Date: Sat, 23 Sep 2023 19:05:43 -0500
From: Deadpan Don <deadpandon13@gmail.com>
Subject: Donny and Friends Chapter 1

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Author's Notes:

This is a work of fiction - just a story from my addled imagination.
If you are sexually active, please be safe and use protection.

This story takes place in the 1990s.  While the 'when' really isn't
important, you will likely notice the absence of smartphones and the
internet.  Such were the breaks of growing up Gen X.
Please do not re-post or distribute without my permission.
Feedback is very much appreciated.  Please send to deadpandon13@gmail.com

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Donny and Friends
Chapter 1


I had a core group of friends I'd met in either elementary or middle
school that stayed with me throughout high school and into adulthood.
We were tight and did everything together.  They are how I survived
growing up gay in small town Texas.  Not that I was effeminate, or
flamboyant or anything like that.  I did not wear my sexuality on my
sleeve, but small town life is tough for queer kids, and sometimes
deadly.  I was lucky.

My name is Donny, and at the time this story begins I was just 15.  I
had wavy brown hair that I usually kept about collar length down to
shoulder length when I could get away with it.  My eyes were dark
brown.  I was athletic, primarily a runner and a swimmer but I also
played some baseball, so I was toned and had some muscle, but I wasn't
overly developed physically.  Puberty had hit me early and hard so my
voice had already dropped by this point, and some body hair was
already starting to come in.  I mean, I thought it was sexy.

I grew up in small town Texas about an hour outside of Dallas.  My
parents split when I was still pretty young.  Dad was completely out
of the picture and mom really struggled to support the two of us on
her own.  I knew from around age 12 that I was into guys but I didn't
talk about it because my best friends were really hunky athletes and I
was afraid of losing them.

My absolute best friend in the world was Toby.  We'd been friends
since 4th grade.  He lived a short bike ride from my house and I spent
more time over there than I did at home.  Toby had sandy blond hair
that got lighter in the summers from the sun and hazel eyes.  He loved
baseball and I joined little league because of him.

Marcus started out as a little league buddy of ours.  He also ran
track in middle school but he was mostly into baseball and aspired to
play varsity baseball in high school.  He was in the same grade but
was a year older than Toby and me because of when his birthday fell.
He was bigger than us physically but I think that was more due to his
weight training than his age.  Baseball just needs more muscle than
track or swimming.  Toby aspired to be bulkier, too, and by the time
we entered high school he was closer to Marcus's size than mine.
Marcus was also darker due to his Latino heritage, with black hair he
kept short and light brown skin that looked like a permanent tan.  His
eyes were also as black as midnight, which I always found so hypnotic.

Cullen and Hank were the last two to round out our little clique.
Cullen was very charismatic, blond, blue-eyed, and muscular but not
overly so, and tall.  Along with being our ringleader - that's code
for he got us into and out of the most trouble - Cullen was the
quarterback of the middle school team.  As we entered high school he
easily made JV quarterback and had his eye set on varsity.

Hank was an offensive lineman and Cullen often referred to him as his
"life-lineman."  Hank was your typical dumb jock but loveable.  What
he lacked in smarts he more than made up for in loyalty to his
friends.  Wherever Cullen went you'd be sure to also see Hank tagging
along, they were pretty much inseparable.  Hank being our friend also
tended to keep the bullies off of us.  He was big, all muscle and
power.  He could be as gentle as a kitten or ferocious as a tiger when
it was needed.  Hank had dark hair that he kept buzzed very close to
his skull and brown eyes.  He helped out on his family farm a lot so
he always seemed to have a dark tan.

Now being a small town, if you were the least bit athletic you were
heavily recruited to join any or all of the middle school's
competitive sports teams.  That's how we all became friends - through
sports.  We supported each other and helped each other out whenever we
could.  Besides the sports teams, we'd also go to the movies together,
hang out, play games, and ride our bikes all over the town.  Like I
said, we were tight.  I wouldn't say we "ruled" middle school, but we
were a well known clique and people tended to think of us as a
packaged set more than individually.

