Author's Note: This is a story based from my life experience. Names have been changed to help keep the people I love safe. This story contains a part where a family member took advantage of someone and how he struggled with it until he met the one who healed his heart for a time being. There will be love and romance and heartbreak in this story. Also please know that this story does contain sex between minors who grow up in a world where homosexuality is something isn’t allowed. As I dive into my memories I hope you find enjoyment in this story.
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My Life and Where it has Taken Me
My name is TJ Haynes I have lived in California my whole life. I have seen California argue with the rights for LBGT community for nearly 20 years. It has come a long way since I first came to terms of being gay myself.
I was born in Riverside, California. I have an older sister name Marie who was born in August 1980, then there is myself Thomas Haynes Jr. born in April of 1983, then my little sister Karen who was born in January 1989, finally my little brother Jake who was more of an oops baby but none the less he was born in March 1993. My family consists of my mom and dad, my brother and sisters then my grandma Haynes. My mom’s side of the family comes from a long line of the Mormon religion. My dad’s family is different my dad converted when he married my mom. However, my grandma Haynes didn’t convert until a year before she passed away.
At the first part of this story will take place in the first place I called home. It is a three bedroom, one bath home. I shared a room with my two sisters, grandma had her room then my parents had their room. Where we lived was on a street not too far from my elementary school it was right down the street and my mom worked as a yard lady there. My dad at the time was working for a company called National Lumber. I started school a year late because my mom didn’t think I was ready for school by the time I was 5. My best friend Nick lived right two doors down from us. I know it might seem odd but Nick and I had a connection we always played naked every time we were at his house. His mom and dad didn’t care and they never told my parents because they knew of my parents’ religion point of views. Nick was my best friend from the age of 4 and up. We did everything together his mom became my babysitter when my mom was at work sometimes. Although grandma was the one who really raised me but we won’t go into that right now. So Nick and I would play naked and we being boys always got muddy and dirty playing in the mud without Tonka toys so his mom would tell us to take a bath and get cleaned up before I head home for the day. I admit I liked bathing with him even now a few decades later I can still remember how we would grab the bar soap and rub one another down with soap. He would soap up my butt crack and I would do his as well. At that time we didn’t think anything of it just friends helping clean one another we were small and the word gay, homosexual, queer, or faggot hadn’t been introduced to our minds.
It was a hot summer in July 1988 when Nick and I were playing at my house in the backfield that was attached to where we were. We just got done playing in the little pool my parents bought and we forgot our towels. But we dried of quickly since it was almost 100 degrees outside already. Nick was staying over for a few days his parents were out of town and my mom said he could stay with us. He was the youngest of his family and had his second oldest brother who lived at the house still there but his mom didn’t want him alone since his brother worked. His brother was huge and cool though, but Nick’s parents didn’t want Nick staying alone at home while Mitchell worked. Once we were completely dried of we went inside my house where Grandma had some lemonade and peanut butter and Jelly sandwich waiting for us. She gave us permission to take it to the fort my big sister and I built using tires and plywood. It was Mitchell who helped us put the plywood over the top of the tires and on the pallets the tires sat on. Once Nick and I got into my fort we got out of our shorts and sat on the lounge chair my sister and I put in there and ate our lunch.
Nick’s leg was resting against mine and he kept rubbing my ankle with his toes. I was extremely ticklish and I started laughing. The fort was semi hidden by the tall grass that stood in the field except for the middle of it where it was dirt where our pool was. So Nick and I got into a wrestling match in the grass it ended up being where Nick was on top of me at that moment our eyes locked and then Nick kissed me. I panicked at first and shoved him off of me “ewe why would you do that Nick” he looked at me. “I seen Mitchell and his girlfriend do it when she was on top of him. I just wanted to see what it felt like.” I crawled back to him and we sat in the grass “it wasn’t bad actually but now I feel weird like my heart is pounding” I said looking into his eyes. He felt the same way then we both tried it again and we kissed. We broke from our kiss and wow it felt good actually to the point where we kissed again. We broke from our kissing and laid besides one another holding one another’s hands. We rolled onto our side and faced one another and he told me his brother had magazines of girls naked along with magazines of naked men doing things with one another. We decided tomorrow we would sneak over to his house and look for the magazines.
