Date: Thu, 1 Mar 2018 23:27:25 +0000
From: Matty N <niftymatty@hotmail.com>
Subject: On the Stage - Chapter 8

Hi guys,

This is only my second time writing anything for someone else to read so
I'd really like to hear any feedback that you have. You can email me at
niftymatty@hotmail.com. Apologies for any errors.

This story will be more romantic in nature and focus on a developing
relationship between two teenagers. There will eventually be sex but you
will have to wait for it. If you are looking for something more sexual, try
my other story or my tumblr: www.niftymatty.tumblr.com

Whilst some of the writing is based on my own experience growing up, parts
of it are entirely imagined and anything with any similarity to events in
your own lives is coincidental. All copyrights are mine. If you aren't of
legal age then it's your decision to continue reading and take the
consequences.

-------------------
Previously:

In our last chapter, Finn has come around to Patrick's house on the basis
that he wanted to help Paddy set up his laptop. While that part of the
visit went as planned, something quite unexpected happened too: Finn and
Patrick ended up having a conversation about his adoption and it ended with
their faces just millimetres apart. Could a kiss be on the cards for our
ginger cutie?

-------------------
On the Stage - Chapter Eight

"Patrick!" a loud and echoing call came from downstairs - Susan was home.

We both froze. That booming sound had pulled us both back to reality and I
saw a flicker of fear pass over Finn's eyes. Before I even had time to
react, he had pulled away and was already gathering up his things. His lips
were moving but I couldn't make out anything that he was saying - I'm not
sure whether he was muttering to himself or whether I was just so frozen in
shock that I couldn't actually focus on what it was that he was trying to
communicate with me. I didn't actually hear anything at all until he was at
my bedroom door with his school back. It creaked loudly as he opened it and
he was about to step through when he hesitated. Turning to look at me with
those beautiful eyes, which were now clouded with a range of emotions that
I couldn't even recognise, he softly said: "I'm... I'm... I'll see you at
school." And, with that, he disappeared.

I heard him rush down the stairs and straight out of the outside
door. Susan called after him, first confusing him with me but then quickly
realising that it wasn't. I think she must have thought he had broken in
and was trying to steal something because, the next time she called my
name, there was a definite panic in her voice. I still didn't respond to
her. It was like everything that was happening was a film and I was just
watching it. I didn't feel real and I couldn't participate in it because I
wasn't really a part of it.

Whilst my body was still, my mind was whirling and trying to make sense of
everything that had just happened. Had Finn been about to kiss me? Had I
misread that and ended up leaning in when he actually wasn't expecting it?
Why did he run out of the door and what was with that look in his eyes? I
was lost in a sea of questions and I could feel the storm moving in around
me.

My heart began to pound in my chest - beating loud and fast like a war drum
on the eve of a huge battle. As a response, my body began to shake. It
started in my hands and then spread like wildfire over my entire body; an
uncontrollable tremor running through every fibre of me. I couldn't stop it
- I couldn't even speak.

I remained exactly like that until Susan, looking the most panicked that
I'd ever seen anyone, burst into my room brandishing a cricket bat as if
she was expected some kind of attack. When she saw me, she dropped the bat
and hesitantly approached. "Patrick?" she spoke softly, trying to invite a
response from the statue that I'd become.  "Patrick, what's wrong?" the
fear evident with the slight shake in her voice.

Still, I didn't respond. It wasn't that I didn't want to or was trying to
be ignorant - that's not really in my nature - but I just... couldn't. It
wasn't until her small hand reached out and touched me that the spell was
finally broken and I just collapsed into her arms. She sank down to the
floor with me and just held my shaking body as I began to cry.

I have no idea how long I cried for. I can tell you that I sobbed, well and
truly sobbed, until there was nothing left in me to produce the tears. I
also couldn't say what Susan said to me but I know, at some point, we ended
up moving over the bed where I laid and cried while she hugged me - her
warmth providing some small comfort.

If I'm being truthful, I couldn't even tell you why I was crying so much. I
don't know if I was upset or angry or any other possible emotion. I guess I
just felt... overwhelmed. I felt as if everything was too much and that,
because of that, it couldn't possibly be real because I just couldn't deal
with it. I know that probably doesn't make sense but that's the only way I
think I can explain it.

Eventually, I must have fallen asleep - I'd exhausted myself so much that I
couldn't stay awake. I wish I could tell you that my dreams offered some
interesting insight into how I was feeling or a possible way to break out
of it but I didn't experience a single dream whilst I lay there in my bed.

