- Hehehe...I'm so damn 'bad' sometimes!

Ok, I am being really goofy right now, but I was kinda chatting with Lee online a few minutes ago, and we just got into some 'weirdness' out of the blue. It was fun though.

Anyway, he had a great time at Jamie's party and all, and we talked about maybe throwing a party of our own some time. Which I must admit, would be a really COOL idea! How awesome would that be, inviting Jamie Cross to a party that *I* was throwing, and having him in my HOUSE! Hehehe..I know it's a silly dream at best, my mom would never allow that to happen...but it's definitely something to think about, right? So...anyways..Lee asks me in the chat window if I can keep a secret and promised not to tell anybody what he was about to tell me. Now, my mind is instantly going wild with a billion 'secrets' that I'd LIKE for Lee to tell me, but didn't wanna get my hopes up. So I'm like, "Hell yeah! Tell me!" Hehehe, subtle, right?

So, he's like, "Do you know about what Joanna and Sam did on Friday night?" Awww, that's no secret!

I said, "Yeah, I kinda heard about it from Sam."

He kinda laughed, and he's like, "Dude...she described it to me, but I don't think she really enjoyed doing it." WHAT??? How can someone NOT enjoy the feel of a living, pulsing, warm, hard, penis in their mouth? I'D be in HEAVEN!!! I thought girls were supposed to be 'made' for pleasurable man-sex! If it were ME down there, Sam would have to pry my lips off of him with a fucking CROWBAR! Then Lee was like, "She said it was kinda cool at first, but then she said it got kinda 'slimy' and salty and she didn't like it any more. She only finished because he wanted her to."

I was like, "SLIMY??? What the hell is she talking about?"

And he's all, "I don't know! That's what she said. She was like...trying not to gag and stuff. And then, she told me that she got worried that it was going to be even more gross if he let go in her mouth, dude! So she says she totally pulled off at the last second and just let it fly. Hehehe, she was actually worried about it getting in her hair!"

I laughed out loud at the computer screen, and had to stop before my mom came in to see what was so funny. I was like, "Did you tell her how extremely RUDE it is to do that?" And I sent like a big, laughing smiley face graphic with tears coming out of his eyes.

So he writes back and says, "FUCK no! I'm not gonna give her dick sucking lessons! I just kinda tried to hide my smile and said, 'oh...cool'. LOL!"

I told him, "Well..I think Sam was kinda pissed at the time, but he wants to do it again." And I got this really wicked impulse, and with a smile, I typed in, "Maybe he'll let you give it a try. Just to see if you're any better at it."

There was only a few seconds pause, and he wrote back, "Hehehe, come on now, Billy...you know I'm saving all my saliva for that luscious boner of yours instead. He'll have to wait his turn."

I know, I know...I'm in enough trouble as it is. But he's just TEASING! we're playing around. No harm in that. He's CUTE, what did you want me to do? So I'm like, "All you had to do was ask me. You know you can have it any time you want it. I'm not gonna stop you."

So he says, "I don't just want that measly little thing. I want kissing and flowers and baked cookies, the whole nine, baby!"

I began to feel kinda warm inside, and it almost felt like we were really 'flirting' with each other, you know? I was constantly smiling, and that's when the weirdness kicked in. Because when I said, "You're way too cute for me to not fall for you, Lee. You know that, right? You could totally have me."

He replied..."Really? Don't tease me, k?" And there was a pause while I wondered if the strange vibe I was getting was real or not. I could feel this pressure in my chest, and...that last comment didn't really feel like, you know...a 'joke'. Then, a few seconds later, he sent a smiley face. And he's like, "Don't freak out on me, dude. I'm just kidding."

I'm like, "Yeah...I knew that." but..did I? Hehehe, I think I let myself get a little too wrapped up in the moment there. That's exactly why Lee is NOT the kind of boy that you want to play that particular game with. Because the second he calls you on your bluff, he magically turns you into this infatuated coward who's too awkward to put two words together with any kind of skill whatsoever.

Ok...that was just tonight though. I had some interesting run-ins today that were definitely worth mentioning. Beginning with Sam and Joanna. They were in the hall hugging this morning when I was on my way to class. The teachers and all only let you hug for so long in the hall before they come along and break it up like it was a fist fight or something. I guess that too much fun in a school setting just isn't allowed. I stopped to say hello, and Sam smiled at me. Not just a regular smile, but that kinda 'knowing' smile that gives you a hint on everything he's thinking. And I tried not to snicker under my breath in their presence. I couldn't look at Joanna without thinking about her chowing down on my best friends 'love pole'. Which I found made me laugh almost as much as it made me jealous. She couldn't get three words out of her mouth before I started chuckling, which started Sam right up with me. Finally, she's like, "What is SO funny?" And Sam reached out to punch me in the arm for being a dork.

