Date: Mon, 12 Feb 2024 15:16:07 -0500
From: ronyx@woh.rr.com
Subject: Seth on the Road to Chaos  Chapter 27

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Seth on the Road to Chaos    Chapter 27



Dad's car was parked two doors down from my house when I pulled into the
driveway. Before I got out, he had pulled in behind me. I got out and
walked up to him. I asked, "What do you want me to do?"

"It's up to you, Son," he replied. "I met you here in case you wanted
to come home with me. It's totally your call."

I gave him a confused look and replied, "You mean for tonight or like
move in with you?" We hadn't talked about it, so I wasn't sure what he
wanted me to do.

"Maybe for a few days," he said. "It sounded like you may need a break
from your mother and sister. I don't want to cause any problems. If you
feel comfortable here, then stay. I'm just offering you an
alternative."

I looked up at the kitchen window and saw my mother looking out at us. I
wasn't sure if she recognized that I was talking to Dad. I looked at him
and smiled. "I wouldn't mind getting away. I need a break. It will also
give us a chance to get to know each other better."

He patted my shoulder and responded, "Good. That's what I was hoping
you would say. Now, go get a few things. I'll wait here."

I grinned and said, "You don't want to come inside and meet Mommie
Dearest?"

"God, no!" he replied. "I'm fine waiting here." I told him I would
go pack a few things, and then I'd be back.

As soon as I entered the house, Mom angrily approached me. "What the
hell are you doing with THAT man?" She stressed the word that. I tried
to get around her, but she blocked me. "I asked you a question, Seth.
Answer me!"

I stood defiantly in front of her. "Just how long were you going to keep
it from me that Dad lives only fifteen minutes from here?"

She responded angrily, "I had my reasons."

"Oh, that's right," I answered sarcastically. "You were afraid he was
going to take Stacy away from you. It's always about Stacy, isn't it?"

Anger filled her face. "You little monster!" she spat. "Don't you
talk about your sister like that!"

I pushed past her and said, "I'm leaving."

She grabbed my arm and tried to stop me. "You're not going anywhere
with him!" I pulled my arm away, and for a split second, I considered
hitting her.

"I'm not staying here!" I replied angrily. I stormed to my room. Stacy
looked out at me.

"Mom?" she cried out. "What's going on?"

"Stay in your room, Stacy!" Mom hollered back. "Close your door and
stay there!"

I took out a duffle bag and two backpacks. I was crammed as many clothes
and shoes as I could into them. I wasn't sure how long I might stay with
Dad, but I wanted to take enough of my things in case Mom wouldn't let
me back in the house.

I had an armload of shirts when Mom entered my room. She closed the door
and stood by it and watched me continue to pack. "It doesn't have to be
this way, Seth," she said more calmly. "I don't want you to leave.
I'm really trying."

I looked over and glared at her. I then grabbed a few pairs of shoes and
shoved them into a bookbag. She walked over and sat on the edge of my
bed. "Marie came by today with Carol Reinhart. We talked about getting
Stacy professional help. I'm going to school tomorrow and withdraw her.
Carol is going to help me enroll her in an academy that deals with
students with behavioral problems."

I turned and asked, "And what about you? Are you going to get help
too?"

She stood and looked angrily at me. "There's nothing wrong with me,"
she stated adamantly.

"Oh really, Mother?" I asked sarcastically. "Then why am I leaving?"

"You're confused, Seth," she began to cry. "This gay thing has you
all messed up."

I began to laugh. "There's nothing wrong with me. This gay thing isn't
my problem." I walked over and faced her. "You're my problem. You and
Stacy. You've made my life hell living here."

"So, you're going to go live with a man who abandoned you ten years
ago?" she cried.

"He didn't abandon me," I replied angrily. "You kept him from me.
He's shown me in one day more love than you've given me in sixteen
years." I closed the duffle bag, and then I put my laptop computer, a
few video games and my schoolbooks inside the book bags. I picked them up
and trudged toward the door.

