Date: Thu, 07 Sep 2000 22:12:10 GMT
From: Chip Dyp <chipdyp@hotmail.com>
Subject: Judgment Error 17

	The following program contains material suited for a mature audience.  If
you are not over 18 you should be leaving now.  Of course I can't control
you and neither can anyone else really.  This story is entirely false except
for the true parts.  And now for our feature presentation.  Viewer
Discretion is advised...

	My web site is located at http://www.geocities.com/chipdyp/index.html

Judgment Error 17
by:  Chip Dyp  (chipdyp@hotmail.com)

	"David, it's time to get up.  You've got school today."

	I rolled over on the bed and sighed.  I had been lying in bed since my
alarm had rung, wishing that I could just die.  I had tried to call Ian
since I had gotten home from the date, but he wasn't answering his phone.
When I called his parents, they told me that Ian didn't want to talk to
anyone.  They also asked what had happened.

	I told them about the pop incident, and didn't tell them anything about the
date.  I couldn't.  They'd find out I was gay, I'd be dragged out of the
closet, and they'd never let me see Ian again because I had hurt him.

	My mom walked into the room and sat down on the bed.  "How are you feeling,
David?  You've been quiet all weekend."

	"I'm all right.  I've just been thinking."

	"About what?"

	"Just stuff."  I couldn't tell my mom that I had been thinking about Ian,
that I'd been pining for him since I'd left his house.

	My mom smiled, and brushed the hair from my eyes.  "Well then.  You should
get up and get ready for school.  And don't forget to eat breakfast."

	"Yes, mom."

	"The grocery list is on the counter.  If there's anything not on the list
that you want, pick it up."

	"Thanks."

	"Well, I better get going.  You have a good day at school," Mom said as she
walked to the door.

	"I'll try."

	My mom pulled the door shut behind her, leaving me alone once more.

			*	*	*	*	*

	I sighed once more and opened the door to the car.  Why couldn't Will be on
time for a change?  I sighed as I walked up the driveway to the door.  I was
just about to ring the doorbell when the door opened.

	"I know, I know.  I'm late.  I'm sorry," Will said. He was still combing
his hair as he walked back into the bathroom.  I followed him, wanting to
hurry him along.

	"Are you always late?"  I asked angrily, glaring at Will.

	"Settle down, it's not like we're going to be late for school.  Besides, I
just have to finish doing my hair.

	"Did it ever occur to you that I might want to be on time for a change?
That I might have better things to do than watch you do your hair?"

	"What is your problem, Ian?"

	"What's my problem?  You're my problem.  You're never on time.  I don't
even know why I bother being on time.  It's not like you'd notice if I was
late."

	"If you're in that much of a hurry, then go.  I wouldn't want to be an
inconvenience."  Will sounded angry.

	"Fine."  I turned around and stormed out of the house.  Fuck him.  I
started the car.  I don't need his shit.

	Will opened the door to his house just as I was pulling out of the
driveway.  I ignored him and put the car into first and accelerated away
from him.  Screw him.  He can find his own rides from now on.

			*	*	*	*	*

	I walked into class, and immediately looked for Ian.  He wasn't in the
classroom yet, so I took my seat.  Will came into the classroom and took his
usual seat.  He glanced back at me and smiled.  His smile turned to a glare
as he looked at the door.  I followed his gaze and saw Ian.

	He looked angry.  His eyes were red and he didn't meet my glance or Will's
as he walked to his seat.  He sat down, pulled out his books and ignored us.

	Throughout the class I looked back at Ian.  He didn't look at me at all.
When the class ended, Ian jumped up and left the class in a flash.  Well, so
much for talking to him before lunch.  Will didn't hang around after class
either.  I sighed and walked out of the classroom and headed to my next
class.

	When lunchtime finally rolled around, I got into line in the cafeteria and
grabbed a burger.  I headed over to our usual table, where Will and Rob were
sitting.

	"Hi," I said timidly.  I didn't know what Ian had told his friends.

	"Hey, so how did the date go?"  Rob asked, biting into his Pizza Pop.

	"Not well," I replied honestly.

	"Is that why Ian is being such a bitch today?"  Will asked.

	I shrugged.  "He didn't have a good time.  Somehow, I doubt we're ever
going on another date."

	"What happened?"  Rob asked, taking a sip from his drink.

