Date: Wed, 29 Dec 1999 12:27:07 EST
From: Rysh1422@aol.com
Subject: Bleeding Hearts - Chapter 18

Here's the last chapter of the millennium! I hope you all have a wonderful,
blessed New Year! May the year 2000 bring new levels of acceptance and
freedom to everyone, everywhere! Oh, and watch out for the cliffhanger at
the end...it's a doozy. I decided to end the century with a bang! LOL :o)

http://www.familyshoebox.com/family/bleeding-hearts

Chapter 18

	My mind raced as I decided the best way to answer Asher's seemingly
simple question. How much had he heard? If he'd been there for more than a
few minutes then he'd heard me tell Jake that I liked him. There was no
point in lying either way.

	"Yeah," I said simply.

	Asher closed his eyes for a second and then opened them again. Pain
flashed out of them like the beam from a lighthouse.

	"Asher," I started, not sure where I was going with this, but
feeling as if I had to say something.

	"You don't have to explain anything to me, Killian," he said
quietly. "You don't owe me anything. You said you wanted us to be friends
and that's all we are."

	"Asher," I tried again, still not sure what I wanted to say.

	"Killian, look, I heard you tell Jake that you liked him. You also
told him that you wanted to take things slow, so that means you want to
pursue something with him. I didn't even know he was gay, or bi or whatever
he is, but it's obvious where that leaves me." I opened my mouth again, but
he kept right on, "Don't say anything, please. It'll only make it
worse. I'll be ok if that's what you're worried about. I've lived without
you just fine so far and I'll survive again. Yes, I care about you a lot;
maybe I'm even in love with you. I don't know because I've never been in
love with anyone before so I don't know what to compare it to. I do want to
be friends with you at least. Just...I think I'll need some time for a
while. I'll let you know when I'm ready. I'd better go now before I do
something that would embarrass us both."

	With that, he stood up and walked toward the door.

	"Asher, wait," I said, louder than I intended, but it had the
desired effect. He stopped in his tracks, but kept his back turned towards
me. "Yes, I like Jake. He is gay and I'm attracted to him and yeah, maybe
it could develop into something more; but for now, we are just friends -
same as you and me. I never stopped liking you, but I don't think I'm in
love with anyone, you or Jake. I just need time to figure all this out. In
the meantime, I hope you don't think I'm being too selfish because I want
to stay friends with you."

	Asher slowly turned and faced me again and I could see the
glistening tracks left by a few tears that had managed to squeeze through.

	"I don't think you are selfish and I don't want to be either, so if
being with Jake is what makes you happy, then I want you to be with
Jake. But I don't want to lose our friendship either; it's the best thing
in my life."

	We both moved towards each other at the same time and hugged
tightly. Asher started to cry quietly on my shoulder and I pulled him
closer as I rubbed his back.

	"No matter what, we'll always be friends," I whispered into his
hair.

	He pulled back a little, keeping his arms around my neck, then
leaned in for a quick peck on the lips. "I really do have to go, Kill," he
said softly.

	"Ok, Asher," I said, stepping back. He turned and walked out,
pausing in the doorway before continuing out of sight.

				* * *

	The next week passed quickly with preparations for Kane's arrival
and the costume ball. Adam bought a set of twin beds to replace the double
bed in our room and another dresser was moved in from the guest room. I
tried on my costume which I had to admit looked really awesome. I was over
at Gilly and Jake's several times that week helping them decorate, but Jake
and I kept our distances under the watchful eye of Todd.  I talked to Asher
a few times but we didn't really hang out or anything. Before I knew it,
Friday was here; and that meant that Kane should be there by the time I got
home from school.

	I was so excited as I drove home; it was like I was officially
gaining a brother today. I pulled up beside Eve's car and ran inside. Kane
was just coming down the stairs and he leaped the last few steps and threw
himself at me with a feral howl, flinging his arms around my neck in a huge
bear hug that I thought would break my spine. For a little guy, he had
surprising strength.

	When he finally let me go and I had caught my breath enough to
speak, I panted, "Kane! I can't believe you're actually moving in!"

	"I know! It all happened so fast. One day I'm wishing I could live
here and the next I'm here. And I owe it all to you, big bro!" With that,
he launched himself at me again. If this kept up I'd need a neck brace
before long.