"Seth," she cried. "Don't go!"

I looked at her and replied, "It's too late, Mother. Goodbye." I
hurried down the hall with her following me closely. I thought she would
stop, but she followed me out to where Dad was standing.

"Jimmy!" she screamed. "You're not taking my boy from me! I'll call
the police!"

My father stepped up to her and insisted, "Seth is my son too. If he
wants to come home with me, he has every right to do so. You can't stop
him."

"Bastard!" spat my mother. "This is why I made you stay away. I knew
you would try to take them."

We turned when we heard Stacy hollering on the porch. "Mom! What is
going on?" My mother screamed for Stacy to go back inside and close the
door. Stacy took one last look and closed the door.

Dad looked at me and ordered, "Put your things in the car."

Mom hollered, "Seth, take them back to your room!"

I turned and looked at both of them. I had to make a decision that may
affect the rest of my life. Should I stay with my mother who has raised
me for sixteen years, or leave with a man I have only known for a few
hours? It was an easy decision. I opened my car trunk and dumped
everything inside.

My mother grabbed my father's arm and pleaded, "Don't do this Jimmy! I
love my son. Don't take him from me."

"I'm not taking him from you," my father replied. "I'm setting him
free." We watched as my mother sobbed hysterically. For a brief moment,
I felt sorry for her. She thought that she had done everything possible
to provide for me. And she had. The only thing that she couldn't provide
was the love of a mother. Stacy claimed all that.

I spoked almost inaudibly, "Goodbye, Mother." I turned and got in my
car. I looked in the rearview mirror as my mother continued to plead with
my father. Finally, he shook his head and got in his car. We backed out
of the driveway. I watched as my mother buried her head in her hands and
cried as she walked toward the house.

I was an emotional wreck on the way to my father's house. I was
wondering if I had made the right choice. I felt that I may have thrown
away the past sixteen years of my life. I had dreamed of leaving home.
However, now that I had been given the opportunity, I felt miserable.
Watching my mother fall completely apart haunted me.

She hadn't been a bad mother. She gave me almost everything I wanted. I
was the first of my friends to have a car. Of course, she had her reasons
for doing that. She wanted me to chauffer Stacy wherever she wanted to
go. I wore nice clothes, and she gave me her credit card to buy the
latest video games that I wanted. I had chores to do around the house,
but they weren't overwhelming. I did get mad when I had to do the dishes
after meals. Rarely did she tell Stacy to do them.

It was the emotional and mental turmoil that created all the chaos in my
life. I never felt that she nor my sister cared for me. I was just a
person who took up space, and at times, seemed to be in the way. I never
felt I belonged. But I had gotten used to it. I stayed alone in my room,
and I rarely interacted with them. After watching my mother's reaction
to my leaving, I think that she thought everything was alright. I didn't
complain, so I guess she was in the dark about how I felt. However, if
she had made more of an attempt to communicate with me, she would have
known. I might have even confided in her how I was feeling. I might also
have told her I was gay. However, her attention was always on Stacy. I
shouldn't feel guilty, but I do.

I parked out front of Dad's house because I didn't want to block him
from parking his car in the garage. I didn't know his schedule, and I
didn't want him waking me up in the middle of the night to move my car.
He came to my car and helped me carry my belongings into the house.

As we walked up the driveway, he asked, "Are you okay, Seth? That was
quite a scene with your mother."

I answered softly, "I'll be okay." He looked worriedly at me as we
entered the house.

"Let me show you your room," he said as I trailed behind him. He opened
the door to a small guest bedroom. It was nicely furnished, but it
didn't make me feel like it was a special place for me.  "Here it is,"
he smiled as he walked around the room. "Make yourself at home." I
threw my bags on the bed and sat atop it.

"Nice," I responded as I looked around. There wasn't a desk, so I
wondered where I could put my computer.

