Date: Thu, 20 Aug 2009 09:32:50 -0400
From: hardreader2000@aol.com
Subject: I Thought I Knew Chapter 30 The Epilogue

The Epilogue
A Message From Jess
March 28, 2008

I know. I know. Everyone seems to want to know the same thing. Is Jess gay?
Is Jess bi? Is Jess straight?

Please don't take this personally. It's just that I hate these kinds of
questions more than anything. But I told H.R. that I wanted to end the
story the way it did. If people really thought they needed to know, I
wanted them to have to ask. That way I could explain to them. I was afraid
that any other way the story ended, people would put their label on me and
be satisfied that they knew who and what I was. I'm sure they don't really
know me. I'm sure you don't really know me. You can't. I've never even met
you!

Anyway, when I am forced to answer questions like "Are you gay or
straight?", I generally tell people that I'm straight. It's the easiest
answer, but it's also closest to how I feel about myself most of the time.

If I'm at a party and feeling a little freer and I get asked, maybe after a
beer or two, I might say, "Neither. I'm a hedonist. I take it where I can
get it." That might be even more accurate, but then I'm not really driven
by sex the way I think the term "hedonist" suggests. If Justin or Billy
were willing to do either guys or girls, with their crazy sex drives they'd
be true hedonists. They'd be fucking anything that moved. That's not me.

Since I got to college, I have mostly dated women. I feel most comfortable
in a social setting dating women and when I think about having or wanting
sex, it's pretty much with women.

If I were in a room full of naked guys and girls, all of them wanting to
have sex with me, I think I'd almost always end up with a girl. But if the
room was only full of guys and I wanted to get off, I sure wouldn't do it
alone. Does that make sense? I hope so. Does it make me bi? I don't think
so.

I know from comments in emails sent to H.R. that a lot of readers really
wanted me to be gay and find a boyfriend and all. I know that's exactly how
Billy felt. And that's great. I really appreciate how much interest and
concern you took in a kid from the burbs of Chicago who you'd never even
met.

While I don't have a steady girlfriend, or boyfriend, right now, I find
that sex on campus comes very easily for me when I want it to. After
everything I went through with Billy and Justin, Sam and Aretha, and one or
two others H.R. didn't talk about, I realized that I like sex. It makes you
feel fantastic doing it and, once you get rid of the guilt baggage, it's a
lot of fun.

I also discovered that I have some things that I like in people. Things
that attract me to certain people sexually. I don't think I'm shallow, but
I like them to be good looking in sort of a classic way. Not too far out or
real trendy. Just natural good looks. I appreciate nice tits. And I know
what I think makes for a good-looking dick. I want the people I go out with
to be smart. I want them to be caring and sensitive. Sometimes there is a
smell that people give off. I don't really know quite how to describe
it. It can be really subtle, but such a turn on. It's like they smell sexy
to me. I like that, of course.

I found I do have a real attraction to black women and have gone out with a
few. Never with black men. Nothing against them. They just don't get me
hard. At least not so far.

I found that when I started going out with different people in college, all
I pretty much needed to do was to be honest and straightforward about what
I wanted to do in the way of sex. And I always make sure to ask them what
they want to do. Like handjob, blowjob, whatever. I can almost always work
something out. Girls give out blowjobs here easier than their phone
numbers. Easier and quicker than guys do, I think. A lot of girls you don't
even need to ask.

And despite all the crap about gay guys giving the best blowjobs, there are
a lot of girls who do it great. Not all of them, but I figure I can teach
them what they don't know. Of course, Justin, because I'm sure you're
reading this, you're blowjobs are by far the best. You're a really close
second, Billy.

So that would be my answer, but, you see, it's never that simple. Because
last semester I met a guy named Tolley. First name Tolley.

My date that night was supposed to be a girl I'd been dating and had
started doing it with the past couple of times we went out. Anyway, we'd
been hanging out earlier that day and she wanted to spend the night with me
at my place instead of going to the party. But it was a birthday party for
a friend and I really wanted to go. She got pissy and ended up not going at
all.

So I'm at this party and having a good time. I see this one guy getting a
beer. I think I noticed his plaid shorts first. I don't really know why,
but I was immediately tuned into him. And a little turned on by him. He was
small, but his body was perfectly proportioned. He had great hair. And he
looked like a fun guy. Anyway, he just caught my attention and I decided
I'd go get another beer. So I was standing next to him and I just
introduced myself. We started talking and conversation just came so
naturally between us.

Before you know it, it's a couple of hours later and we're just sitting
there talking and drinking beers and getting to know each other. There was
kind of a lull in the conversation and I wanted to ask him if he was gay. I
know. I know. Don't give me shit. There are times I want to ask the
question, too. That doesn't mean I don't hate the question. But I really
wanted to know because I wanted to hit on him. But I already liked him
enough that I didn't want to piss him off in case he was straight, or just
not into it.

Anyway, I ended up starting to ask and then stopped. Instead it came out
like, "So are you . . . So what kind of name is Tolley anyway?"

He looked at me kind of funny, serious like. "It's just a name my parents
gave me. It's what people call me. It's not anything . . . doesn't mean
anything . . . unless I answer to it." I could tell he'd said much the same
words a lot of times before. But I also felt like he knew the question I
wanted to ask and had really answered it, too.

For a minute, I was afraid my question had soured things with him, but he
came right back and was cool. We talked a little more and the music started
to get real loud and people were getting drunk and obnoxious. So I asked
him if he wanted to come by my room for a little while.

