- I think...AHHHH!!!...I think I accidentally 'skinned' my dick or something today! Do I really masturbate THAT much??? Jesus! I know I did it a bunch of times today, but...it's really, like, 'sore' right now!

Ok, I just peeled down my boxers to...um...look at it, and it looks alright. It's just been rubbed a little raw, I think. I couldn't help myself though. This was like one of the horniest days of my whole life so far. I can't believe I'm writing this in here, but...for the first time ever...I actually had to jack off in school. Ok, I've never done that before, but today, I couldn't help myself. I went to the boy's bathroom right after the 6th period bell rang, and made sure that it was, like, TOTALLY empty. I was afraid to go into a stall for some reason. I can't understand why, it would have made much more sense. But I went to a urinal instead. I was soooo scared that somebody was going to come in and catch me, but it made my whole body vibrate with this..I dunno....this 'danger', you know? So I unzipped my pants, and hurried up to relieve myself...and WOW!!! My whole body was in shock! That is probably one of the top ten orgasms of my life so far! It's right up there with the first time AJ sucked me off, and that one time I accidentally came all over my sleeping bag at summer camp while sleeping next to Gil Taveris! God, he was hot! Anyway...trust me, even though I did perverted things to myself in the middle of a school day, it was for a couple of extremely good reasons, believe me.

This particular moment though, is dedicated completely to Bobby Jinette's magnificent ass and all of the wonderful feelings it has brought me since I got out of bed this morning! You see, I saw him earlier in the day, and he smiled at me. But I'm kinda trying to avoid him for a while, just in case he starts to...you know..'like' me or something. But when I was going to gym class today, he called out to me from down the hall and jogged over to catch up. I mean, what was I gonna do? Run away from him? We have class together, it's not like I can really dodge him all that effectively. So, we're walking, and he's talking to me, and he's being...sweet. Sweet, and friendly, and cheerful and...ARGGHH!!! I'm trying so hard to not really look at him as a 'person' you know, because it makes it harder to stand in a room naked with him. Which is exactly where we were going. He smiled at me, and his eyes were all shiny, and he was just..happy to be around me, you know? All I could do was try to tune him out and keep walking without being rude. God, he smelled AWESOME, though. I think he uses this body spray stuff on his clothes or something. It fits him. The scent is all clean and 'springy', just like he is.

So we get to the swimming pool locker room, and some of the boys are already down to their underwear. You wanna know something that I didn't realize before? ALL boys look fucking HOT when they're naked in front of me! I'm not just saying that because I'm extremely horny, either. I'm telling you the absolute truth. Even boys that I didn't even like before looked sexy once I saw their underwear drop. Most of us were a bit self conscious, I think, but it was the first day. So we all kinda turned towards our lockers while we were undressing. I figure it's better for someone to see my ass. Everybody has an ass. It's just an ass. But you turn around, and suddenly there's so much more a guy has gotta worry about when it comes to 'measuring up' to the other boys. Is it long enough? Thick enough? Cut? Uncut? Limp? Hard? Big balls? Small balls? A little hair? A lot of hair? No hair at all? Is it nice and smooth? Or is it one of those with the veins and stuff? It's maddening, I tell you! If I thought I could put make-up on it and make it ready for display beforehand, I would. It's just nerve-wracking. And then you've got guys like Kyle who don't care, and let it all hang out for everybody to see. He's got a nice one though. Really nice. So I guess he's entitled to 'show it off' once in a while, you know? I would.

Does it make me a total psycho to think about what it would be like, sucking every penis I see? Not in a slutty way, I don't think....but I kinda think about it. Like...what it tastes like, and how big it gets when it's hard, and how warm it is. I wonder what Brandon's looks like. I bet his is like...this miraculous piece of perfect flesh and muscle I just know it is. It's gotta be as pretty as the rest of him.

Anyway, so I'm trying my hardest not to look at anybody while I'm getting naked, but I take a few peeks here and there. Get a few flashes, let my mind wander for a second, and then STOP thinking about it the second I feel those familiar inappropriate 'tingles' down below. But then I start wondering if Bobby is looking at me. And that makes me even more nervous. So I quickly pull up my tight little speedo thingies, and shut my locker door. Then, when I turn around, merely by accident, I catch a glimpse of Bobby Jinette bending over naked to pick up his watch. Bobby...was....bending....over! I only looked for a few seconds...but his butt...his round, firm, kissable, deliciously plump, erotically chubby, sweet, unmercifully beautiful ASS was stuck right out in my direction. And I nearly CAME in my suit right then and there! I literally ran in my bare feet to get out of that locker room and jumped into the ice cold pool before my boner got fully hard! And when I say 'cold'....I mean 'COLD'!!! I nearly screamed from the shock of it, and I felt my penis shrivel up to the size of a freakin' jellybean once I felt the arctic water surround me all over...but thank God that nobody saw me hard. I was almost at half mast already by the time I jumped in.