He walked over to a door and opened it. "You have your own bathroom,"
he said. "You won't have to share one with Emily." I nodded and
smiled. He looked at his watch. "It's getting late. I have to be at
work at six. I'm going downstairs and tell Holly what is going on." He
laughed and added, "I kind of sprung you on her today." He patted me on
my knee. "Unpack and then come downstairs before you go to bed. I'll
find you something to eat." He smiled and then left the room.

I sat on the side of the bed and looked around. Tears began to well up in
my eyes. The room was nice, but it wasn't home. I felt more alone here.
I know Dad was trying hard to make me feel wanted, but I still didn't
feel that. I felt like I had intruded in his life. I rose from the bed
and entered the bathroom. I stripped off my clothes and took a long
shower. However, no matter how hard I scrubbed myself, I couldn't wash
away the feelings I was experiencing. Chaos was creeping back into my
life again.

When I finished, I went back into the bedroom and rummaged through my bag
trying to find something I could wear downstairs. I decided on a tee
shirt and sweatpants. I put on my socks because I didn't know if they
would object to me walking around the house barefooted like I normally
do.

When I entered the family room, Dad was lying on the sofa with his head
in Holly's lap. She was stroking his hair as they watched television.
Emily sat in front of them on the floor. She was reading a book. I stood
unnoticed as I looked at them. They appeared to be a perfect family.
Again, sadness became overwhelming. I wondered if I would ever fit into
their world. They looked completely happy. I was afraid that I would just
be in the way.

Holly noticed me standing at the door and spoke. "Hello, Seth," she
said politely. "Come in and sit down." I looked around the room, and
then I walked over and sat in a recliner. It appeared to be worn, so I
assumed that it was Dad's chair.

Dad grunted and rose from the sofa. Holly began to laugh and said, "You
need to start going back to the gym, Old Man."

Dad started pounding his chest. "Old Man?" he asked. "You didn't say
that last night." Holly quickly looked down at Emily to see if she
understood his comment. Dad motioned for me to follow him into the
kitchen. "Come on, Seth," he smiled. "I promised you something to
eat." Holly asked if he wanted her to get it, but he told her to watch
the show. I trailed behind him into the kitchen.

He opened the refrigerator and took out some cold cuts and mayonnaise. He
then got some bread from the cabinet and began making us sandwiches. When
he got ready to spread the mayonnaise on the bread, he asked, "A lot or
a little?"

I shrugged my shoulders and replied, "A lot, I guess." He took out a
couple of sodas, and we sat down at the counter to eat.

He took a bite from his sandwich and asked, "So, what do you think?"

"About what?"

"Your room," he replied. "Is it okay?"

"Yeah, sure," I said rather unenthusiastically.

He reached out and gripped my arm. "Seth," he said. "I know this is a
rather sudden change in your life. I don't want you to feel trapped.
I'm not trying to disrupt your life." He squeezed my arm tighter. "I
only want what is best for you." He smiled and continued, "It is not my
intention to take you from your mother. I just felt after talking to you
today that you might need some space away from her and Stacy. I want to
provide you with that space. I would do it for any friend of mine."

I know he was trying to be kind, but his words cut my heart out. "Any
friend of mine." I wasn't a friend who needed a place to spend a day or
two to clear my head. I was his son. I am hurting, and I need his love.

I attempted a smile and replied, "Thanks." I picked up my sandwich and
asked him if I could go to my room. He gave me a puzzled look and then
told me to go get some sleep. He said we could talk more tomorrow when I
get out of school. I returned to the bedroom, lay across the bed and
cried myself to sleep.

No one was home when I went into the kitchen. I didn't know if I should
get something to eat. There wasn't a bowl or plate on the table for me.
I sat down and called Ty. I told him I would pick him up in fifteen
minutes. I went back to the bedroom and got my schoolbooks. On the way
out, I made sure to lock the door. However, I wondered what I would do if
I returned before Dad or Holly. I guess I would have to wait in my car
until they arrived.

Ty was waiting by the curb when I pulled up. He jumped in the car and
immediately started talking about Blake. "I called him this morning,"
he said. "He sounded pretty good. He said the tests they ran on him came
back negative. The doctor says he may get to leave later today or
tomorrow."