So like I said, I hadn't said anything to them or anyone about liking
boys.  It might have gone on like that indefinitely, but one night at
Toby's changed everything for me, and for our group as well.  We were
in our 9th grade year, finally in high school.  Marcus had already
turned 16 and Cullen's and Hank's birthdays were coming up in a few
months.  Being the youngest, mine and Toby's weren't until the spring.
My stress level was rising and it was becoming harder and harder to
hide my interest in guys and fake my interest in girls.  And worst of
all I was starting to feel like I was lying to my friends.

It was a Friday night.  Football was over for the season - we never
made the playoffs back then - and I was spending the night over at
Toby's.  We were enjoying a lazy night in his room when he announced
it was time for our "sleepover tradition."  Toby's dad kept a stack of
porn magazines stored in a closet near the hallway bathroom.  Now,
Toby's folks were really liberal, especially for back then and
especially for small town Texas.  The magazines weren't a secret and
nobody minded us looking at them, but Toby's mom didn't like seeing
them laying around the house.  So the house rule was you picked one up
when you wanted it and put it back when you were done with it.

It had been months since the last time we'd done it, but our
"tradition" was Toby would grab a couple of the magazines and we'd
ogle over the pictures of naked women and couples, read the stories,
and sometimes jack off under the covers.  We never did anything
together or in view of each other - I never even saw Toby's erect
penis.  I'd seen him flaccid many times in the locker rooms, but
always from a distance.

Toby told me to stay put and said he was going to the kitchen to get
us a snack and he would stop by the closet on his way back.  I stayed
behind laying on his bed flipping through a sci-fi magazine when
seconds after he'd left the door opened again and in walked Jack,
Toby's older brother.  Jack was a senior, on the varsity baseball
team, and was one of the coolest guys I knew.  We all looked up to
Jack.

He wandered in and said, "Hey, bud.  Mind if I have a word with you?"

I smiled back at him and nodded sitting up on the bed.  He closed the
door and I saw him lock it, which puzzled me a bit but I let it go.
He came over and sat down next to me on the bed and looked at me for a
minute.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Donny," he began and paused before continuing.  "Donny, I want to
talk to you about something Toby's never going to bring up unless you
bring it up yourself."

In my innocence I really had no clue what he was getting at and I just
looked at him puzzled.

"Donny, you and Toby have been best friends for years.  And you've got
a great group of friends in Marcus, Cullen, and Hank.  I think you
know that."

I nodded, smiling.  I still didn't know where this was going.

"I've known you for a long time too, bud.  I just want you to know
that you're safe here in this house and with your friends.  You don't
have to hide anything around us if you don't want to.  But if you want
to keep hiding it, that's fine too."

My smile started to fade.  Was he talking about what it sounded like?

"You need to trust your friends," he said, poking me in the shoulder
with a finger for emphasis.  "You can, you know.  They'll always be
there for you."

Just then the doorknob clicked as someone tried to open it and I heard
Toby say, "Hey!" from the other side.  Jack got up and opened the
door.

"Hey, what gives?" Toby protested as he rushed into the room with a
bag of chips and a couple cokes in his hands, a magazine or two tucked
under his arm.

"Have fun, you two," Jack said with a smirk as he walked out the door.
Looking back at me he pointed a finger at me again and said, "Remember
what I said," and closed the door behind him.

"What was that all about?" Toby asked as he threw the chips on the bed
and handed me a coke.

I didn't answer and I don't think he really expected one as he flopped
down on the bed and handed me one of the magazines from under his arm.
We flipped through the pages of naked big-breasted women fingering
their pussies or playing with dildos for a while, but I was getting
bored.  And Jack had really bothered me.  He had to be talking about
me hiding my sexuality, didn't he?  What else was there?  But how
could he know?  Was it that obvious?

"What's wrong?" Toby asked quietly.  I realized as I turned to look at
him that I hadn't even been looking at the magazine in my hand, and
probably hadn't been for some time.

"Nothing," I said, looking back down and flipping through another few pages.

