Date: Mon, 6 Jan 2020 16:32:05 -0800
From: Backwoods Boy . <backwoodsnatureboy@gmail.com>
Subject: The Ranch Boy Next Door - Part 22

Retreat, Again

"I asked Nate on Tuesday what was troublin' him, but he wouldn't say much.
He said he was seein' the new counselor yer dad recommended and he thought
it was helpin', but he just couldn't talk about anything with anybody else
yet."

Rusty and I were working together fixing fence on his parents' ranch.  I
wasn't getting paid for this.  I was doing it so I could spend more time
with my boyfriend and soul mate.

"Another thing.  He's hidin' in his hoodie again."

"Ya gotta explain that."

"It's somethin' he does when he's depressed or upset.  He wears a
dark-colored hoodie with the top pulled as far over his head as possible.
He looks at his feet all the time and doesn't talk much.  This isn't new.
I've seen it before, and it's never a good sign."

"Ya got any ideas on how we can help him?"

"Well, maybe you can, but I can't seem to."  There was a note of bitterness
and jealousy in his voice.

"Rusty, that's not fair to yerself - or me either.  We're both doin' what
we can.  Other than when we went to look at his heifer the other day, he's
been avoidin' me, too.  I texted him late last night askin' if he wanted to
go to the quarry on Sunday.  No response yet."

Rusty was silent for a few moments.  "Yer right.  I'm sorry.  It's just
that I'm so frustrated about not bein' able to help him."  I looked up
quickly and saw the tears in his eyes.

We shared one of those silent messages of understanding.  "It's okay,
amigo.  I'm just as frustrated as you are.  Maybe we need some help.  Like
another ranch boy club event.  Other than when he was alone with me, he
didn't say much, but he did seem to connect well with the others.  If you
and I can't help, alone or together, maybe we need a different setting.
Maybe someone else could help him this time."

"Yeah, that's a good idea.  But could we even get him to come?"

"How about if I try to set somethin' up?  Kind of like last time.  Except
this time we all gotta bring some of the food.  Would Saturday night work
for ya?"

"Sure.  I'm free until Sunday afternoon."  His sly smile made me wonder
what was up for Sunday, but I knew better than to ask.

************

"What would you think about getting more land and starting a small ranch
ourselves?"

Dad and I were having breakfast together early on Saturday.  Mom had
elected to sleep in.

"Well, I don't suppose I'm tellin' you anything ya don't know, but it seems
like ya can't make a profit on a ranch unless it's huge."

Dad smiled.  "That was your mother's first comment, too.  But we don't need
to make a profit.  It's a long-term investment in a couple of ways.  First,
the land is the thirty-five acres on both sides of us.  Rusty's parents
Patrick and Gloria subdivided eight five-acre lots out of their ranch along
the road here.  We bought one and built on it.  They would like to sell the
rest at a price that would bring them more than farmland but would still be
a good bargain for someone investing in the future.  Pete approached me
about it, and I think it would be a sound investment for us."

I took note of the "us".  It felt like it included me as well as Mom,
especially since he was asking my opinion.

Dad continued.  "The second investment would be in our own family.  I need
to create a more active lifestyle for myself.  With your summer experience,
it's something we could do together.  You've learned lots of things that
you could teach me.  And your mother is interested in having a few chickens
for eggs, and a garden to improve the family nutrition.  The five acres to
the south includes the creek bottom.  The other thirty are the open area to
the north.  We could restore the old pasture and raise a few animals."

"What will we do for water for the garden and the pasture?"

Dad grinned.  "Good question.  The well on our five acres was put in to
provide water for the whole development.  It will supply what we need."

"What about a barn?"

"I've talked with Pete about that.  We'll build a pole barn on the back
corner of the thirty-acre piece next to our current lot.  He'll help set up
a good location, and he's going to recommend a contractor."

"What about the fence?  I know there's one around that thirty acres, but it
needs some work.  We may also wanna put up more barbed wire fence to divide
the thirty acres in half.  And we gotta build some more around the barn for
corrals and stuff."

Dad laughed out loud.  "Do you realize how much you've learned in just a
few months?"

I grinned.  "Yeah, I guess I have learned a little about ranches."

"How about if you make the fence your project?  You can plan for the
materials you need, and do the work yourself or hire your friends if you
want to."

I beamed with pride to think Dad had that kind of confidence in me.  "I can
do that.  And what about the five acres on the other side?"

"It's staying just the way it is.  Have you spent much time down there?"

"No, I found the swimmin' hole on Gramps' property and never looked
further."