Needless to say, I've been thinking about those 4 seconds of ass viewing every 5 SECONDS since it happened! Over and over again! I wanted to shove my throbbing hard DICK in there so bad that it literally hurt to think about it! I wanted to push my fingers in it and suck on them hard when I was done! I wanted to stick my fucking TONGUE in it until my jaw hurt!!! Jesus Christ, Bobby!!! Is that thing a sexual weapon, or what???

I practically shut my eyes up tight after class while we were getting dressed again. I made damn sure that I didn't look at ANYBODY!!! And I high tailed it out of there before Bobby had a chance to finish putting his clothes on and catch up to me. I don't think I've ever been so in love with a body part before. I actually WANT him just because of his tight bubbled cheeks! And I want him bad! I couldn't stop from getting hard all day. I'm hard right now, just writing this! So...after running out of the pool locker room, that's when I went to the boys bathroom and did...well, what I did. And it was HOT! Soooo hot!

Then, you know what ELSE happened today? I see Jamie Cross in the hall this morning, and he calls out my name again. And he says, "You know what, the Drama Club is using the study hall tomorrow for rehearsal. They're repairing leaks in the auditorium ceiling this week." At first, it was a disappointing thing to hear. It felt like he was gonna break his 'date' with me. Which would suck.

My shoulders sank a little bit, and I was like, "Oh...well, that's ok." I have to admit, I was kinda looking forward to having my first real conversation alone with Jamie Cross, like, EVER! But...maybe it just wasn't meant to be. I was just being stupid.

But THEN, he says, "Well, I still wanna do the interview. I'll tell you what...do you live around here? My house is just past Main Street, you know, over by where the ice cream parlor used to be. Why don't you just come over to my house after school, and we can do it there?"

Ok...now read that last sentence again, but try to see it from my point of view. Jamie Cross...THE blond teen hottie of the whole fucking century..said to me..."Cum over after school...and we can 'do it' there." This is what he said to me. Like....out loud!!! My tongue nearly fell out of my mouth. I think I nodded. Did I nod? Yeah...I think I nodded. Well...I did something, because he got the message. So..yeah, I'm going to Jamie's house tomorrow. Tomorrow.

That's right.....tomorrow.

Jamie Cross....

Tomorrow.

At his...'gulp'...at his house...

Okaaay.....

So...um...yeah...between that and Bobby's ass...I damn near sprained my 'equipment' today. Not good.

Ok, Lee just sent me an IM a second ago, and it said, "Hey! What's cooking?" With his patented little smiley face. Sigh, I hate to admit it, but I'm not gonna answer right now. I don't want him to be cute around me tonight. I'm not really MAD at him or anything, I just think....well...it's like...

Fuck it, I don't know what to think. How could he let Jimmy go down on him? Geez, I just remembered how cute Lee's penis is! I saw it that one day in the mall while we were all hanging out. Why does Jimmy get to suck on it and not me? I could have just as easily cuddled with him on that couch, right? Does he...like Jimmy? I don't even wanna know. Yeah, I'm jealous. So what? I hope Jimmy doesn't get to have Lee as a boyfriend. Not Lee. Lee is too untouchable to be somebody's boyfriend. Especially a gay boy. We don't get breaks like that. We just don't.

Ok, I'm gonna jack off again. I'm thinking about Lee now, dammit! I can't stop! I hope that I don't end up in therapy for doing this too much.

Gotta run, later.

-Billy

- Wow....Jamie was just...AHHHHH!!! I mean, he so...so 'WOW', you know? I have been staring off into space since I left his house. I couldn't even eat dinner, I was so spaced out. I can't believe that I was just there. I was in his house. His HOUSE! And we got to talk. And he laughed a few times too. Like....he liked my jokes. Do you have any idea what it's like to have something that you said cause Jamie Cross to smile? It's like this amazing rush of infatuation that crawls all over your body and makes you giggle all day long. When I got to his house, he was wearing these red sweatpants, and a white t-shirt. And there was this...definable 'pouch' in the front, that made my mouth water. I remember, at one point, he got up to get something from his room to do the interview, and I had to lean over and bite the cushion on the couch just to stop from screaming out loud! I was sooooo nervous! But I think I did alright.

