Date: Fri, 20 Jan 2012 13:23:56 -0800 (PST)
From: G. Mindo <mindo_g@yahoo.com>
Subject: Long time no see chapter 3

So here's what happened next. It's been almost a year now, and I still
regret it had to be this way.

We started school in September. It was almost surreal to see Janek in my
school's uniform, exuding the shyness I'd almost forgotten all about; the
one he'd shown when we met, but that had somehow disappeared completely
after our first time. Now it was back as he asked some girl a question at
the other end of the hallway. He didn't know I was watching him, but I knew
him well enough to know that he'd come today surely expecting me to. I
waited until he reached my end of the hallway. When he saw me, a smile
instantly spread on his lips. I gave him my usual hand salute, the one my
friends and I use, and introduced him to the guys, only one of whom knew he
was gay, for he had been present at the ice cream shack that time. Janek
was very awkward to say the least, and it became instantly clear that this
wasn't a group he would be hanging out with. But that I already knew.

That day I tried my best to make him feel at ease. On the first break, I
abandoned my friends and went up to his class to meet him. I showed him
around and asked him what his class was like, told him who I thought he'd
make good friends with, who to avoid, which teachers were cool, which
weren't. On lunch break, I sat and ate with him. I could tell he
appreciated my company, and that he was very nervous. Starting out in a new
school at age sixteen must have been very tough. Not once did we talk sex,
but I was sure he was thinking it, because so was I.

By next day, he had made his first friend. Vanessa, a chubby, cheerful girl
from his class, had already included him into her little group of nerds. I
knew she would take good care of him. I didn't have lunch with him that
day, I knew he didn't need me to. And the same applied for the next day,
and the one after that. He surprised me with how fast he had managed to
settle in. We still hung out between classes every now and then. I'd make
him and his friends laugh, which accounted for the first time I had talked
to Vanessa and her kind.

Our first sexual encounter took place at the end of the second week. I'd
woken up with a huge stiffy that day, for I'd had a wet dream about
him. That day, as soon as I got to school I asked him for his cel
number. Minutes later I sent him an instant message.

"Do you want to?"

He replied right in the middle of my Algebra class.

"Do I want to what?"

I didn't reply to that. And I didn't need to, because just ten minutes
later, he sent me another one.

"When?"

"After the second break"

"Where?"

"On the 3rd floor bathroom, 15 mins into the first class"

Nothing else was said. The second break came and went, and fifteen minutes
into the first class, I asked if I could step out. Managing to hide my
emerging erection, I stepped out of the class, walked the empty halls and
walked up the deserted stairs onto the third floor. There he was, leaning
against one of the sinks in only his white t-shirt. In two weeks, I'd never
seen him without his sweater, and here he was now, playing it cool with me,
pretending to be the kind of person that takes off their uniform sweater
all the time. I locked the door, made him laugh two times with jokes I no
longer remember, and we dove right into kissing. We could have done it
against the sink, but we preferred a cubicle, where we locked ourselves. It
was the beginning of the term, so it wasn't too smelly yet. He pulled down
his pants, dropped his briefs down to his knees, showing his round, small
ass to me, and let me fuck him with his hands against the sidewall. His cum
ejected onto it and slipped down the surface in pearly white drops, while
mine slid down his butt cheeks and thighs. We had been pretty fast, so we
kissed for a bit, having still some time to kill. We also talked. I don't
remember what we said, but it was our usual kind of conversation. What
remained very clear to me was how much he liked me.

The first two months went by, with our strategically planned escapades
occurring two or three times per week. By the end of it, we'd fucked in
school more times than anywhere else. We would meet in the third floor
bathroom, or in the one next to the administration building, which people
barely ever used. If we felt extra wild, we'd take a deserted classroom,
always minding to close the curtains, lock the door and be extra quick. We
gave up from using the gym's storage room after a blowjob got interrupted
by unknown voices outside.

So that's what the first two months were like. A strange kind of paradise,
filled with sex, adrenaline and, on my part, a measurable dose of hidden
guilt. It was hard feeling completely carefree when you feel forced to
laugh at your friends' gay jokes 24/7.

Then November came, and that's when I fucked up big. This girl, Hanna,
started spreading the word that she liked me. I liked her too, but
apparently she really, REALLY liked me. I was obviously flattered, and as
my custom dictates, I had to make the most of it. I teased her, I pretended
that it wasn't a big deal to me, I played hard to get... you name it. Then,
at a party, we kissed. A lot. The next Monday, everyone asked me if we were
going to go steady. Not really a question. Her friends, my friends,
EVERYONE was riding me to ask her to officially be my girlfriend, because,
really, what kind of guy would I be if I didn't, after all the show I put
on?

