Disclaimer: This is a story about gay people...if you can't read it or

Don't like gay people, leave. Go...bye. But if you like it, read it and

Write to me.

"So, what you want to bake cookies and do each other's hair?" Ballard asked.

"No. Manly stuff...stuff a manly would do." I said, "I mean, it could be like a drinking game gone wild."

"I'm a doctor. I'm on call almost all the time." Ballard smirked, "Since when are you ready to be drinking again?"

"Oh come on, we can get wasted like the people on Jersey Shore." I smiled.

Ballard looked at me oddly, "You can't stay the night here." He smiled.

"Why not?! I'll...sleep with you?" I said.

Ballard burst into laughter.

"Okay. Fine. I'll suck your..."

"No!" Ballard chuckled, "Believe me, spending all this time with you again is awesome, but..."

"Are you, Ballard Kipton, turning down sex?" I asked.

"We're better as friends, don't ya think?" Ballard asked, "Besides, we'll only mess it up."

"When did we get all relationshipy?" I asked.

"When you offered to suck my d..."

"I was not offering to be your boyfriend." I said, "I was finding any excuse not go home."

"Why?"

"It's tense there." I said standing, "I'm not one to run away from problems, but I'd board a bus if I knew where I was going."

"A bus? Dear God, man, you have money now. Take a plane." Ballard said.

"Ah screw you, whore-in-remission." I said, leaving.

Chapter 57: I'm Not Calling you a Ghost, so Stop Haunting Me

In a very thinly veiled attempt to get out of the house, I said I needed to go to the store. Mom wanted to spend as much time as she could with Eric's illegitimate children. I felt familial towards the children, but they were extremely bad. Bad in the sense that they were always doing something. I didn't know how I would explain spending the better part of a day with him, but I just figured it would be a challenge I was up for. There was nothing to do. I was a writer and my book was being published, but until then, I was just going to be bored. Never broke though. I had enough money to never be broke. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a millionaire, but I was able to sustain a good life. Royalties were still coming. Everything was new. It was a new chapter in my life. I struggled a little in the beginning. It had taken this long and countless other writings later and now my whole book was being published. I felt an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. It was by my own writing that I was getting noticed. I stood in my room. In my old house, I had written things on my closet door. In this room, the doors were a bare black. The perfect space to paint. So that's what I decided to do! I had already painted stuff and was so deep in concentration, listening to Pandora, that I didn't hear a knock on the door to the room. As the hand touched me, I jumped a little.

"Sorry, you were in the zone." Marco smiled.

I smiled and nodded, "What brings you by?" I asked.

"You know, the symbols are a little...awkward. And the..."

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"I didn't like the way we ended things. I mean, how we ended things last time." He frowned, "I want to be friends again."

"I don't know if we could be friends." I frowned.

"We're live in the same town. I think we have to." Marco said, "And I don't want this to be some kind of war or anything. I mean, the wedding..."

"Is still going through?" I asked.

"It's a matter of days. You know that." Marco said quickly.

"After the kiss..."

"I didn't come here to...talk about that." Marco said, "I came to invite you to the wedding."

I nodded.

"I asked you, the other day, if the kiss meant more. If you wanted more from me and you didn't say anything. Not a word."

"It's not..."

"What is it? Now that it's upon you, you want me back?" Marco asked, "It doesn't work that way. This isn't all about you. I'm glad I'm marrying Julie. She doesn't jerk me around. You're invited to the wedding...there, I said it." He said, turning to leave.

"If it were really over, the kiss wouldn't have happened. You wouldn't be here. And...I'm not crazy. I know I mean more to you."

"You do—did. You did." Marco frowned.

"Please. Don't marry her." I pleaded.

"It's funny. A few days ago, that would have meant something to me." He said, leaving.

"Wow, that was brutal." Jennifer smirked, standing at the door.

I rolled my eyes and began painting again.

"You have a real way with the guys." Jennifer smirked, walking into my room.

"Did I say you could come in?" I asked.

"We're family now." She smirked, "As a matter of fact, come give me a kiss."

I stopped painting to look at her, "I'm going to love it when I get your ass." I said quickly, "I'm older, but I haven't changed. I just evolved. And when we finally take you down, I'm going to make it so that you can never come back."

Jennifer almost lost the smirk, but quickly smiled, "Threats? You would force me to leave...with my children?" she asked.

I stared at her.

"Oh! That's right. Then you would be taking your niece and nephew out of your brother's life. I wonder how he'd feel about that." Jennifer smiled, "I've got you by the balls. Face it sweetie, you're donezo." She said, leaving.

She was a bitch. But she wasn't wrong.

-           

"She said that?" Hannah asked.

"She is such a bitch." Kendall frowned.

"But she's a bitch who's right." I frowned.

"Worse kind of bitches." Christina frowned.

"Guys, think about what we're saying. We'd ruin someone's life." Kendall frowned, "No matter what a bitch she is, shouldn't we be better?"

"She held this over not only our heads, but over our friends' heads." Christina said quickly, "This bitch has got to pay."

"What about the pictures?" Hannah asked.

