SUMMARY: At a time of national turmoil, the lives of four boys become connected as each struggles to accept his sexuality and to address the challenges he faces in life. To the extent the boys succeed in coming to grips with those challenges, it may be in ways that prove surprising or troubling. This story is also being published on my blog and you can find a longer synopsis there. While some events, locations and features in the story have been moved forward or back in time for dramatic and other purposes, it takes place during an era when prejudice against homosexuals is rampant and the gay revolution in America is still in its infancy. Italics are typically used within the story to indicate what a character is thinking or saying to himself. Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental.

WARNING: Sex is not the primary focus of this story. If you're looking for erotic content, you'll do much better with other stories on Nifty. While sexual content is secondary and incidental, the story does include some scenes that depict sex and violence, sometimes graphically depending upon the characters and circumstances involved. For that reason, the story is intended for mature audiences only. If you do not wish to read such material or it is illegal for you to do so, please look elsewhere. The story remains the property of the author and may not be reproduced in any form without written permission. It is protected by the copyright laws of the United States and other countries. You may download a single copy to read offline and to share with others as long as you credit me as the author, but you may not use this work for commercial purposes. You may not use any of the characters, bars or other fictional locations described in the story in your own work without my explicit permission. Nor may you use, alter, transform, or build upon this story in any way.

AUTHOR NOTES: I plan to finish posting Part I of this story by September 6th. After that I will only be posting one chapter a week and chapters will always be posted on my blog first. This is my first effort at writing a story. Comments and constructive criticism are welcome. Flames will be ignored. If you would like to let me know what you think, feel free to contact me at

THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER: In Chapter 10, Josh and Nolan return to the farm after the incident with the coach. Initially too upset to do anything, the boys eventually start kissing again. One thing leads to another and Josh and Nolan end up taking their relationship to another level by doing something they've never done before. In the morning, Nolan's Mom tells him that she and his father are going to take him on a tour of two nearby colleges. Nolan persuades them to bring Josh along as well. They spend most of the day touring Middlebury College and then drive on to Williamstown, Massachusetts. The boys take a shower together in the room they're sharing. After one final check by Nolan's Dad, the boys are left alone for the evening.


Part I - Innocence Aroused

Chapter 11

Alone at last, I remember thinking, and almost immediately I could feel myself becoming aroused.

I turned around, looked over at Josh on the couch, and smiled. Then I made a mad dash for the bedroom, with Josh in hot pursuit once he realized where I was headed. Just as I was about to dive on to the bed nearest the door, Josh wrapped his arms around me and lifted me off the floor like I was some kind of little rag doll. I started giggling and squirming, trying to escape his grasp. But the harder I tried, the tighter he held me.

Eventually Josh relented and set me down on the floor, then turned me around so the two of us were facing each other. We just stood there staring at one another for a couple of moments, then picked up pretty much where we had left off the previous evening, locking our lips together and kissing each other passionately.

I wanted to laugh.

What ever happened to that boy who told me kissing another boy would be totally weird?

Because there he was, his arms wrapped around my neck, kissing me passionately and both of us loving it. When he reached down and placed a hand on my thigh, I went weak in the knees and my legs started to shake. I would have collapsed if Josh hadn’t been there to hold me up.

By then he was running his hands all over my body, trying to find the places where his touch would have the biggest effect. As he ran his hand between my groin and my thigh, I started to moan, softly. Then he started kissing my neck and my shoulders, and my body began shaking uncontrollably.

“So good,” I moaned over and over, replaying his words from the previous evening. “That feels so good, Josh.”

Wrapping my arms behind my head, I thrust my chest forward, offering him my nipples. He placed his lips on the left one first, then the right, alternating back and forth quickly in an effort to intensify my pleasure.

“Oh, fuck,” I moaned, collapsing backwards on to the bed and pulling him down with me.

“That feels so amazing,” I said, my voice drifting off into silence even as I closed my eyes and allowed myself to fully appreciate the pleasure my body was experiencing.

I remember being surprised by the whole thing. Surprised he liked doing it so much, for sure, but surprised even more by the reaction it was producing in me.

I was totally helpless now, just waiting for whatever he was going to do next. He could have done anything just then and I wouldn’t have been able to resist. What he did was place his hand on my thigh and begin stroking it, causing me to begin moaning continuously. Then, without warning, his hand came to a rest where he knew I wanted it to be. He was smirking at me. He knew what I wanted him to do.

