know that much
of what I have seen and experienced cannot be demonstrated or explained in
scientific terms. It is mysterious and will remain so. Does that mean one
world is real and another unreal? I think not. I think it is all one world,
there is just much of it we have forgotten about or pretend isn't
there. There are places which, for whatever reason, are sacred, where there
seems to be some kind of power node. The falls is one of them. I have known
that from the first time I saw them. The rest of the family did too, it's
just that our language and sense of the power is different. They have
always seen the falls as a place of healing and restoration which is just
another way to say they are a sacred place."

"There are also people who seem to have special power. Maybe everyone has
the potential and some develop it and others do not. I don't know. I do
know that in my Lakota heritage there have always been medicine men,
powerful men, who seem to live with one foot in the ordinary world and the
other foot in a mysterious world that most of us cannot see and do not
understand. Red Hawk and Taequo are both such, men with the power to
struggle with the bad things in that mysterious world and who are agents of
the good things in this world. Obviously, Michael is also. It is very
strange to me that Michael--who actually knows very little of the Lakota
tradition and culture--has been chosen to be a medicine man. Red Hawk
thinks both he and Luke received power from you. Red Hawk says your Korean
heritage is responsible. He tells me that the blending of two shamanistic
forces is almost beyond his comprehension."

"Add to that mix--and if your mind can begin to grasp it--the fact that the
power of the three of you is in some way linked. Together in harmony you
are unbelievably powerful but, without the link, your power becomes weak
and capable of great harm--you might even say evil. That's why this weekend
is important. Sure, we all love you and Luke and the break in your
relationship is painful to all of us, but that break involves more than a
lovers' quarrel. There is more, much more involved."

Before I drifted off to sleep, I thought, "All I really wanted was a simple
life for me and Luke. Just a simple life of loving Luke and being loved by
him."

Somewhere in the back of my mind a small voice said, "Tough tittie!".


A Special Place--Part Fifty-three--Luke

After my talk with John, I felt much better but I was still in no shape to
face Matt and I knew it, but I guess in-shape or not, I was about to do
so. When we arrived at the Greywolfs', Matt was nowhere to be seen but came
down shortly. When he did, we avoided looking at each other, although I
wanted to look at him. I wanted to see my Dark Angel and tell him how sorry
I was, and what I had really done, and beg his forgiveness, but it was
forbidden.

Dinner started with a very dramatic twist when Red Hawk had Michael reveal
his piercing. I knew a little bit of what this was about, but not a great
deal. I did realize, again, Michael had suffered in an effort to save
me--from what I wasn't sure. While I didn't know what was really going on,
I was in awe at all Red Hawk and Taequo said, and at the presentation of
the shirt. I knew something very important and special was happening.

Shortly after we started eating, I was looking at Matt when he looked
up. As our eyes met, we both gave the other a weak smile and quickly
glanced away. Later when our eyes met, we both looked long and deep into
the windows of the soul of the one we loved. As I looked into his eyes,
there was no doubt that Matt loved me and I knew he also saw my love for
him in my eyes. Now we just had to get the past behind us.

As soon as possible after dinner, I left and walked home alone. The moon
was just waning from the full and the night was very bright. As I walked, I
tried to think of the importance of what I had seen and heard, but my heart
and mind were filled with Matt. My Sarang Hanun Pomul had looked at me with
pure love in his eyes--nothing but love. In the night I felt Matt's love
surrounding me, protecting me, and I was closer to being happy than I had
been since I read only part of that damned letter. In fact, I was
happy. Oh, there were still nagging doubts and I knew that Matt and I had
to really repair our relationship, but it was going to happen. I laughed
when I remembered the conditions under which Red Hawk said we were to spend
Sunday afternoon. We had been separated for five weeks and had to make up
after a serious misunderstanding and betrayal of our promise, but I knew
that wise old Indian was aware we'd by-pass everything and go gangbusters
for sex. After all, he had been eighteen once, "but it was just after dirt
was invented," I laughed to myself. But he knew, he knew. So he gave very
strict ground rules.

When I got home, I undressed and slipped into bed and fell asleep without
drugs, and slept without nightmares.

Sunday morning Mom woke me before dawn and she, Dad, Mary Kathryn and I
walked to the falls. All of the Family arrived about the same time and
joined Red Hawk and Taequo atop Lookout Rock. Soon Greywolf, Taequo and Red
Hawk were chanting in languages I didn't know but, somehow or other,
understood. I mean I didn't understand the words, but the spirit was very
clear, they were greeting the new day. As the sun appeared, all of us stood
with our arms upraised as each greeted the new day in his own way. From the
core of my being, I knew it was a new day in more ways than one. When we
finished, Red Hawk turned to me and Matt--we were standing side by side,
and said, "You two seem to be doing very well. You are on the road to
healing. After church, you will spend time together. As I told you last
night, speaking without words then you may speak to each other, but only on
the condition that one speaks and the other listens. You know the
boundaries. I will speak with you at sundown. Meet me here."

When he finished, the three families went home to prepare for church.

