- Is there any way for a guy to take a bigger sigh of relief???

Looks like Sam's not gonna be a 'daddy' after all! At least according to Joanna's little take home pregnancy thing. I was sooooo relieved to hear that! Because, to be honest, I had absolutely NO freakin' idea what I was gonna do for him if she had actually been 'preggers'! No idea at ALL!

The weird thing is, Sam kinda skipped out on lunch today. I was looking to sorta...celebrate, you know? But something is bugging him all of a sudden. I could always assume that it's just the horror of a traumatic 'near miss'...but I don't think that's what it is. Even when I saw Joanna in the hallways, I said hello, but she looked...different somehow. She was walking with her head down, clutching her books to her chest like she was scared of being mugged or something. I don't know what's going on, but I CAN'T be the only one who's happy about the news. That just doesn't make any sense, you know?

Anyway, they spent most of the day running into me purely by accident. And when they did run into me, they didn't seem to have very much to say to me. And even less to say to each other. I don't know. I think they were just scared, or something. That's all. It'll go away, and they'll be all hugs and cuddles all over again. Maybe NOW they'll slow down a little bit.

And I can totally take advantage of Sam's horniness once he's been cut off. Hehehe!

Ugh! I'm just KIDDING! Let me just put that here, just in case I look back on this some day and wonder what the hell kinda freak I was when I was 14! Hehehe, *ALMOST* 15!

I can't believe my birthday is on Monday. I wasn't really looking forward to it at first, but now...I dunno, it seems kinda cool! It's official now, you know? I mean with a 'party' and all. I hadn't really asked my parents if I could even GO out for my birthday, but...I kinda started inviting people anyway. Hehehe, I KNOW, I know...I'm probably setting myself up for trouble. But if I can't enjoy some fun AND trouble on my birthday, then when can I? Am I right?

Besides, anything that I can use to avoid choosing between both parents for the right to 'control' me for the day. Definitely something I wanna be a neutral party to. They can fight all they want to at this point, just leave me out of it. I'm tired of being the same tired proverbial 'brick' that they use to throw at one another's head whenever they feel they have something to prove.

Parental garbage aside, I had a really weird conversation with Jimmy LaPlane today. The SECOND I saw him in the hallway, he broke out into a fit of excited laughter and practically ran over to literally 'drag' me back to his locker. He was about to WET himself, he was so excited! I'm like, "I'm gonna assume that the interview went well yesterday? Hehehe!"

And he says, "OMIGOD, Jamie Cross is sooooo HOT!" And he like...'peeped'! Hahaha! I kid you not! It was like this high pitched, bird-like, chirping noise that I had NEVER heard from him before! I was like...what the hell? But he had to calm down before he started screaming his attractions all over the whole school hallway. He said, "He was there filming me, and it was really hard not to look at him when he was standing right there, you know? But his friend...um...what's her name...?"

I'm like, "Gabriella?"

And he's all, "YEAH! That's it!" Then he goes, "So she's asking me questions about my treatment by the other kids in school, and if I ever felt any prejudice from the teachers or my community and stuff. It was all really cool. The interview part, I mean. But Jamie....sighhhh...Jamie is like SO much more beautiful when you get to see him up close! I felt like I was gonna faint every time he said my name! OH....and Gabriella had these long, ice cold, popsicles in her freezer! And we took a short break and had some...and you have NO idea how incredibly sexy it is to see Jamie Cross slip a purple popsicle into his super hot mouth and give it a long, delicious, suck! AHHHH!!!! I thought I was cum all over myself! Hahaha!"

He was kinda...overzealous about the whole thing. Hehehe, and after looking around a bit at the MANY people in the hallway around us, I told him, "Uhhhh, maybe you should tell me this story when we're not so...um...'public'?"

He said, "Ooh! I'm sorry! Sorry. Seriously, I'm being quiet, I just...hehehe...he's just so...." And he PEEPED again! Hahaha! It was so damn awkward and strange that it was almost kinda cute. Can't explain why. Then he says, "I'll tell you the WHOLE thing later. Promise!"

I couldn't help myself, so I HAD to ask. "So...did you get your big smooch, or what?"

Jimmy giggled with a heated blush flooding into his cheeks. "Nah. But I TOTALLY asked him though!"

My eyes widened up, and I was like, "REALLY? Omigod, tell me you didn't!"

Jimmy lifted his chin, almost in a proud manner. "I most certainly DID! I even told him he was gorgeous. Like...to his FACE!"

I hushed him again, and then whispered with a grin, "Oh WOW! Jesus, Jimmy, what did he SAY???"