"We need to find a way to erase the pictures. I'm betting she's bluffing. She can't have more pics." Christina said.

"What if she does." Kendall asked.

"Maybe it's time for you to come clean." Hannah said.

"Maybe you're right." Christina said.

"What? She's not right! Chris, we lose everything and you two are accessories." Kendall said, "We can't tell the truth."

"But it would fix everything." I said.

"It would screw up much more." Kendall said, "We need a new plan."

"I don't think we have any other choice." Christina frowned, "We either tell or spend the rest of our lives under that fertile cow's thumbs."

There was a knock at the door.

"That must be Ian." Hannah said, going to the door.

"So, what about Marco?" Kendall asked.

"He's getting married." I smiled, "And I have to have the grace to accept that I can't change it."

"Screw grace, what'd the bitch ever do for you?" Christina asked.

"Maybe she'll make him happier than I do."

"He's bi. He likes dick. I don't think she could make him happy with just her equipment." Christina smirked.

"But I wonder if he'd be happy with just mine." I smiled.

"It's so weird. Remember when we all thought she was dead?" Kendall asked.

"Who?" Christina asked.

I was the first to see her, "Julie." I said quickly.

Julie stood with ugly orange dresses in hand. Just the type of dresses I'd expect from her tacky ass. That wasn't nice. I had to be cordial.

"I was just stopping by to drop off the bridesmaid dresses." Julie said, handing them out. She paused when she was done, "I didn't know you'd be in town or I'd have asked you to be in the wedding."

Kendall, Christina and I exchanged glances while Hannah mouthed, "I'm sorry" behind her.

"Who said we were going to be in your wedding?" Christina asked.

"We haven't been anywhere near close." Kendall said quickly.

"It was always our plan. We'd all be in each other's weddings." Julie smiled, "It would mean so much to me and my fans."

"Your fans?" I asked.

"Yes. E! is paying a lot of money for inside scoop. Think Kim K and Kris H before they split." Julie smiled, "I really hope you'll make it Adaen."

"Oh really, why is that?" I asked.

"We used to be close. Closer than most." Julie said, "I'll have the perfect guy and the perfect wedding and I want you there to enjoy it with me."

I felt a little queasy. I was hoping I'd throw up on her. No such luck.

"Wouldn't miss it." I said, giving a fake smile.

"And I hope you'll all bring dates. This is going to be romantic. I've been meeting with wedding planners and we're really excited." Julie smiled.

"Here's hoping your marriage is as successful as Kim K and Kris H." I smirked.

Julie chuckled nervously and turned to leave. Hannah saw her out.

"Good one." Kendall smiled.

"I wonder if it's too late to go with grace." I sighed.

-           

I was walking through the campus of Hargrove. I noticed that Rocco seemed to be with his friends. I talked to Hope, who said she was going to lunch with some guy named Damon. I had come by to take them to dinner, her and Peter. She said that Peter would be in the library. He was a library aide until lunch and that's where he'd most likely be. I made my way to the library quickly. I paused at the entry of library and looked back down the hall. Years had passed but it all felt fresh. So many crazy things had happened and now here I am, back in this hallway where I almost died. A maniac had chased us down this hall and through these glass library windows. I stopped at the corner and listened to the conversation I had walked upon.

"No. You said you were going to come out! It's hard enough not talking to you when I need to, but for you to joke about me to your friends."

That was Peter. There was silence. I assumed Josh was signing to him.

"Don't tell me to calm down. I'm not being erratic!" Peter said angrily, "We've been dating for a while now. I broke up with my last boyfriend because he couldn't be himself around others and now you're...No! I don't want... That's not going to work this time. Wait...where are you going?"

Josh stormed around the corner and past me. I walked into the library to see a very angry Peter. I smiled to him and asked him to come to lunch, which he quickly accepted and we headed to Rylph's. On the ride over, we didn't really talk. I could tell he was pissed but I chose to ignore it until we got to where we were going. We sat down at a table quickly and Peter was on his phone most of the time.

"So, I take it that Josh doesn't want to come out yet." I smiled.

Peter looked at me oddly.

"Oh come on, I do have ears and I know that you're dating him." I said, "And I assume that your first boyfriend was probably Rocco."

"You think you can just come back here after you left and know everything? You're supposed to be so wise because you've written a few things?" He lashed out.

"No, and I'm starting to believe you're forgetting who I am." I said quickly, "I didn't leave for good. I came back from time to time, I invited you to where I live. Don't make this about me."

"Just mind your own business." He said standing.

"Okay," I said standing, "That's it. Sit down or I swear I'll kick your little caramel ass."

Peter looked to be sizing me up, then sat down.

I sat too, "You can't coax someone to come out and you can't make them either. Remember how you came out? Do you want that for him?" I asked.

"No, but...It's lonely." Peter frowned, "I have a best friend who is exploring with boys..."

"Umm huh?"

"And a boyfriend who isn't out." Peter frowned.

"Can you go back and explain the exploring?" I asked.

"Nobody understands." Peter said.

"Oh...god. It's been so long since I'd heard that...Didn't miss it at all. Said it myself." I said, "There are people who know what that feels like. Some people know how your individual loneliness feels like."

