Date: Wed, 25 Jun 2008 23:11:05 +0200
From: feistontibia@gmail.com
Subject: For the sake of it: Emotions on display chapter 7

Written by: Feist
E-mail: feistontibia@gmail.com


---------------------DISCLAIMER--------------------
This story will eventually contain sexual acts
between underage males. It will also contain strong
language, violence and graphic details.
If you are underage, stop reading now.
If you live in an area where any of these before
mentioned acts are illegal, stop reading now.
If you're offended by existentialist views, or sexual
acts between male teenagers, stop reading now.
If this does not apply for you, enjoy reading!
---------------------DISCLAIMER--------------------


                       		CHAPTER 7

The last two classes were deadly tiring. Not because we had so much to
do, but because we actually had nothing to do AT ALL. I just sat there
looking out of the window, thinking about Terry. It's unnatural that
something can stay in my head for this long. Not even a hard test can
stress me out like this. I just wanted the answer to what I was feeling.
Did I love Terry? Did I just want a friend, and saw him fit? It
literally drove me crazy. I wish I could just... switch off my head, or
be able to press certain buttons for certain feelings. Later in life,
I'm going to invent that. I'm sure I'd win the Nobel prize.

Almost five hundred years later, the bell rang. OK, two hours, but it
could've been five hundred years as well. The teacher definitely looked
like if she were five hundred, voice and all. I had already gathered all
my stuff and was the first one to leave class. I hurried myself through
the crowds of kids over to my locker, to dump all the books I didn't
need. Luckily no teacher gave me any homework today so I decided to just
leave everything here. It was also that, for some reason, I hoped Terry
would be at my locker. I don't know why he would be, but...Please hit me
with something hard and blunt. This cannot go further this way. I'll
have to find something to distract myself and not stumble over issues
like love. It's not worth it, it always proves not to be. I shut my
locker door louder than normally, and walked off, getting mad at myself.
I had a funeral to attend to, and all I was worrying about was some
stupid good looking boy, who also happened to be very nice, and
friendly... Hit me again, for Christ's sake! Just stop thinking or
something, it's not doing me any good. I ran out of the school, bumping
into all kinds of people. I heard some loud shouts coming from behind,
and knew some people wouldn't be too happy with me. It didn't matter to
me though, I just needed to get away from this place. This place just
fucked up my brain too much, flooding me with all kind of boxed-wise
thinking. I didn't need any of that. I was trying too hard to escape it
for my own good. When I got home, it would all be over.

When I left the building I saw my grandma's car already standing near
the gates, so I walked over there with quick paces, opened the door and
stepped in. I turned my face away immediately, staring out of the
window.

"Hello yourself too," my grandma said, raising her voice a bit. "What's
happened to you, running out of school like if you're being chased by
Satan himself?" she asked, some irony in her voice.

"It's nothing, school was just boring.." I replied, not wanting to go
into detail. "How's mom doing?" I asked her, but still only watching
outside

"I want you to look at me when you speak Damian," she started, and I
already didn't feel like it anymore. I turned my head inside the car and
took notice of her. "Your mother is doing pretty well, compared with
yesterday. The doctor says that her mood shifts might return, but he's
not able to say if and when they will." she said, getting friendlier
again. I was glad with this news, I knew my mom would be alright, and
then it would just be me and my mother again. I also knew that after the
funeral, things would be completely different in our house. Completely.

The drive home was chaotic because of all the traffic. At some point
while we were driving, my grandma ran a red light.

"Grandma!," I said shocked, "Didn't you see the red light!?" I almost
had to laugh now.

"Oh my god! A red light? No, I didn't see any red light at all!" she
said. She then did the most ridiculous thing ever. She stopped the car
and drove back, to wait for the red light. Now I have seen a lot of
weird things in my life, but my grandma was of course able to surpass
them.

"What'd you do that for..?" I asked her, after which she looked over to
me with a stern look in her face.

"Damian, running a red light is a very dangerous thing to do. Promise me
you'll never do it" she said

"Ehm..fine, I wont grandma. Good thing you drove back, with all the cars
crossing from different angles and such.." I said, and decided to let
the subject drop. We waited for almost a minute before the light turned
green, after which we continued home.

