Date: Thu, 26 Apr 2001 00:16:45 EDT
From: Justin69SK@aol.com
Subject: Michael's Secret Love  Chapt 15

April 23, 2001

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Michael's Secret Love
Chapter 15

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Written By: Justin Case
Edited By: Wayne

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Disclaimer: This story contains graphic language and sexual content. You
must be of legal age to read this material. The work is the creation of the
author and is fiction; any similarity to actual persons, places, or events
is coincidental. The author, his editors, and the publisher accept no
responsibilities for the actions of the reader of this material.  -c-2001
Justin Case/Justin's Corner Publishing.

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SoapBox: Hello my peeps, how's it going? I trust I find you in good
spirits. I want to thank you all for your constant support. I have
appreciated all the letters and messages I have been getting. The kind
things you say to me, humble me. I had no idea that my writing would be so
well received. I hope I never let you all down.

If you want to write me my address is Justin69SK@aol.com . I have a few
messenger services you can reach me on if you'd like to chat, on AIM
JustinCaseBcuz is my screen name, on MSN my address is
JustinCase69SK@hotmail.com and on ICQ Justin Case. My web site can be found
at http://JustinsCorner.homestead.com and on Saturday nights at 10 PM EST,
I can be found in my chat room located in http://talkcity.com/ my room name
is Justin's Corner. If you don't have any of the services I subscribe too,
why don't you meet me Saturday night for a chat?

I am now accepting other's material for posting onto my web site. If you're
interested in having me review your work for consideration send it along. I
would be honored.

Thanks.

As Always,
Just,
Justin

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The next few days were uneventful in Covington. The cold winter months were
rapidly giving way to the warmth of the spring. Everywhere I went people
would stop me and tell me what a fine job I had done in the Spring
Concert. I had no idea that there were so many people who lived in our
small town. If I told you, the outpouring of compliments and the notoriety
of being a celebrity of sorts moved me, it would be an understatement. I
was proud of my talent and who I was.

I began to experience an inner turmoil. I couldn't seem to shake the notion
that people wouldn't be so receptive to me if they knew the truth. I
figured I would just have to live with it, it was the way things were. It
gnawed at me something fierce.

James and I began to have problems between us. He became distant. He was so
afraid his family would find out we were gay. Eugene and I became closer;
he was upset because he didn't have anyone. He spent most of his time with
me after school. James began staying home and avoiding me.

When Sally Pedneault asked me if I would take her to the prom, I knew that
I had to do something. I worried that, if I didn't do or say something, I
would have to spend the rest of my life hiding from people. I was more
upset with the thought that I might loose James. I speculated on the fact
that Eugene had tried to kill himself, and why. I realized all these things
could be avoided, if only people knew who I was.

It was a Wednesday night, about eight o'clock. I was alone in my bedroom,
just me and that fucking tree. I just had to get rid of it. If one more
leaf fell on me while I was sleeping, I promised myself I'd throw the whole
damn thing out the window. Eugene had just left, he was crying again. My
heart broke for him. I remembered that Mr. Stormley had told me he knew
someone else who was gay in the school. I knew there had to be more than
just the three of us, I couldn't stand to see Eugene go through his anguish
anymore.

I grabbed my address book and looked for Mr. Stormley's home number; he
gave it to me just days before. He told me to call him anytime, night or
day, if I had anything at all that I needed to talk to him about. I decided
I needed someone to talk to; someone who could guide me. I was counting on
his experience to help me through what seemed insurmountable to me.

"Hello," Mr. Murray's voice came through the telephone.

"Hello, Mr. Murray, it's me, Michael. May I speak to Mr. Stormley?"

"Is everything all right, Michael?"

I began to cry I couldn't hold my tears back any longer. "No, it's
not. Could I come over and talk with you and Mr. Stormley?" I sobbed.

"Do you need us to come pick you up? Where are you, Michael?" Mr. Murray
asked, his voice was full of concern.

"No, it's OK, I'd rather walk. I need some time to clear my head."

"Come right over, Michael, we'll be here."

I hung my phone up, and glanced at myself in the mirror mounted on my
closet door. I was a mess. I hadn't had a haircut and my hair was
retaliating, I hated having hair that had its own mind and did what ever it
wanted. My eyes were red and puffy from crying, so I figured I'd splash
some cold water on my face.

It was dark out when I headed to my teacher's home. The nights were still
cold; although it was May and we had temperatures in the seventies during
the day, it would get down into the thirties at night. I was glad I had
decided to wear a jacket. The wind bit at my face as I wound my way through
the streets towards their home. I thought about all the things that were
bothering me. I was still upset about what I had let Eugene do to me that
night in the car. I was hurt by the fact James was too afraid to be with
me. I wondered what would have happened if Eugene had succeeded in his
suicide attempt. I even thought about how Sally Pedneault was offended when
I told her I wouldn't take her to the prom. I knew that if I took her it
would lead her on, and she would be one more person that I would hurt by
being who I was. Yet, on the other hand, she was hurt because I turned her
down and couldn't really give her a good explanation. I was in a no-win
situation from my point of view.