When I walked into St. Mary's, I was surprised to see Michael, Taequo and
Red Hawk dressed in their ribbon shirts. Needless to say, I wasn't the only
one surprised. The three created quite a stir. It was strange, as well, to
see Matt sitting with his Mom and Dad and not at the organ. When Millie
started the prelude, I could understand why Matt was so good. Millie hadn't
lost her touch at all.

I don't know what Fr. Tom knew about what was going on but, whether he knew
everything or nothing, he couldn't have done better. The Gospel appointed
for the day was "Love your neighbor as yourself" and the story of the Good
Samaritan. Both parts really hit home because the first part--neighbor
love--took a different tack from what I expected, because Fr. Tom talked
about the necessity of loving yourself. I had always been told that was
wrong and conceited, but it made sense. I know, because I was still not
loving myself and it sure was playing hell with loving Matt and everyone
else. Then he talked about doing for those you might not really like and
just doing for others in general. I guess I suddenly saw whatever it was
Matt, Michael and I were involved in meant that we were, somehow or other,
to care for others.

As we were leaving church, I told Matt I would come by about 1:00 and we
would spend the afternoon together as Red Hawk had said. He smiled and
said, "I can remember when you didn't have to be told to spend time with
me!" and laughed.

Since there had been a family dinner the night before and there would be a
family breakfast Monday, there was no usual Sunday dinner. I was kinda
relieved. When we got home, we had dinner and actually talked about the
sermon, something we seldom did. I was very interested in Mary Kathryn's
comments. She didn't have to say that she had a change of heart about being
a priest's wife. She just talked about how much being a part of the
ceremony Saturday had meant to her and how she felt that she and Michael
were a team. "I'm not sure the name of the team or the game we're in, but
it's important and I find it exciting. And when I am involved, I forget
about Mary Kathryn. No, I feel very much Mary Kathryn and not the selfish
little snit I am too often." Amazing.


A Special Place--Part Fifty-three--Matt

Sometime in the night, I woke up and saw the bright moonlight pouring
through my window. I started just to stay in bed--I was wide awake--but
then decided to get up. I pulled on shorts and a shirt and climbed down the
trellis. I wasn't sure where I was headed, but the moonlight was too good
to waste. I didn't want to go to the falls where Red Hawk and Taequo were
sleeping and I didn't think it wise to go to Luke's. Finally, I walked down
the road toward Michael's. When I reached his place, I walked to the side
of the house below his room and tossed small stones at his window until he
finally heard me. He stuck his head out of his window, waved, and soon came
down.

"I don't know why I am here," I said, "but I didn't want to waste the
moonlight. Care to go for a walk?" Michael nodded and we started walking
down the road, away from the families' homes. "Michael, can you tell me
what is going on?"

"Matt, I'm not sure. All I really know is that strange things happened in
the sweat lodge and, somehow or other, I am to help you and Luke heal your
relationship. Red Hawk says you and Luke saved my life, now I am to save
yours. I didn't think he meant it literally but, after I thought about
Luke's second suicide attempt, I'm not sure. It's all very weird, but I
have a very strange feeling that we are part of something that is
important. Mary Kathryn feels the same way. What a change in a woman! I
loved her to death before, but I am really in love with the new Mary
Kathryn. She is so grown-up and powerful. Matt, I feel that you, Luke and I
are linked in some way and that Mary Kathryn and I are a team. I mean, we
are really together and I love it. I feel like a part of me that was
missing is in place. Do you know what I mean?"

"I think so. It's how I felt when Luke and I had sex the first time. I felt
we made each other whole."

"I guess I got cheated on that score," Michael laughed. "But the time will
come!"

We walked in the moonlight for another half hour or so, just generally
talking about our Larsens and then what next year would be like when the
four of us would be separated. We had turned around and, when we reached
his house, Michael said, "Matt, I have great hopes for the sweat Monday
morning, but I am also frightened about what might happen. It's some
experience." We said goodnight and went our separate ways. When I was in
bed again, I wondered just what might happen in the lodge.

Sunday morning, the ceremony greeting the new day was very moving. I felt
with all my heart I was truly greeting a new day with new hopes. I came
away from St. Mary's with much the same feeling. For the first time in ages
I not only listened to the sermon, but felt that Fr. Tom had directed it
all to me. I was still thinking about it at 1:00 when Luke walked in.

It was all I could do not to grab him and smother him with kisses. He was
so beautiful, so handsome, so Luke, and I knew I loved him more every day I
lived. He just smiled and said, "Sarang Hanun Pomul, we have a date".

We walked, hand in hand, to the falls. Red Hawk and Taequo were there
gathering wood for the fire which would be started tonight in order that
the stones for the sweat would be ready. When we walked up, Taequo said,
"Seems you two are getting along pretty well. Michael will be here shortly
so we can teach him the ceremony. Red Hawk and I walked down the river and
found a spot where the willows hang over the river on one side and make a
very private place on the bank. It's a beautiful spot, all covered with
moss. Red Hawk says it is also a power place. Maybe you two would like to
go there."

Luke had a wicked grin on his face when he said, "We know it well. It's a
great place for making love."

"Well, remember what you are to do and what you are not to do and eating
and love making are at the head of the 'don't do' list," Red Hawk
laughed. "At least until after the sweat."