	"Where do you want to start?  We found out he's allergic to roses, after he
sniffed the rose I got for him.  He stepped in a puddle, got a pitcher of
pop dumped on him at Boston Pizza, and then Keith tried to pick a fight
after the movie by dumping a pop on his head."

	"I can see that I'm going to have to have a little chat with Keith," Rob
said quietly.  He took another bite of his Pizza Pop and then looked right
at me.  "Did he say anything to you this weekend?"

	"No.  He wouldn't talk to me," I whispered, trying not to cry.

	"Hey, don't worry about it David.  Ian will come around.  You'll see," Will
said, trying to reassure me.

	"I'm going to go to the library to study a little more for the History test
on Wednesday.  I'll see you guys later."

	"But you haven't finished your lunch," Rob pointed out.

	"I'm not really all that hungry," I replied, grabbing my books.  "I'll see
you guys later.  Here, you might as well eat this."  I tossed the burger to
Rob and walked away.

			*	*	*	*	*

	As we watched David walk away, I noticed for the first time how sad he
looked.  He wasn't looking up, and his body was slumped over.  I felt sorry
for him.

	"It's too bad about their date being a bust.  I thought that Ian was acting
weird."  Will looked up at me and asked, "What are you going to say to
Keith?"

	"I'm just going to explain to him that he shouldn't bother Ian anymore."

	"You think that'll work?"

	"Oh, I'll give him an incentive to behave."

	"You can't physically threaten everyone, Rob."

	"I know.  I'm not going to physically threaten him.  That doesn't mean he
shouldn't be afraid."

	"You're an evil, evil man."

	"Thank you," I replied opening up the burger David had left for me.  I
squirted some ketchup on the patty, and then put it back together.  "When
are you going to talk to Ian?"

	"I'll try and talk to him after school.  After he left me, I had to take a
taxi to school.  If he bolts, can I catch a ride with you?"

	"Yeah, shouldn't be a problem.  Just meet me by my truck by 3:45.  If you
aren't there, I'll assume you have a ride home.  So don't be late."

	"I'm not always late."

	"Yes, you are."

	Will laughed, and finished his drink.  "You're right.  Wanna go to the
library and study?"

	"Sounds like a plan."

			*	*	*	*	*

	I sat quietly in the library, rereading my history notes.  I had skipped
lunch so I wouldn't have to see Will, or David, or Rob.  I wanted to be
alone.  When David walked into the Library, I buried my head into my
textbook, hoping that he wouldn't see me in the study carrel.

	"Hello Ian.  Do you mind if I sit here?"  David asked quietly.

	I looked up at him, and shook my head sadly.  "I'd rather you didn't.  I
need some time alone."

	"I just wanted to apologize to you and talk about what happened Friday
night."

	"I know.  That's why I'd rather you not sit here."

	"Look Ian, you can't avoid me or your friends forever, we..."

	"Who said I was going to avoid you forever.  I just need to be alone now."

	David turned the chair so that it was facing me and sat down.  "Ian, I
can't leave you alone when I see that you've been hurt."

	My head dropped and I whispered, "Please, that's all I want.  I just need a
little time to myself to sort things out."

	"Well, let me help.  That's what friends are for.  That's what boyfriends
are for."

	"Maybe we'd better talk then," I whispered.  "Because you aren't my
boyfriend."

	David sat quietly just staring at me.  I had shocked him.  He didn't know
what to say.  I felt so horrible, but it needed to be said.  "But..."

	I stepped in and stopped David before he could continue.  "David, you're a
great guy, but I'm just not ready for this.  I'm just not ready for the
pressure and the stress."

	"But, every date wouldn't be like Friday night.  We just had a bad night."

	"I know, but I still can't do it."

	"But, I love you, Ian.  I love you so much it hurts."

	I looked away from David.  There was no way I could look him in the eyes
and do this.  I wasn't strong enough.  "David, you're a great guy, and I
love you too.  But as a friend, and as a friend only."

	David reached out and turned my face so I was looking at him.  I recoiled
from his touch and leaned away.  "Don't touch me," I hissed angrily.  "You
know I don't like to be touched."

	"I'm sorry, but I need you to look me in the eyes and say that."

	I looked right at David.  "I love you, but only as a friend."

	"Why?"  David asked plaintively.  He was close to tears.