"Your current swimming hole is best, but there are some pools down there
with some nice-sized trout in them.  I, for one, plan to take up fishing,
and you may want to consider it, too.  There's an area where the creek
slows down and flows through a grassy meadow.  I can see putting in a path
to the creekside area and perhaps a picnic table or two.  And a fire pit.
But other than that, it won't be changed."

I was excited.  "I think it's a great plan.  So, when does all this start?"

Dad grinned.  "Well, to be honest, the property will be ours late next
week.  I've been working on that part since just after the auction, but
we've been too busy with other things to talk about it.  Pete and Rusty are
coming over tomorrow afternoon to give us advice on the barn and other
outbuildings."

I smiled.  Now I knew Rusty's Sunday evening activity and why he was being
secretive.

Mom walked into the kitchen in her bathrobe, grabbed a cup of coffee, and
sat down with us.

"I overheard part of the conversation.  I guess the Collins Ranch is a go."

I leaned over and gave her a quick kiss.  "Good mornin', Mom.  I hope yer
as happy with the plan as I am."

"I am, and I'm sure your father explained why.  Eating healthier has been
on my list for a long time."

I suddenly remembered I had to coordinate something.  "That reminds me,
Mom, I need a salad of some sort to take to an overnighter tonight, with
the same group as last week and in the same place.  Except this time we're
sharin' the food responsibilities.  I'm sorry to ask this so late, but
could we put somethin' together?"

Mom smiled at me.  "I think we can produce something.  Is it for a good
cause?"

For a minute, my afraid-to-talk paranoia set in.  Then I remembered that
Mom was Dad's administrative assistant now, and I could maybe be slightly
more open.

"Let's just say that one of Dad's clients needs a session with his support
group."

"That's good enough for me.  One teen-friendly salad coming up."

Dad gave me his serious look.  "You need to remember that Nate has to work
this out for himself eventually.  I'm glad you guys are helping him, but in
the end, recovering his trust in others is up to him."

That was better.  Dad knew when he could use names around Mom.  "Thanks
Dad.  We'll do what we can."

************

In the late afternoon, as I drove my four-wheeler over to pick up Nate, I
reflected on the steps I'd taken to make the event happen.  Austin and Andy
were good for it, and would do the barbecue like last time.  They were also
supplying the beverages, legal and illegal.  Jason was excited, and Coach
was making a vegetable hot dish that Jason approved of.  Rusty was
supplying breakfast.

Nate had been a little more difficult.  When he didn't respond to my text
on Friday, I called his mom.  I could tell she was as worried about him as
Rusty and I were.  I suspect she worked the same kind of guilt program as
my mom would have, because Nate soon called me back.  He told me he would
come up on his own and bring his mom's home-made apple pie.  I talked him
into riding up with me again.  I wasn't giving him a chance to back out.

Nate was ready, and wearing the hoodie just as Rusty had described.  His
eyes were puffy and red, and his reserved attitude told me all was not
perfect between us.  We stowed the pie and his sleeping bag and gear.  He
paused briefly before pushing back the hood on his sweatshirt to put on his
helmet.  As he climbed onto the seat behind me, I noticed there was no
boner pressed against me this time.

The ride up the hill to the lake was as fun and relaxing for me as the
first time.  The warm afternoon sun drew out the pine odor, and I felt a
little better when the lake came into view.  I hoped Nate was feeling
better, too.

When we arrived, the others were all there, down to their white speedos,
playing with a Frisbee.  They stopped when we pulled up, and they all came
over to give both of us fist bumps.

Austin was playing host again.  "We thought we'd get some exercise for a
while before we eat.  But now that yer here, Jace brought somethin' to
share.  He won't say what it is."

Jason went over to Austin and Andy's pickup and pulled a paper bag out of
the back.  We gathered around the picnic table.

"I didn't tell my dads anything about last week except that we'd formed a
sort of club to support each other, and I told him the name.  So on Tuesday
when Dad Tom ordered the swim team gear for next year, he ordered these
too, overnight delivery.  There's a dozen of them, so if he got the sizes
right, there's two for each of us."

Jason pulled a white T-shirt out of the bag and held it up.  A circular
logo on the back said "Property of the Ranch Boy Club" in black letters.
In the center was a barbed-wire-fence background Coach had designed.  On
the front, bold black letters declared, "Bringing Out the Best in Each
Other".

A stunned silence was followed immediately by cheers and applause.

I'd said nothing to anyone about Nate needing support, but they knew
instinctively.

Andy spoke up.  "Nate, go ahead and pick one that fits ya."

