- You wanna know something really weird? Bobby Jinette TOTALLY scoped out another boy's sexy butt today in the gym locker room! It kind bugged me for some reason. And THEN he kinda...like...winks at me! You know, as if to say...'Hey Billy, check out that hot piece of ASS over there!' Arrghhh! WHAT??? He's not supposed to be 'that' guy! He's supposed to be...just...I don['t know...Bobby. I don't know why that bothered me so much, but it did. Ugh...I think I'm just being SELFISH and DUMB at this point. Why do I even care? I don't have any feelings for Bobby Jinette. That's just a stupid horny illusion where I wanna be able to screw him again and then skitter away to break his heart again. I'm doing all I can to convince myself that our final separation doesn't really matter. It should be so much easier. I mean...I'm not even in love with Bobby. I never was. I think he's super hot, but...he's not my type. Not at all. And we settled that situation, so...it's done. It's over. I should be HAPPY that he's looking at somebody else's ass for a change, right? He's super cute, I know that. I just can't be 'with' him. I think we'd both be miserable, you know?

Psh...I don't care. It's about time he got over me anyway. I'm glad he's moving on. So....so yeah...

Still, it was weird.

Speaking of which, I also talked to Jimmy LaPlane at his locker today. Hehehe, the bastard owes me after spouting off about how much he wants to 'do' me to Sam. But when I asked him about it, he just smiled and refused to look me in the eye. I was like, "Unh unh! Don't try to avoid me NOW! Hehehe, I wanna know what you said."

Jimmy said, "I can't tell you. That's strictly between me and your best friend." He was like, smiling and stuff, but I really wasn't just goofing around. I really wanted to know. So, I asked him how that whole situation even happened. I mean, Sam and Jimmy? It's like having Superman and Lex Luthor going out for a beer together! It's just not the way things work. But Jimmy just shrugged it off like, "You know...we had a lot of problems in the past, but...once you really talk to him and get to know him...Sam's really cool. I guess I can finally see what you see in him. Hehehe!" He was giggling so...bashfully, and it sort of 'disturbed' me in a way. Jimmy was like, "He's really cute too. Hehehe..."

That's NOT good! Not at all. I told him, "Sam's straight. You know that right? I mean...there's no chance in hell for you two to ever..EVER...."

And he's like, "Whoah! Ouch! Hehehe, I know. I'm not getting a crush or anything. I just think he's...you know...he's cute." He looked at me for a second, and he said, "I mean...it's ok if I think he's cute, right? Unless...YOU have your eye on him..."

NOOOOO!!! No no no no no!!! I spoke up and said, "NO! Not at all. It's not like that. I just...I don't want you to get your hopes up and get your heart broken. That's all."

He said, "Yeah. Been there. Done that. Left a pair of my undies behind." It made me remember the stuff he went through with Lee, and decided to just keep my mouth shut. I'm not gonna give Jimmy any reason at all to start snooping around in that direction.

I gave him a halfhearted laugh, and said, "Well...good. Sam's cool, just...I think he'd be a little freaked out about it. He doesn't go in for that kind of thing."

Jimmy smiled at me, rolling his eyes a bit. He was all like, "Come on, Billy. I KNOW that you've noticed. Best friend or not. Sam is a serious blond hottie. I stared at his butt too. Hehehe, he has a SEXY ass! You know that?" I blushed sooo hard when he said that. And he's like, "Admit it. I promise I won't tell him. Just say it. It's OBVIOUS that you didn't just choose him to be your best friend because of his abilities with a slingshot."

I was like, "He told you about the slingshot???"