When I walked into the living room I saw my mother watching a DVD. I had
to look for a few seconds to see what it was, but didn't recognize it.
It was a drama however, and I really didn't understand my mother wanted
to look at something like that now. It was exactly like here though.
She'd fall asleep in every good movie, except a drama. The movies my
mother liked had story lines that went as follows: a husband cheats on
his wife with the neighbours daughter, who happens to be the cousin of
the wife's grandmother. After the divorce, the mother will then find
true love with the other neighbour's son, who actually is the bastard
son of the local mayor. This mayor has another son dying of some funny
disease, which is why he flips out and starts to kill his whole family.
And for bonus points, the transsexual dog from the cousin of the mayor
gets run over by a truck. Don't ask me.

I studied my mom for a while. She had a box of tissues standing next to
her, a glass of wine in her hand and a bag of chips next to her. She was
completely drawn into the movie, and didn't even notice me walking
towards her. I sat down beside her on the couch, and softly touched her
shoulder. She nearly jumped up from this, and immediately turned her
head to look at me.

"Damian! So glad to see you, how was school today?" she said, completely
forgetting about the movie. Her voice was just a bit too happy than I
would expect it to be, so I knew something was up. I scanned the room a
bit, and saw the bottle of wine standing next to the couch. It was
almost empty, maybe a few drops left.

"Did you drink that whole bottle..?" I asked her, curiosity in my voice.
I knew my mom liked a glass of wine, but a whole bottle? And she hadn't
even been home by herself very long before my grandma came to pick me
up.

"This whole bottle? What are you talking about, of course I didn't take
the whole bottle!" she said, after which she just wove the glass of wine
through the air, as to put strength to her words. Half of the glass
spilled over her clothes though, so I knew how far it was then. I stood
up and walked to the kitchen, where my grandma was boiling some water
for the spaghetti.

"Grandma..I think mom had a bit too much to drink.." I said, a slightly
concerned tone in my voice. My grandma looked at me for a bit,put down
her spoon and walked outside of the kitchen. I followed her to see what
was going to happen.

"Helen, what's this? Did you drink that whole bottle in the time I went
to pick up Damian...?" she said, and it was obvious she didn't want any
lies.

"Mom, of course I didn't! Your just believing him aren't you? Well, he's
just a boy, I'm a grown up responsible woman. I would never just drink
that whole bottle. See? There's still some left!" she said, picking up
the bottle and showing the last bits in it. My grandma shook her head
and walked over to her to grab the bottle.

"I think that's enough for today Helen...We'll be having dinner in ten
minutes and I expect you to be there. Conversation was over, something
in my grandma's way of speaking demanded obedience.

I helped my grandma putting everything on the table, and couldn't wait
to eat. I was starving! I walked to my mother and told her we were going
to have dinner. She looked at me like if I were mad, as if I just told
her the most outrageous thing.

"Dinner? At this time? Aren't you supposed to be in bed by now? You see,
this always happens when my mom shows up. You stay up way too late, it's
like what, eleven already?" she asked, looking at me in disbelief. I
didn't know how to respond and just told her that I came home somewhat
late and that dinner was a bit postponed. "Fine then, but after dinner,
it's straight to bed young man!" she said, her voice reeking of wine and
alcohol. She stood up and tried to walk to the table. My mom never drank
a lot, so having had one bottle was more than enough. She swayed her way
towards the table, grabbing objects in her way like chairs to keep her
on her feet. I quickly came up to her and put her arm around me. We
walked to the table together, and I put her in the chair she normally
sat. My grandma followed shortly, coming out of the kitchen with a big
pan of spaghetti. She sat down and started to divide the food. "Mom,
couldn't you wait for George again? He's about to get out of work now"
my mom spoke, and immediately my whole attitude changed. I had been
happy for a big part of the day, until I went thinking about love. I was
partly OK when I got home, even my mom being drunk wasn't so much of a
problem. But her forgetting about my dad dieing was something I just
couldn't deal with. This just had to stop.

