Date: Thu, 14 May 2009 09:01:45 -0400
From: hardreader2000@aol.com
Subject: I Thought I Knew - Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17
From Jess' viewpoint

When I got to Billy's house, I immediately recognized Justin's scooter. It
looked like he'd hidden it behind a large bush. That kept people from
seeing it from the street and even the sidewalk, but it was still in
perfect view for anyone walking up to the front door. I was surprised, but
not stunned he was there. I certainly figured out that he'd been helping
Billy, just as he had helped me. At least he helped me until I convinced
myself he was trying to . . . Well, I've told you that part before.

Anyway, I knocked. It's just so ingrained in my upbringing that I couldn't
bring myself to just walk into someone else's home, even though that's what
Billy had said to do. I waited a minute and stepped into the entryway. I
called out politely, "Is anyone home?"

It was completely silent, empty, deserted. So I headed for Billy's room. I
could hear noises as I approached, but I couldn't make sense of them. I
thought maybe it was a video game they were playing. It sounded sort of
like animals – horses maybe – snorting at each other.

Billy's door was half open. From the hallway, I could see the bed. And
Billy. And another person, mostly obscured. But I was sure it was Justin.

My immediate thought was that they were wrestling . . . naked. But before I
could even finish processing that thought, I knew. They were fucking. My
heart stopped beating. My lungs stopped breathing. It was as if all my life
froze in place . . . with me staring at my best friend, the love of my
life, fucking the one person I thought was helping us. I was seeing my best
friend Billy fucking Justin.

At least that's what I thought I saw until I realized I could see Billy's
hard cock rising up from his curly pubes. So was Justin fucking Billy? My
mind reeled. Was Billy riding Justin's cock? Was that even possible? I
didn't really know what they were doing exactly. I couldn't really see that
well from where I was standing, but it was clearly physical and very
sexual.

My mind was a blur. It couldn't process what I was seeing and I didn't want
to see anymore. Then I saw that black plastic penis. It looked like the two
of them were thrusting it in and out of Justin's butt.

With that realization came a kind of relief. My mind said, Calm down. It's
OK. They're not having sex. It's just a . . . and my mind stopped. I just
couldn't remember the word "dildo." My mind went from going insane over
what Billy and Justin were doing to trying to remember what the hell you
call those damn things. I guess it was some sort of defense mechanism that
kept me from going crazy as I watched the two of them. All covered in
sweat. Grunting and laughing. Completely focused on Justin's asshole.

I have no idea how long I stood there watching, my mind lost to the moment
in some crazy word search.

Meanwhile, I could see that all of Billy's attention was focused on
thrusting that black cock into Justin's all-to-willing asshole. Billy was
so busy skewering Justin, he didn't see me. I was behind Justin and so out
of sight to him. As they continued thrusting and groaning and muttering
obscenities and encouragement to each other, I stood transfixed in the
doorway. Watching in silence and disbelief.

Then I realized Billy was looking right at me. He looked scared and sad, or
was it worried. I nodded to him, acknowledging . . . What was I
acknowledging? I have no idea. Little pieces from this time are stuck in my
mind. Me nodding at Billy. His cum pouring from his raging cock as he beat
it mercilessly with one hand and drove that black cock into Justin with the
other. I must remember Justin cumming, too, because in my mind I can see
cum, lots of cum, flying over Justin's head to splatter on the floor in
front of me. Almost to my feet. Billy can't shoot his loads that far.

Then I fled. Running from the house. Running from the vision. Running from
the reality. Only to pass the night trying to reconstruct everything that
had happened from the moment Billy had called me the night before until the
moment Justin's cum splashed on the floor before me and I turned and ran.

As I ran down the hall, I could hear Justin saying, "Billy, was that Jess?
. . . Was it?"

If Billy answered, I didn't hear him.