Luke and I left Red Hawk and Taequo and walked to the spot where we had
made such beautiful love. As we walked through the willow branches to the
special place, Luke became very quiet and still. Finally he said, "It seems
so long ago and far away, Matt". I knew what he meant.

We sat down on the mossy bank "Indian" style, our knees touching and
holding hands, just looking into each other's eyes for the longest
time. Then I said, "Luke, I'd like to speak first, if that's ok". Luke
nodded. "Before I get into anything else, I want to tell you what I think I
discovered yesterday." I told Luke about going to the river and what I
thought I had discovered about him. "That explains a great deal of what
happened when you read part of my e-mail. I guess I thought you'd just be
cool Luke and let it go, not realizing that you wouldn't read it all. But,
even at that, I should have known better. I should have known that you feel
things much deeper than I thought. I haven't been paying attention to you
and your emotions the way I should and for that I am sorry." I talked at
length about what I felt I had learned at Sewanee--I mean about
relationships and the proper place of sex in our lives. "Luke, I never want
us to reach the point where what we are about is sex. Don't get me wrong,
Babe, sex is a part of it or will be when we get things squared away." I
talked a while longer, but I suspect said very little. I concluded by
saying, "Luke, I feel responsible for what happened to you. I never should
have taken the impersonal e-mail route to tell you things which are
important. Forgive me for that, please." I then fell silent.

"Matt, you have done nothing to forgive, but if you in any way feel
responsible for my being a fool then, please, accept my forgiveness." Luke
was silent and then gave a great sigh and started talking. He told me, in
great detail, all that had happened. "Matt, I did two things for which I am
so ashamed. First, I didn't trust you. I know that if there cannot be trust
between us, we may as well break up now. But that's not what made me do
what I did. I intentionally set out to hurt you, to hurt you as deeply as I
could. I was seeking revenge for what I thought you had done. I set out to
do what we pledged we would never do--intentionally hurt the other. Then
when I realized you had done nothing and I had wanted to hurt you, all I
saw was a life without you and, while I promise I will never attempt to
take my life again, life--my life--would not be worth living without you. I
thought I had lost you forever because of what I had done and that was more
than I could bear."

After Luke had finished, we talked--and I mean really talked--about our
love and our lives, each listening intently while the other spoke, then
speaking while the other listened. Finally, because we both knew where it
would end unless we were careful, we stretched out on the moss, holding
hands and looking into each other's eyes, saying nothing. Then it was time
to go and I said, "Yonghon Tongmu, I think our relationship is healed and
we are in better shape than we were before all this mess happened".

"I think maybe you are right. I am sure our relationship is deeper, our
love is deeper," Luke said, "but I have an uneasy feeling. It's as if the
whole pile of shit is covered up but still there maybe. I don't feel that
we're finished. I guess I feel there should be some way we could really
know we have put the past behind us. If we had not been told otherwise, I
think I would make mad passionate love to you and would know it's done and
over with. I don't know."

"I guess, if I really looked, I'd see the same thing," I said, "but maybe
that's what the sweat's about. God, Luke, I want to kiss you so bad I could
die."

"So do I," Luke said, "but..."

"Yes, but..." As I spoke, I heard Red Hawk call from the falls. Luke and I
got up and walked back up the river where we sat and listened as Red Hawk
talked about the sweat. I had heard most of it from Dad several times, but
this was different. This was not just telling us about the Lakota practice,
but telling us about ourselves.

While Red Hawk talked to us, Taequo had started the fire and kept adding
fuel to it. By the time Red Hawk had finished, there was a bed of red coals
ready for the stones which Luke and I helped place in the fire pit. It was
only then that I saw Michael and Mary Kathryn sitting atop Lookout Rock,
watching the sunset. "Red Hawk, would it be ok for Luke and me to join
Michael and Mary Kathryn?"

"Sure. Would be good. Would also be good if you slept here
tonight--apart. Michael, Mary Kathryn, Taequo and I will sleep here. Maybe
Greywolf as well. There are blankets here already."

Luke and I joined the two on Lookout Rock and sat, holding hands, as the
sunset grew more and more beautiful. When it was finally dark, the four of
us walked down the path to the bottom of the falls where we all rolled
ourselves in blankets and the falls' lullaby soon sang us to sleep.


A Special Place--Part Fifty-three--Luke

I thought I was dreaming when I saw a dark shadow bending over me in the
faint light from the fire pit. I thought I saw a blond Indian. It had to be
a dream. Then I realized it was Michael. It was dark except for the glow
from the fire pit and it took my eyes a long time to adjust so I could see
anything beyond Michael leaning over me. When I sat up, he said, "Luke,
Matt,"--I looked over and saw Matt was also sitting up, but not fully
awake--"it's time to wash in the river before we start the sweat". I
realized that the reason I thought he was a blond Indian was because he was
dressed as a Lakota warrior. I crawled out of the blanket and stood, naked
in the darkness. Matt did the same. We followed Michael to the falls' basin
where Michael undressed. Taequo, Red Hawk and Greywolf had been joined by
David and Mary Kathryn at the water's edge. All, I could see--even in the
darkness--were naked.

