This is the sequel to Dance of the Wicked Boys. It is not imperative that you read the first novel before reading this one as I have included enough hints throughout the first chapter as to what happened before that a new reader will not be completely lost. However, I would hope you would read the first one as it will help you understand the motivations and the feelings of the characters in the sequel. The story takes place in 1970, so the descriptions of New York City, Times Square, and the drive from New York City to the Hamptons may not seem accurate for a contemporary story, but show the way it was forty-four years ago. Times Square wasn't always a Disney Theme Park. Also, the use of anachronistic terms such as “Negro” or “colored” represent the thinking and ways of speaking of the America of 1970 and in no way are intended to be disrespectful to African-Americans. One of the themes of this story is opposition to bigotry and prejudice! Further, there may be things and ways of thinking regarding sex and intergenerational relations that many today would find abhorrent, but which, once again, reflect the way things were in 1970 rather than today. SPOILER: no adult men have sex with underage boys in this story, though it might seem that such might happen. However, the story does explore the feelings and the anguish such desires might engender.
Ballet Academy of America and Ballet of America are fictional entities and any resemblance to existing institutions is purely coincidental. Greensburg is a fictional city.
DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER! This story may contain scenes of sexual activity between underage males. If it may be illegal for you for read this in your jurisdiction or if you are offended by the subject matter of this story, please read no further. I would be very grateful to hear from you about my story. Please write to me at:
frthnkr1957nifty <at> gmail <dot> com
And PLEASE contribute to Nifty! This is an invaluable resource for the GLBTQ community and a bastion in the fight for Internet freedom and Free Speech!
Act
Two- The Dance of the Wicked Boys
by
FreeThinker
Chapter Two
Teddy Cochran stepped into his study, his sanctuary, his refuge from the chaos and discord of the outside world, and closed the door behind him, sighing with relief. He looked around with a smile and strolled over to a liquor cabinet at the side of the room, poured a little of the twenty-five year-old Macallan, and placed an album of Stefan Askanase playing Chopin nocturnes on the stereo, turned it down low, and stepped over to his desk. He sat in his leather chair and sipped his Scotch as he looked over the desk.
On the far right corner was a pink Princess telephone, behind the typewriter were several reference books, and on the far left corner was a framed color photograph of a man in his mid-thirties and a curly-haired boy of twelve. They were shirtless with the Atlantic Ocean behind them. Both were smiling and Teddy felt a sudden catch in his throat looking at the two people who meant most to him in the world. That glorious afternoon on the beach in The Hamptons with Alistair and Rafael had been one of the most glorious of his life. To see such happiness on the face of the usually angry and distrustful twelve year-old had brought tears to Teddy's eyes that day and to see Alistair's genuine smile, not the one he normally presented for the world, restored his faith that the great man was actually human. It was hard to believe that that picture was three years-old. It seemed to Teddy that it had been taken only a few weeks before. How could Rafael already be fifteen? He was growing up too fast. In a flash, if he survived and didn't do something stupid, Rafael was going to be a man, traveling the world with Ballet of America and being acclaimed by all. But, to Teddy, he was always going to be that damaged, frightened, angry little boy escaping his life in Greensburg.
Teddy reached for the pink Princess telephone. He took another sip of his single malt and dialed a telephone number in the Rhinelander exchange across Central Park from his apartment. A moment later, after the clicks and whirrs, the call was answered before the first ring ended with a crisp, commanding, “Mountjoy!”
“Alistair! Darling! Were you absolutely sitting on the telephone awaiting my call?”
“I was! Where the hell is my houseboy! I have needs!”
“Flying on the wings of eagles back to your penthouse aerie.”
“Good. I was afraid you had kidnapped him and were forcing him to tend to your vile and perverted desires.”
“Oh, I tried, but Geoffrey is as loyal to his master as a golden retriever.”
“You've been drinking,” Alistair remarked.
“Well, of course, dear. I'm alive, aren't I?” Teddy replied.
“You're mixing your metaphors.”
“I am not,” Teddy replied defensively. “An eagle can carry a golden retriever if said retriever is a pup—and Geoffrey is certainly very pup-like.”
“Yes, he is. He is quite beautiful.”
“And, those curls!” Teddy cried. “I almost swooned when I saw him. How's his anus?”
“Delectable. How was your flight?”
“Detestable. We were delayed absolutely for days by the rain over New York. I was trapped on the plane with nothing to entertain me but a novel by Dickey about the perverted desires of inbred hillbillies. And, the boys were of no help. Our fascist jail guards wouldn't let them dance in the aisle. I thought Rafael was going to crawl out of his skin with boredom.”
Alistair chuckled and said, “Your life is a living hell.”
“It is. It is,” Teddy replied.
“So, how is Rafi?” Alistair asked.
“Deliriously in love.”
Teddy could hear Alistair sigh into the telephone before the man replied, “Oh, Teddy. I love Rafael like a son. I really do, but you must have a talk with that boy. I cannot give him what he needs! I can't.”
“Well, I'll be sure to pass that on to him. However, far though it be from me to question your august Jovian magnificence, it's not you with whom Rafael is in love.”
There was a pause on the line before Alistair responded with a confused, “I beg your pardon?”
Teddy grinned and said, “You are not the object of Rafael's affection. Well, he does indeed love you and would walk over his mother to share your bed, but the person with whom Rafael is deliriously in love is Jeremy.”
“I beg your pardon?”
Teddy frowned and asked, “Alistair, do we have a bad connection?”
“Teddy, Rafael is in love with Jeremy? With Jeremy?”
“Yes, dear. I know it's hard to believe that you might not be the center of absolutely everyone's universe, but Rafael is in love with Jeremy. And the feelings are reciprocated.”
“But...but...Jeremy? He's twelve!”
“Very good, Alistair. You've read his file!”
“Teddy, quit being an ass! You know what I mean. Rafael's not into younger boys. He's into older boys and men who will dominate him.”
“Well, he's certainly into Jeremy and Jeremy certainly seems to be into Rafael,” Teddy replied adding parenthetically, “Dear, what a horrible misuse of the English language.”
“Well, I'm not at all certain I approve.”
“And, why not?” Teddy asked with surprise. “You can't accept that someone in your circle has feelings of love for one who is not you?”
“If I didn't still love you, you drunken fool, I'd tell you to go to Hell. No. The reason I'm dubious about this relationship is that Jeremy is twelve and Rafael... Rafael has never been twelve.”