It didn't take me long to reach Mr. Stormley's home. As I approached, I
noticed him standing at the large bay window in the front room. I took a
few deep breaths, to settle myself down. I didn't want to be some
blubbering kid, bawling my eyes out like a baby. I knew, though, that if I
had, he would have understood. Since Mr.Stormley had made his confession to
me and I to him, I felt a bond between us. He would never pass judgment on
me. I had nothing to fear from him or Mr.  Murray.

I didn't even get to knock on the door; it opened before I got to the
porch. Mr. Murray was standing just inside, one hand on the doorknob as he
extended his other to me. I took his hand in mine; it was warm and
inviting. I walked into their home and was impressed with the
furnishings. I don't know what I had expected, but the home was decorated
tastefully.

The living room was a large room with a full wall dedicated to a red brick
fireplace in which was a small fire. The floor was wide pine board with an
oval shaped rug in the center; the rug had bands of alternating brown and
beige colors . The couch and two chairs all matched in a plaid fabric of
orange, black, brown, and beige. The wall on the opposite side of the
fireplace, to my left as I walked into the room, was a bookcase with
several shelves and cabinets. It was overstuffed with books and other
literature, as was the coffee table in the center of the room.  There was a
stereo, but no television in the room. I noticed several plants in the
window and pictures on the walls.

I know this sounds silly, but I was surprised that their house was like
anyone else's. I mean, I don't know what I expected, but I was thinking
that because they were gay it would be different.  It was precisely at that
moment I knew that I knew nothing about being gay. I had fallen victim to
all the things I had been exposed to and had no clue about the reality of
my lifestyle. I wondered why I had to have a `lifestyle' and couldn't just
have a life.

"Michael, are you all right, son. Has something happened?" Mr. Stormley
asked in his baritone voice, that reverberated off his own walls the same
as it did at school.

"I am just so confused and upset. I needed to talk to someone," I
explained.

"I'll put on some coffee and tea. I know we have some pastries, too. Would
you like that, Michael, are you hungry?" Mr. Murray asked as he walked
towards the kitchen, not waiting for my answer.

Mr. Stormley took me into the dining room and we sat at the
table. Mr. Murray brought a plate of pastries in and set it on the
table. The three of us sat at the table and talked about everything that
was bothering me. We shared stories and secrets with each other. It felt
good being able to talk about the things that worried me with people who
understood. Mr.  Murray kept going into the kitchen to bring out more tea
or coffee, and pastries; I had six turnovers.

They told me about a group who met in Portland. It was for teenagers who
were gay. Mr.  Stormley went on to tell me that he was one of the adult
advisors. He and Mr. Murray had begun the group some years before to offer
support and education to teens who needed it. Mr. Stormley told me that
when he was in college, a friend of his had been beaten to death for being
gay. He was enraged, because the police did nothing to find the gang who
committed the murder. Mr.  Murray pointed to a picture of a young man which
hung on the dining room wall and told me it was of the young friend.

Mr. Murray explained to me that I owed no one any explanation for why I do,
or don't do, things. He let me know that it was OK not to go to the prom
with Sally, but he also told me that I could go if I wanted. He told me,
that while I had to be honest; I didn't have to be revealing. He told me,
that if I wanted to go to the prom, to go, but explain to Sally it was only
as a friend. It was up to me to make sure that my feelings were known, and
an explanation wasn't necessary.  He went on to say, if Sally didn't
respect that, then that was her problem, not mine. I told him I wanted to
go to the prom with James, but knew that wasn't possible.

"Unfortunately, Michael, in today's society, here in Covington, that would
be a very brave, but unwise thing to do." Mr. Stormley said.

The two went on to explain that people were beginning to wake up to the
fact that being gay was not something people chose, but was determined at
birth. They told me, that for the last twenty- five years, study after
study indicated being gay was determined anywhere from birth to six years
of age. States around the country were beginning to make laws that were
favorable to gays, as Vermont did. It was a beginning, they told me, but
still a long way from being able to be free with who we were. Ignorance and
intolerance would take a long time to overcome. They both expressed concern
that it wouldn't happen in our lifetime, but hoped it would in the
generation to come.

They asked me to talk with James and ask him to come with me to a
meeting. They told me that they would give him a grade on a writing
assignment about the group. This way he could tell his parents he had an
extra credit project to do. Mr. Murray told me about another group called
Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). PFLAG also met in
Portland. He suggested that some time down the road, we could get James'
parents to one of their meetings.