	"Well isn't this touching?" a caustic voice said from above. I
looked up to see Eve standing at the top of the stairs in all her fairy
splendor. She was wearing a long white, airy dress with a scarf that almost
seemed to float around her. It created an eerie effect of wings. As she
walked down the stairs, the dress and scarf swirled around her in a
mesmerizing ethereal display that made it almost seem as if she was
floating. When she reached the bottom of the stairs she broke the spell by
speaking once again, "Is this your boyfriend, Kane?"

	"Mom, this is Killian. He lives here with Dad. He's like my
brother."

	"We've met," she said as she shot a withering glance in my
direction before fixing Kane with a piercing glare, "And you only had one
brother; his name was Seth. In case you've forgotten already, he was
murdered because he was gay."

	My mouth dropped open at the coldness in her voice and I winced
when I saw the raw pain in Kane's eyes.

	"Well, Kane, you know how to get in touch with me if you change
your mind about all this. I've got to go. Tell your father I said good
bye."

With that she swept past us, her scarf actually dragged across my face as
she blew by. When she reached the door she stopped. At first I thought it
was for dramatic effect, but suddenly she spun around and ran quickly to
Kane and enveloped him in a tight hug. I was surprised by the sudden
display of emotion; I hadn't thought she possessed any. It was over as
quickly as it had begun and she was out the door before Kane could even
react, leaving him stunned and more than a little confused.

	He stood still for a moment, too overwhelmed to even know what to
do. He looked over at me and suddenly burst into tears. My arms were around
him in a moment as he cried on my shoulder.

	"I never knew she loved me, Killian," he gasped after a few
minutes. "I never knew and now she's gone."

	"She isn't gone forever, Kane," I whispered as I tightened my arms
around him.

	"Yes she is. She walked out and I'll never see her again. I just
know it."

	"Kane, calm down. Where's Adam? Where's your dad?"

	"He went for a walk, he said he couldn't take Mom anymore."

	"Ok, well listen to me Kane. If your mom loves you then she isn't
gone forever. She'll want to see you again."

	"You don't know my mom. When she found out that Seth was gay, he
moved in with Dad and she never saw him again. She never even mentioned
him; it was like he was dead before he even died. And now he is dead and I
never even got to say goodbye to him."

	He started sobbing again and I led him over to the couch where we
sat down. I realized as we sat there with Kane crying on my shoulder that I
had never really grieved Seth's death myself. I'd thrown myself into
finding out who killed him, but I hadn't really fully grieved his death. Of
course, when you get right down to it I'd only known him for two
weeks. Still we were already friends and we would have been even better
friends if we had been given the chance.

It all seemed so surreal now that I thought about it. I mean I hadn't
really known Seth that well and here I was living in his house, with his
dad, in his room, with his brother. I was living the life that was meant
for him. It was quite a sobering thought.

	I heard the front door open followed by footsteps.

	"Adam?" I called.

	"Yeah?"

	"We're in the living room," I told him.

	He stopped short when he saw Kane's tear-streaked face.

	"What happened?" he said, suddenly hoarse. He was at Kane's side in
a second and Kane transferred from my shoulder to his.

	"He's afraid he'll never see his mom again," I explained.

	"She loves me, Dad, and now I'll never see her again," Kane said in
a tear-filled voice.

	"Of course she loves you, Kane," Adam said, his voice filling up as
well, "It's just that she's always had a hard time showing it. I'm sure
you'll see her again."

	I left them to talk alone and went up to my room - our room
now. They'd already moved his stuff into the room, but he hadn't had a
chance to put anything away yet. I decided to try to start putting some
stuff away for him. I hadn't made much progress a half-hour later when Adam
and Kane joined me. Kane's eyes were still red and he was still sniffling a
little, but he seemed much better. We worked together for a few hours until
we had his clothes and stuff put away. By then it was past time for dinner
so we all went out to a nice restaurant to celebrate.

	During dinner, the subject of the costume ball came up and we
decided that Kane should go so he could meet everyone at once. I would call
Gilly to be sure it was ok, but I was pretty sure it would be; it was a
pretty big affair. The only thing left was to find a costume for Kane, so
after dinner we headed to Wal-Mart. Pretty much everything was gone, but we
managed to come up with a fairly decent vampire costume. Not entirely
original, but pretty good for last minute.

	After that, we went back to the house and spent the rest of the
night just talking and relaxing. It felt natural and right, as if Kane had
always lived here. Before we knew it, it was late and we knew we had all
better get to bed, we still had some running around to do the next day
before Kane and I went to the party.

