Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2005 20:03:31 EST
From: Madasonaysha@aol.com
Subject: "I Hate Anthony" chapter 2 Gay/ High School & Gay / Interracial

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, as are all of the
characters.  This story is about the conflicts and inner turmoil between
two teen boys, one Black and one Latino and how they overcome them.  If
that bothers you then I suggest you don't read.

Edited by Metis
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"Around My Way" High School and Interracial (last updated January 5th)
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"I HATE ANTHONY"
                  by Maddy A.

CHAPTER TWO: LUNCH TABLES

Brian sat at the lunch table he shared with his four close's
friends.  Across from him sat Riley, one of the only few white people who
attended their high school.  Riley was heavy set with medium length
blonde hair that at the moment was streaked with blue.  He was into punk
rock and fit in as much as Brian did.  They had a common bond in musical
tastes and Riley was one of the funniest people that he knew.  Next to
Riley sat Tracy on one side and Jackson, sometimes known as Jacky, on the
other.  Jacky had to be the one who didn't fit in the most with the
group.  He was fairly popular and was on the basketball team.
Jackson's mother was Italian and his father was Black and you could
clearly see both sides of his heritage shown on his face.  His skin was
extremely light like his mothers, with a slight tan to it and he kept his
curly hair closely cropped into a low fade. Most people would naturally
assume that he was one hundred percent Italian and that bothered him.  He
was proud to be half black and he felt that when people would assume that
he wasn't mixed, they were denouncing his father.  His eyes were coal
black and held an intensity that intrigued some and put off others.  He
stood at just over six feet and was very muscular, but still lean at the
same time.  His girlfriend Regina sat next to Brian.  At first Brian
didn't get along with her.  He found her obnoxious and at times a
little too loud for his liking and he hated her dyed red hair, he thought
she looked cheap and the color didn't go with her caramel
complexion.


The main reason he didn't like her in the beginning was a reason he
wouldn't admit to anyone, he barely admitted it to himself.  From the
time that he met Jacky in the eighth grade until late last year in the
tenth, Brian had the hugest crush on him.  No one knew that Brian was
into guys and he would have it no other way.  He didn't want to be
gay and he especially didn't want anyone else to know.  His mother
would kill him if the people around his neighborhood didn't first.
You can't be a black man from the hood and be gay.  You just
couldn't.  Being gay made you less than a man and Brian didn't
want to be looked down in that manner.  Regina was around Brian's
height and thick in the waist, but cute in the face and eventually won
over Brian with her charm.


"Oh my god can you believe that Marissa would take Arthur's side
instead of Ryan's?" Tracy exclaimed.


"I know what you mean.  That just goes to show you that rich people
have no sense of loyalty." Brian exclaimed.


"No, what you mean is that white people don't know how to be
loyal."  Tracy said.  Riley looked up from his lunch annoyed by
Tracy's racist comment.


"What do you mean white people don't know how to be loyal?
HELLO----Irish guy, sitting right here."  Riley countered.


"Well Rye's it's true." Tracy said nonchalantly as if it
was a fact and not a statement.  Brian hated when the two of them went at
it.  Now he loved Tracy, she had been there for him when he felt like he
had no one, but he couldn't stand some of the racist comments she
would say from time to time.  He knew that Tracy wasn't truly a
racist person.  She just listened to her father ramble on one to many
times on how unfairly he felt white people had treated him. Despite the
fact he was a high-ranking officer in the army, he still felt like
"The Man" cheated him.  Brian hated when people would blame all
their problems on white people.  True, racism still existed, but he felt
that no one's problems should be put on anyone else than that
person.  This wasn't 1950 when black people didn't have any rights.
It was the new millennium and he didn't like that old school way of
thinking.  His mother always told him, `A man is responsible for his
own actions and no other man is.'


"You know what Tracy, shut up and eat your lunch, I can see your ribs
through your shirt." Riley said and the table erupted in laughter.
Brian tried to stifle his laugh, but he couldn't.  Tracy glared at
them and got quiet.  Every one knew that if Tracy had a sore spot it was
regarding her weight.  She hated being so thin and didn't like it
when people pointed it out.  She didn't have an eating disorder, just
a high metabolism.  She wished she could be thicker like Regina, then
maybe she could keep a man.  Riley and Brian got into a discussion about
the latest albums that they bought.


"You have got to get that new Muse album dude.  `Time is running
out', it kicks wicked ass!" Riley exclaimed.


"No dude I didn't buy it yet.  You gotta let me borrow that.
I'm strapped for cash and I don't get paid for another two
weeks.  I'll let you borrow my Interpol album."  Brian stated.


"Which one?" Riley asked.


