The Circle Squared

"Alex," I heard him say.

"Tobes!" I cried out in that mix of joy and sorrow thoughts of him always brought.

"Oh, my love," Toby said, so sadly that it broke my heart.

What I felt then, I could only compare to profound sorrow. It was as deep as the soul-crushing despair I had felt upon learning of his death.

And I knew.

There was a long silence as light and color and shapes took form around me.

"I'm sorry," I offered sincerely, but knowing that it was nearly meaningless.

"There's nothin' I can do, ya know."

"I know."

His little private glen grew distinct and clear before me. I could smell the grass, the running water, the trees, the flowers. I could hear the birds and the cicadas in the trees, the frogs, the creek. I could feel the warm sunlight, the cool, gentle breeze, my heart breaking.

He was as clear and distinct, as handsome and healthy as my most perfect memory of him.

He sighed profoundly, smiled gently. Even that small, faked smile lifted my emotions.

"Why?"

"I had to come. This one last time. I had to know."

There was a long silence between us as we looked longingly at each other.

"And do you now?" he asked slowly, gently, a sort of sad smile on his lips and in his eyes.

I looked around us. I saw the sights, I smelled the scents, I heard the sounds, I tasted the air, I felt the sensations.

I felt the emotions. I was filled with the love and completeness I had always felt with him. I felt a sense of finality, too. And peace emanating from our surroundings. And chaos enveloping my own. And some sadness at what feeling anything meant. And joy for what it also meant. And fear. Trepidation. Awe.

No hesitation, "Yes."