Date: Wed, 17 Jun 2009 08:28:13 -0400
From: hardreader2000@aol.com
Subject: I Thought I Knew Chapter 23

Chapter 23
From Justin's viewpoint

Driving Billy home was really stressful. He kept saying he couldn't come
out of the closet. I kept saying what I knew to be the truth: He had to
come out. There wasn't any other way that I could see that we could be
boyfriends.

He was getting pretty mad and I was getting frustrated. We ended up sitting
in stony silence the last five minutes of the ride. No goodbye kiss. No
hug. Just a slammed car door and the sight of his back as he headed toward
his front door.

I headed back to Mike's to clean up. I felt sick at my stomach with how
things were unfolding. When I had planned this sexy, romantic get-away, I'd
thought we'd spend the day finding new ways to get each other off. Catching
all the cum-filled excitement on the cameras that Mike had left. What a
trip! We would have been able to watch porn movies of us fucking and
sucking and shooting cum all over each other. It was supposed to be a sex
romp starring Billy and me.

Instead, Billy had gone home so torn up about being outed that he couldn't
think straight. He couldn't see that being out was inevitable. Being outed
might actually make everything easier. This way he didn't even need to tell
people. He could just not deny it and everyone would assume it was
true. Assume that he was gay.

And once they assumed Billy was gay and they saw the two of us together,
they'd figure out pretty quick that we were "friends," because everyone
already knew I was gay. So let them put the puzzle together. Let their
dirty little minds run wild about what we did. In and out of bed. The
wilder the better for all I cared.

I knew . . . no, I hoped that when Billy calmed down, he would realize
things weren't so bad. His folks were probably the biggest problem. Not so
much his mom. But from what he'd said about his dad, he might prove to be a
real jerk about Billy's being gay. At least about Billy being openly
gay. The parent part could be tricky.

As I was starting to clean up Mike's place, I decided I needed to do
something to cheer Billy up. To serve as sort of a peace offering when I
went back to his house.

Since the video we'd shot with of the two of us having sex hadn't turned
out too well, I decided I'd shoot video of our "love nest," making sure to
get close-ups of our cum-stained sheets. The spot where my cum hit the wall
above Billy's head. Important stuff like that.

I set up both cameras on tripods, checked their aim and focus, and turned
them on. I stepped in front of them and began to stroke my cock, which had
already started to swell slightly at the thought of what was about to
come. With everything that had happened, my usually willing dick was a
little slow to react. But before long, the old feelings were surging
through it. I was soon stroking my hard and handy nine-inch cock. It was
stretched to its max length and drooling pre-cum for the cameras. One
directly in front of me. One to the side. I was stroking my cock for
Billy. Once he calmed down about things, he'd appreciate it. I felt sure of
that right down to my nuts.

My pre-jizz flowed. My hand felt so warm and smooth as it glided up and
down the length of my cock. My other hand tugged at my nuts, making my dick
surge even harder. My cockhead flared its reddish-purple helmet. It looked
so shiny and smooth and hard. I played with my nuts some more. Turned to
show my twitching asshole to the cameras. Its spasms were out of control. I
could still feel how Billy's cock had stretched my asshole. It wanted to be
stretched again and my asshole kept tightening and loosening in
anticipation of fresh penetration.

I pinched my nipples. Let my hands play across my abs. Tasted my pre-cum
and sucked on my fingers, which of course slipped back into my ass, only
partially satisfying its need to be invaded. I did everything I could
remember seeing a guy do in a solo jack-off video. I wanted this to be the
best of all. A favorite on Xtube. A repeat appearance on DudeTube. I was
giving it my all. I'd be a star in rrr0854's Cumshot Clips.

I moved my hips in a thrusting gesture. It came naturally to me. It was the
same thrusting I had seen many times as young guys jacked their meat on
Xtube. My body felt powerful and completely seductive. At last I could feel
the urges building deep down at the root of my cock. My mind seemed a
little unfocused about just what was cumming. It was filled with images of
having sex with Billy. Particularly the most recent sex with Billy. With my
cock shoved up his ass. My hips slowly working it in and out. His hand
exploring my cock where it pierced his sphincter. Billy forcing a finger
inside himself. Finger fucking himself as I fucked him with my hard cock.

I could remember how it felt when I came deep inside Billy and could feel
his finger, or was it fingers, right there with my cock. I could remember
how my massive cum had lubed his hole, giving an entirely new sensation to
his finger probing next to my slimy cock. Cum dripping out. The hairs on
the back of his hand against my pulled up nuts. Feeling my cum oozing down
around my cock. Around his . . . Ugh. Fuck! . . . My cock exploded with a
blast of cum. With my eyes closed, I didn't even see where it landed.