“Alistair,” Teddy asked with shock, “you aren't suggesting that Rafael would be a bad influence on Jeremy, are you?”
“Well, Teddy, you have to admit that Rafael is a lot more experienced than Jeremy. Jeremy is naive and innocent and Rafael is very...not. Jeremy is sweet...”
“...and his excretions smell of the fragrant lilac in the first bloom of spring,” Teddy interrupted with irritation. “Alistair, you've never even met Jeremy. How can you know what kind of boy he is beyond the reports you've received that he's the reincarnation of Vaslav Nijinsky?”
“Anna Pulchova writes to me and says he's innocent and naïve and she threatens me with all kinds of Russian Orthodox voodoo curses if I allow any harm to come to him.”
“I don't think the Russian Orthodox Church practices voodoo.”
“Teddy, you know I love Rafael, but you have to admit that he's been up and down the turnpike a time or two.”
“Alistair! You've ridden Rafael up and down the turnpike a time or two.”
There was no response on the other end of the line and Teddy smiled with triumph.
“You thought I didn't know. Rafael doesn't know that I know you've slept with him. I don't approve, Alistair, but I haven't said anything because you've had such a wonderful influence on him, showing him that love doesn't have to be abusive and that it's possible to trust other people. But, I will not allow you to question Rafael's morality or intentions.”
“I'm not,” Alistair replied in a chastened voice. He sighed heavily and said, “I don't think Rafael would ever hurt another person deliberately, but Rafael merely being Rafael could expose Jeremy to things he's not ready for. Don't you think so?”
“Alistair, Jeremy attending your ballet school will expose him to things he's not ready for. Hell, do you have any idea what goes on in the showers there? My God, they make Caligula's orgies look like Quaker Meetings.”
“Usually at your nephew's instigation.”
Teddy took a deep drink of his Macallan and said, “Alistair, if you could have heard the anguish in Rafael's voice on the phone last week when he called me about this very subject, or when we discussed this on the plane, you would realize you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Rafael is devoted to Jeremy. Absolutely devoted to him. He dotes on him like a mother hen and it wouldn't surprise me if he erects a twelve-foot perimeter around the boy this week to protect him from you and all the deviants and perverts you've invited.”
“You're the only deviant I've invited,” Alistair replied, “if you don't count Jonathan Durham and the half-dozen or so dancers from the academy and the company who are coming.”
Teddy sighed and said, “Really, Alistair. I know what you're concerned about, but you have nothing to fear. Rafael knows Jeremy is twelve and he knows that Jeremy has far less experience than he. However, I can assure you there is no one better suited to protect Jeremy from all the dangers of our little bit of the world here. Trust me on this.”
“All right, Teddy. You know I love Rafi and I'm just looking out for Jeremy. And, you should know that Rafael is the only student who’s ever been in my bed, and that was only once and a mistake.”
“Yes, I'm sure,” Teddy replied. He took a sip of his Scotch and said, “Sometimes, I wonder if you actually believe this image of the Great Ballet God that you present to the outside world.”
“Sometimes, I wonder that.”
Teddy nodded and asked softly, “Alistair, I can't help but notice you're listening to Barber's Adagio for Strings and you seem to have it on repeat. What's wrong tonight?”
Alistair sighed and replied, “Oh, Teddy. Just the usual demons.”
Teddy shook his head and said, “You and Rafael with the demons. At least when Rafael's attacked by his, he dances.”
Alistair sighed and said, “I just drink and fuck Geoffrey.”
Teddy frowned and set his glass on the desk. “Alistair, your father's dead. He can't hurt you anymore. You're free of him.”
“I'll never be free of him. I'm a dancer because he made me a dancer. I run the ballet school he founded. I direct the company he created. I will always live in his shadow, Teddy. Always. And, like Rafi and his stepfather, I'm sexually driven because he fucked me every night for more than a decade.”
He took a deep breath and added, “If the world only knew the real Alistair Mountjoy...”
“Rafi says the same thing and I will say the same thing to you, Alistair, which is the same thing you say to him. Your father does not define you, Alistair, anymore than Stephen Hampton defines Rafael.”
Alistair sighed heavily and replied, “I know. I know. And, yet... he does. I think this is why I understand Rafi so well. God, maybe I should give him what he wants. Maybe we were made for each other.”
“He loves you, Alistair, but...”
“I know. Perhaps when he's older and understands the world better.”
After a long moment of silence, Teddy finally said, “I'm looking forward to seeing you this weekend, Ally.”
“And I, you.”
“Well, there's more of me to see now,” Teddy replied, returning to his jovially flippant demeanor.
“So, tell me about Jeremy,” Alistair said.
Teddy raised an eyebrow and replied, “Well, he is devoted to ballet. He was aghast to learn that we don't have room here at the apartment to practice. And, Alistair, you should have seen him when Geoffrey stopped at Ballet Centre on the way home. He and Rafael stood on the sidewalk and Jeremy actually cried, he was so moved.”
“Really?” Alistair replied. “How... sweet. I think I will enjoy meeting him.”
“And, he almost had a heart attack when Geoffrey told us about this weekend. Rafael had to talk him out of jumping out the window. He is afraid he won't be perfect for you.”
“Didn't Rafael tell him I'll be working with him one-on-one?”
“Oh, yes. That was how he got him to relax. Jeremy is obsessed with perfection.”
“That can be a good thing...”
“...or it cannot.”
“Yes. Well, either way, I'll work with him and take him under my wing for a bit.”
“Yes, about that...”
“Teddy, don't insult me by asking what you're about to ask.”
Teddy took a deep breath and replied, “All right.”
“We're going to have a nice weekend, Teddy. I want everyone to be happy.”
“Good. I will behave myself.”
“And, speaking of behaving badly,” Alistair said with a lilt in his voice, “why don't you invite your little entourage, your Things for Friday night. I won't have room at the house for them to stay over, but it would be nice to have them at the party. The guests usually find them entertaining, at least when they're not turning fellatio into performance art by the pool.”
Teddy chuckled and said, “I'll have a talk with them. They have a place in Cherry Grove this month, so they're not far. I know they'll love to come, though I will warn them to keep their hands off Geoffrey.”
“Oh, thank you. I don't want to lose this houseboy. I have him trained just right, now.”
Teddy laughed and asked, “When are you going out to the house?”