"He's dead! He's killed himself in a car accident, and he's NOT coming
back!" I shouted, looking at my mom furiously. I had no idea where the
sudden rage came from, but it definitely needed to get out. "He's not
coming back, and you know it! Now quit the bullshit and eat!" I followed
then, and hit my fists on the table. I didn't look carefully though, and
smashed my spaghetti filled plate. I felt that I had cut my hand, but
the blood was mixing up with the sauce so it wasn't that visible. I
stood up and cursed myself. I went to the kitchen, put my hand under the
sink and saw the cut wasn't particularly deep. It was just an annoying
pain searing through it. I put a band-aid on it and went back to the
table and sat down again... Wow, that was quite a relieve. Everyone on
the table was silent as the grave. My grandma looked at me with a blank
expression on her face, and my mom looked like if she had just had her
eyes poked out.

"...Honey, if your dad sees that you.." my mom started, but that was the
final drop. I threw away my chair whilst standing up, turned around and
angrily went to my room. I knew my mother probably couldn't help it, but
I just couldn't face her denial anymore. Friday my dad would be buried,
and it was now Wednesday already. It was about time she came to her
senses. I decided to just boot up the PC to check my mail and my small
speech. I knew it wasn't anywhere near perfect, but it had to do. At
least everything was there, and that should be enough.

I opened up my e-mail client and saw a new mail from Dennis. I must've
stared at the name for a few seconds, thinking why he would suddenly
mail me. When I clicked the mail it started to unfold and I read it.

"Damian, I have just finished scanning the notes I took from class the
other day. I thought that you needed them perhaps, so I put them through
a picture editor to make the text somewhat more visible and read-able
than it was before. It's seven pages, and really interesting stuff
really! Well, I'll see you in class tomorrow, that is, if you're coming?
Anyway have a nice evening and see ya later,  Dennis"

It really was a cool thing of him to do, thinking back of it, I hadn't
remembered anything from that class. Everything the teacher said just
completely flew by me. I also had to laugh that he send in seven papers,
while I was sure three would've done fine too. But that's just how he
was, a good student. An adorable good student. Wow, that was my second
personal mail in..a week! It really does need someone to die to get any
attention doesn't it? But that's how life is I guess... luckily not all
of the care was meant for me then, they just did it because they felt
sorry for me. Tell you what though, I don't need pity. It's nice to get
a mail with seven sheets of notes, but he wouldn't have done that in a
normal situation either. I hit the reply button and send him a mail with
my thanks in it, making it quick. I'd see him at school tomorrow anyway.

While it was only eight 'o clock, I decided it was late enough for me
and just go to bed. I didn't want to have another run up with my mother,
especially when she was being drunk. Sleep would do me good now, and
that was exactly what I was going to get.

The next morning I woke up earlier than normal, which isn't weird
considering my early bedtime. I took quite some time in the shower, and
was gladly surprised my mom or grandma didn't complain about it.
Normally my mom would've been shouting at the door, trying to not make
me waste so much water. In my room I picked out something decent to
wear, went downstairs and ate some breakfast. Today I'd just take the
bus to school again, no need for my grandma to bring me. She did
complain a bit though, telling me she could still bring me to school,
but I made my decision already. She probably thought I still had some
trauma going over the whole bus thing.

Ten minutes later I was waiting for the bus to come, and when it came I
did get a bit nervous. I don't know where it came from, but just seeing
this bus..like a few days ago, before it got crashed, gave me the
creeps. I went inside though and sat near the front. If anything I would
be able to make it out of there quickly. The whole bus drive was
quite..nerve wrecking, especially at the place where the crash was. I
felt like the whole accident was about to happen again; reaching out to
the chair in front of me, but it wasn't necessary. This time, we didn't
crash. Thank god.

At school everything was still the same, I looked for people that I knew
and saw Dennis sitting on a bench. I walked over there, and once he saw
me, he got excited immediately. I sat down next to me and put my bag
down.

"Morning! Thanks for the notes Dennis, I think they might just come in
handy." I said, putting on a happy face for him. He looked at me
intently, probably happy with the acknowledgment for his deed.

"Oh! That! ..It's no problem really, anytime," he said, giggling
nervously. "I thought I'd send them, you know, because you looked
so...sad the other day. Are..are you alright now?" he said, looking at
me hopefully. He was holding a pencil and twisted it around, all the
time. He really was a nervous boy. I didn't really understand though.