"We need to take this one step at a time. There is no need to tell James'
parents until he is ready and feels safe," Mr. Stormley put in plain words.

Mr. Murray laughed a little when I told him about Eugene, and what he had
done in the back of James' car. I was totally embarrassed.

"Michael, for crying out loud, one moment of indiscretion does not define
you. You're young and temptation got the best of you. You really can't let
that bother you, let it go. Accept the fact that Eugene loves you. Now he
knows you're spoken for and I don't think he'll disrespect that."  Murray
said, and made it sound so trivial. I realized that it was.

Finally, they told me that if Eugene came to a meeting, he might meet
someone. They both smiled at each other when they told me that. I got the
impression that they knew more than they were letting on. I have to say,
for the short time I spent with them, I was happier. I felt more able to
deal with what felt so burdensome before I talked with them. I really began
to see things in a different light. We decided that I should go to the next
meeting. I would talk with James and Eugene about going, it was on Friday
night, they told me.

Mr. Stormley insisted on driving me home. I was glad he did, I remembered
how cold it had been when I walked over. He told me he was proud of me for
being such a caring person. He said that it took a lot of courage to be
able to tell him what I had, and was thankful that I felt comfortable
enough to do it. He reminded me that, if I ever had anything at all to talk
about, he didn't want me to hesitate to call on him or Mr. Murray. It was a
quick drive and I thanked him before I got out of his car.

I awoke the next morning, and did my usual inspection of my body in the
mirror. I had to make sure I was still me. I always love looking at myself
in the morning, because I know that I'll look better after I get out of the
bathroom. It's like the before and after pictures you see on commercials. I
felt a thousand times better. I figured I'd take my shower and get dressed,
then walk up to meet James. I knew I was going to tell him everything I had
learned and hoped it would ease his fears. I was a little apprehensive, but
I had faith, faith in our love.

I left the house a little earlier than I did most mornings; I wanted to
have some extra time to talk with James. I crossed through the Shannuck's
yard and Mrs. Shannuck was outside having her morning cigarette. I nodded
to her and smiled.

I stood on James' porch; my smile stared back at me from the window on the
door as I waited for someone to answer it. I saw my lover as he came to the
door. He smiled back at me; I had missed his smile the past several days. I
remembered thinking; I hadn't smiled much either, until that morning. I had
been so consumed with all my problems, I hadn't been very good company,
either.

"Morning Bro, you're early. Come on in, everyone's gone. My father had a
church breakfast this morning." James beamed; his eyes had that devilish
look in them. I knew what he was really saying.

"Alone, huh? Just you and I?"

"Yep, yep," he chuckled and pulled me into the house. He put his arms
around me and gave me a passionate kiss.

"What was that for?" I asked, a little startled.

"Well, you've been such a shit the last few days, I thought I'd break the
ice." James said and smiled.

"Excuuuuse Me? I've been the shit? I beg your pardon. I thought it was you
worrying about being found out, and what your father would do." I said,
somewhat astonished.

"Well, it's like you said. We don't have to tell him anything until it
concerns him. No one has ever suspected anything about us, so why should
that change. I've been doing a lot of thinking, Michael. You're right, I
have been afraid and worrying about it, but when I just saw you with that
huge friggin' grin of yours, I realized it's all worth it. I love you too
much to let you go." He said so tenderly.

"I love you, too, James. I really do." Tears began to run down my cheeks,
tears of joy.

"Come on up to my room, we have a few minutes, and I'll show you how much I
love you."  With that devilish look again, the one I couldn't resist.

We bounded up the stairs to his bedroom; I was behind him and watched his
cute butt as he climbed the steps two at a time. I was so happy to be with
him, I didn't mind if we missed the bus, either. I don't like `quickies.'
After all, it wasn't that far to walk to school. We only took the bus
because of the new rule that my father hated so much.

I watched him as he slowly undressed, and I followed his lead. His body was
so well defined, every muscle on his chest and stomach. His smooth skin
looked so tantalizing, his hard dick standing straight up against his fine
pubic hairs. The large full sac hanging below his prick, against his smooth
white thighs, drew my attention.

I got on my knees, naked in front of him and began to suck on his balls. I
pulled them into my mouth and felt them with my tongue and lips. I could
smell his sweet fragrance as my hand reached for his hard dick. I lightly
stroked his member while I sucked his grape-sized testicles into my mouth.

"Let's get on the bed." James said, reaching down to my shoulders and
pulling me up.