The whole interview only lasted about 30 minutes, and afterwards we just kinda...'talked' for a while. Sighhh...we talked. He notices me. All of this time, I've been thinking that I was just another worker ant in the ant farm. But he notices me. He knew who I was for a long time, we just never spoke before. Not really. I don't know what I got out of this afternoon, other than a life long memory that will haunt me for the rest of my days. But whatever it is...I can't stop smiling about it. I wonder if I'll be able to talk to him in the halls now. I wonder if we could like..hang out again some time. Just to...just to spend some time together. Oh God, I'm getting all girly again, aren't I? It just makes my stomach squirm to know that he knows me. That he smiled when he saw me. That he he's actually gonna use me in a report. Wow.

I thought about Lee and Jimmy today, (as though I could STOP thinking about it) and wondered if...you know...if that actually 'works'. The whole, 'gay guy offering a straight guy sex' thing, I mean. What if I could....nahhhh! He'd never go for that. But...what if he did? Like, if I could get Jamie Cross...THE Jamie Cross...to let me have sex with him, I'd actually be willing to let Jimmy slide. Jamie is the ONE boy around here that could ever possibly be hotter than Lee is. Imagine that? Jimmy and I would be the luckiest gay boys on the whole planet! Wild, huh?

I went back to swimming class today, and made sure not to look at Bobby no matter what. I did, however, notice that Kevin has the biggest penis of all the ones I've seen so far. But he's tall, so I guess that's expected He's got more hair than me too. Should I be weird about that? Nah, I don't think so. It's just something I noticed. Kyle has got a really sexy stomach too, if there is such a thing. It's not a six pack or anything, it's just really flat and smooth and he's got a cute belly button. I like it. Not that you can really do much with a stomach other than kiss it. But it's nice anyway.

I did notice that Bobby's ass looks just as hot in speedos as it does naked. So now I can't look at him during class either. I can't look during class, I can't look in the showers, I can't look in the locker room while we're getting dressed or undressed, I can't look at him fully clothed while we're in the hall, and I can't talk to him about anything...'sweet'. He's driving me crazy trying to stay undercover. I was better off when he was ditching class.

At lunch today, Brandon was acting slightly stranger than usual, but when I asked him what was up, he kept saying, "Nothing. Don't ask." I was hoping that I'd make some kind of sense out of that statement once I wrote it down and actually looked at it with my own two eyes.

Hmmm.....nope. I got nothing. Still weird.

But he did have his notebook on the table while we were eating, and he kept opening and closing it over and over again. Like...he had something written in it, but I couldn't read it because he was on the other side of the table, so it was upside down. Anyway, we'd be talking, and then he'd get kind of uncomfortable for a second, but he'd still be smiling. Then he'd open the notebook, and look at what he wrote, and then he'd look back at me for a second, and then he'd...I don't know...chicken out or something. Then he'd close it back again, I'd ask him what's up, and he'd tell me, "Nothing. Don't ask." I might have been frustrated by his little peek-a-boo game if he wasn't being so damn cute about it. He knows I melt when he smiles and blushes. And when the bell rang for next period, he actually ripped a few pages out. The ones with the writing on them. And he folded them up, and just kinda sat there at the table. His fingers fiddled with them a bit more, and at first I thought he was gonna give it to me to read. But then he just shoved it back in his notebook and started getting his stuff together.

To be honest, I was kinda disappointed. I was kinda hoping that he had written something for 'me', you know? Can you imagine? That would be awesome. But whatever it was...I guess it was for somebody else. I hope it's not for a GIRL! I'd hate to have to snatch some bitch's hair out over my man! Hehehe!

Anyway, I've got a ton of homework tonight, and I've got to at least put some kinda half ass effort into it before I turn it in. I'll write more soon. Later.

Ps- Ok...I took just ONE peek at Bobby as he was coming out of the pool! He was walking up the ladder on the side, and the speedos fell in between that tight cleft of his, and....mmmm...it was dripping wet and....God, I should try to get with him just once. Just ONE time, and that's it! Mmmph! Tasty!

- Billy