“Tomorrow. I have a meeting with a few members of the board in the morning, which I'm not looking forward to. We're talking about tawdry things like money and paying bills and such. Geoffrey will drive me out in the afternoon. Will Rafael and Jeremy be practicing tomorrow?”
“Yes, in the morning.”
“I may look in on them.”
“Be careful not to give Jeremy a heart attack.”
Alistair laughed and said, “Don't worry. I know how to handle a nervous boy.”
“Yes, I'm sure you do,” Teddy replied dryly.
“Oh, Teddy,” Alistair quickly added. “I have a surprise for Rafael this weekend. Jonathan and I have finally finished The Gazelle and I want Rafi to perform it for the September Spotlight. I'm introducing it to him this weekend.”
“Oh, Alistair, he will be so thrilled,” Teddy replied happily. “He knows you've been working on it.”
“He does? Damn it, who told him?”
“Anna Pulchova, but he thinks it's for his Spring Workshop when he's eighteen.”
“Ah, well, that's not so bad, but I was looking forward to seeing the expression on his face when I told him everything. I want him to know how much I think of his dancing.”
“He will be so happy, Alistair. The only thing that would make him happier is if you and he became lovers.”
“In a way, we are. I love Rafael. I just can't make that ultimate commitment to him.”
“I know.”
They exchanged their love and their good-byes and Teddy hung up the telephone. Setting it back on the desk, he sat back in his chair, sipped his Scotch and looked at the photograph. Normally, he felt better after a talk with Alistair, but not tonight. In fact, he felt distinctly unsettled. With a frown, he turned his eyes from the picture. He couldn't look at Alistair and Rafael together in the same photograph at that moment.
He took a long gulp of Scotch and then rose from his chair.
--o-0-o--
“Calling out around the world! Are you ready for a brand new beat? Summer's here and the time is right for dancing in the street!”
The boys were standing at the kitchen counter making sandwiches next to the radio when Cousin Brucie on WABC announced a “golden oldie” from six summers before. Rafael screeched and spun around as “Dancing in the Street” began. Jeremy was startled by the older boy's sudden reaction, but then grinned and laughed as Rafael began to dance and sing along with Martha and the Vandellas.
“Dancing in Chicago (dancing in the street), down in New Orleans (dancing in the street)...
The boys raised their arms in the air and joined in when they sang “In New York City,” and Jeremy finally joined Rafael in dancing along and singing. He grinned swinging and swaying and watching the joy on Rafael's face as the older boy laughed and sang, working his hips and arms to the infectious rhythm of the song. Rafael looked so beautiful, his curls falling about, his body swaying and rocking, his eyes laughing so happily, that Jeremy felt himself grow hard with love and lust for the gorgeous teenager. When the song came to an end and was replaced by a commercial for Doublemint gum, Rafael dropped his arms on Jeremy's shoulders and grinned in his face.
“We need to turn the radio off or we'll never finish the sandwiches.”
Jeremy giggled and nodded.
“You know, I could never have done this back home.”
“Done what?” Rafael asked as he returned to the sandwiches. “Dance?”
Jeremy nodded. “At least not the way we were, to a song on the radio. They'd have thought I was queer.”
“But, you are,” Rafael replied with a grin.
Jeremy frowned and softly said, “Yeah, I guess, but it would have made things a lot harder for me.”
Rafael frowned with confusion. “I thought your brother told you Friday that your parents were proud of you.”
“He did and they were,” Jeremy replied. “But, they were still disappointed that I went after ballet instead of baseball or football. And, if they really thought I was queer... well, I don't know what they would have done.”
“But, Brian said your father knew and said that they all had to accept it,” Rafael responded, turning toward Jeremy.
Jeremy sighed and said, “I don't know if he was telling the truth. He could have just been trying to make me feel better. I heard Dad tell Mr. Barnett that he thought I was a queer and there was nothing he could do about it. You don't know what its like, Rafael, to have a Dad who's revolted by you. I mean, I know your stepfather was awful to you, but I loved my father and I know he was disappointed and disgusted with me.”
“But, Jeremy, they were going to send you to New York to train at Ballet Academy of America. That doesn't sound like they were disgusted to me.”
Jeremy shrugged and said, “They loved me and they wanted me to be happy, but they only went along with it because people said I was so good. If I hadn't been as good a dancer as I am, Dad would never have gone along with it. That's why I have to be the best. I have to make up for my parents being so disappointed in me.”
Rafael put down the knife he was using to spread the mustard on the sandwiches. He faced the boy and said emotionally, “Jeremy, you cannot live someone else's life. You can only live your own. Maybe your parents would have preferred you play sports instead of train to dance, but you can't live someone else's life. You have to follow your dream. Your dream.”
“But, I loved my parents and I wanted them to be proud of me,” Jeremy replied with his voice catching.
“And, they were. Brian said so and they wouldn't have decided to send you to the Summer Intensive at Ballet Academy if they weren't proud of you,” Rafael said. “You have to live your life, Jeremy, your own way. You almost killed yourself when you couldn't dance this summer. You are a dancer, Jeremy. That's who you are. If they loved you, they wouldn't have wanted you to be someone you're not. They loved you and it appears to me that they accepted you as a dancer. And, it sounds to me like they might have known you were gay and still loved you.”
Jeremy's eyes were moist and he looked down. Rafael wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly as Jeremy's restraint broke and he began to sob. The older boy held him tightly and gently kissed the top of his head, whispering, “It's okay, Jeremy. Let it out. Let it all out.”
Teddy appeared at the door of the kitchen and his eyes met Rafael's while the teenager held the younger boy. Slowly, he approached and wrapped his arms around both boys, causing Jeremy's sobs to gradually subside. The man handed him a handkerchief and Jeremy wiped his eyes and nose as Rafael stepped back and returned to the sandwiches. Teddy smiled down at Jeremy and kissed his forehead.
“Do you feel better now?”
Blushing deeply, Jeremy nodded and said, “I'm sorry I act like such a crybaby.”
“You don't act like a crybaby,” Teddy replied as he pulled a chair out from the table for the boy. “You act like a boy who dearly loved his parents and has experienced a deep and painful loss. But, as the philosopher said, 'That which does not kill me makes me stronger.' You will come out of all this, Jeremy, a much stronger young man and a better person. Because you have experienced such loss, you will be a more compassionate and sympathetic person. You'll be all right, Jeremy.”