He said he could come by for an hour or so and we left together. When we
got to my room, I turned on some music we'd been talking about and we both
kicked back on my bed to listen.

When it was done, I turned and looked at him to ask how he liked it. He
turned at the same time and our faces were really close together. It was
one of those unplanned moments and he just kissed me. And I kissed him
back. No tongue or anything. Just a kiss. Just for a few seconds or
whatever.

Anyway, we lay back down on our backs side-by-side, not talking or
anything. Finally he got up on one elbow, looking sort of down at me and
asked why that had happened. I told him I didn't care why it happened. It
just did.

He asked me if I liked it and I said, "Yes and I'd like to do it again."

So we started kissing and cuddling. I knew he was hard in his shorts, even
though it didn't feel like he was as big as some other guys I'd been
with. And he must have known I was hard, too. But neither of us was doing
anything about that. It wasn't like being with Billy or Justin. We just
held each other and kissed on and off. And pressed our hard cocks against
each other a little. Mostly just holding each other close.

Anyway, after about 30 minutes of this, he leans over me and really kisses
me. Tongue and everything. And I kissed him right back. And a minute or two
later, we're still kissing and he starts getting all raggedy and I knew he
was gonna cum. I just held him real tight and kept kissing him and he came
right in his shorts. I could feel his warm cum on my thigh. And then
feeling his cum leaking onto my leg, my nuts went tight and I came. We just
both held each other. It was so cool. It wasn't like sex I'd had before. It
was just natural sex. The way I think it's supposed to happen the first
time. Completely effortless. But so warm. And friendly. I didn't want him
to leave.

About 15 minutes later, he said he had to go, but he left me his number.

I called him but we couldn't get together for almost two weeks. When we
did, it was like we were old friends and just settled into talking about
anything. We were so natural together.

Most times we were together, we'd eventually get each other off. It wasn't
like we jumped each other's bones every time we saw each other. But in the
time we were together, we'd usually get to a point where we'd just do
mutual jerk-off kind of stuff. But always more intimate than I had thought
of jerking off another guy could be. We almost always did it on my bed,
listening to music we liked. Sort of like that first time. Once we did it
in his room when his roommate was gone. But whatever, we'd just get into
the music and then get into each other. And before you know it, his cum is
rolling down over my hand and I'm shooting all over his chest or
wherever. I can make kind of a mess that way, because I shoot really far, I
guess. Anyway, that went on for about six weeks or so.

I liked what we'd been doing, but I really wanted to move things along. So
one night I told him that I liked him a lot and wanted to do more with
him. I think I told him I wanted to give him a blowjob. Considering the way
girls give out blowjobs, it didn't seem like a big step.

But Tolley got upset and said something like, "I'm not gay. Nobody is going
to say I'm gay."

I tried to tell him that gay was just a label. That a label didn't make him
anything. That getting a blowjob didn't make him anything. But he couldn't
deal with it. He walked out and I never saw him again, except just walking
around campus.

What we had was really good. But it got fucked up by labels and
stereotypes. I think Tolley just couldn't deal with them. But no matter
what anybody might call either one of us, we were good together. I think I
should have told him that I loved him instead of saying I liked him. It
would have freaked him out, but it would have been more honest. And it
seems he was going to get freaked out by the whole gay label thing anyway.

It's sort of like Billy had his limits with me and Justin in the early
days. But with Tolley it screwed up what could have been and should have
been a good thing.

What happened with me and Tolley proved to me that I had been right when I
walked out of Justin's room that night after Justin and Billy had helped me
out by fucking me the way I asked. What I learned that night was that I had
been living a stereotype based on a label people had put on me. And that
I'd let, maybe even helped, them put it on me. They thought just like I had
that the label -- being gay or straight or whatever -- that it would
explain who and what I was.

And when I went to figure out if that label was right or wrong by having
Justin and Billy fuck me, I realized I planned on replacing someone else's
label with a label of my own. And that wouldn't have been any better.

So I'm sorry I made H.R. end the story without answering your question. But
for me, the answer to the question doesn't really tell you anything about
me at all.

Sure, some of you are going to say, "He's probably bi." But how much does
that tell you about me. No more than labeling me gay or straight.

I'm really glad I had the opportunity to write this and hope it's helpful
to someone somewhere.

That's enough of this serious shit. You guys need to go get your rocks
off. I do, too. It's been an amazing experience.

And, Tolley, if by any chance you're reading this, I really miss you.

--

Thank you so much for the commitment of your time and effort in reading
this project. I hope you found it as rewarding to read as we did to
produce. We hope that those of you who have been faithful commenters
throughout will take the time to send us your parting words. For those of
you who haven't mustered the will to comment before, please take this
opportunity to join in and send us a thought or two for the record.

If any of you have any questions, please feel free to ask.

There is one more Book ready to post in this project. It is called "The
Further Adventures of Justin & Billy."  I suspect Nifty will post it in the
College Section so watch for it. If you want me to notify you when I begin
posting it, send me an email at hardreader2000@aol.com and I'll add you to
the list.

Thanks again for sticking with us. I hope you found it enjoyable, helpful
and, of course, stimulating.

The names and some other identifying information in this story have been
changed to conceal the identities of the characters described. The
copyright for this story is held by Hardreader. The story may not be
reprinted or distributed elsewhere without the permission of the author. I
would love to receive comments on this story from readers. Has the story
caught your imagination? If so how? What did you like? What didn't you like
about it? Email me at hardreader2000@aol.com

-- H.R.