And Jimmy told me, "He BLUSHED!!! Like...right in FRONT of me! Oh Billy...his blush is a MIRACLE to behold! I've never seen it before, but once you see it...it's like the most beautiful thing EVER!" He was like, "But...he was so sweet in turning me down though. He was FLATTERED though! I could tell! He kept giggling, and Gabriella was giggling, and she wanted to get me on camera saying it, but I was too shy to do it, so he let me off the hook. But...UGH!!! He's so adorable when he's being sheepish, Billy! Oh wow! Hehehe!" He seemed really happy about it, which was awesome. But then his face changed a little bit, and he kinda took a hold of my shirt to pull me closer so he could whisper the next few sentences softly without being heard at all. And what he said...like...almost caused me to have a HEART ATTACK! He was like, "Dude...does Jamie Cross know you're gay?"

WHAT?!?!?!?! I mean, what the fuck would make Jimmy ask me a question like THAT??? I was like, "HELL NO!!! Omigod, you didn't tell him did you???"

But Jimmy assured me that the secret was safe, and that I didn't have to worry. But he was like, "The only reason I ask is...well...when I asked Jamie Cross if I could, you know...kiss him?"

I'm like, "YEAH???"

And he whispers, "Jamie TOTALLY asked me if this was YOUR idea."

I shouted, "*MY* IDEA?!?!?!" And it was really loud, and Jimmy slapped my shoulder to shut me up before I outed myself in front of the whole damn student body. I lowered my voice back to a whisper, and said, "Why the fuck would he think it was MY idea???"

And Jimmy said, "I don't know! But it was literally the first words out of his mouth! I don't know if he thought you were playing a prank on him or if he...like...knows, you know?"

I felt an excited shiver travel up my spine, directly to my brain, and right back down again until it stopped and tingled right under my NUTS from hearing that!!! Oh...oh WOW! What if he KNOWS? What if he knows and doesn't care? What if...hehehe....

...Nah...I won't even go there!

But that was 'interesting' to say the least! And it had me grinning from ear to ear that he would even THINK of me in such a...such an AWESOME way while I wasn't even THERE! Hehehe, I was literally GIDDY with the feeling! GIDDY, I tell you!

I guess that kinda put me in a good mood for the rest of the day, and I started inviting more people to my...'party'. Seriously! I invited Trace, and Stacey, and told Jimmy about it too. So the word has officially been put into the matrix of the high school gossip network. I'd better make it happen. And then...I went to invite Bobby Jinette to my party...

And what he told me nearly gave me my SECOND heart attack of the day!

He asked me, "Dude, what's up with you and Brandon?"

It actually hurt to even hear his name and mine in the same sentence anymore, but I asked him, "What do you mean?"

He's like, "Are you guys, like...getting back together or something?"

I was soooo confused. Like, what the hell would give Bobby Jinette a crazy ass idea like that? I'm like, "What are you talking about? Brandon can barely stand to look at me. Not with his pretty boy 'better half' on his arm."

So Bobby goes, "That's what I'm talking about. I saw them earlier in the library when I went to return some books I checked out last week, and they did NOT look happy." I gasped out loud. I had to cover my mouth to contain myself.

I'm like, "Wait...are you SERIOUS??? Like, what do you mean? Were they, like, fighting or something?"

He said, "I don't know if you could really call it a 'fight', but whatever they were talking about...they were NOT agreeing on. And then Stevie rolled his eyes, and Brandon seemed kinda pissed. So he actually got up, grabbed his stuff, and sat waaaay on the other side of the LIBRARY!" I don't think better words have ever been spoken! EVER! I doubt any even EXIST in the English language that could outperform that exact combination of words leaving Bobby Jinette's mouth at that moment! I think I was in a state of shock, and Bobby was like, "Billy! You should pretend not to know about ANY of this! You should totally invite him to your birthday party next week! If they're not getting along, it's a perfect opportunity for you to slide right back in where you belong."

I hardly expected Bobby Jinette to WANT me and Brandon back together, but if there's even a CHANCE that I can get the love of my life back...I'll TAKE it! I'll take any chance I can get, no matter how small!

So I'm EXTREMELY psyched about this! Bobby thinks I should wait until tomorrow, so I don't look like a total vulture for swooping down the second he has an argument with his boyfriend. I can agree with that. But tomorrow....wow...tomorrow I'm really gonna ask him. God! I've gotta write to Lee and work out the details for this thing so we can make this the best party EVER!

I've got stuff to do! So I'll write more tomorrow!

Sighhhh....wow.....

I'm shaking...

Literally shaking...

AND I *LOVE* IT!!!

- Billy