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Be sure to keep on reading "Billy Chase"...
...You'll need to give the 'Billy Chase' code word when you audition for the Joshua Rush/Asher Angel threesome scene on the 'Andi Mack' show!!!*
*(Previous Statement May Not Be True)
- I swear, my baby, Brandon, is the only person on the planet that could keep this from being a murky and miserable day. He has this special knack for turning my entire day into rainbows and candy. Hehehe, but it's not like I didn't know that already.
I guess it just helps to be reminded of why our bond is so important, and how everything else matters so little when it tries to go against the love that we share. It makes you feel invincible, you know? It lets you know that you've done something right in the grand scheme of things.
I feel good about things right now. Not that life is without its MAJOR issues at the moment, but...here in my room, with nothing but my thoughts and the waning pages in yet another, nearly saturated, diary...I feel as though I've been given a break from 'life'. At least for the time being. Probably won't last through the weekend, but I'll be trying to keep my head up. No matter what.
See, things started going sour with my mom earlier on in the afternoon. That was the beginning of my problems.
My mom didn't go into work today like she was supposed to. I thought that was pretty weird. She wasn't sick or anything, so why not go to work? I'm glad that I heard her banging around in the kitchen before I decided to walk around the house half naked. Or, more importantly, before I got a bit more 'vocal' with my morning masturbation. Jacking off is always so much better when I have the house to myself. Without the need to listen out for a nosy parent with their natural 'intrusive tendencies'. Heck, if I had a place all to myself, I doubt I'd want to do anything else in my free time. Well, except maybe make love to my boyfriend.
Hehehe, but that goes without saying.
Anyway, so I ask her why she's home today, and she's like, "Mack is coming over to do a quick check up on the stuff he fixed to make sure it's still running. And I thought I might make him a late lunch to say thank you."
Mack? Who the hell is 'Mack'?
I'm like, "Who?"
She's like, "Mr. Franks. You know Mr. Franks, Billy."
Have you ever had that heavy feeling in the pit of your stomach? Like you had just swallowed a giant stone and it had suddenly gotten stuck, with nowhere else to go. I was like, "What's he coming over for?"
She says, "I just told you." She gave me a look and a less-than-genuine smile, like, "Don't worry. I'm not going to ask you stick around and watch the house this time. You can go out and play with your friends. I'll keep an eye on things just fine."
You know, I may be a teenager...but that doesn't mean I'm stupid. I can easily sense that something is slightly off balance in all this. What the hell is going on here? Why is he finding ore and more reasons to sneak over to this house unnecessarily? Why is she referring to him as 'Mack' instead of Mr. Franks now? We never had that much broken stuff in the house or the car when Dad was here! And weren't they 'going out to lunch' this past Saturday? Didn't he say that she had his number? Why does my mom have Mr. Franks' number? I work with a bunch of people and I don't have their personal numbers. I don't have Terrell's home phone number. I don't have Dizzy's home phone number. Or Ollie's, or Dizzy's, or Taylor's. The only personal phone number I have for anyone that I work with is Robin! And that's because...
I'm not even going to complete that sentence, for fear of throwing up all over this book and having to start it over from scratch! Yuck!
So, my plan was to not go out to 'play' anywhere today. I was going to stay right there and see if I could figure out exactly what this creep was trying to accomplish by using some kind of a social crowbar to PRY his way into our lives without being invited. At least not by me. However...things didn't work out that way.
And that leads to one of the biggest issues I've got going on right now! This is something that I've got to deal with much sooner than later. Because, not only is it not going away...but it's getting worse. MUCH worse!
When Jimmy didn't get any particular friction from me, nor did he witness any satisfaction from splitting me and Brandon apart with his manipulation and his misleading pictures about what really happened between Brandon and Stevie when he took those bogus pictures...he sent me a message to spur on some sort of response from me.
I had to think about which would be worse for him. If I sent him a scathing email to tell him to fuck off, once and for all...or if I just ignored him and didn't give him any response at all.
In the end...I thought it would be a bigger blow to his inflated ego to simply ignore him altogether. I'm done defending myself for his benefit. He'll just have to be raw about it. Even if it's for the rest of his miserable life, I'm not about to let him ruin my happiness simply because he can't find the courage to deal with the hand he's been dealt. I may have done a lot of bad things in my life, and I've hurt people close to me without meaning to...but his issues are not my fault. And they're not my problem.
That's how I decided to look at it...until Jimmy sent me one more message. A single note that made my blood boil.
"I see Brandon got his living room window fixed. It's a shame. I hear fresh air is good for you."
WHAT??? What the FUCK is he...?