"Yea, I'm a lot better. Thanks. But Dennis, don't mind me asking, what's
with the pencil?" I asked him, trying to sound cool about it.

"Pencil? What do you..oh! yea, I know, it's just...I don't know, I'm
just a bit nervous I guess." He said, now blushing furiously. What the
hell was going on with him? He was blushing and giggling like..like a
person in love, but how could that be the case here? I decided to let
the subject rest for his sake, not wanting to embarrass him any further.
Maybe he just didn't have a lot of friends and got nervous while
speaking with someone. Very acceptable reason. I looked at my watch and
saw there was about ten minutes left for class to start.

"Hey, you know, do you wanna grab lunch together later maybe?" I asked
him nonchalantly. I didn't want him to think I was being weird about it.
His reaction was one that I've never seen from just asking someone for
lunch, at School for the matter.

"Wow! Lunch? Yea sure! That'd be cool, what time do you have lunch
break? Oh...wait, we've got lunch together of course! Hehe, I'm weird
like that sometime." he blurted out, and I really almost fell of the
bench, taken aback by his response. It must've showed on my face,
because he noticed it and immediately started to look worried. "Sorry,
it's just that, normally people don't ask me for lunch. I always have
lunch alone and..well, I just always had lunch alone..I'd like to go
with you, if that's OK." he said, trying to push back his nerves. The
boy was so incredibly cute, he couldn't even imagine. After he said this
he looked back at the ground again, expecting a rejection or something.
I just looked at him though, and tried to see him for what he was. He
had short brown hair, with beautiful hazel eyes. There was something
about hazel eyes that just made them 'pretty', you know? His were
definitely gorgeous. It just...fitted with the rest of him. He had a
slim waist, and you could see he still had a lot of phases to go through
in puberty. I knew he was going to be really cute when this happened
though, and that I couldn't wait to see what he'd turn into. Not that
looking at him now didn't excite me. His whole aura had
something..frail, cute and naive. It was very interesting to see, and
every time I spoke with him, I began to notice it more. He had been
looking at the ground long enough now, waiting for some reply.

"So, I guess I'll see you at lunch then, I'll wait for you in the
cafeteria. Oh and what do you think about maybe Saturday? like, we were
going to hang out you know.." I said, reminding my deal to him. He
looked up again, and his face reddened even more than it had already

"Saturday's...fine! Yea, ehm, let's just go over that during..lunch,OK?"
he asked, clearly not able to say too much about it now.

"OK then! See ya at lunch!" I said, and we both stood up and walked to
our different classes. Seeing Dennis was becoming something I was
looking forward to more than I thought I would. His nervous behaviour
that was bothering me before, was actually quite cute. I also knew he
couldn't be like that forever, and that he'll open up someday and
just..chill out. And if not, then that wouldn't be bad either. I did ask
myself though; was he like this around everyone else, or was it just me?

English class was the first class this morning, and I had all forgotten
about it. How could that happen! I mean, Dario is going to BE there!
He's actually sitting NEXT to me! How great is that? I almost felt
privileged to have the most gorgeous, hot boy in this school sitting
next to me, even CONVERSATING with me. I sat down in class and waited
for the rest of the kids to enter the room. And that's when I saw him.
The rest of the kids almost became a blur in his presence. It was like
he was highlighted out of the picture, as in some kind of clothing
commercial. He really knew how to make an appearance, and I was sure I
wasn't the only one looking at him. The only male one, yes. He had his
bag hanging over one of his shoulder and looked confidently into the
room. He really knew people liked him, and he just loved having all the
girls gaze up to him like that. He walked over to his seat, thus coming
closer to me. He gave me a smile, threw down his bag and crashed down in
the chair next to me.

"Hey dude, what's up? Feeling any better?" he asked, and to my surprise
there was some real concern in his voice. I had to look for words before
I Said them, since I didn't want to make a fool out of myself. It felt
like if everything I could say would sound wrong though, not half as
cool as he could bring it. He must think I'm such a dork.