Toby just watched me though, and eventually said, "No, something's
wrong."  Then he sat up  with a start.  "Did Jack say something?"

I just looked at him trying to remain expressionless.

"That asshole!  He did!  Did he embarrass you?"  He rocketed off the
bed toward the door.  "I'm gonna beat the shit out of him!" he
announced.

"Whoa, whoa!  Stop!" I pleaded, grabbing his sleeve.  That stopped him
but when he looked back at me he was red with anger.  He looked at me
hard in the face, trying to assess what had happened.  "What did he
do?" Toby demanded, but in a calmer voice full of concern.  "What did
he say?"

I looked him in the eye and as I spoke I could feel the tears welling
up.  "Jack said that I was safe here.  And that I should trust my
friends."  I paused looking at Toby's face as his expression softened.
"And I do... trust my friends," I said.  "Toby, I'm gay."

Then I started crying.  And I don't mean boo-hoo, wipe a tear crying,
but full on ugly, body shaking crying.  Toby pulled me into a hug and
we just stood there in the middle of his bedroom as I cried it all
out.  I later learned that in the midst of it all both Jack and Toby's
dad had peeked in the door separately to see what was the matter but
Toby had silently waved them away.  Finally, the sobs subsided.

I pulled back from Toby as he released me from the hug and I wiped my
face with my sleeve.  "Wow," I said and sat down on the bed.  Toby sat
beside me and put his arm around my shoulders.

"Wow, indeed," he whispered.  "Thank you for telling me."

I looked at him.  "You already knew, didn't you?"

He hugged my shoulder a little tighter as he said, "Well, not for
sure.  But we suspected."

"We?" I said questioningly.

"Yeah," he said sheepishly.

"Who?" I demanded pulling back a little but not enough for his arm to
drop off my shoulders completely.

"Well, the guys, obviously," he began.  "Jack.  Dad.  Mom."

"Your mother?!" I exclaimed!  "What the fuck?" And I buried my head in my hands.

"Moms just know," he said with a chuckle and began rubbing my back.
"It's okay.  Nobody cares.  None of us do anyway.  My parents love
you, you know that.  And the guys, well, the guys... we all love you
too.  You're our buddy and that's not going to change."

And that's the story of how I came out.  The next day we met up with
all the guys and I "officially" told them as well, with fewer tears,
but there were some, and not all mine.  They were terrific, even happy
for me.  They really were just the best gang of friends a guy could
have.  And our bonds would only grow deeper as time passed.

What I did not know at the time was that the guys, all of them - Toby,
Marcus, Cullen, and Hank - had a meeting a day or two after I came out
to them.  It was at Toby's house and both Jack and Toby's dad, who we
lovingly called Mr. C., were part of it.  I was not invited because
apparently I was the subject of the meeting.

Jack and Mr. C. ran the meeting as I understand it, and while I don't
know exactly what was said, I do know that a message was strongly and
clearly delivered.  Jack and Mr. C. were very worried about me.
Basically, they told the guys how proud they were of me for being
brave enough to come out to them, and how proud they were of the boys
for the way they had reacted.  They were worried because the life of a
gay teen in our town, or really anywhere in Texas, was very difficult.
Mr. C. actually came prepared with statistics about suicide rates,
violence against queer people, disappearances, and out right murders.

They challenged the guys, saying that if they really were the kind of
friends that they claimed to be, that they then had to look after and
protect me.  They had to keep me safe.  My wonderful friends all
gladly accepted the challenge.  And I'm so thankful that they did.

I was finally able to be myself with my friends again.  The banter
between us continued like it always had, you know, including the 'hot
chick' talk.  But they also encouraged me to tell them about hot guys,
including them!  And they would just laugh and the conversations would
carry on.  It was funny in a way and they had lots of questions.

Yes, I was still a virgin.  No, not even a blow job.  No, while I
thought certain guys were hot, I was not romantically interested in
any of the guys in school.  Yes, if I ever did develop designs on some
guy I would let them know.

"The problem is none of them are gay," I complained when asked why I
didn't fancy any of the guys in school.   "I mean, I can think a guy
is hot, but if he's out of reach, why waste my time pining for him?"

