- Do you know what somebody actually asked me today? They asked me if me and Michelle were dating. What??? DATING??? Where in the hell did THIS assumption come from? Evidently, letting her touch my hair and give me hugs on such a regular basis makes us look like a happy couple or something. Well...in a way I suppose that it makes sense. But that's NOT what I want people to believe! I mean...what if there's this really really cute boy in the closet who wants to approach me, and the first thing he sees is some GIRL with her hands in my hair. He's gonna go off and screw some other guy! And I have to stay a virgin! I can't have that! If things are looking 'odd' to people when they see us together like that, then I might have to put a stop to our physical contact altogether. Michelle is sweet and all, and the touching feels good, but she's just my friend. I don't want people getting the wrong idea.

So...today's events...

First of all, I made a complete ass out of myself today in gym class. Woo hoo...it's awesome to be an unbeievable loser in front of all of your classmates. Sighhhh...I mean, what the hell IS gym anyway??? It's like a second recess...but with rules. How stupid is that? Look, I'm not the most athletic person in the world, ok? I get it. I understand that there are testosterone heavy games out there that were made by a bunch of strong heterosexual people a long long time ago, where they take a round bouncy ball of some sort and put it over a net, or into a hoop, or in a hole, or through a goal of some kind...with a virtual army of people trying to prevent them from doing so. Yeah, it's great, I'm sure. I'll bet it makes some people feel like real winners. But I just....ARGH!!!! I CAN'T PLAY, OK?!?!?! I don't understand WHY the fuck these people feel the need to force me into revealing that to the masses everyday at 2 PM. Do they ENJOY seeing me stumble all over the place, while the straight boys run circles around me? It's not fair! It's a sick practice, I tell you! I get scared when they pass me the ball, and the nervousness doesn't help any. So I end up practically falling flat on my face, and I just...I SUCK! Sigh...I really need a teacher's note for these things. I'll break a leg or jump out in front of a bus if I have to! Hell, I'd lick every tree in the neighborhood if I thought it would give me a disease rare enough to get me out of gym class and yet stay somewhat functional in the other areas of my life. I'm going to cross out the word 'gym' on my personal schedule, and write in 'daily dose of major humiliation hour' instead. Sickness.

I did get one big kick out of it, though. I saw Jamie outside today, playing around with some of his friends. So naturally I stopped to look, and they were trying to jump up on this branch in the middle of the school lawn. So Jamie tries, and he's kinda tall, so he snags it and hangs on. Oh man...his shirt came up, and I could see his firm flat stomach...looking sooooo tastey. Omigod, he's SO fine! He has the cutest belly button in existence! I'd never seen it before today. It's incredible. Almost an innie, and almost an outie at the same time. God, I'd SO suck on his belly button if he'd let me! And he has those 'lines' too! You know, those sexy 'V' lines on the side of your hips that lead down and disappear into his pants...but you know they're joining around that scrumptious piece of meat between his legs. I swear, the image of him hanging from that branch is locked into my mind forever. Clear as a DVD freeze frame. I had quite a few jack off sessions over that little occurrence this afternoon, believe me. Every detail was plastered in my brain, from the fine scattering of hairs under his navel, to the way his light green boxers came up just an inch and a half above his pants. I swear, the orgasm was so real that I could feel him licking me all over! I'll never be rid of my love for that boy. Never!

You wanna know something? Seeing Simon in school today was a slightly different experience today. It made me wonder if my advances on him the last time we were together made an impact afterall. He was just being beyond friendly today, and he talked a lot more, and he just seemed happier. You know, more comfortable. What if that's my sign? My new omen that will eventually lead to him and me rolling around on the bed and kissing until our tongues our sore and we can't breathe anymore? Wow...oh wow. What does Simon feel like when you touch him? All those private places that he hides so well beneath that thin layer of clothing he wears every day. What does he taste like? Could it possibly be as sweet and inviting as I imagine, judging from the sweet aroma of him when I get close enough to catch a whiff or two? What does Simon sound like when he's being made love to? Does he whimper? Does he sigh quietly to himself? Does he talk, encouraging me with whispers of 'I love you' and 'yeah, that's good' and 'oh god, oh god'? Does he restrain his vocal appreciation to a high pitched whine? Or does he let loose with moans and groans that can be heard from the other room? Does he squirm? Is he more submissive? Or does he take more of a lead?