"What would you do if someone walked in here right now?" asked Janek on one
of our bathroom sessions, just as I was catching my breath after an orgasm,
my cock still deep inside his ass.

"Dunno", I grunted

"What would you say to Timo?" he asked with a little chuckle, referring to
a big jokester friend of mine, a big "gay joke" guy.

"Shut up. I don't know."

"I'd love to see it", he said, pulling up his briefs.

"Janek... shut up. Just don't talk about it, okay?"

"I'll talk about what I want."

I looked at him, taken aback. What was with him?

I cornered him against the wall, playfully.

"Is this about Hanna? About what they're saying about me, about her...?"

"Why do you even have to ask?"

He seemed genuinely mad, but I still laughed. It was hilarious to me to see
him being jealous.

"And you waited until after I came inside you to ask me about it? Boy, are
you a horny fellow."

"I ask because you'll walk out of here and you'll go right back to laughing
at that idiot's jokes, and getting all flirty with her, as if you weren't
doing this with me all the time. It's... I see you being all hypocritical
and being a liar, and you... you don't seem to realize that's what you're
being."

"And you wanted to tell me that. To let me know."

"I did."

"And is it because you're worried for me, or because you're afraid I won't
be giving it to you anymore?"

"Oh, fuck you."

He opened the door. I shut it before he got out.

"Hey, hey. look... look, why the fuck do you think I keep coming? I
just... you drive me crazy, man. You do, and I've told you that before." He
let me kiss his neck. "I really. Like. Being. With you."

"What the fuck does that even mean?"

"What?"

"You like 'being' with me, what does that mean?"

"What do you want me to say?" I asked with a laugh. "What word should I
use? What, you want me to be your fucking boyfriend?"

"Now, just look at what you're saying. You laugh at me because I want
commitment from you, as if I had no right to that."

"Goddamnit, man, where is this coming from?"

"Just in case you're even thinking of going steady with her. I'm just
letting you know that I'm not going to be your fucking... I'm not going to
be your hidden thing, Gregor. Fuck you. I know you think I would be, but I
won't ."

"Right, and you told me that right after you cummed onto the fucking
bathroom floor. Great timing, Janek. Your outrage's convincing as hell."

He shrugged.

"Think whatever you want."

He stepped out.

"Now I'm supposed to ask you for approval on what I do out there? Should I
run everything by you to see if you morally approve of it beforehand?
Janek, I'm going to hook up with whoever I want if I fucking feel like
it. Understand? Your judgment means shit to me."

"Be an asshole if you want, I couldn't care less. I'm just not going to be
part of your shame. That would make me as pathetic as you."

I laughed. I still don't know why, but I did.

"Not to be a dick, man", I said as he washed his hands, "but I really don't
know at what point did I do or say anything that would make you think this
was the kind of thing you're making it out to be. The mistake's yours, not
mine. So think about it. Really, really think. Do yourself that favor."

His face was completely inexpressive. He shook the water off his hands,
dried them with toilet paper and calmly headed to the door.

"Bye", he said simply. He left the door open, allowing me to hear the echo
of his footsteps as he headed back to his class. I was left in the bathroom
by myself, with a smile on my face and shaking my head at the floor, as if
I were genuinely amused at his outburst and there was someone there for me
to fool. As if I didn't want to punch the living shit out of him for
throwing those truths in my face.

Soon after, I asked Hanna to be my girlfriend, and made sure as many people
as possible knew about it. She said yes, obviously. She was fun, and pretty
much everything I wanted for a girlfriend. For weeks I lived that new
chapter in my life with full enjoyment, as if there weren't anything I was
trying to hide. I did it so well that I sometimes managed to completely
forget about those months with Janek, and whenever I remembered, I would
get a rush of shame and actual surprise at myself for having ever allowed
that to happen.

I would still see Janek in the hallways, obviously, and in Gym. I was good
at playing it cool and unbothered but, to my surprise, so was he. I was
sure, however, that having his friends around all the time helped him with
that. He could always pretend someone had just told him a hilarious joke,
or that he had some hot gossip to share. I was sure he was.

...........................

Two months. That's how long it took me.