"That's great," I replied. Ty gave me a strange look when I didn't
say anything more.

He asked, "Are you okay, Seth?" I shrugged my shoulders and didn't
reply. He became more worried. "What's going on? After going home with
your dad last night, I thought you would be super happy. Isn't that what
you wanted?"

Tears welled up in my eyes. "I don't know." I looked over sadly and
asked, "You ever felt like you just don't belong anywhere?"

He gave me a puzzled look and replied, "No, not really. What's happened
Seth?"

"Nothing," I replied, "Just forget it." We drove in silence the rest
of the way to school. We entered the building and headed to the
cafeteria. We walked over to the table where Jennifer and Sherman were
sitting. They were arguing over a problem we had been assigned in
geometry. They got Ty and me involved, and we agreed with Sherman.

"You boys have to stick together," replied Jennifer sarcastically. She
pushed herself away from the table and scurried out of the cafeteria.

"What's wrong with her?" asked Ty? We started laughing when Sherman
replied that it must be that time of the month.

I jumped when someone clamped their hands on my shoulders. Craig started
laughing and told me to settle down. Ty scooted over, and Craig sat
between us. He asked Ty if he had talked to Blake, and they spent the
next few minutes talking. We agreed that we would meet after school and
go to the hospital.

Ty asked Craig, "What about football practice though? Do we have to wait
until you finish?"

Craig shook his head. "Naw," he replied somberly. "It's okay." He
then told us how he and his father had gotten into a rather heated
argument last night. His father insisted that he attend practice, but he
told his father he had more important things to do. When he asked him
what could be more important, Craig told him about Blake. He said his
father started ranting that visiting a faggot in the hospital wasn't
more important than football practice. Craig said he told his father that
he was quitting the team. His mother had to pull his father to their
bedroom so he wouldn't hit him. He said he could hear them arguing for
another hour.

I asked Craig, "Are you going to be alright not playing football?"

"Fuck yeah," he replied. "I've never liked playing. I only did it
because my father made me. After I got that concussion, I've been
thinking a lot about quitting. I don't want to end up some day a
vegetable because some lame ass decides to target me or do something else
stupid. I've read articles how a concussion can fuck your life up."

Sherman added, "It can also kill you."

"Damn straight," angrily replied Craig. "Let my Dad play. It's easy
for him to yell from the stands. But if I get hurt, he'll just tell me
to take it like a man. That's what he told me when I got hurt last week.
Take it like a fucking man." He puffed out his chest and mocked his
father. He told us he planned to talk to Coach Abernathy during lunch. He
told us he would tell us how he reacted during fifth period.

It surprised me during the day that no one said anything about what
happened Saturday night. It was as if no one cared. A few students
scowled at me and Craig when we entered the classroom. I guess they were
still upset about getting in trouble at the party.

Craig, however, seemed to be more upset than me. I didn't have a lot of
friends, so I usually didn't interact much with other students. Craig
was a popular athlete. He was used to being surrounded by admiring girls
and guys. Now, no one talked to him. His teammates avoided him. I noticed
him nod at a few in the hall, but they would look away. I guess since he
had made the decision to quit the team, they no longer wanted to be his
friend. I was worried if he would be able to accept not being the center
of attention around school.

He came in late to fifth period. He seemed upset as he plopped down
beside me. I wanted to ask if he was okay, but the teacher was going over
problems on the board. When he finished, he gave us a written assignment
and told us we could work together quietly on it until the bell.

I scooted my chair nearer to him. Roni scooted her chair beside me. "Can
I work with you guys?" I looked at Craig and he shrugged his shoulders.
I wanted to talk about his talk with Coach Abernathy, but I wasn't sure
if he wanted Roni to know what was going on.

Finally, I asked, "How did it go?"

Craig shrugged his shoulders and replied, "About like I expected. He was
mad as hell." Roni asked what was going on, and I told her about Craig
meeting his coach earlier to quit the team.