	"Because dating hurts.  I know you didn't mean to hurt me, but you did.
You remember when you tried to touch me, and I freaked out?"  David nodded.
"After that, I was a mess all weekend, and I can't take the pain.  It was
like being with Stefan all over again."

	"But, I never meant to hurt you like Stefan hurt you.  I'm sorry, I didn't
know."

	"Yes you did know.  I told you that if we were going to date you couldn't
show any physical love."

	"But it just happened.  It was a mistake.  I just..."

	"I know, and that's the point.  There'd be other mistakes and each one
would be like a dagger to my heart.  And I wouldn't be the only one getting
hurt.  You'd get hurt as well."

	"But, I'm willing to take that chance.  Ian, I'm gonna keep pursuing you
until you agree to give it one more try."

	"So, you're going to stalk me until I do what you want me to do.  I'm not
going to end up in relationship with another guy who wants to control me."
I asked loudly.  Angrily, I grabbed my books and stood.

	"That's not what I meant," David replied quickly after looking around to
make sure no one heard me.

	"Yes.  Yes, it is.  Stay away from me David."  I turned and walked away

			*	*	*	*	*

	I sat in stunned silence.  David had hurt Ian.  "That little shit is going
to pay,' I whispered to myself.  But when should I confront him?  After
school.  I'd get him alone and have a little chat.  He was just like Stefan,
trying to rape and control him, but this time it was going to be a little
different.  He hurt Ian, now I was going to hurt him.

	David stood up and walked away.  His eyes were red, and it looked like he'd
burst into tears.  I hoped he stockpiled those tears.  He'd need them when I
got finished with him.

	"Hey, what's up?"  Will asked as he dropped his books into the booth next
to mine.

	"I just heard Ian and David talking.  David hurt Ian on Friday."

	"What do you mean, David hurt Ian?"

	"I didn't hear the whole conversation, but from what I heard, it sounds
like he tried to fondle and touch Ian."

	"Are you sure?  That doesn't sound like David."

	"If we hadn't come back for that surprise party and seen Ian being raped,
would you have believed that Stefan was capable of rape?"

	"I guess not," Will replied.  "So, what are you going to do?"

	"I'm going to straighten David out after school."

	Will sighed.  I looked at him for a second, "Would you rather I let Ian get
hurt again?  David pretty much told Ian that he was going to stalk him until
Ian agreed to go on another date."

	"Look, if you hurt David, you're just as bad as Stefan--picking on someone
smaller, who can't defend himself.  It'll be just like what happened with
your brother."

	"Yeah, but..."

	"Promise me you won't hurt David too bad.  In fact don't do anything until
I've talked to Ian."

	"I'll just tell him to stay away from David."

	"Rob.  I'm serious."

	I looked at Will and held up my right hand.  "I promise that I will not
hurt David.  Too badly."

	"Rob!"

	"All right, all right.  Jeez.  But, if that little weasel did what I think
he did, he's going to pay for his mistake."

	"Yes, but you're not going to make him pay.  If David tried to rape or
assault Ian, then the police will handle it.  And you're not the police."

	"All right.  It's just I don't want Ian to go through what my brother went
through."

	"How's he doing?"

	"Him and Thomas finally got moved into their new place.  I'm glad things
are working out for him."

	"Has he forgiven you yet?"

	"I think so.  I hope so."

	Will threw his arm over my shoulder and squeezed it gently.  "I'm sure he
knows that you were angry and shocked when you called him a fag and hit
him."

	"We'll find out at Christmas when he comes home.  That'll be the big test."

	"Well, we'd better get going.  The bell's going to ring soon."

			*	*	*	*	*

	I sat quietly in class listening to the teacher drone on and on.  I just
wanted to go home.

	I had tried to patch things up with Ian, and all I did was make them worse.
  Now it really was over.  He hated me just as much as he hated Stefan.  As
I looked at Ian, I resolved to never bother him again.  I would start eating
alone, or not at all.  He needed Rob and Will more than I did.

	I looked in my textbook and tried to concentrate on the words, but it was
no good.  Even if I wasn't looking at Ian, I was still thinking about him.
It hurt so much.  Why couldn't he see that?

	Thoughts continued through my head with the speed of a bullet train.  Was I
being selfish?  Was I being just like Stefan?  That's not what I wanted.  I
wanted Ian's love.