Nate hesitated before selecting a medium.  Then the rest of us each chose
one and put it on.  I stripped off my cargo shorts, now wearing my speedo
like the others.  Nate stood there in his hoodie and jeans.

"I didn't bring my speedo."

I handed it to him.  "Yer mom put it in the box with the apple pie."

Out of excuses, Nate pulled off his hoodie and put on his shirt to a round
of applause.

Do clothes make the man?  I don't know for sure, but Nate gave us a quick
smile and then changed into his Speedo, ready to play games with the rest
of us.  The ranch boy club uniform had officially been expanded.

I'd found something else in with the apple pie - a small bottle with two
pills.  I delivered them to Nate.

"Thanks.  That's my fuckin' antidepressants.  I gotta take one tonight and
one in the mornin'.  I hate bein' on drugs, so I skipped them for a couple
of days and things went to hell for me.  Fortunately, it's only temporary
until I get to feelin' more positive."

"I don't blame ya for hatin' them, bro.  But please remember to take them."

We threw the Frisbee for about a half hour.  Then, while Austin and Andy
started the barbecue, the rest of us went swimming in the lake.  The water
was cool and refreshing, and when we climbed out we sat on the dock to dry
in the sun, making small talk.  There was an elephant sitting on the dock
with us.  I hoped it wouldn't be ignored all evening.

Dinner was great.  Austin and Andy knew how to do barbecue right.  I
noticed that Nate was avoiding the hamburgers and eating hot dogs instead.
Our parents had done a great job with the side dishes, and Nate got a ton
of compliments to share with his mom on the apple pie.  The one beer we
allowed ourselves loosened everyone up a little.  As with the previous
time, Jason passed on the beer.

It was Nate who pointed out the elephant.  Out of the blue, he asked, "Is
this ranch boy club gonna play poker games like the last one did?"

There was a short silence while Austin, Andy and I shared a quick glance.

Austin broke the silence.  "No we are not.  Ever.  That part is gone
forever.  Where did ya find out about that?"

"A friend told me about it."

"What poker game?"  In his innocence, Jason created the opening.

Andy cleared his throat nervously.  "Okay, it's time to get some things out
in the air between us.  We may not be supposed to talk about this, but
we're gonna 'cause we gotta.  Rusty knows some of it because of an earlier
conversation, but we all gotta be on the same page."

Andy took a sip of water and cleared his throat again.  "The poker game was
a way to have fun with sex.  I won't go into the rules, but let's just say
that the winner got to screw the loser.  For Andy and me, it was exciting
fun.  For Cory, it was a way to find abuse victims for himself and his
dad.  And Logan was just another patsy like we were 'cause he was under
Cory's control.  Nate, it's possible yer 'friend' was one of the abuse
victims."

Now there were tears in Andy's eyes.  He looked at me inquiringly, and I
nodded my head.  "The last poker game, Toby was there.  I now suspect he
was bein' lined up as the next victim, but I don't know that for a fact.
All I know was that within a very few days, Toby found somethin', Logan
went to live with a cousin, and everything came out."

Andy looked at me.  It was my turn.  It was a thin line to tread, but I
decided if I stuck to my personal experiences, it would be okay.  "I was in
love with Logan.  I was at the poker game at Logan's invitation.  I
expected it would be a lot of fun, and it was.  I had no clue as to the
hidden reason for the poker game, but I'd grown suspicious of whether Logan
loved me in return.  Everything that was said at that event made it clear
that all I was to Logan was a good fuck to share with his friends.  After
the game, we had a blow up and I went home."

Tears were running down my cheeks.  "I had a rough couple of days, but
eventually got it back together again, a lot of it with Rusty's help.
Logan and I still worked together for Gramps for a few days, but it wasn't
the same.  And that's all I can tell ya.  The rest ya just gotta guess at
from what ya saw on the news and heard from yer friends."

Now I was crying openly.  Rusty was sitting beside me and put an arm around
me.  Jason was on the other side and did the same.  I looked across at
Nate, sitting between Austin and Andy on the other side of the table.
Tears were running down his cheeks.

"I loved Logan too, and I thought we were boyfriends.  But then somethin'
happened to change all that.  In a way, I still love him, but I don't trust
him any more.  It's hard to trust anybody right now.  But I'm gonna make a
big effort to trust you guys, 'cause I love ya all.  Austin and Andy, it
don't make no difference what ya did.  Ya didn't do it on purpose, and I
love you, too."

Austin and Andy had their arms around Nate, and they were both crying,
too.  We were finally all letting it out.  It was overdue.