"Turn on the bright lights."


"Hated it, how about your, Smiths singles album?"


"Done, but you know I was only joking when I'd said I'd like
to smash every tooth in your head and by rights you should be bludgeoned
in your bed, so why don't you throw in your Hawthorne Heights album
and we have a deal." Brian said, quietly singing the lyrics to his
favorite song.


"Done, and nice usage of the Morrissey song lyrics by the way.  But
you know, I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally
vulgar, I am the son and heir of nothing in particular." Riley stated
plainly, speaking the words instead of singing them as well, to the
signature "The Smiths" song.


"You shut your mouth how can you say, I go about things the wrong
way..." Brian responded in the same manner and they both
joined in to sing the last part.  "I am human and I need to be loved,
just like everybody else does..."  They both fell back laughing.
Everyone at their table looked at them like they were weird, but they
were all use to Brian and Riley's odd musical tastes.


Jackson sat in silence, quietly observing Brian.  They had been friends
since eighth grade, but sometimes he felt that he didn't really know
him.  Lately he was starting to have weird thoughts about him that left
him confused.  He loved his girlfriend Regina and was sexually attracted
to her, but lately he was starting to think that maybe he was attracted
to Brian.  No, scratch that, Jackson wasn't into guys.  He never
looked at guys before, but lately he had been noticing small things about
Brian.  Like when he would smile, the dimples on both his cheeks would
deepen.  When he laughed, the corners of his nose crinkled up and his
upper lip would curve or how smooth his dark brown skin was, almost like
black silk.  Jackson was kicking himself for those thoughts.  He knew he
couldn't be gay.  If he were, then he would have been having those
thoughts about other guys and probably for a longer time.  He only had
those thoughts about Brian and it had only been going on for about a
month.


"Aye Yo, Dizzy man, you coming over to chill later?"  Jackson
asked. His voice was thick with that familiar thick gruffness that almost
everyone from their city had.  Tough when necessary, but with a hint of
eloquence.  A weird combination that many tried, but rarely mastered,
Jacky being one of the exceptions.


"Sure dude, I didn't know we were hanging out today?" Brian
said.  Jackson had started acting weird around him lately.  He
couldn't place the vibes that he would read off of him, but they both
intrigued and frightened him.


"Oh I thought that we could hang out today, you know just us
boys."  When Jackson said that Riley looked over at him with curious
eyes.


"Well where's my invite?" Riley asked.  It wasn't that
Jackson didn't like him, in fact he did like him, but he couldn't
understand the changes that he made.  Two years back, Riley had been one
of the most popular kids in school. He was only one of a handful of white
kids, but he fit in with just about any group.  He had been the freshman
class president and first string on the football team.  He had one of the
prettiest girls in school as his girlfriend and a shit load of friends.
Then one day he showed up at school with a punk rock clothes on and his
normally long dark blond hair was dyed into this funny green color and
cut into a faux hawk.  He stopped playing football and hanging out with
all the other jocks.  He seemed to be depressed a lot of the time, but
Jackson didn't feel that they were close enough for him to probe, but
he couldn't help but to wonder what made Riley undergo such a radical
transformation.  Sometimes he would feel awkward around him.  He was the
only person who had been friends with Riley both before and after his
transformation.


"Of course you can come, you don't even need an invite.  You guys
just meet me at the Gym after school.  Coach want to talk to us about
something then we could bounce." Jackson said.  Brian put his Turkey
sandwich down and looked in disbelief at Jackson.  All of Brian's
friends were more than aware of the hatred that he felt for Anthony.


"Well then I guess I'll just have to meet you at your house
because there is no way you are getting me to wait for you at that damn
Gym where Big and Tan Asshole can dish out some shit on me." Brian
stated.  His tone was cold and hard and left little room for argument.
Jackson was all too aware of the problems that Anthony and Brian had with
each other and he did not understand why there was so much hate between
the two of them.  Brian was one of the funniest people that he knew and
had the biggest heart to go along with his big smile.  If you needed
something and he had it, he would give it to you.  Anthony could be a
cocky son of a bitch sometimes, but it all came from a good place.  For
almost four years Jackson had to endure the battle that waged between
Brian and Anthony and sometimes he would be torn as to whose side to
take.  On one hand he had Brian, his goofy smart ass little friend who
could charm the legs off of a paraplegic then on the other hand was his
buddy from basketball Anthony, who was equally, if not more charming,
confident, and honestly brash. A trait that Jackson sometimes respected
and other times loathed.