We got our shorts back on and went back inside our house where Nick helped me do my chores so we could watch cartoons until dad came home and we would either have to watch his shows, or go play in mine and my sister’s room for the time being. When it came time for bath time then bed time we took our baths separate because according to mom and dad boys don’t take baths together it isn’t proper. They did let Nick share my top bunk of my bed though. He slept at the foot of the bed with his own blanket and I slept at the other end with my blanket. We always slipped out of our pajama bottoms and underwear and slipped them into our pillow cases. We would fall asleep and always somehow end up having our feet resting on each other’s dicks. A couple days later we sneaked over to Nick’s house and we found his brother’s magazines we looked at them and we found them hypnotizing but disgusting at the same time. We only stayed about 15 minutes and then left but we made sure the magazines were put back where we found them. Nick stayed for another week until his parents came home. I must admit my bed felt empty without him in it. We still played a lot though during that summer. It was near March when Nick and his family moved away. I felt empty inside, alone, and somewhat abandoned now he was gone.
By the time I was around nine years old I felt and knew I was different then the other boys in my class and my church. I did my cub scouts and even then I was somewhat felt alone there. Then things changed when I was nine years old. See I began to notice boys a lot and I admit I found them attractive. My Uncle Clint caught me one time while visiting my grandma and grandpa Evers watching the two twin brother next door swimming nude. He yelled at me and told me to come with him. I knew I was in deep trouble and I knew I was going to get lectured about spying on them. He pulled me into the chicken coop and he began yelling at me “so you like spying on naked boys huh. Well then I am going to show you what boys and men do that spy on children.” He told me to pull my pants down but I refused then he grabbed me and pulled my pants down off of me. He then shoved his dick into my ass. I begged him to stop but he didn’t stop. Once he finished and filled my ass with his stuff he pulled my pants and underwear up and threaten if I said anything to me he would whip my ass with his belt. This went on until I was 11 years old and I finally had enough now Uncle Clint was in and out of Jail for selling drugs and it was taking its toll on my grandpa.
I told my mom and grandparents about him and they didn’t believe me. They did ask Uncle Clint and he flat out and said “I have a son of my own that is wrong and disgusting I would never do something like that to my nephew.” That was it on one hand he never touched me again but the other hand it took its toll on me. I began more secluded to myself and I had a few friends but I felt hurt and betrayed by my family. My family moved from my childhood home to a four bedroom and two baths home. It was a fresh start I shared a room with my little brother, my sisters had their room, grandma had hers, and mom and dad had their room. I was already hitting puberty at the age of 11. I noticed hair growing down below and how I would have dreams of being in the locker room and watching the guys strip down. I woke up hot and sticky from those dreams.
It was my neighbor across the street Sam he was my age and he is the first boy I really messed around with my parents were gone with my little brother and sister. Grandma Haynes was at her other granddaughter’s house in Riverside. So I was alone and Sam came over to hang out. Mom and dad didn’t mind him coming over at all when they weren’t home. Anyways Sam and I were in my room talking when he asked me if I wanted to learn to play poker. I told him sure I was up to it and he told me since we didn’t have any money we will play strip poker. We began to play and it came down to us both being in our underwear. I kept looking at his bulge in his underwear it was bigger than mine. I won the hand and he had to take them off. He had the biggest penis I have ever seen. See Sam was African American and his dick and foreskin on it too. Sam caught me staring and he asked me if I wanted to touch it. I reached forward and grabbed it. Just touching it caused a feeling in my body and I felt my penis getting hard. Sam reached and pulled my pants down and he began stroking my dick. He then stopped me and got on his knees and put my penis in his mouth. I never knew something like this could feel so good. He stopped and told me to lie on my bed and once I did he lay beside me with his dick near my face and I mimicked his movements. He shot his load inside me and it tasted amazing. I was close and he must have known he told me not to cum yet and then he surprised the hell out of me when he got up and sat down on my dick. His ass was extremely tight he began bouncing up and down on my dick. I felt the urge to shoot and told him but he kept going. Then I shot my load inside of him he fell backwards on me and he kissed me. He asked me if I wanted to try it and I began to have flashbacks of my Uncle molesting me. Sam saw the panic look in my face and he asked me what was wrong so I told him. He told me it was fine he liked having me inside of him anyways. Sam and I had sex with one another for almost 4 months until his dad got a new job and he had to move away.