“If I recall correctly, I was supposed to remind you of something tonight,” Josh said. “But for the life of me, I can’t seem to recall what it was,” he added. “I keep trying and trying to remember, but it’s slipped my mind completely.”

I knew he was toying with me and it might have been amusing at some other time. But I was looking for something else from him right then and it was only reluctantly and without much enthusiasm that I played along

“I could give you a hint,” I replied, trying to summon a smile.

“No, no, you don’t have to do that, Nolan,” he said, still smirking. “I’m sure I’ll remember sometime, maybe in a gazillion years. But I do have a question,” he continued.

“What?” I asked.

“I was just wondering what you wanted to watch on that television over there,” he replied, jumping off of the bed and beginning to walk over to the TV.

“Josh,” I screamed, totally frustrated. “I don’t want to watch any stupid television tonight.”

Could he possibly be serious, I thought?

“Really?” he said, innocently, looking over at me. “No television? Then I guess I’ll have to find something else to do. Why don’t you close your eyes and let me surprise you, Nolan.”

I’m going to kill him for playing with me like this, I remember telling myself.

But I did as he said and closed my eyes.

I could feel the bed shake as he climbed back on. Then he rolled over and I could tell he was next to me from the heat his body was giving off.

Oh, please, Josh, please, I silently pleaded. Please do something, anything, just make me feel like before.

My eyes were still closed when Josh began nuzzling me with his nose and his hair. I don’t know why, but for some reason that drove me crazy. Then he began kissing my neck and my shoulders, just like I had done to him the previous evening. When he touched my thigh and began rubbing it gently again, I lost it completely. I began thrashing around on the bed and I was moaning, softly at first, then louder and louder.

I don’t recall everything that happened after that or how long it took. It seemed like there were times when I was off alone by myself, but then Josh would do something that brought me back to reality. I remember him beginning to kiss me all over my body. I remember being totally relaxed knowing the two of us were there alone together behind a locked door. I remember thinking Josh seemed different somehow, more aggressive than I had ever seen him before. And yet it also seemed like he was doing everything slowly and gently.

I was surprised at just how hard he was working to make me feel good, but it was nice and I remember getting more and more excited as he patiently continued his efforts.

By now my heart was pounding much faster than usual. And then it just seemed to stop beating entirely when Josh finally did what I had been hoping he would do all evening.

I was thinking about how sensuous the whole thing had been when it finally dawned on me what was about to happen.

“Stop,” I screamed. “Stop, Josh.”

But it was too late. I just remember my body tensing up, shuddering once, and then moaning loudly.

“Oh god, I can’t believe what a doofus I am. I’m sorry, Josh, really sorry.”

“Like Yogi Berra said, it’s déjà vu all over again,” Josh replied, laughing. “But it’s okay, Nolan. The whole thing was awesome, just incredibly awesome. Tastes kind of funny though.”

Then he scooted up and kissed me on the lips, gently. I pushed my tongue into his mouth and the two of us just laid there, kissing and embracing one another for what seemed liked the longest time.

Eventually we pushed our pillows up against the headboard and just lay back against it next to one other.

“Did you like it, Josh?” I asked, looking over and staring into his eyes. “Did you like what I did to you last night and what you did to me tonight? I mean, really like it? Be honest.”

“I can’t even begin to tell you how much I did,” he responded. “Last night and tonight were just so special, Nolan, just so incredible. I never thought anything they say is so bad could feel so good.”

“You don’t think what we did last night was wrong, do you, Josh?” I asked. “I would never want you to do something you think is wrong.”

“No, well, I mean, um, I don’t know, Nolan,” he responded. “I mean, all of this is still kind of confusing to me. All my life the only thing I’ve ever heard about homos was how bad they were. How they were twisted and sick and monsters; and how they really belonged in jail or an asylum somewhere. When you never hear anything else, you end up thinking that must be the way it is.”

“But then later on, when I began to have some doubts about myself, it made it hard, really hard. Because I knew I didn’t want to be someone bad and I didn’t understand why I was becoming that way. At times it just seems so freaking complicated, Nolan. Until the last couple of days, I didn’t even know how to kiss. And then last night? Wow! I mean, my body has never experienced anything like that.”