"Hey, yea I'm good. Better than before at least, if you know what i
mean" I said, trying to sound just as cool as him. It didn't work
though, and I thought the conversation was over after this.

"I'm throwing this party since my parents are out of the country for
business, you maybe, like to come?" he asked me. Oh my god, did he
really just ask me that? Dario Worth, THE Dario Worth, asking me to come
to HIS party? That would just..it had to be a mistake. There were going
to be juniors, maybe even SENIORS, to a party like that! Everyone, even
guys, like to be around him, unconsciously noticing his undeniable cool-
and cuteness. What was I going to tell him? Calm down now Damian, don't
freak out so much. You're not Dennis, and you definitely don't want to
act like him. You've just been asked to one of the best party's this
YEAR, and you're not going to do anything to make him revoke the
invitation. I thought I was being quiet for too long now and decided to
just talk.

"Sure, yea I'd love to come! So when is it?" I asked him, and was glad I
didn't stumble over my words. OK, I could've said something cooler
maybe, but I have nothing to complain so far. As long as I can go to his
party!

"It's coming Saturday, starts around nine. If you want you can crash
over, there's a lot of people doing so. Oh and," he said, now turning
his voice into a slight whisper while moving closer to me, "We've got
the booze settled, I've been able to get my sister to get it." he said,
a devilish grin appearing on his face. He sat back again and just
beamed. "So you'll be there then?" he asked, looking at me expectantly.

I had no idea why Dario would ask ME of all people to a party. Me, Mr.
Unsocial, but I certainly didn't complain. "You bet I'll be there!" I
said there, maybe a bit too happy for the mood I've been showing the
last couple of days. I thought I saw him frown for a bit, but I could've
been mistaken. The rest of the class went by with senseless talk about
decayed writers, all of who brought "valuable input to the English
Literature". Really, if I had to hear one more description about Holden
Caulfield again, I was going to leave the room screaming.

The class was over quick though, and my mind was just at the party
coming Saturday. That's when it made place for more serious matters
again. My dad's funeral. The thought dawned on me like a bomb hitting
it's target. Immediately my mood went downwards again, until nothing
happy was left. Was I ready to say goodbye to him? Was my speech good
enough for him, or did I even forsake him in this? Who was going to show
up, who would be listening...Would there be any students or teachers
coming? My mind flooded with all these questions, and I was actually
happy when I got bumped in the shoulder, looked beside me and saw Terry
walking next to me.

"Hey Damian! How's it going? Didn't think I'd see you here!" he said,
his usual happiness hovering around him. It brightened me up a bit, and
I was happy for the interference with my thoughts

"Rather good, I've been invited to this AMAZING party next Saturday! How
about you?" I told him, the excitement dripping off of me.

"Oh that's cool, well, I'm holding up I guess. I spoke with Melissa
today, which was quite cool." he said, beaming while mentioning her
name. "So who's party is it?" He then asked, and got a rather curious
look on his face.

"Dario Worth's party," I said, nonchalantly. He stopped walking and just
stood there. I turned around, wondering what's up.

"Dude! You've gotta be kidding me! You're going to Dario Worth's party?
He's like, THE popular guy in school! There's probably going to be
juniors; maybe seniors! oh and..and.. maybe even Melissa is going!" He
said, and was now practically jumping up and down. "Can't you ask him if
I can, you know, join in too?" He asked, and I had to laugh from his
reaction. I didn't really know how to tell no to such a cutie so just
figured; why not.

"Sure, I can always ask him. I'll bet the house is going to be loaded;
his parents are away on business trip so he's got the house all for
himself." I said, now getting excited all over again.

"My god! really? It's going to be WAY awesome! I'll just BET you
there'll be booze!" He said, and the sparkle that he normally had in his
eye was even more attracting.

"Yep, his sister got the booze for him. Don't wanna know how much he had
to pay her" I said, laughing. We walked around the corner and saw we
were almost at our classes. This time he was in the room next to me. I
just wished I could be in the same room as him, sitting as close to him
as I sat next to Dario in English class. But that wasn't going to
happen. I looked at him one more time before he walked into his
classroom, took a deep sigh and walked into my own.


END OP CHAPTER 7





-----------------------------ATTENTION-------------------------
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