The sex with Hanna was so very different. I wasn't the fact that you have
to be more delicate with girls or anything like that. It took me a very
long time to let my rage at Janek clear out, and realize that what it
lacked, quite simply, was the rush that I felt with him. Of course, when
you're supposed to do something, when it isn't forbidden, how can it ever
be as fun as when it is? I'd gotten used to it, and it worried me. Whenever
I masturbated in private, my mind would wander to Janek's thin, smooth,
albeit now faceless body.

I would see him in the hallways with his group of nerd friends, the kind
that wouldn't mind at all to be seen with a gay kid. It was the kind of
thing that was impossible not to figure out if you observed for long
enough, for even my friends were now making jokes at his expense. Not only
about him, but also Mattias.

Mattias was a tall, good-looking blonde kid that had always belonged to
that group for some reason. Maybe because he was quiet, I guessed, and a
bit on the sensitive side. And he was standing out as the guy Janek was
being seen with the most. In Gym, they would talk and laugh quietly on the
sidelines while everyone else worked hard to impress the girls that were
watching.

One day, after having missed the previous day of school, I arrived to learn
that Mattias and Timo had come to punches on the locker room after
class. When I asked why, they told me it was because Timo had been teasing
Janek about his sexuality.

"He had been telling him 'we all know you're gay, it's pretty obvious, why
don't you go ahead and admit it? We won't tease you or anything, we just
want to know for sure'. He was being a dick, right? Then suddenly Mattias
goes berserk and pins him against the wall, tells him to leave him
alone. Timo fought back and it got pretty intense. It was insane."

Surely enough, I saw Mattias with a black eye that day. Timo had been
suspended. And just hearing about Mattias, and how furious he had gotten -
all the admiration that it entailed - all I could think about was how Janek
was taking it. I could imagine how thankful he must feel. He, who always
had so much to say about everything, what would he think about his heroic
defender? How would he compare him to me? After that, would he even keep
thinking of me, like I was always so sure he did?

 .............................

It was unavoidable after a while. On the first opening I got, I broke up
with Hanna. "We were better off as friends, right?" I'd told her. "I'm just
not the guy that you deserve."

 It sounded hilariously clichéd, but it was how I felt. I wasn't taking
full advantage of the relationship. I wasn't happy beyond reason to be with
her. And if there was someone out there who would have been, why should I
have to be in the way of that? Why should I be taking up a spot that I
didn't necessarily want, or need? Why should I waste my time, and hers?
That's what I'd meant. I doubt she saw it that way, though.

And if nothing else, it was my attempt, after my shame about Mattias'
admirable jump in Janek's defense, to feel like a better person.

But the best thing about it was that now I could masturbate the day away
thinking about Janek without it feeling dirty or improper anymore. I was no
longer willing to ignore or deny that part. Breaking up with Hanna was
something that I knew left me on the ground socially and romantically. It
made me feel small and failed, not only in my own eyes, but also in
everyone else's. The thing is... I wanted to feel that. Because I had
already been feeling that way while I was with her. Now I could feel it
while also feeling "clean", and now that I officially had nothing, it left
me free to build up from the ground level, and I did so by being honest
with myself right from the start and admitting that I still wanted Janek. I
wanted his ass around my cock, I wanted my hands on his chest, I wanted his
tongue in my mouth. I began to masturbate over three times a day, thinking
of him and him alone while I did it. It was such a marvelously erotic
thought that it was almost hard to believe that it had actually, long ago,
happened several times. There, on my bed, with the door locked, the
curtains drawn and my hard cock in my hand, could I finally accept and
admit that I missed him.

But with that certainty came heartbreak.

One day, I'd been told by the coach, as a punishment for playing like shit
that class, to gather the balls and put them away in the storage
room. Everyone headed to the locker room, and I was left in the giant court
by myself, to do with my time whatever I felt like until lunch time. I
gathered two or three balls, but quickly gave up trying and simply laid
myself to rest on top of one of the matt piles in the dark, stinky storage
room. Like always, my dick began to swell, and my impulsive need to
masturbate thinking about Janek's tight body kicked in. To think that it
had been there where he had once blown me off...

Some twenty minutes into my very slow jerk, someone slid open the door to
the other half of the storage room, divided from the half I was in by a
heavy blue curtain. I took my hand out of my shorts at once. I heard
giggling and voices. It was at least two people. A guy and his girl, I
thought. I heard kissing and gasping. Then voices. One unfamiliar. The
other Janek's.