The boy smiled sadly and nodded as Rafael turned around with his platter of sandwiches. He set them in the center of the table as Teddy sat down across from him. “So, how was Alistair?” he asked.
Teddy frowned and replied, “He was listening to Barber's Adagio for Strings.”
“Oh, dear,” Rafael muttered. He reached into a cabinet for plates and glasses and asked, “What's the matter?”
“Oh, I suppose the usual 'It's lonely at the top' sort of thing.”
Rafael turned around and set the plates on the table with frustration, declaring, “He doesn't have to be alone. Everyone and their mothers love him. I love him! What am I, chopped liver?”
Softly, Teddy said, “Rafi, you really must quit tormenting Alistair about that. You know he can't be your lover. You have to let that go, at least until you're an adult. If you really loved him, you would.”
Rafael sighed and turned. He filled the glasses with tap water and heard Jeremy say, “Rafael, I know I'm not Alistair Mountjoy, but I love you and I'll do whatever I can to make you happy.”
Rafael looked down at the sink with shame until he had filled the three glasses. He turned and set them on the table at each place and then turned to Jeremy.
“I don't deserve you, Jeremy. I do love you. I love you more than you'll ever know. Yes, I love Alistair, but it's different. I don't know how, but it is. But, I love you, too; more, deeper. I love you. It's all weird and different and confusing and I really don't understand it, so how can I expect anyone else to? But I love you, Jeremy.”
The boy smiled and Rafael placed napkins by each plate as the boy and the man placed sandwiches on their plates. Teddy started to take a bite, but froze when he saw Jeremy silently lower his head and pray. When the boy was finished Teddy and Rafael each proceeded to eat.
“So, what's wrong with The Barber’s Adagio?” Jeremy asked.
“It's Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings,” Rafael said. “Have you ever heard it?”
Jeremy shrugged and replied, “I don't know.”
“Well, it's a very sad and melancholy piece of music and it means a lot to Alistair. He always listens to it when he needs to cry.”
“Alistair Mountjoy cries?” Jeremy asked in surprise.
“Yes,” Teddy replied. “The Great Mountjoy is human.”
Jeremy pressed his lips together thoughtfully as Teddy watched him.
“Many years ago,” he explained, “when Alistair had just left Ballet Academy and joined the Corps de Ballet of his father's company, a friend of his set him up on a blind date with a sophomore English Lit major from Columbia University. Well, they met at a small Italian place off Broadway, but the dinner didn't go well. Neither of them seemed to have anything in common with the other and toward the end, Alistair suggested they just accept the inevitable and go their own ways. Well, his date had tickets to a concert at City Center and begged him to at least attend with him and enjoy the beautiful music. So, Alistair relented. The concert wasn't very memorable except for the final piece, which was Samuel Barber's new work, his Adagio for Strings. Well, Alistair had gone through a lot of trauma during the previous few years and the music touched something deep within. He started sobbing uncontrollably, which was and is something Alistair never did or does in public, and when he turned his head, he found the sophomore from Columbia was sobbing, as well.”
He stopped and Jeremy softly asked, “You were his date?”
Teddy nodded and added, “It was the first time Alistair fell in love with someone who wasn't absolutely beautiful...or absolutely twelve.”
Jeremy looked at him with shock and Rafael shot him an angry look. Teddy smiled apologetically and said, “Just kidding. That was an inside joke.”
Jeremy nodded, though he glanced at Rafael for confirmation. However, Rafael seemed upset as he inspected his sandwich. Jeremy decided to eat and not bring it up again.
After a moment of silently eating, Rafael finally looked up and asked, “Teddy, do you remember what we talked about last night, about where Audrey Hepburn wanted to have breakfast?”
“Yes, dear, I do,” Teddy replied with a smile.
“Do you think you could take care of that for me tomorrow? I know I'll be down in that area, but I won't have time to get over there.”
“I would be delighted to,” Teddy replied happily.
Jeremy grinned shyly and asked, “So, what are you getting me at Tiffany's?”
Rafael looked at Jeremy with shock and consternation and the boy giggled. “What? You think I've never seen Breakfast at Tiffany's?”
“You see?” Teddy exclaimed, leaning forward. “I told you he was queer, but would you listen? Nooo!”
Rafael shook his head and sighed as Jeremy added apologetically, “My parents did let me stay up and watch Saturday Night at the Movies sometimes. George Peppard is sexy.”
“Yes,” Rafael replied as he rolled his eyes.
Jeremy repeated, “So, what are you getting me?”
Rafael scowled and replied, “A gold cock ring and silver nipple clamps.”
“What?”
“Rafael!” Teddy scolded. “The poor boy's only twelve! At least wait until he's thirteen!”
Rafael sighed and said, “Well, you've ruined my surprise, so you'll just have to wait until I decide to give it to you.”
“So, it's a single thing,” Jeremy responded thoughtfully, though he added nervously, “It's not an engagement ring, is it?”
“What?” Rafael responded.
Jeremy blushed and said, “Well, I don't know what gay guys do when they love each other.”
Rafael nodded and smiled. “I understand. No, it's not an engagement ring, but you'll just have to wait until I decide it's the appropriate time to give it to you.”
Jeremy smiled at him and whispered, “I love you.”
“Yeah, me too,” Rafael replied wearily.
“What? You love you, too?” Jeremy asked with a grin.
“No, dummy,” Rafael replied in the same way Jeremy had earlier. “I love you!”
Jeremy giggled and seemed happy the conversation had moved on from heavy topics.
The three resumed eating their sandwiches as Rafael and Teddy traded gossip about events over the summer until their sandwiches were gone. Teddy rose and declared, “Since you two wonderful boys worked so hard to prepare our little repast, I shall clean up and let the two of you retire to the hymeneal chamber.”
Rafael grinned as he replied, “Jeremy's the one who worked hard. Jeremy's always hard.”
“I am not!” the boy cried with outrage. “You are!”
“Am not! You are!”
“No! You are!”
“Girls! Girls! Settle down or I may have to take the cane to both of you!” Teddy cried.
Rafael grinned. He stood up and Jeremy howled and pointed to the front of the teenager's shorts.
“Look! Rafael's got a boner! Boner Boy! Boner Boy!”
“Get out before I swat your butt!” Rafael warned.
Jeremy stuck his tongue out and giggled before he hugged Teddy tightly.
“Thank you for everything, Teddy. I'm so grateful you let me come live with you.”