"Some people, or you?"

"Both." I smiled, "Have you met me? I was all angst and drama. I came back to find that my ex moved on. He's marrying someone."

"But you moved on too."

"No, I didn't." I said quickly, "I should have, but I didn't."

"What are you going to do?" Peter asked.

"What can I do?" I asked.

"Fight. The guy I knew would never roll over." Peter frowned.

"The guy you knew was twenty one and new to the world." I said.

"You're three years older." Peter snapped.

"He also had nothing to lose." I smiled, "And there was less on my mind."

"I liked him." Peter said quickly, "I respected him."

I looked away from him, in shame and sadness. He was right. This wasn't me. I couldn't let him go that easily and I couldn't just watch him marry someone else.

"I think you need to find your balls."

"Even if I find my balls, he doesn't want them anymore. He made it clear." I frowned, "I have to move on."

"Fine."

"And what does that have to do with you?" I asked, "He, and by He I mean your cute little boyfriend, shouldn't have to come out. When he feels like coming out, he will. Or won't. Or whatever. The problem isn't him, it's you."

Peter looked very offended, "ME?! The problem is me!? No the problem is that my boyfriend can't find his balls!" he said, standing, "So forget you and your stupid advice!" he said leaving.

I sighed to myself. This didn't go nearly the way I thought it should go.

"Hey."

I looked up to see Michael Hartford, Peter and Hope's music teacher.

"Hey." I smiled.

"That didn't go well." Michael smirked.

"No, it didn't." I chuckled.

"Mind if I..."

"No, go ahead." I said, "So, you were listening?"

"No. I just saw him storm out." Michael said, "So, was it personal or..."

"No. He's like five." I smiled, "I don't date teens...unless, ya know, I am a teen."

"He's a good student. It's gotta be hard." Michael said, "I wasn't exactly unpopular."

"Same here." I lied, "I was...very..."

"Nice lie." Michael chuckled.

"I was popular, then I wasn't, then I was, then I was outted." I said, "High school was a roller coaster."

"I know how you feel. I know how he feels too." Michael said, "I didn't realize I was gay until I was trying to feel up Macy Anderson at the Winter Formal."

"You're gay?" I asked.

"Yes." Michael said, "You didn't know? What about that gaydar?"

"Broken." I said, "Since like 1998."

"You know, Hope talks about you a lot."

"Oh really professor Hartford, do tell."

"She's proud of you. She can't stop." Michael smiled.

"Really? At home she treats me like the plague." I smiled.

"I grew up a few towns over, but I remember reading about you. The school shooting and that psycho and then the massacre." Michael said, "I hope I'm not...going into anything too personal. Some people don't like to talk about stuff like that."

"No. I'm absolutely cool with it. It was a long time ago. I barely remember it." I smiled.

"Or do your remember it down to the last detail?" Michael asked.

I smirked.

"It's okay. I told you, I'm not going to pry." Michael said, "You know, I remember reading and our school talking about it. We had a whole lot of safety training for it. There was a curfew for a while."

"Sorry. There's still...I still remember it." I frowned, "I thought that if I made it out of there, that life would get so much better and for a while, it didn't. Then my dreams started coming true and your dreams are never realized how you want them to. Sometimes you get them and realize that you never wanted them at all. You want something totally different."

"What do you do when that happens?" Michael asked.

"I'll tell you when I figure it out." I smiled.

Just then, I noticed Marco at the cash register. He was staring at us. I guess me seeing him prompted him to come over. He was walking over very quickly with his food. I couldn't think of anything to do or say, but I knew it would have to be ubercool.

"Hey." Marco said, "Didn't think I'd see you here."

I was silent. And so was he.

"Hi, I'm Michael Hartford." Michael said, extending his hand.

Marco ignored it.

"I guess you move on fast. You deserve better." He said, turning and leaving.

"He was...not nice." Michael chuckled.

"Can I see you later?" I asked.

"Sure." Michael smiled.

I got up and exited the diner quickly, "Hey!" I called out.

As I got closer to Marco, he turned to face me with his food in hand.

"Don't do that ever again."

"I'm sorry. I..."

"I can do better?! Really? I'm begging you not to make the biggest mistake of your life and you're blowing me off, but you tell me I can do better?!" I asked, "You don't get to say that to me!"

"It's the truth!" Marco argued, "You deserve...you deserve..."

"You." I said softly.

"No. All I'm saying is that you can do better." He said, walking away.

-           

As I drove home, I began wondering what the Hell I was doing. Nothing was like it should be. I had come back to find my boyfriend to be somebody's husband. It had become very One Tree Hill. Who knew things like this really happen in real life, but it actually did. This was so wrong. How can any of this be right? I needed some rest and a new plan. There was so much up in the air. So much I didn't know. My world was swirling around me. I was afraid of what would be there when it stops. I put my key into the lock and twisted the knob only to be shocked.

"Hey."

I jumped and looked around to see a figure standing on the sidewalk. I recognized the voice.

"Ben?" I asked.

-         

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed. Please give me some feedback because that's how I get started. So, I want you guys to tell me how I'm doing.