	After all the bedtime rituals were over and done with and Kane and
I were settled in our respective beds and the lights had been turned out,
silence descended. It wasn't long, though, before I heard sniffling sounds
from Kane's side of the room.

	"Are you ok, Kane?" I asked softly, barely more than a whisper.

	"Yeah," he whispered back, "I guess so. Its just...there's so much
going on right now and I'm so confused...and it's kinda weird being here
for the first night. Do you think I could sleep with you like I did last
time?"

	"Well, the bed's not as big as before, but I guess so."

	The words had barely left my mouth before he was sliding under the
covers next to me. He wiggled around for a few seconds, then rolled over
and finally settled with his back to me. I laid there for a while, watching
him breathe, then I slipped my arm over him and started to drift off to
sleep. Just before I passed the threshold between wakefulness and sleep, I
heard Kane's barely audible voice.

	"Tell me again how you knew you were gay."

	I thought for a moment about how to answer that. I'd already told
him once and I knew he was trying to figure things out for himself, so I
decided to go into more detail than last time.

	"Well, like I told you before, Seth told me that he thought I was
and then kissed me. It really freaked me out then, but later, I got
thinking about it and realized that he was right. I knew he was right
because I wasn't interested in girls - at all. And it wasn't just that I
wasn't interested in girls, I was interested in guys. At first I didn't
want to believe it, but the more I thought about it the more I realized
that I was. I was really scared and felt really guilty, but I went and
talked to a guy at my church and he helped me feel better about
myself. Then later, I talked a lot to your dad, he's really smart you
know. He helped me a lot. Now I know that there's nothing wrong with me and
it's nothing to be ashamed of, it's just the way I am. When I'm ready, I'll
come out. I have a friend who is gay who talked to some friends on-line who
really helped him work through all that stuff."

	"Killian," he said when I stopped to take a breath, "Do you think
I'm gay?"

	"I don't know, Kane. That's kinda something that you have to know,
I can't decide for you."

	"Would you be mad at me if I wasn't?"

	I sat up and he rolled onto his back so he could look up at me in
the little bit of light that the moon was providing through the window.

	"Why would you think I would be mad at you?"

	"I just don't want to disappoint you. Right now, you're not just my
only friend you're my brother. I want you to like me." With that he started
sniffling again and I knew he was about to cry. I reached out and stroked
his hair.

	"Kane, there's nothing you can do to make me not like you. You're
such a sweet kid. I'm really glad you're my brother. I love you already. Of
course I won't be mad at you if you aren't gay. I want you to be who you
are and that's it. Don't let anybody else try to make you something you're
not."

	He sat up and threw his arms around my neck, squeezing so hard I
could barely breathe.

	"Thank you, Killian," he whispered fiercely in my ear.

	We lay back down with my arm around him again, and just as I was
once again about to doze off, Kane spoke again.

	"I don't think I'm gay. I like girls."

	I squeezed him gently and pulled him tighter against my chest,
"That's ok, Kane."

	"Good."

	And soon we were asleep.

				* * *

	The next day passed quickly and fairly uneventfully and soon enough
it was time to get ready for the costume ball at the Sheridans. As I had
known, Gilly was thrilled that Kane was coming too. Adam helped Kane and I
with our costumes. When we were dressed we looked pretty good, even if I do
say so myself. We decided not to use too much make-up on Kane since no one
knew him yet and we wanted everyone to see what he really looked like. He
wore his hair slicked back and had his vampire teeth in.

	My costume didn't require any special make-up and the hood pretty
much hid my face anyway when it was up. I was still very self-conscious
about the tights, but Adam and Kane assured me that they looked great with
the tunic, which stopped just above my knees. The cloak was surprisingly
heavy once I had it on and I figured I would be hot for the rest of the
night unless Gilly let me lose the cloak. I didn't think she would though
since it kind of made the costume.

	When we were ready, Adam took some pictures then surprised me by
giving me the camera and telling me to be careful with it. After some final
instructions about curfew and the usual parental warnings, we were off in
my car.

	By the time we arrived at Gilly's at what I thought was early, the
yard was already full of cars and we had to park on the road outside the
gate.

	"Wow, there's a lot of people here," Kane said nervously.

	"You'll be fine," I told him. "Just be yourself."

	He took a deep breath and we got out and started for the front
door. Before we got there, however, we were met by the welcoming committee,
namely Zack and Jesse. Zack was dressed as the killer from Scream; he held
his mask in his hand. Jesse was dressed as a bloody corpse.