Red Hawk led the way as he dived into the water. The river by this time was
warm on a sunny day, but the water was pretty chilly on an early summer's
morning. We swam for a short time and Mary Kathryn got out of the water,
dried herself and got dressed, as did David and Greywolf. Michael was
drying himself when he said, "No need to get dressed. For that matter,
there's no real reason to dry yourselves, but I'm chilly. Your choice."
Both Matt and I took a towel from Greywolf and rubbed ourselves vigorously,
as much to get warm as to get dry.

As we dried ourselves, Matt and I watched as Mary Kathryn did the opening
ceremony for the sweat lodge. As soon as it was finished, she nodded to
Michael and left. Michael took the peace pipe from its stand, made the
offering of the pipe and then, as David held the flap open, led us into the
lodge.

As soon as we were inside. David closed the flap and while I thought it had
been dark outside, I don't think I had ever known darkness like that inside
the lodge--except when I was in the hospital, in a coma. I felt the lodge
growing smaller and darker and thought about leaving. Red Hawk said some
people couldn't tolerate the darkness and confinement of the sweat lodge
and if it was too much, we should just leave. But I was determined not to
fail this time, even though I felt like running.

After we had sat for what seemed like hours, Michael struck the lodge flap
with a short stick. David opened it and Michael said, "Bring in the
stones". Greywolf came to the opening with a huge stone, red hot. It lit up
the inside of the lodge. Michael greeted the stone as "Friend" and Greywolf
placed it in the pit. He then brought three more large glowing stones. As
they lay in the pit, I could see all sorts of images dancing on their
surface. All were men--or women--wearing animal masks. Each seemed to have
some connection to me, but I was not sure what. As I puzzled over that,
Michael reminded us of the purpose of the first endurance--the endurance of
the west--calling for spirit guides. As he finished, he poured four dippers
of water on the glowing stones and the lodge was soon filled with steam and
becoming very warm.

Michael started chanting prayers to the Great Spirit and all the spirit
guides, including our relatives who were now spirits. When he finished, he
asked that we introduce ourselves and express our appreciation for being
present. As all the others, I introduced myself, "Oh spirits that come
among us within this womb of our Mother, I am Luke and I am pleased to be
here. Hetch etu." When I had finished, I sensed a presence in the lodge
with me--I mean a new presence, but I couldn't identify it, try as hard as
I could. The heat and the darkness of the lodge were all the world I knew
and time seemed to stand still. At some point, someone was blowing a
whistle. I don't know how long we had sat in silence before Michael tapped
the flap and David opened it. The cool morning air rushed in, sweet and
very welcome.

While David held the flap open, Greywolf brought in two larger stones which
were bright red they were so hot. As soon as they were in place, the flap
was closed and the endurance of the north--the endurance for endurance,
strength, courage, moral cleanliness and honesty--began. Michael appealed
to the spirit and power of the north to give these things to us as he
started pouring water over the glowing stones. The lodge filled with steam
and the heat increased as Michael said, "Our lives will be made straight
and kept straight by endurance, strength, courage and purity--moral
cleanliness and purity". Red Hawk beat the drum slowly as Taequo blew the
eagle bone whistle. How I longed for the qualities of which Michael had
spoken! I wanted the courage to face life, the strength to go through life
without the weakness I had shown when I attempted to take my life. I longed
to be pure and to know I was pure and honest! I stared at the glowing
images dancing on the surface of the stones and they seemed to be telling
the story of my weakness and my betrayal of Matt and my failure to trust
him. As the story danced across the face of the stones, the drum and
whistle continued and my sense of being unclean and unworthy seemed to be
burning away.

Michael had poured dipper after dipper of water on the stones and yet they
seemed as red and hot as before. The lodge was becoming completely filled
with steam. I could hardly breathe because of it and the heat. I was
sweating profusely and that, too, seemed to be purifying me. I was becoming
light-headed when Michael passed around sprigs of sage and said, "Chew on
this, the herb of healing and fortifying which can help overcome the bad
things of the world". As we chewed on the sprigs of sage, Michael prayed,
"Oh powers of the universe, we take this herb to become strong and healthy
to endure".

>From Michael's account of his experience, I thought I knew what to expect,
but what happened was very different. Suddenly I had an overwhelming sense
of evil, of hurt, of pain, of bad spirits. The hurt and pain were not mine,
but the hurt and pain I had caused. The bad spirits, I sensed, were those
that my actions had given strength and had loosened on the world. I felt
tears running down my face. I found myself filled with self-pity and, at
the same time, self-loathing. Then I remembered what Michael had said of
his experience. I had been focusing on myself, but this endurance was for
purity and courage, courage to face what I had been and courage to put it
behind me and focus on others. I was struggling with my soul when Michael
handed me and Matt another sprig of sage. He then poured more water on the
stones and used a large bird's wing to fan the steam around the lodge.