Man...just THINKING about him in that way was an emotional hyperdrive in itself. My mind would envision the scenario so vividly that my body would react accordingly, covered with a feeling of unbelievable lust, my hormones acting as though I was actually taking part of the sensual act for real. I swear...when I suck on my tongue really hard, I swear that I can actually taste him! It's incredibly! Ahhhh, WANT him, dude! Seriously! I don't know how to take things any further than they already are, but I definitely want to keep trying. I'll work on better plan. I'll invite him over again tomorrow after school. I'll do it as soon as I see him so he can't make any other plans with some dumb guy who ISN'T trying desperately to fuck him! Hmmm....maybe we can make it, like, a weekly thing, where I'd keep getting more opportunities to jump on him. He'd have to give in eventually. He'd HAVE to! Looking at him at lunch today...I never wanted to kiss him (or anybody) more. Well....except for Jamie Cross, of course. But why even mention that? It's a given. All I know is...one day, very soon...Simon's cute little blond ass is gonna be mine, all mine! This I vow!

Shit, I've gotta run. If I don't start my report on the last few chapters of "Hamlet", I'm never gonna get to sleep tonight. I'll write more later. Seeya!

-Billy

- Ok....so, I'm a little closer than I was before, but I don't think I've really made my point yet. What am I doing wrong? I'm trying to get him hard, how difficult can that be?

Hmmm....I dunno, do a few really GOOD cheap feels and an 'almost' kiss count as a sexual experience? I don't know exactly WHAT it was that we had, but I DID get more out of Simon than usual. And yet, not NEARLY as much as I was hoping for. But I should just count my blessings and stay brave for the next time. And there WILL be a next time!

So anyway, he came over as planned, and headed right for the video games just as I expected him to. (We had been having this discussion about who was the best at Resident Evil. BIG mistake! That game takes forever, and it took up most of the time I had to...to...you know...seduce him...or whatever. I should have picked a fighting game. They're much quicker.) Anyway, the whole time he was playing, I was staring at him. Do you know what I think his best feature is? His neck. His long, creamy white, smooth, lickable, neck. Does that sound weird? I couldn't take my eyes off of it! I already jacked off thinking about it before even writing this! Not that I could fuck a NECK...at least...I don't THINK I can...but whatever, it's a very nice neck. Hehehe! Anyway, he's got a really cute voice too, you know that? I could just close my eyes and let the vibrations tickle my eardrums for an entire day straight. It's like this awesome pitch. Not really girly, but a bit high for a boy, you know? And he's so much cooler than people give him credit for. He needs to be up there on the top of the social scale with the jerks and primadonnas that rule over the rest of the school. Sometimes I wonder if anybody ever really appreciates the little shit the way that I do. Simon is sweet! And I don't know if they'll ever see it.

Anyway, back to my confusing definition of a possible failure today...

