Date: Sun, 17 Sep 2023 10:52:42 +0100
From: AP Webb <pjalexander1753@gmail.com>
Subject: D'n'M Part 6 Chapter 12

All the characters and events in this story are fictitious.  Any
resemblance to real people, either living or dead, is entirely
unintentional.

The story is copyrighted and may not be reproduced in any way without the
express permission of the author who can be contacted at:

pjalexander1753@gmail.com

PJ

From Chapter 11:

He climbed off the bed, stripped off his clothes and pulled on his sleep
shorts and T.  He made sure the cord in the shorts was securely tied and
then opened the bedroom door.  He walked down the dark hallway trying,
first one closed door and then a second.  Neither room had what he was
looking for.  Then it was third time lucky.  He quietly walked in and, by
the moonlight shining in through a gap in the slatted blinds, made his way
across the room.  He reached his destination, lifted the covers and eased
himself into the bed.  Within seconds of his head hitting the pillows he
was fast asleep.

**********

Chapter 12:

Milo stopped the car in its permitted parking spot but didn't open the
door.  He sat, holding the steering wheel, staring out through the window,
but seeing nothing.

Dropping Nico off at D's parents place had been weird - weird because the
journey over there had been the first time the two of them had been alone
together since they'd got off the plane back from BA; weird because, as
usual, they hadn't spoken the whole way; weird because Helen and Roger had
acted as if Nico being left there for the weekend was completely normal;
weird because he didn't know how to feel about any of these things.  When D
had first told him about the plan for Nico to spend the weekend with The
Minders, part of him felt a mixture of pleasure and relief at the prospect
of enjoying a couple of days without having worry about the boy hanging
around in the background of his every waking moment.  D had said that Helen
had come up with the idea to give the two of them a bit of a break.

"She wants us to have a chance to recharge the batteries, relax, do normal
stuff," he had explained.

And on the face of it, Milo had thought, that was a really great and
generous idea, and he'd continued to think that until he'd woken up at 3:32
a.m. with a giant, illuminated `But what if ...?' hanging in his head.
`But what if that isn't the reason?' he asked himself.  `What if Helen (and
his dad and maybe even Roger) had worked out that things between him and D
weren't good, and hadn't been ever since Nico's arrival?  What if, somehow,
they knew about what had happened that night in the hotel?'  Okay, yeah,
that was illogical, but, having thought it, he couldn't shift the idea from
his mind.  It had horrified him, day and night, ever since.

He continued to stare.

And what about the nightmare prospect of spending time alone with D?  He
felt guilty for even thinking of being alone with the love of his life as a
nightmare.  But nearly two whole days?  Two days when they wouldn't have
going off to work as an excuse.  Two days of it just being the two of them,
with none of the usual distractions, like the comings and goings of The
Minders or of Mrs. Bolton.  Two days when relaxing and recharging the
batteries would normally include a lot of walking around the apartment in
their underwear, a lot of casual touching and a lot of sex.  Milo knew that
his pathetic excuses for avoiding sex were wearing very thin and that his
repeated rejection of D in bed was really getting to his man, even, he
suspected, to the point where D was somehow blaming himself for whatever it
was that was wrong.  Poor D.  He'd done nothing to deserve any of the shit
that he'd been having to go through ever since he, Milo, had insisted on
bringing Nico into their home against D's advice.  Yes, it was all down to
him.  And there was no way he could own up to any of it.  He was too
ashamed of the blinkered and dismissive way he'd behaved, of his arrogant
and `I-know-best' attitude and, most of all, for what had happened between
him and Nico at the hotel.  That would destroy D, if he ever found out
about it.  But Milo also knew that if nothing changed it would be their
entire relationship that could well be destroyed.  Fuck!  (He heard a faint
`Tut tutting' echoing from a distant half of his mind, but he couldn't be
bothered to apologise for or justify his language -- that half of his mind
had said a lot worse over the years.)

And still he stared, and slowly a plan began to form in his mind.  If he
could just keep D busy for these two days, he thought, keep things on the
move and distracting, that might give him the time and breathing space he
needed to come up with a longer-term solution.

`Or it might just be delaying the inevitable,' piped up the recently
echoing half of his mind.  Milo didn't want to hear it.

`Or it might give the two of you a chance to work things out,' chimed in
the other half.  `Without all the distracting stuff getting in the way.'
That was better, he thought.

But then Milo doubted that it would be possible for him and D to work
things out over one, short weekend but he did like the idea of occupying D
with lots of activity, and they could make a start that morning with a long
cycle ride into the countryside.  This was something they often did so
there would be no reason for D to get suspicious or to question his reasons
for suggesting it.  It would be a classic D'n'M relax and recharge sort of
thing to do.

*****

"Hey D," he said as he walked into the kitchen (he hoped his voice sounded
normal and ordinary and not forced or false).  "The weather looks really
good today.  How about we take the bikes out for a ride on one of the
country park trails?  We haven't done that for ages."