"Dizzy you don't have to worry about Anthony, just wait up in the
bleachers, I'll only be a second." Jackson whined.  Brian knew
that he would eventually give in because Jacky possessed this annoying
characteristic where he could bug the shit out of you until you gave him
what he wanted. Brian referred to this as "Only Child Syndrome"
or more commonly known to his friends as O.C.S.  Brian himself suffered
from this occasionally but not as bad as Jackson did.


"Fine whatever but if he gives me shit your going to have to hold me
back because I don't want to have to fuck him up!" Brian said
sticking out his thin chest to make himself seem bigger.  Everyone
laughed at Brian's feeble attempt at making a threat against
Anthony.  They all loved Brian, but Rocky he was not.


"Don't worry dude, if that punk tries to fuck with you, I got
your back!" Riley said.  Brian playfully punched him in his shoulder
as a sign of agreement and they went back to eating.  Brian was thinking
about skipping Chemistry class and going down to the computer lab but he
didn't want to leave his lab partner Lucia alone.  Lucia was a short
petite Italian girl with long blonde hair and pale blue eyes.  Brian
didn't want to like her because she was the current girlfriend of the
one person in the world he wishes would just disappear.  Lucia and
Anthony had been dating since the start of the school year and now it was
early November.  Brian thought that she must have been stuck up and full
of herself, just like all the other cheerleaders were but she
wasn't.  She wasn't dumb and ditzy; in fact if it weren't for
her, Brian would probably be failing the Chem.  He didn't know what a
smart, pretty girl like her would be doing with such an asshole like
Anthony.


Speaking of the devil, Anthony came walking into the lunchroom with his
two cronies Carlos and Reggie at his heels.  Brain tried to avert his
eyes, but it was like this force was pulling him to look in Anthony's
direction.  At the same time, Anthony just happened to be looking at
Brian.  Their eyes met and Brian quickly turned his away and so did
Anthony.  Anthony and his friends sat at their usual table, which was far
enough from Brian where he could feel comfortable but close enough for
the two of them to make eye contact.   Anthony would glare at Brian from
his table and each time Brian would see him, he turned his eyes away.
This was a game that they were both aware that the other played. At
Anthony's lunch table, he sat silently listening to Carlos talk about
the latest girl he fucked.


"Yo! That bitch is mad crazy! She was all like `what the fuck is
wrong with you! I gave you my virginity!', and I'm giving her the
bullshit speech of, Tracy sweetheart I love you...but I just need some
space." Carlos said, finding humor in what he did to Tracy.   Reggie
laughed along with Carlos but Anthony sat silenced by his thoughts.  His
trance was broken by Reggie's voice.


"Damn son, you really can't stand that kid can you?" Reggie
asked.  Reggie was new to the school that year but he fit in easily with
the other players on the basketball team and the fact that his skinny
light brown body stood at six foot five helped.  He was thin, more like
wiry but with the force that he put into his game you would forget that.
He played like a professional, whole-heartedly and with his soul.  He was
a quiet guy and Anthony liked that about him.  Carlos would get on his
nerves sometimes with the way he would talk about girls and how he
treated them but he was Anthony's best friend and he was not about to
let him know about the things he was bothered by.  He didn't know
Tracy all to well but she seemed nice.  All he really knew was that she
was good friends with Brian.  He use to think that they were dating but
then she started to date Carlos so that thought quickly faded.


"Huh, what are you talking about?" Anthony asked him.  He really
had no clue who Reggie was talking about.


"Brian.  Your going to kill him with the way that you staring him
down." Reggie said and laughed alone at his own corny joke.  Anthony
hadn't even realized that he was looking at Brian and that wasn't
the first time that had happened.  On more than one occasion over the
years he would find himself just staring intently at him.  Sometimes it
would just be a quick glance and other times it would be an intense
stare.  He used to look at him a lot back when they were friends and
Brian never seemed to have minded.  If he did, he never said anything
about it.


"Shit fuck that faggot!  I don't know why you ain't whooped
his ass yet.  That punk need the shit beat out of him!" Carlos said.
He didn't have a reason to hate Brian but he just did.  He thought
that he was weird.  He listened to different music than everybody else
and sometimes he would dress in those awful rock n' roll T-shirts
when he wasn't dressed like some preppy punk from some rich town.
Brian wasn't rich, in fact he was lower middle class like most of all
the other students at Martin Luther King Jr. High School but that
didn't stop him from trying to dress his best.  He liked to wear
collar T- shirts and Khakis.  Sometimes he would slum it with loose jeans
and a T- shirt from one of his favorite bands but most of the time he
liked to wear his preppy clothes.


"Yeah, I really don't like that guy-."  Anthony started to
say but was cut off when his girlfriend of two months kissed his cheek
and sat next to him.


"Who don't you like?" Lucia asked.