When I awoke, the room was pitch black and I was by myself once again. It
took a few moments for me to come around fully but at least I didn't
immediately start shaking again once I did. So, Finn and I had nearly
kissed. If we hadn't been interrupted then I think we actually would
have. The only question that still remained was how he reacted afterwards
but I couldn't answer that by myself - I'd need to speak to him tomorrow to
find out about that. No, it wasn't something that I'd planned to happen,
not in the slightest, but it's happened now and I can't change that. There
is no use pretending; we will need to deal with this moving forward. A
little voice inside me perked out to say: "But what if he likes you too?"
but I dismissed it pretty quickly. It wasn't because I just didn't believe
there was a change Finn liked me; I just think it's better to wait when it
comes to things like this. I don't like to get my hopes up. I've been
through that enough with the care system and adoption process that I've
learnt that having high hopes for something that isn't tangible just leads
to disappointment in the majority of cases.

There are some exceptions of course: Susan and Dave are examples of
that. They have been so lovely over the entire time. They've dealt with my
differences and quirks, they've picked me back up when I've felt scared and
inferior and, now, Susan has just held me while I dealt with the complete
mind-fuck that comes from nearly kissing a boy that you've just realised
you have significant feelings for. Every day, I'm realising more and more
how lucky I have been to end up with them and just how horrible things were
beforehand.

A knock on my door brought me back to the real world and away from my
thoughts. "Come in," I said and both of my adoptive parents walked into my
room. Susan had obviously filled her husband in on the events of earlier
and they both wore slightly confused but slightly concerned looks on their
faces. Dave was carrying a tray with a bowl, which from the steam rising
from it was clearly full of something hot, and he set it down on the desk
before joining Susan as she sat on the edge of my bed.

The silence hung heavily in the air and it was as if no-one wanted to be
the first to break it even though we all knew that it had to be. As it
continued, it became too much for me and I cracked under the pressure.
"I'm sorry," I said, so quietly that if it hadn't been completely still in
the room, you wouldn't have had a chance of hearing it.  "No," Susan said
as she moved towards me, placing her hand on my shoulder, "Don't be sorry
about being upset, Patrick. It's ok to cry if that's how you felt."  "I
know but... you... you had to..."  She interrupted me, "No. You're my son,
Patrick."  If I'd had the capacity to cry any more tears then I'm sure that
would have set me off. As it was, I just smiled and lowered my head. I
couldn't look at them; knowing that I was keeping everything from them and
knowing that I'd have to lie about Finn when they asked. As if right on
cue, it was that that came next.  "So, who was that other boy?" Dave asked,
confirming that Susan had told him everything she had witnessed when she
had arrived home that afternoon, "Did he hurt you?"  "No!" I blurted out,
probably a little too loudly and too emphatically if I was going to pass
off his involved as something normal. There were a few more moments of
silence before I caved under the pressure again: "His name is Finn. He's a
friend from school. He'd come around to help me sort out that laptop
because I was worried that I might break it and he's good at all that sort
of stuff."

There was an audible sigh of relief and, for a brief moment, I thought that
that was going to be it; there would be no more questions and that would be
the end of it all. How naive of me is that? The relief only remained for a
moment before: "Why did he leave in such a hurry?"  Crap, I'd have to think
of something quickly but, quite frankly, I'd exhausted the entirety of my
mental capabilities in the aftermath of that almost kiss. My mind was
completely blank - not even the beginning of the idea - when it occurred to
me. I'd give them the same response as I'd given Finn earlier!  "I was just
worried because I didn't know if it was ok for him to come here and that's
why he rushed away."  They both looked at me for a moment and then Susan
asked: "Is that why you were so upset?"

They were buying it. I'd escaped having to confess the reality - all I had
to do was agree with the idea that Susan had already floated out there. It
should have been easy but, looking at their faces, I just couldn't do
it. These people had been amazing towards me - a boy who, let's face it,
they hadn't even known until recently. If I carried on down this road of
lying to them and manipulating them, just because I could, what kind of
person would that make me and what effect would it have on them when they
eventually found out. No, this wasn't right.

"No," I said quietly, "And that's not why he left. That was a lie and I'm
sorry. I shouldn't have said that but I was just so scared."  "Scared of
what?" Dave asked, his face looking puzzled.  "Of how you'd react when you
found out. You might hate me. You might not want me anymore." Despite me
thinking that my eyes had completely dried up, my body somehow found tears
enough that my eyes were starting to get wet again.  Susan looked
completely confused: "Patrick, nothing could make us think that! You're our
son, it's as simple as that. Trust us to help you, please."

Her words hit home. She was right, of course, I should trust them. They've
trusted me enough to give me a room in their house. Actually, no, not a
room in their house - they've given me a home of my own. I have a family
now; two people who care about... no... who love me. They love me enough to
make me part of their world and help me carve out a world for myself. What
on Earth have I been thinking? I needed to do this; needed to tell them. I
could feel the words bubbling up inside my throat and just willing my mouth
to open and them finally be spoken.

"I'm gay."


-------------------
Thank you for reading the eighth chapter of this new series. I hope you
liked it. Please send any feedback, comments or ideas to me at
niftymatty@hotmail.com. If you are so inclined, please visit my tumblr:
www.niftymatty.tumblr.com