“Well, thank you for coming and brightening our otherwise dreary home.”
“Hey!” Rafael cried. “Once again, what am I? Chopped liver?”
“No,” Jeremy replied with a mischievous grin. “You're a big, long wiener!”
He ran out of the kitchen singing, “Wiener Boy! Wiener Boy!”
Rafael smiled as the boy disappeared and Teddy raised an eyebrow at him.
“He's twelve,” Rafael muttered with a blush.
Teddy began to clear the table and replied with a grin. “Yes, he is, which is something I'd like to talk to you about.”
Rafael looked at him and said, “Yes?”
Teddy inhaled and said, “Alistair is concerned.”
“Because I'm fifteen and Jeremy's twelve?”
Teddy nodded and Rafael asked with irritation, “He thinks I'm going to be a bad influence on him?”
Teddy shrugged as he carried the dishes to the sink. “He thinks you've never been twelve and may expose Jeremy to things he's not ready for yet.”
“This is the very thing I was worried about earlier,” Rafael exclaimed. “I don't want to hurt Jeremy. I would never do anything to hurt him. I was concerned about that, but you said I had nothing to worry about. I like that Jeremy's twelve. I like that he's naïve and inexperienced and good and decent. I don't want to spoil that. I want him to enjoy being twelve for as long as he can. I'm not going to push him.”
“That's what I told Alistair,” Teddy replied. “I told him he had nothing to worry about.”
“What business is it of his, anyway?” Rafael demanded. “Is he afraid I'll get in his way when he puts the moves on Jeremy?”
“He's not going to do that!” Teddy exclaimed.
Rafael sighed and looked away before he replied, “Yeah, I know. Alistair doesn't do stuff with his students. He's fucked every dancer in New York, but he doesn't do it with his students. If he was going to, though, Jeremy is exactly the kind of boy he would go for. But, you’re right, he doesn't have relationships with his students.”
Teddy took a deep breath and softly said, “He has a relationship with you.”
Rafael looked him in the eye for a moment before he replied, “I was referring to a sexual relationship.”
“So was I.”
Rafael blushed and then looked away. Softly, he asked, “How did you know?”
Teddy smiled sadly and replied, “Rafi, I'm not stupid. I knew it when you slept with him. I don't approve, but I know how you are and I know that Alistair has had a marvelous influence on you, so I've not said anything. I don't want Alistair going after Jeremy, though, anymore than you do. However, I know that he can be a wonderful guide and friend to the boy. I will speak with him while we're in Amagansett. You needn't worry about Jeremy in that respect.”
Rafael sighed and said, “Maybe I do. He took one look at Alistair's poster in my bedroom and almost swooned.”
Teddy rolled his eyes and said, “Yes, Alistair does seem to have that effect on people, damn him.”
“And, as for me pushing Jeremy toward things he's not ready for, I may not have much choice in that matter. His hormones are kicking in and Jeremy is a very determined guy. In case you haven't noticed, he's can be a bullheaded little bastard.”
“Yes, I can imagine,” Teddy replied. “We just don't want to contribute more than we have to to the Moral Degeneration of Jeremy Fenwick.”
Rafael stared at the floor for a long moment and then asked, “Are you angry with me?”
Teddy smiled and said, “I can't be angry with you, Rafael. You've been through hell and you've emerged as a kind and decent boy, gifted and brilliant and loving. I can put a stop to anything that I fear will harm you, but I would like to see you refrain from sleeping with Alistair for a while. And, I can assure you that Alistair will not be sleeping with Jeremy. My fear for the boy is more about the other dancers at Ballet Academy and all the hangers-on who follow the danseurs at the school and the company. I know I promised Jane McCoy that I would protect her nephew, but I must say that I do worry. You know how to protect yourself; he doesn't. Then again, he may need to be thrown to the wolves before he learns to survive in this little corner of the world.”
“I'll protect him the best I can,” Rafael said.
“I know you will and I'll help the best I can.”
Rafael smiled and said, “You know, you do your best to come off radical and scandalous when you're really just a boring, conventional old...”
“Watch it, young man!” Teddy warned with a grin. “I can still put my hands on that cane if need be!”
Rafael grinned and turned as Teddy said, “Have a wonderful night, Rafael, and love that boy. He needs it. Take care of him.”
“I will,” the teenager replied. Thank you, Teddy. I love you.”
“I love you, too, Rafi.”
But, when the boy was gone, Teddy sniffed before turning back to the sink.
“Damn it,” he whimpered to himself.
--o-0-o--
“You're the sexiest dick in New York!”
Jeremy stood naked in the bedroom he would now be sharing with Rafael and smiled down at his short but thick erection as it bobbed stiffly before him and pointed slightly upward. It seemed to agree with him, the way it pulsed and bounced happily. He glanced at the clock and wondered why Rafael was taking so long to come back to the bedroom. He was certain the teenager was discussing him with Teddy and he wondered what it could be about. It didn't matter, though. Rafael loved him and now Jeremy was certain that Teddy did as well. Thinking of the chubby blond man, he felt a slight surge in his penis. It had felt so nice to be held by him and with these new sexual feelings exploding within, he wondered if Teddy might want to do it with him. The way he and Rafael spoke so easily about sex, it seemed to Jeremy that they were constantly having sex with anyone who would look at them.
He frowned. His parents would be horrified if they knew that this was the environment in which their youngest son was now living. Jeremy stood beside the bed and closed his eyes. No! He couldn't think about that. He was here. He was in New York. They were going to send him to New York. They knew what the world would be like here and they were going to send him anyway. Yet...
No. He would not think about that. He would not think about that! He was with Rafael and they were going to love each other in Rafael's bed for the first time. Jeremy was going to dance at Ballet Academy the next day. In two more days, he was going to meet Alistair Mountjoy, the greatest man in ballet! No, he could not think about what his parents would think about all this. He couldn't. He just couldn't.
He walked across the bedroom, past the slightly open window behind Rafael's desk, and felt a gentle, cool breeze blow across his bare skin, reminding him he was naked in a new and exciting environment, and he felt his elation grow inside; it was as wonderful as it was foreign to him. Rafael loved him. Rafael Colón! The greatest dancer ever to come out of the Greensburg Ballet School. And he, Jeremy Fenwick, was going to train at Ballet Academy of America. He was free of Uncle Jimmy Dale. He was free to be himself. He wanted to sing. He wanted to dance. He wanted to laugh. He was happy, truly happy for the first time in months.