"That faggot ass Brian." Carlos said.  Lucia looked at Carlos
with heat in her eyes.  Brian was a nice guy and he didn't seem gay
to her.  A little weird with the way he dressed but he was still
friendly.  She even found him to be funny.


"Shut the fuck up Carlos.  Brian's cool as hell." Lucia
said.  Carlos just rolled his eyes.  Anthony looked at her intrigued.


"What do you know about him?" He asked.


"Oh you didn't know he's my lab partner in Chem.  I thought I
told you." She said.  Anthony knew that she probably already did tell
him but he most likely was not listening to her like he had a tendency of
doing.  It wasn't that he wasn't interested in the things that
she had to say, it was just sometimes he had a lot of things going on
inside of his head and it's was hard to get past the thoughts that
ran through it.  Anthony remained silent through out lunch but no one
questioned him about it.  Over the years, Anthony would get into one of
his moods and not talk to anyone.  Most of the time he was fine but
usually during lunch is when one of his moods would come out.


The day flew by and school now had ended.  Riley wasn't at his locker
so Brian decided to bear it and venture down to the Gym alone.  As soon
as he walked through the doors, Anthony's face turned to him and
glared.  Anthony was standing next to Carlos who was trying to talk to
one of the cheerleaders so he didn't pay Brian any attention, but
Anthony did.  He walked over to Brian and started in on him.


"What the fuck you doing here? You trying to join the team?"
Anthony laughed at his own joke.  There weren't too many people in
the gym and Brian silently thanked God for the lack of an audience.  He
kept his eyes downcast as he responded.


"I am just waiting for Jacky."


"Well Jacky went home sick, I thought he was YOUR FRIEND how come you
didn't know that?" Anthony asked, using that patented ass hole
tone when he spoke that he perfected so well.  Since Jacky had left Brian
didn't see any need on sticking around and tried to make his way for
the door.  Anthony stepped up into Brian's face again.  Brian was not
in the mood to play their little game and tried to get past him but
Anthony grabbed the strap of his book bag which inadvertently sent Brian
falling back on to the Gym floor.  Anthony looked down at him
apologetically.  He didn't mean to make him fall he was just trying
to stop him from leaving.  Brian accidentally bit his lip during the fall
and he could feel it slightly swelling and taste faint traces of salt.
There was a small amount of blood that was hardly noticeable but to
Anthony it seemed like a lot whole lot more.  He wanted to apologize but
that wasn't his style.  He just walked away and watched as Brian
pulled himself up and walked out the doors with his head hanging low.


Brian made his way down the street towards his apartment building.  His
neighborhood was rough and you had to be strong to survive it.  Sometimes
he felt that he wouldn't. The occasionally past out drunk or drug
addict lie in the alleyways that lined his block.  Once in the safety of
his room, he looked at himself in the mirror.  His lip was swelling, but
it wasn't very noticeable.  He wondered why he had to be so weak.
`Why did he push me?' Brian asked himself.  In all the years that
they had hated each other, Anthony had only put his hands on him that one
time.  He didn't know what possessed him to do it, but Brian found
himself digging in his closet for an old tattered shoebox.  He found it
and tears threatened to fall.  He opened it and the first thing that he
saw was a picture of him and Anthony when they were eleven.  It was taken
the summer before they were to start sixth grade.  It was the last summer
that they had been friends.  Brian had his arm stretched up to meet the
taller shoulders of Anthony.  Brian was facing the camera, but Anthony
was looking down at him.  Their arms over the other's shoulders.
Beside the picture was a plastic rubber beetle that Anthony had gotten
out of a gumball machine.  He told Brian that since he already called him
Beetle he thought that he would give him one, that way when Anthony
wasn't around, Brian would always have his "beetle" near
him.  Brian closed the box and put it back in the far end of the closet.
He pushed down the urge to cry and tried to remember that the love he use
to feel for Anthony was gone.  It was just sometimes it didn't always
feel that way.


Down the street, in a different apartment building, Anthony was going
through his own box of memories.  There were a lot of pictures of him and
Brian in there, but he didn't need to look at them to remember the
happy times that they showed.  He looked at them almost daily over the
years and the photos along with the memories that they held were imbedded
in his mind.  He sighed to himself as he closed the box and put it back
in its hiding place.  He asked himself why he had to feel the way that he
did and he asked himself why did it have to be about the one person that
it shouldn't have been.  His head was filled with confusion and his
heart filled with regret.  He closed his eyes to get some much-needed
rest.  Basketball training was hard and he wondered if it was really all
worth it.  Those familiar eyes that made his heart flutter filled his
vision right before sleep over took him....

Copyright 2005

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