Date: Tue, 14 Oct 2014 19:13:11 -0700
From: Tyde <tyde_2000@yahoo.com>
Subject: Could we?

"You're Steve, right?"

Steve was reaching into his hall locker when he heard the question. The
voice was sort of familiar. When he pulled his head out and moved the
locker door out of the way he was puzzled to find one of the co-captains of
the wrestling team leaning in close, his shoulder on the locker next to
Steve's. The guy looked at him as if what he had to say was really urgent.

"Yeah."

"I'm Andy."

Steve tensed and shut his locker harder and louder than he intended to.

"I know. What's up?"

"I have a question for you, but I don't have time to ask now. Can we meet
after school?"

Steve stared at the guy for a couple of seconds. They had never spoken to
each other before. Andy was a minor jock celebrity, so Steve knew who he
was, but he had no idea why Andy would know his name much less want to talk
to him.

"Okay. What's it about?"

"Uh, I'll let you know. Can you meet me after the last bell on the east end
steps?"

Steve's brain was bogged down trying to understand what was going on. After
an awkward pause he said,

"Sure. I guess so."

"We can walk to the River Park. I kinda have something to ask you. Thanks."

Andy looked nervous. He rubbed the stubble on his chin with the back of his
hand then turned from Steve and walked down the crowded hall.

Steve stared after him and whispered to himself, "What the fuck?" as he
snapped the lock on his locker door then headed off to third period.

When Steve came out the east end doors Andy was already there with his
backpack on. He looked like he had been pacing. Steve had a suspicious look
as he came down the steps. Andy smiled nervously.

"Hey. Thanks. Let's go this way." He motioned for Steve to follow him.

Until they got to the edge of the school grounds and crossed the street,
neither of them said anything or looked at each other.

Once across the street, again with a nervous smile, Andy said, "Let's head
this way."

Steve didn't respond, but he followed Andy three blocks to the River Park
entrance.

At the gate he stopped and looked Andy in the eye.

"You've gotta tell me what's up. You don't know me so I don't have any idea
what this is about."

Andy stopped and looked at him. His brows were all tensed up as if he were
squinting at Steve.

"Let's go sit over there and I'll try to explain."

Both guys just looked at each other.

"Are you punking me?" Steve asked.

"I promise I'm not. Come on, just follow me."

They went two blocks down the path with Steve trailing behind Andy as if
they weren't even walking together. Andy kept looking over his shoulder to
see if Steve was still following.

At a point where the trail curved away from the river a wide grassy area
opened up. Andy headed toward a single bench close to the river bank. He
took his backpack off and motioned for Steve to sit.

Steve shrugged his pack off too and dropped it in the grass before walking
in front of the bench and sitting down.

He looked up at Andy.

"Okay. So what's up?"

Andy had a bit of an Adam's apple so Steve could see him gulp before
asking...

"You're gay, right? I mean some folks say you are and I was just
wondering..."

Before he could finish Steve stood up and moved to pick up his bag.

Andy was faster and intercepted him with a hand on his shoulder.

"Wait. Please."

"Seriously? You're playing me, right? You bring me out here to accuse me of
being gay? What the fuck is that? Are your wrestling buddies hiding around
somewhere to beat me up?"

Steve made for his bag again, but Andy's grip on his shoulder was strong
enough to hold him.

Steve's heart was beating hard and he was getting scared, but when he look
in Andy's face he thought the jock was about to cry.

"Steve. Please. Hold on. I'm not going to hurt you, promise. Sit down a
second, please."

"Fuck no! You call me a faggot then ask me to sit down? You gotta be
shitting me!" There was so much adrenaline in Steve's veins that he was
shaking with anger and fear at the same time. This jock was probably here
to beat him up or, worse, shake him down and threaten to tell the whole
school he was queer. He'd be harassed his whole senior year! That made him
as mad as it scared him.

"Whoah! I did NOT fucking call you a 'faggot'!" Andy shouted him down with
the intensity that Steve had seen him use in wrestling matches. The veins
in Andy's neck were bulging. His eyes looked dry and hot. The grip on
Steve's shoulder became painful, and Andy shoved him down hard onto the
bench.

"I did NOT say that!", he said again, quieter but with clenched teeth.

"So what the hell are you saying?"