Jeremy entered the bathroom and closed the door. Standing before the sink, he looked at his reflection in the mirror above the sink and for the first time in... well, he couldn't remember, but the first time in a long time he didn't mentally flinch when he looked at his red hair, the freckles across his nose and upper cheeks, or the young, baby face. He actually found his face attractive, pretty, sexy, beautiful. He gave himself a huge, toothy grin and he felt that sense of elation grow even more. Even his penis seemed to throb with added vigor.
Jeremy brushed his teeth and then rinsed his mouth out before washing his hands. He swallowed and took a deep breath as he examined himself in the mirror once again. Yes, he really was a good-looking boy and he could almost understand why Rafael would find him attractive. And, in a few minutes, the older boy would have another reason to love him. Jeremy was going to give Rafael what he wanted. He was going to do for Rafael what the older boy needed. Jeremy would show him how much he loved him and how much better Jeremy was than any other lover the older boy had ever had. Jeremy would prove he was the best!
With a deep breath, he opened the door and found Rafael sitting on the edge of the bed. The teenager had already removed his shirt and his sandals and smiled at Jeremy as the boy emerged from the bathroom.
“Well, I'm glad to see you’re in your proper state in here—naked and hard. You're a good little boy!”
Jeremy's eyes flashed as he grinned and replied, “Little boy? I'll show you little boy!”
He started toward Rafael with his hands at the ready, but the older boy rose to his feet and grinned, holding up his hands in surrender.
“Hold that thought,” he said. “I need to brush my teeth, then we can settle this little tiff like men.”
“You're the one with a little tiff,” Jeremy replied as he flexed his arms. “I'm big and manly!”
“Well, you're big and something,” Rafael replied with a chuckle. He dropped his shorts and underwear, revealing his own long, thin erection. “We'll have to explore that in a minute.”
Jeremy grinned smugly and said, “I'll show you what I can do when you get back.”
“Yeah, promises, promises,” Rafael retorted as he walked into the bathroom. He closed the door and Jeremy walked around to the other side of the bed. He pulled the covers back and then turned the lamp off, leaving the room lit only by the ambient light of the city through the partially open window. He stepped over to the window and listened to the muffled sound of traffic on Broadway—on Broadway! He could also hear a siren in the distance and the sound of an argument down on the sidewalk below in a language he couldn't identify. He was in New York! He had made it! He was in New York!
He turned around and faced the bathroom door. He was in New York and it was all because Rafael was so kind and decent and good, because Rafael had rescued him and brought him here. Rafael. Jeremy felt a rush of love for the beautiful, wonderful teenager and, unconsciously, his right hand wrapped around his erection and began to fondle it. Yes, Jeremy was going to show Rafael just how grateful he was to him and how much he loved him. Yes. Jeremy would be just what Rafael wanted.
On the wall beside the bathroom, his eyes fell on the poster of the younger Alistair Mountjoy performing a perfect Grand Jeté. What a beautiful man. He hated to admit that Alistair was even more beautiful than Rafael with those fantastically manly dancers' legs, those strong arms, that broad, sturdy torso, that glorious face. Alistair was a god. He was stunningly handsome, magnificent, majestic...and sexy as all get out!
Jeremy realized that he was now actively masturbating, not just fondling himself, but actually stroking his erection. He would have to stop before Rafael came out of the bathroom. It wouldn't do for the love of his life to see him beating off to a picture of someone else. But, it felt so good and Alistair was so good-looking and sexy. Just a little longer. Just a little...longer. So good. So good. So...
He didn't notice the bathroom had opened. The light in the bathroom had been turned off and Jeremy's eyes were closed as he frantically pumped his erection. He felt the warmth radiating off Rafael's body before he heard the older boy softly say, “Busted.”
Jeremy jumped and then grinned guiltily as Rafael chuckled.
“I'm sorry,” the younger boy replied. “I was just so excited thinking about what we're going to do and...”
Rafael glanced over his shoulder in the direction Jeremy was facing and saw the poster of Alistair. He looked back with a grin on his face and saw Jeremy look down in embarrassment. Even in the partial darkness of the room, he could see the boy blushing. Rafael ran his fingers over the boy's face and softly said, “You were jerking it for Alistair, weren't you?”
Jeremy closed his eyes in humiliation and Rafael quickly leaned over and kissed his forehead.
“You're so sweet I can't stand it,” he said. “I love you so much, Jeremy, that I can't imagine living without you.”
The younger boy looked up with moist, shame-filled eyes and whispered, “I'm sorry, Rafael. I couldn't help it. He's just so... sexy.”
“Yes, he is. He's the sexiest man in the world, as far as I'm concerned. I can't tell you how many times I've jerked off to that poster. It's okay, Jeremy. I don't mind that you were looking at Alistair. I understand totally. I know you love me.”
Jeremy smiled gratefully and said, “God, I love you so much, Rafael. You're so cool and wonderful.”
Rafael smiled and sighed. “Oh, if you only knew just how sordid and disgusting I've been over the years, the things I did with my stepfather, the things I've done with men since coming to New York, the things I've done in the showers at Ballet Academy, you wouldn't think so. But, I'm grateful you love me, Jeremy, because I don't think I could live without you now.”
“You don't have to,” Jeremy replied, “and I don't care what you've done in the past. I understand. I really do. Your stepfather made you do things and made you like things and, well, I understand.”
Rafael caressed Jeremy's face and then wrapped his arms around him. The two boys held each other tightly as Rafael buried his face in Jeremy's hair. Jeremy closed his eyes, reveling in the strength of the older boy before he remembered that he was the one who had to be strong. Rafael liked other guys to be strong. Rafael wanted someone else to be strong, so Jeremy had to be the one Rafael leaned on.
He stood up taller and squeezed Rafael. The older boy opened his eyes and smiled.
“Jeremy, I need to tell you something,” Rafael said quietly. “It's about Alistair.”
“You love him,” Jeremy said. “I understand.”
“It's more than that,” Rafael replied. “I promised you earlier that I would never lie to you. Well, I had to lie in the car a while ago, but I want to tell you the truth right now to make up for it. You see, I didn't want Teddy to know this, but it turns out he did, so it was a waste of time to lie about it, but...”
He swallowed and then looked Jeremy in the eyes and said, “Sweetheart, I have been to bed with Alistair. I can't lie to you or keep it from you. Yeah, I've had sex with Alistair. It happened once, when I was thirteen.”
