Date: Sat, 18 Sep 1999 14:27:55 EDT
From: Rysh1422@aol.com
Subject: Bleeding Hearts - Chapter 2

Chapter 2

	I stopped in my tracks, right in the middle of the hallway. Seth
kept walking for a few feet then stopped.
	"I think I can find it from here dude, thanks," he said and walked
off into the crowd.
	I'm not sure how long I stood there, maybe just a few seconds,
maybe minutes. I was lost in thought and I didn't care. The stream of
people flowed around me and I didn't notice any of them.
	Suddenly someone grabbed me around the neck and got me in a
headlock.
	"What are you doing, Space Boy?" they yelled, "Waiting for your
people to come back and get you?" It was Asher.
	"Get off me, Asher," I said sharply.
	"Whoa dude," he said letting go, "What's wrong?"
	"Nothing, I just gotta get home."
	"Well if you're in such a rush why were you just standing there?"
	"It's nothing. I've got to go."
	I started off quickly down the hall and Asher rushed to keep up
with me. "Dude, Kill, man, what is up?" he asked again. When I didn't
answer he said, "The gangs getting together tonight to hang out, maybe
catch a movie. You wanna go?"
	"No thanks," I said. By now we were at the door to the student
parking lot. My dad had given me a car for my 16th birthday, one of the new
Volkswagen Bugs. Maybe he thought it would make me popular. If so, he was
destined to be disappointed again. I headed for my car with Asher still on
my heals. Just then, Zachary intercepted us.
	"Hey Zack," Asher called out.
	"Hey Asher. Hey Killian," Zack said as I started to unlock my
car. "Didn't I see you with that new kid right after the bell?"
	I looked up, dropping my keys in the process. As I bent down to
pick them up I answered, "Yeah, his name's Seth."
	"I know," Zack said, "He's in my second period class. We all had to
share 5 things about ourselves. You know what his were?"
	I had the door open by now, but I didn't get in. I felt frozen
where I stood.
	"What?" Asher asked.
	"#1 he just moved here from Baltimore.  #2 he swam on a team at the
school he came from #3 he likes acting. #4 he lives with just his dad #5,"
Zack paused dramatically, "#5...he's a faggot."
	"WHAT?" Asher yelled.
	"Yeah, man. A real live fairy," Zack laughed.
	"Who's a fairy?" Jesse asked as he walked up to us. "Killian?"
	Everybody laughed, except me, then Zack said, "No, at least I don't
think so. You're being awful quiet there, man."
	I shrugged and started getting in my car. "
	"So who's a fairy?" Jesse asked again.
	"That new kid, Seth," Zack told him.
	"No way! How do you know? Did he hit on you?"
	"No! He better not, unless he wants to end up a dead fairy," Zack
said and they all laughed again.
	"He seemed nice to me," I said before I had time to think.
	As one they all turned to stare at me.
	"Man," Asher said, "Don't tell us you're a fag too, Killian."
	"I didn't say I was gay," I said quietly but firmly, "I just said
that I thought he seemed nice. Why does that make me gay?"
	"Because he is, Kill," Zack said, "You don't hang out with fags
unless you are a fag."
	"Bullshit," I said angrily. "Hanging out with you guys doesn't make
me an idiot." I slammed the door, started the car and drove off, leaving
them staring after me with their mouths gaping. I have no clue where that
came from. I have never ever reacted like that.  I thought about it all the
way home. Thoughts were flying through my mind like bullets and they seemed
just as hard to grasp. When I came to my house at the last minute I decided
to keep driving. I wasn't ready to face any one at home. I was still tense
and confused from the strange scene in the parking lot. I decided to drive
to the beach.  We were having unseasonably cool weather for September in
Maryland so I didn't expect for there to be many people there and I was
right. I parked the car, fed the meter and started out on the beach.  I had
been walking for about 15 or so minutes when I was surprised to hear
someone call my name. I turned and caught my breath. It was Seth and he was
jogging towards me. He had changed out of the jeans and polo shirt he'd
worn to school and now he was wearing adidas jogging pants and t-shirt.
"Hi Killian," he said when he got to me, only slightly out of breath.
"Hi," I said looking at my feet.  "What are you doing here?" he asked.  "I
just needed to get out so I decided to take a walk. The beach always calms
me." I told him.  "I live here," he told me as if I'd asked, "I like to jog
on the beach. Like you said, it calms me, too."  When I didn't say anything
he continued, "Look, if you don't want to talk to me, I'll understand. I
mean I know I probably freaked you out when I said I was gay, but I hate
lying. It's better to get things out in the open right away. That's why I
told you." Still I didn't say anything and he seemed to have a real need to
fill in the silence so he continued on. "I mean I'm used to everybody
hating me. My own family hates me so why shouldn't you..."  "I don't hate
you," I interrupted.  He stood looking at me with surprise for a few
seconds. "You don't?"  "No," I said, "I don't even know you, why would I
hate you?"  "Because I'm gay."
	"That's not a reason to hate somebody."
	"Everyone else seems to think so."
	"I've never been one to go with the crowd," I said a little
bitterly.
	"I sensed that about you. That's why I sat next to you." We stood
there for a minute not talking, then he said, "Want to go grab a bite to
eat and we can talk?"
	I thought for a few seconds then shrugged, "Sure, why not?" I said.
	We headed up to the boardwalk and found a pizza joint, placed our
order and sat down at a table to wait for our number to be called.
	We talked until the pizza was ready, telling each other general
information about ourselves. The kind of stuff you tell people when you're
just getting to know them. When we had finished eating I asked the question
that had been plaguing me from the beginning. "So how long have you known
you were gay and how did you know?"
	He paused for a moment, looking me in the eyes for so long that I
had to look away. "I guess I knew for a long time before I admitted it to
myself. But I've known for sure for about a year," he began, "I lived with
my mom since my parents split when I was eight. I never really knew what
happened until I was 15. I just knew I hardly ever saw my dad. But when I
was 15, I realized I was gay and decided to come out to my mom. She hit the
roof. Then she hit me. I hit the floor. Long story short; my dad was gay
and that's why they split up. So she kicked me out and I moved in with my
dad."
	I sat staring at him with my chin I'm sure somewhere around my
ankles.
	"So anyway," he went on, "How did I know? Hmmmm. I just knew. I
can't explain it really. I mean beyond the obvious, my attraction to guys
over girls. I can tell with other people too you know. Its called gay-dar."
A big grin started spreading across his face.
	"Oh really?" I asked, suddenly feeling a little nervous. I wasn't
sure why. I mean I wasn't gay, so what did I have to worry about? Sure I'd
never dated girls, never even been interested in them if I was honest with
myself, but I'd never been interested in guys either. Had I? Doesn't
everybody take peeks in the locker room? And all I felt towards Asher,
Jesse and Zack was friendship. Right? Thoughts of wrestling with Asher
flashed through my mind. Enjoying the closeness of his body, trying to hide
a hard-on. I shook my head to clear the images and hoped I wasn't blushing.
	He was still smiling.
	"Why are you smiling?" I said testily.
	Seth laughed. "I dunno. Its better than crying."
	I glanced down at my watch and gasped. "Whoa, I'm late. I gotta go
or I'm gonna be dog meat." I pulled out my wallet and threw some money on
the table, enough to cover my part of the bill. "Bye, dude. See ya in
school tomorrow."
	"Okay," he called after me, "See ya, Killer!"
	I stopped in the doorway and smiled back at him. Killer...I liked
it!