I watched as he lay back onto his bed. He shook his head to get his blonde
hair out of his eyes. His blue eyes seemed to sparkle when they were
unveiled from under his bangs. He pulled me on top of him; his body was
soft and warm. His cock was rock hard and as big as I had ever seen it. I
knew he was full of desire; then, so was I.

I lay on top of him and rubbed my dick against his. I kissed him deeply and
fervently, while I ran my hands up and down his sides, feeling his smooth,
soft, taut, skin. I felt as if I were going to burst. I could feel his hot,
hard, swollen cock as it rubbed against mine. I moved one of my hands to
feel his balls. I gently massaged his sac full of cum, and pulled at the
hairs that grew on it. I reached my fingers below his sac and probed at the
skin and hair between his balls and his hole.

James began pinching and rubbing my tits, paying specially attention to my
nipples. He spread his legs and put them up on my shoulders. Then he
grabbed my cock and guided its head to his waiting ass. He rubbed the head
of my dick and the pre-cum all around his hole. He raised his hips up and
pushed my cock head into his puckered hole.

"Fuck me, Michael, I need you now." He whispered to me.

I had never done it without lubrication, and worried about hurting him. He
put his hands on my ass and pulled me towards him. He wanted it, so I let
my worries go as I pushed my dick into him. I felt the warm walls of his
ass as they grabbed my cock. I pushed myself in as far as I could; I felt
my balls slap against his. I kissed him again and sucked his tongue into my
mouth. I ran my right hand down to his huge cock and jerked it while I
fucked him.

I felt his cock as it began to twitch, his asshole tightening around my
dick. I knew he was going to cum. I began to fuck him faster so I could cum
with him. I pounded my hard long dick into him as deeply as I could, slowly
pulled it back to where I almost came out of him, and then drilled into him
again. I felt my balls as they began to ache for release. I felt his hot
jets of spewing cum as they shot out of his dick up my stomach and chest. I
felt his ass as the walls tightened around my prick with every shot of
cum. I came a few seconds later; shot after shot pumped from my rod buried
deep in his ass. I felt the cum as it oozed out of him, I reached my hand
under his ass and scooped some of the fluid into my hand. I rubbed it on
his chest and mixed my cum with his, then I pulled him close to me so that
my chest rubbed against his.

We stayed in the bed for a little while, contented to be with each
other. We decided to walk to school. We finally got up and got dressed. We
would only be about a half-hour late, but it was worth it.

Walking to school, I told James about what Mr. Murray and Mr. Stormley had
told me, and he agreed to go to the meeting. Later in the day we talked to
Eugene, he was especially interested when I told him he might meet someone
there. Our lives began to settle down again as we learned to accept
ourselves for who we are.

The five of us began going to the meetings every Friday night starting that
very week. I met several other kids in the group whom I knew from
school. We talked about our fears and experiences with each
other. Mr. Stormley and Mr. Murray showed us movies, and brought in
literature for us to read and discuss. I learned that I was not alone with
many of the thoughts I had. James did, too. Oh, and Eugene, he met someone,
Charles. They seem to be in love.

James hasn't told his parents yet, and neither have I. We have time, so for
right now, we just remain in love. I have learned too, that secrets can be
dangerous. One of the members of the group tried to live life as if he were
straight, denying who he was to himself. He got into a relationship with a
girl. He told us how hard it was to break up with her. He didn't want to
hurt her, or cause her pain, but his own pain was too great and he didn't
treat her well. We learned that, although we didn't have to share our
secrets with everyone, we couldn't live with lies, either. The best thing
about the meetings was that we learned from others and didn't have to make
the same mistakes they did. I think the most valuable thing I learned was
that these kinds of groups meet all over. They can be found in most
telephone directories. Therefore, no matter where James and I go, we can
always find a support group near by.

For the first time in my life, I can look forward to everything. I no
longer have to feel guilty about who I am. It is OK, and I will be
OK. James and I have decided to finish high school and then go on to
college before we decide to make a lifetime commitment, but we are engaged.
Our love won't be a secret forever.

THE END OF THE STORY THE BEGINNING OF MY LIFE

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Well, there you have it. I hope you take the lessons from the story and
apply them to your own life if you're struggling with your sexuality. Go to
the nearest church, if you can't find anything listed in the phone book,
for a support group. Ask a clergyman, they are sworn to confidentiality; I
assure you, help is there. Living in fear and shame is not healthy. Please,
if you are in pain.  release your secret in a safe environment. If you
don't find a clergyman, or can't find something in your phone book, call
the nearest mental health clinic and ask them for information on groups
that meet for gay teens. I am sure they will oblige you, and the phone call
can be anonymous.  Help is only a phone call away.

Thank you, all for following the story.

Thank you, Wayne for the fine editing job.


Until we meet again,
As Always,
Just,
Justin
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