Almost immediately, I felt my nuts tighten again and that surge deep in my
groin, I instinctively bent over my raging hard-on. Staring right into my
cock's lips. Aiming it straight at my face. I let loose one of my better
cum shots. I'm lucky I didn't blind myself. It splashed onto my forehead
and streaked my cheek, missing my eyes.

The next shot hit my lips. As I started to lick my cum into my hungry
mouth, I shot a load straight at the camera in front of me, blinding it, I
was sure.

All in all, it was a great show.

I replayed it on the cameras' tiny screens and was pretty pleased with how
my first solo porn video had turned out -- both in front of and behind the
camera. All those hours of jacking off while watching guys jack off on
Xtube had paid off after all.

As I walked up to Billy's house an hour or so later that morning, I could
still feel where Billy's big cock had been up my ass. It must have
permanently stretched me out, I thought, wondering if I would always be
able to feel where he had fucked me. I hoped I would.

I wondered if Billy could feel where my cock had been buried in his
ass. I'm not sure I could have taken a cock as big as mine the way Billy
did. He'd been a pro. He really seemed to like getting fucked.

As I came up the drive to the side door, I could see Billy's mother through
the window cooking something. All I could think of as she opened the door
was the day I all but jacked Billy off right in front of her in the very
same kitchen. I could hardly believe I'd snaked his beautiful cock out of
his pants and stroked it till he was ready to pop. While she had just gone
on cooking whatever. What would she have thought if I'd brought Billy off
that day? If he'd shot a huge load right there. I could imagine her turning
around saying, "Billy, what is that sweet smell?" And I'd be like raising
my cum covered hand to my mouth licking up a big glob of Billy's cum,
saying "Oh, this is delicious. You should try some, Mrs. . . ."

My reverie was broken as she greeted me warmly at the kitchen door, hugging
me tightly and whispering into my ear, "It's such great news. Billy is so
lucky. We're so pleased for him."

I think I blushed. How much had Billy told her about us? I thought his
parents were supposed to be a problem. Did they know we'd spent the night
together?

I chose my words cautiously. "I'm so glad it makes you happy. I know that
will mean a lot to Billy that you're so supportive."

She gave me kind of a puzzled look that told me maybe Billy hadn't told
them, or hadn't told them everything.

His mom said I should go up to Billy's room and congratulate him. She said
she didn't think Billy completely realized the importance of the news
yet. I returned her puzzled look with one of my own and headed upstairs. I
think we both thought the other knew more than they did, but I wasn't gonna
take any chances. I just went upstairs without another word.

I found Billy sitting at his computer furiously tapping away at the
keyboard. "What's the good news," I asked. "Your mom is all excited about
it. I kind of figured she wasn't talking about us being . . . you know,
boyfriends."

Without turning around Billy started telling me about some of the emails
he'd gotten, or that Ted and Jess had been helpful enough to forward to
him. None of them suggested a source for the rumor, but it seemed to have
started just about the time we had left for dinner the evening before. "So
it couldn't have been the waiter," Billy said.

"Some of them include stuff about both me and Jess being gay. But those are
mostly from this morning. If you read them all in order, you can almost see
how they start off talking about whether Jess knew I was gay. Then this one
seems to say that Jess kept quiet about me being gay. Finally there's one
that says Jess is probably gay, too. There's no mention of Jess and me
doing anything like sex together. If Jess started this, it's coming around
to bite him in the ass, too."

I listened, trying to make sense of it all. To fit it into what I knew of
Jess and Billy's friends and our fucked-up school.  None of it made much
sense.

Soon I found myself starting to puzzle again over what Billy's mom had said
to me about "good news." I was pretty sure it didn't have to do with these
emails and text messages. "So what's this news your mom says you got?" I
asked.

Without saying a word or even looking away from his computer, Billy picked
up a letter and held it over his shoulder for me to take. I took it and
read both pages slowly and deliberately. He had been accepted to his
first-choice college on the East Coast. One his parents couldn't even begin
to afford. One he had wanted to go to since he first heard about it and its
programs. And he'd received a full scholarship. Tuition, housing and
books. His name had been submitted for a possible living expenses stipend
to cover things like meals, travel and other incidentals. He'd get news on
that within 30 days.

"Great news. I knew you could do it," I said, truly excited for Billy. He
didn't react, so I went up behind his desk chair, bent down and hugged him
from behind as best I could. He shrugged me off.

"What the matter?" I asked. "This has got to be great news for you. Aren't
you happy?"

Finally he turned to me and said simply, "Why should I be? It's just one
more thing making a shambles of my life. For the first time in years, I was
really happy last night. This morning I wake up to news I've been outed,
perhaps by someone I really thought was my best bud. Then my boyfriend
tells me that getting outed is no big fucking deal. Why? Because he
requires, no demands, that I come out no matter what if I want to stay his
boyfriend. And then I learn that I've been accepted to a school I've wanted
to go to for years, but it's so fucking far away I'd never be able to see
my boyfriend for months on end. You try to put all of that together in a
way that makes life seem so fucking grand."