I don't know how long it was--time again stood still--before the steam,
heat, silence and darkness of the lodge seemed ordinary. When it did,
Michael tapped the flap and David opened it, and once again the cool air
rushed in just as Greywolf brought in another stone and then another and
another and another. He handed Michael a new pail filled with water. The
flap was closed and the endurance seeking knowledge began. The new stones
were so hot, I could make out those in the lodge with me. Matt's eyes met
mine and I seemed to sense his spirit join mine. We were united in
spirit. "This endurance marks the beginning of prayer for individuals,"
Michael said as he started pouring water over the stones. I stared at them
as the water hit their surfaces and immediately burst into steam. The lodge
became even more steam-filled and hotter than it had been. Taequo started
blowing the whistle and then Red Hawk started beating the drum. The steam
grew thicker until I could hardly see the glowing stones before me. The
drum and whistle seemed to become a part of me, inside my very being, as
Michael said, "Pray for what you want out of life, pray for the ones you
love, pray for anything you wish". He had instructed us to end our prayers
in the same way as we had ended our introductions.

I was first and I began by praying that I would be the person I knew I
could be, that I would be a true soulmate to Matt and that my love would
grow stronger every moment I lived. I then prayed for Matt and all the
Fellowship, for the Family and my family, for Douglas and Janet, for Millie
and Chelsea and Gladys and John and Uncle Michael. I even prayed for
Rich--that he would be healed and forgiven. I prayed especially for Michael
and Mary Kathryn and their life together and then, again, I prayed for Matt
and myself and our journey together. When I finished, I'm afraid I was very
absorbed in thinking about that great cloud of people who surrounded me
with their love and didn't hear what others prayed. I did, however, hear
Matt's final prayer, "I pray that Luke Hans Larsen will always be my
Yonghon Tongmu and I his until we are parted by death and then in the
spirit world". I wept.

When Michael had finished his prayers, we sat in silence again for a long
time. The heat and steam were almost unbearable when Michael called out and
David raised the flap and Greywolf handed Michael a new pail of
water. Michael took a dipper of water and poured it over his head and then
handed each of us a dipper and we did the same. While the flap was still
open, Greywolf brought in four stones, the largest yet, and placed them in
the pit. "This is the last endurance," Michael said, "the endurance of the
south, the endurance of healing. As the warm winds of the south bring new
life to the earth, so may this endurance bring new life to each of us."
When he finished, he started pouring water over the stones and, as he did,
Red Hawk and Taequo began chanting softy. Over their chanting, Michael
cried out in a loud voice, "Oh Great Spirit, we pray that we might be
healed--especially Matthew Sarang Hanun Pomul Greywolf and Luke Hans
Yonghon Tongmu Larsen--that we might be healed. Hetch etu!"

The heat and steam were more intense than they had been, yet Michael poured
more water on the stones. I felt myself growing faint and suddenly I was no
longer in the lodge. I didn't recognize the place, but it was a grassy
meadow, filled with blooming flowers. There was a gentle, warm south wind
blowing and Matt and I were walking across the meadow, hand in hand,
laughing, his hair flowing in the breeze. We wore nothing except loin
cloths and I had a sense of never having been so alive. I looked at Matt
and knew he felt the same. His eyes were laughing and his spirit, as mine,
soared. Walking with us was a coyote and flying over our heads were a great
golden eagle and a red hawk, all as full of life as we were.

I don't know how long the vision lasted--and it was a vision, not some
empty daydream--but when I returned to the lodge, Michael was lighting the
peace pipe. When it was lit, he took a draw on it, exhaled and passed it to
Matt. When the pipe had been passed around, Michael replaced it on the
stand and we all joined hands. As we sat with joined hands, Michael said,
"God watches over us wherever we are; the Great Spirit is with us. Hetch
etu!" He then tapped the flap of the lodge and David opened it and we
followed Michael out. When we were outside, we all immediately dived into
the falls' basin. The cool water never felt so good!

We swam for a few minutes, then got out. As we did, Michael pointed to the
sky where the first fingers of the dawn had appeared. Silently, all seven
of us walked to Lookout Rock and stood watching, still silent, as the east
brightened. As the sky grew bright, Matt reached out and took my hand just
as the sun first appeared above the horizon. I turned and looked into his
eyes and knew that this was, indeed, a new dawn for us. When I looked up, I
saw Red Hawk smiling at us and he nodded. I didn't need any mystic powers
to know what that nod meant. I took Matt in my arms for the first time in
weeks and held him close as he wrapped his arms around me. We stood,
looking into each other's eyes as our lips drew closer and then touched in
a soft, gentle, loving kiss. I had my Matt back and I was whole,
complete. Life was wonderful. As we broke our kiss, I saw in Matt's eyes
confirmation of my feeling that life was wonderful.

"Well, I guess we can say we had a good sweat, Michael," Red Hawk said. "I
think you are something special. I don't know another sixteen-year-old who
has held a sweat."

"I sure don't know one who had someone of Red Hawk's standing in a sweat he
was conducting, that's for sure," Taequo added.

"Well, we can talk about it over breakfast. This old Indian is starved,"
Red Hawk said. "David, it's ok for you to hug your son and let him know you
are about to bust a gut with pride. I'm about in the same situation except
he's not mine! Well, not all mine."