After we'd all settled down a little, I had some more to say.  "Nate, ya
gotta understand I still love Logan too, but in a different way.  Now, I'm
gonna quote my mom, 'cause I think it's important to all of us.  She said,
'Your first love is special.  Even when you both move on to other
relationships, it's still very important'.  It's still love, Nate, but it's
a different love, and it's okay."

Austin had that look on his face like he'd suddenly had a revelation.
 "Somethin' else happened that night, before we played poker.  We watched a
video..."  He looked at me and trailed off, concerned he'd overstepped his
bounds.

He hadn't.  "Go ahead, Austin.  It's an important part of the story."

Austin continued.  "The video was one that Logan had made of him screwin'
Toby.  We all thought it was great fun that the city boy was takin' a load
from the country boy and lovin' every minute of it.  But that just got me
thinkin'.  What if Logan made other videos?  What if there were videos of
him and Cory screwin' other guys?  Or Andy and me screwin' other guys?"

There was a stunned silence.  Then all eyes turned to me.

Austin spoke for them.  "Just exactly what did ya find, Toby?  Were there
videos?"

Rusty bailed me out.  "Ya know damn well by now that Toby can't talk about
it, but I can.  You have no idea how I found this out, and I'll deny sayin'
it, but there were videos.  Andy and Austin, if you two had been in them, I
doubt you'd be sittin' here talkin' to us.  But the only person I know for
sure wasn't in them was me, 'cause I was never there."

They all looked back at me, or more correctly at my right hand.  I'd
manually crushed my beer can to where it looked like roadkill.

Austin looked in my eyes, and knew.  "You did that once before, and I
remember the conversation.  I'd just told Rusty it was a good thing he
hadn't been at the poker game 'cause some of the participants were
victims.  I bet Rusty was next on the agenda."

Tears were running down my cheeks again.  "I can't talk about it!"

Then my face was buried in my arms on the table and I was crying my heart
out.

Rusty and Jason tightened their hugs, and within seconds two pairs of hands
gripped my forearms from across the table.  Then the last pair of hands
gripped my shoulders from behind.

It was Nate who spoke from behind me.  "Ya know, we keep talkin' about
victims, and Toby may be more of a victim than any of the rest of us.  He
knows all this shit he can't talk about, and he's probably seen things he
never shoulda seen.  And he's the one who's tryin' to help the rest of us.
It's time for us to help him."  Nate kissed me on the side of my head and
whispered in my ear, "I love you, Toby."

They all waited until I had it together again.  When I stood up, they
joined me, and we had a long group hug session.

Nate made it a point to give me a special hug.  "Thanks again for all
you've done for me.  And thanks for explaining about how you love Logan.  I
understand so much more about how I feel now.  He's as much a victim as the
rest of us.  I hope you can be there for him too, like the rest of us are
here for each other."

I gave him a kiss.  "Yer absolutely welcome, bro.  And thanks for wantin'
to help me out, too.  This discussion has been hard, but I think it's been
good for all of us."

Rusty knew what I would have said next, and said it for me.  "We all gotta
remember that what is said here goes no further.  Jace, ya gotta understand
it's not a secret organization, and we've all told our parents about it.
It's just the things we talk about that are private.  I'm so happy yer dad
got these shirts for us.  They are absolutely perfect.  Thank you, and be
sure to thank yer dad for all of us."

Jason beamed through his tears.  "Thanks, Rusty.  I'll do that."

Austin took over.  "Okay, now let's clean up a little, dry our tears, and
play some volleyball for a while."

************

Three on three volleyball was fun.  To balance the teams, Andy, Nate, and I
played against Austin, Jason, and Rusty.  After four games, we were tied,
and we decided to leave it that way.  We gathered around the table for
water and soft drinks.

Austin had an idea.  "We all play volleyball pretty well.  There's a winter
community volleyball league.  We could field a team.  We've only got the
basic six players, but it might be fun to do.  What do ya think?"

Nate spoke up.  "I think it's a great idea.  We'll need some volleyball
shorts to go with our shirts.  I bet Jace's dad could get us some with the
logo on it."

Jason smiled.  "I'll check with him, but I don't think it will be a
problem."

Rusty spoke up.  "If we're gonna request things like that, we gotta pay for
them ourselves."

Andy nodded in agreement.  "Jace, please see what yer dad can do for us,
but make sure he understands that we're payin' for these.  And like Toby
said, please thank him very much for the shirts.  It was a great idea."


*** If you enjoy this kind of story, please donate to Nifty to ensure that
this free resource can continue. ***