I think it hit me all at once, and I got a sick feeling in my stomach once I realized what he was implying. Or...directly telling me, to be honest. Did Jimmy throw a rock through Brandon's window at home??? What the fuck is WRONG with him? Has he gone complete PSYCHO on me? I almost didn't want to believe it. Jimmy can be unstable sometimes, but he's not THAT far gone, is he?
I actually got a bit of a chill from this sudden revelation. Not only did Jimmy break his window...but he went back to check on it to see if it was fixed or not. I didn't even know that Jimmy knew where Brandon lived! I know they talked from time to time, mostly for Jimmy to keep him away from me by feeding him lies and bullshit...but this just got serious. This is more than just a 'teen drama' problem right now. This is like...I mean...running around shattering windows is CRIMINAL, isn't it? Do I need to call the police? What do I even tell them?
'Hello, police? Stop dealing with killers and rapists and listen to me for a minute! I have a kid that broke Brandon's window because he was mad at me! Why is he mad? Well, you see...I'm gay, and Brandon's my boyfriend, but I cheated on him with this boy, Bobby Jinette, but only because he threatened to tell on me...even though I was mostly responsible because I agreed to keep doing it. Then Brandon found out, and we broke up. Which sucked, because it happened right around the time my parents got divorced. Then I fooled around a bit more, then there was AJ and this boy, Robin, who I work with now...but that's a whole other story! I was dating Lee at the time. I think. Or maybe we weren't dating as much as were just having sex. Ugh, wait...where was I? So Brandon started dating this boy, Stevie, which really hurt at the time, and I feel like I went 'rogue' for a while, but then I got it back together. Then Brandon and I had a fight at my birthday party, which I still feel bad about to this day. I went to my best friend, Sam, for help...but we've always been really close, and even though he's straight, I ended up fooling around with him too. He has a girlfriend now. He's been spending most of the Summer with her. But I don't think he likes her as much as his last girlfriend, who...actually used to be my girlfriend, but...huh? Yeah, I KNOW I said I was gay, but I had a girlfriend for a while because...wait...I'm losing focus again. What I'm trying to say is that I ended up sleeping with this boy, Jimmy LaPlane, who has probably been in love with me since his hormones kicked in, and we were together for a little bit, but I ended up getting back together with Brandon because he's the love of my life and I can't see myself with anyone else. Like...ever. So I had to dump Jimmy, but I tried to be as gentle with it as I possibly could! I swear! And...he didn't take it well. So now he's terrorizing me and my boyfriend and I need your help! Hello? Hello??? FUCK!!! They hung up on me!!!'
I actually started to feel a little bit scared about what might happen if I didn't do something right away. This was a lot more serious than I had originally anticipated. I tried to send a message to Brandon, but he didn't answer me back right away. I tried to call him, but it went straight to his voicemail. Which probably means his battery died while he was out. Either that or he's charging it right now. Whatever the problem was, I was both worried and furious at the same time, so I put my shoes on and practically 'flew' out of the house to make sure that Brandon knew what was going on. I swear, if Jimmy even thinks of coming after my boyfriend, I will KILL him! I don't mean that as an empty threat either! I will, legit, MURDER that son of a bitch! This is just...this is NOT ok!!!
My brain was distracted with the horrors of what Brandon might have to go through if Jimmy doesn't get his way. And how it would be ALL MY FAULT!!! Then again, I was distracted by the idea that confronting Jimmy right now and letting him know what buttons to push to get my attention, I may end up spurring him on even more. If trashing Brandon's house gets him the desired response from me...what's to stop him from doing it again? Or maybe doing something even worse next time? I'm so done with letting him get away with this shit. Previous suicide attempts and all.
I got to Brandon's house and rang the doorbell like a madman! Please answer! Please, please, please?
When I heard Brandon's padded footsteps approaching the door, I immediately let out a sigh of relief. Thank God!
He's like, "Billy? HEY! Oh wow! Come in!" He was excited to see me, and that would normally cause me to giggle and fall at his feet, but I was fuming at this point. We had important things to talk about.
I was like, "Do we have some place private where we can talk? I need to tell you something..." But before I could finish, Brandon draped his arms over my shoulders, and leaned in to kiss me softly on the lips. Maybe it was a knee jerk reaction, but I instantly pulled back from him and looked around the room to see if we had been caught. I urgently whispered, "Dude...your dad!"
Brandon giggled sweetly. He's like, "He's not here."
I'm like, "He's not?" And Brandon shook his head with a smile.
He says, "Believe it or not, he went bowling with some friends of his about a half hour ago. Weird, right?" Running his fingers through my hair, he told me, "I wanted to call you, but I was charging my phone in the car and left it in the cup holder like a dumbass. It looks like all I had to do was pray for a miracle." He stepped closer and kissed me again. This time more deeply.