So he was getting into the game and stuff, and I was trying desperately to find a way to make him horny or something. Anything to get him in the mood to say something to me about getting naked! And believe me, this is a lot harder than you would think it would be. I mean, either he wasn't getting the hints I was whipping at him, or he just didn't want to acknowledge them. Again, I tried wrestling around with him a bit, hoping that the friction between our bodies would get him at least a little bit hard, but he didn't really respond the way I wanted him to. So...while he was playing the game, I tried to make him lose his concentration. At least that's what I told him I was trying to do. I mean, what greater opportunity than THAT does a teenage boy have to touch another boy in all the right places. That's kinda when I developed an infatuation with his neck. I ran my finger across, trying to make him jump or something....and omigod...it was soooooooo smooth! It was covered with this really soft, light blond, dusting of peach fuzz all over it, and it kinda tickled the end of my fingertips when I touched it. It was AWESOME! I got to touch his hair, and tickle hs side (Omigod, his side was SO damn soft and spongy, except for his ribs), and then came the big one. I pretended (PRETENDED....yeah, right!) to be gay, and put my hand on his thigh. Now, Simon was trying hard to concentrate and not laugh. He said that I wasn't going to shake him no matter what. So I decided to see just how far he'd let me take things. And I rubbed his inner thigh! His INNER THIGH!!! Helloooo??? Now THAT felt damn good! He was giggling a bit, he has a cute giggle, but he was too busy concentrating on the game to resist or even think about what I was doing. I leaned in really close, wondering if I could work in a little kiss on the cheek or something. My heart was beating soooo hard, I thought I would DIE! I moved to press my lips on the side of his mouth...but he leaned away from me fast before I could make contact. He was still smiling, but it was apparently too soon to make that kinda big move on him. I was so scared that he'd suddenly get mad if I went any further, and I backed off a bit. But it was like I couldn't help myself. It felt like I was possessed. And once he let me touch his thigh without flinching....I was HOOKED! So I moved up a bit, let my hand slide up further. Every inch was like a mile to me, and I was so nervous that I think my ears popped! But I kept going, hoping, PRAYING, that he'd let me touch him there! And just..like...'hold it' for a few seconds. To feel it get hard in my hands and, like...just squeeze it a little. God, what was I DOING? I felt the warmth of his thigh, and I went up even further...and further...and further, and then I FINALLY got close enough to kinda touch his balls with my fingers! But he suddenly laughed out loud and paused the game, pushing my hand away and slapping me on the arm.

Simon's all like, "Quit it, dude!!! I'm trying to play, you freak!"

And I'm nervously laughing too, but not really, you know? Because I'm terrified that he stopped me so fast and I thought he might be mad! But I'm like, "So PLAY! I'm not stopping you!"

And he's like, "You are when you're grabbing my fruit basket, ya pervert!" And we laughed a little bit more, but deep down I was disappointed as hell that he wouldn't let me touch him there. I WANTED to. I wanted to touch him everywhere. He's so fucking cute, I swear! But, I guess that today was not meant to be the day it happened. I had to sorta limit my grabbing after he cut me off, so that sucked big time. But I DID get a handfull of that beautiful bubble ass before he left though! Hehehe! I just reached out and grabbed it! I made sure to laugh so he'd think I was goofing around, but....WOW...I liked that part! God, I wanted to lick my fingers as soon as I closed the door! Hehehe! I don't know...I mean, he SEEMS kinda gay to me sometimes, but other times, I'm just not sure. It's like he just likes to play this 'game' with me. And I want to play an entirely different game with him, if only he'll let me. I mean, what's the big deal? It'll feel good! I KNOW it will! He can't deny that! I mean, what happens if I just come right out and ask him to let me suck him off? Just once. He'll let me, won't he? And he'll want to come back for more, I know he will.

I worked it out logically in my mind, and if I was just honest with him, and asked him to let me do it, he'd probably say yes. Who WOULDN'T say yes to a blowjob? I mean, c'mon! If I just asked him straight out, he'd probably be a little nervous at first. But once I assured him that I wouldn't tell anybody and that he could come over and have it done anytime he wanted...he'd come around every damn day. I would! Wow, he must taste sooo good! Downright DELICIOUS!!!

Ok...I think...I think I should take a break and end this right here. I've got some pent up sexual frustration to take care of right now before I burst. So, adios for now! Wish me luck for next week. I'll get him soon, you'll see! And I'm gonna suck on that neck until he begs me to stop! And then for a few minutes more!

Later.

- Billy (The neck fetish blond)