"No," Dan replied drily, "Not since Nico got here."  The hurt tone of D's
voice was not lost on Milo.

"Exactly," he said, with as much persuasion as he could muster, "But today
he's with The Minders, so that means we don't have to worry about him.  And
you did say your mum wants us to do normal stuff.  What do you say?"

Dan wasn't sure what to think, or say.  M sounded normal, even happy, in
fact almost exactly like he had sounded before they'd ever even heard of
Nico.  It was as if something that had been pressing down on him for the
last several weeks was suddenly lifted off, and Dan was really pleased to
hear it.  But something about this sudden turn-around in M's manner left
him not totally convinced.  After all, there had been no sign of this old,
familiar M earlier that morning when he'd done his new normal thing of
eating breakfast alone, and none, either, when he'd been getting Nico
organised and ready for the trip to Dan's parents' place.  Then he'd
sounded exactly like the newer version of M, the one he'd become used to
ever since Nico's arrival -- stressed, edgy and impatient.  It just didn't
seem to add up, but he couldn't put his finger on exactly what it was that
seemed off.

`Oh, fuck it!' he said to himself.  `I'm probably overthinking this.  M's
wanting to do something normal and fun for the first time in weeks, and
here I am second-guessing his motives.'

"That sounds great," he said aloud, a wide and more or less genuine smile
on his face.  "Give me fifteen, no, ten minutes and I'll be good to go."

The trail that Milo chose turned out to be much longer and more demanding
than Dan had expected.  Okay, so M had been going out riding around the
town a lot lately so was in good shape, but given that it was several weeks
since they'd been out on their bikes together, he had thought they'd follow
one of the shorter, easier routes, maybe the one around the lake or one of
their favourites to a local beauty spot which was a great place for a
leisurely picnic and an afternoon nap.  But no, it was as if M was in
training for the Tour de France.  The route he led them on seemed to go on
forever, zigzagging up steep inclines, then swooping down through pine
woods, never giving Dan a chance to recover before they were on their way
up again.  He struggled to keep with the pace that M was setting.  If he
hadn't known better, and if his brain wasn't full of the effort of keeping
up, he would have begun to wonder if M was deliberately trying to wear him
out.

Eventually they arrived at a distant point at the far end of the lake,
climbing off their bikes and laying them down on a grassy mound.  But
instead of taking some time to sit and enjoy the view, Milo began running
towards the water, stripping off his cycle shorts and vest along the way.

"I'll race you to Fisherman's Point and back," he shouted before plunging
into the water.

Dan barely had enough breath to speak, much less swim for nearly half a
mile.  Fuck!  M wasn't playing fair.  He'd been vice captain of the
Greenside High swimming team and, yes, being knocked down by that truck had
put an end to his competitive swimming career, but he could still outpace
Dan without shifting out of second gear.  What was M trying to do to him?
Very reluctantly he stripped off and dived in.

And Milo didn't stop pushing the pace the whole day.  After they got home
from the trail ride and the unscheduled swim there was an hour in the
apartment block's basement gym - apparently this was M's interpretation of
recharging the batteries - followed by a lengthy gaming session - a great
way to relax, according to M - and, finally, two episodes of House of the
Dragon -- as Milo reminded Dan, they'd not watched any since Nico's
arrival.  By the time Milo switched off the TV and glanced across at D,
slumped in his favourite chair, he was confident that he'd achieved his
twin objectives for day one of the weekend, to tire D out and leave no
space for unwanted and uncomfortable conversation.  At first he thought he
might leave him to sleep where he was.  If he did that then sex, or the
lack of it, couldn't be an issue, for this one night at least.  He'd hated
having, literally, to turn his back on D's obvious need for intimacy so
many times lately.  But, no matter how desperate Milo was to avoid the
rejection scenario that had become so familiar over recent weeks, he
couldn't just leave D to sleep where he was, and not only because he knew
that his reason for doing so would be entirely obvious to D.  So he gently
shook him awake and they went down the hallway to the bedroom together.

They each used the bathroom - separately had become the new normal -- with
Dan going first.  He switched on his reading light and collapsed into bed
where he lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling.  He hadn't managed to
see much of House of the Dragon because he'd been so tired from the day's
non-stop activity, but now, having peed and brushed his teeth, he felt much
more awake.  He waited for Milo, determined not to fall asleep before he
came back from the bathroom.