David didn't need a second invitation as he grabbed Michael in a great bear
hug. "I am proud of you son. Always have been, but never more than right
now. I only wish Elizabeth could have lived to see you."

"She sees," Michael said, as matter-of-factly as he would have said, "Looks
like a nice day".

Breakfast was, again, a whole-family affair and everyone was interested in
what had happened during the sweat. "Don't think it was as dramatic as
Michael's," Matt said. "But things happened, things got changed. Don't ask
me how, but they did. I have never felt so alive and I know my and Luke's
relationship is better than ever. And while I didn't meet my guardian
spirit, I certainly had a vision. I mean a real vision, not a dream or
daydream or imaging, but a vision." Matt then told how he became very faint
and, just when he thought he was passing out, he found himself in another
world--at least another place--and described my vision perfectly.

When he finished, Taequo laughed, "Luke, close your mouth or you'll catch
flies. Why would you not expect you and Matt to have the same vision? You
did, didn't you?" I just nodded, but did manage to close my mouth.

"Luke, Matt, you're right, your guardian spirits didn't show up. I didn't
expect them to. That's not the way it usually happens. In fact, in all my
years, Michael is the only one I have known for whom it happened. You'll
have to do a vision quest. Besides, you two had created such a great pile
of shi... crap, getting rid of it was a pretty big job for a sweat. But it
happened. Right?"

"Right," Matt and I answered together.

"Well, some of us have to work for a living when we're not rescuing
lovers. Chris and Al split up and did my runs for me and I am to meet them
this morning. I don't suppose I could prevail upon Michael and Mary Kathryn
to run me to Lexington to meet up with them could I?"

Michael got a huge grin on his face and then looked at Margaret and David,
both of whom were smiling big time as they nodded. He and Mary Kathryn
jumped up, ready to go, and Taequo stood, making his goodbyes, when Red
Hawk said, "Taequo, you'll be needed in North Dakota in two or three weeks,
I suspect. I think I have an eagle feather I have been saving to be added
to yours." Taequo hugged the ancient Indian and said, "Just give me the
word," as he left.


A Special Place--Part Fifty-three--Matt

After breakfast, David and Margaret left to get ready to go to work, as did
Jens and Gabrielle. Before they left, Jens and Gabrielle hugged me, then
Luke. As Jens held his son, his eyes filled with tears and he hugged him
tightly, and each time he started to let him go, hugged him again. Finally
he said, "Luke, I love you, son. I am so happy you are with us," as he
turned to leave.

While Luke and I cleared the table, Mom poured three cups of coffee and she
and Dad sat with Red Hawk at the kitchen table, talking. They seemed to
have forgotten Luke and I were still around, and we weren't for long.

Luke and I went back to the spot below the falls and sat and talked--just
talked--for a couple hours. We talked about what had happened in the sweat
lodge--neither of us was sure what, but we were sure that the past was the
past and we were more in love and closer than we had ever been. Luke talked
about his second suicide attempt saying that, while he had never thought he
would consider another attempt after he first, he had just been
overwhelmed. For the first time he told me that he had had thoughts about
it since the first attempt. "I can't explain it, Matt. I know I
had--have--every reason in the world to be happy beyond belief, but there
are times when something kinda triggers thoughts inside and my world
becomes bleak and dark. I don't expect you to understand--I don't--but I
know that it may happen again and, please, keep an eye out for times when I
just don't seem me and let me know it. Love me and if necessary, do
something, even if I say I don't want you to."

I promised Luke I would, and reminded him that I thought I had a deeper
understanding of him than I did before. "I know there are depths in you
that I have to be very sensitive to if I am to understand you, and I want
to more than anything. Maybe not now, since we have only a month left
before we leave but, when we are settled, maybe we both need to look into
counselling if you are willing."

"I think it would be a good idea even if I am not willing." Luke smiled a
real Luke smile and, for the first time in weeks, my world became bright
because Luke was very much in it.

We talked about the weeks ahead. He told me his mom had suggested he invite
Douglas and Janet to come to Ohio before school started and I told him
Woody was coming and probably would show up on a regular basis. "He says he
thinks it would be like visiting grandchildren. Luke, our world is
expanding. New friends are becoming a part of our life and it's great."
Luke agreed.

"Our world. Matt, you can't know how much those words mean to me. Our
world." We had been sitting as we had the day before--"Indian" style--and
Luke bent forward on his knees, took my head in his hands and pulled me to
him. Our lips met and his tongue brought the taste of my Luke into my
mouth, my being. I guess you would have thought that after being separated
for so long and going through what we had gone through, we would have been
consumed by lust and started having sex like the world was coming to an end
any minute, but that didn't happen.

Instead, after our kiss, we lay side by side, our arms around each other
exchanging kisses--soft, gentle, loving kisses. Of course, the kisses grew
more and more passionate and less and less gentle as our hands explored our
hard bodies. Finally, I slipped Luke's shirt over his head and he mine. As
our kissing became more passionate, our bare chests were pressed close
together until I pulled back and started kissing his chest and licking his
nipples. I found the snap on his shorts and unsnapped them, opened his
zipper down and slid the shorts off his beautiful legs.