“Sometimes I just don’t know what to think. When I’m alone with you, everything seems perfect. But then, other times, I don’t know. I mean, driving down to Williamstown tonight, I started thinking about what my friends would think if they knew about this, especially the guys on the teams I play on.”

“The words they use,” Josh said. “They’re just so hurtful. Cocksucker is the one that sticks in my mind. The guys at school are always tossing that one around; and, the thing is, it bothers me, Nolan. It really does. I mean, that’s what I just did, isn’t it? When I was doing it, all I could think was just how good you were feeling and how happy that made me. But now? I don’t know what to think.”

He was being totally honest with me and I knew he was still struggling with the whole thing. It didn’t surprise me. Everything he was saying was something I had thought about myself. I had thought about it a lot and I wondered if anything I said could make a difference.

“Well, that’s the thing, Josh,” I responded. “The truth is a lot of the words people use to describe people like you and me are designed to hurt. They use words like that as insults. They want us to feel bad because we’re different and they hate us for that. That’s why they beat us up, physically, verbally, however they can.”

“Like I told you that first night when you spilled the beans, you really need to be strong to be different. And you really need to have a thick skin around people that use those kinds of words. Because when someone uses one of them and they find out it doesn’t bother you, it makes them mad, really mad. You know what I’m saying?”

“I do, Nolan,” Josh replied. “And I know you’re right. But let’s not talk about all of that tonight. I don’t want to think about how nasty people can be anymore. I see that kind of shit at school all the time.”

“Well, what do you want to talk about then,” I asked? “The latest news out of Washington? How the economy is doing? Or maybe all the other fun stuff we could do together perhaps?” I added, toying with him.

“You mean there’s more than what we’ve just done?” Josh asked.

“Definitely,” I replied, and now I was the one smirking at him.

“Oh, come on, Nolan,” he said. “Don’t do this to me. Because if there’s more and it’s as much fun as what we did last night and tonight, I want to learn all about it. And soon, too, really soon,” he added, grinning at me. “You’re a terrific teacher.”

I could see the curiosity in his eyes and decided it was time for a little payback.

“Oh, there’s more, Josh,” I replied, “lots more. I’m just not sure a sweet boy like you is ready for more.”

Take that, Josh. That’s for messing with me before.

“I’m not as sweet as you think,” Josh responded, “and you can just forget about teasing me, Nolan. So what else are you going to teach me tonight, city boy?” he continued, snuggling up next to me real close and smiling at me.

The thing is, there were times when I never knew for sure whether Josh was telling the truth or pulling my chain. I wondered how I was going to explain it to him if he really didn’t know what I was talking about. I knew it would be a hell of a shock. Not knowing what else to do, I leaned over and whispered what I was talking about in his ear.

I knew immediately Josh really had been telling the truth because he started blushing. And I mean really blushing. A lot! He gasped and his whole body turned as red as a firecracker going off on the fourth of July.

“You’re kidding me, Nolan,” he said, shocked. “That can’t be. It’s just not possible, physically I mean. Think about it, Nolan. I mean, hell, neither one of us has the biggest penis in the world, but they’re definitely a whole lot bigger than where you’re talking about putting them. I just don’t see how that’s physically possible.”

“It is,” I insisted. “I’ve seen pictures of guys doing it on the internet.”

“How?” Josh asked again, totally incredulous. “How could they possibly get it in?”

“Well, from what I’ve read, it seems like they use a lubricant to help things go smoothly,” I responded.

“I see,” Josh said, although from the way he was muttering to himself I’m not really sure he did.

“Is it something you think we should try tonight?” he finally asked, looking me in the eyes.

By then it was obvious I had awakened an interest.

“That’s the thing,” I sighed, looking over at him. “I’d like to. But we don’t have what we need to try,” I added.

“Like what?” Josh asked.

“Well, we need condoms for one thing because they’re pretty sure that’s one of the ways you get the HIV virus and AIDS, by guys having sex that way. Condoms can prevent the transmission of the virus. They’re not completely foolproof, but everything I’ve read suggests they’re effective most of the time.”

“But we don’t have any so it doesn’t really matter,” I added. “I just mentioned it as a possibility for the future.”

“We have one,” Josh replied.

“One what?” I asked.

“We have one condom, at least I do,” he added. And with that he hopped out of bed, retrieved his wallet and pulled out the condom.