Jeremy pressed his lips together and took a deep breath before he replied, “That's okay. I'm not really surprised. You're super-horny and Alistair is like the sexiest man on earth and... how could you resist? I understand.”
Rafael hugged him again tightly and said, “I will try not to do it again. Teddy doesn't want me to, and for you, I'll try not to, but I can't promise it won't happen again.”
“Are you going to do it with him again this weekend?”
Rafael wanted to say “No, but you probably will.” Instead, he replied, “I will try not to, but... sometimes Alistair is just so... Sometimes its just impossible to say no to him.”
Jeremy nodded and then asked, “What's it like to do it with him?”
“Oh, man, its the most wonderful feeling. I mean, he's so strong and gentle. He holds you and you feel so safe and warm and loved and... God, he knows just what you need. It's weird, but its like he reads your mind and gives you just what you want. And when he fucks you, he makes it so good that you just want to scream.”
He shook his head and said, “It's amazing.”
Jeremy's heart sank as he listened. How was he going to be able to compete with the sexiest man in the world? Well, he'd just have to try. He had to. He had to be the best.
“Rafael, I know this is a nosy question and you don't have to answer it, but are there other men you like to do it with a lot?”
Rafael shrugged and said, “Most of the time, its just a one-time thing. A dancer from the company or a guy at the academy, sometimes someone at a party. There is one guy at Ballet Academy I've done it with a few times—Dylan Thackeray. He's kind of Nelly and fem, but he's sweet and he's fun in bed. Oh, he has the hottest reddish blond hair, more blond than yours, but almost as sexy.”
He grinned at Jeremy and ran his hands through the boy's red hair and said, “I guess I have a thing for redheads. I never realized it until just now.”
Jeremy giggled and said, “Well, I'll be the best.”
“Yes, you will,” Rafael replied with a grin.
Jeremy thought for a moment and then asked, “Rafael, Teddy made a couple of comments tonight about Alistair, like when you said you can't pay for the kind of training Alistair's going to give me and he said, 'Well, you can...' and then when he said he was the first person Alistair had fallen love with who wasn't absolutely beautiful or absolutely twelve. He wasn't really kidding, was he. He was serious, wasn't he?”
Rafael frowned and looked thoughtfully out the window before he finally replied, “Alistair loves sex as much as I do. He's the most brilliant choreographer in the world and the best instructor and director and he can motivate people better than anyone, but... yeah. He loves sex more than me and for the same reason. His father, Lionel Mountjoy, the man who created Ballet Academy of America and then Ballet of America, he used to rape Alistair, not love him, but rape him. And he used to force his students to do it with him, boys and girls both. Lionel was a bastard. Alistair, though, has only done it with me, as far as I know. Alistair's never forced himself on a kid, ever. But, yeah. He sometimes likes boys. Really, men, though.”
Jeremy pressed his lips together thoughtfully before he asked, “Do you think he'll want to do it with me?”
Rafael took a breath and, without emotion, asked, “Do you want him to?”
“I don't know. I mean, yeah, but I also mean no. I don't know. Will he want to?”
Rafael knew the answer, but he chose to evade rather than lie when he replied, “We'll have to wait and see. I know that Teddy doesn't want him to. Teddy would prefer that I didn't do it with him anymore.”
“Is that what you two were talking about before you came into the room?”
Rafael nodded.
“Why does Teddy not want us to do it with Alistair?” Jeremy asked. “I thought Teddy was like really into sex and that he did it with men when he was a kid.”
Rafael smiled and said, “Teddy's image is mostly an act. He drinks a lot, but not as much as people think and when it comes to sex, he's really a lot more conservative than he lets on. He thinks its not healthy for us to do it with Alistair, that we should just do it with each other and our friends.”
“Why?”
Rafael turned his head and sighed before he replied, “Oh, I don't know, but I don't want to talk about that. I don't want to talk about Alistair right now. Right now, I'm with the most beautiful, the sexiest, and the sweetest boy in the world and that's all I care about and I want to make love with you all night long. I want to kiss you and hold you and love you until you won't want to ever think about another guy. How does that sound?”
Jeremy smiled and nodded. “I think that sounds like what I want, too.”
Rafael grinned and leaned down, his lips touching Jeremy's. The two kissed tenderly, without tongues, just their lips and fingers caressing each other's face until Jeremy pulled away and suddenly stood up straight. In a firm, strong voice, he said, “Rafael, lay down.”
The teenager looked at the boy and smiled. “Why?” he asked.
“Lay down and lift your legs,” Jeremy commanded. “I'm going to fuck you.”
Rafael continued to look at Jeremy with a smile for several seconds before he responded, “Um, what?
“I'm going to fuck you, Rafael,” Jeremy declared. “I'm going to fuck you hard. I'll be the best fucker you've ever had. I'll show you.”
Rafael started to chuckle and then fell back on the bed and laughed. Jeremy watched with shock and consternation before he demanded, “What's so darn funny?”
Rafael's laughter grew worse at Jeremy's reaction. “Oh, Jeremy!” he struggled to say, “You're so cute! God, I love you!”
“Quit laughing at me!” Jeremy cried. “I don't see what's so damn funny!”
Rafael struggled to control his laughter before he held his arms out, inviting Jeremy to join him on the end of the bed. The younger boy stood adamantly where he was, his fists planted firmly on his hips as he stared at Rafael with outrage.
“Sweetheart, I'm so sorry I laughed, but you're just so cute and sweet...”
“I'm not a little kid, Rafael!” Jeremy declared. “I've grown up. I know what I'm doing!”
“Yes, sweetheart, you have grown a lot in the last few months. You've been through a lot, but Jeremy, there are a few things you still need some experience with. Now, come here and sit with me.”
Jeremy huffed and remained where he was for a moment, just long enough to establish his independence before he consented to sit with the older boy. Rafael put his arm around Jeremy, but the boy remained stiff until his resolve melted and he leaned against the older boy.
“There are still some things you need to learn, Jeremy. One of these days, Jerm, you will fuck me. Believe me. Especially by the time you're fourteen or fifteen, you will definitely be fucking me. You're going to be so strong and built and sexy, everyone at Ballet Academy, boys and girls, are going to want you to fuck them. But, right now, you need to wait a bit.”
Jeremy looked down and sighed with defeat before he muttered, “I guess I'm a real doofus.”