"Good for you, Craig," she replied enthusiastically. "I won't have to
worry about you getting hurt anymore." I told her I felt the same way.

He said somberly, "I just feel like I've let the team down. We spent so
much time together."

"But you said you hated it," I reminded him. "Look how they're
treating you now. If they cared about you, they would support you, not
turn their backs on you."

"Seth's right," remarked Roni. "It's times like this when you know
who your real friends are."

Craig looked at me and smiled. "Yeah," he replied. If we had not been
in a crowded classroom, we would have kissed each other. "Fuck them,"
he said. "I don't need them."

When the bell rang, we went to literature class. We met Ty outside the
door, and Craig briefly filled him in on what happed with Coach
Abernathy. Ty told him that he had made the right decision.

As I was going to my locker to put some books away, Amber approached me
with tears in her eyes. "Seth," she cried. "Do you know what has
happened to Blake?" I told her I did, and I briefly explained what had
happened to him. I also told her that I was on my way to see him in the
hospital. She wanted to ride with me, but I lied and told her that I had
a few other stops to make. She said she would probably see me later.

Ty and Craig were waiting for me when I arrived at my car. Craig gave me
a worried look when I approached. "Are you okay, Seth?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure," I replied. I asked them if they were ready to go visit
Blake. Ty got in the car, and Craig gave me a puzzled look before pulling
off.

We met in the lobby and headed up to Blake's room. To our surprise, the
room was filled with visitors. Aunt Marie and Uncle Steve were there. So
was Mr. Ellis and Mrs. Reinhart. There was also a man in a blue suit
standing against the wall I didn't recognize.

Blake's face lit up when we walked in. "Great news, Guys," he said
excitedly. "I may be getting out of this prison soon." We walked over
and hugged him tightly. He had tears in his eyes when we pulled away.

Aunt Marie informed us that Blake's doctor felt he was well enough to
leave. All his tests had come back negative. He hadn't received a
concussion when he was pushed into the car window. The gash on his
forehead and bruises would take time to heal, but he wasn't expected to
be permanently scarred. I looked at Ty, and he had a smile on his face.
We had talked a couple of times about Blake's appearance after the
incident. We were relieved that everything would be okay in a few weeks.

She also told us that Mrs. Reinhart was going to counsel Blake on what
had happened. She introduced Mr. Sherman who was a psychologist in her
office. She explained that he was an expert on family violence. She
wanted to be sure that Blake wasn't traumatized by what happened to him.

I was happy for Blake. I thought it was ironic that he was lying in a
hospital bed, yet his life had made a 180 degree turn from when I first
saw him weeks ago lying in a hospital bed. He would be living in a safe
home with Aunt Marie and Uncle Steve. He would never have to worry about
his cruel parents again. He would also never need to go to the warehouse
and sleep on a hard cardboard bed because he had nowhere else to go.

I looked at Ty, and he couldn't have been happier. He kept looking at
Blake and smiling. I know he was wishing that no one else was around so
he could kiss Blake. I should be jealous, but I'm not. Ty has been my
best friend since elementary school. Even though I had no idea he was gay
until recently, I was happy for him. He came out to his parents, and they
didn't reject him. Now he was free to start an open relationship with
Blake. Watching them looking at each other, I knew everything would be
okay.

I looked at Craig, and he was watching me with a worried look. He knows
something is troubling me, but how can I explain it to him. I love him,
but my life is such a mess right now. The chaos never leaves. Why can't
we be free to love each other? His father strongly objects to him being
gay. I doubt that will ever change. My mother hates him because she feels
he betrayed Stacy. If I return home, he'll never be welcomed there. It
just feels like our relationship is doomed before it even starts.

Tears began to well up in my eyes. Craig noticed and stepped over beside
me. I turned and fled the room. I was halfway down the hall when Craig
grabbed my arm and turned me towards him. He then leaned forward and
kissed me.

**********

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