“I’ve been carrying this thing around since last spring,” he continued. “We had this class on safe sex at school and they gave all the boys a condom. They said it would help prevent unwanted pregnancies. But I only have the one so I guess you should have it. You’re the one who knows all about this stuff. I wouldn’t have a clue what to do. I mean, they didn’t explain any of what you’re talking about in the presentation at school, that’s for sure.”

The thing is, I don’t think he was even aware of it, but at some point Josh had begun rubbing my butt gently with his hand. I could tell he was curious and wanted to try, but he was also trying to be fair. It was one of the things I liked about him. But everything we had done together up to that point was totally new to him.

I mean, yeah, sure, it was new to me too, but I had been thinking about it a lot longer than him and knew a lot more about it from surfing the web. If I showed him how to do something first, it made him a lot more comfortable with the whole thing. I didn’t want to chance messing things up now.

“No way, Josh,” I replied. “It’s your condom. I want you to have it.”

“Maybe we should flip a coin or something,” he finally said, looking over at me.

“That would be okay, too, I suppose,” I replied. “How about I flip and you call,” I said, reaching over to the bureau and grabbing a quarter off of it.

“Ok, sure, I’ll call tails,” Josh said.

“Yours,” he added, smiling, then suddenly blushing intensely.

Poor Josh. He wanted to be wicked so bad, but he had trouble pulling it off and it always made me laugh when he blushed. It made him look like a little boy who had gotten his hand caught in the cookie jar and was trying to explain to his mom how it had all happened accidentally, not because he was trying to steal a cookie.

I flipped the coin in the air, grabbed it, slapped it on to my arm, and then peeked at it.

It had come up heads.

“Tails,” I said, quickly letting it roll off of my arm on to the bed. “You win. At least you win tonight.”

“Really?” Josh said, and I could see he was relieved by his good fortune. “I mean, are you sure you don’t want to do it? I can wait if you want.”

“No, you won,” I lied. “But we’re going to need some kind of lubricant. Can you think of anything?”

“No,” Josh replied. “I don’t have a clue.”

“Me either,” I said, momentarily stumped.

Then it occurred to me.

“What about that skin moisturizer thingy in the bathroom?” I asked. “You know. The thing they left along with the shampoo and conditioner samples. Do you think that would work?”

“I don’t know,” Josh responded. “Maybe. It wouldn’t hurt to try, I suppose.”

With that Josh hastened off to the bathroom and retrieved the little bottle.

“Jeez, there certainly isn’t a lot of it,” he said, looking over at me. “Do you think it’ll be enough?”

“I dunno,” I replied. “Only one way to find out I suppose,” I added, grinning.

Then I rolled over on to my stomach face down on the bed, exposing my butt fully to him.

I had been thinking I would probably have to spend some more time convincing Josh to actually do it. So I remember being a little surprised when he began applying the moisturizer with his finger without further prompting.

Jesus, what have you done to this boy? A week ago he was totally innocent and now look what he’s doing.

The stuff wasn’t exactly cool, but it was definitely wet. I remember closing my eyes and trying to relax. Everything I had read on the internet said you needed to relax to make it easier.

That turned out to be pretty easy actually because Josh was being really gentle.

I’m not really sure how long he worked at it. But the longer he did, the more surprised I became. I had decided to lie about the coin flip because I wanted Josh to have a really good time that evening and thought it would be easier for him if I was the one on the receiving end. I hadn’t really thought it would do anything much for me, but I remember being surprised at just how pleasurable it was as his fingers probed deeper and deeper. To be honest, I was in seventh heaven by that time and really glad I had lied.

I began moaning. The whole thing was turning out to pretty awesome, as Josh would have put it, at least from my point of view.

“Deeper, Josh,” I pleaded.

“Does it feel good?” he asked.

“It feels awesome,” I replied.

After that I pretty much lost track of the time and just about everything else. It was only when Josh finally spoke that I was brought back to reality.

“I’m going to try now,” he whispered in my ear. “If it hurts, just let me know and I’ll stop. I promise, Nolan.”

My heart began pounding much faster than usual, but gradually it settled down. At that very same moment Josh began pressing forward, gently. For a long time, it seemed like the body parts in question were having a bit of a disagreement about the whole thing. So I just closed my eyes and tried to relax until they figured it out.