So I said, "I'm out of here."

And Sam says, "You suck!"

And I giggled and told him, "No...YOU suck!" Making sure to point at Joanna first before letting my finger move over to him. And then I hurried out of there before he chased me down for that last comment. Hehehe, that's what he gets for telling me in the first place. Come on, like I'm not gonna be 'affected' by something like that. Get a clue.

I also met up with Brandon, who was all grins and giggles today. The first thing he asked me was if I had talked to Bobby yet...which kinda put a downer on things right away. I tried not to let it show, but attempting to change the subject wasn't possible. Not today. Brandon had this amazing gleam in his eye that just...broadcasted this incredibly sexy 'message' that just....sighhhh...wow. It's like...he really wanted me. I mean, I thought he was gonna lean forward and kiss me at any moment. It almost looked like he couldn't control himself, fidgeting with his hands and smiling beyond his ability to stop it. And he kept touching me whenever he could Like, just little rubs or light pinches on my side. He likes pinching my sides. He says I'm soft and mushy there. I'm like, "HEY! I'm not 'mushy'!" But he says he loves it. It makes me adorable. I tried to enjoy the moment, but then he's like...

"So...when do you think you and Bobby will be able to straighten things out? Do you think we might be able to do it again this week? What about on Saturday? I don't want my dad to get a call from the school computer about me ditching. He'll flip out." Brandon was...arrrgh...he was being so CUTE, and he was all 'happy' and 'anxious' and...I didn't really have a reason not to be as overjoyed as he was about the whole thing. So I just...I kinda...

Listen, don't think that I'm just being some kind of a jackass, because I'm NOT! My boyfriend wants to spend time with me! And I want to spend time with him! And I already DID the noble thing by telling Bobby exactly how I felt about Brandon! So...don't give me that look like I'm taking advantage of a bad situation. I just...I'm trying to come out on top here.

So...

I kinda told Brandon that I'd talk to Bobby today. And then...I kinda....did.

>From the moment I saw the cocky grin on his face, I just KNEW that he was gonna make this difficult! He's all, "Hey, Billy. What's new?" You know, all normal like. As though he didn't know EXACTLY what was 'new' with me at that particular moment! Ugh!

I was like, "Ok, what do you want?" And he played dumb with me, so I said, "I know Brandon called you on the phone. And I know what you said. So..quit screwing around. What do you want?"

And he's like, "Screwing around IS what I want." I told him that I couldn't keep doing this behind Brandon's back and this wasn't cool at all. But Bobby just said, "C'mon, Billy...it's not all that bad, is it? You know you like it. Just come over and see me. Let's just...let's forget you have a boyfriend for a few hours and just...." He stopped, and ran his finger down the front of my shirt until it was hanging on my belt loop. Then he's like, "...Let's just have some fun together. I promised not to tell, and I haven't. I'm not going to. I just want to keep you for a little while. And then I promise you can go back and be all cuddly with...him. Ok?"

I said, "Dude, you have no idea how wrong this is. If he ever found out.."

And Bobby stops me and he's like, "He's NOT gonna find out! Don't worry so much. Why can't you just come be with me for a little while? Why can't you just admit that you like me? Just a little bit. Right?" He looked into my eyes as I rolled them. He let a tiny grin spread out on his lips as I didn't answer right away. "You DO like me, don't you? I knew it!"

But I DIDN'T!!! I DON'T!!! I SWEAR!!! I don't know why I even hesitated! I LOVE my boyfriend! I do! I just...I get weak around Bobby when he's being...cute. Or whatever. FUCK!!!

"Bobby...dude..."

But he stops me AGAIN, and says, "Come see me on Thursday! We'll have the whole house to ourselves! I wanna know what it's like to take a shower with you!" WHAT??? And he seriously had to shut up as the halls started to swell up with other people. Then he's like, "So come see me. Ok? I'll just stay home. My mom goes to work way early, so I won't even bother leaving the house. When you come by, I'll be naked, and hard, and ready Ok? It'll be awesome, I promise!" And then he walks away from me like..like...that's OK! That's not OK!!! NOTHING about this predicament is OK!!! How the fuck did I get myself into this mess???

Shit!!!

Whoah, that was close! My mom just snuck into my room, and saw me writing in this book. She, like, just looked over my SHOULDER!!! Did she see me writing about 'gay' stuff??? Did she??? Dammit! I've gotta be CAREFUL with this thing!!! I'm gonna go now! I've been rattled enough for one evening! I'll write more soon!

- Billy