"That you know of," Marcus retorted.  "None of them are gay that you
know of.  Until a person comes out, nobody can really know."

"But people make assumptions, don't they?  And they talk," Toby said.
It was more of a statement than a question.  We all agreed.

Coming out to my friends just felt right.  But no announcement was
made.  I didn't go around telling other people and I certainly didn't
start wearing rainbow t-shirts or anything like that.

But the inevitable rumors started spreading about me.  I wasn't
effeminate, or at least I didn't think so, and I played sports, but
apparently my eyes lingered too long where they shouldn't, and I
didn't express any interest in girls so how could I be completely
straight?  Or at least that's what people were saying.  My friends had
done what they could to shield me from it but people can be hateful,
especially teenagers.  Anyway, life moved on.

Over the course of our freshman year things pretty much continued as
they always had, at least as far as I could tell.  The five of us hung
out together whenever we could.  At our high school, freshman year was
the last year you could go out for multiple sports if you wanted to,
so by the end of the year we had to pick one sport to focus on and
could no longer compete in several of them - not that I had any desire
to play football, but baseball was always fun and it meant more time
with Toby and Marcus.

Anyway, Cullen and Hank chose football of course and the coach told
them they would make varsity for our sophomore year, though not first
string.  Marcus and Toby both chose baseball, no surprise there, but
they'd have to wait for tryouts to know if they made varsity or not.
I chose track and would eventually settle on cross country.  I've
always been a runner and enjoyed the lone-competitor aspect of it.
Also I just liked running.

The summer before our sophomore year was a hot one, in many ways.
Summers are always hot in Texas, but this one was a scorcher, so we
often found ourselves at a pool or swimming hole somewhere.  Did I
feel guilty for ogling my friends' hot bods?  No.  They'd often ask me
how they looked in certain clothing and I'd always be honest with
them.  And I'd shamelessly masturbate at night thinking about them
sometimes.  Okay, maybe a lot.

Two events of note happened that summer that really stayed with me and
the boys.  First, there was an adult book store about a 20-minute
drive outside of town on the highway to Dallas.  While I knew about it
and had seen it from the highway many times I had never actually been
there.  I mean, I was under 18 so it would be illegal anyway, but I
wanted to go.  There were lots of rumors about the place and what went
on inside.  It just sounded to dumb little me like a great place for
anonymous sex.  And I wanted to have sex.  I think all teenagers do,
really.

Anyway, I talked about it a bit - maybe a bit too much - to my
friends, to the point that when word started getting around that
something terrible had happened there one night, they all came
searching for me to make sure that it wasn't me!  Kids today probably
wouldn't believe how fast word could travel back then before the
internet and smartphones, but it could.  Word started getting around
that an under age boy had been beat up and killed at the place.  Folks
were saying you could see the lights from all the sheriff's department
and highway patrol cars and other emergency vehicles from the highway.

I went for an evening run.  Left my house a little before dark and
took a winding path throughout ours and the next neighborhood over.
It was unusual for me, yes, but I wanted to start building up my
stamina for Cross County.  Anyway, my friends started calling my house
and my mom, of course, told them I was out for a run.  Knowing I
didn't usually do that in the evenings they started panicking thinking
it was a ruse and I'd figured out a way to get to the bookstore.  The
guys all turned up at my house, loitering in the yard, not knowing
what to do.  They were afraid to tell my mom their suspicions but she
definitely picked up on their tension.  Mr. C. even drove out to the
site but couldn't get past the police line.

When I came jogging up to the house you would not believe the
commotion they made!  My mom even came out of the house and hugged me.
She hadn't heard the news yet but had pieced together that my friends
thought something bad had happened to me and she was just so glad to
see me safe and well at that moment.  Tears were shed.  Again.

The boys had all gone home by the time Mr. C. arrived.  He'd come
straight to my house from his failed attempt to get any information
from "the scene."  He gave me a hug and said he was glad to see me.
Mom walked him back to his car and they had a long talk out there in
the driveway that I couldn't hear.  She looked like she was crying at
one point then she shook Mr. C.'s hand with both of hers and came back
inside.