I thought about it for a long time before I answered. And then began slowly
and carefully.

"You've had a lot thrown at you the past 24 hours, but there's more good
there than bad. And I'll do whatever it takes to make things work out for
you so that we stay together, so that you can go to your dream college and
so that your folks won't kick you out of the house. I promise you
that. It's the least a boyfriend can do."

"So what if I decide I can't come out?" Billy asked.

"We'll work through it. You've only got another couple of months at our
rinky-dink high school. We'll do whatever we have to. Once you graduate,
you can shake free from any of the people who can't deal with you being my
boyfriend. Who can't deal with us being together. And as for your parents,
I can't answer that one right now. I don't know enough. But with that
scholarship, you aren't dependent on them. You can make it on your own. You
can go to college and live your dream."

"And while I'm thousands of miles away at college, where will you be?"
Billy asked. "It doesn't do me a lot of good to come out if the only person
I want to be with is so far away. I don't want to be gay. I just want to be
with you."

We talked and talked. Billy was terrified at the thought of coming out. He
never thought of himself as being any different than his friends, or the
other guys on the swim team. Just a few weeks ago, he was one of those same
guys, walking around school saying "faggot" this and "faggot" that.

He admitted that he even called me a faggot more than once. And that he had
thought that he'd probably beat the shit out of me to teach me a lesson. He
told me coolly that he wouldn't have thought twice about beating the shit
out of any gay guy "just because."

So, Billy said, if he told his friends he was gay, how could he expect them
to react any differently than he would have. Not good.

"But they know you. They know what a great guy you are," I argued.

"They'll say they thought they knew me, but they really didn't," Billy
said.

"Sure, you may have hated gays," I said. "It was easy to hate them
then. You didn't know any. It's a lot harder to hate someone you know and
like. Look at you and Jess. I can't say things won't change, but it doesn't
have to mean you'll get the crap beat out of you. Or even that you'll be an
outsider to your old friends. You could win a lot of them over. Open their
eyes the way your eyes were opened by Jess."

"But it was different with me and Jess, because we were both gay. My
friends aren't gay," he said.

"And neither were you the first time you came to my house. Neither were
you."

The talk went on and on. I felt I was making some headway. Billy was
starting to see that there might be a chance that he'd keep some, maybe
even most of his friends. Particularly if Jess would come out, too. It
might work. At least well enough to get him through to the end of the year
and graduation.

What was helping sway Billy more and more was the realization that the more
open he was about being gay, the more we could be together. If we had to
hide and pretend, we'd have to steal a little time here, a few minutes
there. It wouldn't be good. I thought I knew from what Billy was saying
that what he really wanted, if we could make it happen, was to be together
with me.

He thought that life at home wouldn't be too great if his parents found out
about him. I told him again he was welcome to live in my room if his
parents kicked him out, even though he didn't expect that they would. His
dad, in particular, could make his life hell. But college wasn't that far
away and if he could duck over to my place when the going got tough . . .

Maybe this could work, I thought. Just maybe.

Then Billy knocked the wind right out of me. "I gotta be honest with you,"
he said looking a bit sad at what he was about to say. "I really like
you. I think I probably really love you. And I never said that to anyone
before. But even so, I'm not sure all of this is gonna be worth it if we
can't be together. So I struggle through school and maybe have to move out
of my parent's house and maybe lose most of my friends. And for what? So I
can go away to school and dream of being with you? I might as well just
stay in the closet and jack off to memories of last night if that's the way
it's gonna be. Maybe I should just stay straight."

I looked hard at Billy. My heart was breaking. I didn't think about what I
was going to say. I just said it. "Loving you is not a choice for me. And
life without you isn't a choice I could ever make. I'm sorry I told you I
couldn't be your boyfriend if you didn't come out. That's pure bullshit. I
couldn't stop being your boyfriend. I couldn't stop loving you. I can't
promise you that everything will work out fine. I can't promise that we'll
be together always and forever Life doesn't work that way. At least not for
guys like us. But we found each other and it's not going to be that easy
for you to get rid of me."

Billy turned to me and hugged me hard. I thought he was going to cry, but
he didn't. And somehow I managed not to cry either. We just stood there
locked in each other's arms, holding on to one another for dear life.

And in a muffled voice I finally heard Billy say, "I love you, too. I do."

To Be Continued . . .

I hope you've enjoyed this latest chapter. Please email and tell me what
you think. Your feedback turns me on. So don't spare the details.

The names and some other identifying information in this story have been
changed to conceal the identities of the characters described. The
copyright for this story is held by Hardreader. The story may not be
reprinted or distributed elsewhere without the permission of the author. I
would love to receive comments on this story from readers. Has the story
caught your imagination? Has the sex been getting you off?  Do you have any
questions I can answer? Email me at hardreader2000@aol.com