Out of all the boys I've ever kissed, I don't think anyone has ever raised goosebumps on my arms and shoulders the way that Brandon's does. Then again...maybe I'm biased.
Still, even while letting his precious lips linger in their erotic contact with my own...I wanted to stop. I wanted to tell him what was going on. I wanted to apologize for allowing him to be bashed and battered by someone I once trusted, and held a certain level of respect for. Too bad he ruined that forever now.
I'm like, "Brandon...wait. There's something we need to talk about, ok?"
He was a bit confused by my urgency, but took me by the hand and said, "Ok. Come on. Let's go to my room."
The fear was building up in my chest as I followed behind him. What would he say? What would he think of me for putting him into such a hostile position? As we entered his bedroom and he sat me down, he gave me a smirk and leaned over to start kissing me on the side of my neck.
A weakness seeped its way into me as I felt him lick the vulnerable flesh that he found there, but I fought to concentrate, regardless. I said, "Brandon?"
He's like, "Yeah?"
And with a brief pause, I told him, "Jimmy LaPlane was the one that broke your window..." I actually cringed when I heard myself say it out loud. Then I cringed again when I felt Brandon's soft lips part from the nape of my neck.
He asked, "Wait...what?"
I said, "It was Jimmy. I'm pretty sure that he's the one that threw a rock through your living room window."
He was like, "Are you serious?"
Awww, I felt like SHIT! I'm like, "He mentioned it in a message he sent me. It was practically an admission of guilt. I'm certain of it." Then I said, "I'm SO sorry, Brandon! This is all my fault! I'm going to fucking find Jimmy and rip his head clean off of his shoulders! I want to fucking *KILL* him for this!!!" The rage began to bubble up again, and my stomach tied itself in knots as I attempted to suppress the urge to put my fist through a fucking wall! He HURT him! He hurt my Brandon! My special boy! And all I could think about was the fact that he needed to PAY for that! In a big way!
As irate and a aggravated as I was about the whole thing, Brandon didn't seem to be as hot and bothered about it as I was. In fact, right in the middle of me dropping more obscene F-bombs than was probably necessary...Brandon just grinned and kissed me on the lips again.
I'm like, "Dude! I'm SERIOUS, ok? He's out of his fucking mind!!! What is he? Some kind of fucking psycho???" As I was balling up my fists and fidgeting with a hatred that threatened to split me open at the seams...Brandon was sliding off of the bed and kneeling down in front of me. He started to rub the growing tent in my pants, and I frowned up, like, "What are you doing?"
He says, "Go ahead. Keep talking. I'm listening." Was he not hearing me? What was he doing? I felt him stroking me through my pants, and as I continued to curse and grumble over Jimmy and everything that he was doing to us, and why he needs a serious ass kicking for bothering us when he could just move on and leave us the FUCK alone...Brandon just kept touching me. Eventually, lowering my zipper and unbuttoning my pants to rub his pretty face back and forth across the front of my red boxer briefs.
My teenage body responds appropriately, current attitude, be damned.
I'm like, "Brandon...c'mon, this could be real trouble. Quit it..." But as I felt his lips lightly 'chew' at my growing erection, my weakness intensified, and my legs spread wider on instinct. Yes, I was still heated and angry and mad at the world...but...when Brandon pulled my pants down to my ankles and slid his hands under the legs of my underwear...I couldn't help but to sigh out loud and lean back on my elbows. I was sooooo frustrated, but...Brandon just...he can seduce me so easily, you know? It's just not fair!
As much as I tried to hold on to the anger and the fury boiling within me...my boyfriend's love seemed to easily extinguish the flame. His hot breath moistened the fabric of my briefs from the outside, as the beginning leaks of my passionate nectar began to soak them from the inside. That's when Brandon reached for the elastic waistband and pulled the front down...causing my erection to pop out and flop back on the soft region below my belly button.
My face was still frowned up as he moved in to lick and suck on my balls for a minute or two. Not wanting to let go of the issue, I tried to fight the sensation. But...it felt soooo good to have his tongue on me again. Omigod, how does he do that! I was being stubborn when I said, "Jimmy can't get away with this! It's selfish, and it's petty...mmmm...and, and...oh wow...He's so fucking...I can't believe that he...!" But as Brandon slowly licked his way up to the tip of my pulsing shaft, and engulfed the top three inches of it into his sucking lips...I felt my mood beginning to change. The slippery sensation of having him envelop my hardness so deeply was transforming my darkest thoughts and most worrisome concerns into...something beautiful.
My hands found their way to Brandon's broad shoulders, and his fingers nestled my excited testicles as he rhythmically bobbed on my hardness, coiling his tongue around the sensitive ridge to the point where I was forced to wiggle helplessly beneath him.