	"Well, well, well," Zack started in right away in his smarmy
voice. "What do we have here? Who's your friend? Don't tell me this is your
boyfriend? What will Gilly think?"

	"Hi, Zack," I said evenly, being careful not to let any emotion
show. "This is Kane. He just moved here. He's Seth's brother and he's just
like my own brother, so back off and if I see you anywhere near him for the
rest of the night I'll make sure you regret it."

	Zack's eyes widened and Jesse took a step closer. Zack reached out
a hand and stopped him without really touching him.

	"Is that a threat?" he asked in a tight voice.

	"Yes," I said in the same even tone.

	"Don't start something you can't finish, Killian."

	"Who said he can't finish it?" said a new voice.

	I turned to see who had spoken. To my surprise, I found Asher and
Marcus both standing behind Kane. Kane looked somewhat scared, Asher and
Marcus just looked plain angry.

	Zack and Jesse looked at the four of us as we squared off, then
Zack threw me one last dirty look before turning away. As he walked away
with Jesse tagging along behind, he said loud enough for us to hear, "Come
on Jesse, they aren't worth it."

	I turned back to Marcus and Asher.

	"Thanks guys," I said sincerely.

	"No prob," Marcus said, "Hey, Killian, I'm sorry I was kind of rude
the other day when you were asking me about Seth. I was having a bad day
but I still shouldn't have been like that."

	"It's ok," I told him, "Marcus and Asher, this is Kane, Seth's
little brother. He moved in with us today. Kane, this is my best friend
Asher and his brother, Marcus."

	Asher's face lit up when I called him my best friend. Everyone
shook hands and together we walked towards the house once more.

	When we walked inside even I was surprised at what we saw, and I'd
helped decorate. The enormous entry hall had been decorated to look like a
haunted house. Cobwebs were draped everywhere and candles burns eerily in
silver candle sticks and sconces. Dance music thumped from another room and
people in costume were milling around all over.

	Suddenly someone was at my elbow propelling me forward. I flinched
away thinking it was Zack or Jesse, but it turned out to be Gilly.

	"Hey," I exclaimed.

	"Killian, can I talk to you for a second?" she said, her voice
filled with tension.

	"Yeah, but hold on," I said, "This is Kane, Seth's brother."

	She looked at him without seeing him, then started pulling me away
again, "Yeah, great, hi," she mumbled.

	I shrugged towards Kane, Asher and Marcus and allowed myself to be
dragged off towards the kitchen.

	As soon as the kitchen door swung shut, Gilly dropped my arm and
faced me.

	"What's going on with you and Jake?"

	"What?" I gasped.

	"Todd said that something is going on with you and Jake and I
wouldn't have believed him but I saw how you looked at him the other day."

	"Gilly..." I started, but she cut me off, which was just as well
since I hadn't decided what to say or how to handle this yet.

	"Killian, you know I like you. I can't believe you would go after
my own brother."

	"Gilly, you knew from the beginning that I'm gay. We're not even
really going out. It's just a cover. And I'm not going after your brother."

	"Oh yeah, I guess he's going after you then? Is that it?"

	"Yeah, that is it actually," said Jake as he walked into the
room. "You guys might want to keep it down. I could hear you coming down
the hall."

	We both stared at him for a moment before we reacted, Gilly glaring
and me in surprise, then we both reacted at once.

	"Jake, you don't have to..." I started.

	"I hate you!" Gilly screamed.

	Now it was our turn to stare at Gilly, both of us in shock this
time.

	"Don't look at me like that," she seethed. "You, Jake! You knew how
much I liked Killian and you just stand there and calmly tell me that you
went after him? And you, Killian Kendall! You think you can just play with
my emotions, then throw me away when you find someone else?"

	"Gilly, it's not like that and you know it," I said angrily. "You
said from the beginning that you understood that I didn't and couldn't have
any feelings for you beyond friendship. You said that pretending to date me
would be ok with you. You said that you just wanted to be friends; that
this was something you could do for me as a friend. If that's not what you
felt then you should have said so up-front and I never would have played
this stupid game."

	I watched her deflate right in front of me and I immediately
regretted my angry words. Once again, I'd hurt someone I cared about
because of my temper.

	"Oh, I didn't realize that this was all just a game. I'm sorry,
Killian. You're right. I was stupid to think that you could love me. Why
would anybody love me?" She started crying.