I stayed frozen in my spot, sure that at some point they'd come to my half
of the storage room, but they didn't. Once I was sure I would remain
undetected, I got up, silently walked to the gap where the curtain met the
wall and peeked in. It was Mattias, tenderly kissing Janek on the back of
the neck while his hand wandered all over the inside of his
t-shirt. Janek's eyes were closed, his mouth open, his head tilted to the
side where it would met Mattias' face. The same expression I'd seen a
thousand times, but looked at from the front and at a distance. Mattias
slid down Janek's shorts, he bent over and his head half-vanished behind
the pommel horse while his fingers held onto it. At some point Mattias
entered him, and what I finally saw was Janek having sex with someone who
wasn't me. Gasping, caressing, moaning that had nothing to do with me; that
was, for the first time ever, none of my fucking business. I somehow
summoned the will to walk away, and slid myself through the minuscule gap
I'd left on my side's door, feeling strangely empty, yet heavy. If they
heard something, they didn't stop. The next Gym class, the coach tore me a
new one for leaving my chore unfinished.

.............................

I was in the locker room, feeling resolute. I kept expecting to hear
footsteps walking in. Janek was taking fucking forever. This time it had
been his task to put the balls away - he always played horrendously - and
he was supposed to come change as soon as he was done. Mattias had skipped
school that day, so he was alone. That had been the trigger in my decision.

Finally, footsteps. He walked in, sweaty, and with his brown hair all over
his face, looking hotter than ever in his skimpy gym shorts. He saw me and
went pale.

"You're fucking him, aren't you?"

It took him a while to react.

"What's it to you?" he answered, without need to ask what or who I was
talking about.

"I broke up with her." I began to walk towards him. "It didn't work, there
was no point."

He chuckled.

"Good for you", he said, and moved toward his gym bag.

"Yes, good for me. Good for me because I was wasting both our times. Hers
and mine. I shouldn't have done that."

"Okay, Gregor. What do you want?" He looked annoyed, with no patience for
nonsense. For the first time it occurred to me this might not work out.

"You're still mad at me?"

"I'm not anything at you", he said as he unfurled his clean t-shirt. "I'm
fine. We're fine, Gregor. Okay?"

"Man, just cut the crap. You're not anything at me, how can you not be
anything at me? Just look at your forehead, all creased and mad. You're
obviously still pissed at me. You haven't taken your shirt off, waiting for
me to leave. You've clearly still got it for me."

He chuckled again and shook his head, looking at his bag. He took his shirt
off.

"And you know it's the same for me. You must know I've got the biggest
stiffy right now, just from looking at you." By that time I'd reached him,
and I began to smell him around his neck without touching him. "You know I
want to get some of that sweat on me. Janek. Janek, look at me."

He turned.

"I'm sorry. Okay? I'm so sorry, all I can think of is how sorry I am. I
lost out on so much from you. I could have gone to your house for Christmas
when your mom invited us, we could have had the best time, you and me and
Robby and Lannie. That's all I can think of right now."

"Gregor, I know, okay? You've said it already, you're sorry. We're fine
now, don't worry about..."

"And you think that now that you've got Mattias, you can do without
me. Fair enough, man. I can understand you thinking that. But just like I
realized Hanna is not for me... you will too. Janek, I've had you lick my
nose after kissing me. I've had you give my dick little kisses after you're
done sucking it. You just don't get over that right away, friend. Just like
I realized I owed Hanna her time, you owe that guy the truth."

I put my hands on his hips.

"Tell him you have someone else. Someone who can't help but get dizzy..." I
put my nose on his neck. "... when he smells you. Don't waste his time. Hm?
Let's get ours back. Let's, please."

My hands swept his sweaty chest and landed on his nipples. He must have
already felt my erection in his ass.

"Gregor. Get off me."

"Oh, I will after we're done."

I stuck my hand in his shorts and grabbed his dick, which was slowly
getting hard. He flinched, and tried to pull my hand away.

"Gregor, let go. Gregor, get off me!" His voice went up to levels I hadn't
heard before. For the first time ever, he sounded manly, authoritative.

"I won't."

"Get OFF ME!"

He spun around and hit me square on the jaw. I fell to the floor.

"What the fuck is the matter with you?"

I looked at him. His jaw was quivering. I felt like this was a dream, a
nightmare.

"Fuck..."

He grabbed his stuff all at once, walked past me and left. I heard his
footsteps down the hall until they'd vanished.

TO BE CONTINUED