Why couldn't I shut up? I was just determined to make some sort of point. I was like, "I'm going to give Jimmy both barrels now! Enough is enough. He's going to get it this time. He's gone...mmm....he's gone too far. Omigod..." I began to hump myself up into his face. Jesus, this felt AMAZING! I'm supposed to be furious, dammit! Why is he making me feel so...OH WOW...YES! Right there! Keep licking that spot. Holy shit!
Brandon scooted a bit closer on his knees, now taking even more of my length into his mouth with every succulent envelopment...now using his hands to wedge between my ass and the mattress...pulling my hips up slightly as my legs began to squirm from the orgasmic feeling of being serviced by my favorite boy.
My angry tantrum was broken, my body both increasing and relieving its tension simultaneously. And soon I placed my hands on top of Brandon's head as I squeezed my cheeks tight and prepared to unleash a hot load right down his throat.
A few more pumps was all it took. Then my sensitive tip swelled and fired off heated splashes of thick seed on the roof of his mouth, his tongue encouraging even more as my knees drew up and my half naked body twisted in ecstasy. I was so breathless by the time he let me slip lovingly from his pursed lips. Then he gave me a few more licks under my balls and on the inside of my thighs until I was twitching too much for him to continue. Where did that even come from? What did I come over here for again? Geez! I think Brandon actually sucked me to the point of amnesia!
He crawled up next to me on the bed, and French kissed me while I softly moaned with relief. Like I said, he has this special knack for turning my entire day into rainbows and candy, and today was no disappointment. Maybe I should pop over unannounced more often. Hehehe!
We spent a few moments coming down from a sexual high, but as my euphoric bliss began to fade...I tried to get myself refocused on the task at hand. I'm like, "Brandon...I'm scared, ok? Jimmy's not the most stable person in the world, you know?"
Brandon looked me in the eye, and he says, "It's alright, Billy. We'll deal with it. I don't know how, but...at the end of the day, we just have to remember what's most important."
I'm like, "What's that?"
And he says, "We've already won. You and me." The cutest smile appeared on his face as he leaned in to kiss me again. He told me, "Was that Jimmy's best shot? Really? Breaking a window? My dad and I fixed it in a day. It's hardly anything to consider some big threat or great tragedy. If anything, I think my dad liked having us spend time together putting a new window in. Probably made us closer for it."
I still felt like garbage though. The guilt was eating away at me, even though Brandon was being a good sport about it all. I told him, "You're too good for me. You know that, right? You are SO much more than I deserve."
He's like, "Look...Jimmy's angry. He's hurt. He's jealous. But he can't steal our spotlight, Billy. He doesn't have the power to ruin what we've spent so much time building together. With all of his stupid tantrums and childish behavior...he's just wasting his time. I LOVE you, Billy. Period. Every time I kiss your lips or hold you in my arms like this...I feel as though my very own 'happily ever after' tale is guaranteed. I'm thankful to have true love in my life. I've got no complaints, and no regrets." He grinned. An adorable grin that compelled me to run my fingers through his hair. He said, "I was an idiot for ever listening to Jimmy in the first place. He really laid it on pretty thick, trying to keep us from succeeding. But he failed. Miserably. I let him manipulate me into thinking that you and I would never be together...but I'm done letting him fuck with my head. It's time that he found a new excuse to walk around being pissed off at the world. I'm done entertaining his bullshit. Jimmy LaPlane can implode from rage for all I care. I have everything I ever wanted...in you. Ok?"
Perfection. How could I think that Brandon could be anything short of perfection.
I was like, "You realize that you're never gonna get rid of me if you keep being so damn cute, right?"
He giggled, like, "Good. I don't think either one of us would want anybody else, anyway."
I snickered, "Well...except for Jamie Cross."
His eyebrows were instantly raised. He says, "Well, YEAH! If it was Jamie Cross, sure! But...nobody else. Hehehe!"
So yeah, that was my day. Some agitated nerves, some motherly conflict, a few fearful moments, and a blowjob that changed me from steaming mad to steaming hot in a matter of minutes. Life can just be a roller coaster ride sometimes. You just never know where you're going to end up when it's over.
I'm going to send my baby a message to let him know that I love him before I go to bed. I just feel like saying it. I want him to know it. Every minute of the day. There was a time when I was too inexperienced to realize what love does to a person. At first, I was certain that love complicated everything and made it infinitely harder than it should be. But now I know better. Love simplifies it all. It reminds you that...as long as you have love in your life, the other stuff doesn't matter. Not as much, anyway. Brandon has officially become my cure-all for life itself. And I take comfort in that. I really do.
I'll write more tomorrow. Seeya then.
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