I hid masturbating from my parents because in church they would tell us that masturbation leads to impure thoughts and those thoughts could lead to damnation and homosexuality. I was already coming to terms of being gay but I had to hide it from everyone. I kept it hidden from everyone that is until I met who I knew was my soul mate. His name was Mark Moore he was exactly one month older than me. Mark just moved into our church and there was something about him that made me feel drawn to him. It was in March of 1998 when my scout troop planned a camping trip to Joshua Tree National Park. We met at my scoutmaster’s house and I saw Mark standing there. I walked up to him and introduced myself to him. We shook hands and there was a feeling passing from his body to mine like a strong energy. His eyes lit up and connected with mine. We quickly pulled our hands a part. When everyone arrived we left to go camping. Mark and I ended up being buddy together and we shared a tent. There were eight scouts and two scout masters total. Mark and I picked our tent a little bit away from the others which ended up being not that far from one of the scoutmaster’s tent. After dinner the eight of us scouts played capture the flag. Mark and I were on opposite sides though. My team won the game and we finally turned in after making smores.
Mark and I got into our tent and he began to strip out of his clothes. He was like me a little on the husky side but he had such a hot looking body. When he got to his underwear I noticed he was wearing boxer and here I was wearing briefs. I climbed into my sleeping bag and he got into his and then I saw him put his boxers on his shoes. We were facing one another and it felt like a magnet was pulling us together we kissed and that same spark sent a surge through my body again. We broke and he looked into my eyes again “either I am just horny or I feel like I have known you my whole life. When I shook your hand it felt like my body had been hit by a surge of electricity.” I told him I felt the same way, we climbed out of our sleeping bags and he was naked he told me to take my briefs off. We kissed and rubbed one another’s bodies feeling every inch of one another. His body felt soft and warm to my touch. It was then that he laid me down and began kissing my neck and slowly kissing his way down my body. He stopped at my dick and slipped my balls into his mouth and began sucking on them. I had to cover my mouth to keep myself from screaming out in pleasure. Mark and I then got into a 69 position and we got into a great suck fest. Mark stopped and he asked me if I have ever had a guy put his dick into me. I didn’t want to ruin the moment but I still had nightmares from time to time of what happened with my Uncle. He promised me he would be careful and he took some Vaseline from his bag and he rubbed it on his fingers and began to slowly slip his fingers inside of me. I admit that it felt great he made sure I was extremely lubed up and then he put some on his dick. He gave me my shirt to bite down one and he slowly began pushing his dick into me. He took his time and gave me time to get use to him. He asked if I was okay and I told him yes I was fine. He then began moving in and out of me. His speed increased and about fifteen minutes later he told me he was going to cum. That’s when I felt him shoot up inside me. It was so amazing and then he stayed in me and began jerking me off causing me to shoot all over his hand. He licked it up and he fed me some. I was hooked on him and he was hooked on me as well. Mark and I fell asleep with him still inside of me and his arms wrapped around me. We woke up early and jerked one another off then got dressed.
Mark and I became inseparable from that point on and we kept our love for one another a secret. We would take turns on who would do who and I admit I really liked his dick buried inside of me. When my nineteenth birthday came around my parents forced me to turn my mission papers to serve a mission for the Mormon Church. Mark didn’t want me to go and I didn’t want to either we made plans to open our own business together and move in with one another into a small apartment. But my parents had other plans I got my mission call and in October of 2002 I left for my mission. Mark came with my parents to the airport and I told them I had to go to the bathroom. Mark said he needed to go as well. We went into the handicap stall and we kissed one another. He had the saddest look in his eyes and I didn’t want to leave him. We promised to write one another all the time since in the Mormon Mission we could only call our family for Christmas and Mother’s Day for the two years we were serving our mission.
Mark and I kept in contact with one another all the time by email and regular mail. It was a hot day and I was serving on the east side of Tucson, Arizona. Me and my missionary companion were biking from an appointment back to our apartment for lunch. When I felt this feeling like my heart got ripped out of my body. I almost fell off my bike, my companion saw me stop and asked if I was okay I told him no something was wrong and I don’t know what it was. We got back to our apartment and I told my companion I wasn’t hungry I was just going to relax on the couch. I was just dozing off when our apartment phone began to ring. My companion answered it and handed it to me. I took it from him and it was my mom. She asked if I was sitting down she had some bad news to tell me. At first I thought it was my grandma Haynes that passed away but then she told me it was about Mackenzie. She told me he was stabbed 17 times by three guys who robbed a gas station next to where he was working and they must have thought he saw something because they killed him. I could barely talk but I was able to ask her what time did it happen and she told me, it was at the time I felt my heart was ripped from my body. My life was shattered from this point on I had lost my soul mate. I felt like God was punishing me because we were gay. Almost a year later I lost my grandma Haynes she lived to be 92 years old. I still miss Mark but I know he is looking over me and protecting me. I still have a hard time during the month of March when his birthday is and during the month of September.