# 2018 12 06: Ben
![a7c07cbaabebf5dfa2caba30bb0294cf62290c00280c8bbc30a43b49b66c4717](/blog/ben-93102973a27b.jpg)
Ben was completely focused on the game. He was leaning forward, and his mouth hung slightly open. Nothing distracted him.
You are like, really focused." I commented. "I am." He responded.
He was playing duos Rocket League - our favorite game. I was in my apartment downtown where I go to get away from my family and everything. I have also recently been coming here to privately hang out with Ben.
He is very self conscious and shy.
He was headed toward a pass from his teammate. which was completed by a straight, open view to the goal. He lined himself up, and jumped. He boosted midair, which caused him hit the ball a bit too high, The ball dropped to the ground with very little horizontal velocity and bounced once before an enemy player took the ball. "fuckin' hell," Ben exclaimed, " I can't hit the ball right.
"You have to give yourself more time in the air if you're going to boost midair." I explained. "Here, watch me."
I moved myself so I was on behind him, leaning from his right. I reached my arms around both sides of him, and took the controller. He kept his hands under mine on the sides, and pulled the controller towards his body
Ben already drove back to his team's goal before I got in control, and the other team was going for a score - so this would be easy. I lined myself up, facing straight towards the enemy with the ball. The enemy made a shot at the basket, who most likely thought I wasn't ready because of the fumbling of taking over the controller.
I pressed right button to jump. Once I was faced at a forty-five upward angle, I started to press left trigger to use my boost, and turning using the right joystick. I could feel Ben's weight as he leaned on me. I could feel his breathing. I slowly made my way to meet the ball at the highest point in its arc. I hit it just above center.
The ball flew across the field, and bounced. Ben turned his head and rubbed his face against mine. The ball was headed straight towards the goal as the two enemies scrambled to try and stop it. My boner pressed into Ben's back. The ball rolled into the goal just after I landed on then ground.
The ball exploded, sending the other three players flying backwards as the text, "CZF0ZG9T scored!" appeared in blue letters across the top of the screen and an ear-splitting horn sounded.
Ben dropped the remote on the ground and moved back so he was sitting next to me. He put his arms around me and started to kiss me on the neck. I reached down to his waist, and started to pull his shirt off. He paused from kissing me to let me pull his shirt off. I pushed him over so that I was on top of him laying down on the couch. I started to kiss his chest, starting from where his rib cage ended, and up to his collarbone while he started to pull off my shirt. I pushed myself off him to awkwardly let him pull my shirt off of me.
I started to go for his lips, I let myself down on him, I closed my eyes. I was inches from his face, I could feel his breathing in my mouth, I could hear his heartbeat in his chest. He started so struggle, and pushed me off of him. I landed on the floor really confused.
I sat up against the coffee table and regained my orientation, "What'd I do wrong?" I asked. "Don't kiss me on the lips." He commanded. "I don't like it. I'm fine with literally anything else, but do not kiss me on the lips."
"Okay," I responded, "but why?"
"I don't love you. I lust you, and no more. I'm in love with my girlfriend."
I looked right in his eyes. "Why do you still like her if you're gay?" I asked
"Because I'm heteroromantic. I don't have romantic aspirations with girls, but I also don't have sexual aspirations with girls."
"That's interesting." I said.
"Yeah," He said solemnly. He looked in my eyes and smiled, "Wanna get back at it?"