And Jimmy said, "We stayed up all night, Billy. We talked about...a 'lot' of stuff." And then he grinned at me wickedly and tried to walk away to go to his next class, but I followed right behind him for as long as I could. I *HATE* that I don't know what happened between those two that night. I mean, it's bad enough that I don't understand how it even came to be...but the fact that I seemed to be a major topic of conversation the whole time...it makes me nervous. It sucks. Honestly. Jimmy giggled bashfully and got tired of me asking. He was like, "Don't get so flustered, hehehe! It was no big deal. It was just friendly conversation. Nothing scandalous. Besides...it's not like you didn't know about...how I feel." Then he corrected himself. "Used to feel. It wasn't a conspiracy or anything. Just a cheerful exchange of...information. That's all." He was still holding something back. I could tell.

I was like, "You're ENJOYING this aren't you?"

And he says, "Of COURSE, I am. It's good to know that I can tease you for a change." But...Jimmy also told me, "He really is cute though. Heh...I used to think he was such a jerk. I'd even go so far as to say that I hated him at one time. I never did anything to invite him to bully or pick on me. But once we got to know each other, none of that mattered anymore. He just...he surprised me is all."

Wow...I'll be damned. They really are getting along. Sometimes, I swear that the whole damn world has turned itself upside down and everyone forgot to tell me about it.

I saw Jamie Cross in the halls today. Sighhh...you know, that boy still has the kind of beauty that's guaranteed to strike you STUPID within the first three seconds. It like...makes your heart hurt. Anyway, he had Joanna close by, and I wasn't sure that I'd be able to talk to him. Jamie might be convinced to hold off on the public displays of affection for a while. But not Joanna. In fact, she seems like the kind of person who would be insulted that I'd even ask.

Unfortunately, I had to avoid them. I needed to talk to Jamie alone if that was gonna work. Then again, I could try to convince stubborn old Sam to talk to me first. But what are the odds on that. He's being SO damn weird these days.

Speaking of weird, I wrote Lee another email today to ask if everything was ok. He didn't answer my last one, and I...well...you know, I worry. I hate to say it, but after my experiences with a hottie like AJ, I don't really do the whole 'non communication' thing very well. But you wanna know what happened? Instead of LEE answering me...I got an email from Randall instead. Which was friendly enough, but at the end of it, he's like, "Oh, by the way, before I forget...Lee says he misses you and he'll call you soon. He's just been busy with homework and stuff."

I remember just sitting there at my computer, and gritting my teeth as my eyes narrowed at the screen. Just staring at that sentence, and trying to keep my stomach from tightening up. Why the hell does RANDALL know more about how 'busy' my boyfriend is than I do? Why does he feel that he has to play the middle man between me and Lee? I don't need any passed on messages from my boyfriend. He can talk to me himself. I don't know why he's even talking to Randall about talking to me in the first place. I mean...what has he been telling him about us?

Enough is enough. I can't TAKE this anymore, because it's seriously bugging the shit out of me now. I wanna know exactly how those two became such good 'friends', and just how 'friendly' they are. I'm not falling for the same trick twice. And I'm not giving up my boyfriend without a fight, either.

I wrote Randall an email with a single sentence. "We need to talk about something." So...as soon as I hear back from him, we'll straighten this out, once and for all.

I just wanna be happy. Why is that so hard? I'm so tired of random obstacles. I really am.

I've gotta go. I'm gonna try to call Sam tonight and see if he's run out of excuses as to why he can't talk to me yet. He needs to know. I wish he'd just let me be a good friend already and talk to me. So I'm just gonna keep hounding him until he does. Sam should know that his stubbornness and my persistence are pretty evenly matched. He'll just be causing us both a lot of frustration by avoiding the issue.

Besides...I kinda wanna see how he reacts to Jimmy thinking he's cute. I mean, that's not violating any kind of confidence, is it? It's not like Jimmy said 'Don't EVER tell him I said that', right? Knowing Jimmy, he's probably just a few days away from telling him himself. Wow...I just thought about something...

Ugh! Sam better NOT kiss Jimmy LaPlane!!!!

*I* haven't even kissed Sam yet! That's not cool! If any other boy is gonna kiss Sam on the mouth, it should be me.

Yeah, that's right. I said it. :P

Anyway, gotta go. I'll write more soon. Take care.

- Billy