My hands were touching Luke the way I had dreamed of when we were
separated. Again, we were exchanging passionate kisses as I reached down
and took Little Luke into my hand. When I did, Luke groaned and sucked my
tongue deep into his mouth but, as much as that thrilled me, it was not
what I wanted. I broke our kiss and moved downward, kissing and licking my
love's hard, beautiful body. I was being filled with the taste of Luke, the
most wonderful taste in the world. Reaching Little Luke, I took his head
into my mouth and tasted the pure taste of Luke in the precum covering
him. Luke groaned, "Matt, your mouth is so hot and so loving!" His fingers
were in my hair as I took more and more of Little Luke into my waiting
mouth. As I started moving up and down, sucking at the same time, Luke kept
calling my name. Even in the heat of our passion, he was calling me Sarang
Hanun Pomul. My tongue was playing with Little Luke's head as I continued
to move up and down, sucking, giving Luke all the pleasure I had been
saving for my beloved Yonghon Tongmu. Foreplay is delightful and I highly
recommend it, the more the better, but prolonged foreplay makes the play
short. I suddenly felt Luke's body stiffen as he arched his back, pushing
Little Luke deep into my mouth. "Matt, I love you sooooo!" he shouted, as
pulse after pulse convulsed his body and Little Luke filled my mouth with
the salty sweetness of my Luke, the salty sweetness I had missed so much
and loved so much.

With the last pulse, Luke relaxed completely as his fingers played in my
hair. Then, grasping my hair, he pulled my mouth to his. His tongue went
wild as he thrust it deep in my mouth, his kiss passionate. When we broke
our kiss, I lay atop Luke's body and we continued our kisses. Finally, I
lifted my head and looked deep into his eyes and saw love, Luke's love for
me. I couldn't help but say, "Luke, we almost threw this away".

Luke's eyes became sad for a moment, then brightened as he said, "But,
thanks to so many and so much, we didn't." With those words, he started
kissing my chest and nipping my nipples. I was so hot and hard I didn't
think I could last much longer when he moved down my body and took Chili
Pepper into his hot, hot mouth. Luke's mouth had, before, given me pleasure
I couldn't have imagined, but this was beyond that, far beyond it. I knew I
was whimpering as his mouth and tongue sent wave after wave of pleasure
surging through my whole being. I didn't last as long as Luke and, before I
wanted it to end, felt a bolt of electricity shoot though my body as Chili
Pepper erupted into Luke's mouth. I thought it would go on forever as shot
after shot after shot of man's seed filled Luke's mouth. As I groaned, I
stopped breathing and when the last of my seed entered Luke's mouth, I
gasped for breath. Luke lay atop me and pressed his lips to mine in a hard
kiss.

Relaxing in the afterglow of our love-making, we lay side by side, silent,
listening to the river which seemed to be laughing in its happiness for
us. I don't know how long we just lay in each other's arms, looking into
each other's eyes, but I'm sure it was much longer than it seemed. Then
Luke started kissing my eyes, running his fingers through my loose hair and
whispering, "Matt, I love you so very much. I have no life without
you. Babe, you are my very world."

I rubbed my cheek against his and said, "And you, Luke, are my world, my
reason for living and with you in my arms, I am alive. Every cell in my
body is alive." Luke continued kissing my body and I was fully aroused
again and said, "Luke, I want to feel you inside me. I want us to be united
completely." As I spoke, I reached for my shorts and took a tube from a
pocket. When I did, Luke's eyes lit up and smiled into mine, as a huge,
special Luke grin spread across his face.

There is no need to go into details about what followed except to say slow
and easy was the name of the game as Luke's fingers worked their magic,
entering me slowly, gently. His eyes never left mine as he prepared me for
what I wanted--Luke inside me. Finally I could stand it no longer and
grabbed Luke's cheeks, pulling his body to mine. I cried, "Luke, Now! I
want you now!" My wonderful, beautiful Luke slowly entered me. As he did, I
crushed my lips against his, sucking his tongue deep into my mouth as he
began, slowly, to move in and out of me, letting me know we were, again,
united. Soon, too soon, I felt Luke's manhood pulse inside me, his man's
seed filling me, making me whole. Finally, exhausted, he collapsed on me
and we lay very still, our hearts beating as one. When I looked up, I saw
tears in Luke's eyes and I was frightened. As great tears streamed down his
cheeks, I asked, "Luke, Babe, what's wrong?"

"Dark Angel, I didn't think I would ever again make love to you and we are
together, our bodies have been united and I feel such happiness that the
tears just started. Nothing is wrong, hell no! Nothing is wrong. Everything
is right. Everything is perfect because I am united with my Sarang Hanun
Pomul and we are making love!"

After a long time, Luke looked into my eyes, kissed me and said, "Matt, I
want you in me, please".

I laughed, "Babe, since when do you have to say please for me to do what I
want to do, am aching to do?"