By morning, I hadn't slept a moment. I'd spent the whole night reliving,
rethinking and rearranging my life and my future. I was too exhausted to go
to school and too . . . Words seem to fail me as I try to explain this. I
wasn't angry that morning. At times I was actually hopeful. I could
convince myself that this was another of Justin's lessons. He was teaching
Billy things he could do . . . things he could do to please me. If Billy
was really gay, wasn't this the sort of sex we were certain to need to do?
I could make sense of it in a way that made me accept their actions as
something other than a betrayal of our friendship and our love . . . at
least my love. My love for Billy. But then that acceptance would
crumble. The tears would flow. And I would start reassembling the pieces
all over again.

I needed to know more than I did, more than I had seen. The only way to
find out other than to ask Billy . . . which I just couldn't do . . . was
to ask Justin.

That's how the following evening I ended up knocking on his bedroom door
asking for help. As always, Justin was incredibly kind and helpful. He got
me some juice and, when he realized I hadn't eaten in 24 hours, he had his
mom fix me a sandwich.

We talked in his room for about an hour. I asked him what had happened and
he asked me how much I really wanted to know. I told him I wanted to know
everything.

"You may wish you didn't. Are you sure?"

I told him I was and he agreed to tell me. He started by telling me about
how Billy had reacted to our date. About how he saw it completely
differently than I did. About how Billy had said he needed to talk to me
and tell me we were always going to be best friends, but that he was in
love with Justin.

Justin told me how he had brought the dildo . . . now I can think of the
word . . . to teach Billy about anal sex. "I thought he was headed in that
direction," Justin said.

"So was it to help him have sex with me," I asked, momentarily back in my
world where everything was really going to turn out OK. Justin looked
pained and before he could answer, I said, "I know better. It's just
wishful thinking on my part. I know it's you he really loves. Not me."

"I don't think Billy loves anyone," Justin said. "I think you are and
always will be his best friend. And I thought when I went to his house last
night that he and I were going to be serious boyfriends. I hoped he could
manage both relationships without anyone getting hurt. That's why I was
there last night."

I didn't understand and told him so.

"The whole point of last night was for Billy to tell you that while he and
I had never planned it . . . never thought that it would or even could
happen . . . he and I had become boyfriends. It started as showing him how
to be a better friend to you and just grew into something else. Something
neither of us could control. But I wanted to make sure that you knew that I
wasn't trying to break up your friendship with Billy. I know how important
it is to both of you. When Billy thought he was straight, he still really
wanted to be as close to you as he could. But . . ." He paused.

"But what?" I asked.

"It was something more. I think I love . . . I loved Billy. He didn't love
me, but I loved him. And we were to be boyfriends. And then after what he
did to you last night, luring you there so you would see us together
. . . "

"Wait, you mean he did that on purpose. He wanted me to see?" Of all the
things I had considered, somehow this had never occurred to me. Billy
intentionally inviting me to see him having sex with Justin. Of course, the
change in time. The door will be unlocked. Let yourself in.

Now I started to make sense of the look I had seen on Billy's face as I
watched him thrust that big black cock up Justin's ass. "And you were OK
with that?" I asked with fury in my voice. It was the first time I had
shown Justin my anger.

"No, I didn't know. He told me you'd be there later. He lied to me, too. I
never would have agreed. In his defense, and I'm just going to say this
once and never again, he thought it was the best way. That if he, or even
we, tried to tell you about us, that you would never have understood. He
thought you needed to see us . . . see us like that."

"He just wanted to hurt me that bad?"

"I can't defend him. We had a big fight when you ran away. I hadn't even
known you were there. Billy and I are not even talking to each other
anymore. We're certainly not boyfriends and I don't think we'll do more
than pass each other in the halls for these last months at school. And I'm
OK with that. He doesn't know how to treat people, even people he cares
about. And believe me, he cares a lot about you. He just has a very bad way
of showing it."

I started to cry and Justin put his arm around my shoulder. I thought, this
is the guy I should have picked for a boyfriend. And I let my head fall to
his shoulder and he caressed my hair, stroked my neck.