	"Gilly, I didn't say that," I said awkwardly.

	"You didn't have to. I should have been satisfied with your
friendship."

	Jake shifted from foot to foot obviously uncomfortable.

	"Look," I said, "There's a party going on out there that you guys
are supposed to be hosting, so go get your costumes on and lets try to have
fun...ok?"

	"Screw you," Gilly said, and stormed off out the back door of the
kitchen.

	"Sorry about that," Jake said, "Maybe I should have stayed out of
it."

	I shrugged, "Maybe, you never know though at the time. You did what
you thought was best."

	He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me for a brief
hug.

	"I'll go get my costume on, I'll meet you on the dance floor," he
said as he backed out the way he'd come.

	"Which is where?" I asked him before he could get away.

	"Set up in the back yard. Just go out the back door...you'll see."

	I went back to the hallway to find Kane, Asher and Marcus, but they
had been replaced by an obnoxious bunch of giggling girls. I decided to
head out to the back yard to see if they were there.

	The music got gradually louder so that by the time I reached the
back door it was almost deafening. When I opened the door it was like
walking into a wall, an almost physical wave of vibration and sound washed
over me.

	I stood in the doorway and gaped. A raised platform had been set up
in the backyard and it filled the entire open space. Lights had been strung
through the trees and dozens of spotlights were flashing different colored
lights onto the dance floor. Dance music pumped out of huge speakers set up
in strategic locations and people writhed, wiggled, bumped and grinded
everywhere. I stepped out into the mass of bodies and started my futile
search for someone I knew. I hadn't really taken the time to see what Asher
and Marcus were wearing, but vampires were everywhere. So were Scream masks
and ghouls. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Zorro, who on
closer inspection turned out to be Asher.

	"Great costume!" I yelled over the music. And it was. It was all
black, with leather boots and mask and a long flowing cape. He wore tight
black pants and a loose blousy black shirt that was open halfway down his
chest. I wondered how I had missed it earlier. I decided that he couldn't
have been wearing the whole ensemble at the time.

	"Yours too," he screamed back.

	"Gilly found it."

	"I know, I heard you talking about it with Jake."

	Time to change the subject, "Where's Kane?"

	Asher pointed behind me and I turned around to search the crowd. It
took me a minute but finally I spotted him and Marcus talking to a group of
girls dressed as three fairies in three different color dresses. He was
definitely straight too, judging by the way he was ogling the shortest
fairy's generous cleavage. Marcus wasn't wearing a costume.

	"Where's Marcus' costume?" I asked.

	"He didn't want to wear one. I said that was dumb since it was a
costume ball, but he told me to shut up so I did."

	I felt another hand on my back; this time when I turned around I
couldn't tell who it was right away. Well, I could tell it was Batman, but
who was under the mask and skin-tight costume I couldn't tell. It was
obvious, however, that he was in very good shape and I couldn't help but
wonder if that was a codpiece in there...

	He motioned to me to follow him. I looked at Asher who just
shrugged, some help he was.

	I decided to follow the caped crusader and see what happened. There
were hundreds of people here; I couldn't see how he could hurt me with so
many people around so I figured I was safe. He led away from the lights and
crowds and into the shadows of some nearby trees. Once there, he reached up
to remove the mask, but before he could, the music stopped. We both turned
towards the DJ stage that was set up at one end of the dance floor.

	Standing in the spotlight, microphone in hand was Gilly in a
totally different costume than what she had showed me. She was dressed in
an elaborate gown that looked like something out of the movie Elizabeth or
Shakespeare in Love. Her hair was piled up on top of her head and her
cheeks were bright red. I couldn't tell if it was from anger or if it was
blush.

	"Hello everyone," she said into the microphone. "I hope everyone is
having a good time so far." An enormous roar greeted her, "Please remember
that no drugs or alcohol is allowed at my parties and if you are caught
with either, you will be asked to leave." Scattered boos met this
statement. Gilly ignored them and plowed on. "Before we turn the music back
on I have an important announcement to make."

	I noticed someone moving quickly towards the stage, but I couldn't
quite tell who it was.

	"It's time you all found out the truth about someone you all know,"
Gilly went on. I felt as if someone had dumped cold water all over me. The
person was pushing through even faster towards the stage now. I felt myself
take a few steps forward myself...as if I could somehow stop her.

	"That person is..."