We sat down on the living room couch and I came out to her then.  She
was the last important person in my life that I hadn't told yet.  She
said she'd known for a while and that she didn't care about that.  She
said she knows boys need their secrets, but she admonished me to
always be safe and told me I could talk to her about anything.  She
really was a good mom.

So it turned out in the end that a 16-year-old boy from a neighboring
town had been attacked by some gay bashers.  He'd been beat up pretty
bad, raped with a broom handle and left to die in the parking lot.  He
did survive despite the rumors of his death, but I'm sure he had a
long and hard recovery, both physically and emotionally.  If you even
can recover from something like that.  The whole thing scared my
friends really badly and they made me promise I would never, ever go
there.

Hank's family owned some land outside of town that had a private lake
on it and we were allowed to go swimming there a few times.  It was on
one such swimming day that we had a group conversation that was the
second item worth noting from that summer.  We'd just spent the
afternoon goofing around in the water, jumping off the end of the
peer, or swinging out over the water in the tire swing to belly flop
in.  We were all pretty tired and drained of energy by the time the
sun was setting and we were huddled around a small campfire roasting
marshmallows and wieners on sticks over the fire.  Nobody had thought
to bring any buns or even paper plates, so we just ate them off the
stick.  It was a very pleasant country scene and I was enjoying
myself, not least of which because my four hunky friends were all
wearing just swimming trunks or very short cut-off jeans.

We'd all been quiet for several minutes staring into the fire or at
our roasting weenies and marshmallows when Cullen started a new
conversation.

"Have y'all heard of the term 'friends with benefits'?" he asked.

Nobody said anything for a few seconds before Marcus asked, "Isn't
that when you have someone who's a friend," and he waved his hand in
the air as if to say 'obviously,' "who you have sex with sometimes but
you're not dating?"

"Yeah, something like that," Cullen said.

"You mean a prostitute?" Hank asked.  We all chuckled.

"No, not a prostitute," Cullen explained.  "It could be someone you
used to date but you both moved on, or it could just be a really good
friend that you occasionally have sex with, but there's no romantic
relationship or anything, no pressure."

"Yeah," Marcus chimed in.  He put his thumb and pinky up beside his
head like he was holding a phone and said, "Hey, yeah, my date just
stood me up.  If you're free tonight, wanna fuck?"

Everybody belly laughed.

"Yeah, I suppose," Cullen chuckled.

"Is that so?" Hank asked.

"Why the hell not?" Toby asked.  "Look, guys try to get into girls'
pants all the time that they would never bring home to mom, much less
marry."

Cullen said, "Yeah, but that's like a one-night-stand or something.
Two hookups at most I would think.  And there's no expectation for
anything further."  He looked around the fire at each of us.  "I'm
talking about a regular relationship... hmm," he paused, frustration on
his face.  "Nah, I don't like that word.  No, a relationship sounds
too much like a girlfriend.  It's not a girlfriend, it's a friend.
Someone you know and are close to, just not romantically."

"That you have sex with?" Hank finished.

"Yeah," Cullen said.  "No strings attached, no expectations, you know...
other than getting off."

Everyone chuckled again.

"Do you think it's a real thing," Cullen asked, "or just something made up?"

There was a long silence where nobody said anything.  Then Marcus
broke the silence, "I dunno," he said quietly, looking at his hand.
"My hand and me have grown pretty attached to each other."

Everyone laughed hard at that, then the conversation topic changed.
But I filed that concept away in my brain and came back to it every
once in a while wondering about it.  Growing up gay in a small town
was not easy.  I knew I would never find a boyfriend in this town,
kids who had come out all tended to move away.  Cruising the parks for
one night stands was always a possibility but I hadn't felt that
desperate yet.  Anyway, this concept that Cullen introduced to me,
even if just innocent conversation, took my fantasies about my hot
friends to the next level, but something I never, ever expected to
happen.


--=TO BE CONTINUED=--