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WARNING: This is a story of friendship, commitment, love and trust. It is not a sex story. However, this story deals with love between two male teenagers. If you are offended by stories involving love between two teenage boys, please do not read this story. There may be some sex scenes in this story; however, sex is not the main theme. If you are under age 18 or 21 or it is illegal to read this story where you live, don't read it. Reproducing this story for distribution without the owner's permission is a violation of that copyright. |
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Just A Story
John is a nice
person and maybe sometime I will talk to him, but right now I'm too confused
about everything. I wish I understood what I did wrong, what I said that
upset Paul so much. It hurts inside me when I recall him yelling at me.
It makes me cry…I think I have cried half my miserable life…if
this is what life is about I don't want to live. I remember once trying
to die, it didn't work 'cause no matter how long you try to hold your
breath, "Charlie, talk to me. I love you. Let me help, please." "How can you help? You're not me. I love you, but right now I just want to be alone. It's what I'm used to…" "Won't you tell me what happened?" She is crying. "I don't know. I'm so confused! I told him this morning that I thought he was a happy person and he got angry and later when we were going to the bike shop, I told him I was scared of going to school because I was afraid people would hate me because I'm different, because of …because of my past. But he started yelling at me and he-he-he…" I'm crying again. Oh, it hurts so much. "He doesn't want to be my friend, he-he told m-me t-to get out!" **** "John, he's sleeping now," Mrs. Harrington-Ford said. She had been crying. I guess they'd both been crying. "Were you able to find that boy's address?" "Yes,
ma'am," I said, giving her a note with directions on how to get there.
"I also found out that his mother is a buyer at Famewear, Harrington Industries owns sixty-five percent of the company." "Well,
I hope it doesn't come to that. He seemed like a fairly nice young man,
but I don't know. I don't understand why what Charlie said to him would
have upset him so much. But I intend to find out! Please keep an eye on
"Yes, Ma'am." **** I was so pissed as I drove off. But by the time I got home I was so confused and I couldn't help feeling somehow I had made a big mistake, but at the same time I was angry. I mean he said he was queer! If I hang out with him people will think I'm gay too. I don't want to be gay…it's something I fear…that I might be that way…I might be gay. It's bothered me since I was fourteen. I walked in the house through the kitchen on my way to my room. The clothes I was wearing caught my mom's eye. "Hold up there!" she said. "Where'd you get that outfit?" "Charlie loaned them to me because mine got wet!" "Do you
have any idea the cost of that outfit?" she asked. My mom was a buyer
for a large clothing company. "Yes, very expensive. So how come you didn't bring your friend home?" Mom always knows when I'm trying to avoid conversation. If I object she just gets more determined to not allow me to get out of her clutches. "Because, Mom, he's a faggot!" Up went the eyebrows. "So?" "SO! SO! Mom, he's a queer, a homosexual!" "Oh, hmmm, I see, and that makes him bad and evil." "I hate homos. I am not going to pal around with one." "Oh. Afraid people will think you're a homosexual too?" God! She has a way to hit things right on the head! "Yes. So what?" "So you really hate homosexuals, all of them, huh?" "Yes!" "Better call your Uncle Ben and tell him you're never going camping with him again." "What? Why?" "He's one of those people you hate." I couldn't believe what she'd just said. My favorite Uncle, her favorite brother, was gay! "You're lying!" She tossed the phone at me. "Really! Call him and ask him." I just stood there. I was in shock. "Oh yeah, and while you're about it, call cousin Ray and cancel this year's skiing trip with him, he's gay too! Go on, call!" Ray was gay? I was in overload! We'd been planning this trip for almost a year. Come to think about it, last time I talked with him he said he was bringing his best friend on the trip. "Go on, call him! After all we can't have such a disgusting person as my brother coming over here on Labor Day! DAMN YOU! CALL HIM!" I have rarely seen my mom angry. I dialed the number. "Hello," I said. "Hey, Paul! How are you? I can't wait to show you a picture of the wall-eye I caught last week, I was going to email you a picture of it, but it's such a whopper of a fish that it would take a day for you to download the picture," he laughed. "Yeah." "Yeah. Okay, what's up, Paul? You never just say 'yeah'" I sighed. "Uh, are you, uh…" I sighed again, "Never mind." "Yes, Paul. I am gay. Have been my whole life. Although when I was your age it took me some time for me to accept that I was. Having a sister like your mom made it a whole lot easier though." "How come you never said anything to me about it before? I never knew." "Well, it's not something I consider that important; camping, fishing, now those are important! It's such a small part of who I am and my life…and besides, when someone tells me they can't stand gays I don't generally make a point of telling them I'm that way, especially if I love and respect them for who they are. Okay?" All I could think of was all the nasty jokes and comments I'd made to him over the past two years. I couldn't think of anything to say. "Look, if it bothers you now to be around me, I guess I'll plan something else for Monday. Okay. Anyway, let me talk to your mom." I handed the phone to my mom and went up to my room. I felt numb and confused. My favorite uncle, my favorite cousin, I'd known them my whole life, are gay. There wasn't a week that went by that my uncle and I didn't talk, especially since my Dad died. He's always been here for me. I thought about my cousin Ray, all the fun times we'd had together, I always looked forward to seeing him this winter. I'd even fantasized about him and me. I thought about Charlie. I kept seeing his face as I was yelling at him. He looked so confused, and then so hurt…so hurt…I had wanted to be his friend and when he was trying to be honest with me I shut him out. I screamed at him. I hurt him. Tears filled my eyes - I have never felt this way about anybody. I was hurting when I thought about him hurting. I began to cry and I couldn't stop it. Mom knocked at the door, but I couldn't answer. She opened the door and came over to me. "Paul, honey, what's the matter" she said as she sat down beside me and put her arms around me. I buried my face into her shoulder with my forehead resting on her neck and sobbed. It was like years of held back tears, years of pent-up emotions were pouring our of my soul. She did the right thing. She just held me close and let me cry. How long I cried I don't know but her blouse was soaked from my tears, and it simply didn't bother her. She was my mom and I knew that she loved me and I knew and I felt it that didn't matter to her if I was straight or gay. "Mom?' "Yes, sweetheart." "I think I might be gay...no...I know I'm gay." "Is that what this is all about?" "Partly." "Partly? So, what's the other part?" "I've been a real ashole to Ben and I feel like shit about it." "And so you should" she said with a wry smile. God! My mother is beautiful when she smiles. "But you know, I think he forgives you. " I nodded my head and kept my head down because what was really bothering me was how I had hurt Charlie. I knew that I love him and that I had lost him. I kept seeing his face, crying and pleading with me. The sobbing started again. She held me tight again, then gentle as the morning's mist. She said, "You're in love with Charlie, aren't you?" Again the floodgates opened. "I was so hateful. He'll never want to speak to me again. What do I do?" I cried. "Well, I guess you better phone him - try to communicate and tell him how you feel and ask his forgiveness." She reached over and picked up the phone and handed it to me. "I can't" "Of course, you can. Now DO IT!" I complied. "Hello.