I don't know how long we sat like that, but it was a fairly long time. I
know my neck was getting tired. I said I needed to go and leaned away from
Justin. He looked me in the eyes with his beautiful blue eyes and said,
"I'm so sorry. You're too nice a guy to be treated like that."

I kissed him. I meant it to be nothing more than a thank you kiss, but
. . . it didn't seem to end. His tongue and my tongue were gently exploring
each other's warm, welcoming mouths. And then his hand was on my crotch,
massaging my dick until it started to grow and thicken and warm to his
touch.

I returned his caresses only to find him hard as steel, hot as a skillet
and jutting from his jeans, which had somehow come open. I was stroking his
gigantic cock and in my mind imaging it with red and white stripes like a
candy cane or barber's pole. It felt as smooth and sleek as either. Clear
liquid had started to flow from his piss slit. That only made it easier to
slide my hand up and down the amazing length.

Justin began to open my jeans and then stopped. "I shouldn't. I'm taking
advantage of you when you're so upset. You should probably go before we
both regret this."

I hadn't stopped stroking his raging hard-on. I looked down at it as I
said, "You seem to be sending one message, but your dick is sending a
different message. I think you want this, too."

"Oh, I do," he said and his dick twitched as though to confirm the honesty
of what he had just said. "But I shouldn't. Not tonight."

I felt rejected again and it surely showed in my face.

"I'm so sorry we started this, because there is nothing I would love to do
more tonight than to comfort you and pamper you and caress your wounds
until they are healed. But we've both had a traumatic 24 hours. I'm sure
yours has been much worse than mine. But I don't trust my own judgment
right now. I'm sure you shouldn't trust yours. Not about something like
this."

"Do you remember when I asked you to cum on me?" I said.

"Sure, that first time we talked at that Arby's."

"I still think I'd like you to do that for me. It might tell me a lot I
need to understand . . . a lot I need to know about myself. About
you. About Billy. Will you?"

"Not tonight, Jess. I just don't think either of us is thinking straight
tonight."

I left his room not long after that. My hard-on had partially subsided, but
my wounds were still wide open. I was still in a lot of emotional pain. I
knew more than I had earlier that evening. I think I was smarter and more
able to deal with the life I had ahead of me. But I still hurt and I still
wanted to cry. I still wanted to be loved.

When I got home and in my own room, I started thinking of all the good
times with Billy. Not the sex so much, but the time we spent doing nothing,
just enjoying being with each other. But as I conjured each thought, it was
interrupted by the image of Billy driving that big black cock into Justin's
waiting ass over and over again as Billy stared blankly at me and I cried.

Finally, my mind turned to Justin and the times we had spent together,
particularly tonight. Cuddling with him, stroking his long, powerful cock,
feeling his comforting hands on my neck and on my shoulders and on my
dick. The images looped and looped and then I realized I was about to
cum. I was lying naked on my bed and I arched my back in anticipation. I
stroked myself slowly, trying to let the images of Justin linger. Then I
came, spraying my cum all over myself as I hadn't since those early days
with Billy. I had wanted someone to cum all over me. And since no one else
would, I did it myself.

I raised my head enough to see that I was splattered in cum from nipples to
crotch. I could feel its warmth still. See the thick globs and stringy
runs. I certainly had cum all over myself.

But as I lay there thinking about Justin covered in cum on his 18th
birthday, I knew that being gay would never make me happy the way Justin
had been made happy. I knew that I had a lot of things to figure out in
this mixed up life I seemed to have stumbled into. And I knew that
everything I had thought I knew was wrong.

To Be Continued . . .

AUTHOR"S NOTE: The names and some other identifying information in this
story have been changed to conceal the identities of the characters
described. The copyright for this story is held by Hardreader. The story
may not be reprinted or distributed elsewhere without the permission of the
author. I would love to receive comments on this story from readers. Has
the story caught your imagination? Has the sex been getting you off?  Do
you have any questions I can answer? Email me at hardreader2000@aol.com