Disclaimer: This is a story about gay people...if you can't read it or

Don't like gay people, leave. Go...bye. But if you like it, read it and

Write to me.

"Mom, I'm not that far away." I said, hugging her.

"I know, but it's not to have you home." Mom said, kissing my forehead, "I missed you being here."

"Well, miss me no more!" I said, "Where's Kya?"

"Kya took Shi up to see her other grandparents." Mom said, "Your room is..."

"All Hope's now?" I asked.

"Actually no." Mom said, "It's been so nice having her here."

"What about Eric?" I asked.

"He moved out." Mom said, "It makes sense, you've been away for semester, so it's time for us all to move on."

"Dad sure did." I said before I could catch it.

Mom looked at me, "Has he called you?" she inquired.

"No." I said, "I don't see him calling anytime soon anyways."

"Why is that?" Mom asked.

"I'm sure he's happy with his new life. New wife, kids..."

"Stop." Mom said quickly, "Go on up to your room." She said, disappearing into the kitchen.

"Yay, I'm home." I said, packing my tube of clothes upstairs

Chapter 38: Feel This

"Hey, it's you!" I said, putting my tub down and hugging Hope, "How are you, lil cousin?"

"I'm good." Hope said, "Did you bring me something?"

"No. I'm a college student, I'm like fifty percent noodles. What'd you get me for my grand home-coming?" I asked.

"I'm a teenage, I'm seventy percent angst, thirty percent broke." Hope said.

"Broke? Really? You do get an allowance, don't you?" I asked.

"Oh, your skanky friend called." Hope said.

"Christina?" I asked.

"Yeah, that's the one that goes to school with you, right? You so need new friends." Hope said.

"Wow. We're having a full-fledged conversation! If mom could see us now." I said.

"She can." Mom said, "We've got an appointment."

"We do?" I asked.

"No, we..." Hope said, picking up her purse and walking to mom, "We're going spaing." She said as they left.

"I'm fine. No problems." I said, feeling oddly lonely. I walked to my room with the tub of clothes and sat it on the floor. I walked to the bed and laid in it, wondering how I ever plucked up the courage (or utter stupidity) to leave this room. The class part of college is cake. Sugary, flowered cake with sprinkles and icing. But it was the other part, we were just supposed to meet new people and... Ding Dong.

"Who..." I said, sitting up. I walked downstairs and opened the door to see Davis smiling at me, "Hey."

"Hey. I hoped you were home." Davis smiled.

"Oh, well, come in." I said quickly.

He did. I hadn't seen him since we had our talk. You know, the talk after one of us has done something extremely stupid. We had texted each other often but that's as far as contact went and I have to admit, I missed him. Southeastern had some cute guys, but I had gotten truly shy.

"I missed you." Davis said.

"I catch your games all the time, you're phenomenal!" I said.

"I never really...we didn't get a chance to cool down before we decided to, ya know..." Davis said, his hands in his pockets.

"I know." I said quickly, "I made a mistake and..."

"It was a mistake, but I miss you so much." Davis said.

I blushed, "Davis..." I said.

"We've taken months to think and..."

"I can't." I said.

"Huh?" Davis asked.

"I have issues." I said, "Big ones with barbed wire and snipers and..."

"It's me." Davis said, turning to leave, but he knocked over my to-go satchel. He bent down to try and pick up the spilled things and stopped suddenly, "What is this?" he asked, holding up one of my pill bottles.

"My medicine." I said.

"Medicine for what?" Davis asked.

-         

"Ballard wake your...ewww!" Kendall said, walking into his room. His room was a mess and she could smell the sex, that and she used her super-all seeing eyes to spot the naked women in his bed, two of them to be exact.

"Could you knock, sis?" Ballard said, sleepily sitting up.

"Most sisters have to worry about their brothers bringing home the wrong girl, not screwing every girl." Kendall said.

"Yeah, but most brothers aren't this sexy." Ballard grinned.

"Ick." Kendall frowned, "You're really gross, you know."

"But some people really dig it." Ballard smirked.

"Again with the ick." Kendall said, scrunching her face up.

"Has Davis called?" Ballard asked.

"No." Kendall said.

"Then why are you in my room." Ballard asked.

"I enjoy the interesting conversations we seemed to have." She joked, "Me and Chris are getting people together to go to Ryph's. Wanna come?"

Ballard looked up at her, trying to figure out what this invitation meant. It wasn't random.

"Sure, just let me say bye to my guests." Ballard said.

"Ick." Kendall said, leaving.

-           

"Marco!" Hannah said, hugging him! It had been too long since she had seen her brother and he was just as gorgeous as ever!

"Han!" Marco said, "How are you?"

"I'm good. You?"

"Honor Roll." Marco smiled, "Where are mom and dad?"

"Mom and Dad are out shopping, I think they think you're coming a little later." Hannah said.