“No, you're not. You just haven't fucked yet and you just need the experience. That's all. The thing is, you don't just fuck. You have to prepare. There's romance and hugging and kissing and then there's doing things to the butt to get it ready and putting on lubricant and... it's more than just ramming it in. But, you'll learn all this. Jeremy we have all the time in the world to learn about these things. We have all the time in the world to learn about what turns each other on. There's no hurry.”
He kissed Jeremy's cheek and the younger boy sighed and nodded.
“So, sweetheart,” Rafael asked. “Why this sudden need to fuck me?”
Jeremy looked down again and said, “Well, Saturday, when we went to dinner at Holly Hollister's, she told me when we were out on the veranda that Marta Van Amstel told her that you liked to get fucked by strong dancers who show you who's boss and that if I wanted to keep you, I was going to have to compete with them and fuck you hard and show you who's boss. I know you do it a lot and I don't want you to get bored with me, Rafael. I want to be the best. I have to be the best.”
Only when he finished did he see the stricken look on Rafael's face. With horror, Jeremy realized that he had deeply hurt the teenager. Tears formed in Rafael's eyes and began to trickle down his cheeks.
“Rafael! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt your feelings! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!”
Rafael tightly wrapped his arms around the boy and cried, “Oh, Jeremy, I'm the one who should be sorry. I love you. I love you.”
“I love you, Rafael!” Jeremy cried and as the two sobbed together, Rafael squeezed the boy tightly until he said, “Jeremy, you don't have to compete with anyone. You are the best, Jeremy. Just by being you, you're the best. I just feel so ashamed that my reputation has gotten so bad that a principal ballerina with Ballet of America can tell someone from my hometown about my sex life.”
“I didn't mean to make you feel bad, Rafael!” Jeremy cried, kissing the older boy's cheek repeatedly.
“You didn't, sweetheart. It's okay. I love you, Jeremy, more than you can ever know. It's okay. Now, let's crawl up here and love each other.”
Jeremy sighed with relief, not realizing how obvious he was, as he crawled up the bed with Rafael, who grinned and said, “You know, I think you're kind of relieved that you don't have to fuck me.”
Jeremy blushed as he lay on his pillow and slipped his legs under the cover. “Yeah, I really am.”
“You don't really want to fuck, do you?”
“Not really,” Jeremy grinned. “To be honest, it seems kind of gross. I mean, sticking your dick up there. It seems kind of dirty, isn't it?”
Rafael grinned and said, “It can be, if you don't take precautions and do it right. But, we've got time to get ready for it.”
Jeremy nodded and Rafael wrapped his arms around the younger boy. They lay front to front, their erections poking into each other's abdomens. Rafael smiled and asked, “So, tell me, Jeremy. What do you want to do?”
“This.”
Rafael grinned and asked, “All right, tell me this. When you beat off, what do you think about?”
“You,” Jeremy replied with a grin. “Ever since that night I saw you dancing in Nutcracker, I've beat off thinking about you. I got hard that night and when I was laying in bed, I started feeling it and that's how it started and I've done it every night since.”
“What about me do you think about?” Rafael asked as he kissed Jeremy's lips.
“I think about your face and how pretty you look with your curly hair and your beautiful eyes. I used to think about how you looked when you were eleven and then I started thinking about how you would look as you got older. And, I'd think about your body, about how beautiful it was and how it would look as you got older.”
Rafael kissed him again and reached between them to wrap his fingers around Jeremy's short, thick erection. “Did you ever think about us doing anything?” he asked.
Jeremy moaned as he felt Rafael's fingers and replied, “I thought about you holding me and loving me, about me feeling you all over and running my hands all over your beautiful ballet dancer's body and you holding me.”
Rafael smiled and said, “You thought about me being the strong one, didn't you? You thought about me being in charge, didn't you?”
Jeremy blushed and said, “Yeah. I know you want someone else to be in charge and you like someone else to be strong, but I've always thought about you being the boss and holding me and making me feel good.”
Rafael kissed Jeremy's cheek and softly said, “Maybe, when I'm with you, I want to be the strong one. Maybe I want to be the one to make you feel safe and warm and loved. Maybe I want to love you.”
Jeremy looked into Rafael's eyes and asked, “Really?”
“Maybe,” he replied. “I think we should do what we want and see how everything develops. Maybe something totally unexpected will happen. Who knows?”
He smiled and his hand began to slowly move up and down Jeremy's erection. The younger boy moaned softly as Rafael whispered, “I love you, Jeremy, and I want to make you feel good. I want to make you happy. I want to make you feel good.”
His lips met Jeremy's again and the two boys kissed. This time, Rafael's tongue pushed forward into the younger boy's mouth and Jeremy whimpered, feeling Rafael's assertiveness. The teenager gently pushed Jeremy onto his back as he hand continued to fondle and stroke his erection. After a moment, Jeremy began to squirm and work his hips as Rafael fondled him. The teenager's mouth left Jeremy's and began to kiss his cheeks and nose before moving to his ears.
“You're the hottest, sexiest guy I know,” Rafael breathed into Jeremy's ear. “You turn me on so hard.”
Jeremy whimpered and Rafael added, “I could lie here forever and make love to you and be perfectly happy.”
He moved down Jeremy's face to the boy's sensitive throat, causing Jeremy to whine and move his head and shoulder together to protect his throat from the onslaught of Rafael's tongue. However, the older boy pushed his face into Jeremy's throat and the younger boy cried out. Rafael squeezed his erection tighter and Jeremy worked his hips more as Rafael stroked his erection and made love to his throat. He sucked and licked the sensitive skin and, after several minutes of making the boy whimper and writhe beneath him, he returned to his mouth, pushing his tongue in just as Jeremy's body suddenly became rigid a second or two before his first climax.
Rafael licked the few drops of Jeremy's thin ejaculate from his fingers as he smiled down into the half-closed eyes of the boy he loved before he resumed making love to him. After bringing him to a second climax, Rafael rolled over and allowed Jeremy to have free access to every part of his own body. It was quite late when, after both boys had survived several orgasms, Jeremy rolled onto his side and spooned into Rafael, who wrapped his arms around the boy and whispered into his ear, “I love you, Jeremy, and I always will. I'll never let you go, Jeremy. I love you.”
The younger boy simply moaned softly as he slowly drifted off to sleep, content and serene in the embrace of the boy he loved, the boy who loved him.