Date: Fri, 27 Dec 2002 14:52:57 -0500
From: magic2312@msn.com
Subject: Steve and Jason 2

Sigh.its finally been half a year to the summer I been waiting for so long.
For your information this story is actually happened, but I am just giving
some details over the past few months after the first story.  It has just
been torture for me.  Me and Steve have, yes, been talking, but the
feelings that I felt is fading away and coming back.  Basically because I
haven't seen him for such a long time.

Eventually after the summer I found out something even worse.  Steve can
actually be related to me.  No!  why does this has to happen to me.  It is
actually a difficult family tree to explain.  Basically, Steve is the uncle
of my cousin, Ray.  Ray's mom is the sister of my dads.  Steve is cousins
with ray's dad.  But Steve is only 15.  We are no where near blood related,
but I guess we are related by law.

But the damage has been already done, what can I do about these feelings?
So. for the past few months I been avoiding him as hard I as could.  The
problems was that each time I miss a day not talking to him online or the
phone is the more I want to talk to him and be with him.  This has seems to
be getting worse and worse as my once fantasy shred and spit back tat me,
as memories of our happy moments actually haunting me.  I don't want to be
with him, I can't, how could I?  Later on I found out he has been going out
with his once ex- girlfriend.

They broke up over the summer, and had been going out since for like a
year.  In my mind I just see them so happy, laughing, talking on the phone,
teasing each other, cuddling one another, looking and seeing each other
with a passionate and warm embrace.  I never want to ruin there happiness,
never.  but I guess now I am just left alone.  Still though, we talk online
occasionally when he catches me online and says hey the first second he
signs online.

It was hard, but I finally manage to get the nerves to actually tell Steve
that I was gay.  He was speechless at first few minutes, but he accepted me
either way, because he says we are family, rite?  From that moment on I
tried to see him only as family and a good friend, at best.  But still this
doesn't ignore that the fact that I miss him.  I really want to talk to him
in person.  But most of the time, Ray or his mom doesn't want me to follow
them when they go over Steve's house, cause they don't want me to bother
their side of the family.  Isn't a Chinese family just funny that way.  O
yeah, I forgot to tell you, I am Chinese.

I also told Steve about the times when I got really depressed and tried to
kill myself a few times, but couldn't.  He really cared for me and tried to
help me with my problems.  Steve was always there for me and I love him for
that, but only as a friend.  Since my Steve was obviously straight and
family, I tried to look for another person.  But how could I?  Steve was
actually a perfect person to me, if I wanted to be someone else, I would
want to be Steve.  Then one day. when I was walking down the hallways at
school, I thought I saw Steve.  I was staring at the poor fellow, when I
finally found out it was just a freshman.  But even though he was not
Chinese he had that Steveish glow that I loved so much, he was a Caucasian
with blondish brown hair, around Steve's height and body frame.

God he was cute.  From then on I notice I actually see him more often
around the halls from then on.  I also see him giving me a quick glance and
that look that Steve could only do.  Can I actually fall in love all over
again with a person that just seems to be a recarnation of Steve.  He was
almost god sent.  Now, I am actually a popular person even though everybody
in my school now knows that I am gay, but all the girls knows, not the
guys.  I eventually found out the God sent cutie that looks like Steve was
called Bobby Harold, or I think it is for now.  Right now I am not sure,
but I can always see him at wrestling practice and I can ask people to make
sure.

For a popular Chinese kid, I am a very social person.  I can talk to
anybody, but for some reason, when I come close to this kid, I am like
speechless or shady bout the whole thing.  I am not sure if I like the eye
candy kid that resemble Steve or it is just that I can't get over Steve,
but God I am trying so hard.  Why can't I just have person that love me and
I can love back, and no one cares about our relationship at all, I just
want to be with my love of my life.  I don't care about sex (but it is a
plus), money, fame, or anything, but just one thing, love...


sorry this isn't a sexy story, but I am at the stage where I can't find who
I actually love and can't find that love to come back in return.  The next
story is going come this summer, hope I can figure things out from there.

If you want to comment my story my email is www.magic2312@msn.com.  Don't
worry I like emails