"Just do your wonders with those fingers of yours," he laughed back. I did
as my love asked and, before long, he cried, "Now, Matt, now. I want you,
all of you now, I am ready!" I was also ready. Chili Pepper entered Luke in
one smooth, slow motion as I leaned forward and kissed the chest of my
Bright Angel. Sure, it felt great! It was sheer heaven, but that was just
part of what my uniting with Luke was. It was for me, and I was sure for
Luke, the final sealing of our being together, again, completely.

Having entered Luke fully, we lay still, united, our eyes locked, our
hearts beating together. Then slowly, very slowly, I began moving in and
out of my love. Soon Luke was urging me on, his hips rising to meet the
thrust of Chili Pepper. Our having made passionate love earlier meant we
could make love longer but, even at that, the time came when I could hold
out no longer. I pushed deep into Luke as his hands pulled my hips to
his. When my orgasm started, I was gasping for breath, barely conscious,
barely able to endure the pleasure consuming me. After I had exhausted my
supply of man's seed, I collapsed on Luke and his arms held me close,
tightly, as his mouth found mine and his tongue invaded it, bringing more
pleasure to me. We lay in that embrace until Chili Pepper slipped from
Luke.

"Luke, we may never have the variety Lucas has, but I wouldn't change all
the sex Lucas has had, and will have, for one time loving you. It's the
difference between getting my rocks off and worshipping the man I love with
my body. There is nothing they have in common, I don't care what anyone
says otherwise."

Luke looked at me, nodded, smiled and said, "Matt, when I was at the gay
club with Rich, I went to take a piss. Rich warned me that men came to the
club to get laid, but I wasn't prepared for guys fucking each other,
leaning against sinks and walls. I was almost sick. I think that I actually
wondered if our love-making was anything like their having sex and
immediately knew it wasn't. Don't get me wrong, I need sex. I like sex. I
want sex, I love sex, but not that. I want to be loved and sex is one of
the ways you love me and I love you, but it's only part of loving and
never, I hope, just having sex for sex's sake." We were silent for a while,
I guess each thinking about what we had seen in the world of gay men this
summer and what we had learned from it. Painful, much of it very painful,
but it was now a part of who we were as lovers.


A Special Place--Part Fifty-three--Luke

Matt started trying to run his fingers through my now-long hair and we both
laughed. I could easily run my fingers through Matt's long silky hair, but
there was no way his fingers were able to move the same way through my
tight curls. Suddenly, half in frustration and half in fun, he grabbed two
hands full of hair and pulled my lips to his and started kissing me as if
we hadn't been together in weeks. After we had laid in each other's arms,
still and silent, for a while, Matt said, "Luke, I'm sure we're a mess. I
think a swim is called for." We picked up our shorts and shirts and walked
up the river to the falls and dived in. After swimming for a while, we
dressed and, arm in arm, walked across the meadow to Matt's.

When we reached the house, Yong Jin, Greywolf and Red Hawk were in the
garden. Matt and I joined them and we worked until time for lunch. Matt and
I had picked a huge basket of strawberries and Yong Jin had gathered peas
and salad greens. We went inside and she said, "I'll prepare lunch while
you four talk. I think it's time." I wondered what she meant.

Greywolf poured four glasses of lemonade--tart, just the way I liked it and
we went to the den. When we were seated, he said, "Luke, Matt, the sweat
was the beginning of something, not the end. Red Hawk and I have talked at
length about what happened during the two sweats. From the looks on your
faces, I think one thing was accomplished. It's clear to me that whatever
difficulty you two had in your relationship has been overcome." Matt and I
looked at each other and grinned.

"From the looks on their faces, I'd say they both found sex satisfying,"
Red Hawk laughed. Matt and I both blushed big time. "I see I'm not wrong. I
may be an ancient Indian, but I have memories. The gray wolf told me your
love making was wonderful. Love making is always wonderful even at its
worse, but I suspect you found yours this morning the best you have ever
known. Good. But I don't want to dwell on that. Makes an old Indian wish he
were young again and that's not good 'cause he's not and not going to be."

"I certainly don't think I have to tell you that you two and Michael have a
great gift. It's one you will wish you didn't have sometimes because gifts
always carry responsibilities. You are not your own. Michael will become a
priest. I think deep inside he knows that, but it's a long time in the
future if you're sixteen. Nonetheless, he will be and he will be a great
one. Not the best liked or appreciated, but great. Your gifts will also be
great and maybe not appreciated all the time, but how they will be used is
unclear to me. Maybe in the future I'll know, but I do know they are
there. You have started one journey in the sweat, a journey Michael has
completed. His guardian spirit revealed itself to him. Yours have not."

"Now you know this old Indian will not fly--well, maybe in a vision or as a
spirit, but not on one of those planes. Matt, your dad tells me your
Fellowship will be together in a few weeks and you are all going to
Ohio. Before that happens, I would like to have the three of you come to
the Black Hills with me. You two need to make a vision quest. The gray wolf
tells me this is a good time. Luke, you'll have to check with your parents,
Matt, yours have approved already. Michael will also need to talk with his
folks. I want to instruct Michael in the ways of a medicine man while you
two do your quest. There'll be time for any instruction you need
later. Think about it."

As Red Hawk finished, the front door opened and Michael and Mary Kathryn
came in as Yong Jin called us to lunch.