"So, how goes life here?" Marco asked.

"Actually, I'm on my way out, group thing. You should come!" Hannah said.

"Well, who's going to be there?" Marco asked.

§   

"You're bi-polar?" Davis asked as he sat on my bed.

"Yeah." I said.

"What are all these other pills for?" Davis asked.

I shook my head, "I...uh..."

"Adaen." Davis said softly.

"Sleeping pills and vitamins." I said.

"Kinda defeats the purpose, doesn't it?" Davis asked, standing.

"Yeah, well, the vitamins aren't used a lot." I joked. Davis just stared, "What?" I asked.

"I didn't know you were..."

"Damaged?"

"...What? No, vulnerable." Davis said, "You're not damaged."

"I am." I said, "I accept it. College shows it."

"I don't like being vulnerable! I don't like feeling like this!" I shouted, "To feel like I can't be happier, then to feel that...that low feeling." I closed my eyes, "Sometimes I wonder why I'm even alive."

"Because you're beautiful and honest and nice. You're always there to help someone in need and I love you." Davis said.

"I keep hearing people say stuff like this, but it doesn't stick! It never sticks and I can't keep...but this is me. Always crying, always in pain! I'm a waste." I said.

"Stop." Davis said.

"All through high school, I kept feeling alone and whiny and seriously sad. I couldn't really tell anyone. Sad, for an out gay guy, I couldn't tell anyone how I felt." I said, "You can't tell anyone else."

"I would never..." Davis said.

"Thank you." I said, wiping my eyes, "I miss the days when I had friends."

"Well, you're in luck." Davis smiled.

-           

Kendall, Christina, Zack, Marco, Hannah, Harry, and Ballard sat at Ryph's, a little uneasy. They were mostly making with small talk. The How ya beens and How ya doin part of being back, but it didn't take long before they were back in the gritty.

"So, how you been after the miscarriage?" Zack asked.

They all looked at each other.

"I mean, you guys..."

"We don't have to talk about that." Kendall said, "So, everyone's okay?"

"Anybody getting any?" Ballard asked, "Besides me?"

"Of course." Christina said, "You guys are getting some, right?"

"Can we please go back to talking about the miscarriage?" Hannah asked.

"Or, umm, the weather." Marco said.

"So, anyone seen or talked to Adaen?" Harry asked, "Or Davis?"

At Adaen's name, Ballard looked at him, but looked back down.

"No, not yet, but my spies tell me he got into town a few hours ago." Christina said.

They looked at her.

"I rode with him." Christina said.

"Anyone been to rehab?" Brady asked joining the table.

"Hey, it's that scumbag!" Zack said.

"Thank you for the name, bitch." Brady smirked at him, "It's so good to be surrounded by old friends."

"We're not your friends." Marco said angrily.

"You might as well be, you keep all my little secrets." Brady smirked.

"Still messing with younger kids?" I asked as Davis and I walked up, "Hi all."

"Hey, it's Adaen-bob sexy pants." Brady said, looking me over, "Now I do really wish I could stay, but I'm late for some dealings."

"Drugs?" Davis asked, "Go to Hell."

"I'll be standing next to Julie." Brady said, walking away and winking at me.

"Why am I crazy magnet?" I asked.

"I think it's all in the hips." Davis chuckled.

Hannah jumped to her feet and hugged me, "Adaen! You've got to tell me everything! I love your hair! Mohawks are so in, especially on black guys...and oddly enough, some girls." She beamed.

"What was that all about?" I asked.

"He's being a dick." Kendall said.

Ballard stood, "Hey, how are you?" he asked.

"Jet-lagged without the jet, you?" I asked.

"The same." Ballard said.

"Yeah, but you were up late with two girls." Kendall said loudly.

Ballard glanced back at her angrily.

"Not shocking." I smirked, "It's nice to see you all again."

"Adaen!" Marco said, hugging me.

I chuckled, hugging him back, "Mark Echo!" I chuckled.

"We have to take him down." Kendall said.

"Huh, now?" I asked.

"We missed our opportunity, but we've got to take him down." Kendall said.

"Well, I'm tired, I just came to say hi." I said.

"Oh, well, maybe we can meet at Eric's club later this week." Hannah said.

"Of course. Just text me." I smiled, turning and leaving. As I got out the door, I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Ballard.

"Hey." Ballard said.

"Hey." I said.

"Look, I know..." we both said, then stopped and stared at each other.

"I'm sorry for what you heard." Ballard said.

"I know, but I can't be mad. It's you, it's what you do. Models, twins, hot chicks..." I said, turning.

"I missed you." Ballard said, "The last thing we said to each other...it's not how I felt. Well, it sort of is but...I love you."

"Maybe I loved you, too...but I don't, not anymore. I could never be with you." I said, walking into the darkness

-           

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed. Please give me some feedback because that's how I get started. So, I want you guys to tell me how I'm doing.