A few minutes later M walked back into the bedroom and closed the door
behind him.  This was the first time in weeks that they'd spent a night
alone in the apartment. Dan watched out of the corner of his eye as M
stripped down to his underwear.  Memories of the boy he'd fallen in love
with back when they were both teenagers flooded into his mind.  Then,
thanks to all the hours he spent in the pool, M had been sleek and smooth
and strong, with long legs and wide shoulders.  He'd had a swimmer's
fatless torso and well-defined pecs.  Dan had loved that body.  It never
failed to turn him on.  And looking at it now, well, he couldn't say that
there hadn't been some changes over the years.  Certainly some of the
definition had gone and there was a trail of hair leading down from tummy
button to waistband and more on those slightly less-toned legs, places that
had always been completely shaved on the orders of Ms. Boyeda.  So, yes,
things weren't exactly the same as they had been, but, to Dan's eyes, M was
still beautiful.  He always would be.  And the person inside the body was
still the only man that Dan could ever imagine loving, although these days,
since Nico's arrival, that love was being tested to the limit.  Tears
formed in the corners of his eyes as Dan realised, with a force that nearly
knocked the breath out of him, that things couldn't go on any longer the
way they had been and that this night could be make or break for their
relationship and their marriage, and even of their future together. The
thought was beyond scary but couldn't be avoided or pushed to the back of
his consciousness any longer.  He didn't know whether he had the strength
to see this through but he was pretty sure that he was about to find out.

Milo got into bed and pulled the covers over himself.

"Good night, D.  I had a good time today, I hope you did too."  He turned
away from Dan and lay on his side, his broad back like an impenetrable
barrier between them.

"Don't."  Dan almost shouted.  "Don't do that.  Don't turn your back on me.
Not again" He dropped the volume.  "Don't try to pretend I'm not here."

Milo was shocked into stillness.  He couldn't remember the last time D had
raised his voice to him.  This was so out of character.  But he couldn't
pretend to be surprised, not after the way he'd been treating D for all
these weeks.  Suddenly there was a churning feeling in his stomach.  He
began to suspect that the very thing he'd been so desperate to avoid was
about to come crashing down around him, leaving him with no choice but to
confront it.

`And what did you expect?'  The question came from one half of his mind.

`You've only got yourself to blame,' said the other half, the two of them
worryingly in agreement for once.

Milo knew he had to respond to D, to say something, anything, but he could
think of nothing.  His mind was a blank.

"Can't you even look at me?" Dan demanded.  "Can't bear to face me?"  He
threw the covers off, got out of bed and stormed across the room to stand
with his back against the door.  "Well, you're not leaving this room until
you speak to me.  Until we've sorted this out.  Until you've told me what
it is I've done to hurt you so badly.  Because I can't go on doing this.
Not the solitary bike rides, not the emotional shut down, not the constant
rejection."

After this rush of words Dan paused to catch his breath, to let his head
catch up with his mouth.  Fuck!  Yes, he'd needed to say all that but now
he wasn't sure whether it had been the right, or the sensible, thing to do.
Had he just succeeded in doing more damage?  His outburst seemed to have
stunned M into silence.  Fuck!  Fuck!  Fuck!

It was true, Milo was totally shocked by what had just happened.  He was
now sitting up in the bed, his back against the headboard, staring at D who
stood on the other side of the room, his chest heaving with emotion and
with those tears beginning to slide down his cheeks.  He looked at the love
of his life, standing there in front of the door, trying to control his
breathing and looking so hurt and vulnerable.  He felt as if he was being
shredded from the inside.

"Oh, D!  D!  What have I done to you?" he asked himself, his voice barely
above a whisper.  He so wanted to get up and go to where D was standing, to
wrap his arms around him and to promise that everything was going to be
okay.  But he couldn't because, at that moment, he didn't think it was
true, not now and, maybe, never again.  The room was eerily quiet, with
just the sounds of Dan's sobs and ragged breathing breaking the silence.

"Well," demanded Dan through his tears, "What is it?  What have I done to
make you want to keep away from me as much as possible?  Why won't you let
me touch you?  How can I have hurt you so much?"

Milo's heart was beating so fast that he began to think that it might,
genuinely, be close to breaking.  He forced his feet onto the floor and
stood up.  He still couldn't speak but there was no way he was going to
leave D standing there, believing he was the cause of all this pain.  He
had to go to him, put his arms around him, hold him close.  However, he'd
not taken more than two steps, his arms held open in front of him, when D
spoke again.

"No!  Not another step.  You can't just put your arms around me, hold me
close and expect everything to be okay.  Expect me to stay quiet."

`How did he know?' Milo asked himself.

`Because he knows you,' replied one half of his mind.

`Inside and out,' agreed the other half.

They stood there, the two of them, on opposite sides of the room, neither
one moving, neither one speaking.  Dan was struggling to hold himself
upright.  All he wanted to do was slide down the door into a heap on the
floor, but something inside told him that that would be just about the
worst thing he could do.  Milo wanted it all to go away, but he
instinctively knew that that was not going to happen, that this was make or
break.

*****

Right from the start I had intended that Chapter 12 would be the final
chapter of Part 6 of D'n'M but it got so long -- twice the length of a
normal chapter -- that I've decided to split it in two.  So the next
chapter, number 13, which I will send to Nifty in the next few days, will
bring Part 6 of the story to a close.  Thanks for your patience.  PJ

**********

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