"I..." Andy's face paled noticeably.

"I, uh, ... There is a small rumor going around that you might be." Then he
rushed to say, "Don't worry about it! No body is making a big deal of
it. Most people don't particularly care much. It's just casual talk."

Steve couldn't say anything. He had worried sometimes that people thought
he was. Since sophomore year he had not dated anyone, and he thought people
might be thinking he was queer. Apparently they really were. He looked at
his feet. His knee started jittering up and down and he had to clasp his
hands together to keep them from shaking.

Andy watched him a moment then sat down beside him.

"Hey, dude, I didn't want to freak you out. I...I just wanted to ask,
because...." Now Andy looked down at the grass and started ringing his
hands.

"I wanted to ask, because I was hoping...," he paused a moment, "because I
was hoping that you were."

Surprise made Steve sit up and look at Andy, who was bent over with elbows
on knees staring at the ground.

"What!? Why?"

Andy didn't say anything.

"Dude, why would you hope I was gay?"

Andy turned his head and looked at Steve. This time Steve saw that Andy
actually was crying, at least his eyes were red and watery. He wasn't
afraid of Andy any more. Something serious was happening here with him, and
Steve realized he had to say something, had to answer the question.

"Uhh, I... I don't know. Maybe." He paused, "Are you?"

Andy turned his head down and looked at his balled up hands, but didn't say
anything.

Steve saw a tear drip onto his wrist and Andy jerked to wipe it off as if
it were hot oil.

He stood suddenly. With his back to Steve he said, "I'm sorry I brought it
up. Forget it." And he reached for his backpack.

"Oh, fuck no!" Steve hollered and kicked Andy's pack out of his reach.

"Hell no. You don't just drag me out here and start something like this
then walk away."

Andy whirled on him and grabbed Steve's shirt in a fist. His face was red
and his cheeks were wet. Steve felt how much stronger and faster Andy was
then he was, even though he was a bit taller than the wrestler.

Both guys glared at each other for a second before Steve gathered the nerve
to knock Andy's hand away.

"Look! You started this. I don't even really know you. You bring me here
and tell me the whole school thinks I'm gay. I told you I don't know,
maybe, ...probably. What is that to you?"

Andy's red face softened into a half smile. He wiped his cheeks with the
back of his hand. And laughed.

"Not the whole school. Mostly just me, really. Maybe somebody does, but I
was just, just hoping you were."

Steve looked at him blankly as Andy fidgeted. A half smile blinked on and
off on his face.

"That's the most fucked up pick up line I've ever heard," Steve said.

Andy froze a second, eyes wide and red, then he started laughing. He
laughed uncontrollably and plopped down cross-legged onto the grass holding
his stomach.

Steve smiled and sat back on the bench. He didn't think it was so funny,
but he chuckled as Andy rolled over in the grass holding is ribs. Andy's
tension was boiling off in laughter and Steve realized how scared Andy had
been about starting this whole thing.

"Do the other guys on the team know you're gay?"

That was like pouring water on a fire. Andy calmed down, rolled onto his
back with his eyes closed and chest heaving.

"Yeah, maybe. They might. They tease each other about being gay all the
time, you know, but they stopped teasing me that way when the season
started this year. No body acts different in practice, but I realized they
don't talk or joke around with me in the locker room anymore. They also
don't want to hang with me so much after school any more. At first I
started panicking about it, but nobody's giving me real grief about it.
It's just," Andy rolled up onto his elbow, "...it's been kind of lonely
this year. I was looking forward to senior year and hoped it would've been
more fun. You know?"

"Hmm," Steve responded. He looked away from Andy, who was watching him.
Steve started vaguely examining the palms of his hands. "I guess I haven't
been having a lot of fun this year either," he said not looking up.

"So how about we start fucking each other then?" Andy said.

Steve coughed as if he had been punched in the stomach and looked up to see
Andy smiling at him.

"You're joking, right?"

Andy looked him straight in the eye, "No - but if you want, we can hang out
a bit first."

His face lit up in a big grin and suddenly Steve felt nervous in his
stomach. He rubbed a hand though his hair.

"I've never done it with a guy before."

"I haven't either. Not really. Just jacking. But, hey, it's our senior
year, right?"

--Tyde