	I wondered if I could help him, by loving him.  Protecting him from things
that would try to hurt him.  Maybe he was right.  Maybe he wasn't ready for
a relationship.  Maybe if I gave him a little more time to heal from the
wounds Stefan inflicted on his psyche, maybe he'd love me half as much as I
loved him.

	When the bell rang it snapped me out of my thoughts and brought me roaring
back into the real world.  Slowly, I pulled my books together and got ready
to go home.  I still had some groceries to buy, but then I could go up to my
room and be alone.

	"Hey, Dave.  Can I talk to you for a minute?"  Rob asked as he walked up
behind me.

	"Huh, uh yeah.  Sure.  What's up?"

	"Let's talk somewhere a little more private."

	"All right."

	I followed Rob as he led me down the hallway to one of the bathrooms.  When
he was sure the bathroom was empty he grabbed me and held me against the
wall.  "If you so much as look at Ian again, you'll regret it."

	"What?"

	"I won't let you hurt Ian anymore.  And if Ian tells me that you've hurt
him again, you will regret it.  Understand?"

	"Yeah," I wheezed.  Rob released me and walked out of the room.  I didn't
know what to do.  I walked into one of the stalls and managed to sit before
I started crying.  The more I cried the angrier I got.  Ian had sent Rob to
threaten and hurt me.  Ian didn't need to go that far.  But he had.  "Fine.
If he doesn't want me to talk to him anymore, I won't.  I don't need him," I
whispered to myself.

			*	*	*	*	*

	I rested on the door of Ian's car waiting for him to get his stuff from his
locker.  When he left the school, he looked at me and slowly walked towards
me.  He didn't say anything until he was right in front of me.  "What do you
want?"

	"I was hoping I could get a ride home with you.  I'm sorry I was late this
morning.  I don't think that's why you were in such a bad mood though."

	"So, why was I in a bad mood?"  Ian asked quietly.

	"Because the date with David went badly.  And because he hurt you like
Stefan did."

	"David isn't Stefan.  David just made a mistake."

	"Isn't that what Stefan said?"

	"This is different!"  Ian replied quickly.

	"How is it different.  Stefan hurt you.  David hurt you."

	"Yeah, but Stefan beat me and raped me.  David just tried to comfort me.
He just wanted a hug and I freaked out."

	"He didn't do anything else?"  I asked.  I wondered if maybe Rob had gotten
it wrong.

	"Like what?  He was so nice to me.  He's a really sweet guy, but I just
can't do the relationship thing."

	"Rob overheard you and David talking but he didn't hear the whole
conversation.  He thought that David might've tried to--you know."

	Ian opened his eyes wide.  "NO!  He didn't touch me in that way.  It was
just a hug."

	I paused for a second and looked at Ian.  "You love him a lot, don't you?"

	Ian nodded his head and started crying.  He hugged me tightly in the
parking lot and started crying on my shoulder.  "It's all right, Ian.  Why
don't you give me your keys and I'll drive you home and we can talk some
more?"

	Ian reached into his pocket and pulled out his car keys.  I took them from
his shaking hand and led him around to the passenger side of the car.  I
helped him into the seat, and walked around to the driver's side.  I was
hoping I could talk Ian into seeing David again.  I think he needed someone
who could be closer to him than Rob or I could be.

			*	*	*	*	*

	After putting away the groceries, I walked up to my bedroom and lay down on
my bed.  My parents wouldn't be home until after seven.  I could be alone.

	I had been alone for only about an hour before the doorbell rang.  I wiped
my eyes and rolled out of bed.  It never failed.  I wanted to be alone and
the world conspired against me to make me see people.

	When I opened the door, I was surprised to see Ian standing there.  "What
do you want," I asked angrily.  "Want to make sure your attack dog did his
job?"

	"What?"

	"Don't play innocent.  You know what Rob did."

	"David, I don't know what you are talking about.  I came over to apologize
to you.  I talked to Will this afternoon and he convinced me that I should
go out with you again.  So I guess, I'm asking, will you please go out with
me?"

	"No.  You were right.  This hurts too much.  I loved you, and you got Rob
to hurt me and to threaten me.  I can't do this, Ian."

	"But..."

	I cut Ian off.  "No.  Good bye."  I closed the door in Ian's face and
walked back to my bedroom.  Now it was over.

Continued.