This is the Harrington-Ford residence. How may I help you?" It was
'John, this is Paul, could I speak with Charlie, please?" "I don't
think so. I don't know what happened but whatever you did, you He hung up. I called back. "John,
please! Please, I want to apologize. Please, John, I'm sorry for what
I did, I'm an ass, but I'll do anything you want, just let me- let me
talk to him." I was sobbing again, "John, I-I-I know I hurt-hurt
him. Please, I beg "I will ask him if he wishes to talk with you. Please hold on." Thank-thank you, J-John" Minutes ticked by, then came a voice. It was Charlie. "Hello," he sounded distant and cold. "Charlie, I'm so sorry. I hurt you and that was so wrong of me. I'm sorry. I don't care if - if you're queer...I want to be your friend like in-in the music 'Friends - friends until the end' Please!" I was crying. There was silence. "Friends until the end? You're not tricking me, you swear? "Friends forever, I swear!" "Okay." "Really!" "Yeah. Really!" "Charlie, there's one more thing - you were right, I am gay and...and..." My mom was sitting next to me, I wanted to say 'and I love you', but I was embarrassed so I just said "and, I'm gay." "You don't sound gay." "Well, I am, and I really, really like you!" "Really, you like me?" "Yes." "That really makes me happy! Does it make you happy?" "Yes, absolutely, 100 percent!" "I guess that makes us a couple of gay guys. My mom is coming over to see you, I was pretty upset and she wants to find out why, because I didn't want to tell her." "Okay, got it." There was a pause, he was talking to John. " Anyway, just tell her we are friends again and to invite you and your mom over for dinner. I've already told to expect four for dinner." "Okay, see you at dinner." "Yeah. Bye." "Bye" I hung up. I hugged my mom, "I love you!" "I love you too! Now what did he say?" "He said
that he guesses we're just a couple of gay guys. That he's happy and that
he likes me!" I sighed. "Yes. I think so. I'm sure when the time is right he'll tell her and that's when he may really need your support." **** The doorbell rang and I quickly opened it. "Hi, Rebecca. I just hung up from talking with Charlie. I apologized to him for being such an ass and really upsetting him. He asked me to ask you if you would invite my mom and me for dinner." She looked sternly at me. "What happened, Paul?" "It was just a misunderstanding on my part." "Good. I want the details." "Details?" I could feel myself blushing, "uh, well it was just a misunderstanding and I got mad and then I cooled off and realized I was being stupid and so I, uh, called him." "Paul, stop b.s.-ing me! I want to know details! Word for word details!" I looked down. Tears started to well up in my eyes. How could I tell her without betraying him? I sighed. "Okay. We took a shower and got blow dried, it was awesome, we were singing and laughing in the blow dry room and then we came out and got dressed. He said I looked like a babe and then asked me if I thought he was a babe and I said I wasn't gay and he said he thought I was and I got angry and it just stewed there until we were in the car and then I blew up." "Do you know what he meant when said he thought you were gay? Did you think he meant you were a homosexual?" "Yeah." She sighed. "Well, he didn't, he meant happy." "Happy?" "Happy." She sighed again. "Paul, he needs friends, but friends who will stand by him who won't let him down. What happened today devastated him. So, if you can't be a true friend don't be one at all. A true friend is one who never walks out when things get rough; a person who you can depend on through thick and thin. If you can't be that then leave him alone." "I like Charlie and I will be his friend, his best friend." I thought about the conversation I'd just had with Charlie. "Rebecca, if Charlie said he was queer, what would he mean?" "He would mean that he's odd or different from other people his age. Why?" "Oh, just another misunderstanding." I had just told Charlie that I was gay because I love him and he thought I was telling him that I was happy. I giggled at the thought that I just came out to Charlie that I was happy! "What?" asked Rebecca. "Nothing, just a silly thought. Would you like to meet my mom?" She said yes and so I introduced them and then went to take a shower. I laid on my
bed thinking about Charlie when it dawned on me that Charlie might be
totally straight! I had just been assuming that he was gay, but now I
wasn't sure. I wasn't even sure about me now. I know I'm attracted to
"Oh, God!
Why is my life so confusing!" |
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Hey, Thanks to all those who e-mailed me - I need more! More e-mails more friends! I have no idea what's going to happen next! Thanks to my editor ED! Thanks to all the people who inspire me ! Sam |