Just like earlier in the evening, I’m not really sure how it happened exactly. I just remember my body shuddering, then both Josh and myself moaning loudly and simultaneously as we locked together. Everything seemed to happen quickly, but the thing I remember most was just how incredibly pleasurable it felt. Unlike what I had expected, it hadn’t hurt at all.

I must be really queer if I can do this without it even hurting a little.

“Oh, fuck,” Josh groaned, breaking the silence. “That was incredible.”

I was surprised at the word he had chosen because it was exactly the same one running through my mind as well. It had felt incredibly good.

I guess it must be like riding a bike, a little awkward at first but eventually you get the hang of the thing. And I remember thinking Josh must have been an excellent bike rider because it didn’t take very long before he was moving along quite nicely. After that it was like he was on some kind of automatic pilot, thrusting forward and back, over and over again.

The whole thing was just so amazing. I couldn’t believe how much I was enjoying it. But I remember being frustrated too. I couldn’t really see Josh smiling at me. All I could see were the sheets on the bed.

“Stop, Josh,” I suddenly said.

I was surprised at just how disciplined he was because he did it immediately and without hesitating. That’s when I knew I could trust him for sure.

“Is it hurting, Nolan?” he asked, concerned. “I’ll stop if it is.”

“No, it isn’t hurting, Josh,” I replied, trying to reassure him. “The thing is, well, I really want to watch you do it. Would you mind if I turned around and faced you?”

“That would be cool,” he said, backing out. “But how would we do it exactly?”

“Like this,” I replied, rolling on to my back, then lifting my legs and wrapping them around his body.

It took a moment for it to sink in, then Josh started grinning from ear to ear.

“Cool,” he said. “That would be even more awesome than the other way.”

It only took a moment and both of us shuddered as we locked together again. Then Josh pressed forward, more easily now.

“Deeper,” I pleaded. “It feels really, really, good.”

“So cool,” Josh whispered, over and over, smiling at me. “This is so cool, Nolan. It feels really good.”

I lay there smiling at him. I had never felt anything like this before. My body was screaming with pleasure.

“Do you like it as much as me, Josh?” I asked.

“It’s awesome,” he replied. “It’s like we’re a perfect match. I’ve never felt anything like this.”

Josh’s face was flushed now and I could see the hunger he was trying so desperately to satisfy. He was totally into it now, lifting and pulling his hips back, then thrusting forward harder and harder in an effort to intensify the powerful sensations consuming his body.

Toward the end he started thrusting faster and faster. I knew he was getting close.

“Do it, Josh,” I pleaded, my body thrashing around uncontrollably.

I was begging him now and both of us knew it.

“Oh, man, this is it, Nolan,” he whispered, his face caught somewhere between a smile and a grimace.

Then I could feel the explosion inside me and the condom straining momentarily.

“Oh, fuck,” he muttered, then collapsed on top of me. “I can’t believe how awesome that was.”

We laid there together in silence a long time after that. Eventually Josh pulled away and smiled at me.

“Thanks, Nolan,” he said. “That was absolutely, positively, the most totally awesome experience I’ve ever had in my life. And I owe it all to you. Thank you.”

“It was awesome for me too, Josh,” I replied, pulling him closer to me and staring into his eyes. “There was something just so, um, well, I mean, I don’t know how two people could ever be closer than we just were, physically, emotionally, in every way I can think of. Thanks, Josh.”

Later, we started kissing again. We kissed for a very long time.

“I really wish we could kiss all night,” Josh finally said, pulling away from me. “I like it so much. But it’s getting late, Nolan. We need to get to sleep soon or we’ll be too tired to do anything tomorrow.”

“I know it’s late, Josh,” I sighed. “Can you just hold me until the two of us fall asleep?”

“Sure, I would like that,” Josh replied. “I really like holding you a lot.”

Josh rolled over next to me and wrapped me in his arms. I reached over and touched his face with the tip of my finger. Slowly I ran it down to his neck. I put my finger on his lips and he moistened it with a kiss. I knew I had to kiss Josh again. I wanted to taste his kiss so badly right then.

I pulled his head closer to mine and we kissed once again. I tickled his tongue with mine. I was burning up. It was one of those moments you don’t ever want to end.

Eventually I rested my head on Josh’s chest. I was gently massaging his nipples with my fingers. I could hear his breathing getting deeper and deeper. I touched his cheek and looked at his face.

With one final shared kiss, I watched as he fell asleep.